Chelsea counseling Susan Dyad #3 — Transcript

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1. 0:03Hi, Susan. How are you?
2. 0:06>> Hi. Um, I'm doing good. Doing better.
3. 0:11>> Great to see you. Um, I was wondering
4. 0:13what came up for you this last week
5. 0:15since we got together last and
6. 0:18um, how things have been going.
7. 0:21>> Um, things have been going good. I I I
8. 0:25didn't go back to the park. Um,
9. 0:29I I just didn't really feel up to it.
10. 0:32So, um,
11. 0:34yeah, this week I I didn't go, but I did
12. 0:38call uh my kids. I did reach out like
13. 0:41you suggested
14. 0:43um,
15. 0:44that at the last
16. 0:46session. So, I did reach out and talk to
17. 0:49them a little bit. Um, I do miss them a
18. 0:53lot and I don't see them too often. So,
19. 0:55it was nice to hear from them. Um, but
20. 0:59you know, I just
21. 1:01I even though I called them and we're
22. 1:04talking, I didn't really
23. 1:07talk very long. Um, so, it felt good,
24. 1:11but you know, I still felt like maybe it
25. 1:14wasn't
26. 1:16it wasn't enough, but
27. 1:20I just I just feel like I don't want to
28. 1:23take up so much of their time.
29. 1:25Um, so,
30. 1:27yeah, it felt good, but then kind of
31. 1:29disappointing at the same time, but um,
32. 1:34yeah, so, I called them, but we didn't
33. 1:36really talk that much.
34. 1:38>> Do you think that like it sounds like
35. 1:41it's that maybe feel like you're
36. 1:43bothering them?
37. 1:45>> Yeah. Yeah, I do feel like I'm bothering
38. 1:48them and
39. 1:51they say that they're happy to hear from
40. 1:52me and that they're happy that I'm I'm,
41. 1:55you know,
42. 1:56seeing you and working on
43. 1:59improving my life and
44. 2:02but I just don't want to be a bother to
45. 2:05them. They're all busy. They're all
46. 2:07starting their lives, you know, and then
47. 2:09my youngest daughter's in college, so I
48. 2:10want her to focus on that and I just
49. 2:13I just don't want to
50. 2:16yeah, be a burden.
51. 2:18>> Yeah, okay. I mean, I hear you saying
52. 2:21that you miss your kids, but you also
53. 2:23are avoiding reaching out because you
54. 2:25don't want to bother them.
55. 2:27What do you think you're protecting
56. 2:28yourself from staying away?
57. 2:32Mhm.
58. 2:35>> That's a good that's a good question. I
59. 2:37I
60. 2:38I didn't really think about that. Um
61. 2:42Well,
62. 2:44you know, it's just I mean, they're my
63. 2:46kids. I love them. They bring me joy and
64. 2:50um
65. 2:51I guess with my life,
66. 2:54you know, the past few years taking care
67. 2:56of
68. 2:57my mom and um
69. 3:01it was a lot and and I just
70. 3:05I love her so much as well, but I just
71. 3:09don't really want that for my kids. Um I
72. 3:13mean, I know it's a totally different
73. 3:15kind of situation, but
74. 3:17um I just want them to be able to live
75. 3:21their lives, be who they are, find
76. 3:24themselves, and
77. 3:26um
78. 3:28yeah, I don't want to I don't want to
79. 3:30feel like I'm consuming their lives.
80. 3:33>> Yeah, I just um what's coming up for me
81. 3:36is that I'm wondering if you don't want
82. 3:38to bother them, it might be keeping you
83. 3:40from getting the connection that you're
84. 3:41actually longing for.
85. 3:43Um
86. 3:44I know that, you know, this next stage
87. 3:46of life uh without your mom,
88. 3:49your kids are still you know, all here
89. 3:51and even though they're not physically
90. 3:53on the island with you, um I just know
91. 3:57it sounds like that, you know, you
92. 3:59really want that connection with them,
93. 4:00and
94. 4:01I'm just hearing hearing and confronting
95. 4:03things, you know, I understand the
96. 4:05feeling like you're bothering them,
97. 4:07but you know, I think at the root of it
98. 4:09sounds like you really want that
99. 4:11connection with them again.
