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Become Addicted To Discipline With These 6 Strategies — Transcript

by Leila Hormozi · 3,518 words · 474 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00Most people think that discipline is
0:02about being tough or having the crazy
0:04ability to suffer more than everybody
0:06else. But that is not discipline. That
0:08is suffering for the sake of suffering
0:10when it's actually not necessary to
0:11achieve your goals. I want to break down
0:13what discipline actually is. And spoiler
0:16alert, it is not about willpower and
0:18it's not about grit. Here's the thing.
0:20Discipline is not in your DNA. You're
0:22not born with it. It is in your design.
0:25It's about making success easier than
0:27failure by designing your environment to
0:30do the heavy lifting for you. Discipline
0:32is not a personality trait. It's a
0:34system. When I was 19, I was 100 lb
0:37overweight. I was failing out of school.
0:39I didn't have the friends I wanted. I
0:41didn't have the body I wanted. And I was
0:42just a mess. And I thought to myself,
0:45"Oh, I'm just not a disciplined person."
0:48But then here's the thing. Once I
0:50installed systems into my environment to
0:53make it easier to lose weight than to
0:55stay overweight, to make it easier to
0:58have the right friends than to have the
1:00wrong friends, and to make it easier to
1:02work hard than to be lazy, suddenly I
1:04looked really disciplined. For example,
1:06I took out all the junk food in my
1:08house, and if I wanted junk food, I
1:09would have to literally walk to the
1:11store because I didn't have a car. And
1:13that's when I realized that being
1:14disciplined sucks in the moment, but not
1:17being disciplined sucks later. and for
1:19the rest of your life. Most people
1:21aren't disciplined simply because they
1:22don't put systems into place. And they
1:24don't understand how it works. And then
1:26they think that they're lazy. You're not
1:28lazy. You're just not doing the things
1:30that you need to make it easier to be
1:32disciplined than not. And so if you're
1:34wondering, okay, gosh, I think you're
1:35right, but I don't have the systems in
1:37place. Where do I begin? The first thing
1:39that you want to do is block a time on
1:41your calendar where you can actually do
1:43research to put the systems in place.
1:46Even just the system of writing things
1:48down to prompt yourself to take action
1:51is actually a really great system to
1:53have. The question that you should ask
1:54yourself right now is what friction
1:57exists in my current environment that is
1:59making it harder to be disciplined than
2:02to be lazy. That's the first thing you
2:03want to think about. Like what things
2:05around me? Is it the food in my pantry?
2:07Is it the friends that I have? Is it
2:09what do I need to extract from my
2:11environment to make discipline easier?
2:14The second thing that I want you to ask
2:15yourself, willpower and motivation are
2:17like batteries. So, they're going to
2:18constantly deplete. Because here's the
2:20thing, structure is where you derive
2:22power from. And discipline is like the
2:24power grid. So, if you rely on
2:27motivation or feeling motivated, you, my
2:29friend, have already lost. Most days
2:31when I wake up, I don't feel motivated
2:32to do what I've got to do that day. But
2:34I have systems in place that make it
2:36easier to do those things than hard. For
2:39example, when I first start dieting, I
2:41told myself, I'm just going to white
2:42knuckle it. Don't eat anything bad.
2:44Don't eat this. Don't eat that. Don't
2:45eat out. Don't eat dessert. Don't eat
2:47whatever. I would go to dinners with
2:48food everywhere. And it would be so hard
2:50to resist. And it felt like all day I
2:52was resisting something which doesn't
2:54feel good. And I would always cave
2:56because I was relying on motivation. I
2:58was relying on willpower. Whether it's
3:003:00 or 6:00 or the end of the day or
3:02the end of the night, it would run out
3:04and then I would end up eating something
3:05I didn't want to eat. And that's because
3:07if your day relies on feeling motivated,
3:09if your goals rely on feeling motivated,
3:12then you're already behind because
3:13motivation is unreliable. It is a source
3:15that depletes. It is finite and it's not
3:18something you can control. So if you
3:19don't have structure and you don't have
3:21systems, then you quickly burn through
3:23your motivation and you don't ever get
3:24to achieve your goals because you don't
3:26have the real structure it requires to
3:28achieve one. So what I realized is that
3:30what you have to have to figure out in
3:32order to use this structure is what to
3:34do instead. Instead of relying on
3:37motivation, you create structure. So
3:39what does that look like? If I want to
3:40lose weight and I'm going out to dinner,
3:42I'm going to look at the menus for the
3:44dinner ahead of time. That's one option
3:45I could have, right? I could look at the
3:47menus for the place I'm going to and
3:48then I could pick ahead of time. When I
3:51get there, I don't have to think. I
3:52don't have to decide what I'm going to
3:53eat. I just get to eat what I already
3:55decided upon. The second thing I could
3:57do is I could say, I'm going to build a
3:59system where I eat before I go to dinner
4:01with people. So, I'm going to eat dinner
4:02at my house with the food that I know is
4:04healthy for me and helps me achieve my
4:06goals. Then, I'm going to go dinner and
4:07I'm going to get a tea. Or if it's the
4:10gym, right, and you're just trying to
4:11figure out how to work out, I'm going to
4:12follow an online gym workout template
4:15and I'm going to always have an
4:16alternate for if I've got to travel and
4:18I've got a travel friendly one. And so,
4:19my point is this. It's not that we want
4:21to stop doing the behaviors that are
4:23preventing us from reaching our goals.
