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Aprende a Reprogramar tus Creencias para que Cuiden de Tí (Begoña del Campo, Psicóloga) — Transcript

by Dr. Borja Bandera · 17,563 words · 2,781 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00Let's start by defining what a belief
0:01is.
0:02A thought that you have repeated for a
0:04long time until it has become automated
0:06.
0:07Is it conscious or unconscious?
0:08It is usually unconscious. Back in the
0:1060s, they realized they could insert
0:12frames between images that the
0:14conscious brain wouldn't detect, but
0:16the subconscious could, though we later
0:18learned other things that aren't so
0:19good. We must be very, very careful.
0:22But can we incorporate beliefs
0:23throughout our entire lives?
0:24Yes, yes, fortunately, yes. Because
0:25there is something very powerful, Borja
0:26, and it is that,
0:27why do we believe things that directly
0:29harm us? Because the brain does not
0:30want to leave its known comfort zone.
0:32So, we are more emotional than rational
0:34, without a doubt.
0:34Yes. Yes.
0:35What do you think infidelity is
0:36fundamentally due to?
0:38I think it's a combination of several
0:39factors.
0:39An imprint leaves in the body
0:41a cardiac impact. Broken heart syndrome
0:43. The body suffers. Then some will call
0:46it luck.
0:46The unfaithful one is always the
0:48executioner and the betrayed one is the
0:50victim.
0:50I think there are nuances there.
0:52Begoña del Campo, how are you? Welcome
0:53. Better than yesterday.
0:54Hello, Borja. I was really looking
0:56forward to being here with you.
0:57Me too. Me too, to listening to you.
0:59I've been listening to you on social
1:00media for a long time, but I wanted to
1:01hear you in person. I'll ask you first,
1:02um, well, if you'd like, introduce
1:04yourself and then tell me what led you
1:06to dissemination.
1:06Well, my name is Begoña, Begoña del
1:08Campo. Um, I was born in Mallorca and
1:10during this life I have lived many
1:12lives within one life. It's one of the
1:15phrases that I sometimes say and that
1:17characterizes me because I have
1:19constantly reinvented myself as life
1:21has flowed, right? So, I'm all about
1:23flowing, I'm all about adapting, and so
1:26in this latest stage of my life, I have
1:28dedicated myself or am dedicating
1:30myself to dissemination because I have
1:32the feeling that there is a hunger for
1:35knowledge, there is a lot of
1:36unhappiness. Human beings are sad, they
1:39are lost, misplaced, and when they
1:41understand what is happening to them,
1:44it's a way to soothe, to heal, and to
1:46find peace. And that is my life's
1:48purpose today, dissemination, spreading
1:50knowledge and learning and
1:51democratizing what I learn.
1:53How long have you been doing this? A
1:55little over half a year.
1:56Half a year. It’s been amazing
1:58because, well, we didn't know you, I
2:00didn't know you, you had never appeared
2:02for me, and suddenly I saw you on a ton
2:04of podcasts, which shows you’re a
2:06real go-getter, very hardworking.
2:07Yes, very hardworking. There’s a Reel
2:10of yours I saw recently that I thought
2:11was wonderful and I said, "Wow, this
2:12represents me so much," which is an
2:13image of your journey. Several images
2:16appear where you say, well, some people
2:18will call it luck, right? Or something
2:20like that. It's not luck, it's hard
2:24work and passion, which is what you can
2:26tell you’ve been, if not teaching, at
2:28least communicating for a long time,
2:30right? Because you can tell, you’ve
2:32made it available to people now, but
2:34it’s something you’ve definitely
2:35been working on for a long time.
2:36Yes, yes, yes, yes. I have that innate
2:38gene as well; my father was a teacher
2:40and I was a teacher for years.
2:43And I have taught classes and it’s
2:45very important to me that I’m
2:46understood. When I explain something, I
2:49look at the person and I have this need
2:51for them to understand me, so my mind
2:53moves very fast when it comes to, well,
2:55giving examples, and well, the
2:56large-scale teaching started relatively
2:59recently, just a few months ago, but
3:00I’ve been speaking in public for
3:02longer.
3:03Great. Well, let’s get started. One
3:06of the central topics you cover in your
3:08content is the subject of beliefs,
3:09which I personally am also very
3:11interested in because I believe they
3:13totally shape our lives. And let’s
3:15start by defining what a belief is.
3:18Well, Borja, a belief is a thought that
3:20you have been repeating for a long time
3:23until it has become automated and has
3:25entered your belief system or your
3:27mental database as something you don't
3:30consciously need to, let’s say, bring
3:32up, but rather your brain proposes it
3:35to you automatically, right? So, a
3:37belief would be an automated thought,
3:40okay? That would be the belief,
3:41just a thought, right? Which may or may
3:44not lead to a behavior or an action
3:46later on, but a priori it’s an
3:48automated thought, something like, in
3:51the field of computer science, an
3:53automatic command, right? A program, a
3:55programming, it would be like you’ve
3:57downloaded a program. The brain learns,
3:58I’ll tell you about it later, right?
4:00Fundamentally in two ways. One is
4:03through the hypnagogic states of brain
4:05waves, which is how young children
4:07learn up to age 7, and then through
4:08repetition, which is how we adults
4:10learn. So, I’ll give you an example I
4:13sometimes use from one of my past lives
4:15, which was when I was a driving
4:16instructor. So, I have a strong
4:18tendency to use those kinds of examples
4:19. When you learn to drive, at first you
4:21have to think consciously: now I press
4:23the clutch, the clutch pedal, now I
4:25release it, now I’m accelerating at
4:26the same time. Meaning, you have to
4:28think consciously about every one of
4:30those movements. There comes a moment,
4:32and I used to verify it in a certain
4:34way; I would ask the student in
4:36question something that required them
4:37to formulate an answer. Then, I would
4:40take them out of, let’s say, being
4:42present in the movement of their hands
4:45and feet.
4:46In that moment, I would notice if the
4:48person swerved or drifted, or if they
4:50had automated it, meaning the program
4:51had been downloaded. Well, that is a
4:54belief. A belief is something where,
4:57through repetition, you create new
4:59neural connections, neural circuits
5:00that mean you no longer need to be
5:02conscious of it for your brain to
5:04provide it, because the brain, being so
5:06efficient, wants you to automate as
5:08soon as possible so it doesn't have to
5:10exert effort on...It is a perfect
5:12machine, an amazing machine. So, of
5:15course, it has a tendency to automate,
5:17and those are beliefs. Those programs
5:19we download, some of which are
5:21fantastic, but more than 60%are
5:23absolutely counterproductive. So
5:25that’s where the magic of
5:26reprogramming comes in.
5:27Yes, that’s great. And it also links
5:29perfectly with the world of habits and
5:31habit formation, right? Which in the
5:33end is also that, applied to behavior,
5:35isn't it? Ultimately, to action. Is the
5:37generation of these beliefs conscious,
5:39unconscious, or both? Usually, it tends
5:41to be unconscious; that is, you keep
5:42hearing things, you keep hearing. In
5:45the case of children, from zero to 7
5:47years old, they don't have a belief
5:49system that questions what comes from
5:51outside, meaning everything they hear,
5:53they download without questioning. When
5:56we are adults, or rather from the age
5:58of 7 on, this belief system is
5:59implemented, which would be like a kind
6:01of border between, let’s say, the
6:03unconscious world and the conscious
6:05part. So, usually, we internalize them
6:08without being conscious of them. In the
6:11case of children, they don't call it
6:12into question. In the case of adults,
6:14it's true that this belief system
6:16protects you. I mean, if right now you
6:18want to modify a belief of mine or want
6:20me to internalize a belief, I have a
6:22belief system that can, at any given
6:24moment, call into question what you
6:26want to convey to me or are conveying
6:29to me.
6:29Of course, because otherwise we would
6:31be totally at the mercy of thousands of
6:33inputs from the world, right? Also from
6:35the industry, right? That wants to
6:38instill in us beliefs like "buy this,
6:39buy this," which often happens, right?
6:42Now some advertising is prohibited, but
6:45during the 60s or so, they realized
6:47that between frames of advertisements
6:49they were inserting images that the
6:51conscious brain, the conscious part,
6:54the neocortex, didn't detect, but that
6:56at a subconscious level—your body,
6:58your subconscious part—was indeed
7:00able to detect, and not just detect,
7:03but be conditioned by; and there they
7:05could internalize beliefs as needs,
7:07which is a bit of the point of
7:09advertising: to create needs. Right,
7:12totally. And following up on the topic
7:15of advertising and connecting it to
7:17what you said about children, it is
7:18even more crucial to limit those
7:20impacts on kids since, as you said,
7:22they incorporate beliefs in an almost
7:23unscreened way, right? I mean,
7:26everything they hear they absorb like a
7:29sponge, so
7:30we have to be extremely careful with
7:32them, I mean, it’s mind-blowing. Look
7:34, we do the best we can, okay? I mean,
7:37for starters, but we can't protect them
7:39100%from all the inputs that aren't so
7:41kind to them, but yes, as much as
7:43possible, as much as we can modulate
7:45those external inputs, so much the
7:47better. I mean, the issue of
7:49controlling screen time, the movies
7:51they watch. We used to watch anything
7:54without any kind of control or filter.
7:56When I was little, it was like Kabul, I
7:58mean, it was all violence, and then the
8:00images of romantic love, which also
8:02conditions a person a lot.
8:04Anyway. The Disney world, of course,
8:07all that Disney culture has caused a
8:09lot of damage. It has been reinventing
8:11itself, this subject, because it's true
8:12that now with Disney movies, since I
8:14have grandchildren and I watch them
8:15with them sometimes, well, it has
8:16nothing to do with it. I mean, now,
8:19well I don't know, there's a movie
8:20about a bull that talks about how to
8:22protect animals, so they kind of give
8:23animals an identity. That makes
8:26children see them in a different way
8:27now. That subject is taken very
8:29seriously, but when I was little, or
8:31when my children were little, it was
8:32quite different.
8:34And throughout life, there are critical
8:36periods where beliefs are incorporated.
8:38You already said childhood is one of
8:39them, but we can incorporate beliefs
8:41throughout our entire lives.
8:42Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
8:43Fortunately yes, because there is
8:44something very powerful, Borja, and
8:46that is that beliefs aren't erased,
8:48beliefs are replaced. So, thank
8:49goodness, because otherwise, we would
8:51be completely molded in childhood and
8:53in adulthood we wouldn't have any room
8:55to maneuver. And that is not the case.
8:57Fortunately we can't erase, eh, you
8:59can't erase a program, you can replace
9:01it with another one that is better
9:03adapted to the person you are today,
9:06because we carry beliefs that are
9:08wonderful or we carry programs or have
9:10programs installed that are very good.
9:13We learned to walk and we spend our
9:14whole lives walking. I mean, it's a
9:16program that is super functional, but
9:18then we learned other things that
9:20aren't so good and so what we have to
9:21do there is detect them and change them
9:23, that is, replace them with others. In
9:26the end, what the brain does is offer
9:28you the thoughts you use the most.
9:31When you think a lot about one thing,
9:33something, or in a certain way, the
9:34brain understands that it's useful,
9:36that it's functional, and since it's so
9:38efficient, it says, "Ah, okay, this is
9:39useful, so I'll send it back to you.""
9:43And faced with a situation, a certain
9:45external input, it will send you all
9:47the time or most of the time that
9:49thought it considers appropriate based
9:51on how many times you've used it.
9:54That's why the mother of reprogramming
9:56is repetition.
9:57Repetition
9:58is repetition. Repeat who you want to
10:00be. Repeat it until you become that
10:02person you want to be. That is super
10:04strong, super powerful. When a human
10:06being understands that, there's a
10:07before and an after. Borja.
10:10Absolutely.
10:11Repetition. Key point. Right.
10:13Yes.
10:13How do our beliefs shape our behavior?
10:16Let's give examples.
10:18Look, imagine, beliefs are absolutely
10:21determinant when it comes to marking or
10:24defining your observable reality.
10:27Imagine, I sometimes use the iceberg
10:29metaphor, right? Imagine that the
10:32visible part is your life, your
10:35behaviors, your world, that visible
10:37part, your reality, let's call it that.
10:41It is what you see, but deep, deep down
10:44at the bottom of that iceberg would be
10:46your beliefs. Whatever your beliefs are
10:49, that is how your thoughts will be.
10:52Whatever your thoughts are, that is how
10:54your emotions will be. And whatever
10:56your emotions are, that is how your
10:57behavior will be. And whatever your
10:59behavior is, that is how your
11:01observable reality will be. In other
11:03words, if what I want is to change what
11:04surrounds me, my observable reality,
11:06the first thing I have to do is change
11:08my beliefs. Because if I try to change
11:10my thoughts, it is very difficult. It
11:12is fighting against nature, it is
11:14fighting against the current.
11:17Since most are unconscious and we have
11:19very few conscious thoughts,
11:21very few. And we often believe, no, no,
11:23no, I did this from a rational point of
11:25view, right? I mean, often there was an
11:28unconscious decision behind it that you
11:30then consciously argue why you did it,
11:32but you had already decided.
11:35Neuroscience is advancing a lot.
