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Beliefs in Parenting- Day 15 — Transcript

by Developing Your Growth · 2,276 words · 377 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:06Hello and welcome to day 15 of Life's
0:09book's 30-day challenge. So good to have
0:11you here with me today as we begin our
0:13exploration of the parenting category.
0:16I want to begin by saying that whether
0:18you're a parent or not, this is going to
0:20be a rich and rewarding category for you
0:22to explore. So please don't skip it if
0:25you don't have kids. You were a kid
0:27once, right? And you've got parents and
0:30children are an important part of all of
0:32our lives. I guarantee there's going to
0:35be something valuable in this category
0:37for you. So let's get started.
0:40Raising a child can be one of the
0:41richest, deepest experiences imaginable.
0:45It's an intellectual, emotional, and
0:47spiritual journey that simply can't be
0:50duplicated in any other way.
0:53Being a parent or even just being around
0:55children can be one of the best things
0:57about life. If you're a parent, you
0:59probably know how much pure joy and
1:02happiness and laughter children can
1:04bring.
1:06On the other hand, parenting has been
1:08called one of the hardest and most
1:10thankless jobs in the world.
1:13Raising children can involve incredibly
1:15difficult and sometimes painful
1:17circumstances.
1:19Divorce happens.
1:21Custody battles happen.
1:23You may have a child with health
1:25problems or with special needs. You
1:28might be at the end of your rope simply
1:30just trying to hang on while raising a
1:32teenager.
1:33There are very few activities that you
1:35can engage in that are even remotely as
1:37difficult or as demanding as raising a
1:40child.
1:42It's a crazy, complicated, and
1:45absolutely wonderful category.
1:48And it's also very, very important. As a
1:51matter of fact, parenting is so
1:53important that the entire human race
1:57depends on at least some of us doing it
1:59well.
2:01I'd like to share a clip from the
2:02Lifebook program now that really drills
2:05down into some of the beliefs that Missy
2:07and I have about parenting. Take a look.
2:34Being a parent is an awesome
2:36responsibility.
2:38The life of another human being is in
2:40your hands.
2:42When the process begins, they're totally
2:44dependent on you. They can't walk, they
2:47can't talk, they can't hold their heads
2:49up. If you left them alone for 48 hours,
2:52they wouldn't survive.
2:54As they get older, they look to you for
2:56everything important, their food, their
2:59shelter, their clothing.
3:01As they develop, they look to you for
3:03values, for morals, for a sense of life.
3:07Your level of health is what health
3:10means.
3:11They look at your marriage as an example
3:13of what marriage means.
3:15Your career is what career means.
3:18As a parent, you're under a microscope.
3:20Everything you say, everything you do,
3:23you are what human being means to them.
3:29So, what is being a parent all about?
3:32What does it entail?
3:34What are your beliefs in this area?
3:37Fundamentally, Missy and I believe that
3:40our job as parents is to raise
3:42independent, healthy, happy, courageous
3:46children.
3:48We believe that this entails three
3:49things.
3:51In order to raise kids like
3:53we've got to set a good example.
3:56We've got to create a safe, sane, loving
3:59environment.
4:00And we've got to teach our children what
4:03they need to know to navigate through
4:05life.
4:06Let's take a closer look at these three
4:08beliefs.
4:10First,
4:11we believe that it's up to us to set a
4:14good example.
4:16Now, everyone knows that we've got to
4:17set a good example.
4:19People are immune to this phrase.
4:22Please try to understand this. You are
4:25your child's world. You're all they see.
4:28You are the example of what being a
4:31human being is all about. You're the
4:33provider. You're the caregiver. You are
4:36everything. They want to be you.
4:39If you smoke, you're giving them
4:40permission to smoke.
4:42If you're overweight, doesn't matter
4:43what you say about sugar or junk food
4:45being unhealthy, you're giving them
4:47permission to be unhealthy every day.
4:50If you're a courageous person, a person
4:52who steps up to life, someone who's not
4:54afraid to set goals and go after them,
4:57you give your child permission to be
4:58courageous.
5:00If you have a fantastic relationship
5:02with your spouse, you're showing them
5:04every day what a proper relationship
5:06looks like.
5:08Put yourself in their little shoes for a
5:10second. They look up to you. You are
5:13their world.