4:25is that we want to figure out an
4:26alternative. We want to say, "What can I
4:28do instead? Instead of eating the chips,
4:30what if I order tea? Instead of ordering
4:33the fatty hamburger at the burger bar
4:35we're going to, what if I have a protein
4:37shake before I go?" The biggest way that
4:38I've been able to hack my way into
4:40having a disciplined life is I just find
4:42alternatives. A huge alternative I have
4:44is that, for example, in my house, I had
4:46this cabinet where I always stored
4:48candy. And whenever I go to diet, I
4:50actually put gum and mints where the
4:53candy is. So, every time I go to reach
4:54for the candy, there's a piece of gum
4:56there and then I'm like, "Oh, yeah. I'm
4:58trying to lose weight." And then I just
4:59take a piece of gum, I chew the gum, and
5:01then eventually I forget about the fact
5:02that I even won the candy. It's not that
5:03I try not to do something. It's that I'm
5:05replacing it with a new behavior. And
5:07that is a system. Another system that a
5:10lot of people have is when they wake up,
5:12maybe they eat a really bad breakfast,
5:14maybe you go to Starbucks, you get a
5:15really heavy coffee or something. Okay.
5:17Well, a system you could have is, you
5:18know what I'm going to do when I wake
5:19up? The first thing I'm going to do is
5:20I'm going to walk for 30 minutes.
5:22instead of going to Starbucks and
5:23getting this drink that has 450 calories
5:25in it, because they all do. Not only am
5:27I replacing it with a behavior that's
5:29going to help me, but replacing it with
5:30behavior that's positive, not even just
5:32neutral to my goals. And so, a question
5:34to ask yourself is, what is one decision
5:37that I can make today that will
5:39eliminate 10 decisions for tomorrow?
5:41When I think about this, I think about
5:42alternatives. We want to pick our
5:44alternatives ahead of time. What am I
5:46going to do instead of get my Starbucks
5:48tomorrow morning? What am I going to do
5:49instead of laying on the couch and being
5:51lazy tomorrow night? What am I going to
5:53do instead of eating the hamburger when
5:54I go out with my friends? What am I
5:55going to do instead of drinking 10 beers
5:57at that party? It's not about, "Oh my
5:59god, don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do
6:00it." And just focusing on not doing it.
6:01It's about focusing on what you're going
6:02to do instead. And if you make those
6:04decisions ahead of time, then all you've
6:06got to do is follow the system. The
6:08biggest lie that people tell themselves
6:10is that discipline should feel hard.
6:12Here's the thing. If it's too hard to
6:15repeat, it's not discipline. It's your
6:17ego. It's willpower. Because if
6:20discipline doesn't feel easy, then
6:22you're thinking about it wrong. For
6:23example, when I first started going to
6:25the gym, I went to the most advanced
6:27classes thinking I was going to get
6:28results really fast. So, I remember I
6:30went to it was called body pump. Body
6:32pump was where you would do like 30 reps
6:34of one exercise four times. And so, if
6:36you picked an even moderate weight, you
6:38were going to be fried from that. And I
6:40remember I went to Body Pump three days
6:42in a row and then I went home and I went
6:44to go upstairs to my room and I
6:46collapsed trying to walk up the stairs
6:48because my legs were so sore that I
6:50couldn't even they just did they just
6:52gave out and I was like, "Oh my god."
6:54And I remember the moment I crawled up
6:56the stairs and so I hated it. I remember
6:59I was talking to a friend of mine at the
7:00gym and I told her this and I was like,
7:01"I'm not going to go back to that class.
