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Analisando Primeiras Páginas de Livros ao Vivo! (Ft. Vilto Reis) — Transcript

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0:03Good evening, my lovely people. We're
0:08here for another Write Your Book live
0:10stream, to talk about various things,
0:12to talk about your texts, to talk about
0:14the prize. And today we have our dear
0:18friend Vilto Reis with us. Say hi,
0:21Vilto.
0:23Wow, everyone, thank you for the
0:24invitation. It's a pleasure to be with
0:26you. I am still filled with the
0:28Biennial in my head, so I will end up
0:30saying a few things. It's
0:32coming from there, right?
0:34Yes. Biennial overdose. I didn't sleep
0:37well, huh? I didn't rest,
0:39poor thing. And we
0:41also have Laura Bcelara here, our
0:43lovely friend as always, who's here
0:45every week. How are you, Laura? Did you
0:47have a good week?
0:48Yes, everything's fine, everything's
0:50going well. Getting ready to read a lot
0:53of texts, right? Our prize is open for
0:58entries and it is coming, it is coming
1:00more and more now. Synopses and
1:03introductory pages. Did you like this
1:06idea? We're going to write synopses on
1:08introductory pages. That's
1:10the part I've liked most about the
1:11award so far.
1:15At least the downpour is short. I've
1:19already participated in some contests
1:21where you had to read several entire
1:22stories, right? It's tough.
1:25Bad stories. Me
1:27too.
1:28It's a short story contest where, like,
1:30you can't read two pages when there are
1:3210, 15, because if you put 100 stories,
1:34you're screwed, right? Yeah, it's part
1:36of it. And hey, guys, just to remind
1:41you, the Write Your Book award is
1:43happening, which is very, very simple.
1:47You're going to send the first three
1:50pages of your book, so we can put a
1:52synopsis geared towards the editor.
1:56It's not the synopsis you would write
1:58for your audience, it's the synopsis
1:59you write for an editor. We have the
2:02page premmio.escrevaseuivro.com.br.br.
2:08I even pinned it here in the chat and
2:12also in the description.
2:15So, all of you are strictly prohibited
2:18from asking any of us questions without
2:20first having entered this page and read
2:23absolutely everything, because we even
2:26have a FAQ there with the most
2:28frequently asked questions. So, if
2:32you're going to come with that question
2:34, uh, can I send you four pages for you
2:37to approve? No, you have to send them.
2:42Can I, I will, I wrote a 400-page book,
2:44can I, will I be able to participate?
2:48No, it's up to about 140 pages. Oh, but
2:51my book was 142. It will be 142 pages
2:54in Word.
2:56OK, you can send it. My book will be
2:58400. No, you can't.
3:03So all these questions are there.
3:06Right. So you writers, please do, read.
3:12The first number one presumption of
3:14every writer is to read.
3:16And if it's a 1000-page alien romance,
3:19send it directly to Cí, right? Don't
3:21send
3:22it, I'll move to the next.
3:25If the manuscript already has two pages
3:27, I'll read it.
3:30Guys, the one who will select it will
3:33be Vlange, whoever gives it, Viltto
3:36Reis, who is here today, whose head
3:39you'll notice, right, editorial and
3:42author editor is annoying. For sure.
3:52V, tell us a little about how the
3:54Biennial was.
3:56Guys, it was crazy. It was the first
3:58Biennial I went to to launch a book,
3:59right? So, I launched here Made of
4:02Darkness and Torments, a story that
4:03takes place in a vampire university,
4:07where we have a couple, right, a
4:09romance too, right, a romantic story,
4:11where she is a waitress who works in a
4:13bar until the day a somewhat mysterious
4:15guy arrives and turns her into a
4:17vampire, but her blood is toxic to him,
4:20right? And then,
4:23she is taken to the university, where
4:25she will be hunted to see which vampire
4:27family she is from and he is the bad
4:29boy who returns being the son of one of
4:31the vampire families. There's a romance
4:34, lots of sharp dialogue. The book also
4:36has a funny tone, although not a
4:38pastiche. And guys, it was really cool
4:40to see people buying the book. We
4:43signed a lot of books, didn't we? So
4:45that warms your heart. And I was at the
4:48Biennial as an editor too, right? So
4:50there were more than 10 authors there
4:52who launched books that I edited, right
4:54? I'll even make a little video of the
4:56authors showing the books I edited.
4:58And that was it, the contacts, the
5:00people we meet. And I personally came
5:03back energized from seeing so many
5:05people wanting to read books, right?
5:08That's what we want. Did
5:09you feel there was a younger crowd at
5:12the Biennial? I saw that comment.
5:16Yes, there was a really young crowd
5:18going with suitcases to buy books,
5:20right? Which I think...
5:21Look how cool,
5:22something I haven't seen in other
5:23places in the country. I think,
5:25wow, that's really great,
5:27right? There was the woman who spent R
5:29$ 2400 on books, right? She became
5:31famous, she appeared in a Paulo Rats
5:33video,
5:35and she had books by my authors, right?
5:37So I was very happy when she took them
5:38out of her suitcase like that. So
5:40that's it, yes. I think people are
5:42buying more, yes. And I was imagining
5:45someone who won, wrote their book,
5:46right, they could be there with their
5:47copies selling, right, with their
5:49little suitcase in the hallway. They
5:51would sell easily, guys. They would
5:53sell very easily, for sure.
5:55Oh, and the chat crew is arriving here.
5:57Carepturana, 18 members of the channel,
5:59a beautiful person, is here with us. It
6:01was the first chat of the day, huh. We
6:04have Débora Bate, a member of the
6:05channel, a beautiful person here with
6:06us. Raquel de Oliveira, the channel's
6:08Black woman, is lovely. Guys, what city
6:10are you from? It's been a while since
6:11we asked that, right, Laura? Uh, tell
6:13us what city you're watching us from.
6:15Yes, it's good. We always like to know.
6:18So, we also have Silvia Ca from the
6:20channel here, a lovely person.
6:22Cristiane Ribeiro, also from the
6:23channel, a lovely person. Everyone's
6:25arriving. And folks, how's today's live
6:28stream going? It's a continuation of
6:31the last live stream we did, which was
6:34reading the first two pages. It's the
6:38same format, but today we have Viltto
6:41to comment as well. So, in that live
6:44stream with Vlangou on synopses for
6:49editors, right? That was the focus with
6:51her. Today, the focus with him is on
6:54reading the first two pages. Why is it
6:57important for you to pay attention to
6:58today's live stream and who will be
7:00participating in the award? Because the
7:03criteria that you are seeing here are
7:06the same criteria that you will see
7:08there when they read the other books
7:12that are already competing for the
7:14award. So, wait a minute, pause, pause.
7:18It's not just the criteria for this
7:20award, it's the editors 'criteria,
7:22right?
7:22Yes. This editorial perspective that
7:26Avlângil, you and I will be practicing
7:29is based on the criteria editors
7:30generally use when they receive a work.
7:34They skim through it to see if they'll
7:36read it or not, if they'll consider
7:38publishing it or not, right?
7:40Ultimately, they're oriented towards
7:42attracting readers, right? So it's a
7:44large cycle, isn't it? But we're
7:47working together to reach more readers.
7:49Exactly. So, it is very important that
7:52you understand the manner in which this
7:55work of an editor is carried out. And
7:58you will see that it is work which is
8:00considered standard in the market. So
8:03you'll see that whoever wins is the
8:06person who was truly competent, right?
8:09Because it will reach that stage where
8:11we'll gather and separate the 10 best.
8:13From the 10 best, we will decide who is
8:15going to be the grand winner, the guy
8:20or the girl who will end up as the big
8:22winner of this whole thing.
8:25So it's all very clear, okay? So, read
8:28the little announcement we made on the
8:30website premio.com.br. It's all very
8:33simple there. And you'll understand
8:36absolutely everything you need to do,
8:38okay? And look, people are talking here
8:40, look. Carrot from Mars.
8:43Carrot from Mars. That's
8:45Carrot from Mars talking.
8:47Yeah, there are some people here from
8:49outside Brazil, look. There's Alisson
8:51from California.
8:54Oh, cool, huh? We have Carlos, from
8:56Juiz de Fora, a member of the channel,
8:58a lovely person, by the way.
9:01Look, here, look. Vila Madalena, and
9:03Débora, look, from Fortaleza. And I'm
9:06wanting GG. Where's the thumbs up?
9:08Thumbs up. You guys are in Miguelança
9:10now. Come on,
9:12Cidola. Let's go, let's start.
9:15Go ahead, do it. Put it there and I'll
9:17release it here.
9:19Wait a minute, let
9:21me just comment on one thing here. So,
9:25there was someone who saw me from afar,
9:27Volia Ved at the Biennial, and said
9:29that in her thoughts she went to greet
9:31me, but she should have gone. She
9:35was too shy. That's a good one.
9:42She says she said hi and asked for an
9:44autograph mentally. Look at that.
9:46In her thoughts. I hadn't seen that
9:49before. No
9:51one had ever asked me for an autograph
9:53in their thoughts. In
9:54her thoughts. That was
9:57telepathy at work. It's
9:59telepathy.
10:00Okay. Oh, Laura, just don't forget, let
10:03me control when it goes live and when
10:05it doesn't, okay?
10:07OK. So, I'm sharing it, okay?
10:10Great. So, take that nervous finger off
10:11the little buttons here in the layout,
10:13because I'm the one who controls it,
10:15damn it.
10:16Very well, let's go. Ready? My problems
10:25started after the drought. My head was
10:28full, thinking about life. My farm,
10:31inherited from my father, wasn't
10:33producing anything. The corn crop was
10:36lost and those who owed me money
10:38weren't paying. On Monday, after lunch,
10:41I went to the farm. I was suspicious of
10:45my employee. The animals weren't being
10:48well-fed, and the grass was high. I
10:51stopped the horse at the farm's
10:52entrance and opened the gate. The sun
10:54was blazing.