100. 4:15>> Yeah, I do, and um yeah, that's so true,
101. 4:20you know, and
102. 4:21I guess
103. 4:23I guess because they're away,
104. 4:25you know, I I I really only have
105. 4:28phone calls to depend on to
106. 4:31keep in touch.
107. 4:33Um and so forth. And they they they they
108. 4:35do call me, too. Um
109. 4:38but yeah, I I kind of just wrap it up
110. 4:40and keep it short. I don't really like
111. 4:43share too much with them. I also don't
112. 4:45want them to worry about me, too, so.
113. 4:48But yeah, you're right, I should
114. 4:49probably be
115. 4:51um
116. 4:53opening up more
117. 4:54with them if I want that connection.
118. 4:58>> Yeah.
119. 5:00I'm also hearing, you know, back to your
120. 5:02mom,
121. 5:03um
122. 5:04you know, I want to keep talking about
123. 5:06your relationship with her, and um
124. 5:09just how much she meant to you. I I know
125. 5:12you deeply miss her, and
126. 5:14um you're also realizing that her
127. 5:16passing has made you question parts of
128. 5:18your life um that you previ- previously
129. 5:20accepted, and now, you know, moving
130. 5:23forward, we want to get back to who
131. 5:25Susan is, and your passions, and you
132. 5:28know, connecting that former self
133. 5:31that you had with your mom um into this
134. 5:33next stage of life.
135. 5:35So, yeah, if you want to talk more about
136. 5:37how that's going.
137. 5:40>> Yeah, you know, the last time we talked,
138. 5:43um
139. 5:45and you you brought up
140. 5:48you brought up um
141. 5:50trying to find the new Susan or figure
142. 5:53out who the new Susan is and that really
143. 5:56like stuck with me because I have been
144. 6:00um
145. 6:02you know, thinking about it more like
146. 6:05trying to remember who I was or what
147. 6:08what did I used to do and what did I
148. 6:10like and then it just brings me back to
149. 6:12what I've been doing which was taking
150. 6:15care of my mom and all the time we spend
151. 6:18and then my kids and how
152. 6:20then I would bring up the fact that it's
153. 6:24not like that anymore and then now what
154. 6:25and then I'm back to the the same place
155. 6:28again. So, I've been trying to think
156. 6:30about yeah, the new Susan and what
157. 6:35what that means and like
158. 6:37um
159. 6:39and I still kind of feel a little stuck
160. 6:41with with that like trying to figure out
161. 6:44a new Susan.
162. 6:46But I do like that idea.
163. 6:48>> Yeah. Let me see if I can pull this
164. 6:50together because that was a lot. Um
165. 6:52you've definitely just experienced this
166. 6:55enormous loss and and underneath the
167. 6:57grief there seems to be deeper
168. 6:58questioning about who you are now.
169. 7:01Um you're definitely recognizing things
170. 7:03that you've done and that were expected
171. 7:04of you and um you know, at the same time
172. 7:07there's some fear and resistance about
173. 7:09giving yourself permission to step into
174. 7:12this new life.
175. 7:13Does that capture it?
176. 7:15>> Yeah, yeah, definitely. Um
177. 7:20and that was uh yeah, I think that was a
178. 7:22big thing for me to realize.
179. 7:26Yeah.
180. 7:27>> Well, well and again, I know in our last
181. 7:29session I just wanted to say how proud I
182. 7:31am of you and uh
183. 7:33you know, the grief journey of being a
184. 7:34wave and
185. 7:36um it really sounds like we're starting
186. 7:38to get further along with these deeper
187. 7:40questions of who you are and what you
188. 7:43see in this next chapter.
189. 7:46Um
190. 7:46I'm glad we kind of confronted a little
191. 7:48bit of that resistance but, you know,
192. 7:50the fear of calling your kids or
193. 7:52bothering them.
194. 7:53Um but at the same time that is
195. 7:55something that
196. 7:57you deeply want, which is
197. 8:00absolutely understandable. Um they're
198. 8:02your family and, you know, you raised
199. 8:03them and
200. 8:05did all their caregiving and um
201. 8:07yeah, I'd like you to continue to try
202. 8:09calling them. You know, I know last time
203. 8:12you made it brief, um
204. 8:14but maybe you can extend or, you know,
205. 8:17I know you said you have you have a son
206. 8:18and you have two daughters. Is that
207. 8:20right?
