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Carol Gilligan: "Moral Injury and the Ethics of Care" — Transcript

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0:12uh thank you so much uh Victoria for the
0:16privilege of inviting me to be here
0:19today um can you hear
0:22me oh good and I apologize that I cannot
0:26speak to you in Spanish this terrible
0:29American American
0:32limitation um
0:35so
0:38uh I I will I'm very honored to give
0:42these lectures I I feel it's a great
0:45privilege to be here in
0:48Barcelona I thank you all for coming to
0:51hear me I look forward to having a
0:55conversation with
0:56you um my lecture tonight is called
1:00moral injury and the ethic of
1:04care and this is my latest
1:09thinking an Insight that I just really
1:12came to this year that I want to share
1:14with
1:16you it's it's 40 years now since John
1:21berer wrote quote never again will a
1:25single story be told as though it's the
1:28only one it's 30 years since in a
1:32different voice
1:34transposed the conversation about self
1:38and morality from a conversation about
1:40rules and principles to a conversation
1:44about voices and
1:46relationships it's 15 years since Arend
1:49Roy in her novel The God of small things
1:53coined the phrase love laws for the laws
1:56that establish quote who should be loved
1:59and how and how much and showed that
2:02these L laws these love laws often serve
2:07to justify
2:09violence in the interim a paradigm shift
2:13has been spreading through the human
2:15Sciences a growing body of evidence
2:18coming from developmental psychology
2:21neurobiology and evolutionary
2:24anthropology has led what had been taken
2:28as markers of development
2:30to be seen in a new light rather than
2:34signifying healthy forms of
2:37maturation the separation of the self
2:40from relationships and of thought from
2:43emotion signal injury or responses to
2:48trauma the primatologist France Deval
2:52has called for quote a complete overhaul
2:56of assumptions about human nature to
2:59correct for the the past emphasis on
3:01competition and
3:02aggression and uh in light of the
3:05recognition that empathy is part of our
3:09evolutionary history and not just a
3:11recent part but an age-old capacity end
3:14quote The evolutionary Anthropologist
3:17Sarah blafer hery observes that the
3:20capacity for Mutual understanding by
3:23which she means empathy mind reading and
3:28and cooperation
3:30was and may well be key to our survival
3:34as a
3:35species the neuro the neurobiologist
3:38Antonio deasio writes that our nervous
3:41systems are wired to connect thought and
3:44emotion in our bodies and our emotions
3:48we pick up the music or what he calls
3:51quote the feeling of what happens which
3:54then plays in our minds and thoughts
3:58when we separate our minds from our
4:00bodies and divide our thoughts from our
4:03emotions we can reason deductively and
4:06solve logical problems but we lose our
4:09ability to register our experience and
4:13therefore to think inductively to make
4:16decisions and navigate The Human Social
4:20World these changes in our understanding
4:23of who we are as humans were sparked
4:26initially by listening to women the
4:29quote different voice sounded different
4:33and was heard as quote feminine because
4:36it joined emotion with thought and
4:38relationships with self because it was
4:42embodied rather than disembodied located
4:45in time and place I wrote in a different
4:49voice to show how women's what had been
4:52described by psychologist as a problem
4:55in women's development was in fact a
4:59problem in the framework of
5:02interpretation to show that empathy and
5:05caring and what we now call quote
5:08emotional intelligence used to be called
5:11feminine
5:13intuition are are in fact human
5:17strengths with this shift in the
5:20framework the different voice no longer
5:22sounds different it is simply a human
5:26voice in my lecture tonight I will
5:29considered the implications of this
5:31paradigm shift for thinking about ethics
5:34and moral development for example in the
5:371980s when researchers began to observe
5:40babies not alone but in relationship
5:43with their mothers they saw an infant
5:45they had not imagined a baby actively
5:48seeking and engaged in responsive
5:51relationships from a very early age
5:54practically from birth human babies scan
5:57faces make ey contact and engage the
6:01attention of
6:02others they register the
6:05difference between the experience of
6:08relationship that is being in touch with
6:11another person and the appearance of
6:14relationship that is when somebody who
6:17seems to be relating to them is in fact
6:20out of
6:21touch in the words of Daniel Stern the
6:23human infants world is quote an
6:25interpersonal
6:27world with these observ
6:30questions about development reverse
6:32rather than asking how do we gain the
6:35capacity to care how do we learn to take
6:38the point of view of the other and
6:39overcome self-interest we are prompted
6:42to ask how do we lose the capacity to
6:45care what inhibits our ability to
6:48empathize with others and pick up the
6:50emotional climate around us how do we
6:53fail to recognize the difference between
6:56being in and out of touch and most pain
6:59F how do we lose the capacity to
7:03love as humans we are responsive
7:06relational beings born with a voice with
7:09the ability to communicate and the
7:11desire to live in relationships along
7:13with the capacity to spot false
7:16Authority within ourselves therefore we
7:19have the requisites both for love and
7:22for citizenship in a Democratic
7:25Society the culture wars in the United