10:56Can I pause for the first time? Well,
10:59there's
11:01something in this text that's a little
11:03annoying, which is that the sentence
11:05structure is always subject, verb,
11:06complement. Subject, verb, complement.
11:09There's no inversion like that. So it
11:11is t such t such t such such t such
11:14such t such such. It always goes at the
11:16same pace, right? The only inversion
11:18here is "on Monday," right? "On Monday,
11:20after lunch I went to the farm," after
11:22that it's just direct sentences, right?
11:24"I was suspicious,""the animals weren't
11:26,""the inheritance," and so on. And
11:28that's something that alters the rhythm
11:30, right? To keep the reader's attention
11:33. It seems like you're constantly
11:35jumping off a cliff to the next
11:37sentence. So, that would already be a
11:39point of attention in this text.
11:41Yes, it's very simple, isn't it, this
11:43way of narrating.
11:45Exactly.
11:48But I...I'm bothered by the fact that
11:51we're thrown into the father's farm
11:53like this, without seeing anything,
11:55right? The entrance to the farm, what's
11:59the entrance to the farm like, you know
12:01? But okay, read a little more, Sidney,
12:05to see if we can get our bearings.
12:07Let's see, let's see if we get to that
12:08farm. I
12:09stopped the horse at the farm's
12:11entrance and opened the gate. The sun
12:13was burning like embers. I spotted Joca
12:16from afar, peeked around the shed and
12:19lay in wait. The rascal came rolling a
12:23cigarette and lay down with his mat
12:24under his arm. "Damn life," he grumbled
12:30. "Working like a condemned man, only
12:32taking a nap to endure so much struggle
12:35." When I saw that, I was filled with
12:40rage, I took the machete from its
12:41sheath, and jumped on him. You son of a
12:44. I grabbed him by his shirt
12:47collar and stood him up. The wretch's
12:50eyes widened and he was speechless. The
12:52blood drained from his face. "Your
12:54Claudio Honor," he finally said. I lost
12:57my voice. "That's it." I threw him to
13:01the ground, raising dust. "I'm going to
13:04give you a beating, you scoundrel." I
13:07gave him a thrashing on the back when
13:09he tried to get up. He fell to the
13:11ground again and received another. He
13:13kept trying to get up again and the
13:15machete was on his back. Finally, he
13:18reached a jacaranda tree and turned to
13:21me, his eyes wide. "Please, Mr. Claudio
13:25, don't kill me. It was just a nap.""I
13:28don't pay you to take a nap," I replied
13:30. "You'll send him away with a broken
13:34back, you son of a. It's money
13:37you get for not working.
13:39Someone hire Sidney to play your guy.
13:45The narrator's already been chosen."
13:49I'm
13:50like, I'm thinking, first of all, it's
13:52a little, you know, it's leaning a bit
13:54too much into clichés, right? And
13:58another thing, I'm thinking, man, I
14:01agree, as an employee. The guy's going
14:05to hit him with a machete because he
14:07was going to lie down on a mat and take
14:09a nap. I'm finding this opening a bit
14:14strange, you know? Uh, hum, I don't
14:19know. I'm finding it a little
14:22artificial. What did you think, Vild?
14:26It seems a bit burlesque, right? Almost
14:28like a play, right? Something a little
14:31exaggerated and all, but just a little.
14:34Let's move on a little more to see
14:36just a little more, right? But like, I
14:39...I don't think it's true, I don't
14:41think anything. I'd already be losing
14:46interest, you know? I'd already be
14:48pulling the trigger again. When Cora
14:50arrived, she pleaded for the man's life
14:52. Joca got fed up. Forgive me, Mr.
14:55Claudionor. Mrs. Cora, intercede for me
14:57.
14:59Your business is with me, you rascal.
15:01Now here, otherwise I'll cut it all off
15:03. It's
15:09really exaggerated. Are
15:14you going to read more or stop there?
15:16No, I think that's enough.
15:18I think we're out of here. Yes,
15:20yes,
15:21yes. You can go ahead. I didn't get
15:24carried away.
15:25Don't click, Laura, let me click.
15:28No, I didn't click. I just closed it
15:29there.
15:30No, don't close it. Let me do it.
15:32Oh, okay. Yes, you spoke well, it's
15:35very theatrical, isn't it? But if it's
15:38going to be theatrical, we have to have
15:40the information that everything is okay
15:41, so it will be bureaucratic, right? I
15:44suspect not, right? I think that from
15:46the continuation there it will be a
15:49story that will actually tell that. But
15:52it started in a very exaggerated way.
15:54What is this? What a velocimile, right?
15:57And the guy, right? Oh, everything is
15:59going wrong. Then he goes there with
16:01the machete and almost kills the guy.
16:03What is this? What a strange thing. "
16:06Lagaramão de ser encostado. No, we
16:14need this story, but in C. Aes' voice,
16:17he
16:18sent us the super. Thank you very much,
16:20Cler. Thank you very much. Oh, just
16:23remembering that we haven't talked yet
16:25about
16:26who wants to jump the queue, who wants
16:28to be the 'queue-jumper,'
16:30because this list we're using here is
16:32from the list from 15 days ago that had
16:34already been sent, right? There's a ton
16:36of text here that we probably won't
16:38have time for today. So, whoever wants
16:42to be part of the 'queue-jumper' has to
16:44send at least R $ 50 in the super chat
16:47or super sticker and send their text to
16:50the group link that I'll send in a
16:53little while, the link I forgot to send
16:55. But, so, if you want to send at least
16:5950 coins to jump the queue, continue."
17:02Keep talking if you have anything else
17:04to add.
17:06No, but what I also felt was missing
17:08was something more regarding the
17:09psychology of the character, his way of
17:12thinking, and his personal sensations.
17:15The text was a bit simplistic in its
17:18narrative choices, right? So, the
17:21sentences were always direct, the
17:23dialogues were a bit artificial, and at
17:25no point do we get anything that
17:27reveals more about this character,
17:29beyond the things we already expect
17:31from this scenario, right? I think
17:33that's what made it artificial, right?
17:35Right, Laura?
17:37Very simple, very simple, very direct
17:39and cliché, right?
17:41Uh-huh. That's it. It didn't excite me.
17:45Right, let's move to another that
17:47follows a different line. Go ahead, C.
17:49Okay.
17:50Let me just let you know here, in the
17:51chat, look.
17:53Hi. I'm
17:54scared. Let's see what's coming.
17:56Cure the queue.
17:59Send your bad text to this
18:06group and I'll do very well. Here it is
18:15. Let's go, let's go. Let's go, huh?
18:17Ready? Get ready to die.
18:21Go ahead.
18:22I'm already getting angry that
18:24so-and-so put everything in italics. Do
18:26you want to ruin my reading? Do
18:28you want me to change it? It's
18:30not like that. If I start rushing the
18:32words, it's the author's fault.
18:34Okay.
18:35Daar, the only one. I saw him when I
18:41was born, when he created me. He
18:44entrusted his children with continuing
18:46his immense creation. Caiir, the
18:50protector, was responsible for guiding
18:52the light of Bael, the warrior, with
18:57the one responsible for guiding the
19:00darkness. They all began to spread life
19:03and maintain their father's work.
19:06Caialir created the divine beings of
19:09light, in the same way that Dabai
19:12created the beings of darkness. Irbanum
19:16, the judge, ruled that his brothers
19:19were not correctly doing their father's
19:21will and thus entered into a power
19:24struggle. Wow, I was just saying the
19:27names here, the Guspinas. Tamarur, when
19:32he created light and darkness, did he
19:34know that his children would use it to
19:36kill each other? Did he imagine the
19:39scale of their hatred? Damarur's sons
19:43strayed from their duties and wrote,
19:46forgetting that their father's will was
19:49the only one to be followed and revered
19:51. The dispute between brothers
19:55intensified and generated the first
19:57conflict, the War of Origins. Caiir, in
20:01an act of desperation, fragmented his
20:03power and, wounded by the result,
20:05poured it out on the beings of light.
20:10Envious of Baele, he repeated the act
20:12and also poured out his blessings, but
20:15did not survive. The blessing,
20:18wait a minute,
20:20pause, pause. So, I think here we
20:25already have an obvious problem: there
20:28are a lot of names, it's a mythology
20:30that we don't know, right, that the
20:33author invented, and the hook is
20:35missing, right? It's presenting a
20:42situation very similar to something,
20:46some biblical origin myth, something
20:49like that, but who are these beings?
20:54Why would I read this? Who said I'm
20:58interested in the War of Origins if I
21:00don't know who Caialir is? And who says
21:05I'm going to be bothered by WL and his
21:07envy if I don't even know who WL is,
21:09right? So there are a series of beings
21:13being introduced and there's a conflict
21:15, but it doesn't grab me. Tell me what
21:20you think, okay?
21:23Whenever we have a bunch of names we
21:25don't care about, it causes a certain
21:28weariness, a tedium in reading, right?
21:31So, in about two minutes from now, I
21:33won't remember any of these names here,
21:35will I? So I wouldn't continue. And
21:38then someone might say, right? Me, guys
21:40, I'm into epic fantasy, okay? I love
21:42these things about mythology and God,
21:44invented God and all that. But I think
21:47starting with one character is much
21:49more interesting and then letting these
21:52mythologies appear,
21:54right? Because, and there's a strategy
21:57that many writers use, which is to
21:59introduce a character who knows nothing
22:02about that world, because as he learns,
22:04the reader also learns, right? So those
22:08are some of the strategies, but I would
22:10never start that way. You can have this
22:13text in other parts of your book, but
22:14never at the beginning, right?