5:16The most important responsibility we
5:18have as parents is to live great lives
5:21and be great people. The best education
5:24a kid can ever have is to see their
5:26parents living a happy, successful,
5:28stable, fulfilling life. It's not what
5:32we say. It's who we are as people that
5:35will affect our children's lives.
5:38So, all the life book categories are
5:40important here.
5:41The most important thing you can do is
5:43to really get into your life book and
5:45get all those categories in line.
5:50And our second belief, it's up to us to
5:53create a safe, sane, loving environment
5:56in which our children can really thrive.
6:00The most critical factor in a child's
6:01development is safety.
6:04Physical, psychological, emotional,
6:07intellectual safety.
6:10Their physical safety is first and
6:12foremost. Keeping them from getting
6:14hurt, keeping them out of danger, making
6:17sure they have proper food, clothing,
6:20and shelter.
6:22Then comes psychological safety.
6:25Children need the experience of living
6:27in a rational universe. A world in which
6:30facts are treated as facts.
6:33Truth is respected. Question asking is
6:36valued and not punished.
6:38An environment in which a child's desire
6:40to understand is honored and nurtured.
6:45And you know what? That's a world that
6:46too many parents fail to provide.
6:51The danger to a child confronted with
6:53adult irrationality
6:55is that they'll surrender the will to
6:57understand, the will to make sense out
6:59of the experience.
7:01The child may give up on the belief that
7:03thinking is worthwhile. And if they do
7:06that, it's game over.
7:08They're not going to turn into healthy,
7:09happy, independent people.
7:12You protect them psychologically
7:15by behaving rationally.
7:19And third,
7:20Missy and I truly believe that it's up
7:22to us to teach our children what they
7:25need to know.
7:26If you have parenting values that even
7:28remotely resemble ours, you need to know
7:31this.
7:32The government cannot teach our kids
7:35what they need to be successful humans.
7:37It's up to us.
7:39It's up to us to define what they need
7:41to know and to teach it to them cuz it's
7:43just not going to happen in school.
7:47School's important. School does a pretty
7:49good job at teaching some good
7:51information, some useful information,
7:53but school doesn't even come close to
7:55teaching the most important things in
7:57life.
7:58As a matter of fact, we believe that
8:01school teaches how not to be successful.
8:04Our society in general and school in
8:07particular tends to squash
8:09inner-directed kids immediately at the
8:12first sign of independence.
8:14Kids are taught to follow without
8:16questioning and to go along with the
8:18rules. They learn at a very early age
8:21not to challenge the teacher or suggest
8:24unusual ideas.
8:26And this is a recipe for failure in life
8:29and everyone knows it.
8:31The leaders in every field of society
8:34are the self-directed
8:35people who follow their own inner
8:37voices, not the people who play it safe
8:40and play the game correctly and never
8:42question and go along with what they're
8:44told to do.
8:46And never has this been more true than
8:49in the 21st century.
8:51There's a shrinking market for blind
8:53obedience in today's world. The last
8:55thing we need is another yes-man. We
8:57need people who can think for
8:58themselves.
9:00So, let me ask you a question.
9:02If independent thinking is so important
9:05to being successful in life,
9:07why don't they teach us a little bit
9:09more about that in school?
9:11The answer is because they can't. Our
9:14schools have to process millions of
9:16kids. They can't be attending to each
9:17kid's special need and talents. It's
9:19impossible. The system just can't do it.
9:23The government cannot give your kid a
9:26proper education. It's a parent's job.
9:28It's always been a parent's job and it
9:31always will be.
9:33Here are some things we want to instill
9:35deeply in our children that they don't
9:37teach in school.
9:40We want to teach our kids how to think,
9:43not what to think.
9:45Kids are taught the lowest level of
9:47thinking in school, how to regurgitate
9:49information.
9:51Kids are not taught the basic principles
9:53of logic.
9:54They're not trying to recognize logical
9:56fallacies. They're taught next to
9:57nothing about reason, rationality, and
10:01the importance of critical thinking.
10:03Can you imagine school teaching kids how
10:06to think critically, how to question
10:08everything? It just wouldn't work.
10:11The quality of their lives will be based
10:13to a huge extent on their ability to
10:16think in a high-quality way, and this is
10:19just not overtly taught in school. They
10:21got to kind of pick it up by osmosis.
10:24They've got to learn it on their own.