7:28States that that began in reaction to
7:31the Democratic advances of the 1960s are
7:34fights over the framework as President
7:37Obama said in his campaign for
7:40reelection quote this election offers
7:43the American people the choice between
7:45two very different visions of our
7:48future are you on your own or are we in
7:51it together are you alone or are we
7:56interdependent the reality is We're In
7:58It Together because as the poet wh audin
8:02reminds us no one exists alone hunger
8:06allows no choice to the citizen or the
8:10police we must love one another or
8:13die I will begin then with the
8:16discussion of moral injury the
8:19shattering of trust that compromises our
8:23ability to love next I will present a
8:26triptic of research on development
8:29showing when and how and why our
8:32humanity is at heightened risk and
8:35highlighting a capacity for resistance
8:38finally I will take up the love laws as
8:41no small thing and not a private matter
8:45as the battles over the love laws make
8:47plain the culturals remember the love
8:49laws who can be loved and how and how
8:52much these are the battles in the states
8:54over gay marriage and abortion all these
8:57issues they used to be over race and so
8:59forth as the battles over the love laws
9:02make plain the culture wars are a fight
9:05between democracy and
9:08patriarchy the ethic of care and its
9:10concern with voice and with
9:13relationships is the ethic of love and
9:15of democratic citizenship it is also the
9:18ethic of resistance to moral
9:21injury part one moral
9:25injury in his book Achilles in Vietnam
9:29the psychiatrist Jonathan sheay writes
9:32about moral
9:33injury as a psychiatrist working with
9:36combat veterans Vietnam combat veterans
9:39he recognized in their post-traumatic
9:42stress disorders an injury that had not
9:45been identified or described namely a
9:49shattering of trust that followed the
9:52Betrayal of what's right in a high stake
9:56situation where the Betrayal was
9:58sanctioned by those in
10:00Authority Shay finds that healing from
10:03trauma depends on what he calls quote
10:07communalization of the trauma being able
10:09safely to tell the story to someone who
10:12is listening and who can be trusted to
10:15retell it truthfully to others in the
10:18community so he advises before analyzing
10:23before
10:24classifying before thinking before
10:27trying to do anything we should
10:31listen just listen the veterans say when
10:36telling mental health professionals what
10:38they need to know to work with them
10:40meaning take in the story before trying
10:43to make sense of it because in fact
10:47their stories don't make sense they are
10:50stories about confusion about becoming
10:53quote confused where the confusion
10:56starts quote working on your head
10:58because quote you know in your heart
11:01it's wrong and you're told by your
11:04superiors that it's okay and it's not
11:07just okay this is the Veterans but
11:09rewarded with Medals of Honor in the
11:12words of one veteran these stories are
11:15quote sacred
11:17stuff all too often as sheay observes
11:20quote our mode of listening deteriorates
11:22into intellectual sorting with a
11:25professional grabbing the veterans words
11:27from the air and sticking them into
11:30mental
11:31bins that is we assume we know what
11:34we're hearing that we don't really have
11:37to listen that we've heard it all
11:40before thus Shay writes we resemble
11:43Museum goers whose whole experience
11:46consists of mentally saying that's
11:48Cubist that's El Greco and who never see
11:52anything they've looked at as sheay
11:55notes listening in this way destroys
11:57Trust
11:59I am struck by Shay's observations about
12:02listening because they so closely
12:04parallel the approach I have taken in my
12:07research listening in a way that creates
12:10trust was essential to hearing a
12:12different voice meaning a voice that
12:15didn't make sense according to their
12:17prevailing categories of
12:20interpretation the mode of listening was
12:22so integral to the process of discovery
12:24that my graduate students and I created
12:27a listening guide to specify a method
12:30other researchers could
12:32follow but I am startled by the
12:35resonances I find in Shay's descriptions
12:39of moral
12:40injury in the very different context in
12:43the radically different context of
12:45studying
12:46development it's children and adolescen
12:50my colleagues and I had observed
12:53something akin to moral injury that is a
12:56shattering of trust following a betray
12:59betrayal of what's right in a high stake
13:01situation where the Betrayal was
13:04culturally sanctioned and socially
13:07enforced we were not observing combat
13:11injury we were witnessing a process of
13:15initiation that is often mistaken for
13:18development an initiation that is driven
13:21by gender and more specifically by codes
13:25and scripts of what it means to be a
13:28real man or a good
13:31woman speaking of what's right sheay
13:34notes that no single English word takes
13:37in the whole sweep of a culture's
13:38definition of right and wrong we use
13:41terms such as moral order convention
13:43normative expectations ethics and
13:46commonly understood social values the
13:49ancient Greek word that Homer used
13:52themus encompasses all these
13:56meanings what's right is Shea's
13:58equivalent of Themis it captures more
14:01closely than terms like moral order or
14:04ethics the sense of an inner Compass we
14:07carry with us that alerts us when we've
14:10lost our way when we're doing something
14:13that in our hearts we know is
14:15wrong my observation of something akin
