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Candice Sello - Dating Well | Relationship Room — Transcript

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0:00[cheering]
0:10>> What a wonderful introduction. You'd
0:11think I didn't write it myself.
0:13Amen. Please be seated and greeted in
0:16the presence of the Lord.
0:21The name above every other name. A name
0:24that I have a lot of history with. Uh I
0:26think um
0:28that introduction from Butho, I'm really
0:29just saying from a place where I can say
0:31that I have history with this Jesus. And
0:34I'm extremely privileged, of course. Uh
0:37protocol must be observed in the house
0:39of the Lord. So, please do allow me to
0:41greet Usiswam. Uh
0:44very good to see you, sir. And I really
0:45do pray for healing over you. A belated
0:48happy birthday to you.
0:51>> [cheering]
0:51>> So, so I do things like greeted the wife
0:53first.
0:54I greet I greeted the wife first. Uh
0:57Buth, uh Buth Maseko, um Fundisi.
1:00Muruti, my brother. What a privilege and
1:03an honor it is to be trusted with this
1:05platform. I'm not one person who
1:06believes I deserve this platform because
1:09of any man of influence. So, thank you
1:11for seeing in me some level of
1:13contribution within the body of Christ.
1:15I honor you and I appreciate you.
1:17And um to the fellow speakers as well.
1:20For what you're doing for them.
1:21Actually, please, let's just give Pastor
1:22Gift a very big round of applause.
1:25>> [cheering]
1:27>> And
1:29>> [applause]
1:30>> And we do so and we we give the Masekos
1:34um such a big moment of honor because we
1:36don't know the weight of the cross that
1:38you carry. And just because you do it
1:39with grace and such incredible influence
1:41doesn't mean it's easy. So, for the cost
1:43that you constantly pay for us to be in
1:45spaces like this and to be edified in
1:47the things of God, we really do
1:49appreciate the sacrifice for being
1:51leaders of integrity.
1:53We really do honor you and and we really
1:55appreciate that. To my brother, Pastor
1:58Black,
1:59what a privilege. I don't want to say
2:01too much because there's still going to
2:02be his long introduction and we need to
2:04to build up our applause for that,
2:06right? Please don't disappoint when that
2:08moment comes.
2:10And last but not least, a moment of
2:12astute honor.
2:16This is a testimony alone.
2:20I'm standing in the fullness and the
2:22faithfulness of God.
2:24He didn't just change my name, he
2:25changed my life.
2:30>> [applause and cheering]
2:31>> To appreciate
2:33the fact that I am a WIFE TO ONE
2:34HUSBAND.
2:36UH, GLORY. GLORY. [cheering]
2:39And when I say this, when I say I have a
2:41history with this God, when I say I have
2:43a history with Jesus Christ, me being
2:45able to say this is a testimony. And so,
2:48as we testify of his goodness, please
2:50honor my husband in that day. Sitshaba.
2:54Silo. In that day, Silo. Thank you, my
2:56love.
2:57>> [applause and cheering]
2:58>> Yeah, he flew all the way from Cape Town
3:00to be with us.
3:02Amen. Amen.
3:04Again, I greet you in the name of really
3:07a a Lord that I love so very much. I'm
3:10very very grateful to stand here and
3:12speak about something I know nothing
3:13about.
3:15>> [laughter]
3:16>> You know, when I look at my life CV,
3:19dating well, nowhere to be found. Glory.
3:23In fact, it's probably there in the
3:25weaknesses. Do we still do weaknesses in
3:27CVs? Dating well was a weakness. In
3:29fact, in a SWOT analysis, I would have
3:31been the threat.
3:33But in light of this, Bazalwane, I'm so
3:37grateful that I get to stand here and
3:39speak to you, not necessarily at you.
3:42That you're not here to receive this
3:45elaborate sermon.
3:47I don't want to load you and throw on
3:49you scripture upon scripture. And I know
3:50that there's different contexts. People
3:52have come here with different
3:54experiences, and whether you're here
3:56joyfully expecting marriage, whether
3:59you're here because your dating history
4:02is one that is paved and marked with
4:04shame,
4:06whether it is one that is full of wounds
4:08that are too deep to bear,
4:10and just experiences that are difficult
4:13to face, please know that you are in
4:15good company.
4:16When I stand here, I stand from a
4:18testimony of what God has taken me out
4:21of. And because I've encountered this
4:24Jesus, because I have seen his
4:26faithfulness, I am the wife that I am.
4:30That God encountered the wretch that I
4:32was. God encountered the brokenness, and
4:35as I was able to lay it at the foot of
4:37his throne, he molded me into the woman
4:39that I am today.
4:41And so, we laugh, and I say that dating
4:43was not something I know, but please
4:45understand that when I speak to you, I'm
4:47speaking with you, not at you. Knowing
4:49that I'm Like I said, it's not an
4:51elaborate sermon. If you came here for
4:53for content creation and bite-size
4:55moments that you can add onto your
4:56stories, let me disappoint you quickly.
4:59I'm not the girl for that.
5:00I I want to be able to speak to you,
5:03to you and not over you, but to speak to
5:06you with the knowledge that And I And I
5:08love what uh Umfundisi said said that
5:10that sometimes the church doesn't know
5:12what to do
5:13in certain regards. And so, my hope is
5:15that anything that I share today is
5:17almost a redemption to the things that I
5:19wish I knew.
5:21It's redemptive work to the 20-year-old
5:23me who lived a life of such extreme
5:26compromise because there's a very big
5:28difference between what you know, what
5:30you hear, and what you believe. And so,
5:33my hope is that you would come to a
5:34place of believing, not just in
5:36marriage, but to the Christ who gives
5:37marriage. And that you would go back to
5:39the place of encountering
5:42him. Where did I encounter him, and what
5:45is he doing in me so that when this
5:46opportunity comes, when this door opens,
5:49that I will be ready to answer and
5:51answer in a posture and a way that gives
5:54him glory. So can we just pray for a
5:56moment and then we're going to get into
5:57the word. Father, in the mighty name of
5:59Jesus, what a privilege.