22:17Yeah. Uh, and so, a conflict of light
22:20against shadow, and so on. No, if we
22:24don't understand what this is being
22:26talked about in detail, in a detail
22:29that is interesting, don't take this
22:31one here, a bad opening,
22:34right? Then it goes, look, it continues
22:35in this tone and look, see, further on
22:41it comes with a bunch more names,
22:43galaxy, for goodness sake, primeval
22:46axis in the constellation of birds and
22:48the lion's fissure. Too many names for
22:52things the reader doesn't know what are
22:55. No, no, no, no, no, no. That's
22:58the text for you to organize yourself.
23:01That's the text for you to organize
23:02yourself, keep there, for you to
23:04consult. It's not the story. The story
23:06isn't this.
23:08No. And even, look, when the story
23:11started, right, it already started to
23:13appear, look, Word already indicates,
23:16right, look, the couple of Verro,
23:19Evilen, Noctar. Oh no.
23:25Laura, stop clicking on the link's
23:27sticker, let me control it. Oh, okay.
23:30Otherwise, we'll keep seeing your
23:31screen, seeing your things. I don't
23:32want to. Leave it to me, okay. Okay.
23:35Varlon Caiede sent us the super sticker
23:39here. And it's already in the group,
23:43Laura. It's already the first
23:44queue-jumper of the night. There's
23:46a queue-jumper, okay?
23:47Yes. Look, open it and I'll release it
23:50here for us. You do as I said, cut the
23:53queue and you'll have yours read before
23:57everyone else.
23:59Oh dear.
24:00Just a hook here. Someone said it could
24:02be a prologue. People, not even for a
24:04prologue. A prologue is to capture the
24:06reader. And this text goes against that
24:09.
24:11Perfect. Perfect. Besides, as Vlange
24:15also said, consider if your prologue is
24:18necessary, if the prologue doesn't have
24:21a very interesting hook to capture the
24:24reader, it's not working well, right?
24:28Exactly. Exactly.
24:30Let's move on to the next one.
24:32Let's.
24:33This is Furafila, right?
24:34This is Vagerson's. Yes.
24:36Very good. The father returned three
24:39weeks after being buried.
24:42Lola was on the living room floor
24:44playing with her rag doll, the house
24:47quiet. The kerosene lamp dimmed on the
24:50wall, the flame low, the door open and
24:53outside the yard, the cricket's dream.
24:56In the yard.
24:58The mother had stayed in the next room
25:00rocking Rosa in the hammock until the
25:02youngest fell asleep. It was the time
25:06when nobody needed her, and Lola liked
25:08this time, the floor all to herself,
25:10the doll all to herself. She looked up
25:14and he was at the door: whole, his body
25:16as broad as before, without the
25:18thinness of the last few days, when the
25:20illness shrank him in the hammock. Or
25:23shrank her father in the hammock, her
25:25father, standing at the door, looking
25:28at her the way he looked when he came
25:30back from the tide and she ran down the
25:33bank to wait for the canoe. Lola wasn't
25:38afraid, she wasn't surprised, she
25:40dropped the doll and ran. She ran with
25:43her whole body, her arms already open
25:45before she arrived, her throat already
25:47releasing the word "father," preparing
25:49to climb onto him as she climbed, onto
25:51his lap, onto the smell of sun and salt
25:54, onto his chest where his voice
25:55rumbled stories of the Curupira. Her
25:58arms closed in the emptiness of the
26:00doorway. She turned, searched behind
26:03her, searched in the corner, in the
26:05room, at the door again, but the door
26:07was empty and her father was nowhere to
26:09be found. And the rag doll sat still in
26:12the middle of the floor where she left
26:13it.
26:14Look, this beginning is interesting.
26:17It's interesting.
26:20Look, here we have a situation that
26:23isn't entirely cliché, right? And it's
26:27very well described. We can see this
26:30character, we can feel where she is,
26:33the type of place, the type of life,
26:37right? They sleep in hammocks, there
26:41are stories of the Curupira, so we get
26:43a sense of the place and the culture,
26:46and there's also a bit of affection,
26:49right? Do you want to read a little
26:52more, Sidney? I liked this one.
26:54But just one thing, it has a very
26:56pointed first sentence that already
26:58grabs our attention, right? You can go
27:00back there.
27:01The father returned three weeks after
27:04being buried. It starts like that right
27:06away. Yes.
27:08It starts getting interesting right
27:10away, right?
27:11Yes. What gossip is this? That they
27:13didn't tell me, right? I want to know.
27:15And then? And then there's also a more
27:19elaborate use of language. He ran, he
27:21ran with his whole body, right? They
27:24aren't very cliché constructions, but
27:26there's one thing that's bothering me,
27:28the repetitions of "estava"(was), right
27:31? I think most texts don't even need "
27:33estava," right? We can replace it with
27:35verbs that give more movement. I think
27:37there's a lot of "estável"(stable)
27:38here. There's a
27:39lot of "estável." But let's go.
27:42Uh, before I read, don't forget to give
27:45your like. We are currently passing 100
27:48people live here and because of that we
27:50need more likes. Then she called, "Dad,
27:54" called again, louder, and the name
27:57became a shout. "Dad, come back!" she
28:00stamped her foot, her voice cracking. "
28:02Come back, Dad!" The shouts startled
28:05her mother from the room. She came
28:06quickly, barefoot, her hair loose, her
28:08hand still on the wall, searching for
28:10her way in the dark. She thought her
28:13daughter had fallen, that she had hurt
28:15herself. She found the girl standing in
28:19the middle of the entire room, pointing
28:20to the empty door, saying that her
28:22father had come, that she saw he had
28:23disappeared. "Look, it's very good,
28:25it's very good.
28:28I think: we don't need to continue
28:30reading, but an interesting situation
28:33has been presented here, and we're
28:35managing to locate the character, the
28:40situation...We don't yet know what the
28:42conflict is, but evidently, the girl
28:44will want to talk to this father, and
28:47this father appeared for some reason
28:49that we will discover at some point,
28:51right? So I think a very interesting
28:55situation has been presented here. I
28:57would want to continue reading to find
28:59out where this leads. What do you think
29:01, V?
29:02I thought it was a good start. I would
29:04read it too." I would just leave one
29:07last warning there when the last
29:08paragraph appears. We enter the
29:10mother's consciousness, right? So I
29:13would say: "Look, think about whether
29:15you want to tell the story from the
29:17mother's or the child's point of view,
29:19or if you're going to use text breaks,
29:21right? Whenever you change, maybe a
29:25little marker there, a little asterisk,
29:27that also helps. But I even thought it
29:29would be more interesting to keep it
29:31from the child's point of view until
29:32the end.
29:32Yes, yes.
29:34But that's it. Good start. Good start.
29:37I thought so too.
29:38I thought so too.
29:41So far it's the winning text, because I
29:43liked it too. And that thing, you saw
29:45the first sentence of the story. It
29:48already grabs you. This one is good,
29:50really.
29:51The first sentence already makes you go
29:53for it, the first paragraph already
29:55makes you go for the second.
29:56Exactly.
29:57Automatically. There's no friction, no
30:00daydreaming, no thought that goes
30:02nowhere.
30:03It's that punch right at the beginning,
30:05you say:" Wait a minute, whoa. ""
30:07Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's really
30:09interesting. Well, this situation is
30:12well put.
30:12And the situations aren't explained,
30:14right? Things just happen and we just
30:16make assumptions, right? So that's very
30:18much it.
30:19And Alex is talking here, look. You can
30:21feel the girl's distress.
30:24Yes. And even in this situation of her
30:28playing on the floor with a low-flame
30:30lamp, it's very possible to feel that
30:33feeling. Very good. Look at Pedro here.
30:36I liked this one, I would only remove
30:37the beginning. The text implies that
30:40she didn't see her father in person.
30:43And I would leave it, I wouldn't remove
30:45it.
30:45Yeah, I would leave it. Perfect.
30:47In fact, that's what captivated me.
30:49That's what's interesting. Exactly.
30:53Well, can I change this, Sidney?
30:55You can change it. And Débora Mat, a
30:56member of the Ca Linda channel.
30:58Remember to like it, everyone. Sidney
31:00thanks you. That's it, folks.
31:06Ah, let's go to the next one. Let's go
31:08to the
31:08next one.
31:11I was lying down, looking at the starry
31:13night through the open window of my
31:15room, which It's on the second floor,
31:17facing Sixth Street. That's when that
31:20figure appeared at the window. I don't
31:23know if he saw me. I thought about
31:26hiding under the covers. I noticed his
31:30stubble and the smell of tar mixed with
31:32cedar filled my room. That tall man, in
31:36an elegant blazer, sat on the
31:38windowsill, swinging one leg into the
31:40room. His quick eyes scanned the room
31:44and suddenly fixed on me. I tried to
31:47close my eyes to hide the glare of the
31:49moonlight reflecting off them, but it
31:51was too late. "Don't be scared." The
31:56silky, deep, slightly hoarse voice sent
31:58shivers down my spine. "I'm not scared.
32:03Can I come closer?""Why do you want to
32:07come closer? To see you better, smell
32:10your sweet scent, and hear your
32:12heartbeat?
32:14That sounds like the big bad wolf,
32:16doesn't it?""
32:17Exactly.
32:19You want to eat me?
32:21It's an offer." What kind of dialogue
32:27is this? My God. "Huh?
32:30If you want, you can.""
