April 23, 2026 I'm Too Perfect — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:09Hey,
2. 0:25>> I told you before I'm working on it. It
3. 0:28doesn't take testosterone to be mindful
4. 0:31and to just touch me.
5. 0:34>> Love and love. It's
6. 0:36>> constant effort.
7. 0:39>> What's so hard about doing this?
8. 0:41>> Nothing's hard about it. Love,
9. 0:43>> why can't you remember? They have four
10. 0:45kids.
11. 0:47>> I'm trying to make effort.
12. 0:49>> You're not trying hard enough. You're
13. 0:51not even close. Me asking for two kisses
14. 0:54and it blew up to that.
15. 0:55>> We got over this. Stop bringing it up.
16. 0:58>> This is what never happened with your
17. 1:00parents. This is ridiculous. I'm
18. 1:01fighting over a kiss.
19. 1:02>> Stop. I'm right here. Stop yelling at
20. 1:04me. I'm right in your
21. 1:05>> We have a baby together. I shouldn't be
22. 1:07fighting over more than a peck.
23. 1:10>> Hey,
24. 1:11>> you stuck your finger up my butt. This
25. 1:13is ridiculous.
26. 1:16>> I don't want to be just friends.
27. 1:27We're not friends.
28. 1:29And it's my fault that you feel this
29. 1:31way, which is why I told you I'm trying
30. 1:34to make an effort, which is why I tried
31. 1:36to bring up this last week.
32. 1:39>> I want you to go to therapy first.
33. 1:41>> We're both going to therapy,
34. 1:43>> but you need individual therapy. I don't
35. 1:45I've been through it. I I will be fine
36. 1:48with just together.
37. 1:49>> Therapy.
38. 1:50>> Okay. No, you need individual therapy.
39. 1:51>> You will, too.
40. 1:53>> I don't need it.
41. 1:55>> You need to go to therapy as much as I
42. 1:58need to go to therapy. And then we go
43. 2:00together. We need individual therapy.
44. 2:02Peg,
45. 2:03>> I've been to therapy for 12 years.
46. 2:04Therapists have quit on me cuz they say
47. 2:06I know how to communicate very well. Too
48. 2:09low.
49. 2:11>> Love.
50. 2:12>> I've like done this with my mom. I've
51. 2:14done this with past relationships. I've
52. 2:15done it with you.
53. 2:16>> The exact same thing that you just said
54. 2:18this morning. You said we are going to
55. 2:20therapy or else this will be over.
56. 2:22>> Yeah, we will. I will go to therapy with
57. 2:23you.
58. 2:24>> You will,
59. 2:24>> but I do not need individual. I do not
60. 2:27need it.
61. 2:27>> You will go to individual therapy
62. 2:29>> if it makes you happy. But they won't
63. 2:31say anything. I'm telling you right now,
64. 2:33I don't have problems.
65. 2:34>> You will go to individual.
66. 2:36>> I'm intimate. I'm mindful. I think about
67. 2:38you. Like I do everything you want.
68. 2:42>> You don't. And that's why you need in
69. 2:44therapy more than I do. which is why
70. 2:47I've agreed. But you will still go to
71. 2:49individual therapy.
72. 2:50>> Why did you try to tell me I was the
73. 2:51problem this morning?
74. 2:56>> Love,
75. 2:58as you said last night, you said a lot
76. 3:01of things that hurt me. So, I said
77. 3:03things that were out of hurt.
78. 3:07I didn't want to go to therapy. I didn't
79. 3:09feel like I'd done anything wrong. You
80. 3:11hurt me years of this whole intimacy
81. 3:14thing.
82. 3:18>> [snorts]
83. 3:19>> I'm never going to
84. 3:20>> cry about it all the time.
85. 3:22>> I'm never going to leave.
86. 3:23>> And we should have gone to therapy about
87. 3:24it forever ago. And I've I asked you to
88. 3:27go to therapy about it forever ago. And
89. 3:30then he's only heightening your issues
90. 3:32that we have before.
91. 3:35We've had these issues. I've tried to
92. 3:37tell you. I've tried to warn you.
93. 3:40So, I sent you to the doctor, but really
94. 3:42I also told you about therapy.
95. 3:46You thought it was performance anxiety
96. 3:48and I was like, "Go to the therapist.
97. 3:49Talk to a therapist." Like, talk to
98. 3:51someone.
99. 3:55You just didn't listen to me and it's
100. 3:57come to this now. I tried to warn you.
101. 4:01>> Nothing bad has happened tonight to the
102. 4:03point where you're acting like this.
