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Aneurism IV: Burn Bodies, Steal Laundry, Become Proletariat — Transcript

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0:00Aneurysm 4, a game, a lifestyle, a
0:03cannibalism simulator. In this highly
0:05anticipated sequel to Crash Bandicoot,
0:07you play as one of many citizens living
0:09in the dystopian police state known as
0:11Aneurism 4. This city has a colorful
0:14approach to politics with strong
0:15similarities to late war Nazi Germany,
0:18as well as both Soviet and Chinese
0:20Communism, all wrapped up in an
0:22Orwellian hellscape where
0:23governmentissue rations are highly
0:25medicated and hair is illegal. To answer
0:28your question, it is as great as it
0:30sounds because the entire thing is a
0:3260player online free-for-all with a very
0:34liberal interpretation of the social
0:36contract. In case you're wondering what
0:38your average day might look like, I'll
0:40walk you through it. The game begins,
0:42and I have terrible news. You're alive.
0:44You spawned in as a member of the
0:46proletariat, and fittingly, your name is
0:48likely some variation of greasy laborer
0:51or unskilled wagy. You are a cog in the
0:53machine. So, get to work. Head to the
0:56government-owned laundromat for menial
0:57labor. The washing machines are full of
1:00dead bodies, all of them. Decide to find
1:02a new job. Walking down the street, you
1:04witness a police officer gun a man down
1:06in broad daylight before producing a
1:08pickaxe and mining his body for organic
1:11matter. The officer stares into your
1:12eyes and says calmly and almost
1:15mechanically, "Welcome to aneurysm
1:16floor." Before he has a chance to
1:18excavate your skeleton, the sound of air
1:20raid sirens envelop the city. It's time
1:22to go to war. You head to the munitions
1:24factory to do your part in the war
1:26effort, building somewhere between 20 to
1:2830 warheads while getting bombarded by
1:30enemy air strikes. An artillery shell
1:32tears through the ceiling and you
1:34witness 11 people get ripped apart in
1:36the blast. The carnage is incalculable.
1:39Even worse, all of the survivors pulled
1:41out knives and started stripping the
1:42bodies for their meat. Dear God, what
1:45have I witnessed? You promptly go insane
1:47and spend the next 20 minutes
1:49hallucinating. Eventually, it all
1:50becomes too much for you to bear. So,
1:52you jump head first into an industrial
1:54incinerator and die. Life in Aneurysm 4
1:57is just that simple. In the face of this
1:59nightmarish reality, you could be
2:01forgiven for assuming Anneurism 4 to be
2:03a work of fiction, but it's actually
2:05based on the lived experience of the
2:07French Canadian developers based out of
2:09Montreal. This game is a bit too
2:11unpredictable for one of my normal
2:13videos. So instead, I'm going to swirl
2:15it around in my mouth like a fine wine,
2:17carefully and meticulously reviewing
2:19every element of the gameplay while
2:20sharing some of my best and worst
2:22experiences. But before we can assess
2:24the practicality of taking methadone and
2:27eating people's organs, I have to tell
2:28you something. 4 and 1/2 years ago, I
2:31died in a tragic skydiving accident.
2:33Long story short, someone replaced my
2:35parachute with about 50 collectible
2:37Funko Pops, which resulted in what the
2:39medical examiner described as an
2:41uncontrolled
2:43disscent. This was an unfortunate
2:45outcome, but luckily I was prepared. I
2:47had left careful instructions that in
2:49the event of my death, I should be
2:51medically involved with Gamer Sub's
2:53energy supplements. After the coroner
2:55juiced me up with 5,500 cc's of
2:58inflationist flavored energy powder, I
3:00rose from the grave like a remnant of
3:02horniness. and I've been making videos
3:04ever since. Now listen, I'm not claiming
3:06that gamer subs will give you the power
3:07of self-resurrection, but it might.
3:10Point is, it's delicious and makes my
3:12brain go. So, go ahead and buy some.
