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Be Ruthless About the Life You Want - Alex Hormozi (4K) — Transcript

by Chris Williamson · 36,953 words · 4,974 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00today we're going to go through as many
0:01of your lessons as we can in about three
0:03hours and we're going to see what we can
0:05get through first one a friendly
0:07reminder that in three generations
0:10everyone who knew us will be dead
0:11including the people whose opinions
0:13stopped you from doing what you wanted
0:14all along imagine that someone you know
0:17achieves every dream and hits every goal
0:19they have years later they get old and
0:20die two years after that how much do you
0:23care about as much as everyone else will
0:25if you accomplish your goals and dreams
0:28do it for you
0:32so I think about death all the time
0:35because it's it's probably the central
0:36theme it's probably the thing that I
0:37think the most about and I think that
0:39influences how I see time and also how I
0:41think how how it influences agency like
0:44what actions I'm willing to take despite
0:46the Judgment of others and so a lot of
0:48times and it might be because I have
0:50more insecurity than everyone that I
0:52think like man I want to do this thing
0:54and then I hear all these other voices
0:55of reasons why I shouldn't do it or why
0:57somebody else will say like that's bad
0:59or you'll bad or like that's wrong
1:01whatever and so I think I've had to come
1:03up with a lot of these devices to get
1:04around my own insecurities to take
1:06action despite those insecurities and
1:08the biggest one that I think about is
1:09that it doesn't matter whether I achieve
1:12all of my goals or I don't achieve all
1:13of the goals in three generations I'll
1:16be forgotten and the only people who
1:17were naying against me will also be dead
1:21and so then it's
1:22like just do it for me and
1:25then when I wake up every
1:28day there's only one voice I have to
1:30listen
1:32to but that means that you need to be
1:34able to work out what to do from first
1:37principles you now no longer have
1:39societal Norms or assistants or Role
1:42Models or archetypes or expectations and
1:44that's also difficult in a different
1:49way I think that the more you Flex
1:51whatever that muscle is of like
1:52independent thinking the more it becomes
1:54the default way that you think and then
1:57everyone else's actions just start
1:58looking more and more insane to you
2:01what like what's an example of that that
2:02you can think of I mean shoot just the
2:05most basic ones of like living the life
2:07that you don't want not wearing what you
2:09want to wear not dating who you want to
2:10date um not living where you want to
2:13live like you're living at home and you
2:14want to move and your parents say no and
2:16you don't make the move or you're dating
2:18a girl because she's socially accepted
2:21you know by your friend group she's safe
2:23but like there's always some distance in
2:25between you but you're like I don't want
2:27to risk it right or like you're in the
2:29the job and every day you go there and
2:31you're like I mean it's okay and the
2:33idea of just living an okay life just
2:34sounds so terrifying to me that the
2:38freedom to fail over and over again is
2:40still more fulfilling to me at least it
2:42feels like it's
2:43real than walking through kind of on
2:47autopilot and so I think that's a lot of
2:48the choices that other people make that
2:50seem insane to me now but didn't didn't
2:53seem insane to me a decade ago you know
2:54I mean I think it's just like as you
2:56practice taking more agency taking more
2:58responsibility for the decisions then
3:00you just get better and better at it and
3:01then it just seems more and more
3:02ridiculous you're like they're like I
3:03just can't quit my job and you're like
3:05why like no physically why like why
3:07can't you quit your job like like you
3:10know what I mean they start
3:11hyperventilating it's like you could
3:13could you move in with your parents
3:14could you move in with a friend could
3:15you split rent I mean I could but I mean
3:18other people who are going to die in a
3:20hundred years would think what and one
3:23of my favorite ones is um and I say this
3:26all the time to Lela like whenever we're
3:27getting to some sort of like mini
3:29complaint it's like you know if you zoom
3:31out far enough you can't see the Earth
3:33so we're talking about like oh man
3:35they're going to mess up this order on
3:36this vendors I like you know if you zoom
3:38out far enough you can't see the Earth
3:40it just like it just puts everything
3:41immediately into perspective of how
3:43ridiculous some of the things that we're
3:44concerned about are Sean puri's got this
3:47thing where he says don't follow what
3:49most people do because you don't want
3:51the results that most people get the
3:52average person is obese likely to be
3:54divorced and has less than 1K in the
3:56bank it feels safe to do what everyone
3:57else is doing but it's actually a
3:59terrible decision
4:01it's like the best way to guarantee to
4:02not have the life that you want is to do
4:04what everyone else is
4:05doing unless you want what everyone else
4:08has with no one which no one
4:10does yeah it's um being able to think
4:15for yourself and and treating it like a
4:16muscle I think is a smart way to
4:18consider it because in the beginning
4:20it's really really hard you've been
4:21resting on societal norms and the way
4:24you've dealt with past trauma and your
4:25parents expectations and what all of
4:27your friends do and what's accepted and
4:29all of this this stuff for so
4:31long that when it first comes to you
4:33needing to step on that muscle it's like
4:36trying to move your ears like all humans
4:37have got muscles that can move their
4:39ears but because no one works it as a
4:41child they just atrophy away uh and this
4:44is the ear muscle of personal
4:51growth I think I had a lot of practice
4:54with it because I had a so like a lot of
4:56people have many voices that they hear
4:58that they feel are judging them right
4:59they have their friends they have their
5:00uncle they have their siblings they have
5:02their cousins co-workers whatever I
5:04think I had just one voice that I heard
5:07really loudly and I was was I was
5:09talking to one of our one of our
5:10employees the other day and I was trying
5:11to put it in perspective younger guy and
5:13I was
5:14like I imagine how much you care about
5:17your mother's opinion and your father's
5:19opinion and your s and all of those
5:21other people I was like and now imagine
5:22that there's literally only one because
5:24I had no siblings I basically had no
5:26mother I had just a father and so like
5:30his approval was literally everything
5:33and he disapproved of the path that I
5:35wanted to take in my life and so I think
5:37a lot of these mental faculties or these
5:39little Frameworks or these isms just
5:41came from like how can I combat this
5:44incredibly booming voice in the
5:46background because like when I look at
5:47what I was doing at the time like I was
5:49a consultant I you know I graduated in
5:50three years I took the consulting job I
5:52did all the things but the craziest
5:53thing was that the moment that my father
5:54was most proud of me and he approved of
5:57my life the most was when I was the
5:59saddest
6:00and so that's when I was like maybe his
6:02approval isn't the right way to feel
6:05good about life and so that that started
6:08basically the six-month journey of from
6:09when I decided that I wanted to change
6:12my life till when I changed it and I
6:14think that like as you become more able
6:16or more potent or higher agency that
6:19timeline between when you decide you
6:20want to do something and when you
6:22actually do it just continues to
6:23compress right like now if I want to
6:25change something I'm like let's change
6:26it like done I like I we walk out of a
6:28thing I like we're never going to do
6:29that podcast again or I don't want to
6:30talk to this person again or whatever it
6:31is right whereas before it's like okay I
6:34have to I have to sleep on it I have to
6:35really think about it and like how am I
6:36going to it's like why do I care about
6:38how I'm going to say it this is what it
6:39is done and it's just like that timeline
6:41is compressed but the hardest one for me
6:43like the first one was by far the
6:44hardest and everyone since then the nice
6:46thing is that no matter how difficult
6:47your circumstance is if you have like
6:49the bigger the wall that you have to get
6:51through is as soon as you get past that
6:53one big wall you then can use that wall
6:56as the evidence for why you can jump
6:57over the next wall because that will be
6:59the biggest one and so like after I did
7:01quit my job and left my house and and
7:03left Baltimore and didn't tell my dad
7:05until I was across the country cuz I was
7:06so afraid like people think of me is
7:07like some big Alpha whatever do I was
7:08like I was such I was so afraid of my
7:11father's disapproval that I didn't tell
7:13him until I physically left the state
7:16like like I'm not like think about that
7:18like I wasn't even just one state over I
7:19was like five states over and then I was
7:21like hey by the way I'm going to
7:23California and he was like well let's
7:24come over we'll talk about it and I was
7:25like I'm in
7:27Ohio already then obviously he had a
7:30different reaction right but like but
7:33then after that it was like what do I
7:34have to do now it's like oh I got to I
7:36got to sell strangers and I was like I
7:38told my dad I didn't want to do what he
7:40wanted how hard could this be and so
7:42like it it then becomes this one huge
7:44proof point so the bigger that the
7:46dragon is that you have to slay the more
7:47evidence you have that you can slay the
7:49next dragon and I think that is if
7:50there's ever been a good point for why
7:52getting over the one first hard one is
7:55so hard is that it will then give you
7:57the reinforcement that you can do
7:58whatever you need to do next yeah the
8:00life you want is on the other side of a
8:02few hard conversations and you're living
8:04a life you hate because you're too
8:05afraid to have
8:08them I think about that a lot because
8:11like whenever I feel anxious or insecure
8:14or angry or sad I'm like what
8:17conversation do I need to have that I'm
8:19not having and so then and usually if I
8:22just think for not that long I'm like
8:25this is the conversation I've been
8:26putting off and then you know I'm not
8:28the the the the poster child of mental
8:30health and so um I'll just call myself a
8:33pansy for not having the conversation
8:36and then and then I just have it and so
8:38again I think it's like I need to have
8:39this conversation and the time between
8:41when I have it versus or when I when I
8:43know I need to have it when I actually
8:44have it just because continues to
8:46compress and if you've ever had like a a
8:47breakup or employee firing one of the or
8:50quitting if you're an employee like
8:51these things that you dread I don't know
8:53if you notice it but like the day you do
8:55it the moment after you do it I'm like
8:57how many other conversations can I have
8:58like I want to be like I'm like else
9:00talk yeah totally serial killer for
9:03awkward conversations when I so like the
9:06next series of hard conversations that I
9:07had after I I left home was actually
9:09like years later so I had I had multiple
9:13partners in I said I had a I had a
9:15partner in one of my gyms I had a
9:17partner in four other gyms I had uh a
9:21partner in a Cairo and dental marketing
9:24agency and all of them relied on me to
9:26make money and so all of their
9:29livelihoods were still dependent on me
9:31but I was splitting everything and it
9:32was just it was it was horrible for me
9:34at the time and so I remember when I I
9:36ended up getting in a DUI and you know I
9:39talked to a a performance coach or
9:41whatever and he was like your stress and
9:43these conversations could literally kill
9:45you he's like they almost did so I I got
9:47in head on collision at 60 mil hour and
9:49I walked away no injuries um but it was
9:52like my wakeup call but not to stop
9:54drinking it was my wakeup call that I
9:55needed to have these conversations and
9:57that's what I was avoiding when I was
9:58drinking it wasn't alcohol is what were
10:00the things that I'm avoiding that I'm
10:01using alcohol to get away from and so um
10:05the next day I had the first
10:07conversation with the first partner and
10:09it was horrible but the moment I was
10:12done I was like I got to call the other
10:13guy and I called the other one I was
10:14like this is how it is and the thing is
10:16is I had this back stop of my death of
10:19like you almost just died because you
10:21wouldn't have this conversation and so
10:23then it just gave me this courage to
10:24just be like like and whatever the
10:26reaction was I was like I'd Rather Be
10:27Alive like that was it it and so it's
10:30it's weird though because death has been
10:31this really recurring theme in my life
10:33that like the same thing happened when I
10:35was like the only thing that gave me
10:36enough balls to stand up to my dad to be
10:38fair from a distance from the car when I
10:40was driving halfway across the country
10:41like let's not make my let's not make me
10:43into a too big of a hero here um was the
10:45idea that like I started thinking like
10:47every day I was like I hope I don't wake
10:48up you know what I mean um and that was
10:51the that was that was the thing where I
10:53was like this is a big enough problem
10:54that like if you don't want to wake up
10:57then what have you got to lose
11:00exactly and that was it and it was like
11:03I have nothing to lose and that was when
11:05that was when I think in the last
11:07podcast we talked about this where it's
11:08like if everybody who's like at the
11:11bottom and feels like they have nothing
11:13going for them reframe that as I have
11:17nothing going for me which also means
11:19that I have nothing to lose by taking
11:21action it makes you a much more
11:23dangerous person and I think that was
11:25the flip that I've had repeatedly shown
11:28to me in my life that allowed me to take
11:31the step that I was afraid to take have
11:33I told you about the region beta Paradox
11:34have you seen that one okay so this is
11:36interesting so uh imagine that you had
11:38to go a mile or less and if you did a
11:42mile a mile okay if you had to travel a
11:44mile or less you would walk it and if
11:48you had to go more than a mile you would
11:50drive it okay so paradoxically you would
11:52go two miles quicker than you would go
11:54one mile
11:55uhhuh if you follow that rule the
11:58important Insight here is that if you
12:00only take action when things cross a
12:02certain threshold of Badness mhm
12:04sometimes better things can feel worse
12:06than worse things oh yeah so if you look
12:08around and you see that people are stuck
12:10in region beta this zone of comfortable
12:12complacency right it's the guy that
12:14sticks and his just okay job because his
12:16boss isn't too much of a dick but the
12:18pay isn't that good and he's not really
12:19that passionate but it's all right
12:20whatever whatever the person that stays
12:22in the acceptable relationship they're
12:23not that fired up but they're not really
12:25in love and their partner's not really
12:27got much alignment with their interest
12:29or the person that stays in a crappy
12:31apartment and there's a bit of mold in
12:33the ceiling but it's cheap and it's in a
12:34good area of town or whatever all of
12:36these people would be better off if
12:38their situations were worse because it
12:41would give them the activation energy to
12:42kick them out of the bottom and their
12:44only regret would be not doing it
12:46sooner dude I love
12:49that when I so it's funny because if I
12:52look back on the instances that were the
12:55most painful in my life every single one
12:59of them without fail has created a
13:02disproportionate gain right like the
13:04most painful thing early on was for me
13:06was quitting my job and leaving you know
13:07leaving my dad basically and then that
13:11created the you know my first my first
13:13business and the gyms and all of that
13:15stuff um you know getting into the DUI
13:18the head-on collision um and like that
13:21whole situation got me out of all of
13:23these failed Partnerships that I wasn't
13:24willing to do but in the in the moment I
13:26was like I'm such a failure like I suck
13:28at everything
13:29but that gave me the springboard when I
13:32lost everything the first time after
13:35that um that then gave me like the idea
13:39that I needed to change the business
13:40model around right and that's what
13:42switched me into the licensing model
13:45right and so like each of these time and
13:46then that became you know the the first
13:48forun this is kind of like Alchemy yeah
13:51like turning something which is worse
13:53than useless yeah into something that's
13:55as precious and useful as possible you
13:58know I'm I'm sure you know the terrible
13:59of the you know the man and his son and
14:00he like buys the son a horse and then it
14:02falls he breaks the leg and then they're
14:04like oh it's so sad and then the Army
14:06comes and the son doesn't die and then
14:07it's like oh H great right and so it's
14:09one of those really interesting ones
14:10where like whatever negative situation
14:11and this is probably good for the
14:12audience but like if you think back to
14:14all the negative situations you had like
14:15the really really bad ones when you
14:17expand the time Horizon most times they
14:20become net wins and so then it just
14:23means that like if you're in a really
14:25tough time right now you just got to
14:27wait
14:29and then you get and then you get your
14:30reference point back on all the things
14:32that changed as a result because most
14:34times when is bad it can't get
14:36worse so then you feel like Well it
14:38can't get worse than this and then your
14:40action threshold decreases and you take
14:42and you do all the things you know you
14:42should have done anyways and so it's
14:44like we have this big stack of should do
14:46and we just wait until it's two miles
14:47yep and then you just you're like you
14:49just like the firing conversation and
14:51you're like well I just fired one person
14:52or like I just ended one partnership I
14:54just broke up with one girl or whatever
14:55it is and you're like who else do I need
14:56to talk to today like and then in like a
15:00per like you have these rapid periods of
15:02growth that happen and then you have the
15:04next web of comfort because it's way
15:06better than you were before Y and I
15:08think it's I wonder this this is more
15:09just like an open thought but like I
15:11wonder how
15:12long like more successful people stay in
15:15that next Plateau like I wonder if their
15:17threshold for
15:19Action yeah they Med like oh like I'm
15:22getting com like how quickly they get
15:24comfortable into like I need to change I
15:26need to get
15:27better next one the heaviest things in
15:30life aren't iron and gold but unmade
15:32decisions the reason you are stressed is
15:34that you have decisions to make and
15:36you're not making
15:39them it's a good quote you said it you
15:43said
15:49it I think a lot of times the decisions
15:52that we make are predicated on the on
15:54the conversations we need to have
15:55because usually like the and what's
15:57interesting is like
15:59you can Define commitment by eliminating
16:02Alternatives so if you committed you've
16:04eliminated alternative actions right
16:06like you can say I'm committed but until
16:08you eliminate other options you're not
16:09committed there's always a get out of
16:11jail free and so a lot of people make
16:14decisions to end relationships to quit
16:16their job to start the new thing but
16:18they don't become committed to the
16:20decision until they remove the other
16:22options and then you're forced to take
16:24action on it and so I think actually
16:25defining those two two different things
16:27now you could Define you know decision
16:28is to kill off like diader from Latin
16:31but from a from an from a colloquial
16:34thing I think there are two different
16:35instances it's like I need to change
16:36this and then I do change it
16:40um and the making the decision is when
16:42it becomes a commitment why uh unmade
16:45decisions so
16:46heavy I think at least for me it's
16:49because I have this hamster wheel on the
16:51my back of my mind where I keep playing
16:52out different scenarios and so I keep
16:54thinking like well maybe maybe I need to
16:56change what I'm currently doing maybe
16:57maybe if I just rethought like cuz I'm
16:58I'm a big frame guy so I'm like maybe I
17:00just need to be thinking about this
17:01differ right maybe if I zoom all the way
17:03out the Earth doesn't exist so maybe
17:04this doesn't matter or maybe I'm just
17:05making a problem that doesn't exist
17:06maybe the best action I should take is
17:07nothing right like I you know I reframe
17:09all those things um but usually it's
17:12just because I'm afraid of something and
17:15then that's why I'm not making the
17:16decision and I think once I name and put
17:18a face and it's usually not even a thing
17:19that I'm afraid of it's one person's
17:21judgment I'm afraid of and then when I
17:23name the person then it becomes then it
17:26becomes real instead of being this
17:27amorphous like people societ judgment
17:29it's like Tom like do I really care what
17:32Tom thinks I guess so it seems like I'm
17:34not making this big change in my life
17:36because of Tom looks like Tom's more in
17:37control of my life than I am dude so I
17:41remember this when I was 19 years old I
17:45was super angry like all 19-year-old men
17:47right that's the the standard default
17:48right I was angry at both my parents for
17:51who because I was 19 right and I
17:54remember blaming them for everything
17:56blaming them for my life blaming them
17:57for not being a better person I
17:58literally blame them for being a bad
18:00person and I remember realizing that
18:04when I blamed them that I gave them
18:07control over my life and then the idea
18:10that the people that I hated the most at
18:12the time were the ones who actually were
18:14controlling me was the thing that most
18:16sickened me to then actually flip my
18:18narrative to actually taking control
18:19like that was the one thought process
18:21like my mother I'm giving her control
18:24over my romantic Rel like my mother
18:26controls this that I was like No
18:30And so like just the idea that somebody
18:32who I I was disgusted by at the time um
18:36had that much power is what gave me the
18:38power to start taking action so this
18:40hamster wheel thing that continues to
18:42distract you I've got this concept
18:43called anxiety cost so kind of like
18:46opportunity cost um when you have an
18:49unmade decision every single second that
18:53you spend thinking about the unmade
18:55decision could have been gotten back had
18:58you just made the decision oh yeah and
19:02realizing that it's it's a justification
19:04for eating frogs earlier in the day I
19:07need to answer that email the longer
19:09that you wait until you answer that
19:10email the more times you will think the
19:12thought I need to answer that email yeah
19:15and if we assume that what truly truly
19:17matters in life is the time and the
19:20attention that we spend within that time
19:23your time is being captured and your
19:24attention is being captured by a thought
19:26that could have been gotten rid of had
19:27you have just done it had you've just
19:29had the conversation broken up with the
19:30relationship left the job told the
19:32father
19:33whatever done your stretches cleaned
19:35your teeth had a shower whatever it is
19:37that you needed to
19:39do all of that anxiety cost could have
19:42been gotten rid of had you just gone and
19:44done
19:46it you can move through life at seven
19:49times the rate of other people by simply
19:53changing when you say you're going to
19:54make a decision from end of week to end
19:55of day so think about how that Stacks up
19:58so it's like let's say that there were
20:00four decisions that you needed to make
20:01if the normal person takes a week to
20:03make the decision and then their mind
20:05moves on to the next thing that they
20:06have anxiety for and start making that
20:08decision and decide another week decide
20:10another week decide another week it's a
20:11month to make those four decisions
20:13whereas the the super the Superman that
20:16takes one decision day one one second
20:18decision day two third decision day
20:20three fourth decision day four they
20:22aren't even finish the week yet and
20:23they're where the other person is at the
20:24end of the month and like that speed of
20:27decision- making like not paying the
20:29attention cost the opportunity cost of
20:31your
20:32time I think it's really profound in
20:35terms of how quickly people move through
20:37life in terms of achieving the goals
20:39that they set out because people are
20:40like how did that how is that guy so
20:41young and he's achieved X Y and Z it's
20:43like well what takes you a month to make
20:45a decision we make it an hour and then
20:47the next hour I make another decision
20:49that takes you your next month and so
20:50like that's how you can go 30 times or
20:52hundred times faster than than the quote
20:55average person who's overweight has ,000
20:57in their bank account you know and is
20:59going to die at 70 can you just go back
21:01to before you made that first decision
21:05with your dad because you've mentioned
21:07it you know people might look at your I
21:10would say ruthlessness at least in some
21:11regards with decision- making you know
21:13hiring and firing and making these
21:15business decisions and there's all of
21:16these great stories about and I had this