6:02My God, I stand here and I cannot
6:03believe what you have done.
6:05Amazing grace, how sweet the sound.
6:08Father, that you would just save
6:10wretches like myself. If there are
6:11people under the sound of my voice with
6:13broken hearts.
6:15There are people under the sound of my
6:16voice with faith that is wanting.
6:19Who who feel so brittle, who feel so
6:22frail, who who just don't know.
6:25Father, I pray that they would leave
6:26here with the knowledge of your love
6:28first. And they would leave here with a
6:30faithful expectation of what you're
6:32going to do in them and through them
6:35before you do it for them.
6:37What a blessing it is to exalt you above
6:38all things. This is not just a nice
6:40motivational talk, but an opportunity
6:42for us to behold the cross and to behold
6:45you and everything that the cross comes
6:46with. And so we give you all the honor,
6:48all the glory, and all the adoration in
6:51the matchless and mighty name of Jesus
6:53Christ we pray. And everybody says a
6:55faithful
6:57Everyone says a resounding
6:59Everyone says an expectant
7:02Glory to God.
7:04So
7:05I think we all know that we are a
7:07generation who lives
7:09in a abundance of information, but
7:12unfortunately a scarcity of truth.
7:16And so why I believe that I am probably
7:19the most appropriate candidate to speak
7:22about dating well is because I dated the
7:25way the world does.
7:27Even as a member of the body of Christ.
7:31Even within the church.
7:33That my mind was framed by worldly
7:35expectations.
7:37My character was molded by what I
7:40believed was appealing to mankind and
7:43and and the things that the world would
7:45perpetuate.
7:46But in the midst of us being highly
7:48distracted as a generation, a generation
7:51who is often discipled by Tik Tok and
7:54podcasts, help us Lord.
7:57That there would be an opportunity to
7:59give sound counsel that does not dismiss
8:01your brokenness.
8:03And so wherever you are, please know
8:04that I see you.
8:06Now, it was just this week where there
8:09was such a wonderful teaching that I
8:10came across
8:12with So I'm studying. I'm not just
8:14standing here and just preaching and
8:15talking. I'm studying. I'm actively
8:17studying.
8:19One of the lectures was a virtual class
8:21and
8:22the facilitator gave a powerful analogy
8:26of total submission.
8:28An encounter.
8:31I'm sure many of us here are familiar
8:32with baptisms.
8:34Either you have been baptized, you have
8:37witnessed baptism, not the one that you
8:38did when you were two and they sprinkled
8:40water on you. There's that one.
8:42But then there's there's that total
8:45submission, a total immersion in water.
8:48And so he gave this illustration that
8:51when one is baptized, it is a complete
8:55work.
8:56A complete submersion.
8:58You don't see someone holding out their
9:00wallet.
9:01You [snorts] don't see someone holding
9:03out their ring. You don't see them
9:05kicking up their feet. They are
9:07completely immersed in that water.
9:10It is a complete work.
9:14And what that means for all of us,
9:15whether it is about dating, ministry,
9:18marriage, is important for us to
9:20understand that the gospel and the power
9:23of encounter is able to reach and redeem
9:26every aspect of you.
9:29Every part of you.
9:31We all have a history.
9:34We all probably have things that we're
9:36carrying in that we walked in here with.
9:38It makes me wonder what this room would
9:40look like if our emotional burdens and
9:43scars were visible.
9:45But, as far as baptism is concerned and
9:48to encounter this Jesus, he's able to
9:51redeem every part of you.
9:54Even the ones that you do that you you
9:56are clamoring onto, the ones that you
9:58you want to preserve. I don't know what
10:01it is about us as Bazalwane knowing the
10:03God that we know
10:04that we don't invite him into the area
10:06of our relationships.
10:08Am I Am I alone in this?
10:10Is it that an encounter that I was that
10:12I'm familiar with that maybe you're not?
10:14I I think I'm in good company in saying
10:16that when it comes to relationships, we
10:19we can invite God into their
10:21breakthrough. Do it, Jesus.
10:23We invite him into the area. We fast for
10:25days and days on end, but suddenly we
10:28want to take the driver's seat when it
10:30comes to relationships or better yet we
10:32say, "Okay, Jesus, take the wheel, but
10:33not like that."
10:36I'm here and I can testify that God
10:38knows my taste better than I do.
10:40That God knows how to handle the heart
10:42that he created. And sometimes to redeem
10:45me from the circumstances that I had put
10:48myself in.
10:50But I want someone to know that
10:51encountering Christ is a lifetime
10:53subscription.
10:55There is no small fine text.
10:58The gospel is able to redeem every part
11:00of you including those parts that are
11:03full of shame including those parts that
11:05you haven't wrapped your mind around
11:07just yet.
11:09And now what is important about this is
11:13God has already presented himself
11:15through the person and the finished work
11:17of Jesus Christ
11:18through the atoning finished work of the
11:20cross.
11:21Our role, Bazalwane, is just to believe.
11:24To believe, to invite him into believe.
11:27And that's why I say there's a
11:28difference between knowing something.
11:30Where I fell into sin, where I lived a
11:32life of a perpetual compromise, is that
11:35I knew but I didn't believe.
11:38I'd heard but I didn't believe.
11:41And the question is knowing the things
11:43that you know, what do you actually
11:45believe? And does that translate in the
11:47relationships that you're in? Does it
11:49translate in the conversations that
11:51you're having? Does it translate even
11:53with the way you see yourself?
11:56There is a difference and allow me to
11:57repeat it between what you know about
12:00God,
12:01what you know he has said about your
12:03circumstances, what you know about how
12:06he sees you.
12:08But you at some point not only have to
12:10believe it, you actually have to live it
12:13because the gospel in its redemptive
12:16power is actually practical. And it
12:18requires you not to just believe but to
12:20apply.
12:22Now, Paul addresses this so perfectly.