3:15Jump out of a plane, lead a cult, blow
3:17up the moon. I don't care. Just remember
3:19to use code Reggie for 10% off. Now,
3:22back to the video. Anorism 4 is a
3:24complex ecosystem of sociopaths,
3:26opportunists, and victims of sociopaths
3:29and opportunists, which all roughly work
3:31together to create a quasi functioning
3:33society with bankers, vendors, doctors,
3:35street cleaners, and a police force. The
3:37power dynamic is as follows. The city
3:39streets are controlled by the
3:40government, which is the ultraviolent
3:42and authoritarian cortex. As a citizen,
3:45you are compelled to contribute to the
3:46cortex through manual labor. Because if
3:49you don't, this guy's going to shoot you
3:50in the head. It's not perfect, but I'd
3:53be lying if I said it wasn't kind of
3:54charming. The only other faction in the
3:56game is the Scum. The Scum is an
3:58anti-establishment cult that operates
4:00out of a complex sewer system beneath a
4:02city. Its class structure is
4:03comparatively simple. You are either a
4:06scum bag or a religious zealot. But
4:08really, those are both just fancy words
4:10for domestic terrorist. The Scum and
4:12Cortex v for control of the city in a
4:15perpetual struggle between order and
4:16chaos. The Cortex strives to find new
4:19and exciting ways to deprive us of human
4:21rights, while the scum attempts to
4:22destroy the city by deploying biological
4:24weapons and sabotaging public
4:26infrastructure. It is a rare and brave
4:28decision to make the only two factions
4:30in your game this irredeemable, and I
4:32respect it immensely. The only thing
4:34about this game that I don't respect
4:36immensely is the net code. If your
4:38server has more than 35 people in it,
4:40things start to get very strange and a
4:42little frightening. And if you go all
4:43the way up to 60 players, the molecules
4:45in your body may as well be quantum
4:47entangled with a dumpster on the other
4:49side of the map because you will be
4:50teleporting there. That being said, I
4:52recommend 20 to 30 players as the sweet
4:54spot. But I digress. Your experience in
4:57aneurysm 4 is informed greatly by your
4:59class, which can be selected using your
5:01accumulated social credit to inhabit
5:03different bodies. But we all start off
5:05as pearls, so we'll begin there. The
5:07pole is a filthy and uneducated creature
5:09of socialism with one purpose and one
5:11purpose alone, hard labor. You must work
5:14in the factories. You must supply the
5:16cortex with goods and you must remain
5:18discreet and productive. You must do
5:20these things because as a pro, you are
5:22the ultimate victim of circumstance. You
5:25have no recourse because you have no
5:26thing. I'll give you an example. My
5:28first day as a pro involved me getting
5:30lost on my way to the laundromat and
5:32accidentally wandering down some
5:34tunnels. The further I descended, the
5:35darker it became, and before long, I had
5:37lost track of the exit. I struggled in
5:39the darkness for about 10 minutes before
5:41resigning myself to starvation until I
5:44saw it in the distance. A man was
5:45approaching me with a flashlight. I
5:47begged him to guide me out of the
5:48tunnels. He stared at me in complete
5:50silence before dropping to his knees and
5:53sucking me off. This went on for about
5:5530 seconds until he got up and led me to
5:57the exit. In this interaction, I was
5:59completely powerless. All I could do was
6:01moan gay and wait for it to be over. I
6:03tell you this to highlight the
6:05importance of my next tip. The first
6:06thing you want to do as a pro is go to
6:08the metal works and get an iron pipe.
6:10Your chance of being filated by another
6:12man in an underground tunnel is never
6:14zero. But with this, it's pretty close.
6:16Now, listen, I'm going to be blunt.
6:18Every day that you exist, you accumulate
6:19a government debt for being alive. And
6:22before you ask, no, this isn't some kind
6:24of income tax. I don't have an income.
6:26All I've done so far is take
6:27amphetamines and beat people to death at
6:29the metal works. Point is, we need to
6:31get a job before this debt piles up.
6:33Fortunately, there's a few options. You
6:34could work at the laundromat washing and
6:36drying clothes. The iron pipe you got
6:39earlier is going to come in handy
6:40because laundry thieves are a pervasive
6:42problem, and knocking their brains out
6:44with a pipe is the only solution. All in
6:46all, laundry is pretty simple. Just
6:48remember, never stop the
6:50dry. Successfully folded clothes will
6:53award you financial compensation and
6:55social credit that can be used to change
6:56classes. Finally, as a society, we can
6:59quantify the value of human life in
7:01terms of units of folded laundry.
7:03Personally, I'm convinced that this
7:05entire place is a scop to increase the
7:07sales of insanity medication because the
7:09amount of social credit you receive for
7:10working here appears to be completely
7:12RNG. And something like that takes my
7:15mind to a very dark place. I had to kill
7:17a man and get cavity searched by the
7:19police nine times just to finish my wash
7:22cycle. And you're telling me I'm not
7:24doing my part? I quit. Other jobs
7:26include the iron works, where you mine,
7:28smelt, and process ore into various
7:30industrial components for the cortex.
7:32But don't stop there. Get some friends
7:34and stage a hostile takeover of the
7:36mines. You're done. You're done. Kill
7:38anyone that doesn't pay tribute to the
7:40coal syndicate. Oh, you're actually like
7:42a Oh, you think you can escape? No.
7:44We've got someone waiting for you at the
7:45exit. And chasing you around made us
7:47pretty hungry. So now we're going to
7:48have to cannibalize you. Maybe killing
7:50people in a strip mine isn't your vibe.
7:52There's always the ration factory.
7:54Modern society uses a series of
7:56contrivances to weed out the
7:58intellectually stunted. Aneurysm 4 uses
8:00the ration factory where you solve math
8:03problems at work terminals and get
8:04painfully electrocuted for every wrong
8:06answer. There are several other jobs
8:08available as a pole and many of them can
8:10result in your immediate death. But I'll
8:12let you figure that out on your
8:14own. After all that, you've probably
8:17worked up quite an appetite. So allow me
8:19to introduce you to the ration cycle.
8:21This is a 15-minute citywide event where
8:23the government hands out free food. If
8:25you thought the laundromat was crazy,
8:27just wait until you see the entire
8:28server pile into the cafeteria on ration
8:30day. In the chaos, it is not uncommon to
8:33see people burned alive for cutting the
8:35line. Because in this world, the
8:37greatest crime you can commit is
8:38stealing another man's slop. There is no
8:40knife sharp enough, no pit deep enough,
8:43and no incinerator hot enough to
8:45properly punish the ration thieves. But
8:47we're doing our best. The rations will
8:49take care of your hunger, but for
8:50thirst, I recommend the public
8:52fountains. There is a 50% chance you
8:54contract intestinal worms. And I know
8:56that sounds like a bad thing, but once
8:58you have the worms, that just means you
8:59don't have to worry about getting them
9:01anymore. So, drink as much as you want.
