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Aron Ralston - The Hiker Who Cut Off His Own Arm After Being Trapped Under A Boulder For 127 Hours — Transcript

by Ryan Hawk · 9,640 words · 1,334 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00I think the answer to those questions
0:01reveal to all of us what's important in
0:04our lives and a lot of times they're
0:06typically not achievements goals that
0:09we've attained but rather it's
0:11relationships
0:18Aaron Ralston is so great to have you
0:20here on the learning leader show welcome
0:22man
0:23yeah thank you so much Ryan it's a it's
0:25a real honor to to even be considered a
0:28someone that I who has something to
0:31share for your for your learning leaders
0:33out there I'm really honored to be a
0:35part of this thanks well your story is
0:37amazing and I can't wait to get into it
0:38I've studied the word passion a lot
0:40mainly because you hear this advice
0:42follow your passion and do what you're
0:44passionate about and your definition is
0:47more in line with the way I think about
0:49it the quote is Passion that which I
0:52suffer allow endure is done to me what
0:58made you open your book with this
1:00definition of passion
1:02yeah I appreciate it somewhat references
1:05the The Passion of Christ The Suffering
1:08that it's it's that we are here with a
1:10purpose that that is somehow bigger than
1:12us that even just as an individual or as
1:15an entity as a being in the world and
1:17and as part of the universe expressing
1:20itself and so in some regards there's
1:22something about it that's like it's not
1:24really even yeah my choices much it's
1:28just that this is my path and and I
1:31probably explained that a little bit as
1:33a preemptive defense uh what were you
1:36even doing out there why are you doing
1:37these things with with your life like
1:39you realize it's dangerous outside and
1:43so I I offer that a little bit because
1:45it's always been at least in my
1:47adulthood who I am as in following that
1:51passion being compelled by it I mean in
1:54some regards it's even an addiction in a
1:56way at least how I've had to manage it
1:59so something to kick it off to say right
2:02you're going to have some questions and
2:04you're going to wonder who the hell is
2:06this guy but I'm gonna lay it out there
2:08for you and say and I'm apart from
2:10perfect and my execution is obviously I
2:13mean it's it's kind of an irony I think
2:15that I've become known around the globe
2:18for what's at least on some level the
2:20biggest mess up that I've ever had in my
2:23life so yeah yeah well
2:26the the word passion I like the
2:29etymology of words the word passion
2:30comes from the word passio
2:33p-a-s-s-i-o and that is defined as to
2:36suffer comma endure and so I that's why
2:40I identified with that because when that
2:42advice is given
2:43it really the question is what are you
2:45willing to suffer for what are you
2:47willing to endure and and it's not just
2:50how do you wake up and do the easiest
2:53most happiest thing is no what are you
2:55willing to suffer for are you willing to
2:56to endure and a lot of stuff that you do
2:58or do currently and have done in the in
3:01your past there there's a suffering
3:04element to it and I I think there's a
3:06lot to draw from so I love that part
3:08about you I want to get into your story
3:10which I'm sure a lot of people are
3:12familiar with but they haven't heard you
3:14directly tell it maybe they've watched a
3:16movie about it starring James Franco or
3:19maybe some have read your book but to me
3:21I was most curious to hear directly from
3:24you so can you take us back in time
3:26Aaron it's April in 2003 right your
3:31Canyon nearing is that how you say it
3:33canineering and blue John Canyon yeah
3:35just to set a little bit of context too
3:37is that at that point this was 20 years
3:39ago just about
3:41eight weeks ago now that here we are
3:43recording in June that it was the end of
3:46winter climbing season for me I was at
3:50that point an amateur but highly engaged
3:53Adventurer that I was working towards
3:55becoming a professional in that regard
3:57and the project that I was working on at
4:00the time that it again in that sense of
4:03passion that it can help me it led me to
4:07quit my career as a mechanical engineer
4:09I'd been working at Intel Corporation
4:11for five years I was now living in Aspen
4:14following my dreams that I was working
4:15in a mountaineering shop and I was
4:17trying to climb all of the highest and
4:18most difficult mountains in Colorado we
4:21have the fourteeners and again to set
4:24the stage then I was out there doing
4:25something that no one else had ever done
4:27before which was climbing all of these
4:29mountains in the wintertime solo which
4:32yeah as you level up with degree of
4:35difficulty it's it's not it's the
4:37highest level of mountaineering
4:39Challenge and
4:42so you can understand why nobody had
4:44done it before
4:45I had already been through five winter
4:48seasons with this project and at the end
4:51of this fifth one where I'd climbed
4:53Capitol Peaks the Maroon Bells pyramid
4:55Peak these are the mountains around
4:57Aspen they give it it's kind of its soul
5:00and Essence and also reputation as maybe
5:03some of the most dangerous mountains in
5:04North America and
5:07it was time for a vacation so I know I'm
5:10I'm ready to go out Winter's over it's
5:12time to to get some sand in my shoes and
5:15some sun on my face and not be inundated
5:18by wrists and Hazards of avalanches or
5:21Lizards or frostbite all the rest of
5:24this that so I'm out on a walk in the
5:26park
5:27and I had
5:30I realized yeah you can kind of chuckled
5:34because I mean a 15 mile bike ride
5:37followed by 15 Mile candy during the
5:39sense in a matter of 10 hours or so for
5:41a lot of folks that does not exactly
5:42sound like a day at the beach but if
5:44that was for me gearing down quite a lot
5:46in order to I just go out and have some
5:49fun rebuild a little bit of what I had
5:51put into that winter of climbing so I'm
5:55on my journey that day it finished the
5:58bike ride it's now noon and I'm into the
6:02upper end of the canyon again I'm facing
6:05about 15 miles of hiking and descending
6:07through the canyon we have ropes deer
6:10with me I come across two young women
6:12who are also out for a for an adventure
6:15Megan and Christy are hiking along and
6:17yeah you see in the movies James Franco
6:20comes along and they're like oh let's
6:22chase Franco I had to work at it a
6:25little bit more to develop but we did
6:27develop a very quick friendship and
6:29we're moving down through the upper
6:31Canyon they leave and I tried to get
6:34them to come with me they tried to get
6:36me to come with them