21:18thing and I realized that partner wasn't
21:19right so I got rid of that business and
21:21you know that's the sort of thing that
21:22would tear most people up for six months
21:2418 months maybe forever yeah and to look
21:28at
21:29that degree of cutthroat or at least um
21:32decisiveness I think is almost
21:35unfathomable for a lot of
21:39people are you a representative Avatar
21:42is pre leaving Baltimore Alex a
21:45representative avatar for the average
21:46person I think so I mean I was high
21:49achieving you know I I mean like I did
21:51well in school I tried hard I did those
21:53things but in terms of my risk tolerance
21:55and my fear of failure and my
21:57insecurities yeah abely absolutely I
21:59mean if anything real talk I'll bet you
22:00that I have more insecurities than most
22:02people because those insecurities are
22:03what drove me to do well in those things
22:05not because I cared about school but
22:07because I cared about what other people
22:08thought about me yeah yeah I um I've
22:12spoken to hundreds hundreds and hundreds
22:15of high
22:16performers on balance people are driven
22:20way more by fear of insufficiency than
22:21they are with some well-balanced perfect
22:24desire to just maximize their greatness
22:26in life like the activation energy for
22:28almost everybody
22:30is I'm scared I might be a piece of
22:34what hang on oh God I might be a piece
22:37of I genuinely might be a piece of
22:38I need to go and do something so
22:41outrageous that I I can't be a piece of
22:44I there's no way that it could
22:45happen I might be a coward oh my God
22:47what what can I do to stop myself from
22:49being a coward that's the activation
22:51energy it's funny because if you regress
22:53fear to its most basic form it's death
22:56and death is the greatest motivator and
22:58like you can prove it in a simple
23:00example it's like if I all of a sudden
23:01go up to anybody on the street and I put
23:03a gun in their head and I say you know
23:04point a gun at their head and I say go
23:06do this thing they'll go do it but if I
23:08say you can have anything you want if
23:12you do this they're willing to go 10
23:14times harder with a gun in their face to
23:17not die and so if you take fear and
23:19aress it all the way down to its basis
23:20form like that's what the insecurity is
23:22like if they they think I won't be
23:23enough and if they don't think I won't
23:24be enough then this won't happen if this
23:25won't happen this won't happen I'll be
23:26alone I'll be dead right like if you
23:28just regress it all the way down like
23:29that's all it is and so like the biggest
23:32Achievers in life I think have have most
23:34directly tied them not doing whatever it
23:37is that they want to do to death whether
23:41they're consciously aware of it or not
23:42and then that's what motivates them
23:43harder well get back to talking to Alex
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24:43slod wisdom you're not afraid of failing
24:46you're afraid of what other people will
24:48think of you if you fail but if you're
24:50afraid of that imagine what they think
24:52of you when you aren't even trying oh
24:55yeah they aren't
24:58I'm such a dick sometimes um does it is
25:01it is it strange to hear your like Angry
25:04toilet tweets read back to you now in
25:08the cold harsh light of
25:10day God that was a particularly
25:13difficult poo I was cracking out
25:15that you know real talk the the tweets
25:18that I have people don't know this but
25:19the tweets are notes to self y so
25:21they're just directed at me so that I
25:23can look back on them and like be
25:24reminders of like hey don't don't do
25:26that and so like I think to myself man
25:28I'm afraid afraid of doing this and I'm
25:29like no I'm not I'm afraid of what this
25:31person's going to think about me because
25:32if I were to be able to fail in quiet
25:35and complete isolation then I wouldn't
25:37care and then I think well what if I
25:41what if I what if I don't succeed in
25:43public what do they think then nothing
25:46right they don't think about me at all
25:48and so obviously that comes from the
25:50perspective of uh seeking to gain
25:52approval and attention from others
25:53anyway so it's like listen if you're
25:54insecure which everybody is let's be
25:56real um you might as well use the
25:58insecurity to get something out of it
26:00right like one of my one of my favorite
26:01things about entrepreneurship is like
26:02use what you've got and so a lot of
26:04people think that they need to fix their
26:05conditions in order to get like the
26:06perfect conditions before they start but
26:08the perfect condition is whatever one
26:10you're in because it gives you whatever
26:11assets you have that's the cards that
26:13you're dealt and so you just play the
26:14hand and a lot of people have great
26:16cards it's like man I'm so afraid of
26:18it's like use it it's like I have
26:20nothing what makes you very dangerous
26:21because you have nothing to lose right
26:22like one of the um really interesting
26:24things about I think about from a
26:26business perspective but it probably
26:27applies to everything is that there's
26:28always an advantage and a disadvantage
26:30from every position right so like I
26:31remember when I mean gym launch is still
26:33a big company and still continues to
26:34grow but in the gym licensing space
26:36there's not many people who can compete
26:37with us there right and I would talk to
26:40guys who are in the space you know I
26:41would talk you know talk at a conference
26:42whatever and you know younger guys would
26:45be like well I want to I want to be in
26:46this space too and it's not fair because
26:48you know you have this big advantage and
26:50I was like you have a way bigger
26:52advantage that I do I was like cuz if I
26:53were in your position I would go to
26:54every single gym owner and be like you
26:56don't want to be with gym launch you
26:57don't want to be with Alex you're just a
26:58number to him like you're never going to
26:59talk to him like you're just a cog in
27:01the wheel there with me you're going to
27:02get my personalized attention there is
27:04just some employee down the chain that's
27:06following some process right I was like
27:07but on the flip side if I'm talking to
27:09that same gym owner then I'm going to
27:10say you don't want to talk to Jimmy he
27:11lives in his mom basement he has no
27:13proof that he's good at what he's but
27:14he's that the reason that we're number
27:15one in the space is because we've done
27:16it so many times and we have a system
27:18that we know that if you go on this side
27:19you will get this result on the outside
27:21I was like there's always a position and
27:22there's always an advantage I was like
27:23you just have to play the one you've got
27:24and most people just look at what
27:25everyone else's advantages and don't
27:27think which one do I have
27:29when you're talking about it's not you
27:31that's afraid of failing yeah you're
27:33afraid of other people's opinions about
27:34why you're going to fail like the reason
27:37I think that cynicism is so popular on
27:39the Internet is that the upside of never
27:42trying is never having to feel the pain
27:45of failure yeah that's fundamental it's
27:48sour grapes at an existential level
27:51right it is a cynicism safety blanket it
27:54is protecting you from ever having to
27:56feel the downside of anything I will
27:59assure my own failure in private so that
28:02I never have to face my failure in
28:06public it's kind of like investing like
28:10everyone's afraid of losing money when
28:11they invest but the only guaranteed
28:13investment that doesn't work is never
28:14investing to begin with and so it's like
28:16they take the long failure rather than
28:19the short one right I mean it's what it
28:21is right you just fail
28:23long and they're like I'd prefer that um
28:26that's I mean that's yeah I
28:30it's it's like you and I are going back
28:31and forth on trying to figure out how
28:33many different ways can I say that
28:36either the people that you're worried
28:38about judgment are going to die or that
28:40you're going to die or that even if you
28:42do achieve the thing they won't care
28:43anyways or if you don't do anything they
28:45won't think about you to begin with and
28:47don't you want to be thought about to
28:48begin with like don't you want some
28:49level of
28:55significance I just
28:59you're going to die and I think like I
29:01was I was very grateful so one of my
29:04biggest Inspirations or whatever you
29:05know influences when I was in Baltimore
29:09was I would have lunch with my
29:10grandfather three times a week so he was
29:1290 old guy so I would go to the nursing
29:15home and we'd have lunch three days a
29:17week and listening to him talk about the
29:21regrets that you had in life it's so
29:23much more painful to watch someone who
29:27has no options left like he's going to
29:29die and he's die tomorrow and he died a
29:31couple years later I mean like and he he
29:32lost all his mental faculties you know
29:35almost sadly basically when I stop when
29:36I left Baltimore one of the sad parts is
29:39I was one of the only people that kind
29:40of like kept him Lucid you know what I
29:43mean and after that no one really no one
29:45really visited him no one really did
29:46anything and so I think he he just
29:49rolled downhill I think the lunches
29:50might have been the only thing that he
29:51looked forward to and um seeing someone
29:54old with no options and nothing but
29:57regret
29:58now not that he had everything to gret
30:00he had things that he did really well
30:01and I took those things from him
30:05um he would he would repeat the same
30:07lessons you like every lunch the were a
30:09lot of older people kind of repeat a few
30:11key lessons and everything that he had
30:13he flew during he fled during the um
30:15during the world World War II uh you
30:17know he fled from the Germans and all
30:19that stuff because he had a a Jewish
30:20sounding last name um he wasn't but he
30:22it was enough that he was fleeing right
30:24um and he always used to say he's like
30:27you have two hands and one brain I was
30:28like use them that was always this thing
30:30that he said to me and um I think just
30:33like when when I would think about the
30:35things that he was going up against
30:36compared to the things that we're going
30:37up against now it just made me feel like
30:40all right like this is not as big of a
30:42deal as I really think it is I don't
30:43have Germans at the at my door you know
30:46what were the regrets that he had him
30:49yeah you would have spent I mean again
30:52there's deathbed regrets and then
30:53there's real life regrets but there's
30:54there's things that he would have done
30:55differently in terms of the business
30:56there's things he would have done
30:57differently with his wife he had he got
30:58divorced um that you know uh he would
31:01have done things very differently with
31:02his kids so my mother um and her sisters
31:05um which actually talking to him about
31:08how he raised my
31:10mother helped me in some way forgive her
31:13for some of the things that I felt were
31:15wrongdoings that she had done to me and
31:19so it's funny because you know one of my
31:22favorite quotes from Bla Pascal is to
31:24understand is to forgive and like when
31:26you when you I think there's another
31:28saying that I like a lot which is it's
31:30really hard to hate
31:31closeup it's like if you really see
31:33someone and you see all the things that
31:34they went through and the things that
31:35they that happened to them to become who
31:37they are then you understand them and
31:39then you understand why they did X Y and
31:40Z because if we don't understand we
31:42assume that it's because they're just
31:43evil people and most people aren't that
31:44way they're this way because they've
31:45been reinforced or punished for doing
31:47something like that in the past and
31:48especially for her she was reinforced
31:50for acting a certain way over and over
31:51and over again to the point that it was
31:52it was core to her character and so when
31:55that got put on me I was like I hate you
31:57you're terrible you're like blah but
31:59like when I looked at it on much longer
32:00time Ron of like she was 4 years old
32:02when she came here she couldn't speak
32:03English she got beat up as a kid like
32:05all these things I'm like you know what
32:08maybe give her a little Grace you know
32:09and I remember when when I came back and
32:11it was right around that same time where
32:12I realized I was giving this person all
32:13this power she yelled at me for
32:15something when I came back home from
32:16college my freshman year and it was a
32:18standard fight you know like here's the
32:19button that I press to get into the
32:20normal fight that we get into um I just
32:22remember she hit the button and I just
32:23like wasn't that upset and I it's like I
32:26felt nothing she like hit the button she
32:27like it again harder and I was like and
32:29I just remember looking at her and be
32:30like I get it I'm sorry like you had a
32:34tough tough life and then she just broke
32:37down and you know started crying because
32:39it was like she felt understood and I
32:41think um I know that was round about way
32:44of getting back to regrets but he
32:46regretted how he had raised her but his
32:49through his regrets I got to see why she
32:52was the way she was and then it diffused
32:54the bomb that was between me and her did
32:57that tell you that story Douglas Murray
32:58told me about regrets from Christopher
33:00Hitchin brilliant
33:03so Christopher Hitchins one of the new
33:06atheists uh was sat in some British pub
33:10with Douglas Murray when Douglas is
33:11Young and you know you can imagine it's
33:13some musty Chesterfield sofa he's
33:17probably got a cigarette in his mouth
33:18and a glass of scotch or something and
33:21uh Douglas is vacillating between these
33:23two different choices that he needs to
33:25make and he is um complaining lamenting
33:30the fact that I have this thing but I
33:32have this thing and if I do this thing I
33:33can't do this thing and and what what do
33:35I do and apparently hitch like sat back
33:41and Douglas in life we must choose our
33:47regrets and I was like so
33:52I'm three Manhattans deep in Douglas
33:56Murray's apartment in Manhattan
33:58at 2 in the morning and he sneaks off to
33:59the toilet and I quickly write this down
34:01cuz I know that my like half cut alcohol
34:03brain isn't going to remember it so note
34:05it down that was all the trigger that I
34:07needed which is also a good argument for
34:09noting things down and I reflected I
34:11must reflected on that for a year I must
34:13thought about it for a year in life we
34:15must choose our regrets what the
34:16does that mean okay first off in an
34:20existence where opportunity cost is
34:22baked in because you don't get to split
34:23test life and by doing a thing you can't
34:25do a different thing I have the choice
34:27between going to the gym and going to
34:28the theme park if I go to the gym death
34:30or I can't go to the theme park even if
34:32the decision of going to the gym was the
34:34right call I will always have the open
34:36loop of yeah but what if I'd gone to the
34:38theme park you can't ever know right
34:41okay so that means that
34:43fundamentally regrets are baked in to
34:46our existence and I'd always thought
34:48that the reason I had a regret was due
34:51to some suboptimal decision I'd made if
34:54only I'd made this decision better I
34:56could have ameliorated the regret okay
34:58so regrets are an unavoidable part of
35:01being a human and they're a byproduct of
35:04opportunity cost which you can't get
35:05away from but what does it mean that you
35:07have to choose your regrets okay well if
35:11regrets are inevitable if they're going
35:13to happen no matter what an easy way to
35:16look at the decision is rather than
35:19which do I want to do which regret could
35:21I live with mhm because there are
35:24certain regrets that you can't bear
35:26living with now you can bear living with
35:28them but they're going to be worse than
35:29other ones yeah so what is the
35:31difference between I need to have a
35:32difficult decision I need to have a
35:34difficult conversation with my boss
35:35about leaving to go and do this thing or
35:38I need to that's the regret that's one
35:40regret of the sitting down and seeing
35:41them face to face and telling them
35:43you're going to leave that small mom and
35:44pop business and you're the main salesp
35:46person and it's going to be terrible and
35:47they're going to cry and you're going to
35:48feel like a piece of that's one
35:50regret another regret is looking back at
35:53a decade that you waste in a job that
35:55you hate yeah so in life you
35:57have to to choose your regrets I love
35:59that as a decision-making frame because
36:01it also jump starts our fear engine
36:06because rather than saying like what do
36:08I want it's what do I what do I hate
36:10least and so we get to run it so then
36:14you get to use your run away from engine
36:15rather than you go towards to Mouse and
36:17the cheese again yeah and was it you was
36:20telling me that uh with a cat yeah I
36:22mean y so I'm just going to butcher what
36:26you told me um why don't you ass sh that
36:28like how much yeah yeah this was on our
36:30last episode so this is sequel for the
36:32people that were listening um John
36:34Peterson talks about the study where
36:35they starve a rat and they put it into a
36:37tube they WAFF the smell of cheese in
36:39from the front and there's a spring
36:41attached to the rat's tail so they can
36:43work out how hard it's pulling how hard
36:45it's pulling is a proxy for desire for
36:47how much it wants it you'd think this
36:48rat is starving it's going to pull as
36:50hard as it can so it wff the smell of
36:52cheese in and it runs towards it and
36:54whatever they do another iteration of
36:55the study this time they W the smell of
36:57cheese in from the front and the smell
36:59of a cat in from behind yeah it pulls
37:01harder yeah why because not only in life
37:04do you want to run towards something you
37:05want but you want to run away from
37:06something that you fear and this ties
37:08into your the three most common traits
37:10of yeah very successful people
37:12superiority complex uh massive crippling
37:15insufficiency and impulse control so
37:18superiority complex I can achieve this
37:21thing that's the
37:22cheese um crippling sense of
37:24insufficiency I fear the cat impulse
37:26control I'm in a CH there's only one
37:28direction I can go I don't need to make
37:29a choice
37:31yep I love this a lot as a frame for for
37:35for decision-making
37:37because that like think about the
37:39decision that we were just talking about
37:40right so it's like I'm I'm the sales guy
37:42and I stay and like if you were to frame
37:46it in upsides it's like upside is I keep
37:48these friends right um and but I want to
37:52leave so that I can start this business
37:54right those are the upsides but when you
37:56think about it in terms of like I waste
37:58a decade of my
38:00life not living the life I want to me I
38:04mean even when I say it it sounds more
38:06motivating even though it's the exact
38:07same thing it's like losing $100 versus
38:09gaining $100 people have three times
38:11higher loss aversion and so it's like if
38:13you can't get yourself to do something
38:15think about it from the perspective of
38:16what you have to lose rather than what
38:17you have to gain you've got a quote that
38:20I love my biggest fear is getting to the
38:22end of my life and thinking I wasn't
38:24good enough what's that mean
38:28and I'll Define good enough is I could
38:29have tried
38:31harder like I want to leave everything
38:33on the field and one of the things that
38:35has helped me a lot I mean in the quote
38:37that went unbelievably viral
38:42um show me to do it again do I need to
38:44do it
38:46again you don't gain confidence by
38:50saying shouting affirmations in the
38:51mirror but by Stack giving yourself a
38:53stack of undeniable proof that you are
38:54who you say you are outwork yourself out
38:57and again a lot of the tweets that I
38:58have are notes to self because like like
39:01I have a you know I have a big
39:02presentation coming up we got 500,000
39:04people who are registered for this book
39:05launch um that are coming out and I'm
39:08thinking to myself it's like how can I
39:09guarantee that when I step off stage no
39:12matter what happens I feel like I've
39:15accomplished that I've done a good job
39:17that I can look at myself in the mirror
39:18and say good work and when I was younger
39:21I used to have no way to do that that's
39:22cuz I measured everything on outcomes
39:24but I feel like because I've gotten a
39:25little bit more experienced I do have
39:27way to win now but it's hard and the way
39:30that I win is when I finish and I say
39:32that there's nothing else I could have
39:34done and so that means that like the
39:36reason that I feel confident about this
39:37book that's coming out is I wrote 19
39:39drafts of the book four full rewrites
39:41end to end to make the book I did six
39:43hours a day my first six hours from 6:
39:45a.m. till noon every day for two years
39:47to get this book to where it is now and
39:49when I was done with the book I was like
39:50there's nothing else I can do to this
39:52like this is it there's nothing else
39:54like I can't make it simpler I can't
39:55make it shorter I can't cut it I can't
39:56add an visual that I should have added
39:59it's done and so to the same degree with
40:00the presentation that I have I gave
40:02myself this framework of like okay well
40:04if I were to speak in front of 10,000
40:05people I would probably spend a good
40:07amount of time prepping the presentation
40:09to make sure it was good I was like why
40:10am I speak in front of
40:12500,000 I was like so I can I can
40:14rationalize spending 50 times the amount
40:16of work and effort and time to make this
40:19thing exceptional because I mean the
40:21numbers are hard to Fathom but that is
40:23the numbers like if I had a 10,000
40:24that's what I would do and so it allowed
40:27me to take a presentation and you know I
40:29have 900 slides that I'm going to get
40:31through in 60 minutes and I have now
40:35every single day I do a full draft of
40:38the you know I I i' say the say the
40:40presentation in my head and then I do a
40:41second run where I say out loud and I
40:43record it and then after I record it I
40:46play the recording with the slides up
40:49and I fix or add every slide where I
40:52Stumble or there's something that should
40:53be there or Visual and I keep going
40:55until now right now I'm a week can
40:57change out and there's there's not much
40:59else I can do to it and so I'll still
41:02continue to do that from now until the
41:03day that it happens but I probably won't
41:05have as many changes because I should
41:06just keep nailing it and then when I get
41:08up there it doesn't matter if the tech
41:10doesn't work or if the you know the the
41:12book shopping page cart you know doesn't
41:15you know doesn't work or whatever it is
41:17because I'll be able to step off stage
41:18and look in the mirror and be like you
41:20did everything you could and the thing
41:22is just like no one else will know that
41:25because I know that like I could not do
41:27that and I Pro like you know a lot of
41:28people were like dude you have so much
41:29good will you could probably just say
41:30like here's you know here's the book um
41:32but I would know and if I if I believe
41:35what I say I do which is that I'm the
41:37ultimate judge jury and executioner of
41:39my own
41:41self-esteem then I'm the only person who
41:44can say good job or not and
41:45unfortunately I have incredibly high
41:47standards and so I can either just
41:49always feel like a failure because I
41:51always fall short of my own standards or
41:52I can create a standard that I I
41:54willingly and consciously accept which
41:56is that that I will do enough work that
41:59there is nothing left to be done and
42:01that means that I can also do fewer
42:02things which means I have to be more
42:04selective about the things that I choose
42:05to do but when I do them they will be
42:07done well and they will be done right
42:09they say that true hell is on the person
42:10that you are meets the person you could
42:12have been yeah
42:15and a lot of the time I think we look at
42:19uh sports stars I'm watching this
42:20quarterback on Netflix at the moment and
42:22is Patrick Mahomes is just this artist
42:26you know he he's he's a halfway between
42:28a warrior and a Sant and and an artist
42:32and a musician and and then everything
42:33rolled together right the reason that we
42:36love seeing behind the scenes with stuff
42:38like that is it is somebody at the
42:39absolute Zenith of their capacity Y and
42:42they are putting everything that they
42:44can into making this as good as possible
42:47and I think that I sometimes find myself
42:49getting I I I certainly did before I had
42:51the podcast I was wistful that I have
42:54the raw materials to work very hard at
42:56things and I'd never had a Pursuit that
42:58I could have applied it to there was
43:01nothing I remember the first time I ever
43:02heard Peterson say work as hard as you
43:05can at one thing for a year and see what
43:06happens yeah and I'd never had a thing
43:08that I could work I I could work hard at
43:10business but the line between your
43:12inputs and your outcomes is so
43:14Meandering and messy that I can always
43:17excuse away good or bad performances as
43:19not being on me and for the most part I
43:21would take responsibility for the bad
43:22ones and not take responsibility for the
43:24good ones because that's I'm wide but I
43:27I never had something that was linear
43:29close to linear I'm like I put an hour
43:31in and I get an hour out or more than an
43:33hour out yeah and it's direct and then
