At My Parents' Anniversary Mom Humiliated My Failed IVF Publicly — Cole Had 17 Voicemails Saved — Transcript

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1. 0:00My name is Linda Sucker and I'm 33 years
2. 0:02old. My parents' 40th anniversary party
3. 0:05was supposed to be a celebration, but I
4. 0:07should have known better than to expect
5. 0:09one peaceful evening with my mother in
6. 0:11the room. The country club ballroom was
7. 0:13decorated exactly how my mother liked
8. 0:15things. Too much, too polished, too
9. 0:18perfect. White roses on every table, a
10. 0:21string quartet in the corner, and nearly
11. 0:2480 guests dressed like they were
12. 0:25attending a royal wedding instead of my
13. 0:27parents' anniversary dinner. My husband
14. 0:30Cole stood beside me in his charcoal
15. 0:31suit, his hand resting on the small of
16. 0:34my back the way it always did when he
17. 0:35sensed I was tense. He knew. He always
18. 0:39knew. We had been trying for a baby for
19. 0:41almost 3 years. Two rounds of IVF, both
20. 0:44failed. The second one had ended only 6
21. 0:47weeks earlier and I still hadn't told
22. 0:49most of my family the details, only that
23. 0:52it didn't work out this time. I wasn't
24. 0:54ready to talk about it. Grief like that
25. 0:56doesn't fit into small talk at a party.
26. 0:59But my mother has never respected doors
27. 1:01that are closed. Dinner had just been
28. 1:03served when she stood up with her
29. 1:05champagne glass in hand, tapping it
30. 1:07gently to get everyone's attention. She
31. 1:10loved toasts. She loved being the center
32. 1:12of every room. I assumed she'd talk
33. 1:15about my father, about their 40 years
34. 1:17together, maybe some story about how
35. 1:19they met. Instead, she looked directly
36. 1:22at me. "I just have to say," she began,
37. 1:24her voice carrying over the quiet
38. 1:26ballroom, "some of you know my daughter
39. 1:28Linda has been struggling to have
40. 1:29children. Two IVF attempts now, both
41. 1:33unsuccessful." She said it with a small
42. 1:35pitying laugh, like she was sharing a
43. 1:38funny anecdote about the weather. "I
44. 1:40keep telling her, maybe it's just not
45. 1:42meant to be. Not everyone is built for
46. 1:45motherhood." The room went silent in
47. 1:47that specific way rooms go silent when
48. 1:49everyone realizes something terrible
49. 1:51just happened and no one knows where to
50. 1:52look. I felt my face burn, felt 80 pairs
51. 1:56of eyes shift toward me. Felt my own
52. 1:59mother turn the most painful chapter of
53. 2:01my life into party entertainment. I
54. 2:03wanted to disappear.
55. 2:05I wanted to stand up and walk out of
56. 2:07that ballroom and never come back. My
57. 2:09hands were shaking under the table and I
58. 2:11stared down at my plate because I
59. 2:13couldn't bear to look at anyone. Then
60. 2:15Cole stood up. He didn't raise his
61. 2:17voice. He didn't even look angry, not in
62. 2:20the way you'd expect. He just set his
63. 2:23napkin down slowly, buttoned his jacket,
64. 2:25and turned to face my mother with a calm
65. 2:27that somehow felt more devastating than
66. 2:29shouting ever could. "Diane," he said,
67. 2:32using her first name, which he almost
68. 2:34never did. "I have 17 voicemails saved
69. 2:36on my phone from the last 3 years. Every
70. 2:39single one is Linda crying after a
71. 2:41failed appointment, a failed transfer, a
72. 2:43failed test result. 17 times I've had to
73. 2:46hold her together while she fell apart.