9:03The final stat to take care of is your
9:05insanity. I know watching the police gun
9:07down those ration thieves was quite fun,
9:09but it also gave you schizophrenia. For
9:11this, the treatment is quite simple. Go
9:13to the club and let the duet tones of
9:15Slavic folk music gradually restore your
9:18sanity. Going to a completely empty club
9:20isn't something I'd normally recommend
9:22to an insane man dying of stomach worms,
9:25but it works. That concludes your
9:27survival routine. But what does it feel
9:29like to be a pole living in aneurysm 4?
9:31Hypothesis: Aneurysm 4 isn't perfect,
9:34but it is rich in culture. Counterpoint.
9:36Get me out of this god-forsaken hell
9:38hole. I spend every night rumaging
9:40through dumpsters in hopes that I can
9:41find enough bottles of glue to end my
9:44life. And every day I wake up back at
9:46the laundromat. As a pro, your value to
9:48society comes from your capacity to
9:50endure hardship for the greater good of
9:52the state. I'll give you an example.
9:53Every so often, a random wartime event
9:56starts where the entire server is
9:57compelled to make bombs for the cortex.
9:59When this happens, your already
10:01worthless life somehow becomes even more
10:03expendable. I once witnessed a man lit
10:05on fire for not meeting productivity
10:07quotas. And rather than extinguishing
10:09him, the doctors just prescribed him
10:11methadone so he could work through the
10:13pain. You might think that after his
10:14charred corpse was dragged away for
10:16cannibalization, he could finally rest.
10:19But you'd be wrong. Because it's not
10:20uncommon for the police to prop up our
10:22corpses against the workbench in hopes
10:24that they may yet be able to extract
10:26some waning vestigages of labor from our
10:28cold, dead bodies. Even in death, we
10:31toil. These are the conditions that
10:33radicalize a man. So when I tell you
10:35that despite making up only 20% of the
10:38server, pearls are responsible for 90%
10:40of the crime, you will respond only 90%.
10:43As a pearl, you are paradoxically the
10:45most dangerous and least dangerous class
10:48for the exact same reason. You have
10:50nothing, and we need to use that to our
10:51advantage. I once witnessed a cop gun
10:54down a pole in the streets. In response,
10:56about a dozen of us formed a posy and
10:58chased him across town until he ran out
11:00of breath and had to start mowing us
11:01down. We knew that we could never kill
11:03him, but we could absolutely destroy his
11:06social credit. And that's even better.
11:08Despite that example, I will admit that
11:10mass rdming is actually fairly uncommon.
11:12I could tell you it's because of a
11:14public veneration of the social
11:16contract, a profound sense of community
11:18and respect. But that would be a lie.
11:20The only thing stopping that cop from
11:22blowing a hole in your chest is this.
11:24The slave is what becomes of you if your
11:26social credit drops too low. They take
11:28your goddamn feet. Then they drill a
11:30cheese grater to your face and force you
11:31to push boulders into a giant furnace to
11:33repay your debt to society. Kill the guy
11:36without provocation. Yeah, that's going
11:37to be five boulders. Destroyed the
11:39entire server with a rot bomb. Find a
11:41new server. Finally repaid your debt.
11:43Very nice. Now there's only one more
11:45thing to go in the furnace. Kill me. I'm
11:49just going to say it. This is peak game
11:52design. There are reports of slaves
11:54escaping captivity and roaming the
11:56streets, but they never get very far. In
11:58conclusion, please stop killing me. I'm
12:00trying to do laundry. Now, let's move on
12:02to the next class, the doctor. The
12:04doctor is the cheapest class to access
12:06and the easiest in the game. Your
12:08primary role is to heal people by giving
12:10them transfusions of your blood, which
12:12damages you in the process. Luckily,
12:14you're the only class that actually
12:15regenerates health, and you do it very
12:18effectively. Given this, your economic
12:20success in aneurysm 4 depends entirely
12:22on your willingness to play a zero
12:24nourishment, zero thirst, zero sanity
12:27doctor build. Because your regeneration
12:29makes it practically impossible to die.
12:31But if you're in more of a rush, I
12:33recommend committing healthc care fraud.
12:34If you assemble three doctors and beat
12:36one of them half to death, you can
12:38initiate a 2 or 3 minute long blood
12:40swapping program, which should earn you
12:42plenty of money and social credit.
12:44aneurysm tells us that the doctor is the
12:46one who does no harm, but that's
12:48debatable since I just paid this man 20
12:50credits to go around stabbing people to
12:52stimulate my healthc care business. So,
12:55you get toothpaste.