43:37about three years ago I had this
43:38conversation with Dean my video guy I
43:40was like I want to turn pro I read
43:41Steven pressfield war of art then I read
43:43turning pro I want to turn pro with the
43:45show what's that mean what would it mean
43:48if I treated this Pursuit like an
43:51athlete does so an athlete they review
43:54gam tape and they do mindset work and
43:56they've got a sports psychologist and
43:57they look at what they eat and they look
43:58at what they drink and they go to bed on
44:00time and they're hanging around with
44:02people that are growth-minded and
44:03they're getting the right coaches and
44:05all the rest everything is done in order
44:07to facilitate performance in the thing
44:09that they say they care about mhm but
44:12everybody has the opportunity to do that
44:13you just need to Define what the thing
44:14is I'm never going to be Patrick Mahomes
44:17right yeah I I no but I managed to find
44:21my thing and then nearly kill myself in
44:25dedication toward it there's a a photo
44:27that I put up on my Instagram a little
44:29while ago uh two weeks after I ruptured
44:32my achilles yeah yeah I saw that and I'm
44:35in a boot and I've got the laptop on my
44:37lap and we've created this arm that'll
44:39bring the mic to me because I didn't
44:41want to stop doing the podcast because
44:42I'd made this commitment I'm going to
44:44turn pro and for three years we haven't
44:45missed a single episode three times a
44:47week three times a week three times a
44:48week for three years now and before that
44:50it was two a week for a year and before
44:52that it was one a week for a year and it
44:54just keeps on ramping up and the the
44:57opportunity to commit yourself fully to
44:59something that you care about
45:01is beyond a blessing and when you do it
45:05the way that you feel once you know that
45:07you've worked hard is great and we said
45:08before we started you got this big thing
45:10coming up which I'm super proud of you
45:11for managing to achieve even though it
45:12hasn't happened yet um the difference
45:15between being nervous and being excited
45:17before you do something is your level of
45:18preparation in advance of it if you step
45:21out on stage or in front of half a
45:23million people on a webinar which is the
45:24craziest sentence I've ever said if you
45:27step out on stage in front of half a
45:28million people and you've done
45:29absolutely everything there's nothing to
45:33fear and that's why it's not about what
45:36everyone else will think because when
45:38I'm on stage making that presentation
45:40the only person whose voice I'll hear is
45:42mine and I will know if I have done
45:44everything in my control to be prepared
45:46or not and what what's the best thing
45:48that comes out I didn't do everything
45:50that I could to prepare and I managed to
45:52fluke my performance right I managed to
45:54like close my eyes throw the dot and oh
45:56wow it hit the ball ey you'll even know
45:58that they'll even be guilt you won't
46:00even be able to fully enjoy your success
46:02because you'll have tarnished it with
46:04your lack of input and what's
46:06interesting is that when you start
46:07defining your own success that way um it
46:10actually starts to feel under your own
46:11control but the downside is you realize
46:13that you can do very few things and then
46:15all of a sudden life feels very short
46:16because you're like shoot there's like
46:18not that many things I can do before I
46:19die if I'm going to actually do my best
46:22and what was interesting is I was
46:23talking to a CEO friend of mine he's a
46:25public CEO um and he was like I need to
46:27start making content right I'm like d
46:30like managing a billion dollar company I
46:31was like you're doing okay man but
46:33because of that type of person he's like
46:34I need to be doing better with my
46:35content right he's got a few hundred
46:36thousand followers anyways and
46:39so I was like all right well how many
46:41pieces of content you're putting out a
46:43week and he was like well I mean I put
46:44out one a
46:46day and I was like dude I was like we
46:48put out 300 a week and he just he didn't
46:51even respond he just took he just like
46:53pursed his lips and nodded he was like
46:55thank you for resetting my minimum
46:57standard it's always like thank you like
46:59and I'm sure like when you talk to Phil
47:00Heath and he talks about the volume that
47:02is required in order to gain muscle and
47:03how much how how D how dialed in he is
47:05with food and all the other things um
47:08just the amount of sheer work like the
47:11biggest change
47:13in or I'll say biggest reason that I've
47:16had significantly larger returns or
47:18outcomes that have happened later on in
47:19my career and they continue to get
47:20bigger and bigger is because the minimum
47:23standard for how much work I know I can
47:24do on something has has multiplied
47:27hundredfold like I look at the first
47:29presentations I was telling Quinn this
47:30earlier I look at the first
47:31presentations I ever gave and I remember
47:33thinking to myself when I had this I was
47:35like this is a good presentation it's
47:36like 25 slides with like a heading and
47:39like three bullets on each slide and
47:41being like man this is good I'm like
47:43this is a this is this is a pittance
47:45this is like an afternoon but in my mind
47:47if I spent a whole day on something that
47:49was like a lot of work now it's I you
47:52know I like using this term like measure
47:53in hundreds which is like measure in
47:56hundreds of hours how many hundreds of
47:57hours have you put towards something if
47:59you do that I promise you the thing that
48:01you're making will get a lot better and
48:02you'll also see how much more you're
48:03capable of which is what I think like my
48:05undertone of listening to what you were
48:07just saying with the podcast is like the
48:08more you do the more you realize you can
48:10do and so what happens is you're
48:13actually even though you're you're going
48:15pro right now you're like dude next year
48:16I'm going pro yeah because this is now
48:18just a minimum standard of course I work
48:20out three days a week of course I do
48:21three podcasts a week but dude once we
48:23have the the reality TV show and we have
48:26the full crew we have the headquarter
48:27like cuz then the path gets lit of where
48:30you're going to go because you're so
48:31singularly focused and you know you have
48:33no other distractions the attention cost
48:35isn't you're not paying that down
48:36anymore and you're just like how many
48:38times can I repeat this effort and then
48:40that's when you start unlocking Mastery
48:42right like I I have this process for
48:44creating presentations and before we
48:46turned on the mics uh we were talking
48:47about it but it's like I've done a
48:49handful of presentations in my life and
48:51I've gotten decent at making them but
48:53the the process now is so refined which
48:55is like it is game tape it is I make the
48:59thing I do the thing in my head I do it
49:01out loud I watch the recording I edit
49:03the thing I do it in my head I do it out
49:05loud I watch the recording I edit the
49:07thing and I just keep doing it until
49:08it's glass dude I listen to I listen to
49:11every podcast that I did for probably
49:12the first two and a half years I
49:14listened back every single every single
49:16time but at the time I didn't cringe cuz
49:17I thought that oh you crushed it anybody
49:19can go back and listen to episode one
49:21with Stuart Morton in my old office in
49:23Newcastle upon and you'll notice every
49:26other sentence that he says I go mm mm
49:31it's infuriating it's absolutely
49:33catastrophic my accent's terrible the C
49:36everything everything everything about
49:37it is is awful and yet at the time I
49:40thought it was great here's another
49:41interesting thing I've been thinking
49:42about recently
49:44um when you don't have anything to say
49:47no to it's easy to focus on one
49:49thing as success begins to get you more
49:52opportunities yeah your ability to say
49:55no becomes increasingly important and
49:57that's something that I'm feeling now
49:58yeah just more attention there's we
50:02hockey sticking quite aggressively and
50:03I'm not anywhere near like even middling
50:06Zed list Fame but it's enough for people
50:09to see what they think is a penny stock
50:11and decide that they're going to try and
50:12throw the hat in the ring which means
50:14that there's like 20 things I need to
50:16say no to every single week from new
50:18people that want that want to do a thing
50:20they why don't we try this thing and why
50:21don't we do that thing and why don't we
50:22do the other thing it was a piece of
50:24piss five years ago to say oh three
50:26years go in the middle of to go like I'm
50:28going to go pro and I'm just going to
50:29focus on this one thing cuz what else am
50:31I going to do all of my nightclubs have
50:33been shut down I got nothing else to do
50:35with my life now oh you said you were
50:38going to go pro interesting yeah let's
50:41see what happens when you have 30 other
50:43things every single week vying for your
50:45attention now let's see how committed
50:47you are this is my favorite analogy for
50:50this which is the woman in the red dress
50:52but you know every many people have seen
50:55The Matrix if you haven't seen The
50:56Matrix you don't need to have seen it to
50:58understand the analogy
50:59so Neo is going through the training
51:01program the protagonist Morpheus is his
51:03his educator his his teacher and the
51:06education program only has one objective
51:08and so he's walking through the city
51:09people are going left and right he's
51:10he's bumping into people going through
51:12like crowded New York and then all of a
51:14sudden it's kind of a black and white
51:15palish look it's green black and white
51:17but it's still black and white and then
51:19all of a sudden this woman in in a red
51:20dress enters the frame and you can't
51:23help but stare at this woman in the red
51:24dress and she's a complete knockout and
51:27morphus is talking to Neo trying to
51:28teach him something and as he's talking
51:30he's like Neo were you looking at me or
51:33you looking at the woman in the red
51:34dress and he says look again and he
51:37looks back and it's agent Smith holding
51:38a gun to his head and he says freeze and
51:40then everything freezes in the frame and
51:42he's like if you're not one of us you're
51:43one of them and I see that as the
51:48opportunities that we have to say no to
51:50every day is like another woman in the
51:51red dress and it's become a term that we
51:52use internally right it's like it's a
51:54woman in the red dress and the thing is
51:55is that the the more uccessful you
51:56become or the more able you become the
51:58hotter the woman in the red dress is
52:00right like you you got a homeless girl
52:01that you're walking you know past on the
52:03on the street she's like all dirty but
52:04she's got a red dress on you're like the
52:06thing is is that that Homeless girl when
52:07you were in your apartment actually
52:09looks like yeah right she's like you
52:11know I'm not you know I could you know
52:13right um but then the better you get the
52:16the bigger the opportunities and that's
52:17where you have not your hypothetical 10
52:18but what about your hypothetical 100
52:20yeah and I had a mentor say this to me
52:22right as we sold uh gym launch he said
52:26Alex that you know now that if it's not
52:28a billion it's not worth your time and
52:31that was such a
52:32single a great razor for all decisions
52:37and so people they're like hey we should
52:38do this endorsement hey we should
52:40partner with this whatever I mean think
52:41about it like we're in the deal world so
52:42how many deal we get we have 3,000
52:45companies a month that reach out to us
52:46to do a deal that's 100 a day currently
52:49and we've done 13 deals in two
52:51years and so like you think about from
52:53acceptance rate it's like you know and
52:55I'm not saying you shouldn't apply by
52:56all means acis.com and apply if you have
52:57an awesome business um but but the point
53:00is is that like your no muscle isn't
53:03really a no muscle it's just a yes
53:05muscle for the one thing that matters
53:06most y we'll get back to talking to Alex
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54:06business to the next level today heroes
54:08and villains always have the same
54:10backstory pain the difference is what
54:13they choose to do about it villain says
54:16the world hurt me I'll hurt it back the
54:18hero says the world hurt me I'm not
54:21going to let it hurt anybody else Heroes
54:23use pain villains are used by it
54:28and F Kos here this is a permutation of
54:30what uh Donald Miller said um who's a
54:33great writer and he has a number of
54:35books and he he he talked about the
54:36first element the second element of that
54:38quote is the part that I added to it um
54:40about heroes using pain and villains
54:43being used by it and so one of the
54:46things for people who are not where they
54:48want to be is that they have pain like
54:52Oodles of pain and I remember when I was
54:53starting out I was looking for passion I
54:55was looking for purpose I was like I
54:57just want to find something that I'm
54:58motivated by but it's the it's the cat
55:01and the cheese it's like we're looking
55:02for cheese but we have all these cat
55:03behind us and all we have to do is look
55:05and remember that they're behind us and
55:06chasing us and
55:09so if you have the cat and you're
55:12staying in your current situation you're
55:14being used by the cat right you're being
55:16used by the business owner who you know
55:19it doesn't treat you well and is you
55:20know and you're in this job they don't
55:22really want to be in right or you're
55:23being used by the situation or the
55:26context of the relationship that you're
55:27in with the girl that you're like not
55:28that into right versus saying like this
55:31is
55:33terrible and because of this
55:36terribleness I now have something that I
55:38can run away from and then and then and
55:41then like rather than not looking at the
55:43knife or trying to take painkillers to
55:44not feel the pain it's like completely
55:47sobering up taking the knife and
55:48twisting it in your own heart and being
55:50like I'm going to do something
55:51about this and I think that that's
55:53that's what the heroes like if we're
55:55heroes in our own story it's not
55:57avoiding pain it's choosing from the
55:59very beginning the Alchemy which is like
56:01you have these terrible situations it's
56:03like and you have the opportunity to
56:04turn turn them into magic and and and
56:07Skip or shortcut all the growth you're
56:10going to have in a really short period
56:11of time simply by twisting the knife and
56:13being like I'm going to do something
56:14about it yeah I
56:16think
56:18because people presume in the beginning
56:20that passion and purpose and meaning and
56:23joy and and fulfillment are the things
56:25that get people going but as I've said
56:28of all of the high performers that I've
56:29spoken to the vast vast vast majority of
56:31them are driven by insufficiency and
56:34resentment and terrible parents or
56:37terrible upbringings or a chip on their
56:39shoulder about bullies in school pick
56:41your
56:42poison they have decided to use that to
56:45create the activation energy right you
56:48can lower your action threshold and
56:51increase how many points you have to
56:53prove it's like oh I want to live a
56:55better life yeah that sounds good it's
56:57like I want to prove the bullies that
56:59said I was a worthless piece of in
57:01school wrong it's like that's some
57:02potent fuel I do believe that
57:05scaled over a long enough time it's
57:07toxic and I don't think that it's
57:09necessarily how
57:11long question like a lifetime right like
57:15but I mean it'll it'll fuel you for a
57:17decade pretty well yeah and I think that
57:20I look at me I look at you know I was
57:22bullied pretty badly in school and was
57:24an only child and had expectations from
57:28parents and and you know I combined all
57:30of those things
57:32together and I did have a chip on my
57:34shoulder and I did want to prove to the
57:35world that I was worthwhile and I did
57:37want people to to realize that they had
57:40doubted the wrong person yeah yeah
57:43damn right I
57:44do I think being really specific about
57:47your pain is helpful so like even being
57:52specific about the cheese really
57:53specificity in general is helpful but
57:55like even more so like what is the
57:57twisting the P what is twisting the
57:58knife like what is how do you
57:59operationalize twisting the knife right
58:01instead of being like I hate my life
58:03right it's I hate the way Andrew makes
58:07me feel when he says that I'm a piece of
58:10and I'm not going to amount to
58:11anything comma because he's
58:15right like why does it hurt me like if
58:17someone says Alex you're a piece of
58:18you're not going to out to anything if
58:20someone accuses you of being poor or fat
58:22right I I would have I'd be like I have
58:24evidence to the contrary so this will
58:26probably not bother me but the things
58:27that bother us are the ones that you
58:29know have an element of Truth or
58:31sometimes not an element are comprised
58:33almost entirely of Truth and we just
58:34don't want to look at it and so I think
58:35it's it's the the twisting the knife is
58:38looking in the mirror and saying what if
58:39they're
58:41right success is the only Revenge as you
58:45expand they shrink into irrelevance as
58:47you get louder no one can hear them you
58:49don't beat them you cast a shadow so big
58:52no one can see them to begin with when
58:55people copy they copy the wrong stuff
58:57because they don't know why it worked to
58:59begin with and when it breaks they don't
59:01know how to fix it because they didn't
59:02build it so don't sweat it copycats will
59:05always be
59:08behind good
59:10but success is the only revenge is
59:13such a lovely there's that um let me
59:16tell you the story behind it damn right
59:18yeah so I was 15 years old so this was
59:22really early in my life still jacked
59:24still jacked always jacked Perma jacked
59:28and I uh this is sound so lame so I had
59:32this teacher so I'm freshman in high
59:34school and I might have been 14 whatever
59:37the age is and I'm walking through the
59:38hallway and this this teacher is like an
59:40admin of some kind walks out of his
59:42office and he's like he's like son and I
59:44was like I'm like you're just in trouble
59:46what am I going to do he's like you work
59:48out and I was like no he's like why not
59:51I was like I don't know how he's like
59:55I'll show you he's like you got the
59:56jeans and so that teacher Mr given um
1:00:00ended up working out with me every day
1:00:02in high school and showed me how to work
1:00:04out and he probably saw on some level
1:00:07that I was some angsty teenager that
1:00:09felt angry about whatever and I during
1:00:12our workout sessions would be like this
1:00:14guy said this to me like he you know you
1:00:16know like this bull whatever and I was
1:00:20like man I'm going to come back at our
1:00:2110-year reunion and I was like I'm going
1:00:23to show him I was like he's going to be
1:00:24working for me like blah blah blah blah
1:00:25right
1:00:27and he's like no he's not and I was like
1:00:30what do you mean I was like let me just
1:00:31have my moment he's like no he's not
1:00:34he's like and you're not going to do
1:00:35that not if I have anything to say about
1:00:37it when you come back for the 10 year
1:00:38reunion and I was like what do you mean
1:00:41he's like because if you come back at a
1:00:4210-year reunion and say hey John like
1:00:46everything I have look at me now he's
1:00:48like the guy's going to laugh and be
1:00:50like you did all of this to try and
1:00:51prove me wrong man I feel sorry for You'
1:00:56and when he said that when he actually
1:00:57played out what my like Revenge fantasy
1:00:59was in real life I realized it looked it
1:01:02looked stupid yeah I looked like the
1:01:04beta in the situation right and
1:01:07so he was like the only thing that you
1:01:09can do is win so big that all of them
1:01:13constantly compare themselves to you and
1:01:15then you'll forget they
1:01:17exist and he and that's when he said he
1:01:19said success is the only Revenge he's
1:01:21like it's not the best revenge he's like
1:01:23it's the only one there's no other
1:01:25Revenge because everything else is petty
1:01:27everything else does show that you were
1:01:29thinking about these people all day long
1:01:31which means they win by default he's
1:01:33like all you can do is think about your
1:01:35goal and winning he's like and when you
1:01:37win that's when you become so big that
1:01:40they shrink into irrelevance you cast a
1:01:42shadow that no one even can see them
1:01:43behind you this is the Nuance I think on
1:01:48on the previous point when we were
1:01:49talking about the toxicity of that fuel
1:01:51long term you can see me light up yeah
1:01:53yeah yeah well I think that when you
1:01:56think about
1:01:58um the activation energy of using the
1:02:01things that you don't like yeah you have
1:02:03to be careful that you're using them and
1:02:05that they're not using you still and a
1:02:08lot of the time I get this and in my
1:02:11more juvenile moments I I see myself do
1:02:14this
1:02:15where I'll know that there's a game that
1:02:17somebody else that I don't like cares
1:02:19about yeah and I'll imagine myself
1:02:22playing that game to beat them so that I
1:02:25can Stick it to them right purely for
1:02:27the reason of sticking it to them let's
1:02:29say that there's someone that really
1:02:30cares about being in shape and I'm not
1:02:31in as good shape as I have been in the
1:02:33past and I know that with muscle memory
1:02:34if you give me 18 months and a good
1:02:36amount of testosterone like the thing
1:02:39that they care
1:02:40about I would be able to make them feel
1:02:43really bad about right okay so I would
1:02:47hijack my own Direction yeah purely to
1:02:52try and prove somebody else wrong in a
1:02:55desperate and somehow believe that
1:02:57that's me taking control of my life are
1:02:59you kidding me I'm allowing them to
1:03:02ventriloquize me yeah through pain that
1:03:05they didn't even mean to give me
1:03:07yeah the woman in the black dress uh the
1:03:11black pill equivalent right well like
1:03:13now it's like not even a distraction
1:03:14from your main goal it's like I'm going
1:03:17to make a new goal just to wrong this
1:03:19person and then somehow make make up the
1:03:21story that I'm in control of my life
1:03:23when I'm I'm really just acting in
1:03:25complete re action to this person and so
1:03:27in so doing in beating them at their own
1:03:29game they've already won by default yep
1:03:31because they got me to change the game I
1:03:32was playing forget about who won it's
1:03:34like dude you were over there and now
1:03:36you're over here I see this with a lot
1:03:38of people I I I think that it
1:03:39contributes to a lot more of why and how
1:03:44people adopt societal Norms that the
1:03:46resentment that they have it's it's not
1:03:48just other people want this thing
1:03:49therefore I mimetically want to do this
1:03:51thing too it's I know that other people
1:03:54will respect me and my resentment will
1:03:56feel Justified and manifest if I win at
1:03:59it and that's really compelling that's
1:04:02like a motivational spit roasting coming
1:04:04in from both ends and
1:04:06it's it's really really powerful and you
1:04:09need to be careful I mean I think you
1:04:12know one of the really early blessings
1:04:14and I'll be hon like this is where I
1:04:16think I was fortunate right like I I
1:04:19realized when I was about
1:04:2128 right um that I had been trying
1:04:25really hard to beat I mean you'll notice
1:04:27a common theme with a lot of my stories
1:04:28but I have one Central person that I was
1:04:30trying to prove for a very long time
1:04:32which was my father um and we're on good
1:04:34terms by the way because I always get
1:04:35that
1:04:36question but uh this was after I left
1:04:40and he disapproved of my whole thing and
1:04:42for five years we didn't talk very much
1:04:44and so he calls me up um to he says hey
1:04:48you're going to want to sit down for
1:04:48this and I'm like okay what are you
1:04:50pregnant you know
1:04:52um so and so he says I'm sorry and and I
1:04:57was like for what and he was like for
1:04:59everything right now mind you like he a
1:05:02middle eastern father born in Iran to a
1:05:04middle to a middle eastern father there
1:05:06who was even more legit like when where
1:05:09my father was born women weren't allowed
1:05:11to drive cars cars came with drivers
1:05:13with them when you bought them the
1:05:14driver came with the car like he was
1:05:16born in a very different world like
1:05:18fathers don't apologize to Sons it just
1:05:20it was it just wasn't that way and I
1:05:23have a little bit more a little bit more
1:05:25awareness than I did then and I can see
1:05:27that now but for me I was
1:05:29like now you apologize you know what I
1:05:32mean um and so rather than take it for
1:05:34the Olive Branch that it was uh I
1:05:38said I didn't care about your opinion
1:05:42five years ago when I left and I was
1:05:43like and I don't care
1:05:45now and he was like well we'll see how
1:05:47long your success lasts and so could
1:05:50have been a really nice exchange ended
1:05:51up becoming pretty pretty ugly but the
1:05:52the main point there was that I wanted
1:05:55to in the beginning like make as much as
1:05:56my father then it was make more than my
1:05:58father and then it was make more than my
1:05:59father had ever made in his entire life
1:06:00and once I had achieved that I realized
1:06:03that as much as like it sounds terrible
1:06:05to say this but like I was trying to
1:06:07beat him at his