6:37but they did about five miles of the
6:39canyon I still had 10 miles left to go
6:41but we plan to get together the next day
6:44I was on my own then and get down to the
6:47lower slot of blue John which is about
6:50seven miles from the the beginning and
6:54still eight miles from where my my truck
6:55was parked and I
6:59got to a drop off in the bottom of the
7:01canyon so it's a Slot Canyon it's only
7:03really just barely wider than your
7:05shoulders three three and a half feet
7:07across and it's dropping away now in
7:11front of me about 12 feet down and there
7:13are Boulders that have been pushed by
7:15flash floods and moved by the geologic
7:17processes that are happening out there
7:19in the desert but primarily these floods
7:22will wedge The Boulders between the
7:24walls and the canyon and then either
7:26create dams or in some cases little
7:29staircases as had happened that I was
7:33still at the top of this kind of cascade
7:35of Boulders going down to the continuing
7:38Canyon floor and I began down climbing
7:41off of the bus tire size rock that was
7:44wedged at the top of the sequence so I
7:47was standing on it then I'm draping my
7:49body over it so I'm kind of hanging
7:51there and in a moment when I'm at full
7:54extension and I'm only hanging from the
7:57Boulder and my feet aren't touching the
7:58next Rock and the in the series yet I
8:01pulled that Boulder loose and I followed
8:03the bottom of the canyon
8:05the Rock is now loose and falling for my
8:08head and in that moment I wouldn't put
8:09my hands up to try to protect myself get
8:12outcome underneath the Boulder and save
8:15my Cranium if I can which I do but I've
8:18exposed my hands and The Rock smashed my
8:20left hand just very briefly against the
8:22left wall of the canyon the ricocheted
8:24it smashed my right hand against the
8:26right wall of the canyon to rebounded
8:28again and then that moment where there
8:30was a gap that opened up between the
8:32Boulder and the wall of the canyon on my
8:33right side my right arm slipped into
8:36that Gap and then
8:38the constricting walls of the canyon
8:41tapered down in this kind of hourglass
8:44pinch right in front of my chest The
8:47Rock comes slamming down becomes wedged
8:50between the walls again just seven feet
8:53lower from where it had been it's right
8:55in front of me and it snared my arm
8:57crushing my forearm and my entire right
9:01hand in this Gap just impossibly small
9:04gap between the Boulder and the canyon
9:07wall this is where I realize not only
9:10the pain but the adrenaline and the
9:12crisis of all of this I understand that
9:15I I'm in a really bad situation and I I
9:19lost control for 45 minutes going into
9:22an hour even I just thrashed against
9:25that rock I tried ripping my arm free I
9:29tried lifting the boulder I just made it
9:30move why can't I make a move again
9:33and it's all future and worse than
9:35futile because I'm wasting precious
9:38limited resources my
9:40my body's energy at one point I stop and
9:44I chug almost a third of the one liter
9:47of water that I had had with me at that
9:51time I started off with the four leaders
9:53and about a gallon by this point I've
9:56drank over three-fourths of that and
9:58then I'm now down to just two-thirds of
10:01the liter I mean we're talking you know
10:03two Coke cans of water left at which
10:07point I I understood in the desert
10:11especially it's just always in your
10:12water is life and that's my life now
10:16what's left in this nounging bottle I
10:18can't afford to waste anything else I
10:20have to stop and that was where I really
10:24got to the first I'm gonna say the maybe
10:26the first good choice that I made in all
10:28of this because I've been out there on
10:30my own I hadn't told anyone where I was
10:32going nobody even know what state I was
10:34in Megan and Christy are the only people
10:35who know with any degree where I'm at
10:37then but when I I don't show up and they
10:40think I've flaked out I just realized
10:42how
10:43how severely I've messed up in this but
10:49to be accountable for what the choices
10:52you've made that have gotten you into a
10:54place and then to retain that the power
10:56that you you still have by making making
10:59new choices to maybe get yourself out
11:02I was able to use kind of a basic crisis
11:05management protocol reduced it to an
11:07acronym stop which is to stop and just
11:10breathe
11:12give yourself a pause find a little gap
11:15between maybe the emotions the thoughts
11:18the the adrenaline the fight or flight
11:20response give yourself that that that
11:23little bit of a reset and for me then
11:27the t is to think and it's the higher
11:30brain function not the fight or flight
11:33response it's the to start brainstorming
11:36problem solving rational thinking this
11:39is something as a mechanical engineer as
11:40I mentioned my background this is my
11:43wheelhouse and and so then the O is to
11:47make observations about your
11:49circumstance come up with some options
11:51and pee decide on a plan so I start
11:54working through this and defining the
11:56problem The Boulders on my arm but how
11:58exactly is the geometry holding me there
12:01how is my hand crushed can I lift the
12:04rock can I build an anchor maybe reflect
12:06some light up to a passing aircraft or
12:08even smoke signals
12:10there's no cell phone cover even
12:13satellite phones don't work and where
12:14you can't see the sky the bottom of a 50
12:17foot deep hole and there are other
12:18Boulders directly above me just all but
12:21blocking out the invisible sky
12:23that other people coming along maybe who
12:26might happen upon me or thinking of the
12:28intentional rescue and how that might
12:29play out all of these options and that
12:33that are playing out and he's been in
12:35that first a few minutes of gathering my
12:38thoughts and trying to apply this
12:41problem solving
12:42kind of rubric and and this Voice pops
12:45up in my head and I I just even said it
12:48out loud dude you're gonna have to cut
12:50your arm off
12:51to which I replied out loud I'm like how
12:54do I cut my arm off in the beginning
12:56it's not like it's not my go-to move
12:58right oh there's something wrong how to
13:00like get the knife but it's like no I
13:04understood and I think we all have that
13:05intuition that when we're in this this
13:07moment we know what is demanded or what
13:10is required of us and yet we resist we
13:13don't want to do that and it's it's
13:15entirely understandable and at the same
13:18time it denies who we are as human
13:20beings we are our adapters whether we
13:23adapt our surroundings which we're very
13:26good at or we that we adapt ourselves
13:28which we're also very capable in I knew
13:30if that was on the list it goes to the