12:57On the topic of business, I'll give you
12:59a heads up. These people, and this might
13:01surprise you, don't believe in paying
13:03for health care. In fact, I've witnessed
13:05doctors beaten in the streets for even
13:07suggesting a 15% gratuitity. I've tried
13:10to establish a private health care
13:12system, but the only compensation I ever
13:14received was from this enforcer who gave
13:17me half a dozen live rats. I think I'm
13:19going to cry. Handfuls of live rats
13:21actually brings us to your other duty as
13:23a doctor. Producing medicine. Down at
13:25the pharmacy, you can use such exciting
13:28and sanitary ingredients as dumpster
13:30rat, odd glue, and stale kilbasa to
13:33produce a variety of medicines for the
13:35public. This is an approximate science
13:37in the sense that I am approximately
13:39responsible when my attempts to
13:41synthesize sodium metal result in the
13:43death of my co-workers. As a doctor, I
13:45don't usually kill people by accident. I
13:48usually do it on purpose. For example, I
13:50found out the vending machines sell a
13:51product called sew soda, which is
13:53literally just carbonated cyanide. So,
13:56obviously, I bought several of these and
13:57started leaving them at the laundromats.
13:59Almost invariably, a pearl would wander
14:02in, say something to the effect of, "I
14:04wonder what this could do if I drink
14:05it," and then die on the spot. I don't
14:08feel bad about this because I'm
14:10harvesting their meat and turning it
14:11into medicine at the pharmacy. The only
14:13reason this server has anti-csychotic
14:15medication is because I'm willing to
14:17murder pearls and process them through a
14:19meat grinder. You can thank me later.
14:21All in all, being a doctor is very fun,
14:24except when you're a doctor at the
14:25wartime factory. When a bomb
14:27malfunctions and mortally wounds 35
14:29pearls, you will fear for your life. I
14:32have personally witnessed several
14:33doctors drop dead after transfusing a
14:36pearl with the final drop of blood in
14:38their body. And if you refuse to do
14:40this, you'll probably just get shanked
14:41with a screwdriver and die anyway. If
14:44you survive a shift in the factory,
14:45you'll live with the mental scars for
14:47the rest of your life. I can still hear
14:49them screaming my name. Doc, please
14:51help. Enforcer Bussy got me acting up.
14:54Think I'm but a bust. were the last
14:56words of dozens of prolls as I
14:58helplessly watch them bleed out at my
15:00feet. In conclusion, the doctor is a
15:02good class for bad players. Onto the
15:04next occupation, the liquidator. This
15:06class does three things. It incinerates
15:08dead bodies, incinerates live bodies,
15:11and maintains the public infrastructure.
15:13Unironically, this might be the most
15:15important job in the game. And I'll use
15:17an example to explain why. Imagine
15:19you're a moderator in my Discord server.
15:21With each passing day, the messages get
15:23more deranged than the last. It's your
15:25job to delete anything that breaks to.
15:28And if you fail to keep degeneracy
15:30levels below a predetermined amount,
15:32then Discord staff will send a KGB agent
15:35to strangle me to death in my sleep.
15:38That's pretty much what the Liquidator
15:39does, except instead of deleting furry
15:41inflationist OC's, they dispose of dead
15:44bodies to keep the city from physically
15:46rotting. And instead of me getting
15:48espixiated by an Eastern European man,
15:50they're trying to avoid the end of the
15:52world. Because if the Roth level reaches
15:54100%, it's all over. Fresh wipe. Let's
15:57go to customs. So disposing of rotting
15:59bodies in the industrial incinerator is
16:01absolutely paramount. The primary threat
16:04to the liquidator is being pushed into
16:06the industrial incinerator by a random
16:08pole. This happens all the time and is
16:10usually foreshadowed by something along
16:12the lines of, "Excuse me, there's like a
16:14thing stuck in the furnace." If you hear
16:15someone say this to you, consider it a
16:17direct threat and violation of the
16:19non-aggression pact, at which point I
16:22recommend killing them while the police
16:23watch on in approval. These cretins tend
16:25to work in pairs, so be prepared to also
16:28incinerate his friend after he attacks
16:30you with a pipe. Noteworthy events for
16:32the liquidator include every event
16:34because they all result in massive
16:36casualties. Wartime factory, yeah, we
16:38just pile the skeletons out front.
16:40Ration cycle, more like recycle as I
16:43throw you into a furnace. Probably the
16:45best event is the purge. Every so often,
16:47the scum living underground will perform
16:49this ritual, which turns the city red
16:51and legalizes all crime for about 15
16:53minutes. Cops can gun down as many
16:55people as they need to to get an
16:57erection. Prols can steal as much as
16:59they want, and you should probably hide.
17:01The premise of this event is that the
17:03scum are basically testing the strength
17:04of our social fabric. Now, listen, I've
17:07labored in the factories. I understand
17:09the camaraderie and unity that is forged
17:12through hard work. I want to believe
17:14that our citizens can be trusted to
17:16navigate this event peacefully, but
17:17that's just not realistic. In fact, I
17:19just witnessed a police officer gunning
17:21down an entire dumpster full of people.
17:23Cortex apologists will call this an
17:25isolated incident, but I assure you it
17:28is not. Please let me work. I can work.
17:30Please, I can work. Maybe, just maybe,
17:32we as a society aren't yet ready for
17:35free will. That being said, this is a
17:37very profitable event for the
17:39liquidator. So, get to work, Janie.