1:06:09game and and this is pretty alive in a
1:06:12lot of a lot of Asian culture same thing
1:06:13making money is a big you know like when
1:06:15my dad would introduce somebody he'd be
1:06:16like this is Sozo he makes this much a
1:06:17year like it so it was just really clear
1:06:19like this is how much status someone has
1:06:20and so like it was really deep for me um
1:06:23but it was only when I realized that I
1:06:25had won
1:06:26at his game that I realized I never even
1:06:28asked the question of like what game am
1:06:29I trying to win and I don't know how
1:06:31many people are actually trying to win
1:06:34at a game that they didn't even set the
1:06:36rules up for so many when they're in it
1:06:39and that's why I say like I think I was
1:06:40fortunate that I you know I hit a a
1:06:42really tough goal because my dad was is
1:06:44is a successful man um relatively early
1:06:47on um but that that that exchange and
1:06:51then think like and then reflecting
1:06:53black and feeling terrible about myself
1:06:54from like saying what I said that and
1:06:56then I was like
1:06:57I I did everything that I've done to
1:06:59this point to beat him beat my father
1:07:02the man who actually raised me who tried
1:07:03to make me the best man I can and when I
1:07:05think when I really start thinking about
1:07:06it I'm like I like who I
1:07:09am he raised me so doesn't that mean
1:07:13that he might have been the perfect
1:07:14father and then that really messes with
1:07:17me and so yeah so go ahead well it's
1:07:19just it's hard to
1:07:21think that the people you used to have
1:07:24contempt for or distaste or hatred or
1:07:27whatever shaped you in a way that you
1:07:30couldn't have been and I often think
1:07:32about how the things I'm most proud of
1:07:34in myself are the light side of
1:07:36something that I was so embarrassed
1:07:38about so ashamed about um you know being
1:07:41an outcast as a kid meant that uh
1:07:45I love or I'm capable of being on My Own
1:07:50Way Beyond how anybody else is yeah so
1:07:53far beyond it I I can work on my own in
1:07:57solitude for an endless amount of time I
1:07:59I can outwork anybody in solitude why
1:08:02because I
1:08:03spent almost all of my time between the
1:08:06ages of six and 16 in my bedroom
1:08:09listening to audio tapes right listening
1:08:12to audiobooks and like throwing like a
1:08:14tennis ball against the wall or like
1:08:15playing with my like Mighty
1:08:17Mouse from Mars or whatever they were
1:08:19called what was it called bik a ice from
1:08:21Mars that was it um and that was what I
1:08:23did yeah so
1:08:26but all of that discomfort and all of
1:08:29the challenges that I went through there
1:08:30are the thing one of the things that I'm
1:08:32so proud of myself on now okay so what
1:08:36if I look back and I said well all of
1:08:39the the
1:08:42um the bullying that I went through and
1:08:44the challenges of feeling alone and
1:08:45being on the outside of social groups
1:08:47meant that I developed such attenuation
1:08:51and attention and focus and an ability
1:08:53to distill down what's happening
1:08:54socially which is why I became one of
1:08:57the best club promoters in the UK for a
1:08:58decade and a half right because for all
1:09:01of my school life I'd been obsessing
1:09:03over how Alex wears his tie maybe that's
1:09:06why he has friends and I don't have
1:09:07friends or the particular brand of shoes
1:09:10that he's wearing or the like he carries
1:09:12his bag on that shoulder and I car carry
1:09:14mine on this shoulder because I couldn't
1:09:15deconstruct why I didn't have friends
1:09:17and everybody else did right okay so
1:09:20looking back would I have rather had the
1:09:23friends right and had the brother or
1:09:25sister and not develop this skill I
1:09:28can't split test life so I don't know
1:09:30right but my life's ended up pretty good
1:09:33and I'm happy with it so I need to not
1:09:36only look back at that stuff as
1:09:38something not to hate but something to
1:09:40genuinely be thankful for and that
1:09:43is frankly something I'm still working
1:09:45[Laughter]
1:09:49through well yeah it goes It goes back
1:09:52to the the first thing which is like the
1:09:54most traumatic events that happen in our
1:09:55life you know they happen for us not to
1:09:58us but when you expand the time Horizon
1:09:59like those things and to be fair there
1:10:02are people who do have really crappy
1:10:04things happen to them and then it
1:10:05destroys them and then that's it and
1:10:06then they're just done and that's all it
1:10:08is not everyone has like a moderate
1:10:10amount of childhood bullying and an only
1:10:12child with like parents that care about
1:10:13them or whatever because you were a
1:10:15child coping with the world with the
1:10:17coping skills of a child I'm still
1:10:20largely that as an as an adult infant
1:10:23right and so um
1:10:25but I think that I mean the keepy at
1:10:27least for me you know my my key takeaway
1:10:29from both both of these kind of stories
1:10:31is more
1:10:33that all of the all of the the negative
1:10:36things that happen on the micro have the
1:10:38opportunity if double down on to be huge
1:10:42wins in the macro and sometimes in ways
1:10:44that just a micro win would never have
1:10:46the ability to be doubled down on and
1:10:48become a a capital w win in the
1:10:51macro this is probably one of the
1:10:54heaviest hmer blows I think for today
1:10:56this next one this is a real anger
1:10:58tweeting great no it's not it's an
1:11:00existential one oh fun you've already
1:11:02achieved goals you said would make you
1:11:04happy
1:11:06yeah you've already achieved goals you
1:11:09said would make you
1:11:11happy Alex's notes to self
1:11:16right
1:11:18um because we all know the happiness
1:11:20formula which is um when this happens
1:11:24I'll be happy right when X I'll be happy
1:11:26or if x I'll be happy um and so we you
1:11:30know I I've set up that equation I'm
1:11:32sure I know you've never set up this
1:11:34equation for yourself in your life but
1:11:35you know I I've set that up and I think
1:11:37that just serves as as my my biggest
1:11:39reminder um but it's also why I probably
1:11:42am a pretty existential nihilist overall
1:11:44um because I I've had so much evidence
1:11:47that none of those things quote brought
1:11:48me joy but the things that we were
1:11:50talking earlier about anticipation being
1:11:52kind of the hot button on Pleasure y I
1:11:54feel like the hot button on Joy for me
1:11:56is what I'm doing right now so like I
1:11:57haven't done the event yet right I
1:12:00haven't I haven't given the presentation
1:12:02but when I'm in the Rocky cut scene of
1:12:04like of beating I'm not gonna say
1:12:07beating the cow carcass I'll say it that
1:12:09way um I trying to avoid certain words
1:12:12anyways um that when I'm when I'm when
1:12:15I'm when I'm putting that work in and
1:12:16doing the Reps like that's when I'm
1:12:19actually my most in flow and enjoying
1:12:22myself the most and so it's actually a
1:12:24lie that I've been telling myself that
1:12:26like once the presentation goes well
1:12:28I'll feel good because in some ways now
1:12:31I feel like when the presentation
1:12:32happens I'll be disappointed because I
1:12:34won't get to do this anymore I'll have
1:12:35to find something else to pick as a
1:12:37Target so that I can get back into my
1:12:39Rocky cut scene and so I think that that
1:12:41that has taken some time and I've gotten
1:12:43better at it I really do think I've
1:12:44gotten a lot better at it um at least
1:12:46recognizing because the more the more
1:12:48times I've I've had ws and then realized
1:12:50that right afterwards I felt nothing I
1:12:53had to think back of like what are the
1:12:54things that I enjoyed most in my life
1:12:57and it's always in Pursuit and I'm like
1:12:59well then why don't I set something
1:13:01really big really far so I can be in
1:13:03Pursuit for the longest period of time
1:13:05possible and that's where I think a lot
1:13:06of people from the outside you know they
1:13:08cast their expectations of Life onto me
1:13:10and say I wouldn't live my life that way
1:13:11you're always you're always working
1:13:13you're always doing these things but
1:13:14it's like I'm actually always spending
1:13:17my time in Pursuit because in Pursuit is
1:13:19my button for enjoyment well what about
1:13:22if it wasn't achieving the thing at the
1:13:26end if the reason that you set yourself
1:13:28goals is exclusively to motivate
1:13:30yourself to enjoy the route toward those
1:13:32goals and I know that it's not the
1:13:35destination it's the journey is kind of
1:13:37cliche and I think this is is slightly
1:13:40subtly different which is that it's
1:13:44actually about setting the destination
1:13:47without the destination you wouldn't do
1:13:48the journey yeah like the way that you
1:13:50set goals and then achieve them and the
1:13:52the dopamine and the the trigger that
1:13:53you get um I often think about the
1:13:56balance between like serotonin Chris and
1:13:58dopamine Chris and I I don't even know
1:14:00the difference between that it's like am
1:14:02I feeling sort of lovey and present and
1:14:05and and wanting to connect with people
1:14:06or am I driving toward a thing because I
1:14:08have a goal that's in front of me and
1:14:10I'm very sort of dopamine Chris a lot of
1:14:12the time um but I genuinely think that
1:14:16if you remind yourself these are the
1:14:18golden years like this right now yeah
1:14:22this when you look back these will be
1:14:25the golden years right when I had my
1:14:27health I had my full mental capacity I
1:14:30had control of my bladder I had all of
1:14:32the money that I needed to do the things
1:14:33that I wanted to crush it with my
1:14:35friends to fly around America and film
1:14:38these podcasts or to launch this book
1:14:41that I spend all of this time on and you
1:14:43can even see it in the micro you can
1:14:44even see it when you look back on stuff
1:14:47that you've done in your day-to-day
1:14:48business or when you what you did at
1:14:49University what were the times that you
1:14:51enjoyed was it when success success came
1:14:53to you easily or was it when you stayed
1:14:55up and ordered dominoes because you had
1:14:56that project that needed to be in at 6:
1:14:58in the morning and you ran an all
1:14:59nighter and and John slept under the the
1:15:02table and and everybody ordered monsters
1:15:04and then the next morning we got it done
1:15:06what was good about that was it when you
1:15:08submitted it or was it the dominoes and
1:15:10the 3:00 a.m. sleep under the table
1:15:12because I'm pretty sure it's
1:15:16that I love this as a side note
1:15:21um but one of the things that really
1:15:24motivates me
1:15:25or one of my most powerful motivational
1:15:27frames is thinking about the person that
1:15:29I want to become as the destination and
1:15:32thinking like I want to be
1:15:34bulletproof I want to be bulletproof in
1:15:36these ways I want to be bulletproof in
1:15:38my marriage I want to be bulletproof in
1:15:40my business Etc and I think about that
1:15:43man whoever I want him to be like we
1:15:45said hell is when you look at who you
1:15:46could have been and realize that you're
1:15:48not that person and then I think if I
1:15:51were to make that man what would I put
1:15:54that man through to make him who he is
1:15:57like it wouldn't be easy times it
1:15:59wouldn't be quick wins it wouldn't even
1:16:01be easy wins it would be the the toil
1:16:05and the struggle of achieving and
1:16:07reaching for
1:16:10things that are right out of grasp that
1:16:13are right above my threshold and
1:16:15continuing to do that to like lift the
1:16:16weight to build the muscle to break it
1:16:18down and do it over and over again
1:16:19because like that's what creates the
1:16:21character traits that are the man that I
1:16:22want to be and so when I'm going through
1:16:24those like really harder times I like to
1:16:27think of like looking in my mental
1:16:29mirror of like I'm making you I'm not
1:16:31there yet but I'm making you and that
1:16:34has helped me get through some of the
1:16:36harder times and from a gratitude
1:16:40perspective my my most powerful frame
1:16:42for gratitude has been thinking about my
1:16:4585-year-old self waking up as my
1:16:4730-year-old
1:16:49self and all of a sudden looking at Lea
1:16:51and be like man I remember when we were
1:16:53this young and then looking out the
1:16:54window and like man you know Vegas
1:16:56wasn't even developed like there's no
1:16:57flying cars yet like man they were still
1:16:59used gas like this is so cool and I get
1:17:01out of bed and I'm like and my elbows
1:17:04don't hurt my knees don't hurt right
1:17:05because I'm thinking about what my
1:17:0685-year-old self would think and you
1:17:09know we're talking about whatever but it
1:17:11it it it allows me to enjoy the mundane
1:17:13in a way that I know that I would give
1:17:15everything that I had when I was 85 to
1:17:17enjoy again and it's just it's a it's a
1:17:19Trippy frame but like if you can think
1:17:21like what would 8 85-year-old me would
1:17:23be like I'm just not my body doesn't
1:17:25hurt you know what I mean like I
1:17:26actually have energy like I can think
1:17:28clearly I don't have brain fog cuz I'm
1:17:2985 right and that has been probably my
1:17:33single most powerful frame on feeling
1:17:35grateful and allowed me to feel more
1:17:37present at times when I start like when
1:17:38I start to feel like I'm going through
1:17:39the motions and just like clicking in
1:17:41the routine and just like day after day
1:17:42after day and they feel the same that's
1:17:44been my biggest slowdown where I can
1:17:45pull the reins and be like just and mind
1:17:49you it lasts a few minutes but when I
1:17:51think back on the days where I where I
1:17:53use that frame the part of the day that
1:17:55I remember was just a few minutes that I
1:17:56use it so I did this episode with Sam
1:17:59Harris a lot of people have problems
1:18:00with Sam Harris I found the time that I
1:18:03spent with him unbelievably enjoyable I
1:18:06sat opposite him and a couple of times
1:18:08caught myself thinking I am having so
1:18:11much fun doing this and he said this
1:18:13thing and I really wish that I'd asked
1:18:14him another question I should email him
1:18:15about it um I was talking about presence
1:18:19and and the importance of presence and
1:18:21you could use it as a proxy for
1:18:22gratitude and he said that what you're
1:18:25aiming to do is find small moments in
1:18:29the day when you just open up and
1:18:33realize what's happening yeah right
1:18:36Conor McGregor won the featherweight
1:18:40title twice because he won the interim
1:18:42MH because Aldo was injured right and
1:18:44then he won against Aldo and somebody
1:18:47asked him what are you going to do
1:18:49differently this time again before the
1:18:50Aldo fight that you didn't do against
1:18:52the me in the Mendes fight he says this
1:18:55time I'm going to be present and there's
1:18:56this photo of him and he's stood yeah
1:18:59like this at the weigh-in and you've got
1:19:01this entire yeah stadium in front of him
1:19:05and he stood like that he said the first
1:19:06time he did it he couldn't remember it
1:19:08because he was just yeah drowning in the
1:19:11in in what was next yeah
1:19:13and what I really loved that Sam said
1:19:16and I think that you know you look at
1:19:18somebody that's a master meditator or
1:19:20you set yourself High bars for what it
1:19:21means to be mindful and you realize that
1:19:23you can be present with a sip of a
1:19:25coffee okay I can be present with this
1:19:27one sip of a coffee and then it like
1:19:30sand in your hands or like trying to
1:19:31remember a dream it just evaporates
1:19:33right okay well what if your goal was
1:19:36just to try and get five of those a day
1:19:40yeah what if that was it what if being
1:19:42mindful was just five moments when you
1:19:46allow yourself to be where your feet are
1:19:48where your feet are underneath you and
1:19:51then what if you tried to just string
1:19:53like two of those together five times a
1:19:56day like just this first Sip and then as
1:19:58I put it down the view out of the window
1:20:00oh my God like that's two things in one
1:20:02and then I can do that five times and it
1:20:04it if I'd asked him I would have said
1:20:08really is the path to just increase the
1:20:09frequency of the times that you are
1:20:11where your feet are underneath you uh
1:20:13and one other cue that I love that I got
1:20:15from an embodiment coach is the times
1:20:18when you see in your peripheral vision
1:20:20you're looking and the way that our
1:20:21vision actually works you're focused so
1:20:23heavily on what's directly in front of
1:20:24you if there's ever a time when you see
1:20:27what's out here MH you realize that you
1:20:30it's impossible to see all of that and
1:20:31not be in the present moment because
1:20:33You' naturally just opened yourself up
1:20:35and I love that cue so during the times
1:20:37when I'm doing things like that Sam
1:20:39episode I'm like the next question and
1:20:41there's millions of people watching and
1:20:42all this stuff and there's this guy in
1:20:43front of me and he's super smart or
1:20:46whatever this is cool just that
1:20:49one moment and that when I look back on
1:20:51that episode that's what I enjoyed
1:20:54that's what I enjoyed about it so I
1:20:55think that being where your feet are
1:20:57underneath you and allowing yourself to
1:20:58open up and stringing those together
1:21:01largely allows you
1:21:03to enjoy being whilst you're in the
1:21:06process of
1:21:07becoming it's also
1:21:10interesting those moments you can
1:21:13capture a moment independent from your
1:21:15surroundings because a lot of times
1:21:16those moments you're not thinking about
1:21:18the goal that you have the meeting that
1:21:19you have the the prep that you have to
1:21:21do for some talk or some podcast or
1:21:23whatever it is and
1:21:25I can't remember where I heard this but
1:21:27they were talking about Gladiator the
1:21:28movie and the film opens with this like
1:21:32little bird on a bow right with like the
1:21:34the leaves and whatnot and then they
1:21:36zoom out from that little bird on the on
1:21:38the on the bow and it's this disgusting
1:21:42war scene right and so it's kind of like
1:21:46micro macro micro um of how no matter
1:21:51how tough whatever the moment that
1:21:53you're going through is if you can just
1:21:55take a picture of the corner of the room
1:21:58and look at the beauty in that right of
1:22:00being present in that moment even if
1:22:02it's the suffering right like you get
1:22:04punched and you're spitting blood out
1:22:05but it's like this moment that you
1:22:07capture then all of a sudden like
1:22:09everything Fades away and you are
1:22:11present and so it can take this what
1:22:13would be a brutal war scene of death and
1:22:16dismemberment and the thing that makes
1:22:18it memorable is the zooming in on a
1:22:22detail and so it's like if we're going
1:22:24if you feel like you're going through
1:22:25life too fast it's like just look for a
1:22:27detail whenever I wanted to try and get
1:22:30myself back into the present I used to
1:22:31have brain fog a lot in my 20s oh really
1:22:34and maybe not brain fog maybe just the
1:22:36clarity of my thoughts now is so much
1:22:38better than it used to I don't
1:22:39know maybe I was hung over yeah that was
1:22:41a big maybe it was just the drugs I
1:22:43don't know um but one of the things I
1:22:45used to do I used to have this I still
1:22:46have this BMW sat on my drive with a
1:22:49perforated steering wheel and I remember
1:22:50that if I ran my thumbs across the
1:22:52steering wheel and I really felt per
1:22:55really felt it do it with a leaf i' Pi a
1:22:58leaf up and I'd really feel the Sens of
1:23:00the leaf I couldn't think about anything
1:23:03else you can only have one thought at
1:23:04one time you cannot think two things
1:23:06right you have a super computer inside
1:23:08of your head and it's got one megabyte
1:23:10of ram yeah yeah so just think the one
1:23:13thought we'll get back to talking to
1:23:14Alex in one minute but first I need to
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1:24:12deod wisdom okay so this next one me and
1:24:16you text each other pretty frequently
1:24:18about we've seen this cool thing and
1:24:19someone's repurposed like one of the
1:24:20things that we've done which is cool and
1:24:22it makes me feel good that things that
1:24:23we've said or that you've said largely
1:24:25uh get repurposed um this is something
1:24:28that hadn't happened before which is you
1:24:29misquoted
1:24:31me but improved the quote so this was
1:24:35like the human centipede of content
1:24:37creation and then I named it okay so
1:24:40this is fame's seesaw when you're on
1:24:42your way up everyone roots for you
1:24:44because you remind them of their dreams
1:24:46when you're at the top everyone tears
1:24:48you down because you remind them that
1:24:50they gave up on them and you have one
1:24:52which is for anyone who needs a reminder
1:24:55no one is going to hate on you for doing
1:24:57worse than
1:24:59them and this is interesting because
1:25:02kind of like the challenges you
1:25:04face in the beginning you don't have
1:25:07anything to say no to therefore the
1:25:08woman in the red dress is easy to say no
1:25:10to or there a fewer women
1:25:12yeah this is a challenge that nobody is
1:25:16going to give you any sympathy for yeah
1:25:19it's a very unique category of challenge
1:25:21because the total addressable market for
1:25:22sympathy is basically zero
1:25:25because almost everybody is on their way
1:25:27up and very few people are at the top
1:25:29and the people that are at the top are
1:25:30seen as having a degree of privilege
1:25:32that almost legitimates you twisting the
1:25:34knife or you poking the finger this is
1:25:36how public figures can have normal
1:25:40everyday people on Twitter say
1:25:42unspeakable like heinous things to them
1:25:44dehumanizing things because they do not
1:25:47see them as human they don't see them as
1:25:48a person there is no person on the other
1:25:50side of this there is it's they're a
1:25:52representation they're menery of of of
1:25:55ideas mhm therefore I can say whatever I
1:25:58want to them because they're not they're
1:25:59not really a person but they are and the
1:26:03fact
1:26:06that before there is any status
1:26:09associated with tearing you down no one
1:26:12is incentivized to tear you down and you
1:26:14haven't changed dude the ls Capaldi
1:26:17documentary I've watched this twice now
1:26:19know L Capal is the singer Scottish
1:26:21singer amazing dude really fascinating
1:26:24story
1:26:24suffering a lot with mental health makes
1:26:27this first album and billions billions
1:26:29of streams World Tour phenomenal and he
1:26:32playing songs that he wrote in 2017 and
1:26:35played in working men's pubs around
1:26:36Scotland the same songs go to number one
1:26:39so not just that he's become better he's
1:26:42the same guy yeah the same guy maybe his
1:26:45production's improved maybe his
1:26:46recording quality is improved he's got
1:26:47better mastering and his voice is voice
1:26:49coaching's got a bit better but he's
1:26:50largely the same person he hasn't
1:26:52changed and he has this this quote
1:26:54halfway through and it really spoke to
1:26:56me and he said Fame doesn't change you
1:26:59it just changes everybody around you
1:27:02yeah and
1:27:04that when you're on your way up everyone
1:27:06roots for you because you remind them of
1:27:08their dreams when you're at the top
1:27:09everyone tears you down because you
1:27:11remind them that they gave up on them
1:27:13that really yeah that spoke to me I
1:27:15wrote an essay on this because I'm a
1:27:18psychopath yeah yep when I was a gym
1:27:20owner so a lot of people don't know this
1:27:22but I got I got a writing scholarship in
1:27:23college like I was a vice president of
1:27:26the newspaper I was uh editor of the
1:27:29creative writing magazine so like I've
1:27:30been writing for a long time I enjoy
1:27:32writing um and I wrote this essay I said
1:27:36I think the title of it was um everyone
1:27:39believes in the American dream until it
1:27:40comes
1:27:41true and I remember because what had
1:27:43happened was everybody when I when I was
1:27:45sleeping on the gym floor right like you
1:27:47know I was the I was the underdog and
1:27:49everyone you know my clients were all
1:27:50like oh good for you you know you're
1:27:52going after your dream they'd see my
1:27:53blank kid in my pillow in the corner of
1:27:55the gym and they knew I was sleeping
1:27:56there and it was evident you know I I
1:27:59lived there um I didn't have a shower
1:28:01didn't have a shower to go to the YMCA
1:28:03to go shower um and that everybody was
1:28:06like Pro me and then people would come
1:28:07in they sign up like I'm gonna I'm going
1:28:09to support you right and then within
1:28:11nine months I had hired people and I had
1:28:13a manager and I pulled up and I remember
1:28:16I walked in the lobby and all the same
1:28:19the same people were like ah boss man's
1:28:22here oh you're you're not too good for
1:28:23us now right and I remember being so
1:28:27Jarred by the experience and I was like
1:28:30you guys rooted for me and I was like
1:28:33and now I I did what you said you were
1:28:36rooting for me to do and that was when I
1:28:38realized that people want you to do well
1:28:40but not better than
1:28:42them
1:28:44and I was like I had gone from Underdog
1:28:46to the man and I was like when does that
1:28:49happen and the litmus test of when it
1:28:51happens is depends on who the person is
1:28:53cuz for the person who was working at my
1:28:55gym who you know was was a janitor or a
1:28:57cleaner it happened really quick right
1:28:59for the people who were more successful
1:29:01uh it took longer and then you know the
1:29:04only people at the end who would still