11:37You justify yourself afterwards,
11:39retrospectively, saying this was
11:41rational, it was a rational process,
11:43but your brain, that is, your
11:45unconscious part, had already decided 2
11:47seconds before. How do we know this? By
11:49skin conductance. By, uh,
11:52electrocardiograms, it's measurable, it
11:53can be measured. In other words,
11:57science is realizing that the body is
11:59often the mind, that is, the mind is
12:01not exclusively from a brain-centric
12:03point of view, but it is, uh, it is the
12:06body. There are often experiments that
12:09determine this. There is one that is
12:12brutal, where they put images on a
12:14screen, this is from the HeartMath
12:16Institute, okay? A screen is set up and
12:19then subjects are shown, uh, pleasant
12:22and unpleasant images. They realize
12:26that the heart, just a few tenths of a
12:28second, I don't remember exactly how
12:30many seconds, just less than a second
12:32before, changes the way it beats, the
12:35way it, you lose it. For example, with
12:38pleasant images, you enter more into
12:40cardiac coherence, and with more
12:42unpleasant images, the heart becomes
12:44more disordered.
12:45Heart rate variability decreases, right
12:48?
12:49Exactly. Right.
12:50Okay, okay, okay. How interesting.
12:51Later we will talk about intuition and
12:53we will return to
12:54t that is, that would be, that would be
12:55intuition. It is the body warning you.
12:57And so, Begoña, why, why do we believe
12:59things that directly harm us, and we
13:01know they harm us, but we keep
13:03believing them? No,
13:04because the brain doesn't want to leave
13:06that known comfort zone, even if it's
13:08unpleasant. The brain loves comfort
13:11because it's evolutionarily designed
13:14for the African savanna: let's get food
13:16, let's survive so a predator doesn't
13:19eat us. So it is completely oriented
13:22outward, and anything that means
13:24leaving that makes it uncomfortable.
13:27What it wants is comfort.
13:29So, for that reason, even if it's bad,
13:32even if we consciously consider it bad,
13:34it's comfortable there. Like the
13:38typical" better the devil you know than
13:39the devil you don't. "
13:40Well, there's the proverb, there are
13:41things that destroy us. That's one.
13:44That's one that holds us back a lot.
13:46And then we also have to understand
13:48that human behavior isn't so simple,
13:50it's quite a bit more complex. We have
13:53the limbic brain, which is the
13:54emotional brain, where the amygdala is,
13:56the center of emotions, which we often
13:58decide from, most of the time from
14:00there. And then there's the neocortex,
14:02which is the conscious part that tells
14:04you, that gives you the explanation of"
14:05what am I doing here if I'm not happy?
14:08"But then, on the other hand, the
14:10limbic brain, that more emotional part,
14:12since it's phylogenetically older, has
14:14more strength. I mean, imagine the
14:17limbic brain, there's the amygdala,
14:18okay? The center of emotions, and then
14:20the neocortex. If both climbed into a
14:22ring and started slugging it out, the
14:23amygdala would always win. It's always
14:25older, right?
14:26It's older, it has more connections,
14:27it's more powerful, it has more weight.
14:29So, of course, for that reason, often,
14:31for example, when there's a breakup,
14:33the person is very clear, they have it
14:35crystal clear." I'm not going back
14:37there, not even as a joke, "but then
14:38the brain sends them idyllic images to
14:40go back to that story, no matter how
14:41much they were hurt, okay? And it's
14:43because there's a point where the
14:45neocortex directly says," I'm not going
14:47up there to slug it out with the
14:49amygdala. "I mean, it's not that I
14:51don't fight the amygdala anymore; I
14:52know it exists and I know it's going to
14:53beat me, so I'm going to decide from
14:55here; I won't get in the ring.
14:57So that's a boxing simile, but it's to
14:59understand a bit what our mental
15:01equipment is. Our mental equipment
15:04determines us absolutely. When you
15:06understand how you function, it’s
15:08much easier to make sense of it. And
15:10there are people who tell me," I’m
15:11having a terrible time with a breakup,
15:12"and I say," Relax. "Look, a breakup
15:14happens at different speeds; the heart
15:16moves a little slower than reason,
15:18which is the same as what I just
15:20explained about the amygdala, right?
15:23It’s going to send you idyllic images
15:26so you’ll provide that chemistry
15:28again, that dopamine, oxytocin, those
15:30emotional bonds, right? That’s a bit
15:33of it.
15:33In other words, we are definitely more
15:35emotional than rational; there is no
15:36doubt about that.
15:37Yes, yes, yes. The newest part, the
15:40neocortex, has less weight in
15:42decision-making than the limbic brain,
15:44which is older.
15:46That is where the entire emotional,
15:48attachment, and bonding aspect of the
15:50human being resides. That is why there
15:51is often so much unhappiness, because
15:53there is a tension. On one hand, we
15:55have that emotional memory residing, I
15:57insist, in the limbic brain. And on the
16:00other hand, we have the neocortex,
16:01which is the part that makes you say,"
16:03Well, I want to live this way, I want
16:04this. "That’s often where
16:06procrastination comes from, for example
16:07, because on a conscious level you say,
16:09" No, I want to get there. "But then
16:10there are unconscious impulses that are
16:12pulling you in another direction. Then,
16:15going even deeper, there is the
16:17hypothalamus, which is the most
16:19primitive part. And that is where Freud
16:21, who was also a neurologist, called it
16:23the id, right? He said that the id was
16:25located there, the part of instinct,
16:27the instincts. The id.
16:28How good, how good.
16:29And can limiting beliefs be passed down
16:31from generation to generation? In other
16:34words, is there something like a legacy
16:36of toxic beliefs?
16:37Yes, this is very powerful, and it is
16:39relatively recently that science has
16:41been able to corroborate it. We always
16:43thought that beliefs came from or were
16:46acquired in childhood, but today
16:48science is proving, has already proven,
16:50that we also inherit beliefs, we
16:52inherit phobias, we inherit fears,
16:55programs,
16:56programs, we download programs that
16:57aren't ours. This has been discovered
17:00in various experiments. Ayua's task was
17:03one, and another, uh, from Rachel
17:05Yehuda, I believe, who is this woman
17:07who did a study on the descendants of
17:09the Holocaust, of the of the, uh,
17:11people who lived, uh, who were in
17:13concentration camps and such, and she
17:16realized they had, uh, something
17:18observable: they had a, uh, lower
17:20tolerance for stress; they had lower
17:22cortisol levels. And you say:" Well,
17:26this is because cortisol doesn't just
17:28accelerate when necessary; cortisol
17:30also modulates, after the fact, the,
17:31the power to return back to Earth, "
17:33right? It's like it would be the brake,
17:35that is, it's the accelerator and at
17:37the same time it's also the brake.
17:38So, what happens? That they had
17:40inherited, they had downloaded that
17:43program, that is, their bodies had
17:45lower levels and lower tolerance to
17:47stress than, uh, control people and
17:49control subjects. Which is interesting,
17:52I mean, lower levels than the general
17:53population, probably because they have
17:55been exposed to such brutal stressors
17:57that current stressors don't trigger a
18:00sufficient cortisol response, right?
18:02It generated tolerance, that is, their
18:05parents 'bodies generated tolerance, or
18:07their grandparents' generated tolerance
18:09, uh, to stress. At a certain point,
18:11stress is like it's a superhero, okay?
18:12That's there to fight. Now imagine that
18:15you have that superhero so, so, so
18:17stressed, pun intended, you have him,
18:19uh, working 24/7, that there comes a
18:21point where the body, for the sake of
18:23energy efficiency, reduces those levels
18:25, because it's as if there's a fire and
18:27you have one firefighter to put them
18:29all out, or you bring out a legion of
18:31firefighters. There comes a moment when
18:35, uh, it gets out of hand, right? So it
18:37is
18:38Yes, yes, a bit like what happens with
18:40insulin resistance and insulin with a
18:41lot of things in hormones and human
18:43physiology. There is also a super
18:45interesting topic, which is the law of
18:47the self-fulfilling prophecy, right?
18:49Tell us a bit about what that's about.
18:51This is brutal. Of course, if you think
18:54that person, but imagine I say," Wow,
18:57Borja is going to hate me. "" Then I'm
19:00already directly reserved and thinking
19:02that he...and you think she's acting
19:04weird, right? "And so I don't like her
19:07at all, what's wrong with her, right?
19:09And so that prophecy is going to be
19:11fulfilled because I am suggesting to my
19:13brain that it should behave or that I
19:15should behave in a certain way, and
19:16that will have consequences in my
19:18environment, right? So, the
19:21self-fulfilling prophecy is brutal,
19:22it's very heavy, very powerful in
19:24psychology.
19:25And basically it is, well, what we've
19:28said, right? That if in the end your
19:30beliefs end up transforming into a
19:32reality, well, that's basically the
19:35definition, it's simple, right? That if
19:37I believe I'm going to be good at math,
19:39in the end I will change my behavior, I
19:41will try harder, I will like math more,
19:43I will end up working at it more, and I
19:45will be better at math.
19:46Totally. That's it. Meaning, your
19:48beliefs are going to shape your
19:49behavior. If you believe you will do
19:51poorly, you will do poorly. If you
19:52believe you will do well, you will do
19:54well.
19:55I've researched a bit about where—
19:57because this is also called the
19:58Pygmalion effect or the Rosenthal
20:00effect—and I've looked into where it
20:02comes from. Well, by the way, in the
20:04positive it's the Pygmalion effect, in
20:06the negative it seems it's called the
20:07Golem effect, so there are two sides to
20:09it, right? And the Pygmalion effect
20:12comes from Greek mythology, where
20:13Pygmalion was a sculptor who made a
20:15very beautiful statue, right, of a
20:17woman, and he believed so fervently
20:19that it would become a reality, that
20:21she would be the woman of his dreams,
20:23that because he believed it so much,
20:25Aphrodite, the goddess of love, granted
20:27his wish and turned her into a real
20:29woman, and that's where the Pygmalion
20:31effect comes from.
20:32How great, how beautiful. I didn't know
20:34that.
20:34Cool. Me neither, but well,
20:35I didn't know the story.
20:36I do a little bit of research. And now
20:39I'm going to ask you something that
20:40might border on the metaphysical, but
20:41I'm interested in asking you. Do you
20:43believe in destiny, or do we create
20:45destiny as we move through life?
20:47I am of the opinion that we create
20:51destiny with our dreams, with our
20:54actions, with our goals. In my opinion,
20:59and because I am a very free person, I
21:02am a person who likes to think that I
21:04have control of my life, that we are
21:06the ones making our destiny. However, I
21:09also flow a lot with things, right?
21:12With the opportunities. Meaning, I
21:14believe that life—there are two ways
21:16to see life—either as a threat or as
21:18an opportunity. So, I always see it as
21:21an opportunity, and I have my filter
21:22very active to detect all the
21:24opportunities that life puts in my path
21:26. And so I believe that things happen
21:28for a reason and that there is a higher
21:30order or, who knows, an intelligence—
21:32let's call it the universe, God, or
21:34whatever anyone wants—that absolutely
21:36escapes our control. And a very
21:39interesting thing, too, is that we can
21:42barely explain reality. We observe a
21:46very small part of reality, an
21:47infinitesimal part of reality. If you
21:49stop to think, the electromagnetic
21:52frequency we pick up is nothing, it's
21:550.000 3.5 35%of what is all around us.
22:01That is to say, we human beings are
22:02very limited by our senses
22:04and then, apart from what we can pick
22:06up with our senses, our brain also has
22:08a filter, which is the ascending
22:10reticular activating system, that out
22:11of everything we could potentially
22:13capture, we only capture another tiny
22:15percentage. I mean, in the end, we have
22:17very little information. So, I
22:19understand that we know barely anything
22:21at all. Therefore, believing in destiny
22:23, not believing in destiny. I am very
22:25free, I insist. So, I work hard to
22:27create my own destiny. Of course.
22:30But I also let myself go. I also
22:32believe that when life puts something
22:33in front of you, since we never know,
22:35you have to go for it. And you've
22:37mentioned something that interests me:
22:39the role of the ascending reticular
22:42activating system, is it to filter
22:44reality and keep the most functional
22:46inputs, or what?
22:48Yes, as a matter of brain energy
22:50efficiency as well, the ascending
22:52reticular activating system is a filter
22:54that captures the inputs from reality
22:57that are useful to you, and this can be
22:59trained. So, when you look for
23:03opportunities, you do it based on this
23:06filter, on this reticular system, based
23:09on how you have it oriented or trained.
23:14In other words, this filter system
23:16highlights some inputs over others
23:18based on what you have been able to
23:20work on, your beliefs, your belief
23:21system, what you look for,
23:23opportunities, and so on. And why do
23:26some people incessantly repeat harmful
23:30patterns in their work, in
23:32relationships, in friendships, in love,
23:35right? The typical person who gets out
23:38of a very toxic relationship and finds
23:40a very similar profile again, and
23:41repeats the story, and then repeats the
23:43story. Why? I believe that life is
23:46constantly going to put before you,
23:48Borja, everything you need to be able
23:50to transcend those limiting beliefs or
23:52patterns. So, that is very, very
23:55powerful, and the brain also wants what
23:57is familiar, as we said before—the
23:59popular sayings, sometimes there are
24:01super destructive beliefs based
24:03precisely on those popular sayings,
24:05right? So, the fact of taking the brain
24:08out of that limiting belief or that
24:13repetitive pattern is going to make it
24:15feel uncomfortable, so it doesn't want
24:18you to challenge it. That is the that
24:20is the issue.