74. 2:49So, before you say another word about
75. 2:50what she's built for, I think everyone
76. 2:53here should understand what she's
77. 2:54actually been carrying." You could have
78. 2:56heard a pin drop in that ballroom. My
79. 2:59mother's smile, the same proud,
80. 3:01satisfied smile she'd worn since she
81. 3:03stood up with her champagne glass, began
82. 3:06to falter. Her eyes darted around the
83. 3:08room, suddenly aware that every guest,
84. 3:11including my father, including her own
85. 3:13sister, was staring at her instead of
86. 3:15me. "Cole, I didn't mean she started,
87. 3:18but he wasn't finished. You didn't mean
88. 3:20to humiliate your daughter at what
89. 3:22should have been a night about love? His
90. 3:24voice was still even, still controlled,
91. 3:27but there was something underneath it
92. 3:29now, something sharp. Because that's
93. 3:31exactly what you just did." I sat
94. 3:34frozen, tears burning behind my eyes,
95. 3:37watching my husband defend me in front
96. 3:38of the very people who were supposed to
97. 3:40protect me first. My father hadn't said
98. 3:43a word. He looked down at the tablecloth
99. 3:45like he wished he could fold himself
100. 3:47into it. My aunt had covered her mouth
101. 3:49with her hand. Even the wait staff near
102. 3:51the kitchen door had stopped moving. My
103. 3:54mother opened her mouth again, maybe to
104. 3:56apologize, maybe to defend herself. I
105. 3:59couldn't tell. But before she could get
106. 4:01another word out, Cole reached into his
107. 4:04jacket pocket and pulled out his phone.
108. 4:06"Would you like to hear one?" he asked
109. 4:08her quietly. "Because I think everyone
110. 4:10in this room should understand exactly
111. 4:12what not meant to be actually sounds
112. 4:14like." His thumb hovered over the screen
113. 4:17and that was the moment I realized my
114. 4:19mother had just made a mistake she was
115. 4:21not going to be able to walk back from.
116. 4:23The ballroom held its breath. Cole's
117. 4:25thumb still hovered over his phone
118. 4:27screen and for a moment I thought he was
119. 4:30actually going to play the recording
120. 4:31right there in front of everyone. Part
121. 4:34of me wanted him to. Part of me wanted
122. 4:36my mother to hear in my own broken voice
123. 4:39exactly what she had reduced to a
124. 4:41punchline. But Cole didn't play it.
125. 4:44Instead, he lowered the phone and looked
126. 4:46at my mother with something that wasn't
127. 4:47quite anger anymore. It was
128. 4:49disappointment. The kind that cuts
129. 4:51deeper than rage ever could. "I'm not
130. 4:54going to embarrass you the way you just
131. 4:55embarrassed her." he said. "Because
132. 4:58unlike you, I actually care about this
133. 5:00family staying intact tonight." My
134. 5:03mother's face had gone pale under her
135. 5:04makeup. She set her champagne glass down
136. 5:07on the table, her hand trembling
137. 5:09slightly. And for the first time in my
138. 5:11entire life, I watched Diane Zucker have
139. 5:14absolutely nothing to say. My father
140. 5:16finally spoke, his voice low and
141. 5:18unsteady.
142. 5:20"Diane, sit down." It wasn't a request.
143. 5:23In 40 years of marriage, I had rarely
144. 5:25heard him use that tone with her. She
145. 5:27sat slowly, her eyes still fixed
146. 5:30somewhere near the center of the table,
147. 5:32unable to meet mine. I stood up then. My
148. 5:35legs felt unsteady, but I needed to say
149. 5:37something. Not to defend myself, but
150. 5:40because I finally understood that
151. 5:42silence was exactly what had let this
152. 5:44happen for years. My mother had always
153. 5:46had opinions about my body, my choices,
154. 5:49my timeline. She'd made comments at
155. 5:52Thanksgiving, at Christmas, at my
156. 5:53birthday last year. I had absorbed all
157. 5:56of it quietly because I thought that was
158. 5:58what a good daughter did. Tonight, I
159. 6:00stopped. "You don't get to decide what
160. 6:02I'm built for." I said, my voice shaking
161. 6:04but clear enough for the room to hear.