1:29:05root for me were the business owners who
1:29:06were doing way better than me right who
1:29:08were still members of my gym and so that
1:29:11was a really interesting experience that
1:29:13happened when I was 23 and that was the
1:29:15first time I went from Underdog to the
1:29:17person that someone would want to attack
1:29:20but I had a performance coach tell me
1:29:22this he said
1:29:25hatred
1:29:26isn't isn't something you avoid he said
1:29:29it is a requisite for Success he said if
1:29:32you get no hate you are not
1:29:35successful and for some reason that just
1:29:37like really stuck with me because then
1:29:38it just like rather than it being this
1:29:40thing that I was trying to avoid it
1:29:41actually became a leading indicator or
1:29:43an indicator that I was on the right
1:29:45path in achieving things and so I think
1:29:48that's why I mean I I I don't want to I
1:29:50don't want to toot horns or anything um
1:29:52but in terms of like
1:29:54my ability to deal with the naysayers
1:29:57and things like that I feel like I'm
1:29:58pretty good at it like it doesn't really
1:30:00bug me very much um and I think in large
1:30:03part it was because of how it's framed
1:30:04at least how you know in this discussion
1:30:06how it was framed for me early on which
1:30:09is that no one hates you from
1:30:11above and even you know even when I
1:30:14think back about like the bullies and
1:30:15whatnot that you had earlier like even
1:30:18in Middle School like there were things
1:30:21that I had that were going for me that I
1:30:24couldn't recognize because of course
1:30:25everything that comes easy to you are
1:30:26things that they're easy to you so you
1:30:28don't think that they're you know new or
1:30:30interesting or or or cool and but like
1:30:33at the same time I was like i' Advanced
1:30:36a grade in multiple in multiple subjects
1:30:38I had you know straight A I worked
1:30:40really hard I was in shape right and I
1:30:42but I had these people who would hate
1:30:44but I I you know you internalize it but
1:30:46like now I can look back and be like
1:30:48it's kind of like the the parents who
1:30:49are like it's because she's into you
1:30:52right no it might not be say that way
1:30:54but but just thinking about it as an
1:30:57indicator that the hate is actually the
1:31:01light that you're on the right path we
1:31:05spoke about this last time
1:31:09that nothing is going to be worthwhile
1:31:12that doesn't come with an Associated
1:31:14amount of discomfort therefore when you
1:31:18start to feel friends around you and the
1:31:22people that you used to be able to speak
1:31:24common language
1:31:25with start to push back and start to
1:31:28make the quips of oh not drinking
1:31:31tonight yeah oh you must be too cool for
1:31:33us
1:31:34now I know it hurts I know it
1:31:37hurts that is the lead indicator not
1:31:40even the lagging indicator that is the
1:31:41lead indicator that you are doing the
1:31:43right thing and a lot of people listen
1:31:45to this podcast I get messages from
1:31:46people like hey man I'm a 22-year-old
1:31:48rugby player from the northwest of of
1:31:51the UK I live in Cumbria none of my
1:31:53friends uh understand me I want to do
1:31:55personal growth I don't want to live in
1:31:56the UK uh and when I listen to Modern
1:31:58WIS I fear less alone and it it it
1:32:00makes me tear up because I'm like
1:32:02like I see me in that person I see me in
1:32:06that
1:32:08and the it's so hard to reframe
1:32:12it the push back you are getting is the
1:32:15indicator that you are doing the right
1:32:17thing it is and if you can
1:32:22reframe the distaste that you get from
1:32:25other people as the same as that because
1:32:29they're projecting the things that they
1:32:30know they should be doing that you are
1:32:32doing that they're not
1:32:34doing and you remind them of that and so
1:32:37it's that it's even so even though the
1:32:39mountain that you're climbing is
1:32:40actually a smaller one than the one that
1:32:42you ultimately want to climb you're
1:32:43actually at the top of their mountain
1:32:45and so they start tearing you down so
1:32:47like that's where the the Underdog Story
1:32:49that we said at the very beginning of
1:32:49this with the quote which is like on the
1:32:51way up they root for you and then when
1:32:53you're at the top they trying to tear
1:32:54you down because you remind them of the
1:32:55dreams that they couldn't accomplish
1:32:56right and so you quitting drinking or
1:32:59you staying in to work on your side
1:33:00hustle or your project or the business
1:33:02that you want to launch the
1:33:03podcast that might be you might be at
1:33:06the top of their mountain and so they
1:33:08are tearing you down because now you
1:33:10remind them that they haven't done it
1:33:12and it's purely a projection of them
1:33:13onto you and it has nothing to do with
1:33:15you and
1:33:17that I hope that that Comforts someone
1:33:20because what you said I think is like if
1:33:22you're going through that right now and
1:33:23like and I promise you every single
1:33:25person who wants to do something with
1:33:27their life and has done something with
1:33:28their life has gone through the exact
1:33:30chapter that you're going through and
1:33:32it's the lonely chapter it's the chapter
1:33:34where you you're you don't fit in with
1:33:36your own friends but you don't have the
1:33:38outcomes yet to fit into a new group of
1:33:39friends and you're doing this thing
1:33:41you're consuming content on the internet
1:33:42you're you're doing these free tutorials
1:33:44online to try and figure out how to set
1:33:45up a podcast and where do I host this
1:33:47thing and then there and and and you're
1:33:49going through this and you're like am I
1:33:50is this even worth it because you have
1:33:52no signs of success right but if there's
1:33:54anything that you can take away from
1:33:55what we're saying right now is that the
1:33:57sign of success is the hate that you get
1:34:00along the way and what you can't do is
1:34:02bend the knee to their hate and fit back
1:34:04into the Conformity because it's
1:34:06comfortable and it's warm because like
1:34:08in The Matrix when Trinity opens the
1:34:10door when when Neo's about to go take
1:34:12the red pill and he wants to get out of
1:34:14the car she says Neo you've been down
1:34:16that road and you know exactly where it
1:34:18leads and I know that's not where you
1:34:20want to be and then he closes the door
1:34:23like right now now this moment that
1:34:25you're going through is Trinity opening
1:34:26the door and being like you could go
1:34:28back but then you'd have to remember
1:34:30exactly what the reason was that you
1:34:32decided not to go out to begin with just
1:34:33because you listen to this podcast and
1:34:34you consume this content you're like I
1:34:36can do more than this like
1:34:38because you are starting to live in some
1:34:39of that hell where you look in the
1:34:40mirror and you're like I can do more and
1:34:42you start to see the person that you
1:34:43could be and you're like this does start
1:34:45to feel like hell the reason that it's
1:34:47uncomfortable and the reason that I do
1:34:51have sympathy for the people that see
1:34:53this is is ignorance in some regards is
1:34:56bliss as soon as you begin to posit an
1:34:58ideal yeah you then begin to compare
1:35:00yourself to that ideal yeah and the Gap
1:35:03in potential between you and the person
1:35:05that you could have been begins to get
1:35:07more stuck and even the slightest
1:35:10glimmer of wow I can I can read a book
1:35:15or follow a course or listen to a
1:35:17podcast and then work really really hard
1:35:19on one thing and change the
1:35:22thermodynamics of my mind change the
1:35:24texture of my own existence dayto day
1:35:27because I worked at a thing and now I
1:35:29understand nutrition you I know Kung Fu
1:35:31like I I understand nutrition or I can I
1:35:35understand how to sleep well okay as
1:35:37soon as you know that sleep is important
1:35:39and what you need to do to do it every
1:35:41single night of bad sleep that you have
1:35:42is on you yeah yeah because before you
1:35:45had the excuse that you're ignorant yeah
1:35:46and guess what now you're
1:35:49done every worthwhile goal is worthwhile
1:35:54because it has a cost associated with it
1:35:56and so the cost that you're going
1:35:58through is what makes the goal
1:36:00worthwhile to begin with because if what
1:36:01you are were setting out to do were
1:36:04immediately available to you then it
1:36:06would mean it would be immediately
1:36:07available to everyone which means it
1:36:08wouldn't be worthwhile so the very fact
1:36:10that it's difficult is why it is worth
1:36:12doing and so like we can't resent the
1:36:15price tag of the shoes that we want to
1:36:17buy we just have to make the decision of
1:36:19whether or not we want to pay
1:36:20it there's another real blow you don't
1:36:24get very touchy feely with with like you
1:36:27know I live in Austin now so I'm like in
1:36:28in the Psychedelic Mecca of the United
1:36:30States and people talk a lot about
1:36:33like trauma and and and Improvement and
1:36:36stuff like that selflove is holding
1:36:39yourself to a higher standard than
1:36:41anyone else does that's really
1:36:44interesting to
1:36:47me I think it's believing in the
1:36:4985-year-old version of you who's exactly
1:36:52who you want to be and
1:36:55then
1:36:57ruthlessly looking at the discrepancy
1:36:59between the the pittance of a human that
1:37:02you are now compared to that man or that
1:37:04woman and then step by step breaking
1:37:07down the many differences and starting
1:37:08on the first one and pulling the
1:37:10thread I love the idea that you know
1:37:14truth Tru self-love a lot of the time is
1:37:17wrapped in
1:37:18acceptance and uh a degree of belonging
1:37:21I reject this entirely I just want want
1:37:23to I just want to throw it out there
1:37:25that doesn't surprise
1:37:26me the idea that self-love is holding
1:37:30yourself to a higher standard than
1:37:32anyone else
1:37:33does you believing in you more than
1:37:38anybody else
1:37:40does is such a first principal way of
1:37:43looking at self-love okay
1:37:46so I'm supposed to love myself I'm
1:37:50supposed to support myself and be my
1:37:52biggest fan
1:37:54but I don't have the most belief in me
1:37:58so I'm supposed to have self-love but I
1:38:01cap my own
1:38:03potential have so many
1:38:07thoughts so right off the bat even the
1:38:11concept of fan was something that I I if
1:38:13I was if if I was talking to 2013 2012
1:38:15Alex I would have rejected that notion
1:38:17not like the the concept of even being a
1:38:19fan of myself was so foreign to me it
1:38:21wouldn't been real to me and so I'll
1:38:22tell you what that
1:38:24internalized which was that I didn't
1:38:27need to deserve success but I could
1:38:29still have it if I did the things that
1:38:30created success and so it felt like a
1:38:32cheat code where I was like I can
1:38:33actually be a shitty person and horrible
1:38:35and suck at everything but if I still
1:38:37work out and I still eat this way I can
1:38:39still look this way even though I don't
1:38:41deserve it and that was like the first
1:38:43it actually felt like I was like and for
1:38:45anybody who hates themselves you can
1:38:46hear me um that was like my first big
1:38:49shade my first Solace my first foothold
1:38:52that I started getting on successful was
1:38:53that I didn't need to deserve it I could
1:38:55still have it anyways and that was like
1:38:57very empowering for
1:38:59me the other thing that you said about
1:39:02acceptance so there's this big movement
1:39:05around self-acceptance and I want to say
1:39:06that I wholeheartedly reject
1:39:08it
1:39:11I you accept outcomes and you accept
1:39:15circumstances you accept the fact that
1:39:17you were dealt whatever hand you were
1:39:19dealt you accept that you're 58 you
1:39:20accept that you're black you accept that
1:39:21you're a woman that's accepting you
1:39:23trying to rebel against that is you
1:39:24trying to fight the universe and the
1:39:25universe is going to win every time but
1:39:27in terms of you framing acceptance as
1:39:29saying
1:39:31that I am comfortable with who I am and
1:39:33I cannot be better and I must be
1:39:35satisfied with
1:39:36that is the biggest
1:39:38embodiment a failure that I can imagine
1:39:42is that it's almost it's almost it's
1:39:44almost egotistical to say that there's a
1:39:48difference between saying I am good
1:39:49enough and I am
1:39:51good so you could say I good enough for
1:39:54my current state based on the work that
1:39:55I've put into it but I could be better
1:39:58and so
1:39:59like you can accept that the work that
1:40:01you have done has created the outcome
1:40:03that you've created but you do not need
1:40:05to accept that the outcome that you've
1:40:07created is the end all be and the last
1:40:09outcome that you need to need to have
1:40:10and so for me like the only version of
1:40:13acceptance that I have is that I accept
1:40:16that the version of myself that I want
1:40:18to be is is so far from who I am that I
1:40:21have this massive discrepancy that I
1:40:23have to overcome and then just breaking
1:40:26that down one step at a time and
1:40:27thinking I don't I don't deserve to be
1:40:30that man but I can still do the things
1:40:34that can create it and it also means
1:40:35that I have to go through the
1:40:37circumstances that that would create
1:40:38that man which means that if I have
1:40:40unbelievable Big Dreams and big goals
1:40:42then I have to go through hard times
1:40:44it's like hate the hard times are a
1:40:47requisite for success and so if you're
1:40:49going through hard times right now it
1:40:51means that you're on the path to success
1:40:53and it's not that you're on the wrong
1:40:54path it's the feeling of being on the
1:40:56right path and one of the things that I
1:40:57talk with with the CEOs in our portfolio
1:40:59company and I'm I'm going to bring it
1:41:02back one of our companies they were
1:41:05struggling with growth big company and
1:41:08he was like I honestly the issue that I
1:41:09have right now he's like I I don't know
1:41:11how many locations I can open every
1:41:12month he's like based on the Casual
1:41:14that's coming in and out and I was like
1:41:15this is kind of like the Morpheus free
1:41:16FR and I was like I need you to freeze
1:41:18this moment I was like the feeling that
1:41:19you have right now is that you are
1:41:21missing a finance function is that they
1:41:23didn't have a good Finance leader and
1:41:24you're like why is this relative to what
1:41:26we're talking about I'll bring it back
1:41:28which is that if it's the first time
1:41:30you're going through it you can't
1:41:31recognize the science because you don't
1:41:33have anything to compare it to and so
1:41:35hopefully listening to this podcast and
1:41:36listening to other people not just you
1:41:38know not me and Chris but like other
1:41:39people who are even even more successful
1:41:41whatever they can at least tell you what
1:41:43it tastes like they can tell you what
1:41:45the room looks like they can tell you
1:41:46what the temperature feels like they can
1:41:47tell you what it feels like in their
1:41:48body so that when you are going through
1:41:49it you can say okay I haven't been here
1:41:51before but this sounds like ALU K this
1:41:54sounds like a missing finance and that's
1:41:56why having like and if you're in an
1:41:58early on stages and and and and you're
1:41:59going through the like you're going
1:42:01You're consuming the free content and
1:42:02stuff it's like use this because the
1:42:03most valuable thing you can get is the
1:42:05context of what the experience feels
1:42:07like when you're going through it so
1:42:09someone can describe to you their
1:42:10experience so that you can relate it to
1:42:11your present and be like okay I'm on the
1:42:13right path yeah it's the feeling of
1:42:15loneliness and uncertainty hang on what
1:42:18if this what if this is a sign that I'm
1:42:21not supposed to be here what if this is
1:42:22a sign that I'm doing it wrong right and
1:42:25relinquishing
1:42:26that the if there was a big meta
1:42:29indicator that you're doing the right
1:42:30thing doing what everyone isn't doing is
1:42:32already probably the big the single
1:42:34biggest indicator that you're doing the
1:42:35right thing like it's it's the if if if
1:42:37I could wish nothing else on my child
1:42:39whenever I choose to have them in the
1:42:40future is that they have high agency
1:42:43which is that they are they make
1:42:45decisions independent from the opinions
1:42:47of other people and when we hear words
1:42:49like authentic and original and things
1:42:50like that it's because the person starts
1:42:52at squ one and says well what do I want
1:42:55and then they start building from there
1:42:56I had a conversation with one of my one
1:42:57of my teammates um who runs our my
1:43:00LinkedIn and he said you know Alex it's
1:43:02easy for you to always always a really
1:43:07great start great way to
1:43:08trigger really good
1:43:12please tell me more why do you go on he
1:43:16said it's it's easy for you Alex to
1:43:18create this personal brand he's like you
1:43:20have so many interesting things about
1:43:22you he's like you dress a certain way
1:43:23you act a certain way and he said it's
1:43:25different than everyone else does
1:43:27right and I
1:43:30said I don't think that's true I think
1:43:33that everyone has a personal brand that
1:43:35is unique and different but everyone
1:43:38doesn't look that way because they
1:43:39conform to what what they think everyone
1:43:42else wants them to look like and so the
1:43:44fact that they are boring and they
1:43:46resent the fact that they're boring is
1:43:48because they are living out reflections
1:43:51of what what they think everyone else
1:43:53wants them to do and so all you have to
1:43:55do is start at Square zero and be like
1:43:56what do I want CU I realized after I got
1:43:59out of gym launch that I mean I dressed
1:44:01a certain way for gym launch because I
1:44:02was the head of an entire community of
1:44:04gyms and it made sense for me to dress
1:44:05that way because I needed to I needed to
1:44:07look that part right but when I was at
1:44:10Ground Zero and I was like okay what do
1:44:12I want and I thought about it for a long
1:44:14time and I was like well what would
1:44:1685-year-old me wear I was like
1:44:1885-year-old me would wear probably the
1:44:20most functional thing he could wear cuz
1:44:21he just doesn't care what hiso look like
1:44:23he doesn't care what his shirt looks
1:44:24like he just wants to be comfortable and
1:44:26so I just started trying all the things
1:44:28that I could possibly imagine for shoes
1:44:29shorts hats whatever to find the thing
1:44:31that I was like you know what this is
1:44:33the most comfortable and this allows me
1:44:34to do the most things in the most rooms
1:44:36without changing and so people then are
1:44:38like man that's so unique but it it was
1:44:40actually just saying if I were to if
1:44:42everyone was gone from existence what
1:44:44would I do what would my work be right
1:44:47how would I dress who would I date
1:44:49that's a real one who would I date if no
1:44:51one else told me what they thought about
1:44:52it
1:44:53maybe someone different than you're
1:44:54dating right now and if the person that
1:44:56you would want to date isn't the person
1:44:58you're dating right now and the person
1:44:59that you would want to date would never
1:45:00date you then maybe rather than dating
1:45:03these mediocre mollies or mediocre
1:45:07mats you take the period of time you go
1:45:10on the untrodden path you have people
1:45:12reject you and say oh you're not coming
1:45:13out tonight you're going to the gym
1:45:14again right oh I can't eat with us right
1:45:16she's on a she's on a diet again how
1:45:19long you going to stick with this one
1:45:20right because the thing is is that the
1:45:22stick to it it must itself is something
1:45:24that you work on because if you started
1:45:25diets and you failed you started working
1:45:26out and you failed if you just make it
1:45:28longer every time before you fail you're
1:45:30still making progress and you're still
1:45:31doing something that everyone else isn't
1:45:33doing yeah and that is the biggest meta
1:45:35indicator that you possibly can is if if
1:45:38because everyone sucks like so many
1:45:42people are mediocre like half of the
1:45:43United States is in debt they don't even
1:45:45have a do like they they're they're
1:45:46negative net worth and so like just
1:45:50saying different than that like the bar
1:45:53isn't High we talked about this dude go
1:45:55for it I know I know go for it the bar
1:45:57has never been set lower to separate
1:45:59yourself out from the pack never being
1:46:01set lower and this is for you know the
1:46:03black pill internet what black pill by
1:46:06the way it is supposed to be One Step
1:46:09Beyond The Red Pill to see that life and
1:46:11dating largely for men is there's an
1:46:14uncomfortable reality that if you aren't
1:46:17blessed with the right physical
1:46:19attractiveness status or money uh LSM
1:46:22looks LM mess looks money status if you
1:46:24don't have the right prerequisites
1:46:25you're you're basically doomed you're a
1:46:27genetic dead end and eat um yeah is
1:46:30that a bad thing according to them I so
1:46:34okay I'm gon I'm gonna zoom out real
1:46:35quick and I I know I know we're gonna go
1:46:37on this so if we're looking at a species
1:46:41right let's look at deer right A lot of
1:46:42people have deer in their backyard right
1:46:45well what is natural is that one Buck
1:46:49inseminates 50 D and he competes with
1:46:53all the other deer and the reason for
1:46:55that is because then it actually allows
1:46:57the quote Best genes to proliferate now
1:46:59best is determined by what actually
1:47:02continues continues on getting
1:47:03perilously close to Eugenics here Alex
1:47:06well I'm just talking about I'm just
1:47:07talking about deer right I'm just
1:47:09talking about deer if anyone I'm just
1:47:11talking about deer I'm not saying this
1:47:12is what it should be but the the the
1:47:14point that that I wanted to make was not
1:47:16I think where everyone thinks I'm going
1:47:17with this which is that a lot of the you
1:47:20know the black whatever you just said
1:47:21right black pill um I would imagine are
1:47:24casting an expectation on the universe
1:47:25that it shouldn't be this way why not
1:47:29and this is exactly like the hater who
1:47:31says you're not going to amount to
1:47:33anything and the reason it hurts is
1:47:34because you're like what if they're
1:47:35right and then like staring at the
1:47:37mirror with that question of like what
1:47:39if they're right what if I am out of
1:47:40shape what like because the thing is is
1:47:42that like in order to be the top quote
1:47:441% or even the top 10% shoot or even
1:47:47just above average right you just need
1:47:49to not be overweight dude the ball you
1:47:52need to not be overweight weight right
1:47:53you need to be gainfully
1:47:55employed the bar is so low the bar is so
1:47:59unbelievably low uh I got this idea I
1:48:02got to I got to teach you about uh the
1:48:04alpha history fantasy right modern men
1:48:06who are angry at a world they feel has
1:48:08rejected them mistakenly believe that
1:48:10they would have somehow done better in
1:48:11medieval times they are adamant that the
1:48:13chance of them being genas Khan is
1:48:15greater than the chance of them being
1:48:16Canon fod a peasant number 1, 373,000
1:48:19whose flla was sacked and destroyed and
1:48:23it's this wistfulness for the past and
1:48:25dude I get it like if you feel lost and
1:48:27alone and like nobody understands you
1:48:28and like you've been forgotten and
1:48:30things shouldn't be this way guess what
1:48:32they've always been this way and right
1:48:34now the bar has never been set lower if
1:48:38you have the opportunity to sit down and
1:48:40listen to me and Alex waffle on for
1:48:42three and a half hours you have the
1:48:45capacity the conscientiousness the
1:48:47wherewithal to be able to go out
1:48:49tomorrow and take one thing that you've
1:48:52hit from
1:48:53today this is this is something that I
1:48:55wanted to get on to which which I think
1:48:56is important which is sorry avoiding the
1:48:59mental masturbation you know we can do
1:49:00this thing and and like speed
1:49:05quotes Into The Ether and like a like an
1:49:09Uzi right just unloading all of these
1:49:12different things and I think that a lot
1:49:13of people feel uh a general overwhelm of
1:49:16indexing of information and oh my God
1:49:17I'm I'm learning all of this stuff and I
1:49:19don't feel like I'm making any progress
1:49:21and I really wanted to try and cut
1:49:22through this at some point in the
1:49:23conversation today as well which is Tim
1:49:26Ferris has an idea called the good
1:49:28sticks okay I when I first started out
1:49:32on this journey of personal growth felt
1:49:35guilty because I didn't have a perfectly
1:49:37curated Evernote external brain with
1:49:40nested folders and all of my book
1:49:42summaries and I was supposed to keep all
1:49:44of this thing and how am I going to
1:49:45remember it and blah blah blah five and
1:49:47a bit years later people come up to me
1:49:49and ask one of the most common questions
1:49:51I get asked is how the do you
1:49:52remember all of the things that you
1:49:54remember two things first off I don't
1:49:57remember anything that I don't care
1:49:58about and the second thing massive
1:50:00amounts of exposure those are the only
1:50:02two things that are going on I've done
1:50:04670 podcasts in five years for hours and
1:50:10all of the reading I had to do
1:50:11beforehand and all of the listening I
1:50:12had to do beforehand as well and I
1:50:14didn't stress myself about what I had to
1:50:16remember so if you listen to this three
1:50:19and a bit Hour
1:50:20podcast and you go they talked they said