13:32bottom of the list okay we're gonna go
13:33through everything else
13:34and so that first afternoon the first
13:37night of carving away at the rock with
13:39this multi-tool knife that I have trying
13:41to remove enough Sandstone to get my
13:43hand free
13:45that fails I mean in 15 hours working by
13:47headlamp through all the way to the
13:49second morning Sunday morning that by
13:53that point April 27 2003
13:56and I've removed half of a golf ball
14:00uh but I'm going to have to remove more
14:02half of a
14:04basketball
14:05in order to get my my hand out of How
14:08It's trapped there and so I just
14:10realized oh that's going to take a month
14:12clearly I've only got I don't have
14:14adequate water it's the first thing I've
14:17got maybe two days left to survive here
14:21I sat down in my carving tool and and I
14:25move on trying to to now improvise a
14:29pulley system out of the climbing ropes
14:31and the Rocks up overhead and building
14:33an anchor and five hours later three to
14:34one five to one to six to one advantages
14:36of connecting acrosively I just I was
14:39skilled as a climber as a search and
14:41rescue technician as an engineer I'm
14:43just going back to my training and doing
14:45what I can except doing it one-handed
14:48and with only my body weight to be able
14:51to pull on the Rope but because I'm
14:53using a stretchable climbing rope taxes
14:56ideal of when you're up on the side of a
14:59cliff and you peel off you want the
15:01bungee cord effect that doesn't snap
15:02your spine but in this case as I I've
15:05made the analogy is like trying to lift
15:08a bowling ball with a rubber band it
15:10just keeps stretching stretching and
15:11stretching so I'm better off putting my
15:13hand under the Rock and trying to lift
15:15it than with all this rigging that I've
15:17put up so that option fails here now
15:21noon on Sunday Megan and Christy aren't
15:24coming back they think I flaked out that
15:26other canyoneers there aren't any
15:28because it's 2003 and nobody's heard of
15:30blue John Canyon and a couple dozen
15:33people a year might get down into this
15:34this particular spot where I am but I'll
15:38be a skeleton mummified in the desert
15:41before somebody finds me again because
15:43of the the choices that I made choices
15:46that had led to me being there alone
15:48without anyone knowing and
15:50so an intentional rescue wasn't going to
15:54find me in time by the time as it would
15:57work out my roommates my manager at work
15:59ultimately my mom would all be involved
16:02in Search and Rescue
16:04operation but that
16:07yeah
16:08as opposed to my winter 14er
16:10mountaineering project where I would
16:12always leave a detailed itinerary and a
16:15note that said here's my vehicle
16:17information where it's going to be
16:18parked if you don't hear from me by this
16:20time hey roommate Imam call this
16:23sheriff's department and they'll send
16:25out Vehicles they'll start the search
16:27and rescue process
16:29but just having totally miscalculated
16:32the the possibility of risk or some kind
16:35of Calamity yeah why didn't you tell
16:37people did you was this just because it
16:39was a walk in the park is that why yeah
16:40people walk in the park I don't need to
16:42tell anybody
16:43yeah it was it was for me the equivalent
16:45of I think what most people would feel
16:47like now I'm just taking the dog out for
16:49a bathroom run it is it was just this is
16:52so not the things that I was undertaking
16:56tremendous risks in doing and and to
16:59think too yeah the kind of just the
17:01freak nature it's it's not it's every
17:03day that you hear about somebody getting
17:04trapped by a rock and it just isn't even
17:07in your mind that that could be the
17:11thing I figure oh I'm sprained ankle or
17:14even a broken leg I can I can get myself
17:16out of of the Wilderness even if
17:19something happens and yet here realizing
17:23whoa I just never could have foreseen
17:25this
17:26but again it's to to come back to okay
17:29so those were the choices I made I'm in
17:32this I've created this I also then by
17:36retaining that that accountability by
17:38taking that responsibility for what I've
17:40created I have the power to create
17:42something different and I'm working
17:45through nobody's coming that means I'm
17:48I'm here I have to get myself out on my
17:51own and and now we're down to that last
17:53option to cut my arm off did you did you
17:56ever consider I mean this not to go dark
17:59but killing yourself
18:01no it was not immediately at this point
18:05on Sunday afternoon on my my radar but
18:08it would be within the next 24 hours
18:11that I was there because of course
18:14at the moment where even
18:16by Sunday afternoon I've been out there
18:18in the desert for 30 hours on my own I
18:21figure out a tourniquet my mindset has
18:23shifted from I don't want to cut my arm
18:25off I'm okay if I'm going to do this how
18:27can I mitigate some of the issues that
18:29we can potentially arise blood loss the
18:31big one I'm eight miles from my vehicle
18:3460 miles from that point out these
18:36winding washboarded dirt roads that
18:38anybody who's been out in southern Utah
18:40there's a lot that's just incredibly
18:43remote some of the last places Even in
18:46our country to be mapped as it were the
18:49the the hideouts for Butch Cassidy's
18:52Wild Bunch there there's that's why this
18:54this area I was in is no it's kind of
18:56colloquially known as the robbers Roost
18:58because it was it was the farthest away
19:00place where they could they could go to
19:02and the Vigilantes couldn't really Chase
19:04it down so to say now okay I'm gonna try
19:09to cut my arm off but I understood that
19:12even just pressing that knife against my
19:14arm in those moments that it was a slow
19:16Act of suicide and so this is where kind
19:20of realizing oh I cut my arm off I'm
19:23gonna bleed to death before I even get
19:25to my truck let alone and here I I have
19:28this kind of like
19:30perverse sense of humor in a way because
19:32I was chuckling I have to buy a stick
19:34shift yeah
19:37I'm standing there at the Rock and just
19:38cursing myself and laughing of course of
19:41course that would have this that's how
19:43this is gonna end it's like get out of
19:45here with your car and you're like I
19:46don't have a right arm anymore yeah
19:48upside down desert in an explosion so at
19:52that point knew that I was I was now not
19:55just in the bottom of the canyon but I'm
19:57in my grave I'm gonna die here
20:00and and it would come back that that
20:03idea of considering suicide but because
20:05I knew it was going to end it's going to
20:07end really badly and why wait for it but
20:11I I prayed something the way I was
20:13trained to to get in touch with my