17:41Speaking of profit, that brings us to
17:42the next class, the banker. In the
17:45aneurysm 4 ven diagram, the banker
17:47exists in this region. Your role is to
17:49conduct business transactions and try
17:51not to get killed in the process. Call
17:53the banker. Kill the banker. Take your
17:55money. For example, I go on the darknet
17:57and order 15 illegal hot dogs, which I
18:00then sell to the police force for double
18:01the price. Everything you order is
18:03stashed somewhere around the city
18:05waiting to be picked up. And let me tell
18:07you, there is no greater stress than
18:09trying to make sure you're not being
18:10followed as you head to retrieve 60
18:12kilograms of delicious gobba ghoul that
18:15was hidden under the docks. Also, the
18:17banker is the only class in the game
18:18which has a built-in voice modulator
18:20that makes you sound like a young Jewish
18:22boy. I literally can't go any lower than
18:2430 credit. What did the developers mean
18:26by this? Apart from supplying people
18:28with food and materials, the banker is
18:30also responsible for handling credit
18:32transfers. Simply put, everyone in
18:34Aneurysm 4 has social credit. This is
18:36not lost between deaths. However, they
18:38also have financial credits. These are
18:40lost between deaths unless you deposit
18:43them with a banker because your bank
18:44account will carry over across lives.
18:47Doesn't matter which banker you use.
18:48It's all the same system. And as a
18:50banker, I get to decide what fees I want
18:52to charge for accepting your deposit or
18:54withdrawal. Long story short, you're a
18:56mobilized ATM and a very important part
18:58of your server progressing long-term.
19:00However, due to recent events, there's a
19:02lot of anti-corporate sentiment in the
19:04world, and bankers have a pretty bad
19:06reputation. When I get you, bro. When
19:08I'm scared, when I find you, buddy.
19:101863. I remember that. Pearls in
19:13specific seem to enjoy killing us for
19:15sport. I once witnessed a gang of pearls
19:17dedicate an entire afternoon to chasing
19:19a banker through the streets. And when
19:21they got him, it wasn't pretty. I'm not
19:23sure if it's the stronger bluecollar
19:25vibes or the fact that they're giving
19:26out free pipes. But personally, I always
19:28get the [ __ ] kicked out of me if I ever
19:30go near the metal works. If you want to
19:32minimize the amount of times a pickaxe
19:34sails through the back of your head, you
19:36could always reduce your banking fees.
19:38But then I'd have to kill you myself.
19:40You see, on my main server, I
19:41established a cabal of bankers who all
19:43agreed to price fix our rates at 5%. No
19:46higher, no lower. So, you could imagine
19:48my surprise when I heard rumors of a
19:50rogue banker offering 0% banking fees.
19:53After learning about this, I met with my
19:55associates and needless to say, that guy
19:57was never seen again. People think the
19:59banker is about making money, but it's
20:01not. It's about making good impressions
20:03and then making money. Because if people
20:05don't like you, your life expectancy
20:07will be shorter than a thirsty pole at a
20:09laundromat. The univilized pole fears
20:12the self-sufficient capitalist because
20:14we can become something which they
20:16cannot financially wealthy. This makes
20:18the banker the best class to own
20:19property with. In Anorism 4, there are
20:22several pieces of property that you can
20:23lease, ranging from apartments to
20:25storefronts and even a casino. You can
20:27fill most of these with items to sell to
20:29the public. And if you're in a good
20:30location, it's basically a license to
20:32print money. Speaking of printing money,
20:34I also literally print money. By
20:36gathering a variety of machine parts and
20:38suspicious meat, I was able to craft
20:40several capatrons. These are contraband
20:42items only available to the banker. And
20:44if you're caught with one, the police
20:46will not hesitate to put you down. So,
20:48you better have a good place to hide it.
20:50These satanic electronics require a
20:53constant supply of food. And if you keep
20:55them wellfed, they'll give you lots of
20:57money. At first, you can probably get
20:58away with feeding them dead pearls from
21:00the laundromat. But as their hunger
21:02grows, you'll quickly find yourself
21:03shoveling fistfuls of hot dogs into
21:06these demonic VCRs. I have a mental
21:08fixation on minmaxing business
21:10management miniames. And I might have
21:12gone too far with the banker because I
21:14spent an entire week grinding credits
21:16and purchasing people's leases out from
21:18under them. And now I own half the city.
21:21My first order of business was to corner
21:22the market on intestinal worm
21:24medication. You can get these pills from
21:26the pharmacy for about 9 credits, unless
21:29you're on my server. Because I bought
21:31the entire supply and relisted it at my
21:33stores with a 250% markup. In society's
21:36war against intestinal worms, I am on
21:39the side of the worms. Oh, that's
21:41expensive. Also, I got bored of selling
21:43people normal food. So, instead of
21:45feeding them goba ghoul, the entire
21:47server is now surviving on a healthy
21:49diet of my homemade cigarette soup and
21:51carcinogenic slop. You'd think they
21:53wouldn't buy this, but they do. And as a
21:56businessman, this feels spiritually
21:58enriching. Once you achieve serverwide
22:00monopoly, you'll have a lot of free time
22:02on your hands. So, go ahead and have
22:04some fun. Sometimes I like to leave the
22:06door open on one of my shops and wait
22:08for someone to sneak in before quickly
22:10closing and locking the door behind
22:11them. Then, I just wait for them to
22:13realize they can't get out. Sometimes
22:15I'll even push a dead body through the
22:17storefront to make them panic before
22:19closing the shutters. They stare at me
22:21through the gate and I stare back at
22:22them as they quietly realize how I got
22:25that body. In all honesty, I'm not
22:27actually sure where the body came from.
