Be Yourself and Watch Your Life Rearrange — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00Being yourself completely transforms
2. 0:01your life in four distinct ways. But to
3. 0:04really understand that, you have to
4. 0:05understand what I mean by being
5. 0:07yourself. So, there's a lot of folks who
6. 0:09feel like, "Oh, if I'm myself, what I'm
7. 0:11going to do is I'm going to play video
8. 0:13games all day, and use porn all day, and
9. 0:15drink beer all day, and I'm just going
10. 0:17to give in to all of these
11. 0:20uh vices and and and idiosyncrasies that
12. 0:24I actually don't like about myself." And
13. 0:26the key there is that
14. 0:27they're things that you actually don't
15. 0:28like. Right? If you did them all the
16. 0:31time, you would feel like It's a
17. 0:32very important thing to recognize that
18. 0:34who you want to be
19. 0:37is a huge uh pointer to what you
20. 0:40actually are. So, what do I mean by
21. 0:42being yourself? What does it mean to be
22. 0:44actually yourself? So, there's lots of
23. 0:45ways to look at it. Who are you that you
24. 0:48have always been? To actually live in
25. 0:50that question, not look for an answer,
26. 0:51but just live in that question for a
27. 0:53minute. And you can do that right now.
28. 0:55You can pause the video and just go,
29. 0:56"Oh, like
30. 0:58what have I always been, or what am I
31. 0:59essentially?"
32. 1:01And that's a good way to access what
33. 1:03you've what you truly are. Another way
34. 1:05to think about it is if you're going
35. 1:07through the world and you take an action
36. 1:10that causes a lot of constriction in
37. 1:12your system, you're like,
38. 1:13"Ugh."
39. 1:14"Ugh, that doesn't feel good. That
40. 1:16doesn't feel right." That's a pretty
41. 1:17good indicator that you're not being who
42. 1:19you are. Doesn't You're not being your
43. 1:21true self. Because if you're being your
44. 1:24true self and you're acting in
45. 1:25alignment, then there's not this
46. 1:27tremendous amount of constriction in the
47. 1:28things that you do. There might be fear.
48. 1:30There might be anger, but there's not a
49. 1:32sense of like, "Oh, oh I shouldn't be
50. 1:34doing this." So, that's another really
51. 1:37great way to see, "Oh, am I being who I
52. 1:40who I am, or am I not being who I am?"
53. 1:42Another way is if you're in a fight with
54. 1:44yourself constantly,
55. 1:45if there's like
56. 1:47"You shouldn't do that. I should do
57. 1:48this. Why aren't you doing this? Why did
58. 1:50you say that?" All of that fight is an
59. 1:52indicator that you're not being who you
60. 1:54are.
61. 1:55Right? Because if you're fighting with
62. 1:57yourself, then which one is you?
63. 1:59The person who's telling you to do it
64. 2:01not to do it or the person doing it?
65. 2:03There's a lot of confusion there.
66. 2:05But when you ask that question that we
67. 2:07started with, which is like what am I
68. 2:09essentially? What have I always been?
69. 2:11What has not changed about me?
70. 2:14You'll notice that there's a quieting,
71. 2:15that there isn't that war.
72. 2:18And in a war with yourself, you always
73. 2:19lose, which is such an apropos thing to
74. 2:22think about in this moment because if
75. 2:24you're being yourself, the war starts to
76. 2:27diminish.
77. 2:28The war starts to evaporate.
78. 2:31And there's just this natural alignment
79. 2:33that comes. And so you can see how it
80. 2:36would transform your life. Just living
81. 2:37in alignment just would be a lot more
82. 2:39pleasurable. But there are really clear
83. 2:41distinct ways in which it changes your
84. 2:43life. So let's get into them.
85. 2:45If you act like yourself, then you
86. 2:48create a world that supports you for who
87. 2:50you are.
88. 2:51Right? So if I am acting differently
89. 2:55than who I am, if I'm not being myself,
90. 2:57then the people who like me aren't
91. 2:59liking me. They're liking the way I'm
92. 3:02pretending to be.
93. 3:03The job that I have isn't the job for
94. 3:05me. It's the job that is for the person
95. 3:08I'm pretending to be. It's meant for
96. 3:10some idea that I am trying to portray
97. 3:12that I am.
98. 3:14And so that really doesn't work. That
99. 3:15just creates a
100. 3:17a chaff in life, like a a friction in
101. 3:19all of life because you're going into a
102. 3:20job where you're supposed to be
103. 3:23something that you're not
104. 3:24to be able to be successful in or
105. 3:26marriage where you have to show up and
106. 3:28pretend you're something that you're
107. 3:30not. So once you start being yourself,
108. 3:32you know, some people are going to be
109. 3:34pissed off like without a doubt. And
110. 3:36some of them are going to leave. Some of
111. 3:37them are going to transform with you.
112. 3:39Some of them are going to say, "Oh, wow.