14:18to moral injury began with the studies
14:20of girls development that followed in a
14:23different voice the research highlighted
14:26an intersection in girls Liv lives at
14:30adolescence where an inner Compass
14:32pointed in One Direction and the highway
14:36signs in
14:37another girls had to throw away or
14:41ignore their compasses in order to
14:43follow the prescribed root with
14:46conviction in their reluctance to do so
14:50my research team and I saw a resistance
14:54that was associated with psychological
14:56resiliency and strength
14:59but the intersection itself was marked
15:02by confusion because at this juncture in
15:05development the very meaning of what's
15:08right was Shifting the right way to go
15:11was not the right way to go the tension
15:14between psychological development and
15:17cultural adaptation became manifest as a
15:20crisis of connection where having a
15:24voice meaning being able to say what one
15:28is thinking and feeling came into
15:30conflict with having quote
15:34relationships Iris a high school senior
15:36reflex quote if I were to say what I was
15:39feeling and thinking no one would want
15:41to be with me my voice would be too loud
15:45and then she adds by way of explanation
15:48but you have to have
15:50relationships how could she say what she
15:53was feeling and thinking and also have
15:56relationships but if she was not not
15:59saying what she was feeling and thinking
16:02then where was she in these so-called
16:06relationships the interesting thing is
16:08girls saw the
16:11Paradox judia 13 describes the pressure
16:14she feels to in her words quote forget
16:18your mind your mind she says pointing to
16:21her gut is associated with your heart
16:23and your soul and your internal feelings
16:26and your real feelings facing the
16:29quandry of how to stay in touch with
16:31what she knows and also with what is
16:33considered knowledge she arrives at a
16:35creative solution Judy separates her
16:38mind not from her body but from her
16:41brain which she locates in her head and
16:44Associates with her smartness her
16:46intelligence and her education people
16:49she says quote can control what they're
16:51teaching you and say quote this is right
16:53and this is wrong that's control like
16:56into your brain Judy says but
16:59the feeling she says is quote just with
17:02you the feeling can't be changed by
17:05someone else who wants it to be this way
17:07it can't be changed by saying No this is
17:09wrong this is right this is
17:11wrong as the interview draws to a close
17:14Judy States her theory of
17:16development really young children she
17:19says have mind more than anything else
17:21because quote they don't have much of a
17:23brain but then the brain starts to
17:26evolve and that's sort of like the way
17:28your brought up and I think that after a
17:31while you just sort of forget your mind
17:34because everything is being shoved at
17:36you into your
17:38brain Judi is 13 a reflective eighth
17:42grader struggling with dissociation and
17:45trying to hold on to what she knows she
17:48contends with a voice that carries moral
17:51Authority a voice she experiences as
17:53intrusive and controlling you can forget
17:56your mind she says but the deeper sort
17:58of not knowing the knowing she
18:00Associates with her heart and her soul
18:02and her real thoughts and feelings can't
18:04be changed by someone saying No this is
18:07wrong this is right however forceful the
18:10initiation however linked with smartness
18:13intelligence and education and all they
18:16imply the quote feeling is just with you
18:19a gut knowing buried perhaps but not
18:23lost the research on development gives a
18:26slightly different shift slant to Sha
18:28writings about moral injury it picks up
18:31on something one of the veterans said he
18:33knew in his heart that it was wrong he
18:37was speaking about on an intelligence
18:39era they had killed some innocent
18:41fishermen and
18:43children deep assumptions of what's
18:45right and wrong what's praiseworthy and
18:47blameworthy are rooted not only in
18:49culture but also in our Humanity
18:52reflecting on his title Achilles in
18:54Vietnam sheay notes that quote the
18:56specific content of the americ Warriors
18:59Themis was always often quite different
19:02from that of American soldiers in
19:04Vietnam but what has not changed in
19:07three Millennia are violent rage and
19:10social withdrawal when deep assumptions
19:13of what's right are
19:14violated we live in bodies and in
19:17cultures but we also have a psyche a
19:20voice and a capacity for
19:22resistance the psyche's responses to
19:25moral injury across time and cultures is
19:28V violent rage and social withdrawal and
19:31also as sheay describes going berserk
19:34going crazy because something happened
19:38that psychologically didn't make sense
19:41part two a triptic of
19:44development the word betrayal appears
19:46repeatedly in naobi Way's book deep
19:50Secrets used by adolescent boys in her
19:54studies to explain why they no longer
19:57have a best friend
19:59why they don't tell their secrets to
20:01anyone the Betrayal itself is never
20:04quite specified juston describes it as
20:07something that quote just happens he
20:09doesn't know if it's quote natural or
20:12whatever but the shattering of trust is
20:15unmistakable as Joseph says quote you
20:18can't trust nobody these
20:20days something had happened Justin and
20:24Joseph were among the majority of the
20:26boys in Way's studies boys from a range
20:29of cultural backgrounds Latino Puerto
20:32Rican Dominican Chinese
20:36African-American Anglo Muslim Russian