22:29Sometimes I do starve people to death in
22:30my shops, but other times disgruntled
22:33trolls just stuff rotting bodies through
22:35my storefront to protest my exorbitant
22:37prices. Jokes on them, though, because I
22:39just sell the corpses back to the
22:41liquidators for a profit. This type of
22:43highlevel capitalism requires a very
22:45strong alliance with the police force.
22:47So, I recommend treating them very well
22:49in return for their continued
22:51protection. Every time there's a police
22:53shooting at the ration factory, they
22:54drop off the bodies to me. And my
22:56capatrons eat well. Now that you've got
22:58an ungodly amount of money, you might
23:00want to invest it. And in aneurysm 4,
23:02the safest way to invest your money is
23:04through a man living on the other side
23:06of a ventilation grate. I don't know who
23:08it is, but I do know he's reliable
23:10because he has been reliably purchasing
23:13drugs from me for the past week. Now, in
23:15terms of events, the only one that
23:17really matters to the banker is payday.
23:19When everyone rushes to the government
23:21pay terminals to receive their money as
23:22a banker, you don't receive a salary.
23:24You get something even better, everyone
23:26else's. In conclusion, banker best class
23:29in the game. Spend all day grinding real
23:31estate, getting called racial slurs, and
23:33being assassinated in the street. 10 out
23:35of 10 realism. Now, let's move on to the
23:37last cortex class, the
23:41cops. They say it's easy to hate the
23:43rich, but it requires real courage to
23:45hate the poor. By this metric, I can
23:47deductively reason that the police are
23:49the most courageous people in the
23:51server. As a cop, you have several
23:53responsibilities, including patrolling
23:55the streets, confiscating contraband,
23:57maintaining social stability, and
23:58executing limitation orders. What's a
24:01limitation order, I hear you ask? Well,
24:03let's assume you're a pro and you just
24:05decided to beat three bankers to death
24:06for the crime of not being as poor as
24:08you and you did it all on camera. In
24:11response, the Cortex is going to order a
24:13limitation to your bloodline, starting
24:15with you. Once you're marked for
24:17limitation, the police will be paid to
24:18hunt you down. And if a camera spots
24:20you, it'll relay your position to the
24:22cops. So, it's just a matter of time.
24:24Your experience as a cop is binary. If
24:27you're on a low pop server, it's going
24:28to be pretty boring and you'll finish
24:30like 600 patrols. If you're on a high
24:32pop server, you'll never even touch a
24:34patrol because the amount of psychopaths
24:36you run into scales exponentially with
24:38server population. Under these
24:40circumstances, maintaining social order
24:42during the ration cycle becomes
24:43borderline impossible, and in most
24:45cases, you'll be outnumbered 10 to one.
24:48So, I highly recommend working in teams.
24:50Cooperatively, we can oppress far more
24:52civilians than we could have otherwise.
24:54This is the concept of Gestalt police
24:57brutality, and you need to learn it
24:58well. He's running. He's running. Kill
25:00him. An important part of optimizing
25:02your state terrorism is understanding
25:04the community you serve. Learning their
25:06likes and dislikes. For example, why
25:08does this pro call me a racial slur
25:11every time I beat him with a night
25:12stick? I need to understand. A good way
25:15to get a sense of your community is by
25:17going to the city bulletin board. When I
25:18first saw this, I read a few posts and
25:20thought, "Wow, this is so cool. I wonder
25:23if these are all pre-generated or if
25:25they're playerade." And then I read a
25:26few more. Definitely playerade. In fact,
25:2990% of the posts are just sexual analogy
25:32and terrorist threats. My conclusion
25:35from this research is that pearls don't
25:37really like anyone, but they especially
25:39don't like the police. And in a game
25:41that has no report feature, I must be
25:43prepared for my fellow citizens to tell
25:45me to kill myself on a consistent
25:4715-minute basis. I tell myself it's not
25:49personal. They don't actually hate me.
25:52But I know that's not true because when
25:53I get bored, I like to plant contraband
25:55in the wartime factory and wait for a
25:57pole to pick it up. Then I chase them
25:59down the street, search them, find the
26:01illegal items I planted, and kill them
26:03for social credit. The Stanford prison
26:06experiment could not have prepared us
26:07for the antisocial tendencies you will
26:10develop as a cop. I once saw a cop
26:12walking down the street. He said
26:14audibly, "Damn, I'm getting pretty
26:16hungry." At which point he approached a
26:18random pole, shot him in the face eight
26:20times, and then began trying to harvest
26:22his meat with a police baton. I'm so
26:24hungry. I just want to eat him. I just
26:26want to eat him so bad. That type of
26:28stuff is so normal, it's almost not even
26:29worth mentioning. Interesting events for
26:31the police include the purge. If you've
26:33got a high concentration of other
26:35officers, this will be pretty fun. But
26:37if there's only two or three of you, you
26:38should be afraid. The pearls aren't
26:40thinking about killing you. They've
26:42already decided that they will. Now
26:44they're just thinking about whether to
26:45use knives or pickaxes. Now all of that
26:48constitutes like 60% of your job as a
26:50cop. The other 40% is fighting the scum.