1:50:23a lot of words there Alex said a lot of
1:50:25words Chris said a lot of words what's
1:50:27the one thing that you couldn't stop
1:50:29thinking about and there may be nothing
1:50:30fair play we
1:50:33failed if there's one thing that you
1:50:35can't stop thinking about that story
1:50:37about the kid from Cumbria that time
1:50:39when Alex had to drive across the
1:50:40country that's the thing that is the
1:50:43thing and allowing yourself
1:50:46to naturally select whatever the most
1:50:49important learning is from the content
1:50:51that you consume
1:50:53is the best way to work out what what is
1:50:55going to resonate and it's the best way
1:50:56to act on it as well if you can't stop
1:50:58thinking about it when you go to bed
1:50:59tonight and you can't stop telling your
1:51:01friends about it in the morning and
1:51:02you've clipped it from this podcast or
1:51:04any other podcast or any other book or
1:51:06whatever whatever the thing is that you
1:51:07keep sending photos of and you keep on
1:51:08reciting to people and you try and tell
1:51:10your mom about it and she doesn't
1:51:11care that is the thing that you need to
1:51:15work on and you don't need to do if you
1:51:18take half a thing from this podcast or
1:51:19any other podcast that and you work on
1:51:21it for a month
1:51:23you have made so much progress and do
1:51:26you understand how blessed you are to
1:51:29have this opportunity you could have
1:51:30been born in the Middle Ages before the
1:51:32Gutenberg printing press when they
1:51:34wouldn't even give you the Bible in the
1:51:35common language so that you had to go
1:51:37through the priest to be able to have a
1:51:38relationship with God right now you can
1:51:40search for whatever it is that you're
1:51:41dealing with find the greatest Minds on
1:51:43the planet listen to them and then the
1:51:45next day implement it and you move not
1:51:48only yourself but you move the world
1:51:49around you you get to nudge yourself and
1:51:53the rest of the world in a direction
1:51:55that you want to go and you get to feel
1:51:57proud about it and it's within your
1:52:00control you have never been more
1:52:05blessed there's a there's a quote that I
1:52:07want to that I want to hit here that I
1:52:08think would be relevant to we were just
1:52:10talking about with the people who were
1:52:12sad and alone and one of the one of the
1:52:15biggest breakthroughs that I had from a
1:52:17from a mental perspective was actually
1:52:18defining emotions for what they are
1:52:21operationally so sad sness comes from a
1:52:24lack of options or rather a lack of
1:52:26perceived options and that's why it
1:52:28feels like hopelessness because you
1:52:29don't know what to do when I realized
1:52:32that sadness meant that I didn't know it
1:52:34to do it meant that another way that I
1:52:36could Define sadness was ignorance and
1:52:38that is solvable and so whenever I feel
1:52:41sad now it's been my trigger to
1:52:43immediately think what do I not know
1:52:46what option do I not see because the
1:52:49opposite of that is anxiety which is you
1:52:51have many options and you have few
1:52:53priorities looks you have many paths
1:52:55that you could presume you just don't
1:52:56know which one and so being able to
1:52:59operationalize what these emotions felt
1:53:01like so if you feel sad it just means
1:53:03that you need to go learn more and that
1:53:05you can do and then all of a sudden the
1:53:07learning more becomes the option and
1:53:08then you don't need to feel sad anymore
1:53:10and that was like one of the biggest
1:53:11breakthroughs from my like mental health
1:53:13or whatever you want to call it mindset
1:53:15um that Set Me Free and I've taken a lot
1:53:18of effort to try and operationalize
1:53:21emotions so that I can
1:53:23either get out of them or lean into them
1:53:25so like patience for example right I'm
1:53:26only bringing this up because I think it
1:53:27might be relevant to some people is that
1:53:30most goals are attainable if you expand
1:53:32the time Horizon even enormous ones like
1:53:34you can do anything in 10 years you
1:53:35could walk to the Moon you could do
1:53:36there you go you can do anything and so
1:53:39for me I am I would say a naturally
1:53:41impatient person like I tend to want
1:53:43things immediately now and you know what
1:53:45you probably are too but once I def find
1:53:48patience as figuring out what to do in
1:53:51the meantime it allowed me to control
1:53:54what I did because now like you and I
1:53:56are being patient for your stock
1:53:59Investments right now as we're on this
1:54:01podcast we're being patient for that
1:54:02because we're doing things in the
1:54:03meantime and so whenever I felt
1:54:07impatient and wanted to change course I
1:54:09had to just redefine what do I need to
1:54:11do today and if you are sad and
1:54:13impatient then it means that right now
1:54:15you need to learn what the option is
1:54:16that you need to go pursue and then that
1:54:18makes it very much under your control
1:54:20and so step by step each of these
1:54:22emotions over time I spent a lot of time
1:54:23trying to Define them out so that they
1:54:25no longer control me and I know how to
1:54:27solve them and then and then now it just
1:54:29becomes a faster and faster muscle like
1:54:30oh I feel anxiety that means that I have
1:54:32many options that I don't have
1:54:33priorities okay what's my priority and
1:54:35then all of a sudden what used to take
1:54:37days of anxiety and feeling this you
1:54:39know frog in my throat was just oh I
1:54:42need to make a list of all the things
1:54:43that I'm looking at which one's the most
1:54:45important ignore the rest and then I'm
1:54:48good and what you just take days takes
1:54:50minutes one of yours is
1:54:53choosing the plan isn't
1:54:55hard doing the plan isn't hard sticking
1:54:58to the plan is hard Charlie Monger
1:55:01said the money isn't made in the buy and
1:55:04it's not made in the sell it's made in
1:55:06the
1:55:07weight and that that like I just feel
1:55:10like that's such an elegant way of
1:55:11thinking about it it's like the hard
1:55:12part about the plan is sticking to the
1:55:14plan like the plan wasn't bad your first
1:55:16plan was good because it's easy to go
1:55:18say I'm going to work out three days a
1:55:20week for the next year
1:55:22and it's a good plan good plan it's a
1:55:24pretty good plan and the interesting
1:55:26thing is that
1:55:27like a mediocre plan that's stuck to
1:55:30always outperforms an amazing and
1:55:32perfect plan that you never stick with
1:55:33to begin with and I know this obviously
1:55:35from the fix Fitness world but applies
1:55:36to everything and so like the stick to
1:55:39it muscle is the one that you have to
1:55:41flex and that's why like if you're going
1:55:43through things you have especially in
1:55:44the earlier days like I remember I used
1:55:45to start and stop and start and stop and
1:55:46I try this thing I try that thing it's
1:55:48normal because you haven't you haven't
1:55:50been reinforced enough of s with
1:55:52something right but the thing is it's
1:55:54like you have to stick it out long
1:55:55enough that you get that first carrot
1:55:57you get that first cookie and then all
1:55:58of a sudden everything that you did to
1:56:00get there you're like oh more of that
1:56:02will get me more cookies and that's and
1:56:04and then and then it just becomes this
1:56:05self-perpetuating cycle and then you get
1:56:07addicted to working yes and and and and
1:56:09then you do a launch to 500,000 people
1:56:12and you lock yourself in a closet six
1:56:13hours a day for two years yeah that's
1:56:15exactly that because I've been rewarded
1:56:17in the past because the first time I
1:56:18actually spent a lot of time on a
1:56:20presentation and I felt good when I
1:56:22walked on stage and didn't feel anxiety
1:56:23I was like oh I want this every time
1:56:25yeah and then I had this the second
1:56:27thought which is the much scarier
1:56:28thought which is now I have to do this
1:56:30every time this is the new bar this is
1:56:33the new bar I want to round out
1:56:35something on that sort of black pill
1:56:38side which is if you listen to this and
1:56:42you think must be nice or easy for you
1:56:45to say I get it like I I get it and if
1:56:49you feel like there is something
1:56:54that you can't get over some
1:56:57genetic societal cultural defect that
1:57:00means that you do not have the same
1:57:02ceiling that you think that you should
1:57:05or that other people appear to have I
1:57:07get it and the question I would ask is
1:57:09what do you want like do you want
1:57:10sympathy because I will happily give you
1:57:11sympathy I know what it feels like to be
1:57:13someone that has no belief in themselves
1:57:15and that believes that you are
1:57:16fundamentally a loser and that nothing
1:57:18is going to come to you and that you
1:57:19deserve for nothing to come to you I
1:57:21understand what that feels like
1:57:23but what does that mindset get you like
1:57:25fundamentally what does that mindset
1:57:27give you okay so let's say let's say
1:57:29that you have been dealt as difficult of
1:57:32a hand as
1:57:35possible and yeah and to quote you to
1:57:40you I can promise you that there is
1:57:42someone who has had it worse and has
1:57:44done it better I put this clip out a
1:57:47while ago this like just random talking
1:57:49about a morning routine thing it was
1:57:50pretty basic but it went
1:57:52Interstellar and the real internet got a
1:57:54hold of it you know like not your fans
1:57:55but like the real internet like the
1:57:57general public internet got a hold of it
1:57:59the most common comment was something
1:58:02along the lines of tell me you don't
1:58:04have kids without telling me that you
1:58:05don't have kids which is must be easy
1:58:07for you to say I have a daughter to get
1:58:08in the get up in the morning I'm like
1:58:10okay tell me what that mindset gets you
1:58:12genuinely tell me what that mindset gets
1:58:13you it says I'm in a situation which I
1:58:16cannot get over and there are things in
1:58:19reality imposed on me which stop me from
1:58:21doing something there is somebody out
1:58:23there who has three times as many kids
1:58:25as you and they still do it so what is
1:58:27it that they've got like what is it that
1:58:29they're doing have they got an unfair
1:58:30Advantage what is it tell
1:58:32me it's also if you take down if you
1:58:36walk down the natural logic of that
1:58:39statement who do you blame if you're
1:58:42saying must be nice or tell me tell me
1:58:44that you don't have kids without telling
1:58:45me that you don't have kids then does
1:58:47that mean that you blame your child for
1:58:51all the things that you don't have in
1:58:52life it's a tough tough weight to put on
1:58:55a kid because I mean I would hope that
1:58:57they don't see that comment because then
1:58:59they'd be like wait mom dad like you
1:59:01didn't live out your dreams because I
1:59:04exist tough another one here a sequence
1:59:08actually that I love you don't have to
1:59:11feel good about it you just have to keep
1:59:13going the feeling will pass but you will
1:59:16remain you are greater than your
1:59:19feelings going to bed late and waking up
1:59:21early to work for a few days won't kill
1:59:23you you're not going to burn out you're
1:59:25doing what it takes if you're one of
1:59:27those people that push work life balance
1:59:30just remember the people who like
1:59:31working a lot don't care I've never
1:59:34regretted trying harder at anything ever
1:59:38hard times last long but an epic story
1:59:40feels like a
1:59:43lifetime nailed it yeah I just
1:59:47think when I look at you in particular
1:59:51and I I realize this during our second
1:59:53conversation at the start of this year
1:59:56the reason that people get confused
1:59:58about your motivation and your workload
2:00:01is that they don't realize that the
2:00:03thing you do for work is the thing that
2:00:04you do for fun that's the fundamental
2:00:06misunderstanding that people
2:00:08have and because of that you're prepared
2:00:11to work hard and working hard doesn't
2:00:14feel like wasted time lots of people
2:00:17associate working hard with not making
2:00:19progress therefore working feels
2:00:23wasting so the idea that working hard
2:00:28doesn't make progress is one of the
2:00:29biggest farces that exists in humanity
2:00:32because at the end of the day whatever
2:00:33you amount to isn't going to matter
2:00:34anyways right and so if there is
2:00:36anything that's Eternal for us at least
2:00:38as individuals it's going to be who we
2:00:40become in the process and so one of my
2:00:41favorite quotes is the work works on you
2:00:44more than you work on it and so if you
2:00:47want to be the best in the world at
2:00:48something you do the work to become the
2:00:51best in the world and the work works on
2:00:53you and so I mean there's a there's a a
2:00:55Biblical proverb I think it says like um
2:00:57there is there is profit in all
2:01:01labor and that means that even if the
2:01:05thing that you're working on right now
2:01:06doesn't amount to the outcome that you
2:01:08expected that it would it doesn't mean
2:01:10that you don't become better through
2:01:12doing it and so I'll give you a very
2:01:15real example so I spent five years
2:01:19building a chain of gyms so I had six
2:01:21locations
2:01:22and after that I sold five of them I
2:01:25shut one down and then I transitioned to
2:01:27doing
2:01:28turnouts in the transition between
2:01:30shutting my gyms down I got a big payday
2:01:33because I sold my five gyms big for me
2:01:35relative I took all that money and I put
2:01:37it into the next thing the partner that
2:01:39I had in that next thing ended up taking
2:01:42the money and disappearing filing
2:01:44bankruptcy and sending it to his
2:01:46girlfriend in Sweden I couldn't make
2:01:47this up so there's no way I could get
2:01:49the money back and he had filed
2:01:50bankruptcies there's no there's no
2:01:51course of action for
2:01:53lawsuit and so a lot of people would
2:01:56probably go through that mental
2:01:57situation and think and I went through
2:01:59this was thinking I just wasted the last
2:02:02five years like I literally started a
2:02:04chain built like put everything into the
2:02:06second location put everything in the
2:02:07Third location the fourth location it
2:02:08kept kept going right I kept doubling
2:02:09down and then I get my big pay in I put
2:02:10it all all on black and then it
2:02:12disappears with one spin of the roulette
2:02:15and so here I am and I'm like I have
2:02:16nothing to show for The Last 5 Years of
2:02:20work but in the next 12 months I made
2:02:23more money than I'd ever made in my
2:02:25entire life up to that point the five
2:02:27years I made I made the I made more
2:02:30profit the next 12 months than I made in
2:02:31the last five years times like five and
2:02:34it was because and this is only I was
2:02:36only able to real realize this in
2:02:37retrospect which is why I'm sharing it
2:02:39which is
2:02:41that the thing that was the outcome of
2:02:43those five years was me and the skills
2:02:45and the experiences that I possess
2:02:47through going through it and so whatever
2:02:48the next Mountain that you're trying to
2:02:50climb is of course it's going to be be
2:02:51higher but it's going to require you to
2:02:53go through the smaller mountains to get
2:02:55to that point because the more able you
2:02:57are the more able you realize you can
2:02:59become and you will get way bigger
2:03:02outcomes from the things that you have
2:03:04like the path that led you here then
2:03:06than
2:03:07you then you think you can and
2:03:11so that's why since that moment where I
2:03:14lost everything and then I was able to
2:03:16make more in the next 12 months I
2:03:18realized that no work is wasted because
2:03:20I am the output of the work not the
2:03:23outcome and that was one of the biggest
2:03:25frame shifts for me in never thinking
2:03:27that work is wasted because the more I
2:03:29work the bigger my work ethic the more
2:03:31my work capacity increases and to give
2:03:33an exercise example because I think it's
2:03:34it's cool and interesting is that a lot
2:03:37of people talk about this concept of
2:03:38overtraining don't worry I'll bring it
2:03:40back all right they talk about this
2:03:41concept of overtraining I remember I was
2:03:42talk I had this woman that uh Lea and I
2:03:45friends with very successful business
2:03:46owner had a boy toy with her and he was
2:03:50like aren't you concerned about training
2:03:52and I was feeling a little pissy that
2:03:53day and I said bro once you start
2:03:57looking like you work out you can worry
2:03:58about overtraining I was like until that
2:04:00point you don't need to worry about
2:04:02overtraining I was being a little bit
2:04:03mean but I think he he did remember it
2:04:05and he did change the way he trained and
2:04:07he did gain muscle afterwards so I felt
2:04:08okay about it now the point of that
2:04:11little quip right was that what I
2:04:14explained to him is that your ability to
2:04:16recover from working out itself is
2:04:19trainable so when you do more volume
2:04:22your ability to withstand volume your
2:04:23work capacity increases and so to the
2:04:26same degree people are like I feel burnt
2:04:28out the thing is is that you either die
2:04:30or you adapt that's it right and in the
2:04:33Fitness World you either die get injured
2:04:34or adapt right and since you're probably
2:04:36not going to die you really just need to
2:04:37make sure that you don't get injured and
2:04:38if you don't get injured and you don't
2:04:39die you get better and so that mental
2:04:43process in terms of how I see work has
2:04:45been like the most self-fulfilling
2:04:47prophecy that I've had because the more
2:04:48I work the better I get it working the
2:04:50more productive I am per unit of time
2:04:52and so and then I get the outcomes that
2:04:54happen eventually but the point is and
2:04:56you prob I mean I already know you know
2:04:57this but the outcomes become so
2:05:01irrelevant compared to the reward that
2:05:02you get in the meantime because the
2:05:05people who are experts and this is from
2:05:07my my good friend Dr cashy people who
2:05:09are experts at any skill become experts
2:05:12because they learn how to become
2:05:13rewarded from the work itself and so
2:05:16like they don't actually have something
2:05:18that you don't it's just that they
2:05:19measure success differently
2:05:24judge yourself by your actions not by
2:05:26your thoughts I became significantly
2:05:29less disappointed in myself when I
2:05:31started judging myself only on the
2:05:32actions I took not the thoughts I
2:05:35had
2:05:37so patience is a virtue that I feel like
2:05:40I haven't had and it's been something
2:05:41that I've spoken over myself for many
2:05:42years I was like I'm an impatient person
2:05:44I want things fast Etc but when I
2:05:46realized that I should use the same lens
2:05:49that I judge other people on when I
2:05:51judge my myself which is someone might
2:05:53say I'm a really honest guy but if I
2:05:55have no evidence that you're an honest
2:05:56person or when I put you in a situation
2:05:58where you could be honest and you're not
2:05:59I would say no you're not now that
2:06:00person probably thinks of themselves as
2:06:02honest or to the same degree I'm a
2:06:03really loyal guy but as soon as I put a
2:06:0510 in front of you and you've got your
2:06:06your girl at home you jump you're not
2:06:08that loyal you just haven't had the
2:06:10opportunity to show that you're loyal
2:06:11and so for me my thoughts about what I
2:06:15thought I was were actually really
2:06:16negative but when I try to think okay
2:06:19well I can be patient if I act patient
2:06:22even if I don't feel patient and then
2:06:25that allowed me to start giving myself a
2:06:27stack of undeniable proof that I am who
2:06:30I wanted to be and I don't believe in
2:06:33binary traits meaning like he's patient
2:06:35or he's impatient or he's loyal or he's
2:06:37disloyal it's the question is how loyal
2:06:39are you how honest are you how patient
2:06:41are you and by switching the character
2:06:43traits that I wanted to have into
2:06:46progressions or continuums allowed me to
2:06:49make progress on them simply by giving
2:06:51myself more proof or one more Penny on
2:06:52the scale that says I'm a little bit
2:06:54more patient than I was I'm a little bit
2:06:56more patient I'm a little bit more
2:06:57patient to the point where I have so
2:06:58many pennies on the scale that I can say
2:06:59I think I am pretty patient even though
2:07:01every time I put a penny on the scale I
2:07:03don't want to put a penny on the scale I
2:07:04want to get the thing to happen today I
2:07:06want it to happen yesterday because why
2:07:08is it taking so long it didn't take that
2:07:09long for this person I feel like I feel
2:07:11like I work harder than them and I feel
2:07:12like I'm better than them why am I not
2:07:13doing that but I put the penny on the
2:07:16scale well ultimately what is patience
2:07:18is patience feeling patient or is
2:07:20patient doing the thing that is patience
2:07:23so Sam Harris in his first conversation
2:07:24with jocker willink about 10 years ago
2:07:26they talk about how courage is an
2:07:28unfakeable emotion and it's such a good
2:07:30frame you're going to love this so he
2:07:33said if you do the thing in spite of
2:07:36being fearful of doing the thing that is
2:07:38courage and if you don't do the thing
2:07:40even though you felt like doing the
2:07:41thing that is cowardice and I think that
2:07:44motivation and Patience are exactly the
2:07:46same if you're patient despite not
2:07:48feeling patient that is patience yes
2:07:52that is how it works and that was that
2:07:55realization that you just said was the
2:07:57reason for that quote because it was me
2:08:00realizing that I can actually have these
2:08:02traits even if I don't feel like I live
2:08:05those traits and so that's why probably
2:08:07at least for me when people are
2:08:09like whatever the trait is like he's so
2:08:12humble he's so whatever like you
2:08:14probably will never feel like you have
2:08:16the trait but you can still have the
2:08:19trait based on evidence rather than
2:08:20emotion and I think that frame of
2:08:22evidence has been I mean if I had a a
2:08:25North star of personal development for
2:08:27myself it's been just give myself proof
2:08:31and I mean in so many ways like the
2:08:34reason that I I didn't I mean I'm going
2:08:35to go into tangent but again I'll bring
2:08:36it back I didn't talk about how to run
2:08:39gyms until I had six gyms because I
2:08:42didn't feel like I was qualified enough
2:08:43to talk about it and I only started
2:08:45talking about gyms when so many people
2:08:46were like dude how do you run your gyms
2:08:47how do you run your gyms and if I rewind
2:08:49even before that I didn't feel qualified
2:08:51to talk about Fitness but I had a
2:08:53six-pack for a decade you know what I
2:08:54mean and I had multiple State State
2:08:56records but I still didn't feel
2:08:58qualified to talk about Fitness until
2:08:59everyone was like dude how do you how
2:09:00you do this how do you strength train
2:09:01how do you how do you eat this way
2:09:02whatever it is right and so if you if
2:09:06you can give yourself
2:09:07evidence the world around you like Fame
2:09:11like your evidence will change how
2:09:12people treat you independent of how you
2:09:15feel about it well this is why the must
2:09:18be easy must be nice is so flawed
2:09:21because what you're saying is I see the
2:09:24outcomes and I have no idea of the
2:09:26difficulty of the inputs I have
2:09:28absolutely no idea what barriers you
2:09:29need to get over you could be you could
2:09:32find it 99 out of 100 difficult to be
2:09:36patient and yet you are must be nice for
2:09:39you you've got that patience Gene you go
2:09:42eat
2:09:43eat you have no idea how hard
2:09:46it is for people to do the things that
2:09:47they do and the people that make it look
2:09:49easy in some regards contribute to this
2:09:53problem like I and this is why I really
2:09:55love I'm a massive fan of of a lot of
2:09:57your work and I think that one of the
2:09:59reasons is that it's so honest and and
2:10:03self-facing about the challenges and
2:10:05about the steps that you have to get
2:10:07through and because the journey is
2:10:08relatively well narrati and you can you
2:10:11can track it step by step and you've
2:10:12created a kind of a cohesive timeline of
2:10:15how the all of this stuff worked there
2:10:16is a point along specifically your
2:10:18journey but hopefully mine and other
2:10:20people's too where people people can
2:10:22inject themselves and say oh I'm at that
2:10:25bit I'm the 15-year-old that I'm at that
2:10:27bit I resent my parents I've just lost
2:10:30all my money I I feel like I need to you
2:10:32know like you have every different
2:10:35problem that you can encounter in life
2:10:36is present in Alex's
2:10:38timeline and I think that that's really
2:10:40important I think this this is one of
2:10:42the I would say this is a criticism that
2:10:44I have about some of the personal
2:10:46development self-growth and a lot of the
2:10:48business advice as well
2:10:51even the bad times are
2:10:54romanticized and they're not
2:10:56romantic like it feels like hell it
2:11:00feels like to do the thing to fail
2:11:04to not feel like anybody cares about you
2:11:06to not even know that there's going to
2:11:08be glory in retrospect
2:11:12yeah it feels despondent and destitute
2:11:15and sad and
2:11:17alone and I get it and I think that the
2:11:20more visceral
2:11:22that we can make these stories the
2:11:23better it is because I know that that's
2:11:25what would have resonated with me CU I
2:11:26would have gone that's an undeniable
2:11:29stack of proof that you were where you
2:11:31said you
2:11:32were I'll tell you one that maybe will
2:11:35resonate with somebody in the audience