20:39and so forth Who quote spoke about
20:42having and wanting intimate male
20:44friendships and then gradually losing
20:46these relationships and their trust in
20:48their male peers as a freshman and
20:51sophomore in high school Mohammad spoke
20:53of telling his best friend all his
20:55Secrets when interviewed as a junior in
20:58high school he says quote I don't know
21:02recently you know I kind of changed or
21:04something not that much but you know I
21:07feel like there's no need to I could
21:09just keep my feelings to myself you know
21:12I'm mature enough Fernando Echoes his
21:15explanation asked what he sees as an
21:18ideal friendship he begins you got to be
21:21funny truthful I just got to have fun
21:23with you you know but then he says more
21:26haltingly and with a question um you got
21:28to I guess just be there for me I guess
21:32I don't want to sound too like I
21:35think I've matured in certain ways I
21:38know how to be more of a man in the
21:41early high school years the boys resist
21:43the gender binary that makes it
21:47like to depend on someone and want them
21:49to quote just be there for me but by the
21:52end of high school as way notes
21:55emotional intimacy and vulnerability
21:57have taken on a gender girly and a
22:01sexuality gay being a man then means
22:05being emotionally stoic and
22:07independent thus we see the effects of a
22:10gender binary and hierarchy where being
22:13a man means not being a woman or like a
22:16woman and also being on top what
22:19previously had felt
22:21unimpeded the trust and love trust
22:24respect and love that 15-year-old Justin
22:27says is quote so deep it's within you
22:30it's Human Nature has become fraught
22:33Justin doesn't know if the distance he
22:35now feels is quote natural or whatever
22:38what he knows is quote it just happens
22:42the boys in way study know the value of
22:44close friendships George says that
22:47without a best friend to tell your
22:48secret to you would quote go wacko Chen
22:51says that without a close friend quote
22:53you go crazy others describe how anger
22:56builds up inside them when they don't
22:58have a best friend to talk to some speak
23:01of sad sadness loneliness and
23:04depression the research with girls the
23:07centerpiece in the tryptic reveals the
23:10mechanism of betrayal how it is enacted
23:14through a series of separations that
23:16create splits in the psyche the head is
23:19divided from the heart the Mind from the
23:22body and the embodied voice the voice
23:25that carries the feeling of what happens
23:28is separated from
23:30relationships Tanya at 16 reflects quote
23:34the voice that stands up for what I
23:36believe in has been buried deep inside
23:40me a voice with Integrity rides resides
23:44within herself but its silence
23:47compromises her relationships and also
23:50her ability to participate as a citizen
23:53in a Democratic Society articulate girls
23:57such as Tanya and Judy describe their
23:59strategies of resistance separating your
24:02mind from your education taking an
24:04honest voice
24:06Underground when it becomes seemingly
24:08impossible to have a voice and also to
24:11have relationships some form of psychic
24:13splitting is
24:15inescapable I don't know girls will say
24:19I don't care the boys in way study say
24:23yet the girls do know and the boys do
24:26care although they may need not to know
24:29or to show this an injunction don't has
24:34come to stand between I and knowing or
24:39caring the internalization of the gender
24:41binary and hierarchy marks the psyche's
24:45induction into a patriarchal order
24:48whenever you hear a gender
24:50binary being a man means not being a
24:53woman or like a woman and vice
24:56versa and encounter a gender hierarchy
25:00that privileges the masculine reason and
25:03self over the feminine emotions and
25:06relationships you know you are in
25:08patriarchy whatever it may be called as
25:12an order of living based on age and
25:14gender an order that privileges the
25:16voice and the law of the father
25:19patriarchy is incompatible with
25:21democracy which rests on a premise of
25:24equal Voice or
25:26equality but it is also also in conflict
25:29with human nature by bifurcating human
25:32qualities into quote masculine or
25:35feminine it creates riffs in the psyche
25:39the internalization of patriarchal norms
25:42and values its codes and scripts of
25:45masculinity and femininity thus forces a
25:48betrayal of what's right by compromising
25:51our ability to live with Integrity in
25:55relationship with others it forces a bit
25:58betrayal of love and of Truth to
26:01appreciate what is lost and why one only
26:03has to listen to girls before the
26:05initiation sets in in a discussion of
26:08whether it's ever good to tell a
26:10lie 11-year-old Elise a sixth grader in
26:14an urban Public School says quote my
26:18house is wallpapered with
26:20lies whenever people say to me we want
26:23girls to have their voices I say first
26:25of all girls have their voices girls
26:27will tell you that
26:29that secondly do you really want to hear
26:32what they say my house is wallpapered
26:35with lies when I went to Alisa's house
26:37to get a permission slip signed I saw
26:40what she was seeing and I also saw her
26:43watching me see it a surface of domestic
26:47tranquility was covering an explosive
26:50sexual triangle Alisa's voice is the
26:53voice of countless pre-adolescent girls
26:56in novels written of across time and
26:59culture at the beginning of Jane air
27:03Jane a age 10 tells her aunt Reed quote
27:07you said I was a liar I'm not if I were