26:53They live underground in these tunnels
26:54and emerge periodically to stage terror
26:56attacks and disrupt your beautiful
26:58utopia. It is your job to organize
27:01police raids and suppress their presence
27:03at all costs. Normally this isn't too
27:05difficult because they're all insane and
27:07their guns are made of Elmer's glue and
27:09logs of [ __ ] but on occasion they will
27:11get the better of you. One time me and
27:13the boys managed to plant a double agent
27:15in the scum cult and he led all of us
27:17into their base for a massive raid.
27:19However, after wandering around, we
27:21realized no one was here. Turns out the
27:23scum had someone on the police force
27:24leaking them information and they knew
27:26we were coming. As we were leaving the
27:28tunnels, they were waiting for us and I
27:30got a full shotgun blast to the face. I
27:33did not enjoy this ending to the
27:35departed. Without proper vigilance, the
27:37scum will gain the upper hand and start
27:39to overpower the cortex. And let me tell
27:41you, being the last police officer left
27:43on a server overrun with cultists is the
27:46truest form of survival horror. That
27:48being said, banding together with
27:50liquidators and slowly restoring the
27:52city back to working order while the
27:53citizens cheer you on is actually very
27:55fulfilling and I highly recommend it. To
27:57summarize, playing the police is pretty
27:59fun and exceptionally fun if you're
28:01willing to do some light roleplay.
28:03There's nothing personal. You're just
28:05unskilled. It's unlabored. You don't
28:07have a degree or anything. You're
28:08unskilled. You're never a meth anything.
28:10You're unskilled. You're uneducated. You
28:11got nothing.
28:14You're
28:15never
28:16suck. Just kill yourself. All of my
28:19homies hate that.
28:22That concludes all of the jobs and
28:23mechanics for the Cortex classes. So,
28:26now we can take a look at what it's like
28:27to be scum. My first interaction with
28:29scum was when a filthy man emerged from
28:31a sewer drainage pipe and asked me to
28:33throw him some food up here in the tube.
28:36I saw no reason to distrust this man.
28:39So, we tried to toss him a chunk of
28:40meat, but some pole [ __ ] intercepted
28:43the food, ate it, and called the tube
28:45man a false idol. He's a false idol.
28:47Obviously, the pearl had to die. We
28:49chased him down, killed him, and worked
28:51together to feed his body to the tube
28:53man, who gladly accepted and screamed
28:55out in ecstasy. Yes, the fall. Turns out
28:58that guy wasn't even scum. Just a very
29:01weird pole living in a sewage pipe. But
29:03I really liked his style. ready to me
29:05more corpses. My first real interaction
29:08with the scum was when I was
29:09manufacturing explosives. In the middle
29:11of my shift, a scumbag broke into the
29:13factory and went on a 25 pole killing
29:16spree. He also brought a doctor with him
29:18who spent the entire time shredding an
29:20electric guitar and laughing
29:24maniacally. At first, I was interested,
29:26but now I'm sold. Time to roll scum. The
29:29Scum is a deeply ironic rebel faction
29:32because there's a social credit
29:33requirement to join it. And once you get
29:35down in these tunnels, you quickly
29:37realize the anti-establishment doomsday
29:39cult is actually way more communist than
29:42the communist state that it's trying to
29:44overthrow. But I'm getting ahead of
29:45myself. Let's start with the basics. You
29:47spawn in as a scumbag. You've got a
29:49knife, a lighter, and a warrant out for
29:51your arrest. Fortunately, you're
29:53relatively safe in these underground
29:54tunnels, which gives you plenty of time
29:56to gather resources and work with other
29:58scum to plot attacks against the cortex.
30:01If you're on a good scum server, you'll
30:02probably have about a dozen teammates,
30:04and all of your resources will be
30:06communal, which is very important
30:08because, let me tell you, there's
30:09nothing worse than playing by yourself,
30:11spending 40 minutes sifting through
30:13literal feces to find gun parts, and
30:15then finally traveling to the top side
30:17only to get limited almost immediately.
30:19So, do yourself a favor and cooperate
30:21with other terrorists. At a low level,
30:23your goals will be things like
30:25destroying public ATMs and security
30:27cameras. I know that sounds mundane, but
30:29if you can't win a fight against a
30:31vending machine, then you're not ready
30:32for what comes next. As a scumbag, you
30:35have to feed your local zealot. And what
30:36he's hungry for is human flesh. So, you
30:39and the fellas will organize raiding
30:41parties, kill a few people, drag them
30:42into the sewers, and feed them to your
30:44boss. By consuming the flesh, the zealot
30:47becomes more powerful and eventually he
30:49can even promote you into a zealot,
30:50which provides a massive HP buff. Some
30:53people will try to tell you this is a
30:55thinly veiled analogy for corporate
30:57America and the human cost of profit.
30:59Those are the people you want to kill
31:01first. After that, just toss the
31:03skeletons in this big ritual pit. Once
31:05we get 10 in there, it starts the purge
31:07event, which will hopefully cause civil
31:09strife and produce even more bodies for
31:11us. Once you've got that momentum behind
31:13you and the police are busy slaughtering
31:15pearls, I recommend crafting IEDs and
31:17bombing the city's neurostabilizers.
