Body Talk: Stories of Somatization (Full Video) — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:01[Music]
2. 0:39I know it's hard to look back but your
3. 0:41story might be helpful to others
4. 0:44basically if I think back it started
5. 0:47with these like crazy headaches um which
6. 0:50was weird because I'd never had
7. 0:52headaches
8. 0:58before before used to happen
9. 1:02like 50 times a
10. 1:05day that's why the principal told me I
11. 1:07couldn't come to school anymore can you
12. 1:09tell me what your first visits to the
13. 1:11doctors were like I was going to a lot
14. 1:13of
15. 1:14appointments and I went to emergency a
16. 1:16bunch of times they like sent me for a
17. 1:19bunch of tests and like CAT scans and
18. 1:21stuff and what did they say they all
19. 1:24said it was something
20. 1:25different one doctor said it was it was
21. 1:28a sinus infection
22. 1:31I was really
23. 1:33confused confused as to why I was sick I
24. 1:37knew my parents are really worried that
25. 1:39it was something
26. 1:41bad I was scared scared of what maybe my
27. 1:45die or
28. 1:47[Music]
29. 1:48something what was your life like at
30. 1:51that time like the way I see it my
31. 1:54life kind of stopped when I was sick all
32. 1:57I wanted to do was be in a dark room 24
33. 1:5947 like another thing that I had to
34. 2:02accept was that life was going to go on
35. 2:04without me you know my friends were
36. 2:06going to keep going to parties and going
37. 2:09to movies together and they were going
38. 2:10to continue to hang out even if I wasn't
39. 2:14there and what about your family my
40. 2:17family sympathized with me but it was
41. 2:20really hard to connect with them at that
42. 2:21time because no one had been through
43. 2:23something like that before it's not like
44. 2:26a cast on your arm that can show people
45. 2:29what's wrong when it's in your head how
46. 2:31are they supposed to know when you're in
47. 2:33pain and so you have to communicate that
48. 2:36with them but sometimes your words just
49. 2:39don't work so I don't know I kind of
50. 2:41felt like nobody really got what I was
51. 2:45feeling well it's hard it's hard seeing
52. 2:49your son go through something like that
53. 2:51it's terrifying because you don't have
54. 2:54any of the answers for him you keep on
55. 2:57taking him to see all these specialists
56. 2:59and they keep on coming up with nothing
57. 3:03Nicole can you tell me what it was like
58. 3:05at
59. 3:06first it was it was really hard to come
60. 3:09home and see Anna not really be Anna you
61. 3:13know she was she's always such a strong
62. 3:16willed resilient child you know she
63. 3:19always faced
64. 3:21adversity there was one time that she uh
65. 3:25she dislocated both knees and she was
66. 3:28just she was so full of grit and grind
67. 3:32she was I'm good I'm fine let's go you
68. 3:36know so
69. 3:39um it was really hard to see her like
70. 3:44that so how did you finally get a
71. 3:47diagnosis well uh I think the first time
72. 3:50we had a hint to what it was was uh was
73. 3:53when Matthew went in for his EKG he was
74. 3:57all hooked up with these uh sensors
75. 4:00these Electro sensors and uh he was
76. 4:02happy as a lar cuz he he actually
77. 4:04thought it was pretty
78. 4:05cool um we were talking with a
79. 4:08technician casually and he asked Matthew
80. 4:11how school was and Matthew fainted just
81. 4:16lights out I got a lot of pressure from
82. 4:18my family they uh didn't really
83. 4:23understand how your body can react to
84. 4:26stress like that why do you feel they
85. 4:28didn't understand
86. 4:30well I think that they thought that she
87. 4:32was you know she was putting it on that
88. 4:34she was just trying to get attention you
89. 4:38know they just thought that uh you know
90. 4:40it can't be a physical reaction to a
91. 4:44traumatic event you know it can't be
92. 4:46that one of the cardiologists said that
93. 4:49they think that they might know what it
94. 4:51was and what did the cardiologist mean
95. 4:54he said that Matthew didn't have a
96. 4:56problem with his heart but that it was a
97. 4:59psych ological problem he explained that
98. 5:02uh some kids when they get overwhelmed
99. 5:05their body acts out for them as if it's
100. 5:08doing the talking for them I I was
101. 5:11actually hoping that they would find
102. 5:14something physical that uh that they
103. 5:16could go in and fix it like like if it
104. 5:18was something physical it's tangible you
105. 5:21can see it it it can be dealt
106. 5:23[Music]
107. 5:28with
108. 5:31[Music]
109. 5:44you were saying that in the beginning it
110. 5:46was hard to make the connection between
111. 5:49Anna's feelings and her physical
112. 5:51symptoms it was hard for us at first
113. 5:56to understand how therapy was going to
114. 6:00be able to help with their headaches
115. 6:02yeah it it wasn't easy when Matthew's
116. 6:05awake he's a great kid it's just when
117. 6:08you see those two polar opposite sides
118. 6:12it's confusing he's passed out on the
119. 6:14ground because of a negative emotion and
120. 6:18and and then he has this great smile on