20:16guidance and intuition and I don't mean
20:18to proselytize but I say for anybody
20:20that whatever it is that you do if it's
20:23through meditative work or just going to
20:27your happy place the finding Clarity
20:28that do that thing practice it like be
20:31ready to apply it because that's what
20:35you're gonna have when when you end up
20:37in a situation and I use that tool to
20:41find a resolution that I was not going
20:43to take action against myself I was not
20:45going to cut my arm just enough to lead
20:48to death on purpose that I was going to
20:50see this through the end and that
20:53resolve was ultimately it became this
20:55this enormous source for me because all
20:59right I am a applying myself I am
21:01committed it's three o'clock nobody's
21:03coming nobody's gonna happen to find me
21:05I'm gonna be dead here before long
21:07before someone locates my body and so
21:11what do I have left to do but to look
21:12into this this video camcorder lens and
21:15start saying my goodbyes
21:18and I asked people to consider
21:21if you were there you were standing in
21:24your grave who would you reach out to
21:26and what would you say to them
21:30I think the answer to those questions is
21:33they certainly
21:34revealed to me
21:37I think they reveal to all of us what's
21:38important in our lives and a lot of
21:41times it's not what we
21:43perhaps have oriented Our Lives towards
21:47that it's not typically not achievements
21:49goals that we've attained but rather
21:53it's relationships because that was what
21:56I found myself immediately speaking to
21:59is whoever finds this tape get it to my
22:01parents I wish their names address
22:04and then I
22:07take a pause and I'm looking into that
22:09lens and I'm talking to my mom and my
22:11dad
22:12and saying that I'm sorry
22:14and I love you
22:17and thank you
22:21it would go on to include my sister and
22:23I asked her to do great things with her
22:25life bring honor to our family and I
22:27love you and it would
22:29include my extended family
22:32my best friends my chosen family and
22:34really what I was experiencing there was
22:38connection
22:40as isolated as as I was and yet there
22:44was this buoyancy that came at this
22:46elevation that came from connecting with
22:48my loved ones and that's the that's what
22:52I
22:54what what I would end up drawing from
22:56and on
22:59oh
23:00for the following days it would be
23:03resolved to see this through and it all
23:07kept coming back and I emphasized and I
23:09want to I guess reiterate this is that
23:12for for leaders especially that knowing
23:15what is important both you and to your
23:18team to others that by being in touch
23:22with that that is your ultimate source
23:24for everything else that you're going to
23:25need the movie to come back to 127 Hours
23:29there's a there's a slogan they came up
23:31with that there's no force on Earth more
23:33powerful than the will to live which
23:35okay uh if you're gonna have a a slogan
23:38for your life that's not bad but what I
23:41was really experiencing though is that
23:43it was that there's no force or powerful
23:44in the will to love and that's the point
23:47that if I could edit that because that's
23:51what keeps us going and what would pick
23:53me up time and again when I would hit
23:55bottom and I would find myself
23:57despairing his
23:59by the third day that I'm there the
24:01calculus of all this my survival in this
24:04place my survival if I try to get out of
24:06there well the probability of dying on
24:08the way out here that's starting to look
24:09pretty good compared to the certainty of
24:11dying here
24:13so why not go for it I even tried
24:15cutting in my arm and the knife was too
24:18dull I couldn't even cut the hair off my
24:19skin so I'm like depressed and
24:22disturbing but I would turn that video
24:24camera on through that lens connect with
24:26my family
24:28the memories of of a life well lived and
24:32all of the relationships the family
24:34vacations that would rebuild me and I
24:37think what I learned from that is that
24:39you cannot simultaneously hold the
24:41profound despair in your heart and
24:43profound gratitude that as you can
24:46curate gratitude and cultivate that it
24:49will actually displace these other
24:51darker negative emotions and I would do
24:55that even understanding and becoming
24:57aware of this is what I'm doing for
24:59myself right now
25:00okay here's another low Point get the
25:03camera back out think about something
25:05that you're grateful for tell that
25:07person and that is on the other side of
25:09this camera watching this and
25:12it was
25:14not just reliable but it became my like
25:16blood my my story was your way to
25:20connect with your loved ones a way to
25:22talk to them even though you couldn't
25:24but what was it like watching the videos
25:26after with them did you watch them
25:28together what did you do
25:30yeah I would end up sharing with my
25:33parents first and and then many of the
25:36friends who I spoke to my sister also
25:39watched it ultimately I would even just
25:41end up sharing it with Danny Boyle and
25:43yeah Franco and the film team and so
25:45that they could recreate it for the film
25:46project but that it was the the
25:49emotional completion of being able to
25:53say that the most important things those
25:55most important people I said now I
25:57actually got to do this together and
25:59know I'm alive this isn't a funeral that
26:01this is a part of it's a truly a
26:04celebration of life and what was it like
26:07with your parents with your loved ones
26:09what was what were those I can't even
26:11imagine
26:13well I think you can understand the the
26:16messages that I was expressing or the
26:18most heartfelt things that you can
26:20express and so that's profound and it's
26:22bonding and it's it's the kind of thing
26:24we're hugging and crying together going
26:27through a box of cleaning
26:28the other thing that is happening is
26:31that it's a video that I would shoot for
26:34a few minutes a couple times a day and
26:37over the hour of then
26:39footage that is compiled on that tape
26:42it's essentially a time lapse of
26:45watching someone die yeah
26:47and that is
26:49traumatizing no matter especially if
26:52like oh that's my son no for my mom it
26:57it ended up I think
26:59on the plus side
27:00reinforcing the the love and the
27:03connection that we have and you know on
27:06the other side it was something that she
27:08ended up having to go through a lot of
27:09therapy and even hypnotherapy to
27:11effectively eradicate memories of having
27:14watched that because of what the that
27:18aspect of the experience you're hearing
27:20my voice as I become more and more
27:22severely dehydrated elevating in Pitch