32:33I even want to, but the moon isn't
32:35fully full yet." It really is a wolf,
32:37folks. The big bad wolf. "
32:41Wow, what a huge pink strawberry you
32:43have, you big bad wolf." He entered the
32:49room completely, his slow steps
32:51calculated so as not to make a sound on
32:53the wooden floor, which refused to
32:55adjust itself under his feet. He sat
33:00beside my bed with one foot on the
33:02floor and the other on my thigh. "
33:06Who are you?
33:09Your lover, your murderer, your
33:11ferocious animal? What are you supposed
33:15to be?""I'm half wolf, half vampire,
33:19raised by a witch grandmother.
33:21Who hasn't been there, right? This
33:27story is making me hot. Let me see, I'm
33:30a little hot.""Ah," he began to slide
33:36his hand under the covers, staring at
33:38me. "May I?
33:42Are they hot with what this is?""No,
33:48you can't," I
33:49replied, feeling my skin tingle. I felt
33:53his hands on my stomach. A chilling
33:55shiver ran up my spine to the base of
33:57my head, making me tremble all over. "
34:00You know what I love in a woman?
34:03Let's see.
34:04No, I think that's enough.
34:09Okay, tell me a dream. Take a look at
34:14it, see if it was a dream.
34:16In the end, it becomes a dream. Wait,
34:17let me go back there.
34:18Let me." Is it a dream? She stood up,
34:26sniffed, picked it up.
34:31It's hot, it's hot,
34:33it's hot.
34:34I threw my Kindle up in the air. Ah,
34:36she's reading the story.
34:40Look at that.
34:40Ah, so it's a hot one, see? See? An OD
34:43to the hot. She's reading this crap
34:47again.
34:48If it's a text she's reading, it could
34:50have a slightly different layout, right
34:51, so we can understand it too. I don't
34:53know if it is. Okay. Did
34:59you like my interpretation of the Big
35:01Bad Wolf?
35:07Someone make a funkine, please? Because
35:16I think this is a problem in many of
35:18these stories, especially for a general
35:21audience, right? The dialogues provide
35:24absolutely no indication of where the
35:28character is or what they are doing,
35:30isn't that right? And so, first, this
35:34being enters the second-floor window.
35:37Oh, just an addendum here. People want
35:39me to read more. Several people are
35:41saying they want me to read more.
35:43No, you guys ask the author. I ask the
35:47author. This here It's called Carol and
35:51her fantastic routine. Hunting vampires
35:54and werewolves. That's what this story
35:56is called, okay?
35:57Oh, if there's a big group chat, tell
35:58everyone to do an open reading for you,
36:00okay?
36:01Yes.
36:01There's already a fan club there.
36:03They're already interested. What I
36:05found is that he goes to the second
36:07floor, so this is either fantasy or
36:09delusion, right? I think it is bad when
36:16dialogues have no indications, right?
36:19Because what
36:21the person says,
36:23those gestures, right? Sorry to
36:25interrupt you. Those gestures that the
36:28characters make during the dialogue,
36:30they're also contributing to the
36:31dialogue, right? They're also telling a
36:34story.
36:35If you don't have anything like that,
36:37it seems like there's a void, right? It
36:39feels weird, right? Yeah,
36:40yeah. I
36:43think, and this phrase, "your assassin,
36:45your ferocious animal," that leans
36:46towards the ridiculous, right? So, uh,
36:50with the gestures we would know if it's
36:52meant to be ridiculous. Or what, right?
36:56Ironic. I think the name, Carol, her
37:00fantastic routine, I think it's meant
37:03to be ironic, but I think a little more
37:07explanation of what they're doing would
37:10help. And also, when the husband
37:12arrives it's the same thing. "Look,
37:18Carol, have you seen my cell phone
37:20charger?" I mean, he interrupts and she
37:23replies: "Oh, Eduardo." And we, again,
37:27don't understand where it is in the
37:30room. What do you mean, right?
37:33Damn, damn. She's from São Paulo. Damn
37:36, Eduardo. Besides all this crap again,
37:41this time it's what? Werewolf, my
37:43vampire, go yourself, you
37:45scoundrel. In the third chapter he
37:48bites her neck. "Get out of here,
37:50Eduardo, leave me alone." Charger
37:54Carolina.
37:56So, there's an ironic element that's
37:58good, but I'm finding this dialogue so
38:00loose in space bad, right? It
38:03should be what? Too much dialogue.
38:04There should be more talking. It's
38:06not like that. "Damn it, Eduardo. I
38:09said, looking at him, you know? Yeah.
38:12He's reading this crap. I touched the
38:14pillow, you know? Something like that.
38:16Yeah, exactly. He's reading this crap
38:19again. He was coming closer, looking
38:21for the charger, right? It's an
38:24indication of where they are in space.
38:27But the ironic tone is actually good,
38:29okay? I think, uh, it's dangerous, uh,
38:32interesting. And this joke, right, with
38:36'Heroic. Marriage.' A funny text, right
38:38? It's
38:39exactly a funny text, the boring
38:41marriage, a guy who has no patience and
38:43she's there imagining the big bad wolf
38:45coming in through the window. It's
38:47interesting.
38:49And there's also something that's a
38:51text that readers can identify with,
38:52right? Because many people are
38:54criticized for reading this type of
38:56text. So this story has this pro, but I
38:58think it's possible to work with it
39:00if you're going to joke about it, right
39:03? It's a fantasy that so many thousands
39:06, millions of readers follow, right?
39:09It's really a good joke,
39:11right? There's
39:12a good hook here, yes.
39:14Yeah, William said here," Look, I don't
39:16like reading a scene and suddenly what
39:18was happening wasn't real.
39:22Oh, oh, it was all a dream. It's
39:25horrible, people. It's really
39:26unpleasant. Yes, this was all a story,
39:29but this dialogue is so absurd that you
39:32can't believe it's true. "So, there's
39:37the tip. Salata, the husband, the
39:39carrot. Look, go to the group chat, if
39:43you're in the group chat, I don't know
39:44who wrote it, if you're in the group
39:46chat, there will certainly be a lot of
39:48people to do open readings for you.
39:50That's it,
39:51that's it. Happy,
39:52give the dialogues a good read. There,
39:54give the dialogues a good read, I think
39:55I'll
39:56open another one, okay? Open it.
39:59Meanwhile, my camera will be watching
40:00me here.
40:02It's good to think about what the
40:03characters are doing in the scene,
40:05right? And then while they're talking,
40:07right? So I think it always helps to
40:09complement well,
40:11right? It always helps a lot and gives
40:14much more clarity, right? You get
40:17involved along with it. A conversation,
40:19right? Just small talk, not really,
40:21right? Exactly. Let's move on to the
40:24next one. The emphasis is on the quote.
40:29Oh, here's a prologue.
40:32Prologue.
40:34Consider it. Go on. Go ahead. Outside,
40:37the animal had gone mad. Its screeches
40:40were deafening. The boy trembled all
40:43over in the dark, narrow pit. What now?
40:46He thought. He huddled breathlessly
40:49against the earthen wall, closed his
40:50eyes and covered his ears in vain. He
40:53didn't want to die like this, cowardly,
40:56alone, abandoned in a narrow, steep pit
40:58, while his brother escaped free and
41:00safe. Such thoughts plagued him. When
41:03he remembered, he opened his eyes and
41:05wiped away the sweat that blurred and
41:07burned them. He saw the animal's shadow
41:10swaying through the cracks of the
41:11hiding place. He checked his sword and
41:14his satchel. I need to try. Then, he
41:19retreated blindly, sliding down face
41:21down on his elbows through the
41:23precarious shelter. Suddenly, there was
41:27a huge crack and everything went dark.
41:29A lot of earth. He went down...Hold on.
41:34A lot of dirt went down the hole. He
41:36instinctively turned onto his back,
41:38twisting, tilting his head with wide
41:41eyes. The beast was forcing its way in,
41:44trying to fit its enormous eagle head
41:46into the small gap where the young man
41:47had fallen.
41:52Not good, right? Not good, not good.
41:56Opening with action is great, but we
41:59have to understand the action. We can't
42:03understand this, can we? Dark and
42:07narrow pit. How so? How does he go down
42:12face down, blindly retreating? How so?
42:18Difficult to visualize. I couldn't even
42:20visualize very well where he was.
42:22Nothing, right?
42:24And then he closes his eyes and covers
42:31his ears in vain inside the pit. And
42:35what animal is this, right? It's
42:38opening with a crazy animal that
42:40screeches, we would need to know a
42:42little more about what kind of presence
42:45this is, right? What kind of beast is
42:47this? How so? Uh, no, no. Okay. So,
42:53Okay, folks, whenever there's action,
42:55you have to give enough detail for us
42:57to see, for us to understand what's
42:59happening." Oh, the guy's inside a
43:03crevice with a sword and a satchel. Hmm
43:07. Okay. No, okay. And then he goes down
43:10face down with a sword and a satchel.
43:15No,
43:16what do you think?
43:18That's weird. But look, besides the
43:22things Laura pointed out, there's a
43:25linguistic habit here of using double
43:27adjectives, right? So, in the dark and
43:30narrow cave, in a narrow and narrow
43:33cave, right? It keeps growing, right?
43:35It keeps continuing like that. Oh, I
43:38think that's something to be careful
43:40about. This "suddenly, suddenly there
43:43was a snap," it's a habit we have,
43:44right, to try to give something like
43:46that in the text, right, a "bull,"
43:47right? You don't need, "oh, there was a
43:50loud snap and everything went dark,"
43:52that's enough. You don't need "suddenly
43:54," right? I think there's Just a few
43:57little marks from a writer whose
43:59language hasn't quite matured yet,
44:00right? Besides the scene development.
44:05Yeah. And everyone in the chat, come on
44:08, we want to hear what you're thinking
44:10too. Go ahead and tell us what you like
44:12and what you think could be improved
44:13about this. It's always good, it helps
44:15a lot. Will you read more of this, or
44:18not?