12:24In the book of Galatians, it's
12:26an epistle, it's a letter that he writes
12:28which is very passionate. If you know
12:31anything about the Apostle Paul, he
12:33takes the gospel very seriously. I'm
12:35quite a fan of his work
12:37and I love that he was able to refer to
12:39a a part of scripture
12:41where Paul really advocates for
12:43singleness. And he knows where his
12:45standing is with God. And where does it
12:47come from? Encounter.
12:50Encounter changes everything.
12:53And so if we could open to the book of
12:55Galatians, we're in chapter five. We are
12:58in chapter five.
13:00And I'm going to read it in the NIV
13:02version, the New International Version.
13:05And we're only on verse one.
13:08We're only on verse one.
13:11If you found it, please say amen.
13:13Amen. If you see it on the screen, it's
13:15fine. You can still say amen.
13:17All right. And so this part of scripture
13:20says,
13:23"It is for freedom that Christ has set
13:27us free.
13:28Stand firm then and do not let
13:31yourselves be burdened again by a yoke
13:33of slavery.
13:35I'm going to read it again.
13:37It is for freedom that Christ has set us
13:41free.
13:42Stand firm then and do not let
13:44yourselves be burdened again by a yoke
13:48of slavery.
13:49Now the context of this part of
13:51scripture is that in 40 well when when
13:54Paul was on his mission, right? Between
13:5647 and 49 AD for 2 years, he was able to
13:59minister to the church of Galatia or
14:02rather plant a church which we now can
14:03refer to as a church of Galatia. They
14:06happen to be Gentiles. Gentiles are
14:08people who do not live under the bondage
14:11of the law. In fact, we could even refer
14:13to them as unbelievers. And so the
14:15Gentiles are in Rome.
14:17Paul now goes to these individuals and
14:19he shares the gospel with them. Pure,
14:22unadulterated
14:24by grace alone, through faith alone, in
14:26Christ alone. Nothing else. That is the
14:30subscription. No Christ plus, no Christ
14:33polemics, simply Christ. Faith in Christ
14:37and the finished work of the cross. In
14:39believing that the atoning work that was
14:41fulfilled on that cross was enough.
14:44Now he does this but however he he finds
14:46out that there is a group called the
14:49Judaizers. So they were Jewish
14:50Christians. The Judaizers now enter into
14:54this church and say, "Okay, we know what
14:56Paul taught you, ne?
14:58But what we're saying is that there's an
15:00alternative gospel, the one that secures
15:02you more." Now they say and then as you
15:05continue to read in this chapter that
15:08one must be circumcised in order then
15:11for their salvation to be complete. And
15:13so they must become Jews according to
15:16the Mosaic law. So that if you date back
15:18to the book of Genesis, there's that
15:20moment where circumcision is that seal.
15:23Through Abraham and it continues into
15:25the Mosaic law and Jews then through the
15:27Torah would adopt this in saying that in
15:30order for me to have right standings
15:31with God, I must first be circumcised.
15:35And then thereafter as that seal, as
15:37that expression of cultural Judaic and
15:40Mosaic law, then God and I are on on
15:43good standings. And so now these
15:46Judaizers come into the church and they
15:48say, "Okay, we know that you've been
15:49taught this, but you must be a Jew
15:51first."
15:53It's almost like in our context, imagine
15:55someone saying to a pastor standing here
15:57saying, "Brother Lwande, yes, you can
15:59accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior,
16:00but once you say Oshlabe Hoh,
16:03you must now first sacrifice this, you
16:05must now spill the blood of this, you
16:07must now purify in this, you must now
16:09cleanse in this." Is that not familiar
16:11to our local context? I call that the
16:14Christ plus subscription, where we now
16:17want to take Christ, but for some reason
16:19the finished work is not enough for us.
16:22And now almost like the serpent in the
16:24garden, the Judaizers come in and say,
16:26"Did Paul really say
16:29did Christ really say, did God really
16:32say?"
16:33Now from the outside looking in, we can
16:34look at this church and say, "Hey boy,
16:36knowing all the things that you knew, I
16:38have a deep compassion for them."
16:41Because at that point, you begin to see
16:43our flawed and fallible human nature.
16:45There's what we know,
16:48there's what we believe,
16:51but then there's what we've heard.
16:53And suddenly what we know is
16:55compromised.
16:56And so you know what the Lord's
16:58standards are according to purity,
17:01but then you listen to that podcast and
17:02now what you know is compromised.
17:05There's what you know according to what
17:07God said about you.
17:09There's what you know and then suddenly
17:12that relationship starts to move you in
17:14a direction where now you are moving in
17:16the currency of compromise and not
17:18covenant.
17:19And so, what we know, what the Galatians
17:22knew was certain until it wasn't. Until
17:25circumstance, until other voices came in
17:28and then started to rattle the
17:30foundation on what they once used to
17:32stand on.
17:34And so again I say, it is worth
17:36admitting that there is a difference
17:37between knowing,
17:39hearing, and believing.
17:42What do you know from that encounter?
17:45That encounter that you had.
17:47That moment when you made a decision
17:49that I am following Jesus.
17:51When you had decided that God had taken
17:53you out of a lifestyle that you were not
17:55proud of.
17:56I know this. I'm standing here as a
17:58manifestation of that.
18:00But at some point you become swayed.
18:04And so Paul says, and what's important
18:06in that part of scripture, he says, "It
18:08is for freedom that Christ has set us
18:11free." It's past tense, which means that
18:13WE DON'T FIGHT FOR FREEDOM, we live from
18:15it.
18:16So the freedom is already
18:19sound. The freedom was already secure.
18:22For some of us we think that the
18:23relationship is going to rescue us.
18:25We think that that marriage is suddenly
18:26going to be the doorway into the
18:28ministry that we've been trusting God
18:30for.
18:31We think that this freedom is something
18:32that we have to work towards. And so
18:34he's saying to the church of Galatians,
18:36"Ema hanyani, don't subscribe to the
18:38things of this law because Christ
18:40finished that work on the cross."
18:43And so for us, my heart breaks Masalan,
18:45when I see people and women coming
18:47together and they fast for 40 days and
18:4940 nights wanting to manipulate the will
18:51of God thinking that suddenly
18:55that suddenly
18:57things are going to start happening. And
18:59that that's why I say I have compassion
19:01on the Galatians because I would never
19:03stand on a high horse of judgement and
19:05self-righteously say, "Because I was
19:07once there."