24:21Okay. Okay. Is there any limiting
24:23belief that you see in your patients
24:26that is especially common, that is very
24:28repetitive? Not being enough,
24:30not being enough,
24:32not being good enough, not being smart
24:35enough, not being a good enough person,
24:38not being enough, not being enough in
24:40general, needing external validation
24:43all the time to be able to secure that
24:45self-concept, not being enough. I think
24:49it is the most
24:50And where does that come from, if you
24:51had to say where it comes from?
24:52I think it comes from the universal
24:55fear of being rejected or not being
24:57loved. That is to say, those are the
24:58two universal fears: the fear of not
25:00being loved, the fear of being rejected
25:01or cast out from the herd. So, the
25:03person strives to be good enough so
25:06that they are loved, so that they
25:08aren't rejected. It requires maturity
25:10to realize this. And when you realize
25:13that you don't need any kind of
25:15external validation, at that moment you
25:16become unstoppable,
25:18I mean, you don't care. That's where
25:19you can apply and deploy all your
25:21talents.
25:21It is difficult to get out of that
25:23belief and not need any kind of
25:25validation. It is difficult, but it can
25:27be achieved. There comes a moment in
25:29life where—and that is truly maturity
25:30, right? Where you don't need external
25:32validation because you have a clear
25:33self-concept, you know who you are, so
25:35then nothing weighs you down, neither
25:37downward nor upward, right? I mean, you
25:39neither need to be told you're amazing,
25:41nor do you care if they tell you you're
25:43the worst, so there comes a time when
25:44you become unstoppable because of that.
25:47Well, you know it, when you expose
25:49yourself, you have to assume that there
25:51will be factors, that there will be
25:53people who lift you up, who put you on
25:55a pedestal, and people who drag you
25:57through the mud. You shouldn't let
25:59yourself be carried away by either one
26:00or the other. I mean, you are, well,
26:02I'm not this, but I'm not that either.
26:04Yes, I know who I am.
26:06There’s a lot of talk about the
26:07negative side of haters and criticism
26:09and not letting it get to you, and
26:10that’s fine, but there’s less talk,
26:12I think, Bego, about the positive side
26:14because in general, creators—and we
26:15have to be objective—have more
26:17positive validation than negative, much
26:19, much more. And that’s dangerous too
26:22, because it seems like it only has a
26:23positive aspect, but no. It’s also
26:25dangerous. Getting carried away by it
26:27or needing it, as you say, right? Or
26:29not doing anything if it isn't for that
26:31positive validation. It confuses you a
26:33lot and leads you down dangerous paths.
26:35Yes. If you don't have enough maturity
26:37yet, it can lead you down very
26:39dangerous paths. Stagnation, not moving
26:41forward, believing that you've already
26:43reached where you need to be. Life is a
26:44continuous process of learning. We are
26:46never where we can potentially be. I
26:50mean, no matter how much praise people
26:52give you, no matter how much they
26:54elevate you when they talk about you,
26:56you have to be aware that you must keep
26:58learning, you have to keep going. So,
27:02neither one nor the other; you
27:04shouldn’t get carried away by the
27:05former, although it’s true that most
27:07people’s comments are positive, they
27:09are positive comments, right? But I
27:12insist, you have to keep your feet on
27:14the ground, know who you are.
27:16In the end, people project what’s
27:17inside them. I always say it, people
27:19project what’s inside them. People
27:21who say nice things to you do so
27:22because they have something nice inside
27:23. And for the people who say very
27:25unpleasant things, you just say," Poor
27:27thing. "Honestly, I mean it, it
27:29doesn’t affect me in the slightest.
27:32That is a very good
27:34But, you see, the me of today is not
27:36the me of 20 years ago. Twenty years
27:39ago, I might have taken the bait and
27:41gotten angry or annoyed or felt hurt,
27:43but right now I know that they aren't
27:45talking about me, no matter how
27:46unpleasant what they are saying might
27:48be—they are talking about themselves.
27:52So, I don't engage, or at most, maybe I
27:55try to correct it, but sometimes I use
27:57irony, I try to use irony.
28:00Humor and irony are always good, good
28:02tools. Yes, but then I think," Poor
28:04thing, "and I don't even...
28:06there isn't
28:07well, good lesson. Beliefs affect our
28:10physical health. Yes, very much so,
28:13very much. Of course, if you hold the
28:16belief that life—that the world—is
28:18hostile, that life is apocalyptic, etc.
28:21, your body will secrete from the
28:23adrenal gland, as you know perfectly
28:25well, the famous cortisol; all of that
28:28will cause your immune system to be
28:30more weakened. In short, there is no
28:34doubt that beliefs are a determining
28:36factor when it comes to...
28:38An extreme example comes to mind that I
28:40hadn't planned on, but it just occurred
28:43to me. I believe I remember some
28:46indigenous tribes that took the nocebo
28:48effect to the extreme, to the point
28:51where several deaths were reported from
28:53the nocebo effect, perhaps because a
28:56shaman told them they were going to die
28:58.
28:59With no other scientific basis, simply
29:01saying," You are going to die on
29:03Tuesday at 4:00 PM. "Tuesday at 4:00 PM
29:05would arrive, and they would die. That
29:07strikes me as the most extreme example
29:09of beliefs regarding physical health,
29:11right?
29:11Brutal. I mean, absolutely brutal. And
29:14that is why one must be very careful
29:15when, for example, something is
29:17diagnosed. I mean, you have to be,
29:19because the mind is very powerful, the
29:21mind is super powerful; so, the nocebo
29:23effect can go to those extremes. That
29:24is to say:" Well, you are going to die
29:25from this. "Well, there have been
29:28autopsies of people who passed away
29:30because they were diagnosed with throat
29:31cancer, for example, one I read about
29:33in a study, and in the autopsy, they
29:35had nothing.
29:37It was a misdiagnosis.
29:38Exactly.
29:38Wow. But beliefs can be so, so powerful
29:42. The mind is very powerful, for better
29:44or for worse. That is why it is a tool
29:46that must be used very well.
29:47Hm. And now, deviating a little, why
29:51are there people who fervently believe
29:53in conspiracy theories or totally
29:56extravagant ideas, without any
29:58empirical or scientific foundation, yet
30:00they believe them very, very strongly?
30:04Well, often these people who believe in
30:07this type of...
30:08conspiracy theories like to feel like
30:12part of a select group, okay? For
30:15example, it's like, look, imagine Borja
30:17, you and I know that the Earth is flat
30:19,
30:20and the rest are all...
30:21the rest, poor things, they just can't
30:22grasp it, right? So that makes you feel
30:24more like you belong, right? Like to a
30:26select group of people who are also
30:28above the rest because they're smarter,
30:30right? and because you have more access
30:33; then there's also the issue of
30:34paranoid personality, this type of
30:36personality is more prone to seek them
30:37out, and then also that thrill of the
30:41brain always has a greater tendency to
30:43focus on the weirdest things rather
30:45than the simpler things, right? I mean,
30:47it's a matter of" ooh, what happened
30:48here? ", right? The gossip in all of us
30:50,
30:50yes. I mean, it's about belonging to a
30:52group, belonging to an
30:54anti-establishment discourse and being
30:56in possession of the truth,
30:58the truth that the rest don't,
31:00okay, I can understand it, but it's
31:01hard for me sometimes because of the
31:03ideas they end up believing and
31:05defending, right? Which are
31:06increasingly, it's not just flat earths
31:08anymore, now there are conspiracy
31:09theories about everything,
31:10right? But also, social media
31:12reinforces that a lot, because if you,
31:13for example, look at, I don't know,
31:15fishing stuff all the time, the
31:17algorithm will keep suggesting fishing
31:18stuff to you constantly. And if you
31:22look at, eh, stuff about, I don't know,
31:23some conspiracy theory, the algorithm
31:25is going to keep feeding you all of
31:27that, and you say," My goodness, it's
31:28just all the time; I don't know how
31:30people don't... "" So, this is what's
31:32happening with social media, it's
31:33polarizing human beings a lot, because
31:35obviously, you think that if social
31:36media is constantly...you're on
31:38Instagram or TikTok or wherever, and
31:40you're seeing the same thing all the
31:41time, you say: 'But I don't understand
31:43people, how are they not realizing it?'
31:46"" But I'm seeing all of this all the
31:47time. "And then, of course, that
31:49polarizes things a lot, because you
31:51might think white, I might think black,
31:53and it turns out they don't offer you a
31:54gray, they'll offer you white, they'll
31:56offer you no. That there is more and
31:59more polarization in society and more
32:00fanatical people too.
32:02Yes, yes, yes. Bego, I've been thinking
32:04a lot about faith in God lately. Eh,
32:06why do you think
32:09believers in general are happier, even
32:11in the studies that are conducted? Well
32:14, they have lower mortality and have
32:16protection against some diseases. Why?
32:19I think, although the answer, evidently
32:22there is no correct or false answer,
32:25right? I think it's because they have
32:28that sense of continuity, meaning there
32:31is a heaven, there is an afterlife,
32:33there is a sense of belonging, a sense
32:35of trust that there is something
32:37supreme, a higher intelligence that
32:39governs all of this, right?
32:43And there is a sense of community.
32:46Human beings are made to work as a team
32:50, to build community, right? A living
32:54system, for example, the body, the
32:56cells, everything works together.
33:00And also in the sense of, I don't know
33:03if" avoiding responsibility "is the
33:05right term, but I think it relieves the
33:07soul and the mind much more to feel
33:09that everything happens because there
33:11is a divine will that made it happen,
33:14rather than taking responsibility for,
33:16say, my relationship ended because I
33:18did something wrong, or, I don't know,
33:20I didn't take care of myself and got
33:23sick, right? If we delegate that
33:26personal responsibility, well, we
33:27breathe easier, it's not the same,
33:29right? Saying," Well, this was my fault
33:31, "
33:32versus saying," Look, there is a higher
33:33divine order that made this happen this
33:35way, and it’s not on me. "Yes, humans
33:37have a strong tendency to pass the buck
33:39, yes.
33:41But well, it's a question that doesn't
33:42have, as you say, a clear answer, but
33:44we'll let the audience think about why
33:46believers in general have better health
33:47, because it is so, this is seen in
33:49multiple studies. Uh, what about faith?
33:52Religious faith, faith in God that
33:54protects, right? And I am very
33:56interested from the perspective of
33:58neuropsychology, of beliefs, and so on.
34:00Very, very cool. Let's get into
34:02reprogramming, your star topic,
34:04okay?
34:04Can our beliefs be reprogrammed then?
34:07Fortunately, yes.
34:08Okay? How do we do it?
34:09Well, as I told you a while ago, the
34:11brain doesn't know how to forget, but
34:13rather knows how to replace one program
34:15with another. So, what happens is that
34:18when you internalize a belief, when you
34:20are constantly repeating a thought
34:22until it becomes something automatic
34:24and the brain proposes it to you
34:25without you requiring it, that is,
34:27given a certain input, the brain
34:29proposes that neural pathway to you.
34:32When you want your thinking not to go
34:35that way when faced with that same
34:37input, but to go another way, in that
34:40case, you have to give it this new path
34:42. It's as if we were building a new
34:44highway. The thing is, the brain has a
34:46strong tendency to take the old one,
34:47because the old one has five lanes and
34:49you've been taking it your whole life.
34:50So now you're telling it that it has to
34:52go down a narrow, small path. So, at
34:54first, it's going to be very difficult
34:56for you. You will have to repeat,
34:59repeat, repeat until, as you stop using
35:02the old one, it disappears, and the new
35:05one becomes the route your thoughts
35:07will take when faced with that input,
35:10right? That would be mental
35:12reprogramming, that is, giving your
35:14brain a new belief that displaces the
35:16old one that no longer represents you,
35:18that no longer serves you. Beliefs are
35:20always useful, always. I mean, when at
35:22a given moment, imagine, you are a
35:24person who is mistrustful in a
35:26relationship and you say," Why? "Well,
35:28out of fear of abandonment, fear of
35:30betrayal, fear. And why? Well, because
35:32maybe as a child you were afraid that
35:34your mother would leave or abandon you,
35:36and you extrapolate that to your adult
35:38relationship. But today, you think
35:39about it on a conscious and rational
35:41level and say," This makes no sense.
35:43This belief doesn't represent me. This
35:45is of absolutely no use to me. "So
35:47there, we have to detect which belief
35:49is the one sabotaging you. We are going
35:51to implement a new, more functional
35:54belief through repetition.
35:56So, is it self-talk, really repetition,
35:58or
35:59is there more? I mean, there is more
36:01because there are two critical moments
36:03throughout the circadian cycle, the 24
36:05hours of a human being. One is upon
36:07waking and the other when entering
36:09sleep. There, the brain drops to alpha
36:11and theta brain waves, okay? That is,
36:13waves at different frequencies. It is
36:16as if a door were opening to the
36:17unconscious part, to the unconscious
36:19world. So that is when we introject
36:21certain programs, we download programs
36:23through repetition. For example, what I
36:26do are audios that I make with my voice
36:29, with a specific music that is studied
36:32, the silences between words are also
36:35studied to force the brain to go blank.
