ARON RALSTON & TIN MAN PART I: THE BEGINNING — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00All right, Tin Man, where are we off to?
2. 0:03We're going to the storm drain.
3. 0:06Meet Tin Man. He's the team navigator
4. 0:09and he's also fluent in different cave
5. 0:11languages.
6. 0:13Where's that at? Soccer field, baseball,
7. 0:17sports. I think it's in a pond.
8. 0:19He's also one of the smartest
9. 0:20motheruckers I know.
10. 0:23That's a nice uh
11. 0:25decoration you have in your car.
12. 0:28I don't believe in torsos.
13. 0:31And that's me, Aaron Rston. I'm a cave
14. 0:35enthusiast and a bit of a [ __ ]
15. 0:38I like women who just have one curve,
16. 0:41not two.
17. 0:42Welcome to the adventures of Aaron Rston
18. 0:45and Tin Man. Enjoy.
19. 0:58Born voyage explorers
20. 1:03tin man. Who am I?
21. 1:05Who want to be?
22. 1:06Oh, what's that guy who died to uh the
23. 1:08manoray?
24. 1:10Aaron Rston.
25. 1:12I'm Aaron Rston.
26. 1:13That's the guy who got his
27. 1:15My name's Aaron Rston. I'm here with Tin
28. 1:17Man and we're going to explore the
29. 1:19depths of a
30. 1:22cave we've heard word about. We don't
31. 1:26know what beast may lie within this
32. 1:28cave, but we're hoping it's a big one,
33. 1:32but we might end up getting stuck
34. 1:33between a rock and a hard place. Isn't
35. 1:36that right, Tin Man?
36. 1:37Yes.
37. 1:38All right, let's get in there. I Let's
38. 1:41find this first. We don't know where it
39. 1:43actually is. We seem to have found an
40. 1:44opening in uh in the brush. [music]
41. 1:50And Tin Man seems to feel really good
42. 1:53about this. So, we're going to send him
43. 1:55in. Bye.
44. 1:58Now, Tin Man is a man of steel.
45. 2:01Nothing hurts him. He's probably the
46. 2:04manliest man I know.
47. 2:07Little did he know
48. 2:10that that way leads to nothing.
49. 2:13You see a storm drain?
50. 2:15No, not yet.
51. 2:17All right, I'll be up here. I hate
52. 2:21nature. That's why they call me Aaron
53. 2:24Rston. Look at that prickle. Look at
54. 2:26that pricky bush. These are raspberries.
55. 2:29[music] You can eat those. Ah,
56. 2:32seemed to have gotten my genitals
57. 2:35snared.
58. 2:37Almost went head first into the deep
59. 2:39end. God.
60. 2:43What does this mean? Does it mean we're
61. 2:45close?
62. 2:47Says Oh. [laughter]
63. 2:52What does this mean? What is this
64. 2:54hieroglyphics? I think it means we're on
65. 2:57the right track.
66. 2:58I think so.
67. 2:58I'm glad those were just weird symbols
68. 3:00and not something meaningful.
69. 3:02I found
70. 3:03What'd you find?
71. 3:05I found Jay.
72. 3:07Yeah. Well, we found the cave. We just
73. 3:10have to wait for our balls to mature.
74. 3:11Glad to have my hard hat for this.
75. 3:14Yeah,
76. 3:15the year is 1770.
77. 3:19Smartphones have not been invented yet.
78. 3:20I'm filming this on a rock and we've
79. 3:25brought flashlights or a torch. After
80. 3:30you, Tin Man.
81. 3:31All right, man. It's really dark in
82. 3:33here.
83. 3:35Some more hieroglyphics.
84. 3:37F.
85. 3:39There's a C and a K. Even a U. What do
86. 3:43you think that means? [ __ ] [laughter]
87. 3:46Don't swear on my PG nature video. I
88. 3:50think I should tell you now. I uh I I
89. 3:53just my pants. I'm claustrophobic.
90. 3:58Don't worry. I hear there's a big tunnel
91. 4:00room for the boss battle. There is.
92. 4:03Yeah. Okay, let's keep going then. God
93. 4:06damn. This goes longer than my mother's
94. 4:09ass. I believe there is life down here.
95. 4:12[clears throat] An undiscovered species
96. 4:14that's about to be uncovered by Tin
97. 4:16Manon.
98. 4:18Our rosting
99. 4:20mother.
100. 4:22Let's go. Let's go. Onward. Giddy up.
101. 4:28Oh,
102. 4:29continue [laughter] wearing your tin tin
103. 4:31man helmet.
104. 4:34Iron Rston, it's your turn to leave.
105. 4:39My turn. But you've been doing so good.
106. 4:43I'm your backup.