113. 3:41I like this you better." So let me tell
114. 3:43you a story about that. There is a woman
115. 3:44who joined the connection course. And
116. 3:47she was in a place where she was not
117. 3:49sure if she wanted to be in her job or
118. 3:51not.
119. 3:52And one of the things we teach in the
120. 3:53connection course is vulnerability. And
121. 3:55vulnerability is that you say your truth
122. 3:58even if it's a little bit scary. But you
123. 4:01don't have to do big scary truths, but
124. 4:02just like a little bit scary vulnerable.
125. 4:05And so she made the decision to go into
126. 4:07her job and speak her truth.
127. 4:11And this is something that I've seen a
128. 4:12lot of folks do,
129. 4:13which is just be yourself in a job that
130. 4:15you're not sure you want to stay at and
131. 4:16see what happens.
132. 4:18And so she just started speaking her
133. 4:21truth, being a little vulnerable,
134. 4:23saying what was real for her over and
135. 4:25over and over again.
136. 4:26And lo and behold, the job transformed.
137. 4:29Now, she could have gotten fired or she
138. 4:31could have quit. It could have not been
139. 4:32right and that happens sometimes.
140. 4:34But what happens more of the time, I'd
141. 4:36say about 80% of the time,
142. 4:38is what happened to her, which is as she
143. 4:40starts being herself, the job starts
144. 4:42aligning to support who she is.
145. 4:46So the second huge benefit of being
146. 4:48yourself is that the more that you are
147. 4:50yourself, the more you learn about
148. 4:52yourself. So just like painting or
149. 4:55playing music or learning a business,
150. 4:58the more you do it, the better you are
151. 5:00at it, the better you get at it because
152. 5:02you have lessons of doing it. But if
153. 5:04you're constantly focused on, "Oh,
154. 5:07how do I want to be? What is my truth at
155. 5:09this moment? What's the thing that I'm
156. 5:11called to do and I'm going to follow
157. 5:12that?" You start to learn certain
158. 5:14things. You learn things like when I
159. 5:16offend people, if I do it with an open
160. 5:18heart without any defense,
161. 5:20then it's very different than if I
162. 5:22offend people and I am defending myself.
163. 5:26You learn that, "Hey, if I'm being
164. 5:27myself, there's actually nothing to
165. 5:29defend. All the things that I have been
166. 5:31defending is people not liking me, but
167. 5:33if I like myself,
168. 5:35it doesn't really matter as much if
169. 5:38other people like me." I'll give you a
170. 5:39great story about this. I was talking to
171. 5:41a political figure recently and he used
172. 5:43to be a successful businessman and now
173. 5:45he is uh in a role in in politics. He
174. 5:48was saying how he had made a lot of
175. 5:51unpopular decisions in his life.
176. 5:53And
177. 5:54he never had a problem with people being
178. 5:56upset with him. He would lose investors
179. 5:57or he'd lose employees, but he made
180. 6:00decisions that felt
181. 6:01deeply aligned with what he knew to be
182. 6:04true, who he was. But now that he's in
183. 6:07politics, there's a whole bunch of
184. 6:09forces at play where he can't say
185. 6:10certain things that are his truth
186. 6:13because the headline's going to turn one
187. 6:15way or another or because
188. 6:17the president's going to be mad at him
189. 6:18or another politician's going to be mad
190. 6:21at him. So he can't make his agenda
191. 6:22happen if he does exactly everything
192. 6:25that he wants.
193. 6:26And so he has this choice to make about
194. 6:29how he wants to be in this world, but
195. 6:31what he's noticing is the more that he's
196. 6:33not doing the thing that is him, the
197. 6:37more that he is not being himself, the
198. 6:38more he cares what other people think.
199. 6:40This is something that I see all the
200. 6:42time. When people are feeling like
201. 6:44they're doing something that's deeply
202. 6:46true for them, what other people think
203. 6:48matters a lot less. But when they're
204. 6:50doing stuff to please other people, what
205. 6:53they other people think really really
206. 6:54matters
207. 6:55because they're not accomplishing their
208. 6:57goal and because they don't have
209. 6:58themselves to say, "Oh, I feel good
210. 7:00about what I'm doing." So if you don't
211. 7:02feel good about what you're doing and
212. 7:03then other people don't feel good about
213. 7:05what you're doing, then it really
214. 7:06doesn't feel good.
215. 7:08And so these are the things that you're
216. 7:10learning as you learn to be yourself.
217. 7:12You learn, "Oh, what people say and
218. 7:15think about me matters less to me. That
219. 7:18oh, as I do certain things, as I do my
220. 7:21business, I know that acting like this
221. 7:24way is deeply aligned with who I am. And
222. 7:28in that alignment, there's a lot less
223. 7:29friction and therefore I'm a lot more
224. 7:31productive.
225. 7:32So just learning to be yourself, to be
226. 7:34with yourself, how you operate allows
227. 7:37for this a deep alignment in your life.
228. 7:38It allows you to be more productive. It
229. 7:40allows a lot less friction.