27:24until it's almost an octave and a half
27:26higher than what my normal voice is
27:29you're watching my cheeks sinking in as
27:31I'm losing seven pounds per 24 hours
27:34that I'm there and so it's each day
27:37there's less and less and less of a
27:40human being on the screen
27:42that
27:43all of that put together yeah I think
27:46you can imagine that's why I don't share
27:47it it's not publicly available you can
27:49see the first 30 seconds of it that I I
27:52didn't give to NBC and Tom brokaw's the
27:56desperate days in blue John Canyon
27:58Dateline documentaries you can see it
28:00it's real it's there
28:02and then why the rest of it is not
28:05because I'm not going to have that out
28:07there where it might re-traumatize my
28:08mom at some point where it pops up on
28:10the internet again
28:12when's the last time you watched them
28:14it's it's been
28:16I'm gonna say it's it's been close to a
28:18decade because with the film project and
28:20then a few times after that that but I
28:25did transcribe everything that I said
28:28into my book so you know the important
28:31part of that is is that in any situation
28:34that you find yourself in where you're
28:36you're feeling out of control you're
28:38ungrounded we're to go through this
28:40process to breathe to re-center yourself
28:42to come back to ground and then to tap
28:45into your motivation to whatever it is
28:47and that's what I was doing and would
28:49come back to the time and again that's
28:51how I would surviving as this the clock
28:54rolls 72 hours out there and now I
28:57realize light bulb moment oh I don't
28:58just have to try to saw into my arm I
29:00can actually take that knife like a
29:02dagger and
29:03you hear the sound effect from psycho of
29:06course I stab myself that it's it's
29:09comical to me almost because I actually
29:10got through my skin I like this was
29:13euphoric this is progress so I'm gonna
29:15get out of here except I understand that
29:17the knife touching the bone inside I'd
29:20sooner slice through the boulder than
29:21and cut through the bone to end up in
29:23this situation again like now founding a
29:26sub-basement of depression that is even
29:31below the bottom that I thought I had
29:32already hit it was by connecting once
29:35more and coming back to my family my
29:37loved ones okay I'm gonna hold on yeah
29:39I've got another open wounds now the
29:41option to just cut a little more is
29:43right there but no I'm going to see this
29:46through the end day four
29:49turns to night four
29:51day five I've more than doubled the
29:54amount of time that I was yeah night I I
29:58can't even imagine what were the nights
30:00like did you sleep
30:08of muscle structure in my body would
30:12would cause my arm to to change position
30:15and if I slouched by torquing my arm it
30:21would the pain would spike this is a
30:23constant feeling of having my I mean my
30:27my forearm was crushed to the wind with
30:29my pinky finger the the sixth of its
30:32normal
30:33span
30:34and that's it's just
30:37that was constant now I wasn't fixated
30:40on it because you know you think of a
30:43noxious smell that you're stuck around
30:46and eventually your brain stops paying
30:47attention to it or an alarm that's going
30:49off and then after an hour like all
30:51right yeah I got it you just kind of
30:54stop hearing it so for me if so long as
30:57I didn't change positions
30:59the pain would kind of Fade Into the
31:03background despite being like the most
31:04severe pain I'd ever felt life but I had
31:06accepted it all right there's nothing to
31:08do about it why pay attention to it
31:11except then so I couldn't yeah I
31:13couldn't even take cat is all this time
31:15is going and now it's been 96 hours 100
31:19hours and
31:21and that was where I gave up I want to
31:23say that yeah I see your eyebrows there
31:27but and I understand too because
31:28people's conception of my experience in
31:31the canyon is that I just persevered
31:33that I held on I don't think it's being
31:35that vulnerable but it's just being
31:36honest to say I went through that time
31:39where I recognized that I didn't have
31:42control anymore and it in fact that
31:45actually felt good to recognize that to
31:47to even get to this very clear place
31:51where I decided Well would I rather keep
31:54frustrating Myself by trying to keep
31:57getting out of here or just understand
31:59it's not up to me anymore and that that
32:02means I can I can stop I can just be and
32:07and that actually allowed me to very
32:10calmly abide through these
32:13what I understood to be the really final
32:15remaining hours that I would have to the
32:18fifth night and you mentioned yeah the
32:21nights were especially difficult not
32:23only did I not sleep but it was also a
32:26time when the temperature would drop 80
32:27degree high temperatures during the day
32:29up in the sun down in the bottom of the
32:32spot though it was more of a wine cellar
32:34kind of effect where the Sun never gets
32:36down there the high temperature would be
32:38maybe 55 60 degrees of air temperature
32:41the walls would stay cold I mean
32:44refrigerator cold 40s and then the air
32:47when it would blow down the sun would
32:51set it
32:52the temperature would drop to yeah 40
32:54degrees 38 degrees 36 degrees it even I
32:58got down within a few degrees of
33:00freezing while I was there and I'm in
33:01shorts on a t-shirts so there's this
33:03nine ten hour episode every night of
33:06just hypothermic shivering so you put it
33:09all together just the dehydration every
33:12time you breathe out you exhale on the
33:14desert you lose body moisture the of
33:17course starvation having almost no food
33:20I was drinking my own urine by by this
33:23point at least sipping it and that's
33:27that definitely gives you some context
33:29for what constitutes a bad day I have to
33:32say whatever else comes up in life at
33:34this point really Aaron come on yeah I'm
33:36complaining it's not I mean permeable to
33:40The Temptations were whining that's
33:43actually a good point with perspective I
33:45know yeah sometimes but there is a time
33:49in your life and this is just wild I'm
33:51talking to this dude who had this happen
33:52your arm is
33:55crushed and stuck
33:57in a boulder you've given up you're
33:59gonna die you're drinking your own urine
34:03I mean it doesn't get any worse than
34:05that man when you're in traffic
34:08there's no way you could complain or
34:10when like when the flight's delayed
34:12there's no is there complaining still or
34:14are you like no this is nothing my
34:16flight's oftentimes there's an initial
34:18complaint and then like as as any of us
34:21can do I think we can take on a little
34:23bit of a bigger perspective on things