162. 6:07"You don't get to turn my miscarriages
163. 6:08into a toast. Every one of those failed
164. 6:11transfers took something from me that I
165. 6:13don't think I'll ever fully get back,
166. 6:15and you stood up in front of 80 people
167. 6:16and made it a joke." My mother's lip
168. 6:18trembled. "Linda, I only meant I know
169. 6:22what you meant." I cut her off. "You
170. 6:25meant to make yourself the center of
171. 6:26attention, the way you always do. Even
172. 6:28at your own anniversary party, this had
173. 6:31to be about you." My aunt Carol, my
174. 6:33mother's own sister, quietly stood and
175. 6:35walked over, placing a hand on my
176. 6:38shoulder. "She's right, Diane." Aunt
177. 6:40Carol said softly. "You've done this
178. 6:42before. Tonight, you just did it in
179. 6:44front of everyone." The tension in the
180. 6:46room was suffocating, but underneath it,
181. 6:49something in me felt lighter than it had
182. 6:51in months. For years, I had swallowed
183. 6:54comments like these, telling myself it
184. 6:56wasn't worth the fight, that family
185. 6:58gatherings weren't the place for
186. 7:00confrontation. But watching Cole stand
187. 7:02up for me, watching him hold 17 months
188. 7:05of my grief in his phone like proof that
189. 7:07my pain was real and witnessed,
190. 7:09something shifted. I realized I didn't
191. 7:12have to earn my own defense. I didn't
192. 7:14have to justify my body, my losses, my
193. 7:17choices to anyone, especially not to the
194. 7:19woman who gave birth to me. My father
195. 7:22cleared his throat and stood, raising
196. 7:24his own glass with a shaking hand. "I
197. 7:27think," he said quietly, "we should
198. 7:29toast to Linda and Cole instead. To the
199. 7:31people in this family who actually show
200. 7:33up for each other." A few guests raised
201. 7:35their glasses hesitantly. Others simply
202. 7:38looked down, unsure whether it was
203. 7:40appropriate to celebrate after what had
204. 7:42just happened. My mother didn't raise
205. 7:44her glass at all. She sat frozen,
206. 7:47staring at the tablecloth. The woman who
207. 7:4930 seconds earlier had commanded the
208. 7:51entire room now unable to look up. Cole
209. 7:54reached for my hand under the table and
210. 7:56squeezed it. "You okay?" he whispered.
211. 7:59I wasn't, not completely. But I nodded
212. 8:02anyway, because for the first time in a
213. 8:03long time, I felt like someone had
214. 8:06finally seen exactly what I'd been
215. 8:07carrying and hadn't asked me to carry it
216. 8:10quietly. The rest of the dinner passed
217. 8:12in an uncomfortable blur, muted
218. 8:14conversation, forced smiles, the kind of
219. 8:17tension that lingers in a room long
220. 8:19after the actual moment has passed. My
221. 8:21mother didn't speak to me again that
222. 8:23night. She didn't apologize either, not
223. 8:25that evening, and honestly, I wasn't
224. 8:28sure she ever fully would. But something
225. 8:30had changed. For years, I had let her
226. 8:33words define how I saw myself, my body,
227. 8:36my worth. Tonight, in front of everyone
228. 8:38she tried to impress, I had finally
229. 8:41stopped. As we drove home that night,
230. 8:43Cole reached over and took my hand at a
231. 8:45red light. "For what it's worth," he
232. 8:48said, "I think you're exactly what
233. 8:50you're built for.
234. 8:51Everything about you." I looked out the
235. 8:53window, feeling the weight of the
236. 8:55evening finally settle into something
237. 8:57quieter, something almost like peace. If
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239. 9:02to defend yourself in a room that should
240. 9:03have already been on your side, do me a
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