Cathy's story YWCA — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:01[Music]
2. 0:05I can remember me telling him that I was
3. 0:07going to get a divorce and you know he
4. 0:08threw me against the wall and he said
5. 0:10you'll get a divorced [ __ ] when I tell
6. 0:12you you'll get
7. 0:13one I felt like somebody very dear to me
8. 0:16had died I felt like somebody that I
9. 0:18loved had died and it was
10. 0:23me I started uh refinishing antiques
11. 0:27probably about uh 14 years ago when you
12. 0:29do an PE you can't like sand like a
13. 0:31maniac and you can't use electric
14. 0:33Sanders you have to do it just real
15. 0:34gentle real slow and um you know it
16. 0:37could take you a week to get out one big
17. 0:38huge scratch in a chair and you just do
18. 0:41it that way and um you know a lot like
19. 0:43me it's been a slow process getting stri
20. 0:45back down to the original 23y old girl I
21. 0:47used to be but I'm
22. 0:50there well I was a single mother with a
23. 0:53uh 4-year-old little boy uh barely
24. 0:56making his meat you know car car didn't
25. 0:58work uh lived in what we call we joke
26. 1:00and call the roach motel lived in a
27. 1:02roach motel on Southside first time I
28. 1:03met him I really didn't like him I
29. 1:05thought he was a jerk I thought he was
30. 1:06kind of you know pompous and all the
31. 1:08things I'm not um but he was persistent
32. 1:12and he made me see that it was a way out
33. 1:15and that Ryan could have a better life
34. 1:17um you know financially and and stable I
35. 1:21wanted um him to have a house the white
36. 1:22picket fence you know the American dream
37. 1:24and and Bill made me see that he could
38. 1:26give me that give me those things for
39. 1:28Ryan and and so that's kind of how it
40. 1:30escalated yeah I fell in love with him I
41. 1:33think I did I I found out later that I
42. 1:35did love him because that's what made it
43. 1:37so hard to get away and to be free of it
44. 1:40was because I kept thinking well I love
45. 1:41him I can change him I can fix
46. 1:46him the very first time I was abused
47. 1:52physically um was after we hadn't been
48. 1:55married probably 5 months and um I was
49. 1:58pregnant with Shelby
50. 2:00it scared me cuz I realized I didn't
51. 2:02know who he was I was like okay who is
52. 2:05this guy slinging me and my kid around
53. 2:07you know throwing me up against walls it
54. 2:09all happens so fast he comes in and I'm
55. 2:11like what's going on what's going on he
56. 2:12doesn't tell me he shows me aside and
57. 2:14then he um he locks me in a closet and
58. 2:17uh proceeds to beat beat Ryan um who was
59. 2:20just a baby and when I got free of the
60. 2:22closet and got out um and he said uh he
61. 2:25grabbed me by the throat and threw me up
62. 2:27against the wall and so so hard that my
63. 2:29head you know bounc back against the
64. 2:31sheetrock and um basically said you know
65. 2:34if you don't like it you can get
66. 2:37out can't get saying mom it'll be
67. 2:40okay he he protected
68. 2:43me I didn't protect him he protect
69. 2:47me mom is going to be
70. 2:50okay he wasn't
71. 2:53scared but I was
72. 3:01we were in a crowded nightclub that
73. 3:03night with a friend of his and I'm just
74. 3:05sitting there and he reaches over and
75. 3:07just knocks my lights out knocks me to
76. 3:10the floor and it shocked me I was like I
77. 3:12can't believe he's doing it in front of
78. 3:13people and just laughed just
79. 3:16laughed I went and sat in the car and he
80. 3:19comes out there and he's just talking
81. 3:20crazy stuff like you know you're such a
82. 3:22[ __ ] and I know you're sleeping with so
83. 3:24and so and I mean it was always about
84. 3:25who I was sleeping with like you know
85. 3:27you'd really want another man in your
86. 3:28life when you were with somebody like
87. 3:29this you know and um so I got I sensed
88. 3:32that I was in danger I sensed I was in
89. 3:35deep trouble I was in trouble this time
90. 3:38and I uh got out of the car and was
91. 3:39going to go get the bouncer you know
92. 3:41somebody that could help me and um he
93. 3:43had been drinking um but he didn't have
94. 3:45to drink to be violent and I hadn't been
95. 3:47drinking and um I could feel gra I could
96. 3:50hear gravel crunching behind me and I
97. 3:52was almost to the door and when I turned
98. 3:53around he hit me on both sides of my
99. 3:55chest and it was like an anvil and it
100. 3:58literally knocked me over the hood of
101. 3:59two cars and you know I ended up on my
102. 4:02hands and knees and I'm bleeding and
103. 4:03whatnot and the bouncer guy comes out
104. 4:05there and I say um go get go get some so
105. 4:07go get his friend go get his friend well
106. 4:09they proceed to tell the bouncer that
107. 4:11I've been drinking and the bouncer
108. 4:13believes it and leaves to go inside and
109. 4:16leaves me with him it was the first time
110. 4:18I ever really felt certain that I wasn't
111. 4:22going to live that night
112. 4:24[Music]
113. 4:30when he that last time he tried to choke
114. 4:32me to death and the police officers come
115. 4:34in there and you know here I am in my
116. 4:35$150,000 house and a fluent neighborhood
117. 4:38and uh you know and I've got mascara
118. 4:40running down my face and choked so bad
119. 4:43there's hand marks around my throat and
120. 4:45I'm crying and my girls are crying and
121. 4:47they're like we will help you if you
122. 4:49will help
123. 4:50yourself and I and I said okay a male
124. 4:54member of the grand jury stood up and
125. 4:55said he's going to kill her we have got
126. 4:57to do something and that's kind of how
127. 4:59it all I got going one of the Court
128. 5:01Advocates and I'll never forget her I
129. 5:03mean I haven't talked to her in probably
130. 5:048 years her name is Caroline Derby and
131. 5:05I'll never forget her she came up to me
132. 5:08and um she was like a little debutant
133. 5:10you know a little blond hair and flipped
134. 5:12out she was so cute and I'm sitting
135. 5:13there in total freak out mode and she
136. 5:15said um I'm with the YWCA and I'm just
137. 5:17here to hold your hand and that's what
138. 5:19she did she didn't try to make me make
139. 5:21decisions she didn't try to make me not
140. 5:23be with him or without him and um she
141. 5:26held my hand she gave me numbers she
142. 5:29gave me uh lawyer contacts um she told
143. 5:32me what the why did and uh she basically
144. 5:36without me even having to ask her showed
145. 5:37up at every Court event and sometimes
146. 5:40she just sit there and hold my hand
147. 5:42sometimes she would you know tell me
148. 5:43what I could expect as far as my rights
149. 5:45it was like you know giving me some
150. 5:47angel wings right there keeping me
151. 5:49lifted up letting me know I was going to
152. 5:51get through this and there was going to
153. 5:52be people to make sure I get through it
154. 5:54and at my weakest moment they were just
155. 5:56a phone call away and at my strongest
156. 5:58moment they were just a phone call away
157. 6:00and um that I'm not bad I didn't do
158. 6:04anything wrong I didn't um ask for it I
159. 6:07didn't deserve it and they're they're
160. 6:10everything rolled up into one they're
161. 6:11your lawyer your uh counselor your
162. 6:14Confidant your best friend I think the
163. 6:17why made me realize that I was
164. 6:21something and that that I could do it