36:39It is all studied. So, you listen to
36:41those audios at night, every single
36:43night, and there comes a point, maybe
36:44after two or three weeks, when people
36:45suddenly start sleeping like babies—
36:47it’s incredible. And after two or
36:49three weeks, you start to notice
36:50something; the people around you notice
36:52it, which is magical, especially those
36:54around you. I don’t know what’s
36:56happening to you, because you might
36:57just be suggestible at a given moment
36:58and say," Oh, I feel better. "Fine,
37:00very well. If you report higher levels
37:02of satisfaction, then it has already
37:03been worth it. But when the people
37:05around you start saying it, that means
37:06there’s something there, right? So,
37:08mental reprogramming consists of using
37:10those, especially those two windows of
37:13access to the unconscious mind through
37:15those brain waves.
37:16But then, do they play them before
37:18sleeping and fall asleep with the...
37:20I, I have been doing it for a long time
37:21, I fall asleep listening to them,
37:23okay? with headphones, no, to not
37:25no, without headphones.
37:26Without headphones.
37:28I put my phone down, and for the people
37:30I help with this,
37:32I say, put it on the nightstand and let
37:34it play. And so you keep hearing it,
37:35hearing it, hearing it, and you fall
37:37asleep; I never finish hearing them.
37:39The type of brain waves were, if I
37:40remember correctly, the betas, right?
37:42Which are for waking states. Alpha,
37:44which are states of deep concentration,
37:46of meditation, right? Uh, below that
37:48were the thetas and then the gammas,
37:50which is deep sleep.
37:51Exactly. Spot on.
37:52Okay. Right. And we try to have those
37:55inputs enter in alpha,
37:57alpha, theta. That right there is the
37:59window. So it’s like it stays
38:02simmering in the brain. It’s like
38:04when you, for example, watch a movie or
38:05see some powerful stimulus before
38:06sleeping and suddenly your brain brings
38:08it up in your dreams. No,
38:10it’s because you were suggestible. An
38:12hour before sleeping, we are more
38:13suggestible. So, you have to be very
38:15careful with what you consume right
38:16before you go to sleep. Uh, movies, uh,
38:19social media, TikTok, and all that.
38:23It’s, it’s bad.
38:25Right, bad. Well, it could be good,
38:27right? If the content is appropriate,
38:28but usually it’s not the most
38:30appropriate,
38:31but if it’s content that empowers you
38:33, maybe, or is motivating or something,
38:34perhaps, maybe
38:35better. The thing is, of course, the
38:36blue light from the phone and so on, uh
38:38, significantly affects melatonin
38:40production. You know this perfectly
38:42well, so for that reason alone, I am
38:44very careful with my phone. I set
38:46limits for myself because it’s
38:48something that is happening to
38:50absolutely all of us.
38:51It absorbs everything.
38:52I mean, the energy it sucks from you...
38:54It’s a total energy and attention
38:56hijacker. It’s designed to completely
38:59hijack us.
39:00What you said is true, that the content
39:02of dreams—not always, but often—
39:04does reflect experiences from the day,
39:05especially the negative ones, right?
39:08When they are nightmares. At least I
39:09have that feeling that it reflects
39:11something that happened during the day
39:13that I didn't like, or some worrying
39:15thought, something...
39:17It brings it back to mind; recurring
39:19thoughts, mostly because we are wired
39:21to fight threats, so it has a greater
39:23tendency to bring up those negative
39:25thoughts, right?
39:27I don’t know where I read recently
39:29that one of the theories about sleep is
39:32that dreams aim to provide coherence to
39:34your daily narrative, right? It’s
39:37like emotional glue. It aims to ensure
39:40that what you've lived is understood
39:43coherently, as a story that actually
39:45has a...
39:46To make sense of it,
39:47to make sense of it, right? And
39:48that’s why sleep is important for
39:50emotional health and so on. And this
39:53would link to the increased risk of
39:55psychiatric illness when sleep is
39:57reduced. Oh, absolutely.
39:59Totally. Sleep plays a huge role. The
40:02other day I read—I don't remember
40:04where—that in the Victorian era,
40:07people kept diaries; it was like social
40:09media today, that was the trend back
40:12then. So, that’s why there is data on
40:14sleep hours from that period. About 10
40:16hours, okay? There was an average; they
40:18slept an average of 10 hours.
40:19Wow. Must have been nice.
40:21When the lightbulb was invented, the
40:23history oscillates between 8 and 9,
40:26it goes down. When the television was
40:28invented in the 50s, or rather
40:30implemented in the 50s, it dropped to
40:32about 8 hours, and with social media,
40:34it’s dropping below 7.
40:36Yes, yes.
40:37With social media, people sleep less
40:39now—well, not me, but most people
40:40sleep less than 7 hours. Yeah.
40:42That means the lymphatic system, which
40:44is the one that takes out the brain's
40:46trash, uh, doesn't have time to perform
40:49that necessary cleanup of all the
40:51neurotoxic products generated in the
40:53brain. So, it's very important to
40:56understand the need for sleep and to
40:59set limits for ourselves, Borja. I tell
41:04you, I have to set limits for myself, I
41:05struggle with it, and I think any
41:06content creator who dedicates
41:08themselves to content creation, if they
41:09don't set limits, we end up. You have
41:11problems, you have problems. You have
41:13to set limits. I mean, it's true that I
41:17use the phone exclusively for my work,
41:19but you have to be careful not to give
41:22yourself that, not to give yourself
41:24that explanation. You justify it with
41:27that, right? No, it's just that I'm
41:28working.
41:29It's just that I'm working. Yes, you
41:30have to be, now as I was saying it, I
41:32was realizing that you also have to be
41:33careful with that justification, right?
41:35And set limits for yourself. I have
41:37clear limits; for example, I never take
41:39my phone with internet to bed. I mean,
41:41I turn off the mobile data and I turn
41:43off the Wi-Fi.
41:44I'm in the dining room, imagine, I'm
41:45reading, watching something, and I say,
41:47" Okay, I'm going to sleep. "So, mobile
41:49data off, Wi-Fi off. If someone wants
41:52to, they'll call you, but these days,
41:53nobody calls anyone. I mean, it's not
41:55that you're left uncommunicated, but
41:56you can leave the phone on with volume
41:58at night. If you don't have internet,
41:59nobody will bother you. I've been doing
42:01it for a long time, and nobody bothers
42:03you. So, in that way, you limit
42:06yourself, you self-limit, and I can
42:08play the audio clips to do my mental
42:10reprogramming. I mean, even if I don't
42:13have internet, the audio clips still
42:14work because I have them in voice notes
42:16. So, that's where I play them. Yes.
42:19Is there any shred of scientific truth
42:21to the law of attraction? That romantic
42:23idea that became very fashionable with
42:25those books, right? Which in the end
42:27falls under self-help, but which had
42:28some slightly pseudoscientific ideas,
42:30but in the end, they resonate with me.
42:33Some parts with some of the things
42:35we're saying. I mean, can we in some
42:37way co-create our reality, or are we
42:40simply detecting patterns more
42:42efficiently that lead us to achieve
42:45what we want?
42:46Yes, yes. Well, the subject of what the
42:48law of attraction is and so on. There
42:50was a whole Yankee circus when" The
42:52Secret "came out, which I think was
42:53around 2006 or so.
42:56And then they released 700,000 more,
42:59but the first one was where they got so
43:02creative and so exaggerated with it
43:05that they ruined a quite elegant theory
43:08, which is quantum physics theory that
43:10explains how, or how subatomic physics
43:13works, right? How matter works. So, of
43:17course there is some truth to it. The
43:19thing is that it is very distorted, or
43:21it was very distorted. Now there's a
43:23resurgence. I don't know if you've
43:25noticed people talking about it, even I
43:26have talked about this on some podcast,
43:28right? About quantum physics brought
43:30down to earth, because it’s not,
43:31it’s not simple, right? Understanding
43:33it, and also what we were talking about
43:34earlier, that we can barely describe
43:36almost anything about reality. Einstein
43:38already said that we perceive barely
43:39the lion's tail. The fact is that with
43:41our very limited human perceptual
43:42system, we can barely explain anything.
43:44Therefore, when I hear a theory, I am a
43:46person who has a super open mind. I
43:49never say that's not true or that
43:50doesn't exist or what the heck are you
43:52saying. What one can say is: it hasn't
43:56been proven yet, but science is
43:58starting to prove things that we have
44:01to keep, we have to stay attentive
44:03because, quantum physics or the law of
44:05attraction in this case, which is the
44:08more commercial name given to it, or
44:10more of a showy Yankee fair, has its
44:13scientific connotation too, to give it
44:15a more, uh, scientific point of view.
44:20For example, the issue of if I
44:21visualize something, I mean, if I start
44:23visualizing that I want a million euros
44:24, well girl, if you don't get moving,
44:26it's not going to appear out of nowhere
44:28. That said, if I visualize images,
44:30what I do is activate this system we
44:32were talking about earlier, which is
44:34the ascending reticular activating
44:36system; that is, I activate the filter
44:38of reality to detect more opportunities
44:40. So, that is science. Yes, this is
44:43science. It doesn't mean that a million
44:45euros will rain down on you, but what
44:47you are going to do is
44:49You come up with ideas for business,
44:51for establishing relationships, you
44:52start opening paths, right?
44:54You start cooking up creativity.
44:56The important thing afterwards is to
44:57walk those paths. I think people here
44:59just stay in the phase before going
45:00through with it, right?
45:01Exactly. People who dream, but then
45:03don't do. So, you have to have a
45:05passion. I mean, you are a guy with a
45:07lot of passion and it shows.
45:09Just like me. I mean, we are people who
45:11live things with passion. So, you want
45:12something, you say," I'm going there,
45:13nothing is moving me. "I mean, when you
45:15are very clear about where you want to
45:17go, you visualize very well where you
45:20want to go and you have passion, you
45:22will surely get there.
45:25I've done that intuitively all my life,
45:26well, at least since I was a teenager,
45:28without labeling it as the law of
45:30attraction or anything, but I have
45:31always in my head, well, meditations,
45:33whatever, visualized what I wanted, but
45:34it just came out naturally. I mean, how
45:37could I not get excited about the image
45:38of what I want, right? And it's true
45:41that later, I don't know what to call
45:42it, but life leads you in a way that's
45:44almost
45:46very curious, right? Along paths that
45:48often, not always, but often end up
45:50where you wanted.
45:51This is very exciting. Besides, Borja,
45:52when you wake up in the morning and say
45:53," Do you know what life brings me
45:55today? "
45:55I mean, you live life with the
45:57expectation of hope, of enthusiasm.
46:00I mean, you get excited, you detect
46:02things, you detect opportunities.
46:04Much more interesting, right? A life.
46:05This type of life is much more
46:07interesting. And yes, of course,
46:09visualization puts you in that
46:10frequency. If you visualize, and not
46:13only that, but if you give your brain
46:15the vision, the image that something is
46:17going to go well for you, you take the
46:19pressure off. I mean, imagine you have
46:21to give a lecture for 1,000 people. So,
46:24on one hand, the anxiety of fear will
46:27appear, right? But if you visualize
46:30that you are doing it, that you are
46:31doing it well, you visualize that they
46:33congratulate you when you finish, you
46:34visualize all that,
46:36your brain, when you have to go out and
46:38give the lecture, has already done it,
46:39because the brain does not distinguish
46:41if what it visualizes is true or not,
46:42eh, whether you have lived it or not.
46:44Besides, this is used in other areas
46:46with evidence, such as in sports, motor
46:48imagery, which we were also here with
46:50an expert talking about,
46:52It's used for training; I mean, a
46:54basketball player can mentally practice
46:56shooting a three-pointer or a free
46:59throw, and it's been proven to be
47:01effective, that it works. And,
47:03obviously, it's not exactly the same as
47:05actually shooting the three-pointer,
47:08but those motor patterns are sharpened
47:10when we imagine them. So, probably when
47:13facing an event or a situation that
47:15causes you anxiety or fear, it’s
47:17almost like mental practice; I do it in
47:19sports, and I also do it before a
47:21conference—it really lowers those
47:23nerves, right?
47:25Totally.
47:26I mean, your brain has already lived
47:27through it.
47:27So, it doesn't send you—it doesn't
47:29send you—because fear exists to
47:30protect you. The brain sends you the
47:32emotion of fear so that you don't do
47:33something it considers might put you in
47:35danger. And what danger could you
47:36possibly be in by doing a bad
47:37presentation? Well, facing social
47:39rejection. You might not realize it
47:41consciously, but your brain has its own
47:43path, which is that one. So, you're
47:44telling it to calm down, like you would
47:46a small child, saying," No, relax, this
47:48is going to go well. "And you visualize
47:49it over and over. And then it doesn't
47:52send you fear anymore because it has
47:53lived through it; it's familiar to it.
47:55So, of course, visualization......is
47:57very powerful.
47:58It's super powerful. It's super
47:59powerful. Me too. It's something I
48:02didn't start doing consciously, but
48:04rather, I learned it. There are people
48:07who do it naturally, like you or Arnold
48:09Schwarzenegger, for example;
48:13he mentions in his biography that he
48:14wasn't conscious of what he was doing,
48:16but—look, that man has lived several
48:17lives in one, and what lives they have
48:19been, right?
48:21And from the time he was in that little
48:22village, I don't know if it was Graz in
48:24Austria, when he must have been 15 or
48:2616, he was already visualizing himself
48:28winning the Olympia; I mean, it's
48:29beautiful, isn't it? It's like...