27:10I would have said I loved you and I
27:13don't people think you're good but
27:15you're bad and hard-hearted I will let
27:18everyone know what you've
27:20done it is the voice of ifag genah in
27:23ID's tragedy of scout into Kill a
27:26Mocking Bird Frank in a member of the
27:29wedding Rahel in a god of small things
27:32Claudia in The Bluest Eye tamboo in sey
27:35Danger's nervous condition Annie John
27:38you'll tell me about Spanish novels the
27:41list is endless we know this voice and
27:45yet it's hard not to hear this voice as
27:48girls themselves will come to describe
27:50it that is as rude or stupid or to quote
27:55Anne Frank as unpleasant and
27:59insufferable the voice is culturally
28:01inflected but clearly recognizable a
28:04girl on the edge of adolescence of
28:06becoming a young woman sees what she's
28:09facing and says what she sees children
28:13must be corrected an Reed tells Jane in
28:16Charlotte bronte's novel to which Jane
28:19responds deceit is not my
28:22problem yet this and this is precisely
28:25the issue yet once the correction is
28:29made few people ask where is that honest
28:33voice thus millions of readers myself
28:37included read Anne Frank's diary without
28:40realizing that what we were reading was
28:42not Anne's diary but a version of the
28:46diary that she edited after hearing on
28:49Radio free orange that was broadcasting
28:51from London into the Netherlands that
28:54the Dutch government in Exile had plans
28:56to set up a war museum after the the war
28:58and they were interested in Diaries
29:00letters and sermons that would give a
29:03sense of how the Dutch people carried on
29:05their lives under the harsh conditions
29:07of the war an wanted to be a famous
29:10writer she seized her chance rewriting
29:13over 300 pages of her diary between May
29:16and August of
29:181944 her edited version is what most of
29:21us read without missing what Anne had
29:25left out that is her pleasure in in her
29:28own changing body with its quote sweet
29:32secrets her pleasure with her mother and
29:35sister quote mommy Margo and I are thick
29:39as thieves again and her awareness that
29:42the stories adults tell children
29:44especially stories about marriage and
29:47Purity are quote nothing more than
29:50eyewash and knew what she was doing and
29:53why she wanted her diary to be
29:57chosen the Brilliance of dissociation as
30:00a response to trauma is that what is
30:02dissociated split off from Consciousness
30:05and held out of awareness is not lost as
30:08the poet even Boland writes what we lost
30:11is here in this room on this veiled
30:13evening when dissociation gives way to
30:17Association the stream of Consciousness
30:19the touch of
30:21relationship we have the sensation of
30:24coming upon something at once familiar
30:26and surprising some something we know
30:29and yet didn't know that we knew in when
30:32boys become quote boys Judy cheu brings
30:37the eye of a naturalist to a study of
30:40four and five-year-old boys observing
30:43them as they move from pre kindergarten
30:45through kindergarten and into first
30:47grade she Witnesses them becoming quote
30:50boys the pre kindergarten boys who had
30:53been so articulate so attentive so
30:56authentic and Direct in their
30:58relationships with one another and with
31:01her were becoming gradually more
31:04inarticulate more in attentive more
31:07inauthentic and indirect with one
31:09another and with her they were becoming
31:12quote
31:13boys Chu saw a boy's resistance to this
31:17initiation in their quote strategic
31:19concealment of their capacity for
31:21empathy their emotional intelligence and
31:24sensitivity in their desire for
31:26closeness boys relation ational
31:28capacities are not lost she writes quote
31:31rather boy socialization toward cultural
31:34constructions of masculinity that are
31:36defined in opposition to femininity
31:39seems mainly to force a split between
31:42what boys know and what boys show
31:45winning the boys trust you learned about
31:48quote the mean team a club created by
31:51the boys for the boys and for the stated
31:53purpose of acting against the girls the
31:56mean team established a masculinity
31:59defined in opposition to and as the
32:00opposite of a femininity associated with
32:03being good and nice thus the main
32:06activity of the mean team this is the
32:08four and five-year-olds was to quote
32:11bother people Che observes that the very
32:14relational capacities boys learn to
32:17Shield the empathy and emotional
32:19sensitivity that lead them to read the
32:21human world around them so accurately
32:23and astutely are essential if they're to
32:26realize the Clos less they now see with
32:28other boys yet in blunting or shielding
32:31or concealing these capacities in order
32:33to become one of the boys they render
32:36that closeness
32:38unattainable in the epilogue to 13 ways
32:41of looking at a man the psychoanalyst
32:44Donald Moss recalls what chu observed
32:49when he was in first grade they learned
32:51a new song every week and we told that
32:53at the end of the year they would each
32:54have a chance to sing lead the class and
32:57singing singing their favorite song
32:59which they were to keep secret for Moss
33:02the choice was clear quote the only song
33:04I loved was the lby when at night I go
33:07to sleep 13 Angels watch Duke keep from
33:11Hensel and gredle every night he would
33:13sing it to himself and like the song
33:15said the Angels Came saving him from his
33:19night terrors and enabling him to fall
33:21asleep it was quote and would always be
33:25the most beautiful song I had ever heard
33:29they had learned the song in Early