7:02It's just like too hard for me." And she
7:04said, "Lila, your muscles need time to
7:07adapt. If it's constantly painful and
7:10you're constantly in pain, you're never
7:11going to stick with it. And so what I
7:13realized is that if something feels too
7:16hard or too punishing or it's too
7:18advanced too soon, you're going to
7:20associate it with negativity and you'll
7:23avoid it. You're essentially punishing
7:24yourself. And then when we punish
7:26ourselves, that means we also avoid the
7:28thing that could potentially lead to
7:29punishment. So if every time I work out,
7:31I hurt really bad after, I'm going to
7:33eventually avoid working out because I
7:34know what comes after working out is
7:36feeling really bad and sore after. And
7:37so here's the thing. You're not failing
7:40at discipline. You're just approaching
7:42it from a standpoint of having too big
7:44of an ego, too high of standards too
7:46early on, or you're approaching it from
7:48a place of anxiety rather than ease or
7:50consistency. And so what do we want to
7:52do instead? We want to lower the bar and
7:55stack easy wins. We want to make our
7:57tasks so achievable that we feel good
8:00after we've done them. And then what
8:01happens is if we do something, we feel
8:03good after we do it. then we want to do
8:05it again because we like doing things
8:06that feel good. This is looking at
8:08yourself as a scientist versus being the
8:10judge of your life. You want to be a
8:12scientist of your own behavior and the
8:14way that you act rather than being a
8:15judge who's just trying to punish
8:16yourself all day. And if you do this,
8:18you're going to build positive momentum
8:20and then you will create consistency
8:22because we tend to do things that we
8:24like doing and we tend to try and avoid
8:25things that we don't like doing. And so
8:27question for you to ask yourself is what
8:28habits or routines that you've been
8:30putting in place that you haven't been
8:32sticking with feel punishing and that
8:34pain is making you avoid them. Think
8:37about it. Is it something at work? Is it
8:38something with your relationship? Is it
8:40something with yourself? Is it something
8:42with food? Whatever it might be, if you
8:44constantly do something and then feel
8:46pain because of it, you are likely not
8:48going to stick with it in the long run.
8:50So what this means is that real
8:51discipline is not about stopping a bad
8:54habit. It's about creating a realistic
8:57and better alternative. So, if you want
8:59to build real discipline, this is a
9:01common misconception that you need to
9:02avoid at all costs. So, I'll give you an
9:04example that's pretty morbid, but it
9:06always really resonated with me, which
9:07was my mother was an alcoholic when I
9:09grew up, and she quit drinking by
9:12smoking. Sounds crazy, right? But she
9:14went from drinking to smoking to vaping
9:18to chewing gum to eventually nothing.
9:20And so, she didn't go from zero to
9:22perfect. She continued to replace her
9:24bad habits in with increasingly better
9:26alternatives. I know it sounds nuts, but
9:29too often people think that discipline
9:31means stopping a behavior immediately,
9:33but that almost always fails. So, you
9:35don't need to be perfect right away. You
9:37just need to take a step towards the
9:38next best alternative. What you want to
9:40do is identify a realistic, better, not
9:44perfect alternative to your habit. So,
9:46instead of drinking vodka, maybe you
9:48drink a seltzer. Instead of drinking a
9:51seltzer, maybe you have a craft beer.
9:54Instead of a craft beer, maybe you're
9:55going to have a non-alcoholic beer.
9:58Maybe then instead of a non-alcoholic
9:59beer, then you're going to have a diet
10:01coke. And then, but after a diet coke,
10:02you're going to say, "I'm going to have
10:03a sparkling water." And then from a
10:05sparkling water, you can stick with that
10:06or go to a water. You see how it goes?
10:08It's like you take tiny little steps.
10:10You don't just make the big swing all at
10:12once. This can be done with food as
10:14well. Say you eat dessert every night.
10:15You're like, I eat a Sunday every night.