19:09I was once them knowing what I once
19:12knew.
19:13And that relationship, now I'm dating a
19:15guy who says he doesn't believe in
19:16marriage. And now I have to ask, do I
19:18really want to involve the government?
19:22Ha!
19:23Mzalo wami, thank you, my love.
19:27Hey, you guys don't know where I come
19:29from.
19:31I'm going there, my brother. I'm going
19:33there.
19:35And so So, two things happen in this
19:37part of scripture. If we could have it
19:38on the screen, cuz I do want everyone to
19:39observe. Galatians 5:1.
19:42You can actually open it there for
19:43yourselves as well. Two important things
19:45happened here, but something very
19:47important happens in the middle. So, uh
19:49the A part says, "It is for freedom that
19:51Christ has set us free."
19:53And so, what we understand is that the
19:54freedom was already secure, right? We
19:57don't need to manipulate the work of
19:58God. We don't need to manipulate the
19:59heart of God or solicit his love in
20:02order for him to do certain things.
20:05So, it says that we already free.
20:07Someone say, "I'm free."
20:09Mzalo wami, I'm free. Yes, you're free,
20:11okay? The B part then says, "Stand firm
20:14then, and do not let yourself be
20:17burdened again by a yoke of slavery."
20:20What this means is that the work was
20:22finished. We just have to allow
20:23ourselves to enter into it.
20:26And I know I've said this before, but it
20:28says that stand firm, which means
20:30there's a there's an affirmation on
20:33emphasis of choice.
20:35That you have a choice to stand firm and
20:38to not let yourself.
20:41God has taken you out of something.
20:44I'm confident that God has taken all of
20:46us here out of something.
20:48If you have ever encountered him, if
20:50you've ever been under the teaching of
20:52his word,
20:53you've either been challenged in the way
20:55you used to think.
20:57Perhaps you have been challenged in the
20:59way you used to live.
21:01But there for all of us is a yoke of
21:03slavery, right? Which means that
21:06everyone has a master. You choose which
21:08one it is.
21:10Either the master will be the things of
21:12this world.
21:13And if the master is the things of this
21:15world, your relationships will be
21:17informed by your master.
21:19And so, Paul then says here, "Do not let
21:22yourself." Now, what is true to this
21:24context he's saying, "The slavery at the
21:26time is them having to fulfill the
21:28Judaic law." He then at the at at a
21:31later stage says that, "Okay, if you're
21:32going to take partial a part of this
21:35law, take everything. And allow the work
21:37of Christ to mean absolutely nothing.
21:39And so, if you're going to take what
21:41they say on that podcast,
21:43take all of it.
21:46If you're going to take what they say at
21:47this woman's seminar, take all of it.
21:50If you do take all my teaching on
21:52Mondays,
21:53and they're saying, "Yeah, you're you
21:55know, and take all of it."
21:57Accept the whole thing and allow that to
21:59be your doctrine.
22:01Believe all of it.
22:03And that is the role that we have to
22:04stand firm
22:07on the things that God has said. The
22:10reason why I'm speaking about this is
22:11that what you think about God is the
22:13single most important thing about your
22:15life. I would be doing you no service if
22:17I came up here and gave you relationship
22:19tips 101.
22:21I would have done you no service. I
22:23would have wasted everyone's time. In
22:24fact, refunds would have been expected.
22:27Because
22:28this this this concept of having to deal
22:31with things and the symptoms of mankind
22:34is a problem in that we're not able to
22:36deal with the soul matters. And the soul
22:38matters is established in what we know.
22:41Established in what we truly believe.
22:45The truth is this, when you come face to
22:46face with the holiness of God,
22:48when you come face to face with the
22:50goodness of God, when you truly not just
22:53know his word, but it becomes
22:55established in you, it then provokes
22:58your human depravity.
23:01It then challenges you. Who here has
23:03been challenged by God's word? I hope we
23:05have. Thank you, Bazalwane.
23:07It's nice to know I'm not alone. Thank
23:09you, Bazalwane.
23:11So, at the beginning of Encounter, and
23:14and the reason why I also had those two
23:16verses or the verse there with the A
23:18part and the B part is I believe there's
23:20there's something that's unsaid in the
23:22middle.
23:23Not not that I'm going to say something
23:24that wasn't said, but I love that
23:26there's certain implications. When we
23:28see two verses in tandem that are
23:29contradictory, we now need to ask why
23:32are these sitting right next to each
23:33other?
23:35And so, the first part of that verse, it
23:36says, "It is for freedom that Christ has
23:38has set us free. Stand firm."
23:41And so,
23:42if Christ has already set us free,
23:45but I need to stand firm, what informs
23:48my standing firm?
23:50What allows me [clears throat] to stand
23:51firm?
23:52And it is Encounter.
23:55Truth changes everything.
23:57The truth of what God has said changes
23:59everything. The truth of God's standard
24:02everything. And I want to say to someone
24:03the truth of his love
24:06must must just when you come face to
24:09face with the love of the Father
24:11and how much he he delights in you.
24:15I love that it it says in Ephesians, I
24:16believe it's in chapter 1, that before
24:18the foundations of the earth were
24:19formed, we were predestined as sons to
24:21relationship.
24:23So, what that means is before you could
24:25do anything impressive for God, you were
24:27already predestined to be in
24:28relationship with him.
24:30Does that not tell you that all that
24:32these works all that these works that
24:34you want to stack up in hoping that let
24:36me pray more, let me fast more, let me
24:38do this more, let me do you does you not
24:40realize that that's all in vain because
24:42God has already made a choice about you?
24:44The score is settled.
24:46He's already made a choice about you,
24:49and that choice is not going to be
24:51informed whether you you get married or
24:52don't get married. The choice he's made
24:54about you is certain.
24:56And so,
24:59I want to offer some points here that
25:00encounter changes everything. Someone
25:03say encounter changes everything.
25:07Encounter changes everything.
