Bill Burr Doesn't Buy Oprah's Holier-Than-Thou Lance Armstrong Interview | CONAN on TBS — Transcript

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1. 0:00[Music]
2. 0:02I didn't think Lance owed anybody uh he
3. 0:04didn't do anything to
4. 0:06me you know what he did for me he raised
5. 0:09$500 million for cancer research that's
6. 0:12what that lie did that was great all
7. 0:14right and everybody had the bands on
8. 0:16remember the bands sure right on that
9. 0:19that blocked out the sun
10. 0:21right no it wasn't to block out the
11. 0:24cancer
12. 0:26yeah now the whole thing was annoying
13. 0:28and I hated how Oprah was interviewing
14. 0:30him and acting like she was dumbfounded
15. 0:33that this guy would do this like she's
16. 0:34been in Show Business for 35 years and
17. 0:36she can't like wrap her head around some
18. 0:39guy doing whatever it takes to get to
19. 0:41the next level didn't she for the first
20. 0:435 years have like midgets who wanted to
21. 0:45bang their mailman's boyfriend and she
22. 0:48and she didn't want to do it she didn't
23. 0:50want to do it but she didn't have the
24. 0:52power to say no so she wrote it out and
25. 0:55then when she could make a good decision
26. 0:58she did a show but she stood on the
27. 1:00heads of those little people for 5 years
28. 1:04until she got and then she's sitting
29. 1:07there ACR from this guy like like so how
30. 1:11could you you know exactly what he's
31. 1:14doing it's the stupidest thing I've ever
32. 1:17seen look the guy was a sociopath on a
33. 1:21bicycle all right as far as as far as
34. 1:26I'm concerned we we got off easy yeah if
35. 1:29that guy was working for a corporation
36. 1:30he probably would have been pouring
37. 1:31stuff in the water supply doing God
38. 1:33knows what just just keep them on the
39. 1:35bike just let him go up and down the
40. 1:38hill he's not hurting anybody not
41. 1:40hurting anybody he isn't and the top 20
42. 1:43guys like all tested positive for roids
43. 1:45so our roided up guy beat your roided up
44. 1:49guy
45. 1:50okay and and those guys who run that
46. 1:55filthy sport who was sitting there going
47. 1:57like oh this is absolutely this is
48. 1:59ridiculous he doesn't represent cycling
49. 2:01are they going to return all the money
50. 2:03that they made off of that guy huh
51. 2:05they're going to turn in their Yachts
52. 2:06they're not going to turn in their
53. 2:07they're not going to do it everyone turn
54. 2:09in your
55. 2:12yachts