33:30Autumn and in late spring when his turn
33:32came he stood in front of the class the
33:34teacher asked what song he had chosen
33:37Moss remembers quote I began to tell her
33:41it's the
33:42lullabi but immediately out of the
33:44corner of my eye I saw the reaction of
33:47the boys in the front row their faces
33:50were lighting up in shock I knew I knew
33:53in a way that was immediate clear and
33:55certain that what I was about to do
33:58the song I was about to choose the
34:00Declaration I was about to make
34:02represented an enormous irrevocable
34:05error what the boys were teaching me was
34:08that I was to know now and to always
34:12have
34:12known that when at night I go to sleep
34:15could not be my favorite song that alabi
34:18had no place here that something else
34:21was called for in a Flash in an act of
34:24gratitude not to my angels but to my
34:26boys I changed my selection I smiled at
34:30the teacher told her I was just
34:34kidding told her that I would now lead
34:37the class in singing the Marines hymn
34:40from the halls of monuma to the shores
34:43of
34:45Tripoli Moss writes that his book quot
34:48can be thought of as an extended effort
34:50to unpack that moment in front of the
34:52class and indirectly to apologize to the
34:55angels for my treachery
34:58he had been quote unfaithful to them had
35:02quote renounced them in public and
35:04continued to do so for many years the
35:08residue was a Melancholia tied to the
35:10boy's awareness that what he is quote
35:13really doing in that fateful turning
35:15outward is simultaneously preserving and
35:18betraying his original love of angels
35:21affirming and denying his new love of
35:24boys after all now he and the boys are
35:26joined together
35:28and looking elsewhere for the Angels
35:31they might have all once had yet in
35:35spite of his treachery the Angels quote
35:37are still there Moss shows us with
35:41stunning Precision how initiation leads
35:45to a rewriting of History I was to know
35:48now he writes and to always have known
35:53that alabi could not be my favorite song
35:56and yet it was and quote always would be
36:00part three the love
36:03laws in an overlooked passage Midway
36:06through tolstoy's novel Anna
36:10Karenina we hear the hushed voice of
36:13karenin quote prior to the day when he
36:16saw his dying wife he had not known his
36:20own
36:21heart like Hawthorne in his novel The
36:24Scarlet Letter Tolstoy in an kenina
36:28takes us into the territory of the love
36:31laws in The Scarlet Letter the word
36:34patriarchy appears repeatedly
36:36patriarchal privilege patriarchal
36:38personage patriarchal power along with a
36:42portrait of the father of the custom
36:44house the patriarch Who quote and this
36:46is Hawthorne had no soul no heart no
36:50mind in this he resembles Kenan also a
36:54government
36:55official the central characters Anna
36:58Karenina and Hester prin are so dazzling
37:02so vibrant that our eye fixes on them
37:04they Stand Out Among the women the quote
37:07good wives who are gray and muted by
37:09comparison Anna and Hester are women who
37:12break the love laws driven by a quote
37:14Lawless passion we want to know what
37:17happens to them it is almost as if they
37:20serve to distract us from seeing what
37:23tolto and Hawthorne are showing us about
37:26what happens to men in
37:29patriarchy the names of Hawthorne
37:31Central male characters dimsdale and
37:34Chillingworth give us a clue yet Hester
37:36Scarlet a so rivets our attention that
37:39we may miss the implied questions how
37:42does a man of worth Mr Chillingworth
37:45become chilling how does a man of nature
37:47Mr dimsdale become dim it's TL stto who
37:51takes us to the core Anna is due to give
37:54birth to the child she conceived with
37:56her lover Veron
37:58deathly ill she sends a telegram to her
38:00husband begging him to come and forgive
38:02her so she can die in peace he assumes
38:05it's a trick and feels only contempt yet
38:09he's concerned that if he doesn't go and
38:11she dies it would quote not only be
38:12cruel and everyone could condemn me but
38:14it would be stupid on my part so he goes
38:18readers often forget or don't quite take
38:21in that at this juncture in the novel
38:24karenin offers to give Anna both her
38:27freedom and her son he will divorce her
38:31and by taking the disgrace on himself
38:33make it possible for her to go into
38:35society and to keep serosa with her as
38:39it turns out Anna does not take the
38:42offer her decision is unexplained in a
38:46novel where we're told what even the dog
38:49thinks Anna's refusal to take her
38:53Freedom it's a refusal that seals her
38:56fate is conveyed cryptically in a short
38:59paragraph quote a month later Alexi
39:02alexandrovich was left alone in his
39:04apartment with his son and Anna went
39:06abroad with vonsky without obtaining a
39:09divorce and resolutely abandoning the
39:11idea we are however told in great detail
39:15what happened to karenin when at his
39:18wife's bedside quote he had given
39:20himself for the first time in his life
39:23to that feeling of tender compassion
39:25which other people's suffering evoked in
39:27him
39:27and which he had previously been ashamed
39:29of as a bad weakness he suddenly felt
39:33quote not only relief from his suffering
39:35but also an inner peace that he had
39:38never experienced before he suddenly
39:40felt that the very thing that had once
39:42been the source of his suffering had
39:44become the source of his spiritual joy
39:47that what had seemed insoluble when he
39:49condemned reproached and hated became
39:52simple and clear when he forgave and