10:26Well, we want to teach our kids how to
10:28think.
10:31We want to teach our kids how to set
10:33their own goals
10:34and create plans to achieve those goals.
10:37This is one of the most important skills
10:39we can ever teach them. It's the master
10:41skill of success.
10:44What teacher ever said to you, "What is
10:47it that you really want out of life?
10:50What things are most important to you?
10:52What kind of skills will you need to
10:53develop? What will you need to learn?
10:55What will you need to do to get those
10:57things?"
10:59They're just not concerned with that
11:00because they can't be.
11:02They need to make sure that you can find
11:04Argentina
11:06on a map, and that you can add
11:07four-digit numbers, and that you can
11:08recite the first three lines of the
11:10Declaration of Independence. It's not
11:12their job to care about what you want.
11:16It's a parent's job.
11:18We want to teach our kids to never stop
11:21thinking about what they want out of
11:23life and why they want it and what they
11:26need to do and who they need to become
11:29to get it.
11:32We want to teach our kids about money.
11:35What it is, where it comes from, how
11:37wealth is created, and what it can do
11:39for you and the people around you. And
11:42school doesn't even try to address this
11:44issue.
11:46We go to school for 15 years or more,
11:49and we learn about geography, algebra,
11:51geometry, biology, chemistry, history,
11:55sociology, literature, music, computers,
11:58art, physics. We learn home ec for God's
12:02sake. We learn how to make muffins.
12:04And then we graduate, and we spend the
12:06majority of our waking hours just about
12:08every day for the rest of our lives
12:10trying to make money, a subject we've
12:14learned absolutely nothing about in
12:15school.
12:17I'm going to say that again because it's
12:19so bizarre and it's so unbelievable. We
12:22go to school for almost two decades, and
12:25we learn about everything but money, and
12:27then we graduate, and we spend the rest
12:29of our lives trying to make money.
12:32We're going to look at this craziness
12:34when we dive into career and finances.
12:37If we don't teach our kids about the
12:39creation of wealth, no one will. You can
12:41be sure of that.
12:43We want to implant the fundamentals
12:44firmly in their brains so that they'll
12:47have the opportunity to be financially
12:49successful and have abundance in their
12:51lives.
12:54We want to teach our children about the
12:56world through travel.
12:59It's one of the most important ways that
13:01Missy and I educate our kids.
13:04We believe that traveling is one of the
13:06best experiences a kid can have. It just
13:09yanks them right out of their little
13:10world, right off of their Nintendo game,
13:13and it expands their concept of life on
13:16Earth.
13:17The rest of the world is not America.
13:20If you want to get really thankful for
13:21what you have, spend some time in a few
13:23third world countries. We want our kids
13:25to see that. We want our kids to know
13:28that.
13:31And most importantly, we want to teach
13:34our kids how to live a great life.
13:36What does a good relationship look like?
13:39What's physical health all about? How do
13:41they find the career that's perfect for
13:43them? How do they create financial
13:45abundance in their life? What's required
13:47for their spiritual, their emotional,
13:50and their intellectual fulfillment? All
13:52the LifeBook categories. And again, it's
13:55our example that they're going to learn
13:56from more than anything we can say. They
13:59look at our lives, the lives we live, as
14:02an example of what's proper to a man and
14:05a woman. We want them to live great
14:07lives.
14:13So, those are our three fundamental
14:16beliefs. As parents, we've got to set a
14:18good example for our children, create a
14:21safe, sane, loving environment for our
14:23children, and we've got to teach them
14:25what they need to know to have great
14:27lives. And we've defined what that is to
14:30us. Now, there are as many parenting
14:33styles as there are parents. You know,
14:35it's kind of a cliché. You raise your
14:37kid the way you want, don't tell me how
14:39to raise mine. And I'm not doing that.
14:41I'd never do that. I don't believe in
14:42it.
14:43Missy and I have defined deeply what
14:46being a parent means to us.
14:48And if you're interested in living the
14:49LifeBook lifestyle, you need to do the
14:52same thing.
14:53This is an amazing, challenging, very
14:56exciting process that yields great
14:59results.
15:00Tomorrow, we're going to go deeper into
15:02this wild, wonderful category. And until
15:05then, have a fantastic day, and I'll see
15:08you tomorrow as we continue our
15:10exploration of parenting together.
15:27Mhm.

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