34:24and and not to minimize what our
34:26experience is in any given moment but to
34:28to also see that there's there's a great
34:32deal of ant in life so like yes this is
34:36true and all of these other things are
34:39also true which is that I've been
34:41through bigger things than this I've
34:43learned lessons that will help me in
34:46this situation that I might someday
34:47learn lessons even from what I'm going
34:49through now and that way I can take some
34:51perspective of perhaps even being able
34:53to welcome adversity and again at the
34:55moment rather than wishing it away
34:57because I know it's going to help me
34:59grow it is one of the biggest lessons
35:02that I've taken from my experience in
35:04the canyon is to understand how one of
35:07the I think anybody might look at that
35:09and say like that's the worst thing that
35:10could happen in life but for me what it
35:12really was was one of the best things
35:14that's ever happened in my life in my
35:15life and this is before we're even
35:16getting to the actual amputation and
35:18rescue and escaping because it taught me
35:21what was important in my life to to be
35:23able to connect with relationship when
35:25those moments of Crisis to it gave me a
35:29sense of confidence that that I'm a lot
35:31more capable than I that I might suspect
35:33thinking I had two days to survive but I
35:36ended up thriving for five and a half
35:37days there that it was something really
35:41by the end when we get to the the moment
35:45of my Escape here that after a fifth
35:48night where I took the knife and I
35:50carved into the wall above my left
35:51shoulder my name and then oct75 my birth
35:56month and then apr03 I took to be my
36:01death month and at the top rip I I gave
36:05myself an epic Epitaph I'd said my
36:09goodbyes my will and testament I'm in my
36:11grave this is over and yet in the middle
36:14of that night
36:15I had an out-of-body experience that was
36:19the only time that that this happened
36:22for me while I was I was trapped there
36:25but that I actually left my body was
36:27still by the boulder but I walked away
36:30the wall where my epcap was slid open I
36:33I entered a hallway I was in the living
36:36room there was a little boy that I
36:38interacted with I scooped him up his
36:40blonde hair these beautiful blue eyes
36:43three and a half years old or so they
36:45came knocking into me and I'm lifting
36:47him up and I'm seeing this the eyes
36:49behind my head but then I'm I have a
36:52left hand and a handless right arm and
36:54I'm holding him and dancing around and
36:56Daddy Let's play as I say and this I'm
37:00not a mystical person but it is
37:02absolutely the most mystical experience
37:06at my life that got me through the night
37:09that I had said I was not going to to
37:11see the dawn on the other side of is it
37:15actually turned to May 1st at midnight
37:17my watch let me know and I had to
37:19I had to decide whether or not to
37:21scratch out April in the wall in May
37:24yeah
37:27I made it another day come on of course
37:30I can't get anything right
37:34wow but that was how convinced I was I
37:36was going to die I was not going to see
37:38the dawn I left April there because I
37:39didn't set out but that little boy
37:41helped me to get through that last night
37:43to see the Don 124 hours being out there
37:46in the desert 125 hours 126 hours and I
37:50knew as much as that was a vision of a
37:52future
37:53son that I would someday have and I
37:56would meet him that meant I had to get
37:57out of here this was not going to be the
37:59end of me I was convinced of that and
38:03how can you cut your arm off the knife
38:04it's too dull to get through the bone
38:06you can't
38:07until
38:09at 127 Hours
38:12of solitude and entrapment I realized
38:15you talk about megawatts of electricity
38:18and this light bulb experience happening
38:20in my brain you don't have to cut the
38:22bone hair and use the boulder use the
38:24boulder in this Epiphany just floods
38:27over for me I can just euphoric rush and
38:30I understand the torque to bend my arm
38:33just enough against The Rock as how a
38:35two by four and a vice grip and I
38:37snapped the bone in my arm it is not the
38:40kind of thing that most people respond
38:42to with a smile and yet that is exactly
38:45how I reacted is that I'm beaming now
38:49because that's it I just solved this
38:51this puzzle that was the riddle then I
38:54understand actually there are two bones
38:55in your forearm
38:57do I have to do it again and I reverse
38:59the forces my engineering brain talked
39:01me through this is that okay I'm
39:03reaching Over the Top of the Rock I'm
39:05bending up that second bone snaps right
39:07in the same place it sounds like a
39:08Capcom starter pistol being fired off
39:10and I know it's kind of yeah the I see
39:13you shaking your head and kind of that
39:14disbelief and this shock is it's very
39:18intense graphic even and yet that smile
39:21got bigger on my face because now okay
39:24and they've both broke in the same spot
39:26so now it's just the soft tissue and I
39:27know that I can use the knife I can get
39:29through the soft tissues so here we go
39:31Aaron you're in it now
39:33I said that out loud to myself I looked
39:35at my watch it was 10 36 a.m on May 1st
39:40and I
39:42I started working it was I felt every
39:45bit of it every little cut but every
39:48little cut was a little bit of progress
39:50and progress one step closer to freedom
39:52and so that smile just kept getting
39:54bigger and bigger and bigger
39:56until I get down to the
39:58this moment where I I touch something it
40:01feels like I'm just stuck a fork in the
40:04light socket and held on like this is
40:06jolt's electricity okay the nerve I'm
40:10not smiling anymore but I know it's what
40:13I have to do put the knife upside down
40:16pluck the nerve slicing it through
40:19and it felt like I just in
40:22thrusted my arm into a cauldron of
40:26Baba that is
40:29vaporized incinerated my arm up to my
40:31shoulder
40:33I close my eyes I never said ow I never
40:36cried out it's s-t-o-p stop
40:40breathe
40:43and then I opened my eyes I was smiling
40:46the world records I smile because I've
40:48gotten through the Crux now and it's
40:50just down to the last little bits of
40:52skin and as I stretch my arm I have to
40:54put tension on it to get to that you
40:57have to stretch fabric to cut through
40:59the last piece of Flesh gives way and my
41:02entire body moves backward and my feet
41:05catch me
41:07having moved from the first time in six
41:10days out of the spot that I've been
41:12standing in now I'm standing in my life
41:14again I stepped out of my grave there
41:17that's when I almost collapsed not from
41:20the pain of this but from possibility it