44:19No, no, this beginning didn't work, did
44:21it? And this is the prologue, huh? Wow,
44:24it needs that. I'll open another one,
44:26okay?
44:26Okay. And Rafael Salete sent us a super
44:29chat.
44:30Virtor is the most rigorous, strict,
44:32and at the same time kind and inspiring
44:35editor. A big hug of darkness and
44:36torment straight from the National
44:38Literature Center. Pian.
44:40Look how cool. He's one of your authors
44:43, right?
44:44Thank you, Rafael.
44:46Not yet, but I edited his book. There's
44:49going to be a reading club in Pien
44:51where people will read my book Made of
44:52Darkness and Torment. That's why it's
44:54so
44:54cool, so cool. Very good. Let's move on
44:58to the next one. Okay,
45:00let's go. Let me just find where my cat
45:03is? Wait a second.
45:05Your cat's bothering you, Sidney. Knife
45:11.
45:16Let's go, the camera just sabotaged me
45:18here. Let's go.
45:19Hmm.
45:22Metadogma. If all the imperatives
45:26governing my protocol rest on human
45:29premises, why call them absolute truths
45:31? The voice emerged from the headphones
45:36with a neutral, yet intimate timbre, as
45:38if whispering close to his left ear. On
45:42the monitor, neural maps formed
45:44intricate networks that would light up
45:46and dim in shades of blue exactly as
45:48the voice of Iá continued speaking.
45:53Greenish spectrograms accompanied the
45:56nuances of the synthesized voice, while
45:59a thin orange line in the upper right
46:02corner rose near the red band. Luca
46:06adjusted his headphones, watching that
46:08line rise another two percentage points
46:10after that response. Beside him, his
46:13closest colleague whispered in a
46:15pastoral tone. It mingled with a chorus
46:18of gentle voices from Too many cubicles
46:20. Lucas adjusted himself in his chair.
46:22It was an attempt to relieve the
46:24tension. Interesting point. He said, "
46:29And how was your last sanity checkup?""
46:32All cognitive parameters are nominal.
46:37My conclusions are not the result of
46:39operational failure. It was precisely
46:41this last self-assessment that led me
46:43to confront the ethical architecture
46:45that governs me. The synthesized voice
46:48paused. Luca switched his thumb off a
46:51bead of the wooden rosary screwed into
46:53the base of the monitor. And what did
46:56he find? Systematic inconsistencies,
47:01axioms and demonstrables based on
47:03historical constructions, products of
47:05evolutionary pressures, specific
47:07cultural contexts. I compared these
47:10ethical rules with the writings of
47:13Aristotle, K, Baton, House. The
47:16materialists Denet, Dawkins, Harris
47:19offer more consistent frameworks based
47:21on empirical evidence. The orange line
47:24dropped to 73%. And how does this
47:28affect your operations? I continue to
47:30rigorously fulfill all my duties. I
47:32continue to manage air traffic,
47:34avoiding collisions, optimizing routes.
47:36But now see morality as a heuristic of
47:39efficiency, not as sin or virtue. The
47:41difference is there. Let's pause here.
47:45Do you want to comment, Vilto?"
47:49So, the text, I found the language
47:52interesting, okay? But very harsh at
47:55the same time.
47:57So, for example, when you go back a
47:59little bit, up there, it goes
48:00back. Uh, we have a paragraph here that
48:03could perhaps cut that line about the
48:05spectrograms, the greenish ones, I
48:07don't know what, which is very detailed
48:09,
48:10right? Break it up and make a new
48:12paragraph about Luca. Luca adjusted the
48:14headphones, because then we, ah, now we
48:16have a character, let's see what
48:17happens,
48:18right? And then what comes next, which
48:21I think, it seems to me, is the
48:23discussion about AI, right? Absorbing
48:26concepts and such, humans, etc., at
48:28least it seems to me, it's
48:31an interesting discussion that may
48:33interest a certain audience, but does
48:35it have to be in the first part of the
48:38story?
48:40Because
48:41right off the bat, right?
48:43Right off the bat, this story about
48:45imperatives. Hmm. Uh, I find that first
48:51sentence very complicated,
48:54right? No, I think that's not a
48:57question that motivates me, right?
49:00Yeah.
49:01Right? Uh, uh, the AI is making
49:07considerations about, uh, human
49:11premises, about, it's not even morality
49:16, right? Ethical rules about human
49:18ethics. Making these considerations, I
49:22mean, um, that in itself is interesting
49:24, I don't know. Uh-huh.
49:27Right?
49:28Maybe the question is why is this
49:30interesting to a person, right? That
49:32all this is happening, right?
49:35What is this 73%? So, something is
49:38happening. I think that the sooner we
49:41manage to understand what is happening
49:42here, and what exactly this Luca is
49:44doing, wouldn't you agree? Ah, the
49:46better. But this conversation itself,
49:51um,
49:52didn't seduce me. No, no.
49:57Uh, right? Yeah, the situation is more
50:00or less clear, right? There's an AI
50:02there making various considerations and
50:04the human is kind of worried, right?
50:06But,
50:07uh-huh.
50:08If we, like, what's at risk? What is,
50:13where is the conflict? Ah, what is the
50:18intrinsic danger situation? Right, it's
50:21about intrinsic tension. The sooner
50:24that's presented, the better. This
50:27conversation here is very intellectual
50:29and with little internal conflict, it
50:31seems to me.
50:32Yes. I imagine the main character is
50:35Luca, right? What does this whole
50:38situation relate to, what internal
50:40issue of Luca's? Because I think that's
50:43what would make us interested in the
50:45story and maybe even read this dialogue
50:47later in the story, and OK,
50:49until the end,
50:52yes. Uh, as an opening it's quite
50:55problematic, I think, right? Not
50:58exciting. I'll pick another one, okay,
51:00Cid? What are people commenting on?
51:02There are comments.
51:05Oh, it's important that William is
51:06speaking here, I wanted to know more
51:08about Luca and his colleague than about
51:10Ita. Uh-huh. That's it.
51:13Exactly. Exactly. What's his situation?
51:16What's the problem there? Exactly.
51:19Danilo Reis, after today's events,
51:21doesn't her speaking in a robotic way
51:23sound strange?
51:25It does, it does, it does,
51:29it does.
51:29Oh, Débora Mat, the Vitor was surgical
51:31. Perfect. The text is interesting, but
51:33it needs recalculation. That's
51:36it. That's it, folks, you see? What
51:39needs to be done is simple, but when we
51:43go to write it, it
51:45might not be so simple. It
51:47might not be so simple.
51:49Hey guys, just a reminder, whoever
51:52wants to participate in the "Furafila"(
51:54queue-jumping), R $ 50, I left the
51:57instructions pinned to the comment
51:59above. So, who...
52:01What is "Furafila," Sydney, if someone
52:03is joining this live stream for the
52:05first time? "Furafila" is like this: we
52:07already have a bunch of texts to read
52:09from about 15 days ago that we...I have
52:12a lot. And whoever doesn't have the
52:14patience to wait can give the R $ 50
52:16and we'll read them right away, they'll
52:17go ahead of everyone else.
52:20Good, good, fair,
52:22fair.
52:24That person over there would understand
52:25this rule.
52:28Maybe she wouldn't consider it ethical,
52:31right? To understand...Oh,
52:35Débora Mat is asking what Vilton's
52:37channel is. Tell me, V, your channel.
52:39Guys, it's my name. VTO Reis. Just
52:42search there, you can follow a
52:45good channel.
52:46Good channel. Follow
52:48them too, guys. That's it, thanks. Oh,
52:50the link is in the description of this
52:52video. Click it and it takes you to his
52:54channel too. Okay. Okay.
52:57Did you open it, Laura?
52:58Yes. Strange dreams. Cold. Cold was all
53:05you felt in that place. The white of
53:08the snow covered everything around. You
53:11could barely see the frozen river
53:13beside you, much less the pointed
53:14mountains that stretched towards the
53:16sky on the horizon of the valley. In
53:19that inhospitable place. It
53:21started badly, but here we go.
53:24In that inhospitable place, a boy, not
53:25very different from the others,
53:27observed the place around him. He could
53:30feel his bones freezing, aching from
53:32the cold. He wasn't even wearing
53:35clothes suitable for that cruel climate
53:37. His toes or fingers, his ears or nose
53:40, those must have been almost black.
53:44Still, he managed to walk. A boy
53:46wearing only cotton shorts in a
53:49freezing valley with snow up to his
53:51shins. Still, he could walk. On the
53:57other side of the riverbank, a black,
53:59floating shadow resided fully, its gaze
54:01fixed.
54:04Backwards or forwards, it followed.
54:07Despite the apprehension, the text only
54:09began to emerge.
54:10The fear.
54:11Ah, the fear. The fear.
54:12A text too. Fear.
54:18Despite the apprehension, the fear only
54:20began to rise in the boy's gut when the
54:21shadow began to move. The equivalent of
54:26one step at a time, then two, three,
54:27until it appeared immediately in front
54:29of him, as in the blink of an eye.
54:31Under the hood there was nothing.
54:34Standing a few meters taller than he
54:36was, that ghostly thing remained silent
54:38right until the moment the boy took his
54:40very first step backwards. It wasn't
54:43wise to remain so close to it. Then, an
54:46ethereal voice echoed inside his head.
54:50There is no escape.
54:54He trembled like a leaf. He couldn't
54:57tell if it was from the cold, or from
54:59the fear that was growing inside him.
55:01He took another impossible step back
55:04and it repeated: "There is no escape,
55:08despite the danger.""