48:31when you look back at it in retrospect,
48:33it's even more beautiful, isn't it?
48:34Those stories motivate me so much
48:37because it's a very recurring pattern,
48:39the dreamer who, at the moment of
48:42starting that dream, everyone laughs at
48:44, and then they end up executing it,
48:47right? Step by step.
48:48It's wonderful. There is a future self
48:50who is very proud of you. I always
48:52believe that. I believe there is a
48:54future self who pulls us toward where
48:57they are and is super proud. You are
48:59doing it well.
49:00Keep going, you're doing it well. your
49:02self-motivator.
49:04The term subconscious is very beautiful
49:07. Uh, it is usually quite criticized
49:09within the scientific community. Is it
49:11a term that has scientific validity or
49:13what exactly are we referring to when
49:15we mention it? Yes, subconscious is
49:18used more uh on a colloquial level, the
49:21word subconscious,
49:23but the unconscious
49:26which does have scientific backing, is
49:28that part of your brain that you don't
49:31have voluntary access to, right? And
49:34that evidently operates below your
49:35level of consciousness. There is no
49:37doubt and the scientific community has
49:38no discussion about it. So I sometimes
49:41use the word subconscious, sometimes I
49:42use the word that is more colloquial
49:44that does not have that scientific
49:46backing or evidence, but
49:48but the public understands it more,
49:49right? And the and the unconscious, yes
49:52, evidently, and there it is called
49:53implicit memory, they call it, but in
49:55the end it is the unconscious, it is
49:57that part
49:58that submerged part of the iceberg,
49:59right? Indeed, it is that part of the
50:02iceberg, that limbic brain above all,
50:05the one that directs 95%of our
50:08behaviors. Uh,
50:09it is said that it basically directs
50:11our life.
50:12It directs our life more than we can
50:14even imagine, what I was telling you
50:16before, right? The fact that your brain
50:18proposes thoughts to you that you
50:20execute and that you think you have
50:22done consciously, but what you are
50:24doing is justifying a decision that you
50:27already took 2 seconds before. Of
50:30course, now science is starting to
50:32demonstrate how your body a short time
50:34before is already noting modifications.
50:38So, of course, you are not deciding
50:39from reason, you are deciding from a
50:41much deeper part,
50:42from intuition. This this links to what
50:44I was going to ask you. What is
50:46intuition then from a psychological
50:48perspective? What is what is intuition?
50:50Intuition is wonderful. The the all the
50:52advances that there are in this in this
50:54subject. Intuition is your body warning
50:57you.
50:58The subconscious or the unconscious uh
51:01detects things that your conscious part
51:03cannot detect due to a question of
51:05energy efficiency again, right? That is
51:08, the brain can capture a series of
51:10inputs at a conscious level, but at an
51:12unconscious level it detects, imagine,
51:14many more. What happens when you are
51:16suddenly in front of a person? You say,
51:18there’s something about this person
51:20that doesn't add up, something that
51:21rubs me the wrong way, I don't know.
51:23It’s your subconscious that has
51:24picked up on nuances that you haven't.
51:27Or for example, someone who gets in
51:29touch with me and says," I feel, I
51:31think my partner is cheating. "And you
51:33say," Well, let's see, do you have
51:35objective data that corroborates that
51:36suspicion? "No, but I sense something.
51:39And you say," Wow, they’re being
51:41cheated on. For sure. "
51:42Yes. Well, there must be times when
51:43that’s not the case, right? But
51:45it’s rare that it isn't. But why?
51:47Well, I’m talking about when
51:48there’s a long-standing mutual
51:49knowledge, right? I mean, a person who
51:51has been with the same person for 20
51:52years, or 10 or five, whatever it is,
51:53but there is familiarity and you don't
51:55notice anything. Uh, but there is
51:56something because your conscious brain,
51:58your conscious part doesn't notice it,
52:00doesn't see it because it’s much more
52:02limited. However, your unconscious part
52:06, which is practically unlimited,
52:07it’s 95%, is detecting, like a
52:09movement of a phone, like, I mean,
52:11little details, subtleties
52:14that and then of course, these are
52:17sensations and it’s your body warning
52:19you that there is something that
52:22doesn't add up. That is intuition.
52:24Intuition is what warns you, right?
52:27What puts you on notice.
52:29Can you train yourself to listen to
52:32that intuition? Can we become more
52:34sensitive to intuition?
52:35Yes. Through the interoceptive system,
52:38being more in contact with the
52:40sensations your body sends you, that is
52:42, the sensations in your stomach, that
52:44feeling of tightness or your shoulders
52:46being raised. It’s like," Let’s see
52:49, let’s see, what am I feeling? "
52:50Emotions, your emotions are going to
52:52indicate that. Emotions are the great
52:55messengers of how your mind is doing.
52:58And you personally, do you listen to
52:59your intuition whenever you can?
53:01Yes, now I do. Not before. Now I do.
53:03Now I really do. I have learned. Okay,
53:06I have learned throughout my journey.
53:08Before, uh, but throughout my life’s
53:10journey, I have indeed learned that
53:11when there is something warning me, I
53:13listen to it. That is, I listen to my
53:16body, how I feel, how I...Yes, yes,
53:19but when it comes to making decisions,
53:21can intuition also be wrong, or not?
53:23Yes, of course. You may have suggested
53:25it to yourself; I mean, you may have
53:27consciously looked for an explanation
53:29that you then attribute to your
53:31subconscious,
53:31right? You can sort of turn it around,
53:33right? But if we look, uh, normally at
53:38sensations without bias, it’s much
53:40more complicated. I mean, it’s most
53:44likely that your intuition is right.
53:46That is the most common thing.
53:48And how do you reconcile reason and
53:51intuition? I mean, can they collaborate
53:53?
53:53They collaborate the moment reason
53:56becomes aware that the intuition exists
53:59, and at that point, there can be a
54:01conscious self-observation of that part
54:04or that more inaccessible world, right?
54:08And the body is constantly
54:10communicating with the brain—
54:12constantly—the heart, the digestive
54:14system; there is communication going on
54:17all the time. Right, we mentioned it
54:21earlier, I’d like to go a little
54:23deeper into the topic of heart
54:25coherence, the work of the HeartMath
54:28Institute, right? Uh, also the
54:31brain-heart coherence. What does this
54:34institute do and why has it gained so
54:36much relevance?
54:37Yes, it’s really taking off right now
54:39because of all the studies they’re
54:41doing on the bidirectional
54:42communication between the heart and the
54:44brain. Yes, the heart, you know, has
54:47about 40,000 neurons. So it’s like a
54:49mini-brain, and there are impulses, and
54:51it’s been seen that there is more
54:53information going from the heart to the
54:55brain than the other way around,
54:56from the bottom up.
54:57Yes. For example, stress causes the
55:01heart to lose coherence, meaning there
55:03is no rhythm, okay? There is no
55:07coherence in the heartbeat, and that
55:09causes coherence to be lost at the
55:10brain level as well. Due to this
55:13communication. When the heart is
55:15coherent, the brain becomes coherent;
55:17this means the waves will be lower,
55:19they will even be in an alpha rhythm.
55:22And there, uh, the prefrontal cortex is
55:24activated, it lights up. However, when
55:26it is incoherent, it is the back part
55:28of the brain that is most active. That
55:30has been seen in functional magnetic
55:31resonance imaging. Alpha waves are lost
55:33when the brain is incoherent. So, this
55:36brain-heart communication is very
55:38interesting. Furthermore, the
55:40perception of the world occurs when the
55:42brain and the heart are in coherence,
55:44okay? There is like an impasse, just a
55:48few milliseconds in which the heart and
55:52the brain are in communication, right?
55:55And how can one increase that coherence
55:57between the two? With heart coherence,
55:59what you do is, for example, through
56:01breathing,
56:02modulate your breathing. Mindfulness is
56:05also a very good way to make the heart
56:08coherent. Breathing is the anchor,
56:10above all. That is to say, when there
56:13is incoherence, when there is
56:14deregulation, for example, because you
56:16are very rushed, very stressed, which
56:18we also notice, eh, we notice how
56:19breathing is shallower, breathing
56:21changes. So, when you are aware of that
56:24, you have to stop for a moment, pay
56:26attention to the body, and focus on
56:28your breathing. That is super powerful,
56:30super important,
56:31a very, very, very cool topic. Let's
56:33talk now about a topic you have also
56:34covered quite a bit in your outreach,
56:36which is the subject of infidelity,
56:38right? Which I think causes many
56:39headaches and generates much suffering
56:41in this world.
56:42Yes.
56:43Infidelity has always existed.
56:45Yes, probably so, because there are
56:48internal impulses. So yes, of course,
56:51in all cultures,
56:52in all cultures,
56:53the most repressed, the most liberal.
56:56I think so, the point is to understand
56:58the concept of fidelity. If we
57:00understand the concept of infidelity as
57:02breaking the couple's pact, well, there
57:03are cultures where there is no pact. So
57:05, if there is no pact of exclusivity,
57:07one is not unfaithful. That is to say,
57:10in the end, what is violated is the
57:13pact in societies where fidelity or
57:19monogamy is implemented. So, if
57:22pacts that also come from a cultural,
57:24religious, eh, background from many
57:26places, right?
57:27Totally. Totally. Yes. The issue is
57:30that people right now are taking it
57:32very poorly because we have, like, a
57:34double standard. That is, the issue is
57:37that we have a culture that is still
57:39monogamous, but then on the other hand
57:41there is a lot of permissiveness in
57:43other ways and a lot of drive and many
57:46stimuli and, above all, a huge need for
57:48external validation. That need for
57:51external validation that the human
57:52being has is brutal. So, what happens?
57:55That I can be very good with you in a
57:57relationship, but it turns out that
57:59since I am being flattered elsewhere, I
58:02am there, eh, and that is the problem.
58:04And that has been greatly contributed
58:06to, once again, by social media, by
58:07hyperconnectivity. Well, you can't
58:09imagine, the people who talk to me,
58:11it's brutal. I mean, they’re just
58:14poorly adjusted, poor things, people
58:16are very lost because, obviously, you
58:17say, let’s see, but I’m giving it
58:19my all, I give everything to my partner
58:21and it’s not enough. And they’re
58:24constantly posting photos, uh,
58:25the comparison, right? Also
58:27that bias of comparison, that need for
58:29external validation again.
58:32And the feeling that I think this also
58:34contributes a lot to what I just said
58:35about" I could have something better
58:37than what I have, "the constant" I
58:39could have something better. "And if
58:41this is good, it’s good, but it could
58:43it could be better. Yes.
58:45And in the end, that hurts.
58:47Yes,
58:48it hurts.
58:49Yes, yes, yes. It hurts quite a bit.
58:50What do you think infidelity is
58:52fundamentally due to? I mean, well,
58:54we’re mentioning various factors, but
58:56is it a lack of impulse control, a lack
58:58of affection, the hyper-stimuli we’ve
59:00mentioned, or a lack of moral
59:01principles, right? As it is often
59:03attributed.
59:04To what? I think it’s a sum of
59:08several factors, the ones you mentioned
59:10, I think those are the main ones,
59:12right? The amount of stimuli out there,
59:16people being more economically
59:18self-sufficient, that means, well, I
59:20can be on my own, I can support myself,
59:23so if someone enters my life, it has to
59:26be to make me better. And then
59:28there’s that addiction I’ve talked
59:30about before, the addiction to the
59:32butterflies,
59:33to novelty, that rush which also has
59:35its biological basis. When you meet a
59:39person, for biological reasons, you
59:41tend to have bonding hormones, oxytocin
59:44, vasopressin, all the dopamine, all
59:46those neurotransmitter rushes that work
59:49to bond you to that person. There comes
59:52a point where, obviously, that’s
59:54unsustainable; we couldn’t work or
59:55stay focused if we were like that all
59:57the time. It lasts for a while, just
59:59enough time to bond. When that fades,
1:00:01people think," Oh, this isn't the one.
1:00:04"Because I thought I felt
1:00:06the veil is lifted and then you truly
1:00:07see the other person. Because, of
1:00:09course, that entire rush of
1:00:11neurotransmitters makes you see a
1:00:13distorted image of the other,
1:00:14it clouds your judgment, right?
1:00:15It clouds it. So, when the veil falls
1:00:17and suddenly you see the other person
1:00:18as they really are, you say," Oh my,
1:00:19now what do I do with this person? "
1:00:21This wasn't how it
1:00:22Sure, I thought it was one way and now
1:00:24it turns out it’s another. You say,"
1:00:26No, apart from the fact that there's
1:00:28also the marketing phase, which is when
1:00:30you meet someone and obviously you show
1:00:32your best side, you're not going to
1:00:34show your misery,
1:00:35right? Of course, you have to sell
1:00:36yourself, right?
1:00:36You have to sell yourself. I mean, if I
1:00:37ask you, Borja, "And what do you like?"