31:20These machines filter the rot out of
31:21aneurysm 4. And without them, things
31:23start to go to [ __ ] very fast. Destroy
31:26the stabilizers, kill the repairmen, and
31:28you're on a path to victory. However, I
31:30won't lie, no one is really expecting
31:32you to succeed, and especially not the
31:34police. The ruling class looking down on
31:36us from their ivory towers has always
31:39and will always underestimate the
31:41ingenuity of the common man. For
31:43example, could the socialist
31:44superructure have ever anticipated the
31:47invention of the baldo, a wearable
31:49device that fashions your testicles into
31:51a fallus for penetrative purposes? I
31:54think not. And that, ladies and
31:55gentlemen, is our edge. Because when the
31:57Cortex raids our stockpile and
31:59confiscates all of our gun parts, they
32:01forget that we can make machine guns out
32:03of nothing more than fermented feces and
32:05the axle off a lawn mower. Now, even
32:07with our poop guns, it's going to be an
32:09uphill battle, which is why I recommend
32:11the great equalizer, heavy drugs. By
32:14taking methadone before a raid, I can
32:16absorb approximately 200% more police
32:18brutality before eventually bleeding out
32:20in a ventilation shaft. When you utilize
32:23these tips and tricks, you'll finally
32:25start winning. I could tell you about my
32:27most successful terrorist attack, but
32:29I'd rather tell you about my least
32:30successful. After several hours of
32:32grinding parts, me and the fellas
32:34finally created a Roth bomb. This is the
32:36largest explosive in the game, and it
32:37can easily wipe out an entire server
32:39under the right conditions. So, we
32:41waited until the wartime event triggered
32:43because we knew everyone would be in one
32:45location, prime for the bombing.
32:47Sneaking up to the top side, we slipped
32:49through several alleys. No police in
32:51sight, and the factory is full. This is
32:53perfect. My teammate sets up the bomb
32:55and we arm it. It's motion activated. So
32:57once the pearls come flooding out of the
32:59factory, they'll trigger it and it'll
33:01kill everyone. Truly a master stroke in
33:03terrorism. As we're making our escape, I
33:05see a pearl arriving late to the
33:07factory. He's running straight toward
33:09us. Dear God, no. He sprints directly
33:12into the motionactivated rot bomb,
33:14triggers it, and blows the three of us
33:15up in what must have been the least
33:17successful terrorist bombing of all
33:19time. Casualty breakdown. 66% friendly
33:22fire. 33% guy who wanted to die. Anyway,
33:25that was a tough pill to swallow. But
33:28what's the dayto-day like down here?
33:30Well, we all drink out of one giant
33:31puddle of bloody water. Delicious. And
33:33everyone is hopelessly addicted to chain
33:35smoking cigarettes as it's the only way
33:37to stave off our descent into insanity.
33:40Other than that, it's just a lot of
33:41cannibalism. Cannibalism? That sounds
33:43extreme. What about ration day? I hear
33:46you ask. Well, my naive little friend,
33:48let me tell you about ration day.
33:50Getting your rations as a member of the
33:52scum is totally possible. I would just
33:54expect about 50% casualties because you
33:57have to assemble a team of three to five
33:59heavily armed serial killers, make a
34:01coordinated push to secure the canteen,
34:03destroy all surveillance cameras and
34:05witnesses as you move, and then survive
34:07at least one shootout with the cops. All
34:10that just for a little government issue
34:12slop. Eventually, through enough
34:14teamwork and dedication, you might be
34:15able to make it to the late game as a
34:17scum, where you've effectively destroyed
34:19the police presence on your server, and
34:21society begins to unravel. This is a
34:23fairly interesting phase in the game
34:25because you get to observe firsthand the
34:27wide range of human reactions as people
34:29realize the world is ending. It's kind
34:31of like being on a plane that's about to
34:33crash, except you're the one crashing
34:35it. In this footage, we had taken
34:37control of 90% of the city with only one
34:39or two cops left to resist us. In
34:41response, every physician in town
34:43attempted to isolate themselves in this
34:45pit to avoid having to heal us. However,
34:47that also meant that they couldn't heal
34:48the other citizens. So, the pearls
34:50viewed this as the doctors abandoning
34:52them, and they formed an angry mob,
34:54jumped in the pit, and started killing
34:56each other. These are truly the final
34:58days of the Roman Empire. Final
35:00analysis: Scum is great. Wander around
35:03in the darkness, eat organs, balance
35:05your methadone addiction with a nicotine
35:07addiction, do terrorism, and then get
35:09blown up by your own bomb. the best
35:11class ever. All right, that's it for
35:12this video. I hope all of that made
35:14sense to you because if not, good luck
35:16sifting through 500 medical research
35:18papers when trying to Google anything
35:20about this game. In conclusion, Aneurysm
35:224: Terrible Spelling, great game. The
35:25Police Presence is oppressive. For a
35:27title of this quality, it's remarkably
35:29cheap. So, I look forward to seeing each
35:31and every one of you rubber banding
35:32across my server in the near future.
35:35Just remember, Big Brother is always
35:37watching. Oh no, big brother Cortex. I
35:39got stuck in the washing machine. Please
35:41don't hit me with a pipe and steal my
35:43flesh.
35:45[Music]
35:52Don't get me wrong.

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