2:11:36so I remember when I decided to move so
2:11:40I moved to California to start a gym or
2:11:42get into fitness and I got there and the
2:11:45guy who I said I was going to Mentor
2:11:47under was like where are you staying and
2:11:48I was like I don't know I just got here
2:11:49and he's like what do you mean you don't
2:11:50know I was like I I don't know I just I
2:11:51just showed up and so he went he said I
2:11:54could sleep at his place that night the
2:11:55next morning went to the gym and he got
2:11:57on a chair and said hey who here is
2:11:59going to house this kid and one guy came
2:12:00up to me he was like I'll give you a
2:12:02room so I rented one room in a house for
2:12:03400 bucks a month and then when I left
2:12:07that room to start sleeping at the gym
2:12:08which was an hour away because I
2:12:09couldn't make the commute so I save 400
2:12:11bucks a month I remember being actually
2:12:13kind of excited about it I remember
2:12:14being like man this is going to be a SI
2:12:16story yeah this is going to be I'm going
2:12:17to be this is my Rocky cut scene right
2:12:19the thing is that the rocky cut scene
2:12:20last 30 seconds in the movie but it can
2:12:23Last 5 Years in your life and when I was
2:12:27sleeping on the gym floor I'll give you
2:12:28a detail that that'll tell you that the
2:12:31UN the stack of undeniable proof um was
2:12:34that I my first gym was underneath of a
2:12:36parking garage and so there's these
2:12:38metal dividers in the ceiling and so
2:12:40cars would drive over this and it's a
2:12:42Concrete box and so it sounded like a
2:12:44gunshot
2:12:45like and it would happen at all hours of
2:12:47the night and probably the most painful
2:12:49from an emotional perspective experience
2:12:51that I would have on a regular basis was
2:12:53that it was also abandoned enough
2:12:55parking a lot that college kids kids my
2:12:58age would go up and party on the roof
2:13:01and so like while they were partying
2:13:02literally above my head and making noise
2:13:04that would prevent me from sleeping I
2:13:06would be down below in an Inc in a dark
2:13:09Warehouse in a city that I knew no one
2:13:12like I was from Baltimore I drove across
2:13:14the country I went to hunting to beach I
2:13:16literally knew no one and no one knew me
2:13:18and so I'm sleeping there and then I
2:13:20realized that I can't really sleep at
2:13:22night and so I'm I'm taking basically
2:13:24I'm living on naps for the first 6
2:13:27months of the
2:13:28gym and like homeless people are
2:13:30sleeping in my parking lot and I have to
2:13:32like go out and tell them to like go
2:13:33away and then I get back lock the door
2:13:36and I go back on the astr turf which is
2:13:37where I slept with a blanket and a
2:13:39pillow and I I bring this up because
2:13:42like the
2:13:43visceral feeling that you go through
2:13:46when you're going through the mound of
2:13:48period or the eating what
2:13:50feels like a
2:13:51marathon is that it's it becomes 30
2:13:56second sound bite in my story yeah but
2:13:58it was years and so like even to the
2:14:01same degree people like man you're such
2:14:02a natural salesman the first job I ever
2:14:04got offered out of college was a sales
2:14:06job and I said I'm not a Salesman I'm an
2:14:08academic G and then as soon as I opened
2:14:10my gym I was like oh how do I pay
2:14:12rent and someone walked in the door and
2:14:13I was like please give me money uh I
2:14:16promise I I had no equipment in my gym
2:14:18because I I couldn't afford any so it's
2:14:20an empty gym with just Turf and I was
2:14:23like I promise you I will get you
2:14:24amazing results and they were like are
2:14:25you going to be here tomorrow and I was
2:14:27like I I sleep here I have to be here I
2:14:28promise I'll be
2:14:30here it's impossible for me to not be
2:14:32here I can't live I can't leave right
2:14:34and so the early people took pity on me
2:14:37when they literally paid the first the
2:14:38first 29 members I signed up in the
2:14:39first two weeks before the gym opened
2:14:41was from pity it wasn't from Charisma it
2:14:43was pure pity I'll be real with you and
2:14:44it was the exact amount that I needed to
2:14:46pay rent and I remember the first month
2:14:48of rent that I paid with this is
2:14:50actually wild I only only looked at this
2:14:51in retrospect I made exactly
2:14:54$4,975 my first month of my gym my rent
2:14:58was $
2:15:004,972 and I remember working like a dog
2:15:04to get that I'd never made money in my
2:15:05life like I'd never like really asked
2:15:06anyone for money and all of a sudden I
2:15:07had to come up $5,000 in a month and
2:15:10then at the end of the month I watched
2:15:12it go to zero and then I was like I have
2:15:13to do it again and that was when like
2:15:16the reality of the situation of like
2:15:18there was no Escape there was no one who
2:15:20was going to come to save me and there
2:15:21was I couldn't blame my dad I couldn't
2:15:23blame my mom I was the one who had
2:15:24chosen this life but the alternative was
2:15:27that I had to go back to my father a
2:15:29failure and have him look in look me in
2:15:31the eyes and say I told you and come
2:15:33here come here don't worry about you
2:15:34know I told you this this gym stuff this
2:15:37Fitness stuff this starting your own
2:15:38it's it's for later it's fine just go
2:15:40backy you you've got this you've got
2:15:42this great degree you've got just go to
2:15:43the go to the business school do the
2:15:44thing and I knew exactly what would
2:15:45happened but what would have happened
2:15:47after that is that for the rest of my
2:15:49life he would have had absolute
2:15:51authority over everything that I did and
2:15:54that felt like death and so that was
2:15:56what I ran away from when I was in that
2:15:57moment like whenever I felt like my back
2:15:59was against the wall and I didn't know
2:16:00what to do and it felt like the
2:16:01Instagram reels of like the motivation
2:16:02weren't going to get me through what I
2:16:04was going through because no one cared
2:16:06that I was sleeping alone I let them
2:16:07know I'm sleeping on the floor and a
2:16:09month later when you're still sleeping
2:16:10on the floor everyone's like don't care
2:16:12like great you're pursuing your dream
2:16:14right early
2:16:17days but despite that the the mustbe
2:16:21easy Mantra is the easiest indicator
2:16:24that you have a victim mindset because
2:16:27what it means is I can't achieve this
2:16:30thing because on some level you say it
2:16:31must be easy there's some level of
2:16:32desire that's there you're like I'd like
2:16:33to achieve some aspect of this and then
2:16:36rather than feel the pain of saying that
2:16:37I'm inadequate or I'm not taking action
2:16:39we we cast our our inadequacy on some
2:16:42outside object or some outside
2:16:44circumstance and by doing that we remove
2:16:46all agency and all power that we have
2:16:48over our lives and for me I would rather
2:16:50be somebody who has absolute power and
2:16:52have nothing to show for it than
2:16:54somebody who has all the all the the
2:16:56things to show for it but know that I'm
2:16:58life's
2:17:01life being one protracted training
2:17:04montage is a really important lesson to
2:17:07learn the fact that in the Rocky movie
2:17:10it is 90 seconds and then everything is
2:17:15fixed and that can last for decades that
2:17:17can last for years and I think that the
2:17:20lack of Glory the lack of certainty
2:17:25yeah it makes it it it turns it
2:17:29from
2:17:31worthwhile
2:17:33Majesty
2:17:36into it's it's not even sufficiently
2:17:40triumphant to be called sad like it's
2:17:43just like weak and pissy and you have no
2:17:46idea if anything's going to work but
2:17:49what's the alternative entr is going to
2:17:51come and get you so what's the
2:17:53alternative like my Twitter bio says
2:17:55locally reversing entropy and I I I
2:17:57think that that really is what you
2:17:59should try and do because it's going to
2:18:01come for you the lack of
2:18:03certainty is what actually makes it
2:18:05worth it and so here's my point let's
2:18:07think let's consider the alternative
2:18:08which is that you are on the path and
2:18:10you are guaranteed to know that you're
2:18:11going to get the
2:18:14outcome all of the mystery is gone there
2:18:17is no excitement which is why they said
2:18:19you know in the an ancient Romans or
2:18:20sorry ancient Greeks would say that the
2:18:22gods always envied The Mortals because
2:18:24their life was so ephemeral they had so
2:18:26much chance that could happen to them
2:18:27right where the gods always knew that
2:18:28they weren't going to die and it was
2:18:29completely guaranteed and so what we do
2:18:32is we basically have this wish that if
2:18:34it actually came true we would hate it
2:18:36even more than our current circumstance
2:18:38if you knew that you were going to
2:18:39succeed it wouldn't be worth doing to
2:18:41begin with the fact that you are
2:18:43uncertain when you start is what makes
2:18:45it worthwhile and the fallacy of being
2:18:48in the pursuit is the worry or the
2:18:50concern that it won't amount to anything
2:18:53because who you are becoming is the
2:18:54thing that you are amounting to in real
2:18:56time every
2:18:59day this was something that Mark Manson
2:19:02tweeted he put it in his newsletter
2:19:03actually and it made me think of a
2:19:06lesson that I learned a long time
2:19:08ago stop complaining about the results
2:19:11you didn't get from the work you didn't
2:19:13put in the only way to become more
2:19:15successful than most people is to be
2:19:17willing to do something most people
2:19:19aren't willing to do
2:19:21and this is that leanin mentality again
2:19:23it's like look it sucks it's shitty
2:19:26you're tired everybody says that you're
2:19:29leaving your friends behind leaving your
2:19:31family behind betraying your culture
2:19:32betraying whatever expectation it is
2:19:34that they have on you you need to do
2:19:37something that most people aren't
2:19:38willing to do because as we've said the
2:19:39average American is obese in debt and
2:19:42divorced like is that really oh
2:19:43brilliant fantastic I'm in the
2:19:45center of the bell curve distribution
2:19:47here that's really congratulations and
2:19:49then the other side stop complaining
2:19:51about the results you didn't get from
2:19:52the work you didn't put in okay so you
2:19:55didn't lose weight this month did you
2:19:56follow your diet well I did for half the
2:19:59month okay so is it any surprise that
2:20:01you didn't lose any weight how's your
2:20:04content creation game going well I I you
2:20:06know I spent a lot of time planning for
2:20:09the podcast that I'm going to release or
2:20:10for the Instagram that I'm going to
2:20:12start or from the substack that I'm
2:20:13going to begin writing on okay and what
2:20:15did you actually do it comes back to
2:20:17like the work doesn't care
2:20:21yeah Charlie Munger in one of his
2:20:23seminal speeches he talks about how to
2:20:25guarantee failure how to make sure that
2:20:28you are a failure and he inverts the the
2:20:31concept of success it's like what could
2:20:32you do to make sure that you were a
2:20:34failure it's like well you would
2:20:35definitely get involved in drugs
2:20:37drinking he says was it leverage liquor
2:20:39in women that's you know the Charlie's
2:20:41Charlie's big one right but one of the
2:20:43ones that he has I think he has seven in
2:20:44his in his in his speech
2:20:47is consistency he's like you have to
2:20:50make sure sure that you're inconsistent
2:20:52he's like because if you are consistent
2:20:54and you have none of the other
2:20:56attributes he's like it's you still
2:20:58might be successful he's like it's it's
2:21:00very tough for people who are consistent
2:21:02to not be successful and he makes an
2:21:05especially pointed point about
2:21:06consistency because in my opinion it's
2:21:08one of the most difficult of the virtues
2:21:10for humans to do because we're so
2:21:11attracted to novelty and so like I mean
2:21:15I used to De with this with you know
2:21:16people on their diets all the time I
2:21:17remember I ran gyms and so someone would
2:21:20come in and I would always ask the
2:21:21question so have you been following the
2:21:22meal plant and then they would say yes
2:21:24and so then I started changing the way I
2:21:25asked the question so I'd say out of the
2:21:2721 meals that you were supposed to eat
2:21:29how many of the 21 did you have exactly
2:21:31the way it was on the meal plan and then
2:21:33they would be like oh I mean at least
2:21:35half and they would say it as though
2:21:36that was a mark of success and right now
2:21:39the meal plan could be your content plan
2:21:42it could be your it could be your
2:21:43showing up to work on time plan it could
2:21:45be the time that you want to put towards
2:21:46your side hust it doesn't really matter
2:21:48but if there's one muscle that you Flex
2:21:51it's learning to do the same thing over
2:21:53and over again like one of the one of
2:21:55the values that we had at gym launch is
2:21:56do the boring work because boring is
2:21:58what makes you rich right it's it's it's
2:22:01it's writing the follow-up sequence to
2:22:03your to the purchase page that you don't
2:22:05feel like doing but you know you should
2:22:07do it's running the split test for the
2:22:1010th time it's it's actually going
2:22:12through and prepping for 20 minutes
2:22:14before you have the meeting
2:22:16because it's amazing how much smarter
2:22:19you can appear with 20 minutes of
2:22:21preparation like you can appear 50 IQ
2:22:23points smarter if you just prepare for
2:22:25meetings for 20 minutes I remember I did
2:22:26a Consulting day which I've only done
2:22:28three in my entire life and when I
2:22:31showed up uh to the day because I always
2:22:33want to make sure that everyone always
2:22:34gets more from me than I than they give
2:22:35me um I had taken I don't know four
2:22:39hours not a long time but a long time
2:22:41for I think some people but for me four
2:22:43hours is nothing I count in 100 so this
2:22:45was irrelevant and so I put like four
2:22:47hours and actually took the time and put
2:22:49it in to do research on the individual
2:22:51so I looked at every single page they
2:22:52had every landing page every offer every
2:22:54everything and I had seven pages of
2:22:57things that I thought would make them
2:22:58more money and so when I started I was
2:23:00like this is what we're going to go
2:23:01through today and I'll walk you through
2:23:02line by line and you'll have this as a
2:23:03take behind so you can execute it with
2:23:04your team it was a bigger
2:23:06company and the guy was shocked he was
2:23:09like never in my entire life has anyone
2:23:12had this much preparation and that's
2:23:14when goes back to like you need 20
2:23:16podcasts to be in the top 1% the the bar
2:23:20for excellence like I have this timer
2:23:23that I have on my desk which it's it's
2:23:25the easiest purchase you can make I
2:23:26think it was like seven bucks on Amazon
2:23:28it's a little twist kitchen timer it's
2:23:29very easy and it's been probably my
2:23:32biggest Focus act you know to date which
2:23:33is I turn it when I want to start
2:23:35working and part of it allows me to
2:23:37think how long I I get better at
2:23:38predicting how long it's going to take
2:23:39me to do something so I think I think
2:23:40this will take me 35 minutes so I turn
2:23:42the clock to 35 and I click on and I
2:23:44start working on the thing and the
2:23:46moment my phone rings or I look at slack
2:23:47or whatever I stop the timer and so you
2:23:49actually see that your time on task is
2:23:52usually significantly less than you
2:23:53think it is and I think that in my early
2:23:56days I would spend a very long time in
2:23:58front of a computer telling myself that
2:24:01I was working with very few minutes
2:24:03actually on task and that's why I think
2:24:05that most things are actually
2:24:06significantly easier than people think
2:24:08they are they just don't know how to try
2:24:09hard because the harder you try the
2:24:12easier it gets and so it's like if you
2:24:14can just learn to love what trying hard
2:24:16feels like then all of a sudden it
2:24:19becomes unreasonable that you can't win
2:24:21so like for the presentation that I'm
2:24:23giving I explained a little bit earlier
2:24:25about what my process looks like if you
2:24:26were to say what would it take for
2:24:28somebody to be unreasonably good that it
2:24:29would be impossible for them to not be a
2:24:31top 1% salesman or a top 1% content
2:24:34creator and you said what would that
2:24:35person need to do a relevant from
2:24:36outcome what would be the actions or
2:24:38evidence that they would have to do
2:24:39prior to that thing that would make it
2:24:40unreasonable that they couldn't
2:24:42succeed and then you do those things
2:24:45what happens is you realize that it's
2:24:46actually not that hard because you put
2:24:48so much work into it and the bar from
2:24:49other people is so embarrassingly low
2:24:53that they then ask you how you did it
2:24:54and it must be
2:24:56easy
2:24:59consistency doesn't guarantee that
2:25:01you'll be
2:25:02successful but not being consistent will
2:25:05guarantee that you won't reach success
2:25:07you have a productivity hack an easy
2:25:09productivity hack instead of spending
2:25:12time getting in the mood to work just
2:25:14start working confront the work people
2:25:17think they need perfect conditions to
2:25:19start when in reality
2:25:20starting is the perfect
2:25:23condition I'm married to that I love
2:25:27that because if you think like I you
2:25:31know I obviously am somebody who always
2:25:32wants to optimize how much work I do per
2:25:34unit of time and so I I was you know
2:25:37there was definitely times earlier in my
2:25:38life I was really romanticized by these
2:25:40like very extensive morning routines and
2:25:42supplement rituals and like all this
2:25:44stuff of mental masturbation around the
2:25:45work that needed to be done but when I
2:25:47looked at two hours later and nothing
2:25:48had actually gotten done
2:25:51the moment you begin working is when
2:25:54your output per unit of time goes up and
2:25:57so that makes beginning the single
2:26:00greatest hack that you can have for
2:26:03everything else that you do and work
2:26:04because thing is when you start working
2:26:05you start getting in the mood to work
2:26:07right like everything else is
2:26:08procrastinating around the work that you
2:26:09think you should do but like I have
2:26:11noticed for me at least I have these I
2:26:13have some big mental tasks you know what
2:26:15I mean like big content piece or big
2:26:16thing that you need like you know it's
2:26:17going to take real mental effort it
2:26:19takes me like 5 minutes of actually
2:26:21being in it to then get a little bit of
2:26:23a lay of the land to then get into it
2:26:26but I used to take hours to delay to
2:26:29start the first five minutes and so my
2:26:31time compression of when I thought I
2:26:32should start doing something and when I
2:26:33started doing it over time it's just
2:26:35compressed to the point where it's like
2:26:36the moment I think that I need to start
2:26:38doing it sometimes I just start it
2:26:40because then what happens I get this
2:26:41open loop and so rather than complete
2:26:43work at like because a lot of people we
2:26:44like I want to complete it at this
2:26:45really nice clean Point stop halfway
2:26:47through the sentence cuz it'll drive you
2:26:49mad that's the zygon effect in full work
2:26:51do you know this story zonic oh wow this
2:26:54is way more than that's what you shut up
2:26:56that's what you're leveraging here so um
2:26:59the zonic effect was a study originally
2:27:02done on servers in restaurants okay and
2:27:05they realized you've ever being at a
2:27:06restaurant and a server comes up and
2:27:08stands with the hands behind the back go
2:27:09what would you like tonight sir and you
2:27:10say I'll have the lobster roll and a
2:27:12glass of red wine and a blah blah and
2:27:13you're like this is not he
2:27:15hasn't got a pen or a pad of paper he's
2:27:17crazy and then they go off and what they
2:27:20realized was servers in restaurants were
2:27:24unbelievably good at being able to
2:27:26recall exactly what a table's order was
2:27:28while that table's order was still open
2:27:30so uh guys in table 16 uh they want to
2:27:33swap the P's out for a little bit of
2:27:35extra rice and they're doing this thing
2:27:37as soon as the table was closed they
2:27:40couldn't remember anything so this is an
2:27:42open loop closed loop system and it's
2:27:43built into the
2:27:45brain the brain abhors an open loop it's
2:27:48the same reason why Netflix click
2:27:50hangers at the end of every episode
2:27:51guaranteed that you'll watch the next
2:27:53one because you can't bear the fact
2:27:55there's even novels in the dark romance
2:27:57genre that make guarantees that there
2:28:00won't be Cliffhangers they make they put
2:28:02it on the front or the back of the book
2:28:04and they say no Cliffhangers guaranteed
2:28:06which is people have so much distaste
2:28:09for it that it's a selling point that
2:28:11you get the closure at the end of it and
2:28:14finishing halfway through a
2:28:16sentence reduces the activation energy
2:28:19required to begin that sentence the next
2:28:21day and it keeps it in your mind too
2:28:23overnight so I think yeah whether you've
2:28:26stumbled on it or whether you knew about
2:28:28it you've managed to leverage a pretty
2:28:29powerful piece of psychology that sick
2:28:32going back to the work thing uh another
2:28:35one from you that I absolutely adore it
2:28:37just takes work shitloads and shitloads
2:28:40of work every time I try and dress it up
2:28:42or cut a corner I get brutally reminded
2:28:45the work just needs doing the work
2:28:47doesn't care who you are it just cares
2:28:51that it gets
2:28:52done I'm actually going to reverse quote
2:28:55David Goggins on this one but uh I love
2:28:58this quote that he has which he says
2:28:59there's no shortcuts for you David or
2:29:01there's no shortcuts for you Goggins I
2:29:03heard him say that and I just love that
2:29:05as a refrain which is that a lot of
2:29:07people look for a shortcut but the idea
2:29:10that you say like they're not for you
2:29:12you don't get to use them you are immune
2:29:14to
2:29:15shortcuts I just love it because then it
2:29:17it just further shortcuts the path to
2:29:19the work that needs to get done and I
2:29:22wrote that tweet on my I don't know 11th
2:29:26run of this presentation that I'm doing
2:29:29because that's a recent one y and so I
2:29:31was it was like 11 o'clock at night and
2:29:33so right now I'm working triple shifts
2:29:34which is not common for me I usually do
2:29:36two not three um so for me a normal
2:29:39workday is like I wake up uh I start
2:29:41working at you know 600 or 7 and then I
2:29:43go until about sixish so it's like 10 to
2:29:4512 really concentrated hours work and
2:29:48that I can do six and a half days a week
2:29:50usually take Saturday afternoons off um
2:29:52and it's really just because at that
2:29:53point I I can't work anymore and My
2:29:55Brain Stew and then I I get my one half
2:29:57day and then I'm good to go and I'm
2:29:58rearing to kick on you know to work on
2:30:00Sundays my triple shift is I get I go to
2:30:03dinner and I come back at 7:30 and then
2:30:04I work from 7:30 until 11:30 or 1 or
2:30:07whatever right and when I'm putting in
2:30:10triple shifts is when I know I'm like
2:30:12really gassing it um and that's that's
2:30:14when I'm like repeatedly doing 16 17 a
2:30:17day of actual productive work and
2:30:21I I hear the same thoughts that everyone
2:30:22does which is like it's not going to
2:30:24matter like it's fine you've like it's
2:30:26good enough like I hate that like it
2:30:28makes me sick to even say that right
2:30:30because the thing that I like David
2:30:32goggin right he's got like there's no
2:30:34shortcuts for you I would say the one
2:30:36that I have two that are like my
2:30:38internal ones one that is probably the
2:30:40most common is I will do what is
2:30:43required
2:30:45and this work needs do it and there's
2:30:49just no way around
2:30:50and it's just it's just looking at the
2:30:53face of the work and it's like smiling
2:30:54back at me like no one else is going to
2:30:57do it um and like I love that one like
2:31:02when we're recording content in the
2:31:03early days we were doing like a hundred
2:31:04shorts every time we did it and it was
2:31:06direct to camera and it was the only
2:31:08time I could fit it in with all the
2:31:09portfolio stuff they were doing and so I
2:31:12was it was always like I will do what's
2:31:14required and that's been a really
2:31:16helpful refrain for me when I'm
2:31:17confronted with especially when you know
2:31:20what needs to get done and the second
2:31:22one is but I'll
2:31:26know and so like even if it does go well
2:31:29and even if everyone else says it's
2:31:31great but I'll know and it'll then rob
2:31:35me of all of the joy of all of those
2:31:38moments and that experience because I'll
2:31:39know that I could have done better and
2:31:42the thing is is like to to quote myself
2:31:44from earlier like I've never regretted
2:31:46working harder ever not once and some
2:31:50people were like on your deathbed you're
2:31:51like no CU I lived every moment of my
2:31:54day doing what I wanted to do and I
2:31:56remember I had a boss when I um my first
2:31:58boss after college she said this thing I
2:32:02had had a a particularly good weekend
2:32:04and she said I'm pretty sure happiness
2:32:09is stringing as many of those days in a
2:32:11row as you possibly can and although I
2:32:14hated the job that piece of advice has
2:32:17actually been probably what I has been
2:32:19my blue for how to live which is like my
2:32:22birthday looks the same as my Tuesdays
2:32:24which looks the same as my Sundays you