230. 7:42And so, just getting to know yourself by
231. 7:45being yourself is in itself just a
232. 7:47wonderful benefit. So, that leads us
233. 7:49into the third thing that is a huge
234. 7:51benefit to being yourself. And that is
235. 7:53that you have less of a war inside of
236. 7:56yourself, right? So, the more that
237. 7:58you're acting in alignment with who you
238. 8:00are, the less war that you have. And
239. 8:01when you have less of a war with
240. 8:03yourself, what occurs is that other
241. 8:04people want to hang out with you.
242. 8:06Right? So, we all like people who are
243. 8:09self-possessed. We all like people who
244. 8:11feel like they are deeply aligned, like
245. 8:14they know what they're doing, that
246. 8:15they're not beating themselves up,
247. 8:16they're not constantly questioning
248. 8:18themselves, they're not constantly
249. 8:19questioning you. They know what they
250. 8:21want, they're going out, they're getting
251. 8:22it in the world. Those are the leaders
252. 8:24that we want to follow, those are the
253. 8:26people that we want to hang out with,
254. 8:27and those are the people who feel good
255. 8:28to be around. And so, this natural thing
256. 8:31happens when you are starting to be
257. 8:33yourself and you're starting to feel
258. 8:35deeply self-possessed, all of a sudden
259. 8:37you'll notice that there's just a ton of
260. 8:39people who want to hang out with you,
261. 8:42who want to be a part of whatever it is
262. 8:43that you're doing. And that's of great
263. 8:45benefit.
264. 8:46But what's even cooler is that the
265. 8:48people who do this are the people who
266. 8:50are actually aligned with who you are.
267. 8:52It's not other folks. And actually,
268. 8:54that's not entirely true cuz sometimes
269. 8:56you're so successful because of who you
270. 8:59are and being yourself that some people
271. 9:02want to be around you just because they
272. 9:04want to
273. 9:06get some of that success. But in
274. 9:07general, most of the people who who show
275. 9:09up in your life are people who are
276. 9:11deeply aligned. A great example of this
277. 9:13is the way that we work in AOA. So,
278. 9:14right now in Art of Accomplishment, we
279. 9:16have 20-something people who work with
280. 9:18us. And one of the things that I notice
281. 9:20is everybody's really excited to work
282. 9:21here. We're
283. 9:23like I say to folks if they're getting
284. 9:25hired, like, "Hey, if you aren't excited
285. 9:27to be here, let's not have you stay
286. 9:30because there's somebody who'd be super
287. 9:31excited to be here. And if I don't feel
288. 9:34like I'm excited to have you, I'm going
289. 9:35to say something because I I don't want
290. 9:38a life where I don't feel excited to
291. 9:40have the people around me. And so what
292. 9:41happens is we're all learning how to be
293. 9:44ourselves together.
294. 9:46And in that, we're finding a
295. 9:48relationship where we're all excited to
296. 9:50be here. We're all doing this work
297. 9:51together and excited about it. And that
298. 9:53can only happen when we're really
299. 9:55focused on, oh hey, are we being
300. 9:57ourselves? Are we being the people that
301. 9:59we want to be? Is this environment
302. 10:01supportive of being who we want to be?
303. 10:05And if it isn't, it's not a good match
304. 10:07and people go away. But what's you're
305. 10:09left with is this environment
306. 10:11full of like love and support. Which
307. 10:14leads us to the fourth thing.
308. 10:15And this is the by far the coolest
309. 10:17thing.
310. 10:19Is that so many people want love. Like
311. 10:21we're
312. 10:22born to want love, right? Like we're
313. 10:24little kids, we want love.
314. 10:26We're getting married, we're dating, we
315. 10:29want love. We have friends, we want
316. 10:31love. We want love. It's a It's as human
317. 10:34as wanting to have sex or wanting to eat
318. 10:37or wanting to breathe, we want love.
319. 10:40And if we're not being ourselves, we
320. 10:42can't get the love. That means somebody
321. 10:45else is getting loved, not us.
322. 10:48And the coolest thing is to really feel
323. 10:50what it is to be loved. Not
324. 10:52for who you think you should be or what
325. 10:54you think you want to be or what you
326. 10:56think other people want you to be, but
327. 10:57for who you actually are.
328. 11:00And there's a sweetness to this that
329. 11:01doesn't come from, oh I'm faking it and
330. 11:05you like me. I'm faking it and you love
331. 11:07me.
332. 11:08And that's never quite satisfying. It's
333. 11:10why so many people are out there like
334. 11:12hungry ghosts trying to get love. And
335. 11:14when they get it, it never it never
336. 11:16feeds them.
337. 11:18Because they're not being themselves.
338. 11:20And to And to have that moment of like,
339. 11:23oh I am deeply, truly myself.
340. 11:25I'm not at war with myself. I'm not in
341. 11:28friction with myself. I'm not
342. 11:30constricted with half of my actions and
343. 11:32somebody's loving me just for that, not
344. 11:34for what I'm doing,
345. 11:36not for what I provide, but just for
346. 11:38being myself.
347. 11:40That by far is the most transformational
348. 11:43thing.