39:54loved Kenan settles into his his
39:57household he begins to observe the
40:00people around him the wet nurse the
40:02government and his son he regrets that
40:04he hadn't paid much attention to him now
40:07he stroked the boy's hair with his hand
40:10for the newborn little girl quote he had
40:12some special feeling not only of pity
40:15but also of tenderness he did not know
40:17how he came to love her he would
40:20sometimes spend half an hour silently
40:22gazing at the saffron red dowy wrinkled
40:25cheek of the sleeping baby and felt
40:28utterly at peace and in harmony with
40:30himself and saw nothing extraordinary in
40:33his situation nothing that need to to be
40:36changed
40:39but quote the more time that passed the
40:43more clearly he saw that natural as this
40:45situation was for him he would not be
40:48allowed to remain in it he felt that
40:50beside the good spiritual force that had
40:53guided his soul there was another Force
40:56crude and equally powerful if not more
41:00so that gued his life and that this
41:03force would not give him the humble
41:04peace he desired he felt that everybody
41:08looked at him with questioning surprise
41:10not understanding him and expecting
41:12something from him over a stretch of 15
41:16pages tolto repeats the phrases crude
41:20Force powerful force mysterious Force as
41:23though to make sure they stay in our
41:25mind like 's strong white teeth in the
41:29face of this Force karenin feels
41:32powerless quote he knew beforehand that
41:35everything was against him and that he
41:37would not be allowed to do what now
41:38seemed to him so natural and good but
41:41would be forced to do what was bad but
41:43would seemed to them the proper thing
41:46what seemed to Karen in natural and good
41:48becomes in the eyes of the world bad and
41:50improper the crude powerful mysterious
41:53Force which contrary to his inner mood
41:56guided his life demanding the carrying
41:58out of his will which led karenin to
42:01feel ashamed about quote that feeling of
42:03tender compassion which other people's
42:05suffering evoked in him and to regard it
42:08as a bad weakness is
42:10patriarchy Anna had broken the love laws
42:14but in doing so she freed love her own
42:17and as it turns out also that of Kenan
42:21we learned that karenin had been an
42:23orphan his childhood Bleak his pursuit
42:25of status and honor appear in this light
42:28as an attempt to fill an inner void he
42:31was a man afraid of feeling cut off from
42:34love ashamed of his Humanity until
42:37suddenly also a repeated word In this
42:40passage his heart opens in response to
42:42Anna and the baby an opening he
42:45experiences as simple clear natural and
42:48good he writes to Anna tell me yourself
42:51what will give you true happiness and
42:53peace in your soul I give myself over
42:56entire ly to your will and your sense of
42:59justice in this moment they appear
43:02simply as human he with emotions of
43:05tenderness and compassion she with Will
43:07and a sense of justice but the world
43:10they live in is ruled by a crude Force
43:13karenin sacrifices his love Anna
43:16sacrifices her will and her desire for
43:18freedom and with these sacrifices the
43:21tragedy becomes
43:24inescapable once Anna Leaves without
43:26obtaining a divorce once she gives up
43:29the freedom she wanted and that could
43:31have made her life with fronky viable
43:34enabling her like him to go out into
43:36society and not separating her from her
43:39son it's a straight line to her death
43:41under the
43:42train love is the force that has the
43:45power to upset a patriarchal order
43:48Crossing its boundaries in a Rend Roy's
43:51novel an Untouchable man touches a
43:53touchable woman it dismantles its
43:56hierarchy of race Class cast sexuality
43:59and gender thus love must be betrayed or
44:03lead to tragedy for patriarchy to
44:06continue hence the love laws hence the
44:09association of patriarchy with trauma
44:11and moral injury because as tolto shows
44:15us in the character of kenin the
44:17Betrayal of Love is a betrayal of what's
44:20right the privileged position of men in
44:23patriarchy can blind us from seeing what
44:26these novelist show us the devoted
44:29resistance the resistance that comes
44:31from within rather than from someone who
44:33stands outside the culture is the
44:36resistance of vonsky Anna's lover who
44:39repeatedly turns down opportunities to
44:42rejoin his regiment and rise in the
44:44hierarchy choosing instead to be with
44:46Anna in this respect he is like
44:49Shakespeare's Anthony who speaking of
44:51Egypt in Cleopatra says quote let Rome
44:54in Tyber melt here is my pleasure
44:57place tolto and hawor tell a dominant
45:01story they show us the price of freeing
45:03love within a patriarchal order but also
45:06the cost of its containment in the
45:08hushed voices of the men we hear the
45:11signs of moral injury when they are
45:13forced to betray what's right in a high
45:15stake situation A betrayal sanctioned in
45:18the eyes of the world as good and proper
45:22love Hawthorne writes whether newly born
45:24or aroused from a deathlike slumber must
45:27always create Sunshine filling the heart
45:30so full of Radiance that it overflows
45:32upon the outward world he also observes
45:35quote no man for any considerable period
45:38can wear one face to himself and another
45:40to the multitude without finally getting
45:43bewildered as to which may be the
45:46true conclusion the ethic of care it is
45:50difficult in this postmodern age to
45:52speak of an honest Voice or true face
45:55respect for cultural differ differences