2:32:26know what the original name pool for
2:32:30this podcast was this is the only time
2:32:32in history I've done branding my entire
2:32:34adult life and with club nights all
2:32:36you're doing is coming up with
2:32:38Brands Paradiso oh it's it's tropical
2:32:41there'll be a flamingo skint oh it's a
2:32:43cheap night it's for people to get
2:32:44fingered in the corner like is we all I
2:32:48did was branding right I was The
2:32:49Branding guy I'm pretty good at
2:32:50copyrighting all I did was branding the
2:32:52one time I've had divine inspiration 3
2:32:55in the morning wake up with the name was
2:32:57Modern wisdom the one time out of every
2:32:59business every night every brand I've
2:33:00ever come up with that was the one time
2:33:02but on the list of the others mind mind
2:33:05and matter was one of them the other one
2:33:08was a quote from Tim Ferris it's called
2:33:10crushing a Tuesday and he said that what
2:33:12you should aim for in life is for your
2:33:15average
2:33:16Tuesday not the spectacular one time jet
2:33:20with the friends to go for the whatever
2:33:22whatever not the UFC power slap launch
2:33:26party with staring at the back of Dan
2:33:28Bill's arean dirty mullet like not that
2:33:32you want your average Tuesday to look
2:33:35the way that you want most of your life
2:33:36to do and when I think about the days
2:33:38that I look back on at the end of my day
2:33:40and think like today was a good day
2:33:42invariably it's the same few things it's
2:33:45I worked very hard on something that I
2:33:47felt was worth doing I worked out and I
2:33:51spent time with people that I enjoy
2:33:53being around if I do those three things
2:33:57I had a good day and so that's been my
2:34:00you know Alex's simple blueprint for
2:34:02doing things and I think the point that
2:34:03you were making earlier I think it's
2:34:04worth hitting on again which is just
2:34:06that like most people's definition of
2:34:08work is a negative one which is why they
2:34:09abhor it which is also why they
2:34:11misunderstand so many people who quote
2:34:12I'll say quote here are successful ahead
2:34:14of them or whatever is that both people
2:34:17one person says the word work and the
2:34:18other person hears the word
2:34:20pain and
2:34:22so the first step to like becoming more
2:34:24successful is understanding the language
2:34:26that the people who are successful are
2:34:28using they're actually defining the word
2:34:29differently and
2:34:32so whatever that thing is that you
2:34:34actually enjoy doing where you lose
2:34:35track of time when you're in it even if
2:34:37it's challenging but usually it is
2:34:39challenging right like it's not easy
2:34:41because then it's boring right which is
2:34:42also why the uncertainty thing is so key
2:34:43right to not knowing if it's going to if
2:34:45it's going to work or not you are going
2:34:47to work though either way um is that the
2:34:50people who are quote addicted to work
2:34:52make it easy to be addicted to work
2:34:53because
2:34:54they do things worth doing and I think a
2:34:58lot of it is coming down to making sure
2:35:00that you take the few precious seconds
2:35:02that we have to do the few things that
2:35:04are worth doing for the rest of your
2:35:06life the more I listen to this the
2:35:09better my life gets if they don't have
2:35:11what you want don't listen to what they
2:35:13say there's no greater waste of time
2:35:17than justifying your actions to people
2:35:19have a life you don't
2:35:23want that was a message to my younger
2:35:26self but um I remember I got in an well
2:35:29I won't I won't call it out
2:35:33um let me see how I can say this the
2:35:35right way
2:35:39um you know what I'll just say it I'll
2:35:41whitewash the names so I was with a
2:35:43family member and we're all around the
2:35:45kitchen table it's during the holidays
2:35:47because I don't go home very much and
2:35:50they kind of started attacking me um and
2:35:54they're like I would never live your
2:35:56life you're so unbalanced like attacking
2:35:59and I was like what are you
2:36:03saying
2:36:05and she
2:36:08said I I just would never do that and I
2:36:11was like all right well what part of my
2:36:13life is unbalanced I was like do you
2:36:14feel like my health is unbalanced I was
2:36:16like do you feel like my marriage is
2:36:18unbalanced I was like feel like my
2:36:20finances are unbalanced I was like what
2:36:23part of my life do you feel like is out
2:36:24of whack she was like you you know I'm
2:36:28I'm not as good with words as you are
2:36:30and that was the and I was like okay so
2:36:32the fact that you can't make a logical
2:36:33argument I'm not going to continue how
2:36:34how that conversation went but the the
2:36:37tldr of that was I really thought a lot
2:36:40about it and it came down
2:36:44to I wouldn't live your
2:36:48life and my response to that is good
2:36:53don't it's not your life it's mine live
2:36:56yours the way you want and I wouldn't
2:36:58live your life either and so what ends
2:36:59up happening is they become these
2:37:00statements these projections that are
2:37:02not actually real now on some level
2:37:07maybe they were saying that because
2:37:08there was Envy in that aspect of like
2:37:10wishing that was there you know that
2:37:11they were living that life but in this
2:37:13particular instance I don't think it was
2:37:14I think they genuinely were trying to
2:37:15help it was a family member and they
2:37:17thought they were that I was being
2:37:18misguided
2:37:20this is this is an intervention let me
2:37:21hold the talking pillow Alex we've all
2:37:23come together because we care about you
2:37:25we really feel like we need to have a
2:37:27conversation here it's exactly what it
2:37:29was and I got so
2:37:32angry you no so angry no and you know
2:37:37you can hear Leela like patting my back
2:37:40like it's I'm like see you can feel the
2:37:41heat coming off of me as like I go
2:37:43upstairs and how how dare she you know
2:37:46but it really just came down to like her
2:37:48just saying I don't want to live your
2:37:51life and I think the answer to that
2:37:53question is good don't and I think that
2:37:56has been one of the things that has
2:37:57diffused so many of these like hateful
2:37:59comments where people dehumanize you or
2:38:01whatever and make you into this ideal
2:38:02that they reject it's like you're right
2:38:05one of the things that I had a mentor
2:38:06taught me to say is like when you're in
2:38:08an AR if somebody's like it's like
2:38:09you're you're a terrible person blah
2:38:11blah blah blah blah you just say you're
2:38:12right and and then they have no they
2:38:16have they have nothing to say and then
2:38:17you just move on with your life and so
2:38:19like in that way it's acceptance but of
2:38:22like your your idea of who I am that you
2:38:27hate so much I accept it I can live with
2:38:30that even but like we don't want to
2:38:32think what if I am I don't need to
2:38:34believe that but I can do that and I can
2:38:35end the conversation so I'm taking
2:38:37improv classes at the moment because I'm
2:38:40doing my first live shows in the UK and
2:38:42Island oh this live tour uh thank you
2:38:45yeah uh everything's this uh no solo
2:38:49stood on stage for 90 minutes comedy no
2:38:53just lessons insights and stuff probably
2:38:57some that I've learned today uh
2:38:59anyway we we released it and every show
2:39:01sold out and then got venue upgraded and
2:39:03then sold out again in less than 45
2:39:05minutes across all of the dates which
2:39:06was great but then scary because I now
2:39:08had to speak to like three times as many
2:39:10people per night for additional nights
2:39:12on top of what I thought anyway I'm
2:39:15doing improv in improv there is one rule
2:39:18and the rule is don't punk the game so
2:39:22uh we're doing some exercise where we
2:39:24need to make silly noises as we pass
2:39:26this imaginary energy around and I need
2:39:28to go like Bo and send it back and you
2:39:30need to go whoosh and pass it on and all
2:39:32this sort of the one thing that
2:39:34you're not allowed to do is not make one
2:39:37of the noises that's allowed yeah and I
2:39:40really think about punking the game an
2:39:42awful lot and you see it happen in
2:39:43podcasts you see it happen on TV you see
2:39:46it happen and it can be uh both
2:39:48destructive and constructive but it's
2:39:51always destructive to the people that
2:39:52are trying to play the game and it can
2:39:55sometimes be constructive to the person
2:39:57who is punking it so what you did is you
2:39:59punked the game there we are playing a
2:40:02game of tennis we are hitting the ball
2:40:03back and forth here I go I hit the ball
2:40:04across the net
2:40:07and where is it is it hit it back hit it
2:40:10hit it back to me like this is the game
2:40:12that we're playing and you didn't move
2:40:14reciprocally back and forth you went
2:40:16orthogonally you went across on a
2:40:18different axis and you're like I'm not
2:40:19playing this anymore this is a different
2:40:21game I'm not
2:40:24bothered there's not even words to
2:40:26describe what that means now the way
2:40:28that it can be destructive is especially
2:40:31if you're having let's say a meaningful
2:40:34conversation sometimes people who are
2:40:36uncomfortable with getting into their
2:40:39emotions can use a variety of different
2:40:41things they can be scathing they can be
2:40:43mocking they can laugh you know because
2:40:46they don't want to sit with the
2:40:47discomfort of this particular part of
2:40:48the convers
2:40:49that's punking the game in a way that I
2:40:51think is destructive both externally and
2:40:53internally that was one that was
2:40:54destructive externally it broke the game
2:40:57but it was constructive internally and
2:40:58it is a
2:41:00way refusing to play by the rules that
2:41:02somebody else has set in a game that you
2:41:04didn't agree to is the best
2:41:07prophylactic against stepping into a
2:41:10situation that you do not want and it's
2:41:12one of the things that wealth
2:41:16affords and it's one of the things that
2:41:18freedom affords and freedom is often
2:41:19Downstream from wealth remember George
2:41:21one of my really good friends been on
2:41:22the show like five times George ma
2:41:23you'll follow him on Twitter he's
2:41:24phenomenal he was he was on Fox
2:41:26and Friends yesterday talking about his
2:41:28cocaine phone and his kale phone like
2:41:29what the what world is this yeah I
2:41:32remember before the first time that I
2:41:35moved away to work I've been I've
2:41:37traveled a lot but it was always in
2:41:39between work I never traveled to work Co
2:41:42happens world gets shut down just after
2:41:47Halloween Boris tells all of the UK
2:41:50we're going back into lockdown in 3 days
2:41:51time and all flights are cancelled so I
2:41:53messaged George and I was like I'm not
2:41:56doing this I'm I let's go somewhere he
2:41:59wanted to go
2:42:00to I can't I can't even remember some
2:42:03Island that has 300,000 people on it and
2:42:05I was like why don't we do
2:42:07Dubai it's a 5 hour flight the weather's
2:42:10great I know people it'll be
2:42:12fun it's not got 300,000 people on it
2:42:14it'll be the
2:42:16Uber and I'll never forget what
2:42:19he replied to me with I got up and I
2:42:22paid £350 for my co fit toly test before
2:42:26he was awake but he'd sent me a message
2:42:27the night before and this is what
2:42:28compelled me to do it he said what's the
2:42:30point in having you Freedom if you
2:42:32never say
2:42:33you and I was like I was so fired up
2:42:37reading that message and I was like yeah
2:42:40why have I put all of this work in why
2:42:42have I done all of these things if I
2:42:44don't ever Punk a game that I didn't
2:42:46agree to be a part of I think this is
2:42:48really big if we go all the way back to
2:42:51the earlier part of this podcast when
2:42:52you have the friends who are telling you
2:42:55oh um must be nice or you think you're
2:42:59better than us or oh so we can't drink
2:43:01anymore that's when you can be like
2:43:06yeah then what well then we wouldn't be
2:43:09friends you're not going to be friends
2:43:09with them eventually anyways I promise
2:43:11you anyone who says that to you're not
2:43:12going to be friends with if you want to
2:43:13ultimately become the person you want to
2:43:14become they're only going to reject you
2:43:16harder and harder until eventually you
2:43:17have nothing to share about and the only
2:43:18thing that you'll talk about about is
2:43:19the past which by the way one of the
2:43:21great leading indicators of at least in
2:43:23my opinion of a great way to know when
2:43:25to cut a friend is when they only talk
2:43:26about your past and so punking the game
2:43:30and it's it's one of those really
2:43:31uncomfortable things the first time you
2:43:33do it but then you get more and more
2:43:34comfortable with it because they're like
2:43:37I would never live your life and you're
2:43:38like I
2:43:42know this relates to another one of
2:43:44yours don't trade your self-respect for
2:43:46someone else's it's easy to lose theirs
2:43:49hard to get yours back yeah but I would
2:43:52know but you would know yeah uh related
2:43:56to the sort of cynicism thing that we
2:43:59were talking about earlier on I call it
2:44:00the cynicism safety blanket that sour
2:44:02grapes at an existential level um I had
2:44:06Shan Puri on the show you know Sean
2:44:08you've been on his you've been on my
2:44:09first million uh he casually dropped
2:44:12this I don't think this I don't think
2:44:14his episode's going to be out before
2:44:15this goes um but it's money and said the
2:44:20cynics get to be right and the optimists
2:44:22get to be
2:44:23rich and from you I think the Winner's
2:44:26mindset sits in the uncomfortable place
2:44:28between two surface level contradictions
2:44:30extreme paranoia in the present and
2:44:32unshakable faith in the future the
2:44:34tension between the two makes someone
2:44:36hard to beat today and hard to outlast
2:44:38tomorrow the cynics get to be right and
2:44:40the optimists get to be
2:44:43rich one of the biggest fallacies of the
2:44:46advice from people who are in your
2:44:48current situation is that that they are
2:44:49right most of the time when you bring a
2:44:51a girl
2:44:52home 99 times out of 100 when your
2:44:55parents say she's not the girl I don't
2:44:57like her she won't last they're right
2:45:00every single time except for the one
2:45:02time it matters and you end up marrying
2:45:03the person right like when they say like
2:45:05you're not going to succeed like this
2:45:07idea of yours it's not going to last and
2:45:09they're right every single time except
2:45:12for the one time that matters when you
2:45:13hit it big and so it's one of those
2:45:15things where they are right more times
2:45:18but they are not more
2:45:21right so good yeah I
2:45:25um I wonder whether it's a function
2:45:30of all of our opinions being permanently
2:45:33etched in stone on social media that
2:45:36it's very easy to seem smart to have a
2:45:38heterodox idea if you go against the
2:45:40mainstream because it's romantic oh I I
2:45:45I I had this alternative I I had this
2:45:48negative I'm not I'm not like one of
2:45:50those sheep I'll I'll I'll believe that
2:45:52things are going to be worse than they
2:45:53are and then if it turns out better
2:45:56guess what I set your expectations super
2:46:00low congratulations you can thank me
2:46:01later you're like that is distilled
2:46:06down British culture at its worst yeah
2:46:09is low
2:46:12expectations low expectations delivered
2:46:16through
2:46:20satirical cynicism yeah why are you
2:46:22doing that that's lame that's for losers
2:46:25that's something that we wouldn't do you
2:46:27should stop doing the different thing
2:46:29tall poppy you're the one that gets cut
2:46:31down
2:46:32and it's all that it's like all it it
2:46:37shows to me
2:46:39now is a kind of group
2:46:42think almost like the worst kind of
2:46:47mental telepathy where everybody
2:46:49believes the most unuseful thoughts that
2:46:51everybody else has
2:46:54yeah at
2:46:56scale and all it does is lower the bar
2:46:59that you need to get
2:47:02up I think it's that that you're right
2:47:04thing which is someone says that's lame
2:47:08that sucks blah blah blah and you just
2:47:10say like you're right it
2:47:12does you just keep punking the game like
2:47:15when anyone comes to try like like
2:47:16they're they're playing a different game
2:47:18than you so you shouldn't try and play
2:47:19by their rules because they're going to
2:47:21try and get you to play their game so
2:47:23that they can beat you at the game which
2:47:24is the status game of that little circle
2:47:27but you're playing a much wider game
2:47:28that includes more players and so even
2:47:31though locally you have these your your
2:47:34incoming information that you're taking
2:47:36in is disproportionate to people that
2:47:38you're not actually playing against and
2:47:40so it's basically just noise it's
2:47:42irrelevant because if you look on a long
2:47:44enough time Horizon the likel that
2:47:45you're act like I mean again I think
2:47:47about death a lot but the the idea that
2:47:52when I die people will be dividing up my
2:47:55assets arguing over who gets what
2:47:57there's going to be a caterer at my
2:47:58funeral some people won't make it
2:48:02because something came up and they got
2:48:05busy and then the few people that are
2:48:07there are probably no one that I have in
2:48:09my life right now and the fact that
2:48:11every single person that I have in my
2:48:12life might not even make it to the
2:48:14funeral to speak over me while I'm dead
2:48:17it's like why on Earth would I listen to
2:48:18While I'm Alive like they can't even
2:48:20make it to probably the single most
2:48:22important in you know personal day of
2:48:23someone's life is someone's funeral
2:48:25right the one time you can pay your last
2:48:27respect and they don't even do that and
2:48:29so it's like why would I give any weight
2:48:32to what these people are doing when
2:48:33they're not even going to be there on
2:48:34the day that matters most and 6 months
2:48:36later they're not even remember who I
2:48:38was and anybody who's had a death in
2:48:39their family recently knows that in the
2:48:42moment it's terrible for you and then
2:48:43six months later life moves on but the
2:48:45thing is is that we just never paint
2:48:46ourselves as the person who dies but to
2:48:49me that's incredibly freeing because
2:48:50then it's like if 6 months after I'm
2:48:53dead no one is going to say my name no
2:48:55one is going to remember what I did then
2:48:57No One's Gonna then it doesn't matter
2:48:58what I do today and I think that some
2:49:00people see it as really uh hopeless but
2:49:02I see it as very hopeful because it
2:49:03means we have absolute freedom and we
2:49:05can do crazy like why have you
2:49:06money if you can't say you yeah
2:49:10learning isn't a spectator sport it
2:49:11comes from doing which means if you're
2:49:14not doing the stuff you consume every
2:49:15day you're not learning you're just
2:49:18procrastinating
2:49:19oo this is fun all right so I'm going to
2:49:21Define some
2:49:23terms
2:49:25learning let me say this
2:49:29way intelligence means rate of
2:49:33learning like that's what that's how
2:49:35remember I talk about operationalizing
2:49:36words so rate of learning is
2:49:37intelligence so then you which means
2:49:39it's a rate not a not an attribute as an
2:49:41aside which then means you have to
2:49:42Define learning learning means same
2:49:45condition new Behavior so if I hold up a
2:49:48red card and then I slap you and then I
2:49:51hold up a red card again and then you
2:49:52duck you've learned if you wake up every
2:49:55day and life shows you a red card and
2:49:58then you don't duck and you don't change
2:50:00then you have learned nothing and so if
2:50:02you go to a weekend and you go to a
2:50:03workshop and then the next day you go
2:50:06back and you do the exact same
2:50:08activities in the same conditions and
2:50:10you have no new Behavior it means you
2:50:12learned nothing it also means you're
2:50:14stupid because it means your rate of
2:50:16learning is slow so if someone is
2:50:19intelligent I can show them the red card
2:50:21and on the first go they change their
2:50:23behavior and so by defining intelligence
2:50:26that way and defining learning that way
2:50:28it allowed me to start thinking well I
2:50:30want to be smart and this circumstance
2:50:33had this outcome last time and so the
2:50:35next time I see this circumstance this
2:50:37red card I'm going to change my behavior
2:50:39and so when we consume the information
2:50:41that you have on this podcast or
2:50:42whatever it is there's probably a
2:50:44circumstance whether it's a conversation
2:50:45that you're supposed to have but you're
2:50:46aren't having it's a decision that you
2:50:48need to make but you're putting off
2:50:50that's the red card it comes up again
2:50:53and the question is whether you're going
2:50:54to get slapped or you're going to duck
2:50:56and that's whether you know whether you
2:50:58learned or not and every time you get
2:51:00shown the red card and you do the same
2:51:02exact thing you just prove to yourself
2:51:04that your rate of learning is slower and
2:51:06so for me I want to have that evidence
2:51:07that I learn quickly and for me that's
2:51:10why like people see me as ruthless as
2:51:12you said because I'm willing to cut
2:51:14relationships because if I think that
2:51:15I'm going to eventually cut the
2:51:17relationship then why would I not cut it
2:51:19today because I might as might as well
2:51:21start enjoying the benefits of cutting
2:51:22that relationship as soon as humanly
2:51:25possible Alex hosi ladies and gentlemen
2:51:27dude I love you the bits I I genuinely
2:51:29do uh I I think the work that you put
2:51:32out the messages that you put out are
2:51:34very very needed and yeah I could do
2:51:37this for days we could run this back
2:51:41literally for days and days and days so
2:51:43uh this is going to go out after your
2:51:45big event where should people go to
2:51:47support you to learn more about the
2:51:49that you do and and what have you got
2:51:50coming up well I've got my uh my next
2:51:52book $100 million leads uh the first
2:51:55book is $100 million offers which
2:51:56answers the question what should I sell
2:51:58so a lot of people are like what should
2:51:59I sell it tells you step by step
2:52:01everything you do like worksheets I have
2:52:02a free course that goes with it you
2:52:03don't even have to opt in it's on my
2:52:05site acquisition. comom you can just
2:52:06start watching it um I think the Kindle
2:52:08for offers is $1.99 like try to make I
2:52:11mean our mission is to make real
2:52:13business education accessible for
2:52:14everyone um $100 million leads has been
2:52:176 hours a day 600 a.m. to 12 12 uh 12
2:52:19p.m. every day for the last two years so
2:52:21the first six hours of every day has
2:52:22been dedicated to writing that book
2:52:24which is why I have 19 drafts four four
2:52:25four full rewrites there's 106
2:52:27hand-drawn images um that went in the
2:52:30book that I put in there um and I'm
2:52:32going to be releasing it at this event
2:52:33that Chris and I were talking about um
2:52:36so you're going to be listening to this
2:52:37after that event um and so you can go on
2:52:39Amazon it'll be available there or you
2:52:40can look at acquisition. comom because
2:52:42they'll be a course and things that you
2:52:44can go through free materials and that
2:52:47the the100 million leads answers the
2:52:49question who do I sell it to and so you
2:52:52need leads right so you're like okay
2:52:53great I have the thing I'm going to sell
2:52:55who how do I go get people to find out
2:52:57about it and so a lot of the things that
2:52:58I have in the book are defining some of
2:52:59the terms that people hear a lot which
2:53:01is like what is a lead what is
2:53:03advertising right advertising is the
2:53:05process of making known and so if no one
2:53:06knows about your stuff no one can buy it
2:53:08and so the reverse of that is everyone
2:53:09knows about your stuff and that book
2:53:10will show you how to get everyone to
2:53:11know about your stuff and the reason I
2:53:12made the event as big as I did was
2:53:14because I used every advertising method
2:53:15in the book to advertise the book itself
2:53:18so offers was an example of a grand slam
2:53:20offer was how do you make something so
2:53:21good everyone feels stupid saying no
2:53:22which is the sub headline of the book
2:53:24and so offers in in of itself was a
2:53:26grand slam offer which is what I argue
2:53:27that everyone should have it was a $2
2:53:28book that it comes with a course it
2:53:30comes with worksheets all these things
2:53:31and $100 million leads the way that I
2:53:33wanted to exemplify and meta show
2:53:36demonstrate that the concept of the book
2:53:38work today and will work tomorrow and
2:53:40will work in a 100 years is because
2:53:41humans haven't changed and so the
2:53:43process of making known Remains the Same
2:53:45because our hardwiring is the same so
2:53:47you don't need to know the Instagram
2:53:48hack because my first ever advertisement
2:53:50was on Facebook and I don't do anything
2:53:52on Facebook now and it doesn't matter
2:53:53and as soon as YouTube and podcast and
2:53:55all those things die the principles
2:53:58remain the same despite the platforms
2:54:00changing and so that is what I wrote
2:54:01each of these books because I want them
2:54:03to be around in 100 years and that's why
2:54:04I spent so long on them um but I'm very
2:54:07proud of the book and I think it's my
2:54:09best work to date Alex I appreciate you
2:54:11thank you man thank you oh hey if you
2:54:15enjoyed that episode with Alex hosi then
2:54:17press here for the one we did 6 months
2:54:19ago which goes for a full another 2
2:54:21hours go on press it

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