121. 6:20his
122. 6:22face that's part of the problem he was
123. 6:26bottling everything
124. 6:27up and Anna do you remember what our
125. 6:30first visits were
126. 6:32like um to be honest I didn't really buy
127. 6:35this whole thing uh I didn't really see
128. 6:37how talking about my feelings could fix
129. 6:40something that was wrong with my body I
130. 6:41mean all the medical doctors they don't
131. 6:43talk about the mind and stuff they just
132. 6:44talk about like what might be wrong
133. 6:47inside your body like a physical thing
134. 6:49that they can go in and fix I saw like
135. 6:52my chronic headaches here and then I saw
136. 6:56things like stress and sadness and
137. 7:00feelings
138. 7:01here I don't I didn't know that you had
139. 7:04to break the barrier and fuse them
140. 7:06together like I learned through that
141. 7:08connection that um I know to take care
142. 7:11of my body but that I also have to take
143. 7:13care of my mind well I started learning
144. 7:16about the things that made me sad and
145. 7:19worried then the triggers and things
146. 7:21like that that make me faint what helped
147. 7:24me the most at that time was probably
148. 7:27like hearing that my pain was real you
149. 7:30know that was a big realization for me
150. 7:32that it wasn't just in my head um I
151. 7:35realized that I have a lot of stress in
152. 7:36my life and that my pain had a lot to do
153. 7:39with that so Anna do you remember when
154. 7:42your headaches started the week before
155. 7:44they started I was at a dance camp um
156. 7:48dance is something that I like love and
157. 7:50that I've always loved but it's kind of
158. 7:53a bad combination for me because I put a
159. 7:55lot of pressure on myself and I'm pretty
160. 7:59prone to injury I
161. 8:01guess and I don't know it's hard to
162. 8:04admit that something that I love so much
163. 8:07can also stress me out a lot and I think
164. 8:12I just put a lot of pressure on myself
165. 8:13and it was building up
166. 8:16and and that's when the pain started to
167. 8:19increase because the stress was
168. 8:21increasing you were saying that it was
169. 8:24hard for you to make the connection
170. 8:27between Matthew's tions and his physical
171. 8:30symptoms well through the process I I
172. 8:33learned that the brain has such power
173. 8:35over the body and uh that Matthew had
174. 8:40some
175. 8:41particular emotional triggers um all it
176. 8:44took was the wrong word or thought and
177. 8:49he was out like a light I think that
178. 8:54Society has an easier time with
179. 8:57accepting a medical and a physical
180. 9:00diagnosis but it's it's hard for us to
181. 9:03understand that the mind and the body
182. 9:05can be
183. 9:07connected it's really
184. 9:10[Music]
185. 9:23amazing so how did you manage your
186. 9:25symptoms in the beginning uh at first
187. 9:29like when they didn't even know what was
188. 9:31causing the headaches um I was taking
189. 9:34pain medication which helped they gave
190. 9:37me some medicine but it didn't actually
191. 9:39work I also went to Physio and they kind
192. 9:42of helped me pay more attention to my
193. 9:44body so what about regular things like
194. 9:49going to school and hanging out with
195. 9:51friends well I actually wanted to keep
196. 9:54Matthew at home because I was worried
197. 9:57what would happen if if he painted I I
198. 9:59tried this but realized that it didn't
199. 10:02help Matthew at all he needed to be at
200. 10:05school with his friends how effective
201. 10:08did you think uh the various Solutions
202. 10:12between medicine and physio were I I was
203. 10:16relieved it it was a solution but that
204. 10:19began the longer process of trying to
205. 10:22figure out what what was behind all his
206. 10:25symptoms you mentioned that you began to
207. 10:28understand
208. 10:29that your symptoms were a result of
209. 10:31feelings and stress yeah I
210. 10:34guess is it hard for you to talk about
211. 10:36your
212. 10:38feelings um I mean well isn't like
213. 10:41everybody kind of afraid of that why do
214. 10:43you think that nobody really wants to
215. 10:46hear about that stuff you know except
216. 10:48maybe your close friends do you think
217. 10:49that people are afraid to share their
218. 10:51feelings because they're afraid of being
219. 10:53embarrassed yeah it's scary when you
220. 10:57have something you really want to tell
221. 10:58someone
222. 10:59because you don't know how they're going
223. 11:02to react like they could laugh at you or
224. 11:04be grossed out or I don't know they can
225. 11:07make you feel really stupid for feeling
226. 11:09a certain way when your symptoms were
227. 11:12really bad were you talking to anyone
228. 11:14about what you were going through no not
229. 11:17at all I just like ignore them I know as
230. 11:21soon as I started feeling something that
231. 11:22made me anxious I would forget about it
232. 11:25and I would just lock it away and I got
233. 11:27really good at that there were some
234. 11:28feelings that without even thinking
235. 11:30about it I could just ignore them right