103. 4:05>> Yes, it has. Cuz you don't understand
104. 4:07how much it means to me. And you will
105. 4:09never
106. 4:10But it breaks my heart cuz I [laughter]
107. 4:13marry you
108. 4:15and I just want to feel loved by you in
109. 4:19the way that you know I like and I've
110. 4:22told you a million times I've given you
111. 4:23cheat sheets.
112. 4:24>> Understand?
113. 4:25>> I don't feel loved by you anymore
114. 4:27because of this. I only feel loved when
115. 4:30you like do like things like make food
116. 4:32for me or something. It's like not
117. 4:34intimacy.
118. 4:36It's not romance. It's not like igniting
119. 4:38anything.
120. 4:41Like I've honestly like lost the desire
121. 4:43to have sex with you because it doesn't
122. 4:45it just feels like a fight
123. 4:50and it's like I'm always the one trying
124. 4:52to be attractive and like trying to
125. 4:53linger music and things and you just
126. 4:55don't do it anymore. You stopped doing
127. 4:57it like a year ago. I can't remember
128. 4:58last time you like put on a candle, made
129. 5:01it all romantic. It's just it's just a
130. 5:03chore now.
131. 5:04>> I'll tell you now.
132. 5:07I've said before I'm sorry and all
133. 5:11>> sorry isn't good enough and you're this
134. 5:13you have to accept me how I am and how
135. 5:16my two pecs is not going to work
136. 5:19>> there will be
137. 5:20>> we can go to therapy but it will not
138. 5:22work if you do not fix these things and
139. 5:25your same fear of losing me to like
140. 5:27other people because of sex you need to
141. 5:30start actually taking it seriously and
142. 5:32be like oh I'm scared to lose her you
143. 5:34need to see it like that cuz right now
144. 5:36you don't you're too lax acts on it.
145. 5:37You're just like, she needs to deal with
146. 5:39this. This is who I am now. This
147. 5:42attitude, that's what I'm saying. It's
148. 5:43like an attitude. It's got to stop. It's
149. 5:46just like accept accept me how I am now.
150. 5:48Even though it's nothing [clears throat]
151. 5:49like how I was a year ago.
152. 5:52Like look at our life a year ago. We
153. 5:54were having sex like all the time. Like
154. 5:56we we were getting married now. We're
155. 5:58going on a honeymoon now. Like look at
156. 6:00our life now. I'm begging for kisses.
157. 6:02>> I understand.
158. 6:05Life shouldn't change that fast.
159. 6:07>> Stop chewing me up.
160. 6:09>> Life shouldn't change this fast. Our our
161. 6:11sex life shouldn't be this dramatic
162. 6:14downfall.
163. 6:15>> We got married. We had a kid. Everything
164. 6:18very very fast.
165. 6:20>> Doesn't matter. People with four kids,
166. 6:22five kids, still sex, they have more sex
167. 6:24cuz they have so many kids.
168. 6:25>> I'm trying to play catchup. And I have a
169. 6:28low sex drive, which
170. 6:29>> doesn't matter. It's not about sex. It's
171. 6:31just about touching me, being mindful,
172. 6:33kissing me. So,
173. 6:35>> it doesn't take anything to kiss me.
174. 6:38>> You listen to me.
175. 6:40[snorts]
176. 6:41>> I've actively told you I'm sorry. And
177. 6:43I've actively told you how much I know
178. 6:45it hurts you. And I felt bad and I
179. 6:48genuinely did.
180. 6:51And I told you I was trying to fix it.
181. 6:52Why do you think [snorts] it hurt me
182. 6:54yesterday when you said that I wasn't?
183. 6:56And that's why I was like, "No, I really
184. 6:58was. I was really trying."
185. 7:01It's gone to the these fights the past
186. 7:04few day or weeks have been because I
187. 7:07just want the bare minimum. Not even the
188. 7:09bare minimum. I'm setting the bar so low
189. 7:11for you. I've changed my whole like what
190. 7:14I like in everything for you. I've tried
191. 7:16to be like, you know, it's okay that he
192. 7:18forgot about sex. It's okay that he is
193. 7:21like trying, but it doesn't really feel
194. 7:22like he's trying. I feel like I'm like a
195. 7:24dead fish that I'm just laying there.
196. 7:26I'm just like he's trying, I guess. It's
197. 7:28like I need to be thankful for this, but
198. 7:30it's like you're not really living it.
199. 7:33>> Love,
200. 7:35>> it sucks.
201. 7:36>> I understand. You know, I'm hurt.
202. 7:38>> Love, it sucks cuz I can't be that way
203. 7:42if I'm [snorts] consistently having to
204. 7:44be at battle with you.