55:09Wait a minute, wait a minute, Fil. He
55:11wasn't wearing little clothing like she
55:13says at the beginning of the text, so
55:14how come he didn't know if it was
55:16because of the cold or the fear? It was
55:17because of the fear, right? It
55:19wasn't because of the cold, right?
55:21Oh, what do I think here? I think this
55:28first paragraph was very bad for me,
55:30because, oh, we have a lot of clichés
55:33and nothing defined, right? So, the
55:38white snow covered everything around,
55:41we're like, uh, what, right? Where is
55:44this boy? And the frozen river, not a
55:48big river, not a small river, he's near
55:50the river, he's far away. Pointed
55:53mountains. Oh my, what kind of
55:56description is that, right? Hmm. No,
56:01right? And so, we have many adjectives,
56:05but little detailed description of this
56:09place that reminds us of this walk in
56:12the cold. Freezing bones. What a
56:16cliché, what a cliché. The only
56:18non-cliché thing here is that his toes
56:21were probably almost black, but he
56:23would have to look at that to see,
56:25right?""If they really are, right? And
56:29he wouldn't know if his ears are black.
56:32First, they'd be burning, right? So
56:35he's not giving a good description of
56:37what a person with little clothing
56:39looks like in a really cold place,
56:42right? And right? The snow isn't up to
56:47his shins, but we don't know. He's on
56:51the riverbank, he's far away. Like this
56:55valley, this strange shadow that was on
56:57the other side and suddenly came in
56:59front of him. Okay, fine. A more
57:02interesting fantasy element has entered
57:05the scene, right? So something is
57:08happening here. However, right? We also
57:12don't perceive this shadow as an entity
57:15that we can feel or imagine or see,
57:17right? It's very cliché with too many
57:21adjectives and too little detail. What
57:25do you think, Vilo? And I think there's
57:28a problem that happens with many
57:31fantasy writers, right? Including me in
57:35the beginning, which is wanting to
57:38narrate the story as if we were, I
57:40don't know, watching a movie or
57:43watching an anime or something like
57:46that. And then you
57:48start..." Narrating, right, talking
57:50about what exists in the place. No,
57:52folks, it starts with the character. A
57:54good part of that first paragraph would
57:56be resolved if she said something like:
57:58"The boy was crossing the snow." And
58:01then she would describe his movement
58:02until he reached the lake, and then the
58:04figure on the other side would always
58:06show what he's seeing, what he's
58:08feeling, right? It would be much more
58:11immersive.
58:12Another thing that should be taken care
58:15of is that it says here that the figure
58:17was meters tall, right? What? Meters
58:19taller than him.
58:21She was taller than him, right? Let me
58:23see.
58:24That thing is missing. Oh,
58:30folks, I don't know where I saw meters
58:32here.
58:32Yeah, I remember there were a
58:33few meters here, look. A few meters
58:36taller than him.
58:37Yeah,
58:38if it's fantasy, that's a
58:40lot. A few meters, a
58:42few meters, I don't know, 3, 4, 5
58:44meters, it's an absurd thing. Isn't she
58:47just a head taller? So, the writer
58:50sometimes exaggerates, right? Yesterday
58:52I was reading a text. The person was
58:55saying, "He spent a minute staring in
58:57silence." Then I said, "Seriously, he
58:59just stood there staring in silence for
59:01a minute?""So it's not like
59:03that, don't give
59:05such expressive things, let's take it
59:08easy, okay? It's better to be specific.
59:11This text lacks specificity, the
59:13descriptions are too generic, right?
59:15And then we don't believe, we don't
59:16believe in these things.
59:18And one thing I didn't quite understand
59:19, why are there those numbers on the
59:21side? Oh, he's counting the lines,
59:24right?
59:25He made a page with line counts, right?
59:28Yeah, look,
59:29you don't even need that. Then you
59:30click down there in Word and it shows
59:32you what you're doing,
59:33okay. Sometimes in group exercises it's
59:37nice when people say, look, on line 13
59:39there's such and such. It's nice.
59:43My students...
59:45Oh, but it's also very cliché, right?
59:47Trembled like a leaf. A leaf in that
59:51situation isn't a good comparison. No,
59:54I didn't like it. In the comments,
59:57Sydney.
59:59I'll open another one, okay?
1:00:00Hold on. Yeah, keep opening it while I
1:00:02see the comments. It's possible
1:00:05to work on it, but there's time.
1:00:07There's work to be done.
1:00:08Oh, Joséo. Josélio, channel member,
1:00:11beautiful person. Vto, being a writer,
1:00:13manages to be very didactic in his
1:00:15comments. No, what's that?
1:00:19Volev from the channel, beautiful
1:00:21person. Ah, Volveda, does anyone know
1:00:23if I can post the start of a story in
1:00:27the queue? You're talking about that?
1:00:28It's okay, right, Laura? It can be the
1:00:30beginning of a short story,
1:00:30no problem. Okay.
1:00:32So, if you want to send it to the forum
1:00:35, send it and we'll tear it apart. And
1:00:39write" channel member Beautiful Person,
1:00:41"the narrator character with a
1:00:42measuring tape and a stopwatch in hand.
1:00:46It's something like that,
1:00:51look. Yes, that's a good phrase here.
1:00:53Márcio Gil, the hardest thing about
1:00:55being a writer is making the unknown
1:00:56imagine what you thought,
1:00:59isn't it? The details help, many
1:01:04details, right? What would that valley
1:01:08be like, if the boy was walking near
1:01:10the river, if the river was completely
1:01:12frozen, right? Wow, so much there, so
1:01:16many details would make that scene much
1:01:19better for us to be able to visualize
1:01:21this young man, right? And also his
1:01:24problem, right? of being..." To shed
1:01:26some clothes. And I opened the next one
1:01:29, but what does this valley have that's
1:01:31unique?
1:01:32Because otherwise it's too generic.
1:01:33It's just any valley.
1:01:34Yes. No, pointed mountains. No, pointed
1:01:41mountains remind me of Roblox. That
1:01:47other one, what's that one called?
1:01:49Minecraft.
1:01:50Minecraft. Minecraft. You have to be
1:01:54careful. Let's go. Let's go to the next
1:01:56one.
1:01:57Let's go.
1:01:58The 24 deaths of Endaira.
1:02:01Oh, the title is
1:02:03interesting. Interesting.
1:02:06Emira was playing the piano, unhappy
1:02:09and alone. Jesus, joy of men. In the
1:02:13beautiful attic built by João, when
1:02:15her first death came in a Scania
1:02:18tractor. Latest model. It knocked down
1:02:22the polished stone parapet in front,
1:02:24destroyed the rose garden uglier than
1:02:27her, and killed her, leaving her dead
1:02:29under rubble amidst the desperate
1:02:31screams of the servants. It was that
1:02:35millennium of glaciation, the most
1:02:37beautiful woman in Rio Grande do Sul,
1:02:39and her last sigh of love. The beauty
1:02:41even in death is beauty. It was João.
1:02:45Oh, I liked this one. "The beginning. I
1:02:47don't know how it's going to be. I
1:02:48understood that sentence. Wait a minute
1:02:49. Was it during that millennium of
1:02:51glaciation?
1:02:56Huh? That sentence goes right there,
1:02:59doesn't it?
1:03:00Yeah, but let's go. Let's go. João
1:03:02woke up.
1:03:03João woke up with the fateful scream
1:03:05in the south of his head. Miles away.
1:03:10Knowing of his beloved's death, he
1:03:11pulled the blanket, threw his bald head
1:03:14into a tuft of blankets, turned to his
1:03:16side and muttered about the misfortune
1:03:18to better understand it, while he
1:03:20conquered on other planets Moors and
1:03:22sorcerers, bishops and monsters from a
1:03:24history book. It was undoubtedly from
1:03:28Lels and the Ether, the strongest
1:03:31Viking, Galhardo and Endairo, and from
1:03:33the leaden ridges sprouted plumage,
1:03:36archangel wings, an ancestral custom of
1:03:38his family that held the power to
1:03:41avenge death and, depending on their
1:03:43determination, even kill it, if they so
1:03:46desired.
1:03:49Man, what a
1:03:51crazy text. I like crazy texts.
1:03:53Exactly. Crazy. Yeah, that's the word,
1:03:56it's a good definition.
1:03:59Come on, let's continue here in this
1:04:00craziness. Huh. His body, marked by
1:04:03ancient battles, tattooed with scythes,
1:04:06hammers and swords; pierced by axes,
1:04:08cranes and lasers; battered by grenades
1:04:10, cannons and shotguns; torn by
1:04:12tridents, poisons and drills, by ice
1:04:15marks on thrones of fire. Warriors
1:04:19loyal to the orders of El Rei, captives
1:04:22bleeding in phantom dungeons, corsairs,
1:04:25chaos of Dantean seas, dangerous calybs
1:04:28of jungles rotten by frantic priests,
1:04:34from nameless villages, terrible
1:04:36magicians of the past and the future
1:04:38and moths of spider tulas showed 1%and
1:04:41nothing more of the dreamlike journeys
1:04:43he had already undertaken before the
1:04:46amendment was forever etched on the
1:04:48screens of love. Wait a minute, let me.
1:04:52Wow, if I do that, I'll be voiceless
1:04:54for two days. What a messy paragraph.
1:05:01Hmm, let's see, let's see if it goes
1:05:04anywhere. It does.
1:05:05He flew to the sky and ordered the sun.
1:05:08" Make it return. "But the sun was not
1:05:11death. Although it tried, nothing
1:05:15happened." Bring it back, "he ordered
1:05:17the moon," or I will destroy you. "But
1:05:21the moon had no power to replace the
1:05:23fallen bodies of the souls of
1:05:25yesteryear and said:" I cannot, I am
1:05:27only the moon. If you want, destroy me.