41:24is the most powerful moment I've ever
41:26experienced in my life because every
41:27moment of my life was now right there
41:30Joy
41:32pleasure happiness Delight everything
41:34that is and Ever Was and will be good
41:37about being alive was right there for me
41:40I've got my tourniquet on I put my
41:43my arm into the empty Camelback
41:46backpack that I had this little smaller
41:49backpack that I carried inside my other
41:51backpack that becomes the sling for my
41:54arm strapping my arm to my chest so just
41:57rudimentary first aid is I was trained
42:00and
42:01again search and rescue just yeah
42:03Wilderness medicine practice I've done
42:06what I can it's time to get out of here
42:08but before I left I got my camera
42:11and I held it up in front of me not
42:13facing myself but facing what was in
42:16front of me and yeah there was the
42:18bloodied stump of my hand sticking back
42:21out you could see the bone and ends
42:23visible the blood going down the wall
42:26but that was trash it was just Goodrich
42:28that thing was going to kill me done
42:30with it and the real reason I took that
42:32photograph
42:34is that you said out loud as I push the
42:36shutter button thank you the boulder
42:40and talk about gratitude and how that
42:42can shift our perspective is that even
42:44in that moment and it was not contrived
42:47it was just what I did
42:50it was the genuine expression of what
42:53that experience was for me
42:55to realize that that Boulder had just
42:57shown me things that are so powerful
43:00that I could be smiling as I'm
43:03undertaking the most horrific thing I'll
43:06ever do to my myself and I was grateful
43:09for
43:10I think someone who can find gratitude
43:15for
43:17the worst thing that's ever happened to
43:19them
43:20the biggest mistake that they've ever
43:22made if you can find your way to
43:25gratitude
43:26because of that experience is ultimately
43:29giving you in your life helping you to
43:31grow to mature to learn lessons to
43:34create opportunity to to build
43:36confidence that I can I can do this I
43:38can move through adversity
43:41and it has defined how I look back at
43:44that experience every day sense
43:48to understand that I was smiling and
43:51that I was grateful for it yeah and but
43:55you're not done yet though right you
43:57still could bleed to death you still
43:58you're not done I was still definitely
44:00going to bleed to death yeah I wasn't
44:02going to bleed to death in that spot
44:04what happens next yeah I I start moving
44:07out of there and I of course I'm pretty
44:10revved up adrenalized I'm doing this I'm
44:13out of here I'm dragging my rope along
44:15I'm bashing my there's still a twisty
44:17windy dark deepening Slot Canyon
44:19technical climbing in front of me and
44:22for 15 minutes I'm I'm winding my way
44:24down through to to move less than 100
44:27yards and it takes me a quarter of an
44:30hour until I get to the end of the slot
44:32and the way that this thought ends is
44:35kind of Indiana Jones the Temple of Doom
44:38style where you come out of a hole in in
44:41a wall and I'm six stories above the
44:46continuing Canyon floor
44:48in in a on the in the side of a box
44:52candy so I've I've come out on a Ledge
44:55that's about the size of a queen bed
44:57mattress and this is the big drop repel
45:01it's why I have my rope so I rig up the
45:03Rope I send it over the edge I look to
45:05the heavens as I've got my blade advice
45:07never rigged up and
45:09I please if I'm going to pass it out
45:11don't let it be in the next 30 seconds
45:13because at the bottom of this six story
45:15drop there was a pool of effluent from
45:18the most recent flash flood in the
45:21canyon which had gathered up all kinds
45:23of things that were decaying and
45:25decomposing and it is just this black
45:27nasty pool of sewage
45:30and at the same time I'm looking down
45:32there thinking that's a big old pool not
45:34my own urine
45:36I can't wait and I get down there I I
45:40drink almost a gallon I fill up almost
45:42another gallon and now I was on my way
45:45out of there but I knew at least if I
45:47was going to die on my way out again I
45:49wasn't going to die back there and every
45:51step of this is is taking me closer
45:53maybe someday to seeing that little boy
45:56getting back to my family getting a hug
45:58from my mom and there's no stupid
46:01mistakes that was that was my mantra for
46:03every step I took and I was still losing
46:05blood and this would go on for three
46:07hours four hours five hours after
46:10amputated my arm until I've I've hiked
46:13over six and a half miles but still of a
46:15mile and a half to go to get to my
46:17vehicle and I come around a canyon and I
46:20realize that in front of me about 100
46:22yards ahead is a family mom and dad
46:25their 11 year old son they haven't seen
46:28me I've come up from behind them they
46:30had been hiking in to see the great
46:32Gallery which is protected by the park
46:34service and Horseshoe Canyon it's a blue
46:36John drops into horseshoe
46:38and the barrier Canyon pictograph So
46:41these paintings on the wall might be
46:45five seven even ten thousand years old
46:47not of any consequence to me as I'm
46:48hiking other than oh there's the great
46:50Gallery okay I've made it this far to
46:52keep going but this family they offered
46:55me a little bit of water to Oreo cookies
46:58that I eat and banquet feast and that
47:00sugar is picking me up all right let's
47:01go and wait till you're bleeding yeah
47:04bleeding to death we need to get out of
47:06here come up with this plan the mom and
47:08the son will run ahead because they're
47:10we're by that point Rescuers who had
47:13found my vehicle the trailhead had even
47:15talked to this family and said if you
47:18find him oh help him out try to get him
47:21back here my heart's jumping up to 220
47:24250 beats a minute like it is exploding
47:28in my chest and I realize I'm dying this
47:32is it and I I try to say that to the dad
47:35and Moab the hospital is 15 minutes away
47:39so the convergence of all of this where
47:41I'm bleeding to death the helicopter's
47:43running out of fuel and the distance to
47:45get to the hospital
47:47but I get to the hospital I get to the
47:49trauma room
47:51because of my mom and not just what I'd
47:53done to get out but what she had done to
47:55leave this whole rescue operation in
47:58less than 25 hours they went from not
48:00even knowing what state I was in to
48:02locating my vehicle launching the
48:04aircraft and getting me out of there
48:07within not a minute to spare
48:09oh my goodness
48:11I so appreciate you not only telling the
48:13story but telling it with such detail
48:16and care and emotion and I'm sure you've