205. 7:46>> I We only fight about sex.
206. 7:48>> Stop fighting me about it.
207. 7:49>> Then be more intimate and do things like
208. 7:51your dad.
209. 7:51>> I told you I will. I told you and I said
210. 7:54I was sorry.
211. 7:55>> You shouldn't run your dad for sex
212. 7:56advice. You're young. You should
213. 7:58literally be singing these things. We
214. 7:59just got married.
215. 8:00>> Stop yelling. I'm not raising my voice.
216. 8:14>> Your dad's right though. We can go to
217. 8:16therapy all we want, but you need to
218. 8:20really really want it. And you need to
219. 8:21change how you were before and be that
220. 8:25person. I married that. I fell in love
221. 8:26with that person, not this person.
222. 8:30>> It was before. What are you talking
223. 8:32about?
224. 8:35>> When we first started dating, when we
225. 8:36were engaged, I remember when we got
226. 8:38engaged and we came home and he ripped
227. 8:39my clothes off right away. What happened
228. 8:41to that dude? I think back to that all
229. 8:44the time. I'm just like, where did that
230. 8:45dude go who wouldn't even like wait till
231. 8:48we got home? Where'd he go?
232. 8:51I'm 24. You're 27.
233. 8:55I could be at the club like this is like
234. 8:57a young years like prime years.
235. 9:02>> All I can tell you is how I will try and
236. 9:04fix it.
237. 9:05>> Not try. You need to fix it to save our
238. 9:08relationship cuz it's an ongoing issue
239. 9:11>> if therapist can't do it for you.
240. 9:13>> Stop cutting me off on a bunch of
241. 9:15things. It's really annoying.
242. 9:18>> It's just so upsetting.
243. 9:20>> You keep cutting me off.
244. 9:29I told you I will be better.
245. 9:33I will make effort
246. 9:38and I can't say anything and I can't do
247. 9:40anything other than say I will.
248. 9:52Buddy,
249. 9:56>> I got a seat though. I'm going to take
250. 9:59your word for it.
251. 10:00>> But you're also going to have to give me
252. 10:02some time.
253. 10:04>> Starts tomorrow.
254. 10:05>> Nope.
255. 10:06>> What do you mean no?
256. 10:07>> No.
257. 10:08>> What?
258. 10:08>> I need time. Look, all we've done is
259. 10:11argue and fight.
260. 10:12>> How am I going to feel better?
261. 10:13>> You are going to You're going to give me
262. 10:16some time until I can get to that point.
263. 10:18It's hard to be intimate and hard to do
264. 10:21that with with someone [clears throat]
265. 10:22that keeps fighting on you.
266. 10:24>> Just last week at your parents house
267. 10:25after we had a little fight, you were
268. 10:27like, "Let's do it."
269. 10:28>> It we waited a full day.
270. 10:33So, give me some time. I'm not saying
271. 10:36it's going to be I'm not saying it's
272. 10:38going to be a week. I'm saying give me a
273. 10:41day.
274. 10:41>> You're asking me to like move with you
275. 10:43again. Like, I don't have time. Look.
276. 10:47[clears throat]
277. 10:57Doesn't have to be sex, but I at least I
278. 10:59need you to be more intimate. Sorry,
279. 11:01tomorrow.
280. 11:02>> It won't be tomorrow. I'm telling you
281. 11:03now. It won't be. I need some time.
282. 11:07>> Not even a kiss.
283. 11:08>> Not saying not even a kiss. That's
284. 11:10>> what I'm saying.
285. 11:13>> Yeah.
286. 11:17But we have to fully squash this cuz I
287. 11:20know it hurt to hear but the situation
288. 11:23still hasn't changed. And I still said I
289. 11:25will try and be I will be intimate with
290. 11:27you.
291. 11:29>> Changed for me because you gaslighted
292. 11:31me.
293. 11:31>> I haven't gassed you.
294. 11:33>> Thinking that other couples don't do it
295. 11:35this much and that it was justing thing.
296. 11:37You told me it was just a courting thing
297. 11:38and our relationship has matured.
298. 11:40>> I don't even know what courting is. You
299. 11:42told me our relationship has just
300. 11:43matured and it's adult thing and that
301. 11:44you're no longer the courting face.
302. 11:46>> I've never said courting face.
303. 11:48>> You do. You know what cording is. It's
304. 11:50like when you're trying to please
305. 11:51someone. Yes, you do. You know what it
306. 11:52is cuz you said it to me.