208. 8:20>> Yes. Yes.
209. 8:21>> So, um yeah, maybe just
210. 8:23like continue to check in with them and
211. 8:25say, "Hey, maybe we can do mine if we
212. 8:29talk, you know, at least 10 to 15
213. 8:31minutes a week or
214. 8:33is that something that you feel
215. 8:35comfortable maybe asking them or just
216. 8:37say, you know, I'm really loving
217. 8:39how we talk, but I miss you guys."
218. 8:43>> Yeah. Yeah, I think that's uh
219. 8:46yeah, I think that might be a better
220. 8:48approach to like asking them if they're
221. 8:51okay with that.
222. 8:53Um I never thought about doing that, but
223. 8:55yeah, I think if they were to say,
224. 8:57"Sure." Um then that would make me feel
225. 9:00better about taking that much time from
226. 9:03their their day to talk. So,
227. 9:06um yeah, I'll try that and and see how
228. 9:09that goes.
229. 9:11>> Cool, then.
230. 9:13Um the last thing before we leave today
231. 9:15is definitely um I think we mentioned
232. 9:17like a little bit of the journaling. I
233. 9:19know you said
234. 9:20you didn't go back to the park, which is
235. 9:22fine. If that feels good this next week,
236. 9:24um to, you know, maybe have that
237. 9:25connection again, but um no pressure to
238. 9:28do that, but I just want you to really
239. 9:30this next week start imagining what life
240. 9:33would look like, you know, not as a
241. 9:34caregiver and
242. 9:36like some passions that you think you'd
243. 9:39get interested in again. Um but maybe,
244. 9:42you know,
245. 9:43talking to your kids more, you know,
246. 9:45honoring your mom in the ways that you
247. 9:47feel best, but also maybe, you know,
248. 9:50journaling or thinking about those
249. 9:53things that
250. 9:54um came up for you that you want to
251. 9:56start focusing on.
252. 9:57Is that something that feels good this
253. 9:59next week or
254. 10:01>> Okay, sure. Yeah. Yeah, I'll I'll I'll
255. 10:03try that. I think that might be
256. 10:06a a good idea. Yeah.
257. 10:08>> Okay. So, when we come back next week,
258. 10:10yeah, I'd love to hear uh some ideas
259. 10:12that maybe
260. 10:14you would, you know, like to start
261. 10:16doing.
262. 10:17>> Okay.
263. 10:18>> And then see how you feel. Like
264. 10:19gardening I'll give you examples, you
265. 10:21know, like gardening, walking, just
266. 10:23finding like these passions and I'd love
267. 10:25to hear
268. 10:26what comes up for you and to,
269. 10:28you know, getting back to Susan and, you
270. 10:30know, this new chapter.
271. 10:33>> Okay, cool. So, then just jotting down
272. 10:36some ideas of like things I might want
273. 10:38to try even and
274. 10:41maybe try them
275. 10:43and then write like what
276. 10:46it felt like?
277. 10:47>> Yeah, definitely. Or just, you know,
278. 10:49even going to a coffee shop or like
279. 10:51looking for some, you know,
280. 10:54groups or just things to, you know,
281. 10:56get your spark back.
282. 10:58Um
283. 10:59but also honoring your mom. There are
284. 11:01definitely a lot of grief
285. 11:02groups and circles as well. So, I just
286. 11:06want you to start pondering those things
287. 11:08that will bring Susan back
288. 11:11to Susan.
289. 11:13>> Okay, sounds good. Yeah, I I'm pretty
290. 11:15pretty excited about that actually.
291. 11:17Um sounds like a good plan.
292. 11:19>> Hey, and I'm so proud of you for being
293. 11:21here and I'm grateful to walk with you
294. 11:23on this journey of
295. 11:25grief and um, you know, rediscovering
296. 11:28your your passions and who Susan is.
297. 11:32>> Thank you so much.
298. 11:34>> We'll see you next week, Susan.
299. 11:36>> Okay. Thank you.