1:00:39And I also love watching football on a
1:00:40Sunday, lounging on the couch and
1:00:42drinking beer with my buddies. You
1:00:43don't say that; it doesn't sell. Then
1:00:47suddenly, after six months, I say, "Man
1:00:49, Borja’s just lounging around all
1:00:50day,
1:00:50all day long, and at first we used to
1:00:52go out and do interesting things, and
1:00:54now it's just sitting there all the
1:00:56time, and you think, 'No, this isn't it
1:00:58,' and you add to that the ease of
1:01:00meeting people because
1:01:01the dating apps
1:01:02the apps, but now
1:01:04social media, you don't even have to go
1:01:06anywhere, because social media is just
1:01:08camouflaged dating apps too, Borja,
1:01:10watch out, because you get hit on by
1:01:12people who are taken and people who
1:01:14aren't. And another thing I try to get
1:01:16people to understand is that they
1:01:18aren't just flattering you; they’re
1:01:20flattering 50,000 others. I mean,
1:01:22man, of course,
1:01:22of course. So people feel like," I'm
1:01:25the best, "because there are 50 people
1:01:26hitting on them, and you look at the
1:01:28guy next to you watching football with
1:01:29his friends and think," I have to be
1:01:30with him when I have 50 others behind
1:01:32me? "But those 50 are, in turn, hitting
1:01:35on 50 others, on 500 more. Right.
1:01:39So, you really have to be mature and
1:01:41realize that, in the end, being in a
1:01:43couple involves making decisions, and
1:01:45deciding means choosing one person.
1:01:48I choose you, therefore I have to give
1:01:50up the rest, because that’s what we
1:01:52have socially these days. It’s a
1:01:54different story if there are different
1:01:55agreements. Mind you, I don't defend
1:01:57monogamy at all costs; let everyone do
1:01:59what they want. There are couples that
1:02:02have other agreements, and as long as
1:02:04the pact of loyalty is kept—which to
1:02:06me is very important—meaning, I am
1:02:08loyal to you. And what does being loyal
1:02:10imply? Well, let's talk about it. This
1:02:12is very important: talking about what a
1:02:14couple’s agreements are. They seem
1:02:15tacit, implicit, but that’s not
1:02:17always the case. So, you have to talk
1:02:19about it, and that’s what happens;
1:02:21when the veil falls, there are
1:02:23basically three phases, right? That
1:02:26first phase in relationships where the
1:02:28person is totally abducted by
1:02:29neurochemicals, a second phase where
1:02:31you think," Oh my god, who is this in
1:02:33front of me? "and a third phase, and
1:02:35that’s when you make a bet in the
1:02:37second phase. Meaning, there are two
1:02:39paths there. Or" Well, they have this,
1:02:44and I understand that nobody is perfect
1:02:46, and their little quirks aren't
1:02:48incompatible with mine. "Okay, this is
1:02:50super important.
1:02:51Yes, because we all have little quirks,
1:02:52right? The key is the compatibility of
1:02:54those quirks. Exactly, I mean, there
1:02:55are people who say," Yeah, but they
1:02:56have this and that. "I say," But do you
1:02:58really think a human being exists who
1:03:00is going to be exactly how you want? "
1:03:02No, you have to see if those things
1:03:05that bother you are significant enough
1:03:08to actually cause you harm. So, if—
1:03:11now, if they’re things where you say,
1:03:14" No, look, we’re like night and day,
1:03:16I love having a social life and this
1:03:18person is very quiet, "then maybe you
1:03:20need to rethink the whole thing, right?
1:03:23Exactly. And then you move into a third
1:03:25phase where you generate more long-term
1:03:27, deeper bonds; it’s a different
1:03:29thing,
1:03:30right? There’s a saying that love
1:03:31begins when infatuation ends, and
1:03:33that’s when love truly starts.
1:03:35And then I think there’s another
1:03:37generational factor which, in this case
1:03:39, I consider positive: the current
1:03:41generation doesn’t settle for
1:03:42unhappiness, excuse me. I mean, the
1:03:46generation of our grandparents and
1:03:48great-grandparents often lived their
1:03:50whole lives in unhappy marriages
1:03:52because, first, they considered it
1:03:53normal and, second, marriage wasn't
1:03:55designed to make you happy; it was
1:03:57designed to achieve other goals
1:03:59regarding stability, finances, life
1:04:01plans, offspring, and it was quite
1:04:03common to see grandparents and
1:04:05great-grandparents who were unhappy and
1:04:07didn't love each other, but were
1:04:09married and would stay that way until
1:04:11the end, right? And today, luckily,
1:04:14that’s not viewed that way. I mean,
1:04:15if I choose a person, it's so that I
1:04:18can be happy, right? With all those
1:04:20conditions and whatnot, but there has
1:04:22to be a plan for happiness, right? I
1:04:25mean, I think that's also an important
1:04:26point,
1:04:27Extremely important, Borja. And thank
1:04:29goodness, because it's true that
1:04:30settling for a relationship that makes
1:04:32you unhappy, I just don't see it;
1:04:34that's my opinion.
1:04:35I don't think anyone sees it that way
1:04:36nowadays,
1:04:36Right? There are many people who ask,"
1:04:38Well, how many years have you been
1:04:39married? "And some grandparents pop up
1:04:40saying," We've been married for 60 or
1:04:4250 years. "But let's see, what year—
1:04:43And let's see, what exactly does that
1:04:45mean? It means they have incredible
1:04:47endurance.
1:04:48Look, there can obviously be wonderful
1:04:50relationships where they are super in
1:04:52love,
1:04:52but those would be the exception.
1:04:54But they are the exception. I mean, the
1:04:55norm. Besides, there's another factor
1:04:57that gets overlooked, and that is that
1:04:59people often evolve differently. I mean
1:05:01, you might mesh very well with a
1:05:03partner at, let's say, 20 years old.
1:05:05You meet a girl at 19 or 20, and for 10
1:05:07years you're super happy, but after
1:05:09that, you start to notice that it's
1:05:10fading, something isn't right, and
1:05:12maybe you've evolved at one pace, and
1:05:13that person has evolved at another;
1:05:15you're no longer the same. So in that
1:05:18case, what you have to do is just that:
1:05:20say goodbye with affection, move on to
1:05:22a different stage, and not just be in,
1:05:25in...
1:05:26Yes, because when you fall in love, it
1:05:28seems like you fall for the person from
1:05:30the beginning, and you often don't
1:05:31consider that the person from the
1:05:33beginning can change and that your love
1:05:35might have to change too, because
1:05:36otherwise you'll say," This isn't the
1:05:38person I signed up for. "
1:05:40No, no, no. There are people who stay
1:05:42stuck on the snapshot from the
1:05:43beginning, and sometimes they stay in
1:05:45relationships that are unbearable
1:05:46because their mind is stuck on that
1:05:48initial photo, and that is no longer
1:05:50there. It's just that the person is no
1:05:52longer the same, and you have to know
1:05:54how to see that and leave.
1:05:57Is the cheater always the executioner
1:05:58and the one being cheated on the victim
1:06:00?
1:06:01I think there are nuances there.
1:06:03A loaded question.
1:06:04Yes, yes, yes, yes. It's, it's Estela.
1:06:07Eh, I think there are nuances there.
1:06:09You have to look at what led someone to
1:06:11behave the way they did. You have to
1:06:14look at the context that person has in
1:06:16their world. I always say that you
1:06:19shouldn't—you shouldn't judge people
1:06:21at first glance by what they do or
1:06:23don't do, right? I also think there are
1:06:25degrees—some people give me a hard
1:06:27time about this, but I think it's true.
1:06:29There are degrees.
1:06:30Sure. Yes. I mean, it’s not the same
1:06:32if you are premeditating, talking to
1:06:34someone for a month, planning an
1:06:35encounter, and going off with that
1:06:36person, as if you go out with your
1:06:38friends one night, get drunk, and hook
1:06:39up with someone. I mean, it's wrong, of
1:06:41course it's wrong, but is it the same,
1:06:43right? It’s not the same. I mean,
1:06:44whether you're in a moment in your
1:06:46relationship where everything is
1:06:47perfect and you go off with someone
1:06:49else, or a moment where there's a
1:06:50brutal crisis and you go off with
1:06:52someone else, is it wrong? Of course
1:06:53it's wrong, but is it the same? No,
1:06:55it's not the same. Why? Because if you
1:06:57and I are doing well and you allow
1:06:59yourself to focus outside the
1:07:00relationship, flirt, and hook up with
1:07:02someone, I will never be able to feel
1:07:04relaxed with you in that relationship
1:07:07again.
1:07:07Right.
1:07:07It’s impossible. I mean, I can
1:07:09forgive you, yes, but if I know the
1:07:11trust is already broken and I’m going
1:07:13to enter a toxic relationship, as much
1:07:15as I love you, I have to put my
1:07:16self-love first and say:" I am not
1:07:18going to drag myself into a toxic
1:07:19relationship. "I don't want to." And I
1:07:21know I’m going to be in a toxic
1:07:23relationship because I can't trust that
1:07:25person. "So, I am not going to—I
1:07:26won't allow myself to have to go around
1:07:28controlling anyone or suffering for
1:07:30anyone.
1:07:30That's very exhausting.
1:07:32It is very exhausting. So, in the end,
1:07:34you have to be—never, ever lose that
1:07:37self-love. And although it's difficult,
1:07:39you leave, and you leave without
1:07:41batting an eye; I mean, you have to
1:07:43leave, you have to perform an act of
1:07:44self-love and leave.
1:07:46And it is very brave to leave when you
1:07:48love someone, but it is the best
1:07:49decision you can make. I mean, do you
1:07:52want to stay in a situation that you
1:07:55know is going to keep putting you in an
1:07:58absolutely painful position?
1:08:00Do men and women cheat for different
1:08:03reasons?
1:08:04Historically, it has always been—we
1:08:05have always been different. Nowadays
1:08:07things are balancing out a lot, but
1:08:08historically, yes. There's a phrase I
1:08:11use, but I really mean it that way. Men
1:08:14are or have historically been more
1:08:16unfaithful out of gluttony; I mean, the
1:08:18woman was at home, he had everything,
1:08:20so everything is calm, my house, my
1:08:22wife, my children,
1:08:24everything in order. And now I allow
1:08:26myself
1:08:26out of, out of gluttony, right? I mean,
1:08:29I allow myself to have a fling, that
1:08:31phrase" having a fling. "Hey, there's a
1:08:33phrase that kills me, which is" out of
1:08:35sight, out of mind. "I say, of course
1:08:37the heart feels it; the eyes might not
1:08:39be seeing it, but what about you? I
1:08:42mean, for yourself, what are your
1:08:43values? You do know. So, even if the
1:08:45other person doesn't know it, you know
1:08:47it. And how do you live with yourself
1:08:49if you don't have any kind of values or
1:08:51principles, right?
1:08:52So, historically, things have indeed
1:08:54functioned more like that. Men, more
1:08:57out of gluttony, and women, more due to
1:08:58abandonment—mind you, perceived
1:09:00abandonment—because maybe it's not a
1:09:02de facto abandonment, but the person
1:09:03thinks or feels they aren't being cared
1:09:05for, attended to, valued, loved; and so
1:09:07, the woman, well, someone suddenly
1:09:08pays attention to her and...
1:09:10she gets hooked. Hooked, but because
1:09:13it's a deeper thing, more emotional and
1:09:15affective.
1:09:16And men, more out of carnal desire, out
1:09:18of, out of...
1:09:18Exactly, more out of gluttony. So,
1:09:20historically it has always been that
1:09:22way, but I insist, things are balancing
1:09:23out because we are becoming equal on
1:09:25many levels, right? And this is one of
1:09:27them. From what I hear, the people who
1:09:29talk to me and tell me things and so on
1:09:31, nowadays, I think the percentage of
1:09:33unfaithful men and women might be about
1:09:36the same, eh,
1:09:36similar, yes. Absolutely.
1:09:38And before, it was more men than women.
1:09:40Yes, before it was more men than women.
1:09:41Of course it was.
1:09:42Yes, yes.
1:09:43And once again, well, what we've said,
1:09:45hyperconnectivity, social media, and so
1:09:47on, have a lot to do with that.
1:09:49It's just horrible. I mean, it's
1:09:50something, they talk...
1:09:51they'll tell you stories, stories.
1:09:52They tell me stories that make me say,"
1:09:54Oh my God, what is this? "But yes, yes.
1:09:55I mean, people who are really having a
1:09:58hard time with social media, with their
1:10:00partners. So, I think that, hey, if you
1:10:02have a partner, delete them, it's fine.
1:10:04I mean, you don't need them. I already
1:10:06have friends who have deleted social
1:10:08media for reasons like that. Uh,
1:10:10delete it, yes, because at the end of
1:10:11the day, it's something where you ask,
1:10:13well, what do you use it for? That is
1:10:15very important, what do you use social
1:10:16media for? So, starting from there, if
1:10:18it makes your partner uncomfortable,
1:10:20delete it.
1:10:21Is dating in 2025 easier or harder than
1:10:24it was 25 years ago? I think it's
1:10:27different. Now there are the, uh,
1:10:30dating apps, the networks like Tinder,
1:10:32right? For example, it's like the
1:10:34trendy nightclub. Back then, 20 years
1:10:37ago, you'd go to the club, you'd go to
1:10:39the club.
1:10:41The virtual nightclub is Tinder, right?
1:10:43And then there’s the club from 20 or
1:10:4530 years ago, the physical club where
1:10:47you’d go and catch someone's eye,
1:10:48then someone would approach, or someone
1:10:50else would.
1:10:51You'd do a lap to scout the place.
1:10:52Yeah. The" hookup lap, "right?
1:10:54The hookup lap. Yes. I didn't know that
1:10:56was called that in Mallorca, too.