307. 11:54>> I didn't say cording. I've never
308. 11:56>> I'm using your words. I wouldn't say
309. 11:58cording. I would have just said why
310. 12:03>> love. The bottom line is
311. 12:09you got to figure it out
312. 12:11and fast.
313. 12:15I'm done with I've already waited 2
314. 12:17years.
315. 12:46You can keep looking at me like you're
316. 12:48super pissed off with me.
317. 12:51>> I'm just staring cuz you're not talking.
318. 12:59>> You did gas at me then. Love, I can tell
319. 13:02you.
320. 13:03>> You told me couples don't have sex as
321. 13:04much as you. You even looked it up last
322. 13:06night and you were like two to three
323. 13:07times a week and you're using the
324. 13:09information.
325. 13:10>> Talk to your friends and family, not
326. 13:11Google.
327. 13:13>> I just talk to family and you told me
328. 13:15not to talk to family.
329. 13:16>> Yeah. Well, your dad just spit it out.
330. 13:18You didn't really ask.
331. 13:19>> I didn't ask.
332. 13:20>> Exactly. So,
333. 13:21>> okay. But either way, love,
334. 13:25all I can know is what I know.
335. 13:28>> Babe, I think that you have to think
336. 13:30about it. look back at our life and say,
337. 13:32"George, how many people accidentally
338. 13:33got pregnant
339. 13:35>> that we know?"
340. 13:37>> People at the gym, Dan's daughter,
341. 13:40>> I don't focus focus.
342. 13:41>> People having a lot of sex, a lot more
343. 13:42than you think.
344. 13:46I'm not crazy for wanting sex more. It's
345. 13:48a normal thing. Especially, it just
346. 13:50means I'm attracted to you and I'm like
347. 13:53wanting to spark and like to keep the
348. 13:55romance alive. Not saying it's not
349. 13:57there, but just trying to keep it alive.
350. 14:00I want to have sex. I feel in the mood.
351. 14:02Like, and it's not even I'm always in
352. 14:04the mood. It's like some things you do
353. 14:06get me in the mood. Like things that
354. 14:08like this used to not be a problem
355. 14:10because when we first started dating, I
356. 14:12was like a new thing.
357. 14:13>> And you were probably more excited about
358. 14:15me than you are now. Cuz now you've had
359. 14:17sex with me a lot. And you're just like,
360. 14:18I'm not super excited about it cuz I've
361. 14:19had sex many times.
362. 14:22>> Can you listen?
363. 14:24If you were to continue and hear my dad
364. 14:26and what he had to say, you're only
365. 14:29taking the tip of the iceberg and
366. 14:30running with it. He said, "There are two
367. 14:33partners. One partner has a high sex
368. 14:35drive." And he goes, "I'm sorry, that's
369. 14:37me."
370. 14:39And then he said, "The one alone is your
371. 14:41mom. So your mom can maybe have sex
372. 14:44maybe four times a month."
373. 14:48>> It's not true. I've heard them have sex
374. 14:50and I've heard your family say they have
375. 14:52sex more than that. That's not true.
376. 14:54>> But he said there's always a negative or
377. 14:57there's always one with a low and then
378. 14:59one with a high.
379. 15:00>> We know this.
380. 15:01>> But he said that there has to be some
381. 15:05effort. I said, "Yeah, and that's the
382. 15:07problem that I have is I just haven't
383. 15:09put in the effort." He goes, "Well,
384. 15:10that's what you need to fix."
385. 15:12>> It would fix like all our issues. All of
386. 15:14them. Like I've done that.
387. 15:16>> Leave it there. I know that I've messed
388. 15:18up and I know that I need to fix it,
389. 15:20which you just got to give me the
390. 15:23opportunity.
391. 15:25>> I even told you the other day like I'm
392. 15:27not fixing.
393. 15:28>> Stop going on. Just understand.
394. 15:31>> I'll understand when I see you fix it
395. 15:33cuz then I'll know you actually like are
396. 15:36trying and you actually know how much
397. 15:37you've hurt me and you actually like are
398. 15:40trying to understand
399. 15:42and like where I've come from.
400. 15:45And I'm not just being mean and I'm not
401. 15:46just being crazy.
402. 15:48>> Never said any of that.
403. 15:54>> It's just a bummer because I've tried so
404. 15:57hard to communicate this issue for 2
405. 16:00years and now it's the point where I was
406. 16:02screaming about it and crying about it.
407. 16:08I tried so hard to just sit you down and
408. 16:11talk to you about it peacefully.
409. 16:15Hey, we've been over it multiple times.
410. 16:19>> This is why I feel like I don't have a
411. 16:21problem communicating because I've sent
412. 16:23you down about this
413. 16:26for 2 years. It just didn't get fixed.