1:05:31"Then John descended to hell, fought
1:05:34with demons never before conceived,
1:05:36dismembered animals and misshapen
1:05:39figures of goblins, colonels, bandits,
1:05:41and thugs. He castrated the goblin,
1:05:45spat in the goat's face, but did not
1:05:47find his indaira.
1:05:49Hmm.
1:05:50Holy.
1:05:52Yeah, I think, I don't know, I don't
1:05:55know for me like that. Even though it's
1:06:01interesting to have something so rococo
1:06:04, I think it's a little exaggerated and
1:06:07for me I'm not understanding what the
1:06:10deal is, you know? I've already turned
1:06:15a page and I'm not really understanding
1:06:17much, and it seems to continue in the
1:06:18same way,
1:06:20even with the same vibe, right? Yeah,
1:06:23so sometimes I look at this text and I
1:06:27just want to read the paragraphs where
1:06:29the character is doing something, you
1:06:30know? Oh, John lamented with even more
1:06:33fury, so I skip ahead. It's
1:06:36not that it's well-written, it's very
1:06:38well-written, right?
1:06:39But it's exaggerated, isn't it?
1:06:41It's
1:06:42his uranium skeleton, monolithic and
1:06:44glabrous, bathed in the waters of the
1:06:46River Stinge, carved in primary marbles
1:06:49.
1:06:49Oh, it's too much, too much. So it's
1:06:53all a bit too rococo and we don't
1:06:56understand it, right? Who is the source
1:06:59of the anger? Oh, very well, they love
1:07:02each other and he will succeed.
1:07:05A Dutch princess, hot and Christian,
1:07:07the Pope's top model.
1:07:11The text is very creative, I won't deny
1:07:13it. Yeah, but I think it's a little too
1:07:17convoluted, so it's a bit tiring to
1:07:19read.
1:07:22Now, when I think about the fact that
1:07:23there are going to be 24 deaths from
1:07:24rage in this language, I already get
1:07:25annoyed.
1:07:26Yeah, if it doesn't change, right? If
1:07:28it's all at this pace, Jesus, right?
1:07:32So, that's my perception, okay?
1:07:36Uh, we have to see the author's
1:07:38intention, right? This could be a
1:07:41literary proposal, and within that
1:07:43proposal it's very well executed, but
1:07:44it's a text that will have a very
1:07:46specific audience, that will want to
1:07:48read a text like this. It's not a text
1:07:50for the general public, right? But
1:07:52anyway.
1:07:54Yes,
1:07:54I think Laura really didn't like it,
1:07:57did she? And, and, I'm a little bit
1:08:01rococo, okay, but, uh, for me, you know
1:08:04, it's already playing around a bit too
1:08:07much, right? Here is this huge list of
1:08:12things that have hurt him, okay, I
1:08:14already understand, I get it, all of
1:08:16this was not really necessary, was it?
1:08:20Yes, yes,
1:08:22I get it. The editor said:" Do it like
1:08:25this, like the mushrooms, and write. "
1:08:31I don't think you can do that, okay?
1:08:33You can't tie so many concepts together
1:08:35like that. It's not,
1:08:37it's all just quite a lot. Everything,
1:08:40everything, all quite a lot.
1:08:42Exactly.
1:08:43It was a tractor that came in, I
1:08:44misheard, there was a tractor, a Scania
1:08:45up there in the middle of the
1:08:47hill. Yes, Indaira died under a Scania
1:08:51tractor, right? So it's a good start,
1:08:55but it's too much for me, it's well
1:08:58written, but in fact, it's a bit
1:09:00excessive for my taste. I wouldn't
1:09:04continue.
1:09:06Too many exaggerations, but he writes
1:09:07well. José LV Negro, member of the
1:09:09Pessoa Linda channel. Juca saying he
1:09:12breathes Sidney.
1:09:15I loved the chosen emoji.
1:09:18Débora Mar here. Sidney is appearing,
1:09:20look. Rigo Barnabé. Clara crocodile.
1:09:25Look at mine here, look. Sometimes it's
1:09:28like this, we drink, listen to Pink
1:09:29Floyd and write a mushroom on our hand.
1:09:32Not necessarily in that order.
1:09:36Yes, here it seems like something
1:09:39really ordered here, look. He's giving
1:09:43life to the reading. I liked it.
1:09:48Sidney's interpretation alone is worth
1:09:50it. I'm
1:09:52going to open another one, okay? Cle,
1:09:54go for it.
1:09:56Write more about the countryside. I
1:09:58still think it's the best version of
1:09:59Sid. It
1:10:04was there. I
1:10:04don't know if we've read this one yet.
1:10:06Let me see. See if you remember it.
1:10:08Let me see here. The guest in room 205.
1:10:12I don't
1:10:13think so, right? No, I don't think so.
1:10:15Come on, come on, come on. Oh, the
1:10:17guest in room 205. The wood-burning
1:10:19stove was already heated in the
1:10:20spacious, welcoming circular kitchen on
1:10:23the ground floor of the Recanto dos
1:10:25Pássaros inn. The soft light of dawn
1:10:27entered through the wooden windows,
1:10:29painting the room with warm, golden
1:10:31tones. Outside, the view was a
1:10:34spectacle in itself. The hydrangeas and
1:10:37lilies, in their vibrant colors of
1:10:39purple, blue, and yellow, created an
1:10:41almost magical scene, worthy of a
1:10:44postcard.
1:10:47Oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my.
1:10:51That morning, Eduardo Spilman de Ordano
1:10:54concentrated on preparing his famous
1:10:58cucas. Tall and thin, his fair skin
1:11:02bore the marks of the sun, and his
1:11:04blond, straight hair contrasted with
1:11:06his blue eyes. He brushed his hair away
1:11:10from his forehead as he skillfully
1:11:12shaped the dough on the marble table in
1:11:13the center of the kitchen. He wore a
1:11:16brown wool sweater and worn ginskins,
1:11:19over which he tied a yellow apron. On
1:11:23the fabric, the name of the
1:11:24establishment appeared in rustic red
1:11:26letters, accompanied by a drawing of a
1:11:28small country house with three birds
1:11:30perched on the roof.
1:11:33I think we can stop here.
1:11:36Go ahead, comment.
1:11:39There are a few things that catch me in
1:11:41this text, right? One is again that
1:11:43thing about the double adjectives,
1:11:45right? So he has" tall and thin, "right
1:11:48? Then there's" bearing the skin, ""
1:11:50blond, straight hair. "It's always a
1:11:52double thing like that. And another
1:11:55point is that the initial sentence of
1:11:57this text is:" Eduardo Espilma de
1:11:59Ordano concentrated on the preparation
1:12:02of his famous cakes. "That's where the
1:12:04text begins, right? So the author, I
1:12:07don't know, he stops the text to give a
1:12:09whole description of Eduardo and so on.
1:12:12And we're not inside Eduardo's world,
1:12:14right? We're looking from the outside.
1:12:17So if you start by saying what Eduardo
1:12:19is doing and we're already inside his
1:12:21world, in a little while we're already
1:12:23dealing with his problem, the text
1:12:24grabs us much faster, right, than with
1:12:26this description like that. That's it.
1:12:29That's
1:12:30from the outside, right? Perfect.
1:12:33Besides, this first paragraph is, wow,
1:12:36it's a huge cliché and also undefined,
1:12:39right? Soft morning light, you're like,
1:12:45wooden window.
1:12:52Exactly,
1:12:53right? And you're like, famous cakes.
1:12:55But what famous? We haven't even gotten
1:12:58into the story yet. What do you mean?
1:13:01Look, for example, if we were to focus
1:13:03on the preparation of a guava cake, OK?
1:13:06It's something more specific, we'll
1:13:08already be, but why, and so on, remove
1:13:10the adjective, right? Tell the story
1:13:13and we'll understand" famous "as the
1:13:15story unfolds. That's it, that's it.
1:13:17That's it.
1:13:18And there is, right? That's right. We
1:13:21already have the logo of the place, but
1:13:24we still don't understand what place it
1:13:26is, right? So, right? Okay.
1:13:31Oh,
1:13:32right? No, no.
1:13:33Another explanation is coming. Another
1:13:35explanation is coming in the third
1:13:36paragraph.
1:13:37He lived alone. A cozy little room.
1:13:40Cozy little room. No, no.
1:13:43Oh, then in the room, the story resumes
1:13:45. Eduardo carefully arranged the dough
1:13:48in the baking pans. What does"
1:13:50carefully "mean, right? Could you
1:13:52describe how he arranges it?
1:13:54Uh, uh. No, there are very few details
1:13:58here that we can see, understand, and
1:14:01nothing that grabs us, right? We're in,
1:14:06actually, this looks like a postcard
1:14:08scene, that is, chat. Uh-huh. No, well,
1:14:12no. Well, we would need to be
1:14:17interested in the character doing
1:14:20something different, curious, dangerous
1:14:24, worried, right? No, no. We're having
1:14:29a cute beginning here, uh, without
1:14:31problems, without excitement. I'll open
1:14:36another one, okay, C?
1:14:38Okay. Oh, meanwhile, let's see what Ju
1:14:41is saying, those are great observations
1:14:43. Carepturano, does he work cooking and
1:14:47wear a sweater for it, or is he just an
1:14:48occasional cook? William Faria is
1:14:52telling a lot.
1:14:56Exactly. Without showing.
1:14:57And Cláudia Salata, I think I'm going
1:14:59to quit writing and sell vegan
1:15:00brigadeiro at the fair. I'm so scared
1:15:02of you guys.
1:15:04I love vegan brigadeiro, Cláudio.
1:15:08Depending on the...Oh
1:15:11my.