107. 4:45I'm here for your safety. Thought I was
108. 4:47a backup. All right. All right.
109. 4:51Oh, I just stepped it.
110. 4:55What?
111. 4:57Oh my god. Bro, don't scare me like
112. 4:59that. Keep your eyes, dude. No, actually
113. 5:07it's just me. [laughter]
114. 5:09He's peeing himself.
115. 5:14Man, did you just piss yourself?
116. 5:16No, don't look back here. You must move
117. 5:20onwards. Oh my god, it's Don't worry,
118. 5:23guys. It's just my shadow. Let's
119. 5:26continue. Okay.
120. 5:30Do you want me to leave?
121. 5:31Yeah.
122. 5:34[laughter]
123. 5:34I'm so scared.
124. 5:40Oh my god,
125. 5:40dude. Slow down. You're going way too
126. 5:43bad.
127. 5:46There's poop running down my leg. That
128. 5:49seems to be poop running down my leg.
129. 5:52And Tin Man, slow the down.
130. 5:58Yeah, I got one [ __ ] hand, [ __ ]
131. 6:00We're traveling on the sides. I'm just
132. 6:06What is that?
133. 6:11Wait, look over there. Holy [ __ ]
134. 6:17that's a lot of
135. 6:20bull.
136. 6:22Let's get the out of here, dog. If we
137. 6:24die here, we must let other adventurers
138. 6:27know [music] that we were here. I don't
139. 6:30know what it is. I
140. 6:30This stuff's nasty. It's low sodium.
141. 6:35[ __ ]
142. 6:36Heck. [laughter]
143. 6:38Leave my mark. God, this paint sucks.
144. 6:42Get more. I got really hungry and I
145. 6:45started eating all the paint. So,
146. 6:47there's on the wall. It looks like
147. 6:50someone on the wall. I don't know who
148. 6:54who would do such a thing.
149. 6:55I don't know. I just found this kind of
150. 6:56peanut butter.
151. 6:59This pens are out of ink.
152. 7:03You hear that?
153. 7:05That's a demon. I got poop on my
154. 7:07fingers. I ran out of toilet paper. So
155. 7:11now I just stuck my finger up my ass.
156. 7:15I feel the cool iron rust.
157. 7:16Yeah, I'm going to wipe it. Oh my god,
158. 7:20that scared me.
159. 7:22Someone left the tang on.
160. 7:26You pissing yourself again.
161. 7:29I'm scared, man.
162. 7:33Is that some type of trick, I hear
163. 7:35Austin?
164. 7:36Yeah.
165. 7:37That's how you attract predators. Peanut
166. 7:39butter. I rub them on my balls to
167. 7:41attract wildlife.
168. 7:42Like what kind?
169. 7:44Dogs.
170. 7:45What are they going to do when they get
171. 7:46you?
172. 7:47Hopefully lick my balls.
173. 7:50Tin. I thought you knew this. We used to
174. 7:53do it as kids. Remember?
175. 7:55You don't tell them that.
176. 7:59The POS in this area.
177. 8:02Worse than the Wolverine worldwide dump
178. 8:05site.
179. 8:08I saw the war. I'm going insane, man.
180. 8:11Can't you see?
181. 8:13How many totals have we been through?
182. 8:16I don't I don't know. I think you're
183. 8:18looking real tasty right now, Tin Man.
184. 8:24We lost Tin Man. Oh, wait. No, he's
185. 8:27right there. That was close.
186. 8:29Do we go?
187. 8:30Yes. Come on.
188. 8:32These markings.
189. 8:33We need to decipher this quick. I think
190. 8:36it says How did you know?
191. 8:39I'm I'm good at this cuz I know
192. 8:41language. Oh, yeah. Here's another one.
193. 8:43You know what this one reads? No.
194. 8:46Here. This is
195. 8:50Oh, yeah. Down here. If you read these
196. 8:53subreddit, it's [ __ ] me. Oh,
197. 8:57someone wants to get down here. Huh? I
198. 9:00think we just found a [ __ ] house.
199. 9:02[laughter]
200. 9:03Come on, Tin Man. Let's go.
201. 9:06Oh, what the What the is that? Did you
202. 9:10just [ __ ] yourself, Tin Man, again?
203. 9:14Oh, [ __ ]
204. 9:17Huh? It smells like
205. 9:21Holy
206. 9:23Gh.
207. 9:25Holy. Oh my god. Tsunami.
208. 9:29Tsunami.
209. 9:37[music]
210. 9:37with me
211. 9:40to the butterflies and beer
212. 9:45through the [music] forest
213. 9:48and so we
214. 9:51[music]
215. 9:57holy
216. 10:00sound
217. 10:03like holy holy
218. 10:07[ __ ]
219. 10:09Heck. [laughter]