25:11So, I know uh my brother Pastor Blessed
25:13I must tell you guys where I come from.
25:16Can I tell you where I come from?
25:18Hey, I'm going to make this I'm going to
25:20try and make this short. If I go through
25:21the full linear the full story of my
25:2520s, we're going to be here for the rest
25:27of the day, but
25:29number one, if encounter changes
25:30everything, encounter changes how you
25:32see yourself.
25:35I knew what I knew. I grew up in the
25:37church.
25:38I knew what God said about purity, about
25:40holiness. I knew what God said about
25:43what he thought about me, but I didn't
25:45fully believe it.
25:47And so,
25:48I was
25:50such
25:51a
25:53lover of being affirmed.
25:56For context,
25:58I'm very familiar with the kind of
26:00country that we live in where 33% of
26:03households have a father figure in it.
26:06And that's only a physical father
26:08figure, never mind emotionally present.
26:12Now, I'm not taking away from the fact
26:13that my mom is the greatest parent of
26:15all time.
26:16I would even wish her happy Father's Day
26:19because she wore the hat of both mom and
26:21dad.
26:22Having lost my father tragically in
26:231997, I did not know what it was like to
26:27be loved by a male figure.
26:29And I know that that is also true to a
26:31lot of men in the room.
26:33I'm saying this also because I see some
26:35debates happening on social media right
26:38now saying that
26:39where are the men?
26:41Why are men showing up in this way? Why
26:43are men so effeminate? Why are men not
26:45taking charge?
26:47I think it's simply because that men
26:48have not been discipled.
26:50Number one.
26:52Men don't know how to be men by
26:55standards of what some women call men
26:57because one there's a lack of
26:58discipleship and there's also a lack of
27:00male presence.
27:02And so I was subject to that.
27:05I would believe on any day that if you
27:07asked me if I feel like I have a void of
27:10not having a father figure, I'd say no,
27:11my mom loves me more than anything.
27:13Because she did.
27:15But the reality is according to God's
27:17structure,
27:18according to how God formed and
27:20fashioned this world that he created so
27:22intentionally and and so intelligently,
27:26every child needs a father figure.
27:29And so yes, as much as I may have not
27:30gotten into relationships with older men
27:32upon older men because I had moral
27:34standards, but I didn't have biblical
27:36standards.
27:37And now the problem is that I was able
27:40to live through the illusion of being a
27:41good person, but just because I was good
27:43doesn't mean I was godly.
27:45I was able to go, I'm a good person.
27:48>> [applause]
27:48>> Yeah, okay, maybe there's a little bit
27:50of compromise here, but I'm a good
27:51person. I'm with one guy. He's just one
27:55guy.
27:56That shouldn't be an issue, but just
27:57because in my version of truth it was
27:59good, it wasn't godly.
28:03And I was able then to make certain
28:05decisions which in hindsight I'm almost
28:08grateful that I made because I know the
28:11redemptive power of the gospel.
28:13I wouldn't know who Christ is and what
28:16he's capable of if I hadn't erred,
28:18hadn't fallen, hadn't faulted.
28:20And so there's a level of compassion
28:22that I have for others that I don't
28:23think I would have necessarily had.
28:26And so encounter
28:28Encounter changes everything. There was
28:30a moment and I've shared this testimony
28:32quite a few times. If you follow me on
28:34social media, maybe you've heard it, but
28:35for all intents and purposes I'm going
28:37to share it again.
28:39It was 2021. I became a chakra hand. Do
28:41you guys know what a chakra hand
28:43Okay, let me explain what a chakra hand
28:44is cuz I need to represent all the
28:46generations here that maybe are not
28:48familiar with
28:49It's more millennial, it's not a Gen Z
28:51term. Chakra Han is when you become
28:53God of the universe.
28:56>> [laughter]
28:57>> And now crystals are now telling me what
28:59my mood must be like.
29:01Hey Lorna, when you're desperate for a
29:03relationship, you search those
29:04horoscopes, okay?
29:08And that's the thing, to not know how to
29:10steward your singleness and not knowing
29:12how to wait well.
29:14I didn't know how to wait well. I I
29:16didn't even think singleness was a
29:17curse. I was probably in a point where
29:19much like Jeremiah, he says that why do
29:22wicked people prosper?
29:24Why are these girls a baddie, but she's
29:26married ah God.
29:28Ah God.
29:29Ah she's been traveling to Dubai. Me,
29:31I'm just just here.
29:33Ah God.
29:35Comparison is not only the thief of joy.
29:38It is the enemy of your covenant.
29:42Don't allow that.
29:43>> [applause]
29:45>> So in 2021, compromise after compromise.
29:48And like I mentioned, I was at a place
29:50in my life where my life was molded by
29:52worldly affirmation.
29:54Ah already from the point of being a
29:56film practitioner, being a theater
29:59practitioner, I fell in love with an
30:01applause from an early age. And I think
30:03the applause filled the gap that a
30:05father would have actually had.
30:07So there was that gaping hole where you
30:09run towards that and there's actually a
30:11quote, I'm paraphrasing, but um I I I
30:14forgot who it's by, but it says that
30:16there is a God-shaped vacuum in the
30:18heart of mankind. And it continues,
30:20right? I might be phrasing it wrong, but
30:23it's not scripture, so I can say it
30:24wrong.
30:25And so there really is, there is a
30:27God-shaped hole
30:29in the hearts of every one of us and the
30:31world is is seeking to fill it with so
30:33many things.
30:35For me, it was worldly affirmation. I
30:37got into the entertainment industry and
30:39it was all about uh wanting to build
30:41this career and wanting to tour the
30:43world. And so it was this tension of
30:47knowing what I knew
30:49but also desiring what I desired. So the
30:52flesh which is constantly at odds with
30:54the spirit.
30:56Now at this point
30:58I'm living in new age. Oh, maybe I can
31:01move in with you.
31:02So now I'm a new age practitioner
31:06and I'm still in the church.
31:08And what drew me to new age is because I
31:12could not bear one more heartbreak.