1:10:58Also, also, I think the concept, the
1:11:00term is universal. So yes, you do the
1:11:02hookup lap, and that’s when you’d
1:11:04see how things were looking. Not
1:11:06anymore. The thing is, it’s true that
1:11:09it has changed, obviously the way, the
1:11:12—it's like a catalog of people, right
1:11:15? It’s like...
1:11:17Yeah,
1:11:18it’s a catalog.
1:11:19It’s kind of dehumanizing, right?
1:11:21It’s like a department store catalog
1:11:22and you’re just flipping through. Not
1:11:23this one, yes this one, not this one.
1:11:25Yes, totally. So you’re scrolling
1:11:27through and you say, and there comes a
1:11:29moment when you say," Look, forget it.
1:11:31"" Yeah, it’s, it’s different. "
1:11:33It's also true that it brings people
1:11:36closer who are more, uh, imagine
1:11:38telecommuting.
1:11:40I’ll speak for myself.
1:11:41A person who doesn't leave the house
1:11:43much, perhaps. I work from home, I work
1:11:45in an office, but I work alone; I mean,
1:11:47I’m not with a team of people every
1:11:49day, like there have been stages in my
1:11:51life where I did work with a team,
1:11:53right? So, obviously, when I interact,
1:11:55it’s when I go out to walk my dog,
1:11:57when I go to the gym; those are the
1:11:58moments. But there is that time where I
1:12:00don't interact with anyone, which is
1:12:02the time that, well, I interact with
1:12:04people I work with, but it's not a
1:12:05context where you're going to start
1:12:07flirting, obviously. It's just how it
1:12:09is. So it is true that it's difficult
1:12:13when you interact with fewer people,
1:12:15and the topic of apps, well, this makes
1:12:18it easier for people who don't interact
1:12:20with others to be able to meet new
1:12:22people. In the end, like everything,
1:12:25it's about using them well,
1:12:26right? I mean, it's different, there
1:12:28are simply opportunities, but well,
1:12:30many movements also arise, especially
1:12:32in the male sector, right? The
1:12:34so-called Incels, right? Which means
1:12:37involuntary celibates. Basically, the
1:12:40incel [anthropologist] here in an
1:12:41episode recently,
1:12:43who are men, as they told it—I didn't
1:12:46know much about the movement—who
1:12:47complain that they can't find a partner
1:12:49, basically they get angry and now they
1:12:51turn against the world and against
1:12:53women, and they say that women, well,
1:12:55are very selective and that
1:12:58yes, the most hateful comments, I mean,
1:13:00the heaviest hate comes from this type
1:13:03of male profile, I mean, it's very
1:13:05intense. angry against
1:13:07angry, angry, who knows about these
1:13:09guys. Yes, yes, yes. I mean, really
1:13:11hostile things like that. So there I
1:13:12say, poor things.
1:13:14So, of course, one of the things I've
1:13:17said in some interviews is that
1:13:19nowadays it's easier than ever to meet
1:13:23people and be with different people. So
1:13:26, this profile you're mentioning jumps
1:13:28down my throat. That, those are just a
1:13:30few, or that must be you, or I don't
1:13:32know what, because I've been on Tinder
1:13:34for I don't know how long and I haven't
1:13:36hooked up with anything, and it's true,
1:13:38it exists,
1:13:39but let's see, 40 years ago
1:13:42photo, take a normal photo because,
1:13:43clearly,
1:13:4440 years ago there was also the guy who
1:13:45hooked up a lot, the one who didn't,
1:13:47it's been like that forever. The thing
1:13:49is, well, I don't know, now it seems
1:13:50like we can all hook up with whoever we
1:13:52want at the click of a button and that
1:13:53is something that isn't so immediate,
1:13:55is it?
1:13:56And besides, I don't know, take care of
1:13:58your photo's aesthetic a little bit,
1:14:00right? There are people
1:14:01and things, right? But, but yes, I do
1:14:02understand, I understand where you're
1:14:03coming from. Another relational topic
1:14:06that causes a lot of pain, well, I'd
1:14:08say the most, is a breakup,
1:14:10what kind of imprint does a breakup
1:14:12leave on the body, physically?
1:14:14Very powerful, Borja. What happens in a
1:14:18breakup is that there is a drop, boom,
1:14:21a sudden nosedive in dopamine, oxytocin
1:14:24, all the feel-good neurotransmitters,
1:14:27right? There is a brutal drop and a
1:14:30simultaneous massive spike in cortisol.
1:14:33So, to begin with, this is brutal. And
1:14:37it has also been observed that there is
1:14:40a cardiac effect, the so-called broken
1:14:43heart syndrome, where a part of the
1:14:45heart starts beating differently; it
1:14:48becomes dysregulated. There is a
1:14:51possibility that the person is given
1:14:53beta-blockers at the hospital because
1:14:55the symptoms are very similar to a
1:14:56heart attack. While it might not be
1:15:00that delicate, it is definitely
1:15:02suffered on a physical and
1:15:03physiological level, and obviously on a
1:15:06psychological level, that is
1:15:07indisputable, but it doesn't stay in
1:15:09the psychological realm when there is a
1:15:11breakup; it reaches the physical plane,
1:15:13the body is affected, the body suffers.
1:15:16That is why it is so important to have
1:15:19a protective environment. And this is
1:15:21very curious, Borja, because what I am
1:15:23seeing is that, historically, women
1:15:25have communicated a lot among ourselves
1:15:27, we give each other a lot of emotional
1:15:30support, but men do not. So, many men
1:15:33who talk to me and reach out say," It
1:15:34feels so good to talk to you because I
1:15:36have no one else to talk to. "It’s
1:15:39sad, isn't it? Because their buddy
1:15:40tells them," Come on, man, don't
1:15:42overthink it. "
1:15:42And that is the level of help we
1:15:44provide each other. At most, the
1:15:45support is a pat on the back,
1:15:47or" let's go get drunk, "and that's it,
1:15:48but
1:15:48Exactly." Come on, don't worry, there's
1:15:49plenty more, "and so on. And maybe the
1:15:52person needs to share and say," Look,
1:15:53this happened to me, "and with us, it's
1:15:55the opposite; when there's a breakup,
1:15:56when a friend breaks up, you go out to
1:15:58dinner and
1:15:59talk for three or four hours.
1:16:01Well, I don't go to dinner directly
1:16:02because it makes your hea—No, I'm
1:16:04kidding. And we have that logistical
1:16:07support for one another, but men don't,
1:16:09because men have been raised in a
1:16:11different way. And I notice that
1:16:13deficiency in men nowadays. I notice
1:16:15that they need to modify that style of
1:16:18bonding with their friends. Meaning,
1:16:20that a friend shouldn't just be the guy
1:16:22you go to play soccer and have some
1:16:24beers with, but also your confidant, as
1:16:26we are to each other, because you need
1:16:28to talk when there is a breakup, just
1:16:30like women do.
1:16:31Yes, we need to vent things and it's
1:16:33very
1:16:34uh, the unpleasant feeling of needing
1:16:36to vomit and not, and not being able to
1:16:37vomit. No, no, no. That’s why
1:16:39I compare it to when you’re really
1:16:40sick to your stomach, you want to throw
1:16:42up and you can't, you just can't.
1:16:43Well, well yes. And that’s where
1:16:46coping behaviors come in, which are
1:16:47often dangerous or destructive. I’m
1:16:50not just talking about the typical
1:16:52alcohol and drugs, but also excessive
1:16:54exercise, well, thousands of ways to
1:16:56escape that we men use. Some women too,
1:16:59I imagine, but this is quite a
1:17:00masculine thing, right? And it hurts us
1:17:02, but it’s all because of what
1:17:03you’re saying, not channeling
1:17:05emotional expression the way it should
1:17:06be, right? It can’t always be," Come
1:17:09on, you'll get through this. "
1:17:10A few years ago, I thought that was
1:17:12good. I mean, I remember once in Ibiza,
1:17:14I was with a friend who worked there,
1:17:16and I went to Capuccino and was having
1:17:18a glass of wine by myself, and at the
1:17:19next table there were five guys, and
1:17:21naturally, they were talking about
1:17:23soccer: who had been signed, who, this
1:17:24and that. And suddenly one said," Well,
1:17:26man, how are you doing? "And the other
1:17:28said," Well, I don’t know, we had
1:17:30been together 7 years. "I thought," Oh,
1:17:31a breakup, you know? "But I had no
1:17:33other choice because I was sitting
1:17:34right next to them, quiet, by myself. I
1:17:35was alone,
1:17:36my professional side and being alone, I
1:17:37had no choice but to listen to it. And
1:17:39I said," Oh, they've changed the
1:17:40subject, thank goodness. "And then they
1:17:42talked about the matter. Borja, 2
1:17:45minutes, maybe three at most. Then one
1:17:47said," Come on, man, don't overthink it
1:17:49. "
1:17:50What it shows is that, what it shows is
1:17:52that we have very few tools. They
1:17:53changed it and changed it, and I said,"
1:17:55Poor guy. "Well, at that moment,
1:17:57honestly, I thought," Wow, hats off, "
1:17:59because for us, if a friend breaks up,
1:18:01that breakup monopolizes the
1:18:03conversation for seven dinners—like,
1:18:05seven whole dinners—" Oh, do you
1:18:07think? "" he gave her this, he did that
1:18:09, "and I saw him this other way, and,
1:18:11well, it’s like it’s either too
1:18:12much or not enough, right? But it is
1:18:14true that there’s a lack of emotional
1:18:17support among you guys, exercising that
1:18:19ability to, to be able to vent, because
1:18:22I really notice it a lot. Yeah, for
1:18:25most people—for most men—that’s
1:18:27the reason they hire me, that’s
1:18:29exactly why they come to me.
1:18:31And they have a really hard time. Right
1:18:34, exactly.
1:18:35And I can tell when they talk that
1:18:37their gaze changes, they feel relief,
1:18:39and then
1:18:40they feel better in that moment
1:18:41and then they tell me later," Oh, this
1:18:43was so helpful, thank goodness I can
1:18:45tell you, "and I think, wow, we women
1:18:47don't really talk about this among
1:18:49ourselves, we operate in such a
1:18:51different way. This needs to be changed
1:18:54.
1:18:54Totally.
1:18:55It’s changing little by little, but
1:18:56yes, there’s still a lot of work to
1:18:57do. On average, how long does it take
1:18:59to get over a breakup? It depends. Some
1:19:02people—it’s just very, very
1:19:03relative, very relative. It depends on
1:19:05the depth of the relationship, it
1:19:07depends on the style—on the
1:19:09person’s style too, on how the person
1:19:11functions. You have to break your
1:19:13body's habit of the emotions that
1:19:15person produced in you, and then break
1:19:17the habit in your mind. Your brain will
1:19:19show you idyllic images of the
1:19:20relationship to make you go back, and
1:19:22that becomes an internal struggle. Why?
1:19:24Well, because even if the relationship
1:19:26was absolute garbage, since the brain
1:19:27likes what’s familiar and wants you
1:19:29to go back to that relationship, it
1:19:30will send you those idyllic images.
1:19:32So, you have to be alert, you have to
1:19:34know that’s going to happen, and you
1:19:36have to be strong about it. It depends
1:19:38a lot. There are people who can get
1:19:40over it in a month, people who take six
1:19:42months, but that saying" the hair of
1:19:43the dog "or" getting over someone by
1:19:45getting under someone else "is a lie.
1:19:46Someone who tries to replace a person
1:19:48that way is just living in someone
1:19:49else's space; it’s not really their
1:19:51own. They’re living in a borrowed
1:19:52space, they aren’t moving on at all.
1:19:54I mean,
1:19:55that just doesn't work, it doesn't work
1:19:57like that." No contact "is very trendy
1:19:58right now, isn't it? A year ago, I had
1:20:01never heard that term, but now it’s
1:20:03suddenly everywhere. Is" no contact "
1:20:06the solution, or can you get over a
1:20:08breakup in a more or less healthy way
1:20:10without having to go" no contact "? I
1:20:12think" no contact "is the healthiest
1:20:14way.
1:20:15Personally, I think that’s the
1:20:17healthiest approach, because otherwise
1:20:19you’re constantly in an emotional
1:20:21limbo, caught between two tides, and
1:20:23you don’t give your body the space to
1:20:25detox from that body chemistry that
1:20:27person produces in you; you don’t
1:20:29give your mind the space to go through
1:20:31that detoxification. So, then, after a
1:20:34certain
1:20:34time
1:20:35Yes, of course. I mean, I'm friends
1:20:38with my ex, I have no problem, except
1:20:39for maybe one. What do you mean? It's
1:20:41possible, but there are some with whom
1:20:43it's impossible, where you say, no, why
1:20:45even bother if they aren't a good
1:20:46person?
1:20:47Was that the next question, exactly? Uh
1:20:49, can you maintain a good relationship
1:20:51with your ex and even become friends,
1:20:52was the next question.
1:20:54Yes, totally. There are exes with whom
1:20:56I'm friends, who tell me about their
1:20:58breakups, who tell me their...Sure.