414. 16:30And now I'm to this point that I didn't
415. 16:33start this way.
416. 16:36So, it's not fair to say I can't
417. 16:38communicate cuz I didn't start this way.
418. 16:45I remember sitting down on the couch at
419. 16:47St. George. I always just sat down
420. 16:52trying to tell you how I felt in my
421. 16:54knees.
422. 17:15It's the same reason why every therapist
423. 17:17quit on me. I try I would try to sit my
424. 17:21mom out. Try to sit like people down.
425. 17:24Try I try to sit nicely. I try to word
426. 17:27it in a normal time.
427. 17:31I do all the things. [snorts]
428. 17:33All the homework
429. 17:36never work. My neighbor.
430. 17:40[snorts]
431. 18:06Before I go back to therapy, I need a
432. 18:08minute
433. 18:10cuz
434. 18:13>> we're going to be so bad hearing like,
435. 18:16"Oh, you've tried everything like it's
436. 18:19just not working." Cuz I've heard the
437. 18:22same time as we go.
438. 18:24>> We have known each other at first, but
439. 18:26I'm telling you, it's really more
440. 18:27upsetting when I tell them things I've
441. 18:30tried and they tell me it sounds like
442. 18:32you've tried everything and the other
443. 18:34person I work with you because I haven't
444. 18:41every time.
445. 18:45You don't understand.
446. 18:48You don't understand how much I went to
447. 18:51therapy before the past.
448. 18:56>> That's not normal.
449. 19:00I've had people break up with me cuz I
450. 19:02was too perfect. I literally had a
451. 19:04boyfriend and be like, "You're too
452. 19:05perfect. You never do anything wrong."
453. 19:06Like, it just makes me feel like I'm the
454. 19:08terrible person all the time. [snorts]
455. 19:11Like,
456. 19:18[snorts]
457. 19:18>> that's a little much.
458. 19:20>> No, I'm not kidding.
459. 19:22>> I'm going tell you now, you do stuff
460. 19:23wrong. [snorts]
461. 19:25>> No, no, I didn't. And back then, I
462. 19:27didn't. I literally that person I never
463. 19:29did anything wrong. in every argument we
464. 19:30try to like I was always like super
465. 19:32calm. I like would sit him down like do
466. 19:35this stuff like and he literally just
467. 19:36was like I feel like he's terrible
468. 19:38person like I just like you're too nice
469. 19:42and I feel like you're too good for me
470. 19:44and like I just can't
471. 19:48>> I'm for like a year a year and a half
472. 19:51and I just like left cuz I was literally
473. 19:54exacting it was too perfect and it made
474. 19:57him feel like [ __ ]
475. 19:59>> [snorts]
476. 20:10[snorts]
477. 20:15[snorts]
478. 20:24[snorts]
479. 20:24>> Can we please try to just be more normal
480. 20:28tomorrow and start it all fresh.
481. 20:30>> Love, I was normal. I was normal when
482. 20:33>> Well, you're saying now that you can't
483. 20:35and it's going to take time and I just
484. 20:38don't have time and I just wanted to
485. 20:40start fresh.
486. 20:40>> As far as intimacy goes, I might just
487. 20:42need a I might only need half the day.
488. 20:46I just need a second.
489. 20:48>> It's hard. It's hard to be all over
490. 20:50someone when that someone has been
491. 20:52fighting with that person.
492. 20:56You just got to understand that
493. 21:11things have happened.
494. 21:14>> Is he hungry?
495. 21:17>> Yeah,
496. 21:21>> he's doing 35 minutes.
497. 21:26>> [snorts]
498. 21:26>> Do you want to bring your stuff
499. 21:27downstairs now?
500. 21:30>> I don't know. What else do you have to
501. 21:32say?
502. 21:35>> Nothing.
503. 21:37>> Okay.
504. 21:45You come downstairs
505. 21:47to
506. 21:48cooped up in the office.
507. 22:01that it's not that hard.
508. 22:06I don't know.
509. 22:14I guess
510. 22:20[snorts] it's not cuz you just that you
511. 22:22wanted to move on through all this. You
512. 22:26want to sit up here and be sad.
513. 22:30You were the one that just
514. 22:33>> I understand that. But you were just the
515. 22:35one that said
516. 22:37>> just like last night.
517. 22:39>> So you were trying to say not let us
518. 22:42move forward. You're saying we
519. 22:54No one said that you're not intimate.
520. 23:28Come on.
521. 23:34You need to hug it out again.
522. 23:43>> [snorts]
523. 24:04>> No hug.
524. 24:12Okay.