31:15And so at this point if I go to this
31:16woman who's a Reiki, a spiritual healer,
31:20that's how she sounded. So she tell you
31:22what race she was.
31:24Just because she's white doesn't mean
31:25she's not a witch. I mean
31:28glory
31:30honor
31:32And she prayed in the name of Jesus.
31:35Judas is
31:38And so at that point now I'm going for
31:40energy healing
31:42because I need to cuz I just had a
31:44broken heart. Broken heart.
31:48See see, my sister
31:51my love, my sister if you here with a
31:52broken heart, I get it.
31:54Don't go to the lady though.
31:57And so at that point you do you see how
31:59guys it's a system of compromise that
32:01starts with brokenness.
32:03Brokenness that could be aided by a
32:04fulfillment of the knowledge of the
32:05gospel. But now we now have we we live
32:09lives at the altar and at the mercy of
32:10our brokenness.
32:12And so chakra hand chakra hand chakra
32:14hand they I'm fast forwarding this.
32:16And then suddenly a friend of mine says
32:18you should get into club hosting.
32:21So what that means I should go to the
32:22club.
32:23As I'm there at the club I just make a
32:24lot of money. Life is good. I'm Georgia.
32:27Easy. Easy money. All I have to do is be
32:29beautiful and go there. Sounds quite
32:31easy.
32:33I look back at the pictures of what I
32:34was wearing.
32:37I archived those posts.
32:40I And you see, one thing is that
32:44and I I'm I assume we might be able to
32:46address this in the conversation that we
32:48have later.
32:50We've got brokenness, the illusion of
32:53being a good person, and the corruption
32:54of this world.
32:56I was so out of place.
32:59I was nothing near and close to the
33:01person that I believe God called me to
33:02be. And that why That is why encounter
33:05changes how you see yourself.
33:07Because at that point of encounter, I
33:09get to club hosting. I'm in Durban.
33:11And I'm doing this club I'm here in this
33:13club, bottle in my hand.
33:17This is not shame. This is not shame.
33:19It's I Maybe a little bit. Hey, guys.
33:22So, I'm there, bottle in my hand, just
33:24wearing a
33:26You know?
33:28Guys, you know when they say crying in
33:30the club? I was crying in the club cuz I
33:32had these I had the dimmers on. I had
33:33these shades on. But my soul was broken.
33:38And now, the problem is as ladies want
33:39to compare our lives
33:41to the women who are there, bottles in
33:42their hands, life looks fantastic.
33:45We think that they've got it all under
33:47control, but their souls are perishing.
33:50And I'm not saying this to shame any
33:51woman that comes to mind by any means. I
33:53was her.
33:55What's important that at that point of
33:57encounter, I came face to face with my
33:58brokenness.
34:00Because what happened in that club, and
34:01I have the language to explain it now,
34:03um
34:05how I say it is that it felt like for a
34:06moment I was attending my own funeral.
34:09Because I'm there, and everyone around
34:11me is dancing. I'm like, got to get up
34:13there. Tears.
34:16>> [laughter]
34:16>> But I'm the one who was buried.
34:19So, it's fine. We can be there. And I At
34:21that moment, the
34:22the love of the Father confronted me.
34:25And it reminds me of of of 1 Corinthians
34:286:19. It says, "Do you not know that
34:30your bodies are temples of the Holy
34:32Spirit who is in you whom you have
34:35received from God you are not your own.
34:39In that moment I really felt the father
34:40saying to me, you have strayed so far
34:43from who I've called you to be.
34:45And I know that can even be true for the
34:47gents in the room. I know maybe I'm
34:49speaking a lot from the female
34:50perspective, but that can be true.
34:52Machida, you guys are all together
34:55like zebra.
34:56I won't say too much.
35:00I say money. You guys are all there
35:02together and this is how you guys are
35:03are speaking about women.
35:06How you guys are speaking about women,
35:07how you you you're marking your
35:09territory.
35:11And you planning to sin and then repent
35:13after.
35:15That does that not happen?
35:18But
35:19at that point how you see yourself
35:21changes at the point of encounter and
35:23then it was in January 2022 that I was
35:26able to recommit my life to the Lord.
35:28Not necessarily because of shame,
35:31but because I had come face-to-face with
35:32a holiness
35:34that invited me to a place of conviction
35:36and repentance.
35:38In saying, okay God, I'm not proud of
35:39how I've lived my life. I may have not
35:41made the best decisions, but by virtue
35:43of how much you love me, by virtue of
35:45the finished work of the cross, can we
35:47start over Dad? Can we start over and
35:49what does it look like to then invite
35:51you into my life from this moment going
35:53forward?
35:55Now, there was even a moment where my
35:58pastor had said something to me and I I
35:59thought moment I wasn't necessarily
36:01getting close to the pastors. You don't
36:02want to get close to the pastors cuz
36:03you're like you you feel like they're
36:04going to have you remember that's so
36:06Raven when they when Raven have a
36:08premonition.
36:09Now you think hey, when I get close to
36:11the pastor he's going to have a
36:11premonition of the morning after the
36:13night before the night before the night
36:14before.
36:15I'm just like I ain't trying to have him
36:17close to me.
36:19And so there's a moment he came to me
36:21and he says to me
36:23and this is probably in the time of
36:24heartbreak and he says, your problem is
36:27you are dating people you should be
36:28discipling."
36:33You are dating people.
36:35God has brought you this man.
36:39GOD HAS BROUGHT you this person.
36:42I want TO SAY TO SOMEONE in the room,
36:44ne?
36:45Those of us with a savior complex and a
36:46hero mentality,
36:48please do not allow
36:52Please do not allow your intimacy and
36:54your covenant to die on the altar of the
36:57I can fix them ministries.
37:02There's only one savior.
37:05There's only one savior.
37:07Thank you, Jesus. Amen. [applause]
37:11Number two, and I think we we need to
37:13close soon.
37:14I've said too much. Number two,
37:17encounter changes how you see others.