48:20had to tell it so many times but you're
48:23such a pro and and and you just go right
48:25back into the moment man that means a
48:27lot I could imagine maybe getting tired
48:30of it and you just don't seem like it
48:31you go right to the moment it shows to
48:33me at least from my perspective that you
48:35have this deep care for others and you
48:38want to share
48:39the lessons learned from the experience
48:43that you went through and it's more
48:47powerful to actually describe it Moment
48:50by moment than just saying yeah I had to
48:52go down there and cut my arm off and
48:54come out and hey let's respond better to
48:57adversity it's like no going through
48:58detail by detail
49:00and talking about relationships and love
49:03and the videos and
49:06giving up and then coming back I'm so
49:09grateful for you man thank you for doing
49:10that
49:11I mean I appreciate it right and and I
49:15and I hope that the audience here is is
49:17also able to connect because it's not
49:20just about a guy out in the bottom of a
49:22hole in the desert it's all of us in our
49:25lives that wherever we are collectively
49:28as a global Community we just came
49:30through years of feeling trapped and
49:33stuck and isolated
49:35and to know that we're not alone in that
49:39is first off it's the most powerful
49:41thing to to know that somebody has been
49:44there before that they've come through
49:47something that maybe we can see
49:50ourselves in them and I and I hope
49:52people do that did not put me on a
49:54pedestal of the season oh and you're a
49:56superhero no I am a human being as we
49:59all are and I find that if I'm capable
50:02of this that we're all a lot more
50:04capable than we might suspect of
50:06ourselves in our lives
50:08and I hope that wherever people are my
50:11amputation was not the first or the last
50:12Boulder that I've experienced in my life
50:14that
50:16it's then being bullied when I was an
50:19adolescent and how that affected me that
50:21my gateway to anxiety and depression as
50:24it became which I've dealt with for most
50:26of my life but I still work with today
50:29as part of who I am it's not all of me
50:31and that I've been through all kinds of
50:35loss relationship loss ended
50:37relationships both before and and after
50:40and including my marriage so there's
50:42divorce in there four years ago my dad
50:45was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer
50:49he had about six months left
50:52and and I go through this litany just to
50:56say these are typical we are all going
50:58through all of this all the time and it
51:01is up to us to make a choice one of the
51:03the legacies of my dad
51:04for me is is really this thesis that
51:07yeah we don't get to control what
51:09happens to us in life Aaron but we do
51:11get to control how we respond and that
51:14choice that is the empowerment that's
51:16the the mindset that whatever it is
51:19that's happening we get to choose how we
51:21see it that nothing is good or bad so
51:25much is what we make of it and that is
51:27our superpower
51:29and again to come back to it if we can
51:31take these Boulders and not only
51:33experience them as burdens
51:35also experience them for the gifts that
51:38they bring us I believe that with
51:41especially the love of our relationships
51:43we can transform anything any of those
51:46Boulders into blessings in our lives
51:50not to be naive and say that they don't
51:53come with their dark side but don't
51:54forget that they come with their light
51:56side too
51:57no Boulder can only be all dark
52:00wow man thank you again there's more
52:04here for people I think to check out
52:06your book is called between a rock and a
52:08hard place which then became the basis
52:10of the motion picture 127 Hours which
52:14went on to win a number of awards an
52:17amazing movie an amazing book which
52:19stems from obviously your amazing life
52:21and I appreciate you also being so
52:23vulnerable with all of that the fact
52:26that things not like they're perfect
52:28afterwards either there's still Boulders
52:30for you to deal with and they don't
52:33necessarily go away and you're actively
52:35doing that so thank you again Aaron for
52:38doing this I would love to continue our
52:41dialogue as we both progress this has
52:43been so much fun for me to just hear and
52:45see you tell this story
52:47I appreciate that Ryan thank you for the
52:49opportunity to share it it popped up in
52:52my mind too that one of the biggest
52:53Boulders in life sometimes is I think
52:55most parents can can relate with as also
52:58just being a parent and your your kids
53:01the greatest gifts in the life has to
53:04offer and it's like the biggest
53:05challenges of course speaking of that
53:07you went on right you have this thought
53:10of I gotta live I'm gonna have a child
53:14and then it happened I mean yeah I can't
53:16even for anyone that moment when you
53:19have a child obviously it changes your
53:20life is the greatest thing of all time
53:23what was that like man I saw this I'm
53:26cutting my arm off I saw this thing I
53:28mean I I can't even imagine
53:30oh and and to to come through to now
53:33where on the 20th anniversary of my
53:36entrapments and being out there in the
53:38desert I got to take both of my kids
53:42to the canyon to climb down into that
53:45spot to stand where the boulder still is
53:48today to have them taking pictures of me
53:51me taking pictures of them all of us
53:54together and to kind of introduce them
53:57to this place where of course I first
54:00met Leo my son we named him is the he is
54:04the courageous Little Lion who who
54:06showed up for me to get me through that
54:08night I wouldn't I wasn't going to see
54:09and my daughter Elizabeth and the the
54:13fiery Fierce strength that she has and
54:16and just how I know I if it were to all
54:20happen again I would cut my other hand
54:22off to to give back to them to protect
54:25the relationship I have with them it's
54:27really where I see myself as being a
54:29leader of my family and and dedicating
54:32myself and service to them applying
54:34these lessons and okay life is hard and
54:38we are moving through it together as a
54:40family this is how we're going to do
54:42we're going to repair when we mess up
54:44and we're going to keep growing and
54:47that's that's something that I I feel
54:51I hope people can relate to it again as
54:53far as their access point into this
54:55story so whatever you're facing you get
54:58to make choices about what you're going
54:59to do with it
55:00yeah so good thanks again Aaron as I
55:03said before I'd love to catch up again
55:05talk more meet up in person it would be
55:08really cool man thank you all right
55:09thanks man

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