1:21:00That's nice in a way. Of course, it's
1:21:02very nice because look, this happened
1:21:05to me and, well, I spoke with one not
1:21:07long ago and he told me his last three
1:21:10partners had been unfaithful. He said,"
1:21:13What do you think is going on? "I mean,
1:21:15yes, you can be friends with your ex,
1:21:18of course you can, but I think" no
1:21:20contact "is necessary at first until
1:21:22the intensity of the emotions drops,
1:21:25so those bond-related emotions
1:21:27dissipate, and then if they are a good
1:21:28person, why not? It's wonderful. In
1:21:31fact, when I started, before I began
1:21:34sharing content, there was a moment
1:21:36where I wanted to reinvent myself
1:21:38professionally, so I made a list of
1:21:41things with several columns. One is,
1:21:44what do I like to do? Another, what do
1:21:47people around me think I'm good at
1:21:49doing?
1:21:50And what makes money or is monetizable?
1:21:52So I asked those around me, including
1:21:55an ex," Hey, what do you think I'm good
1:21:57at doing? "I asked my children, my
1:22:00siblings, that is, my circle, the
1:22:01people who really know me, and they
1:22:03gave me their opinion and they all
1:22:05agreed on one thing: speaking in public
1:22:08. And so I said, well, they all agree
1:22:10on this. I said, I'm going to look for
1:22:12something, you can make money, meaning,
1:22:13I'm going to look for something. So, if
1:22:14I lean on, for example, uh, talking
1:22:17about exes in that regard,
1:22:18well, it's quite mature and quite nice,
1:22:21right? that you can get to that point.
1:22:23But I do understand that there is an
1:22:25acute emergency phase where if you are
1:22:27continuously scratching that healing
1:22:29scab,
1:22:30uh, it takes longer for things to heal.
1:22:32Perfect, that metaphor is perfect. You
1:22:35keep picking at the scab, leave the
1:22:37scab alone, let it heal, let the tissue
1:22:39close up and then from there, if
1:22:40they're a good person,
1:22:42why not?
1:22:43And in the first few, in that emergency
1:22:45phase, let's say, the first two months,
1:22:46the hardest ones, uh, what do you
1:22:48recommend in general for a breakup? I
1:22:49mean, what can we do in terms of
1:22:52self-care? What do you recommend
1:22:54besides no contact? Apart from no
1:22:55contact, I recommend that you make a
1:22:57list, that you sit down and make a list
1:22:58of all the things that made it not work
1:23:00.
1:23:01Make it
1:23:01that it doesn't work.
1:23:02This doesn't work
1:23:03not the things that worked, no, not the
1:23:04nice stuff, no, leave that. The nice
1:23:07stuff, leave it alone. The things that
1:23:09didn't work, what caused that breakup
1:23:12to be triggered, whether it was gradual
1:23:14or something sudden, like a sudden
1:23:16disappointment, for example, right? A
1:23:19person who has betrayed you. So, write
1:23:21it in capital letters, record voice
1:23:22notes, put it everywhere, so you don't
1:23:23forget, because your brain is going to
1:23:25send you idyllic images. Oh, that day
1:23:27we watched the sunset, the brain is
1:23:28going to play that dirty trick on you.
1:23:29So, no, no, keep the list in mind. What
1:23:32is it that makes you feel bad about
1:23:35that person or what made that
1:23:37relationship not work? And keep it in
1:23:39mind and forgive yourself when you
1:23:41falter and understand that you are
1:23:43going to be tempted many times to talk
1:23:46to that person, to answer that person,
1:23:48and that's where you'll have to set
1:23:50boundaries for yourself. You have to
1:23:53hold onto that internal struggle firmly
1:23:54and be aware that you are going through
1:23:56a detoxification period from that
1:23:58relationship. It's, it's hard,
1:24:00it's hard, it's hard, it's hard. And
1:24:02even more so when you love that person,
1:24:04when...because if you don't love them,
1:24:06it's quite easy. But when you are in
1:24:08love with someone and you decide to
1:24:10leave out of self-respect, saying:" No,
1:24:12I am not staying here because I know
1:24:15I'm going to suffer and I don't want a
1:24:17toxic relationship; I'm leaving. "So,
1:24:19you can leave while loving someone very
1:24:21much, you can leave that relationship
1:24:22while loving someone a lot, it's very
1:24:24difficult, but it's very mature. In
1:24:26that case, it is very mature. And
1:24:27there's always talk, Vego, of the
1:24:29grieving process for getting over a
1:24:32breakup, but other peripheral losses
1:24:34are generated that are spoken of less,
1:24:37for example, other elements tied to
1:24:39your partner—uh, father-in-law,
1:24:41mother-in-law, brother-in-law, uh, pets
1:24:44, uh, mutual friends, shared places.
1:24:46What happens with all those losses?
1:24:48It's just that it gets complicated
1:24:49because you don't just miss the person,
1:24:51you miss the environment, you miss—
1:24:53it's as if you were leaving a life
1:24:54behind and starting a different one. So
1:24:56, that's why many people suffer through
1:24:58it so much, especially people who are
1:25:00more resistant to change, people for
1:25:02whom change brings more panic. There
1:25:04are those of us for whom change gives
1:25:06us life, and those for whom changes,
1:25:09well, paralyze them or they just don't
1:25:11like them. So, of course, having to, uh
1:25:14, give up not just the relationship,
1:25:16but the environment. So, the mutual
1:25:19friends, well, and the stuff with dogs
1:25:20is just brutal. I mean, in my
1:25:22neighborhood, I say I have a dog and
1:25:23that I socialize a lot because my dog
1:25:25is very friendly and says hi to
1:25:26everyone, there are those with shared
1:25:28custody. But I know three; I mean,
1:25:30sometimes you see them with one, with
1:25:31the other, or sometimes, uh, for a
1:25:33month you don't see them and it's
1:25:35because they have shared custody of the
1:25:37puppies. Yes, what was once something
1:25:39specific to children has spread to pets
1:25:42, pets,
1:25:43uh, because it's normal. Wow, I
1:25:44understand it perfectly. Family. Of
1:25:45course, yes. A breakup is a vital
1:25:48moment, uh, I think the only one in
1:25:50which your present collapses, your
1:25:52future collapses too, or what you
1:25:54believed your future was going to be,
1:25:56and you also do a sort of
1:25:57re-interpretive analysis of your past,
1:26:00right? Meaning, you ask yourself what
1:26:03you did right, what you did wrong, you
1:26:05start overthinking your past with that
1:26:07person, right? So, it's a moment of
1:26:09great crisis, but crisis on so many,
1:26:11many fronts,
1:26:12on many. Yes,
1:26:13maybe that's why they make you grow so
1:26:15much, right? Breakups, because you
1:26:17rebuild yourself. It's just that you
1:26:19rebuild yourself,
1:26:19you rebuild yourself. You said the
1:26:21exact word, you rebuild yourself, you
1:26:23have to reconstruct yourself again.
1:26:26And in the end, Borja, the most
1:26:28interesting people are the ones who
1:26:30have had a dark night or two.
1:26:33Totally.
1:26:33And a breakup is a dark night.
1:26:36Totally, totally.
1:26:37Yes. Well, we're finishing up, but I
1:26:39want you to tell us a bit about your
1:26:41BMR method, right? What it is and how
1:26:43it’s done, how do you do it?
1:26:45Well, BMR is a system I’ve created
1:26:48for mental reprogramming, and I use
1:26:51techniques like morning meditation. I
1:26:55send them an audio that teaches them
1:26:57how to meditate because the vast
1:26:59majority of people don’t know how,
1:27:01and when someone is very hyperactive,
1:27:03getting them to meditate is very
1:27:05difficult, extremely complicated. But
1:27:09if you play with the silences and the
1:27:11words, you force the brain to meditate
1:27:13in those gaps, you get them into it
1:27:16without them even realizing it. So,
1:27:18there are several meditations that
1:27:20gradually space out the silences more
1:27:22and more until the person learns to
1:27:24quiet the noise, right? And they learn
1:27:27to meditate, which is something
1:27:28everyone wants to learn nowadays.
1:27:30Twenty years ago, it was for" crunchy "
1:27:32types, but not anymore. Now they've
1:27:34realized that neurogenesis occurs in
1:27:35the orbitofrontal cortex, that the
1:27:37hippocampus also produces neurogenesis,
1:27:39and that the amygdala relaxes and slows
1:27:41down considerably. So, these days,
1:27:43people want to learn to meditate. And
1:27:45so, I teach that, right? That's the
1:27:46first thing. Then there are a series of
1:27:48tools like gratitude, for example,
1:27:50which has also been discovered to
1:27:51produce neurogenesis. It’s amazing to
1:27:54start with gratitude, to be grateful.
1:27:56Yes,
1:27:57it has been discovered. Everything now,
1:27:59with technology and functional magnetic
1:28:01resonance imaging techniques, lets us
1:28:03see how the brain works, what lights up
1:28:04and what turns off when you do one
1:28:06thing or another. And then, most
1:28:09importantly, and what carries the most
1:28:10weight within the mental reprogramming
1:28:12of my system, specifically BMR, are the
1:28:14nighttime audios. It’s amazing. I
1:28:17have a community there with, I don't
1:28:19know, 1,600 people on WhatsApp, uh,
1:28:22and I post one for them from time to
1:28:24time, and they give me feedback, saying
1:28:26," I used to take sleeping pills, and
1:28:27now I’m sleeping soundly and never
1:28:29finish listening to the audio. "I say,"
1:28:32That's perfect, because that’s when
1:28:34it enters. "I mean, if you don’t
1:28:35finish listening to it consciously,
1:28:37your subconscious is still hearing it
1:28:39and internalizing it. Plus, you’re
1:28:41putting in the message you want, and
1:28:42there are different messages depending
1:28:44on what the person needs. It's a kind
1:28:46of hypnagogic state where you're
1:28:47reprogramming night after night after
1:28:49night, and eventually, the person
1:28:50starts to modify those beliefs.
1:28:52That's what I was going to say, they're
1:28:53generic messages, but then there are
1:28:55like subcategories.
1:28:55Yes, yes, there are subcategories. In
1:28:57fact, the BMR has five subcategories;
1:28:59there's one for procrastination,
1:29:01another for, uh, improving
1:29:02relationships with yourself, with your
1:29:05partner, achieving your best version
1:29:07physically, mentally, and...I mean,
1:29:09there are several. Yes, there are
1:29:11several subcategories, and I tell
1:29:13people that once they learn how to
1:29:15modify one, they can then modify all
1:29:17the rest. So, what I do there is I give
1:29:20them all the subcategories in the
1:29:21course; in the BMR, all the
1:29:22subcategories are there, and I tell
1:29:24them," Choose one, uh, don't go mixing
1:29:26them up. "That is very important
1:29:28because if not, the brain—I insist—
1:29:30finish with one and
1:29:31exactly, finish with one and start with
1:29:33another because it's like building a
1:29:34new highway. So, of course, you have to
1:29:37pave it, you have to travel, you have
1:29:38to drive on it for a while so that your
1:29:40brain takes you that way, not the old
1:29:42way. So, if one night you listen to one
1:29:44audio and the next you listen to
1:29:45something else, another audio, well, it
1:29:47will be good for you because you will
1:29:48rest better, that's for sure, because
1:29:49it really slows you down a lot. Just
1:29:51hearing the voice, the frequency of the
1:29:53music, the tone of my voice...I change
1:29:56the tone of my voice and, what's more,
1:29:58the human voice—it's very curious,
1:30:00it's a conclusion I reached just
1:30:02recently—the female voice is also
1:30:04like your mother's voice, it's like a
1:30:07voice that accompanies you in sleep,
1:30:09it's like a voice that cradles you,
1:30:11that carries you; and that, that is the
1:30:13particularity that the audios I make
1:30:15have, which I also make with my heart.
1:30:18Right,
1:30:18I mean, I put everything into it.
1:30:19Yes, plus you listen to them yourself
1:30:21too, so in the end
1:30:22Yes, yes, I make them. I started making
1:30:25them for myself and I said:" Wow, this
1:30:27is... "Because everything, everything I
1:30:29make available to the people who work
1:30:31with me is something I’ve already
1:30:33used myself, from the inner child
1:30:35healing technique to, uh, energy
1:30:36clearing systems, like for example an
1:30:38audio where I do a guided visualization
1:30:40to a basement that symbolizes, uh, that
1:30:42inner space of yours where you arrive
1:30:44and suddenly everything is chaotic,
1:30:46full of boxes of guilt, fear, and...so
1:30:48we do the work of cleaning all of that
1:30:50up. I’ve done all of that with myself
1:30:53. I mean, I never, ever put anything in
1:30:55the BMR that I haven’t done with
1:30:57myself. Yeah.
1:30:58That’s great, that’s great. Well,
1:30:59anyway,
1:30:59we’ve reached the end of the
1:31:01interview. We’ve learned, yes, I
1:31:02don’t know how much time has passed,
1:31:04but well, it’s gone by so fast.
1:31:06That’s a good sign. Thank you for
1:31:07everything you’ve taught us. It’s
1:31:09been fascinating and you are more than
1:31:11invited to come back whenever you want,
1:31:13you already know that.
1:31:14Thank you very much, Borja. And well, I
1:31:15also want to personally thank the
1:31:17audience because we are approaching 100
1:31:19recorded episodes and it has been an
1:31:21incredible journey where we have
1:31:23learned so much. I hope you have too.
1:31:25And that’s all, as always, if you
1:31:27found this useful, please share it with
1:31:29friends and family. See you in the next
1:31:31episode.

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