10:17It's like, all right, I'm going to go
10:18from having a Sunday every night to
10:19nothing. No, let's go from having a
10:21Sunday with caramel, with toppings, with
10:23hot fudge to like, let's have a Sunday
10:25with no hot fudge. Then 2 days later,
10:27let's have a Sunday with no brownie
10:29bites. Then 2 days later, let's have a
10:30Sunday with half the ice cream. And you
10:32just continue to gradually swap out
10:34alternatives in stages. And so small
10:38steps in the right direction turn into
10:40big changes over time. It's just that
10:42most people are so impatient with
10:43themselves, they don't allow themselves
10:45to get there and they stay stuck in this
10:47cycle of going big change and then back
10:49out, big change again, back out. So,
10:52here's the deal. If you want true
10:54freedom, you have to stop relying on how
10:56you feel each day. Freedom comes from
10:58following a plan, not your feelings. A
11:00good example of this is that every year
11:02I map out a 12-month plan for my
11:04business. And now I do this because what
11:07it means is that I take some time. Maybe
11:09it's a week, it's two weeks, it's five
11:12days. And I put all of my effort into
11:14figuring out what's the plan going to
11:16look like to get me to my goal 12 months
11:18from now. Now, why do I do this? I do
11:20this because I'm trying to get all the
11:22hard thinking done ahead of time so that
11:25every day when I step into my business,
11:27I just get to execute. I don't have to
11:29keep thinking. I don't have decision
11:30fatigue. I'm not constantly in this tear
11:32of like, what should I do? What do I
11:34need to do to grow my business? I just
11:36know. And I've been able to achieve that
11:38level of freedom through structure
11:40because without structure, I'm going to
11:42constantly debate with myself and I'm
11:44going to be exhausted because I'm going
11:46to be in this cycle of like decision
11:48execution, decision, execution. And that
11:50decision fatigue is going to prevent any
11:52kind of meaningful progress because I'm
11:54going to be stuck in this cycle of
11:55questioning what I'm doing. But if I do
11:57all the thinking ahead of time and then
11:59I just get to execute, I don't think
12:00about it. I just say, you know what, I'm
12:02going to play this out. I'm going to see
12:03if I make progress. Another example of
12:05this is that every Sunday I plan my
12:07entire next week. Why do I do that? It
12:09is another way of doing this on a micro
12:10level, which is I don't want to wake up
12:12every day and be like, what am I doing
12:13today? I think it's the biggest waste of
12:15my time and energy. And there's nothing
12:17I hate more than not knowing what I'm
12:18going to be doing for the day. Now, it
12:19doesn't have to be perfect. It's
12:20something that you can do. You can test
12:22it out for a week and you'll see how
12:23much more freedom you feel when just on
12:26a daily basis, you're not arguing with
12:28yourself. And so the question that you
12:30can ask yourself is how much energy am I
12:32losing by fighting with myself on a
12:34daily basis. All in all, discipline
12:37isn't sexy. It is boring. And boring is
12:40what scales? Boring is what works. If
12:42your routine is exciting, you're
12:43probably doing it wrong. Because by the
12:46nature of routine, if it's exciting, it
12:47means you don't do it all the time,
12:48which means it's not a routine. It's
12:50funny because people say all the time,
12:51"I would love to see a day in your life,
12:53Ila." And I'm like, well, that's boring
12:54as because my life is a series of
12:57systems strung together every day. And
12:58so it means like I have a system for
13:00working out. I have a system for my
13:01marriage. I have a system for my
13:03business. I have a system for my
13:04friendships. I have a system for my
13:05family. Like I have a system for every
13:07aspect of my life. But here's the thing.
13:09Those systems, those are discipline and
13:11they're real. Are they boring? For sure
13:13they look boring from the outside, but
13:15they get the results that I'm looking
13:17for in my life. And a lot of the times,
13:19most people are just chasing novelty.
13:21They want a new workout. They want a new
13:23mastermind, a new business, a new
13:24meetup, but they don't actually get any
13:26results. They just feel like they're
13:28making progress cuz they get to go to
13:29from 0 to 1 a million times. I'd rather
13:32go from 1 to 10. And so, the reality is,
13:34if your routine is too exciting, you're
13:37probably not actually making progress.
13:39And so, you want to embrace boring
13:41routines. Doing simple things
13:42consistently is what actually leads to
13:44massive success. I have literally never
13:46had a time where I have woken up on a
13:48single day and thought, I want to do
13:50every single thing today. Seriously, I
13:53haven't in a long, long time, probably
13:5515 years. Because most days I wake up, I
13:57at least don't want to do one thing. I
13:59don't want to do the workout. I don't
14:00want to talk to the person. I don't want
14:02to have the hard conversation. I don't
14:04want to do the interview. I don't want
14:05to do eight meetings. I don't want to
14:07run a board meeting. I don't want to
14:08look at these financials. I don't want
14:10to answer these emails. I don't want to
14:12talk to anybody. But I also know that
14:14feelings are pleading. And I want the
14:16long-term satisfaction of knowing that I
14:18can stick with something, knowing I have
14:20control over myself and knowing that
14:21I've mastered something. And what I've
14:23seen is that when you start doing it, it
14:25adds up. And then you start to feel
14:28better about yourself and better than
14:29you've ever felt because you're like, I
14:31trust myself. I trust myself to stick
14:33with the plan. I trust myself to have my
14:35own back. Discipline is not just going
14:37to bring you closer to your goals. It's
14:39going to bring you closer to the person
14:40that you want to be. At the end of the
14:42day, I care more about how I feel about
14:44myself when I'm by myself than I do
14:46about the fleeting moments I had during
14:48the day where maybe I wasn't super into
14:49something. Maybe I didn't want to do it
14:50for 5 seconds, but that always goes
14:52away. Building discipline is only half
14:54the battle. But if this felt valuable,
14:56you can go ahead and watch my video on
14:58building micro habits that could change
14:59your

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