37:20The beautiful moment in scripture in
37:22Matthew 9:36 where Jesus looks upon the
37:25flock. I know we often quote the part
37:28after we say the harvest is plenty and
37:29the laborers are few. But in that verse
37:31just before it says that when he saw the
37:33crowd, he had compassion because he saw
37:36them as tormented and harassed or
37:38harassed and helpless in another
37:39version,
37:40like sheep without a shepherd.
37:45One of my favorite things when Suchin
37:46and I started dating. Oh yeah, because
37:48somewhere in all of this craziness, he
37:50happened. Thank you, Lord.
37:53And men of God, amen.
37:55And so
37:57So, what changed? And I'm not going to
37:58claim that we lived the perfect life,
38:00either.
38:02But
38:03>> [laughter]
38:04>> Thank you, Jesus.
38:06But
38:08But encounter
38:10changes everything.
38:12And I I I I want this to be something so
38:14important for everyone here,
38:16whether or not again there's a faithful
38:17expectation, whether you are divorced,
38:20whether you're a widow, um whatever
38:22circumstances you come out of, things
38:24really started to change for our
38:26relationship when I recognized that his
38:29salvation is important to me.
38:32That his [snorts] relationship, his
38:34communion with God, is is something that
38:37I am accountable to.
38:39The word of God speaks about not causing
38:41others to stumble.
38:43And that is a very serious thing.
38:45You cannot claim that you love someone
38:48and are luring them into a life of sin
38:51for the benefit of your own fleshly
38:53desires.
38:54You cannot do that. It's not And I'm And
38:57it's not possible. I'm being so serious.
38:59Not possible.
39:01It's might In some way, we think it's
39:04incestuous for whatever reason, but I
39:06see him as a son to God.
39:09And his relationship with God is depen-
39:11It's not dependent, but I play a big
39:14role in whether I'm pressing him towards
39:16the cross, pushing him towards the will
39:18of God,
39:19or the way of the world.
39:22And so when that started happening, oh
39:24my goodness.
39:25We prayed like never before. We fasted
39:27like never before. And God did such
39:29incredible things in the 2 years of
39:31purity before we got married.
39:34Wasn't easy by any standards.
39:37By any standards.
39:38>> [applause]
39:39>> But we made that commitment because
39:41our
39:43The cross is important to us.
39:45That that
39:47I love it in premarital counseling, and
39:48I really recommend premarital
39:50counseling. Please don't try to get
39:51married on your own terms. You need
39:53premarital counseling to contextualize
39:54this covenant. And so
39:57they use a triangle analogy that as you
39:59press towards As both of you are
40:01pressing towards God, you find
40:03yourselves inevitably at the precipice
40:05getting closer to each other. And so
40:08that is a huge encoura- encouragement.
40:10Encounter changes how you see one
40:11another. The last three.
40:14Encounter changes appetite.
40:17A pastor last week said something so
40:19powerful. Oh my goodness. Uh Pastor
40:21Sergei, he's the lead pastor of every
40:23nation Rosebank, I mean Randburg. And he
40:26said that intimacy with God is reserved
40:30for those who no longer negotiate the
40:32terms of surrender.
40:34So, intimacy with God is reserved for
40:37those who no longer negotiate
40:41the terms of surrender.
40:44I spoke briefly about how it breaks my
40:45heart when women fast.
40:47Um and women can come together. There
40:49was a video that I saw where women it
40:51were wearing wedding dresses and they
40:52were fasting together and they were
40:53praying. And if that's been you, I'm not
40:55saying this from a point of shame by any
40:57means. If you've been there, if it's
40:58something that you believed would work,
41:00I'm not telling you why you should fast,
41:01how you should fast. Maybe the Holy
41:02Spirit gave you that instruction. So,
41:04it's not for me to say what is right and
41:06what is not right.
41:07What I think is very dangerous is then
41:09when we fast to twist the arm of God.
41:12Number one, when we do certain things
41:14within our walk to to again incite
41:17something, but also because the act of
41:20fasting is knowing that intimacy with
41:23God is the reward.
41:25And so, it is very likely that when you
41:27fasted about this thing and you didn't
41:29get married a year later, how could you
41:31not then be upset with God?
41:34Because you held him to an expectation
41:36that he never promised you.
41:38And so, we fast with the assumption
41:40that, "Okay, God, I'm doing this for
41:41you."
41:43And and that simply cannot work. And so,
41:45if may you delight in your singlehood,
41:47but also as you delight in your
41:49singlehood, may you delight in
41:50servitude.
41:51I say to a lot of single girls who ask,
41:53"Okay, Skinn Sister, what should I do in
41:54this time? Um this many years old and
41:57this is what's going on." Delight in the
41:58Lord and he will give you the desires of
42:00your heart. Not he won't give you the
42:02desire, he'll give you what to desire.
42:04He will shift your appetite and fix your
42:07eyes on those things, right? We know
42:09that the word of God says, "Seek first
42:10the kingdom of God and his
42:11righteousness, and all else will be
42:13added unto you." And we don't say that
42:15as just a scripture to slap onto a
42:17sermon, but that when we delight in
42:19servanthood, you realize that there's
42:21ways to love that are not just reserved
42:24for romance. That friendship is
42:27something to be stewarded well. So,
42:29ladies, if you're here and you're
42:29single, be a good friend first.
42:32My cheetah, if you're here and you're
42:33single, be a good cousin.
42:35When last did you check on your cousins?
42:37When last did you check on Rakgadi?
42:40When you're able to experience love and
42:42receive love, you start to realize that
42:44there's so much more than the than the
42:46love that romance can offer you.
42:49Encounter changes counsel. Now, Paul
42:51says, "If you're going to take the law,
42:53take the entire thing."
42:55What informs your standards?
42:58What has informed your standards?
43:01I think that should be for everyone.
43:02When you leave here, ask yourself, "When
43:05I envision this ideal partner,
43:07what is informing my standards? What is
43:08informing the things that I desire? What
43:11has informed my appetite?
43:13And in what way is encounter revealing a
43:15yoke of slavery?
43:17And what way, when I face the truth that
43:19God gives me and illuminates,
43:22in what way can certain things start to
43:25fall in? What is it bringing me out of?