45:57has similarly complicated the search for
45:59moral truth can we uphold the value of
46:03individual liberty and religious freedom
46:05while maintaining a commitment to human
46:07rights in these discussions the
46:09situation of women repeatedly comes to
46:12the for can a Democratic Society
46:15sanction or turn a blind eye to the
46:17subordination of women in
46:19patriarchy one way to advance the
46:21discussion of Ethics is to begin by
46:23talking about listening listening in a
46:26way that creates trust then talk about
46:29moral injury in the ethic of care how it
46:31can guide us in preventing the Betrayal
46:34of what's right with the paradigm shift
46:36in the human Sciences we can recognize
46:39the extent to which we have mistaken
46:42patriarchy for nature and fail to see
46:45what the Arab Spring demonstrated so
46:47viscerally the desire to have a voice
46:50and to live democratically is a human
46:53desire in Egypt the presence of women in
46:56t square square was striking and their
47:00subsequent absence from public life
47:02suggests that women are the weather vein
47:05in the struggle between democracy and
47:07patriarchy showing which way the wind is
47:10blowing the love laws are no small thing
47:13and we need to fight them not acques in
47:16the separation of women's rights from
47:18Human Rights or relegate women to a
47:21special sphere where equality becomes
47:23uncertain and rights don't apply knowing
47:27that the private sphere is where women
47:29are most at risk it's unconscionable not
47:32to speak out and watch out for women's
47:35rights and women's
47:37safety Sarah herie observes that the
47:40patriarchal family is neither
47:42traditional nor original in an
47:44evolutionary sense however natural it
47:48may appear however god-given it is said
47:50to be as herie writes quote patriarchal
47:54ideologies that focus on the ch of women
47:58and the perpetuation and augmentation of
48:01male lineages undercut the longstanding
48:04priority of putting children's
48:06well-being First Care is a feminist not
48:10a feminine issue eth ethic and feminism
48:16Guided by the ethic of care is arguably
48:19the most radical in the sense of going
48:21to the roots Liberation movement in
48:23human history released from the gender
48:26binary in hierarchy feminism is not a
48:30woman's issue or a battle between women
48:33and men it is the movement to free
48:35democracy from
48:38patriarchy the Laguna Pueblo poet and
48:41Scholar Paula gun Allen writes the root
48:44of Oppression is the loss of memory in a
48:47different voice identified the
48:50reclaiming of voice as a pivot a turning
48:54point in women's development if followed
48:57the recognition that selflessness long
48:59seen as the epitome of feminine goodness
49:02is in fact morally
49:04problematic it signifies an abdication
49:08of voice and an evasion of
49:10responsibility and
49:12relationship my interviews with pregnant
49:14women who were considering abortion took
49:17place in the immediate aftermath of the
49:19US Supreme Court decision in Ro v Wade
49:23when the highest court in the land gave
49:25women a decisive voice it encouraged
49:27women to scrutinize the sacrifice of
49:30voice in the name of goodness Janet one
49:33of the women interviewed articulates
49:35this shift in her thinking when concerns
49:38about goodness are joined by a concern
49:40about truth you have to know what you're
49:42doing Janet says you have to be quote
49:45truthful not hiding anything bringing
49:48out all the feelings involved before you
49:50can know if what you're doing is quote a
49:53good decision and an honest one a real
49:56decision
49:57a comparable turning point in men's
49:59development occurs when a man realizes
50:02he has been living a lie and scrutinizes
50:05the Betrayal of Love In The Name Of
50:07Honor or
50:09manhood Donald Moss reflects that he had
50:11been unfaithful to his angels had quote
50:14renounced them in public and continued
50:16to do so for many years but he had also
50:19been unfaithful to himself because in
50:22truth the lullabi was his favorite song
50:27the ethic of care guides Us in acting
50:30carefully in the human world and
50:32underscores the costs of carelessness of
50:35not paying attention not listening being
50:38absent rather than present not
50:40responding with integrity and
50:43respect in the documentary film The
50:46Gatekeepers six former heads of shinb
50:50excuse
50:53me Israel's internal security in silence
50:57a voice under political or religious or
51:00psychological constraint how can I
51:03listen in women for the honest voice of
51:05the 11-year-old girl or in men for the
51:08emotionally intelligent four-year-old
51:11boy what are the resonances that can
51:14summon dissociated
51:17experiences back into
51:20awareness like love art has the power to
51:23cross boundaries and open doors that
51:25have seemingly been naed nail shut what
51:28happens when we replace judgment with
51:32curiosity rather than putting ourselves
51:35in the shoes of another we would do
51:37better to put on our shoes and go to the
51:40other to learn from them about their
51:43place I conclude with Jonathan sheay
51:47quote if we want to live among equals
51:50with strength and cander among people
51:53with as Ides says free and generous eyes
51:57the understanding of trauma can form a
52:00solid basis for a science of human
52:03rights as sheay says the vision of a
52:06good life for a human being is an
52:08ethical choice and cannot be coerced it
52:12can only be called forth by persuasion
52:16education and welcoming appeal thank you
52:19very much

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