236. 11:32away and what about your mom did you
237. 11:35talk to her much and she doesn't like to
238. 11:38talk about that stuff why do you think
239. 11:39that is know I think it just makes her
240. 11:42feel really
241. 11:45uncomfortable I think it was difficult
242. 11:47to hear about her feelings at first
243. 11:51because honestly it felt
244. 11:55like this was a this was a life
245. 12:00sentence I think that I was afraid of
246. 12:03what was going to come up through
247. 12:04therapy I was afraid of exploring my own
248. 12:11vulnerabilities do you think your
249. 12:12feelings about that have
250. 12:14changed no not really no but I uh I do
251. 12:20understand the importance of it
252. 12:23now um I think it was important for Anna
253. 12:27to see me be vulnerable
254. 12:29to see me cry uh she's better now though
255. 12:33um it's a change we've had to get used
256. 12:35to I've had to be strong all these years
257. 12:38and I think it was really important for
258. 12:41Anna to see
259. 12:42me open up a bit uh I had to learn that
260. 12:47it's okay to struggle with stuff and
261. 12:49that I can't be afraid to tell people
262. 12:52that like my mom we've talked about
263. 12:56stress and the fear of failing at
264. 12:59something that you really care
265. 13:00about what is it about that that makes
266. 13:03you afraid of failing I think because I
267. 13:07was afraid of disappointing
268. 13:09people like my family and especially my
269. 13:14dad I worked really hard at school and
270. 13:18piano and
271. 13:20stuff and I was always afraid that if I
272. 13:22messed up all my hard work would be
273. 13:26wasted I realized that
274. 13:29Matthew had some negative feelings and
275. 13:33expectations maybe even expectations
276. 13:36that I I I didn't even realize we
277. 13:39there I think I was putting so much
278. 13:42pressure on him without even realizing
279. 13:44it because he's a great kid he is so
280. 13:50hardworking and never complains he's so
281. 13:52dedicated to making me proud of him but
282. 13:55in
283. 13:56reality it was so much more difficult
284. 13:59for him than I
285. 14:00realized
286. 14:02and his body literally began to
287. 14:07collapse but now we have a dialogue and
288. 14:12we're able to work through it
289. 14:15[Music]
290. 14:27together it's sounds like getting better
291. 14:30wasn't always easy and it took a lot of
292. 14:33Courage how did you keep going before I
293. 14:37actually didn't want to go to therapy
294. 14:40but then I knew if I didn't go to
295. 14:42therapy then it wouldn't get any
296. 14:45better Ian it's still there like I still
297. 14:48wake up with pain and I still go to bed
298. 14:50with pain but it's not as bad as it used
299. 14:51to be and I'm really thankful for that
300. 14:55there were definitely highs and lows in
301. 14:57the whole process
302. 14:59um like sometimes I didn't even want to
303. 15:01come here but then we'd have one of
304. 15:04those like aha moments and we'd figure
305. 15:07something out and I don't know it made
306. 15:09me excited I'd be home and I figured if
307. 15:12we can do that one week then we can do
308. 15:13it the next week and so it's kind of
309. 15:15what kept me coming back and how do you
310. 15:18feel now I think we're doing pretty
311. 15:22good um I think I've learned a
312. 15:26lot uh I think that we're still going to
313. 15:28go through through some tough times but
314. 15:31you know our relationship
315. 15:32is uh better than it ever has been we uh
316. 15:38have the ability to communicate better
317. 15:40and we have the tools to get us through
318. 15:44it I think as parents we often
319. 15:47forget what it's like to be them at
320. 15:50their age everything is so important
321. 15:53they're trying to fit in at
322. 15:55school and learn how to make friends and
323. 15:58and keep up their grades it it may seem
324. 16:01easy to us but but the thing is they
325. 16:02don't have all the experiences we have
326. 16:05communication is so important you have
327. 16:09to stay in touch with your child in
328. 16:11order to know what they're dealing
329. 16:13with I am so proud of Matthew I feel
330. 16:18really
331. 16:19good I just feel like a happier person
332. 16:22now I've learned a lot I'm not so scared
333. 16:24of everything
334. 16:25anymore I think I think I accepted a lot
335. 16:29and I overcame a lot to get to the place
336. 16:32that I'm in you know I think everybody
337. 16:35loses hope and it's okay to lose hope
338. 16:38but it's important that you find that
339. 16:40hope again and that you regain the
340. 16:42confidence that it's going to get better
341. 16:45life is always changing and you change
342. 16:48every day and your illness is going to
343. 16:49change and your mental health is going
344. 16:51to change and you just kind of have to
345. 16:54let it run its
346. 16:55course and it's important to know know
347. 16:59that it'll be tough for a while but it's
348. 17:01not going to be that way forever so
349. 17:03looking back how do you feel
350. 17:06now I'm good I'm I'm
351. 17:11[Music]
352. 17:27great
353. 17:28[Music]