43:26So, encounter
43:29changes your counsel.
43:31Encounter confronts character.
43:35It says in 1 Corinthians 13:1-3,
43:39"If I speak in tongues of men or of
43:41angels, but do not have love, I'm only a
43:44resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
43:47If I have the gift of prophecy
43:49and can fathom all mysteries and all
43:51knowledge, and if I have a faith that
43:54can move mountains, fantastic, but do
43:56not have love, I am nothing.
43:59If I give all I possess to the poor and
44:01give over my body to hardship that I may
44:04boast, but do not have love, I gain
44:07nothing.
44:09Woman of God, I know you can pray for 3
44:10hours, but can you apologize?
44:18My sister, I know you can pray in
44:20tongues.
44:25I know he'll He must know that I'm upset
44:28with him.
44:34You want to communicate in the seventh
44:36realm of the articles of heaven, but you
44:38can't communicate with your partner.
44:42In English, that's paid.
44:46And I'm saying this and I I really
44:48should close. I'm saying this because
44:50I think when the world is our counsel,
44:53we make it cute to emotionally
44:55manipulate our partners.
44:57We make it cute.
44:59Because what happens then you see these
45:00videos of these reels and women going
45:04Uh I said I'm fine. And then you just
45:06see her banging everything in the house.
45:08You just see her just shutting doors.
45:12Don't That's that's a form of emotional
45:13abuse and I want to say this straight
45:15out the gate.
45:16When you want to withhold affection from
45:19your partner
45:21because they did something that upset
45:22you, it tells them that offense is
45:24punishable. And that should never be the
45:26case in marriage.
45:28In any loving, God-honoring relationship
45:32that apology and unforgiveness
45:35are very important, right?
45:37That the ability to be able to put your
45:40pride aside.
45:42This thing of no, I'm not going to
45:43apologize. And then you go to your
45:44friends, you guys you go Yeah, my
45:46cheating.
45:53You know that you've left at home
45:54because you want to let off some steam.
45:55No, apologize quickly.
45:58My husband I practice say we apologize
46:00quickly, we deal with things quickly.
46:02And so before you think you are ready to
46:04become a wife, be a good apologizer.
46:06Apologizing Apologies
46:08That one.
46:09You must know how to deal Know how to
46:12deal with offense, know how to deal with
46:13unforgiveness, and know how to take
46:15accountability.
46:16Until God You know
46:18I wanted to say here that as Encounter
46:20deals with character, the things that
46:21God's going to do in you
46:23in your character
46:24before he then gives you that partner.
46:26Because he knows that if he gives you
46:27this person, you're going to wreck him.
46:30You are going to wreck her.
46:32So, there's counsel you need to take.
46:34Correction that you need to actually
46:36apply in your life.
46:40And last, but I believe what is most
46:42important, Encounter changes how you see
46:44God.
46:46That indeed, Mazal Tov, God knows how to
46:48hold the life he created.
46:51If you would just trust him enough
46:54to allow yourself to stand firm in the
46:57freedom that was guaranteed through the
46:59finished work of the cross.
47:01In saying that, you know what? The cross
47:02is enough.
47:04God, you know what? I trust you.
47:07My question to all of us is given that
47:10if you hold your heart to the light
47:13if you hold your posture, your dating
47:16history, your mind
47:17all the areas that God is saying you
47:20need to be removed from this yoke of
47:22slavery.
47:23You need to be removed from the things
47:25you believe. They You are in bondage.
47:28You need to be removed from what you
47:29think about men.
47:31You need to be removed from the concept
47:33of imposing on a 26-year-old Indoda
47:35Must.
47:38Baby boy is building.
47:42He's just No, yeah, he's just a boy.
47:46They No, you know what? And you know
47:48what? Don't post it on Twitter. They're
47:50going to call me a picky me.
47:53Hey, I've already been picked. I'VE I'VE
47:55PICKED.
47:57>> [cheering]
47:58>> AND THESE ARE THINGS THESE ARE THINGS WE
48:00DON'T WANT TO SAY BECAUSE THEY'RE GOING
48:01TO REPOST US. I'M SAYING IT to you now.
48:04You cannot impose worldly standards on
48:06godly marriage.
48:08And that's true for everyone.
48:11>> [applause]
48:12>> ABUTI, don't think you can take that
48:14baddie. Actually, no.
48:18There's this assumption that that
48:21Baddie's for Jesus. And they called me a
48:22Christian baddie on on Twitter
48:24yesterday.
48:25Hey, guys.
48:26But But lastly, a prompt a prompt that
48:29you guys can take home with you and
48:30something we're thinking about and we're
48:32considering is indeed
48:35when Paul says that
48:37it is for freedom that Christ has set us
48:39free.
48:40It is a knowledge that we exist from the
48:42posture of already being free, right?
48:44Already experiencing the joy of this
48:47covenant, this new covenant that is
48:49freedom.
48:50He says that that the spirit in the
48:52where the spirit of the Lord is, there
48:53is freedom.
48:55But now, we keep ourselves in bondage
48:57when we do not believe
48:59in the things that God has said.
49:01Not because the Bible itself wants to
49:03keep us in bondage.
49:05And that's what the enemy wants us to
49:07believe.
49:08That the scriptures are restricting us,
49:11stopping us from living our best lives.
49:12It is for freedom
49:14that Christ has set us free. You are
49:16already free through the finished work
49:18of the cross. And our only
49:19responsibility is to stand firm
49:23and to never allow ourselves to be
49:24burdened, returning back to the things
49:28that God took us out of.
49:30Take that home with you, bazalwane. I
49:31love you all so much. And I pray that
49:34someone leaves here knowing that God has
49:36made a choice about you.
49:38God loves you. And that choice is not
49:40dependent on a ring or a surname or a
49:43posture or a stature. It is fully
49:45dependent on the fact that when he died
49:47on the cross, he had you in mind. And
49:49everything that comes with you.
49:51God bless you all. Killer rata. Thau
49:54fela.
49:55Flore.
49:56He is good. He is good. Thank you as
49:58well.
49:59>> [applause]

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