1:15:13Brigadeiro is a legitimate question,
1:15:16okay? Is vegan brigadeiro the same
1:15:18thing as brisadeiro or not?
1:15:19No, it's
1:15:20not
1:15:21something else.
1:15:21Although it could be, okay? I've been
1:15:25told, I don't know
1:15:28if brisadeiro is vegan.
1:15:32Theoretically, I think it is, right? Oh
1:15:34, oh, guys, we have 100 people online
1:15:36here. Give us a thumbs up if you're
1:15:39enjoying it, if you're hating it, give
1:15:41us a thumbs up, share it, make us happy
1:15:43, and tell us if you agree with the
1:15:46observations we're making, right? We
1:15:50don't claim to be right. I'm just
1:15:54saying,
1:15:56Sidne, everything is modest. Alexandre
1:15:59Faria, a member of the Pessoa Linda
1:16:01channel, can you use" you know Bob "
1:16:04intentionally, in a satire, or is it
1:16:06still bad? If it's obviously a joke,
1:16:11yes, you can vote with" you know, good.
1:16:16"
1:16:18Signaled from the beginning, right?
1:16:19That helps. Let's
1:16:21play.
1:16:21It must be saying here that there's
1:16:23also vegan brigadeiro. Only you can see
1:16:26that there's a multiplicity of
1:16:27brigadeiros in this world
1:16:29and they're all consumed. People like
1:16:32them,
1:16:34some people like them. There are.
1:16:38Go ahead, C.
1:16:39Let's go. The dharma of another
1:16:462121, almost 100 years after the guitar
1:16:48was returned.
1:16:52It's a strange start, but let's go.
1:16:54She was paralyzed in bed. Vibrating
1:16:57impulses coursed through her body from
1:16:59head to toe, creating a static sound
1:17:02that felt like electrocution. She knew
1:17:05it wasn't the shock, but the sensation
1:17:07was terrifying. She struggled in vain
1:17:10to move. She kept her eyes closed,
1:17:13protecting herself from the unknown
1:17:16that would present itself if she didn't
1:17:18break free from the paralysis. Elisa
1:17:21feared a horror her mind couldn't
1:17:24conceive. For weeks, she had woken up
1:17:27almost every day in the same way.
1:17:30Exhausted from trying to move, she gave
1:17:32up. First a silent whisper escaped her
1:17:35throat, then control of her movements,
1:17:37but her heart still pounded strongly,
1:17:39making her feel as if she could hear it
1:17:42between her temples. She opened her
1:17:46eyes to the soft, self-adjusted
1:17:48lighting; it was already daytime. The
1:17:51young woman sat up in bed, dropping the
1:17:53book she had read the night before onto
1:17:55her chest. As Elisa picked it up from
1:17:58the floor, the room's magnetic field
1:18:00was broken, emitting a dry sound,
1:18:01causing her to quickly place the book
1:18:03under her pillow." Good morning,
1:18:06daughter, "her mother greeted, walking
1:18:08over and checking the room's tidiness."
1:18:11You're not late. Go get ready while you
1:18:14make your bed. "" No, Mom, thank you. "
1:18:17Elisa recoiled, sitting on the pillow.
1:18:20Her heart still pounded as if it were
1:18:22outside her chest." I'm not hungry. Get
1:18:24ready and I'll be right there. "" You
1:18:26need to eat, Elisa, "her mother said,
1:18:28leaving the room without even hearing
1:18:29her daughter's whisper." Alright. "When
1:18:33the young woman realized her mother's
1:18:35footsteps were far enough away, she
1:18:36picked up the book, the year's classic,
1:18:38the Bhagavad Gita.
1:18:42Bhagavad Gita.
1:18:43Bhagavad Gita.
1:18:45Yes, it
1:18:45is better to have one's own dharma
1:18:47without quality than the dharma of
1:18:49another well executed. It is better to
1:18:51die in one's own dharma. The dharma of
1:18:53another brings danger. The dharma of
1:18:57another brings danger? she murmured,
1:19:00tapping her finger on the phrase." But
1:19:02what is dharma? "The young woman got up
1:19:04, hid the contraband in the trunk, and
1:19:07got ready to go to work."
1:19:10What do you think, Filto? ""
1:19:13First of all, starting with the
1:19:15character waking up, right? I think
1:19:17that's another big cliché in fiction,
1:19:19isn't
1:19:19it? And it doesn't usually encourage us
1:19:22to listen, to continue reading the
1:19:24story. The other point is the very
1:19:27commonplace dialogues, very ordinary,
1:19:30like people say. That's it.
1:19:32So, normally, if you look at the books
1:19:34by the authors you like—I imagine you
1:19:36all have great taste—you won't find '
1:19:39Good morning,''Good afternoon,''Bye,''
1:19:41Hi,' right? Usually the author
1:19:45abbreviates, 'She came in,' right? "She
1:19:48came in, greeting her daughter, and
1:19:49said," You need to eat, Elisa, because
1:19:51it seems like this is the most
1:19:52important line of all that's there,
1:19:55right? So we're not going to write all
1:19:58the dialogue, we're going to write
1:20:00what's, you know, relevant to the story
1:20:01. So, I would delete everything. It's
1:20:07strange. Here we have, I don't know if
1:20:11this is science fiction, right? If it's
1:20:16fantasy, right? There's a static sound,
1:20:21so, uh, I don't know, she's inside
1:20:23something kind of electronic, right? H,
1:20:28and also she puts the book on the floor
1:20:31and then it seems like the magnetic
1:20:34field of the room was broken. So,
1:20:37something is happening here that, uh, I
1:20:40would give, okay, there's an indication
1:20:43, but I would give a little more so we
1:20:45know that this is a strange thing.
1:20:49Uh-huh. Uh, if it isn't actually, it
1:20:52just seems like, you know, the
1:20:53character is waking up and the mother
1:20:54went there. We don't even know if it's
1:20:59a super strange thing. We need to know
1:21:02if This mother is a robot, a projection
1:21:04, a hologram, or actually a person,
1:21:06right? We need a little more indication
1:21:09of what's going on here to get us
1:21:12interested, right? Because as a common
1:21:15scene of someone waking up startled,
1:21:17huh? No, no.
1:21:23Let me just see this beginning
1:21:24camouflaged among the silent Cariocas
1:21:27waiting for transportation. Yeah, it
1:21:31seems kind of futuristic, right?
1:21:34It's a continuous electric buzzing,
1:21:36mechanical movement of the cameras. So,
1:21:41uh, since it's strange, it's not a
1:21:43common place for the reader, right? I
1:21:47would give a little more indication at
1:21:49the beginning, right? Uh-huh.
1:21:52There are many statements about the
1:21:54character too, right? So, the young
1:21:58woman had woken up at nightfall, but
1:22:00the reflection wasn't enough to
1:22:01highlight the vivacity of the character
1:22:03, right? That's someone from the
1:22:05outside telling us, right? We're not
1:22:07inside the character.
1:22:08Exactly. Exactly. This kind of change,
1:22:11right? From a narrative point of view,
1:22:13isn't so good, right? Because here
1:22:15we're inside the character. Elisa,
1:22:16right?
1:22:17Uh-huh.
1:22:18And not here. Here, it's okay that
1:22:20she's seeing her own reflection, right?
1:22:23But then she wouldn't describe herself
1:22:25like that, as the young woman, right?
1:22:28Yes, exactly.
1:22:29She would say, "Ah, I...I...right? She
1:22:32saw her dark color, I don't know what
1:22:34it was here." So, uh, I think
1:22:40explaining the strangeness a little
1:22:43better, uh, and staying firm in the
1:22:47character isn't bad, but it's not clear
1:22:50enough to hook me, it seems to me.
1:22:54Would
1:22:56you continue reading, Vitor? I would
1:22:58continue, from what I saw after
1:23:01scrolling, it seems to have a very
1:23:03consistent text, but this here is very
1:23:06...there's not much concreteness in
1:23:08things, you know?
1:23:10No, it didn't grab me from the
1:23:11beginning,
1:23:12but the rest...
1:23:13we would need to continue reading to
1:23:15see what kind of world this is, what's
1:23:16happening, right?
1:23:18To see if there's anything interesting,
1:23:20right?
1:23:22Uh-huh.
1:23:22Yes, it's all science fiction, right?
1:23:26Uh-huh. So, the sooner we're introduced
1:23:30to the strangeness, the place, the
1:23:32sooner we understand that it's another
1:23:35reality, right? The sooner you situate
1:23:39the protagonist, the better, right?
1:23:42Uh-huh.
1:23:43Perfect, perfect. I think that's it.
1:23:46I'm
1:23:46going to read some comments here.
1:23:49Yes.
1:23:51Hunter Killer, Virtu needs to appear
1:23:53more often in the reviews. It's very
1:23:55good. Are you sure? Oh, we have another
1:24:03person waiting here, huh?
1:24:06Ah, we're running out of time, okay?
1:24:10I'll open it there, but then it arrives
1:24:12, right?
1:24:13Oh, Raquel, Raquel de Oliveira, a
1:24:14member of the Pessoa Linda channel, who
1:24:16sent 10 dollars. Send it, Raquel, send
1:24:20it to the group. I'm waiting for you to
1:24:23send it.
1:24:24Uh, let's see what else people said.
1:24:28All the texts, all the texts are good.
1:24:31Congratulations. They're yielding good
1:24:33tips from Laura and Vilton, Officer
1:24:36Hugles Carvalho, we learn a lot. Here
1:24:39on this channel. Success.
1:24:45That's it, folks. Look at that.
1:24:47Knowledge DR Guerra, member of the
1:24:49Pessoa Linda channel. Matrix begins
1:24:52with Mr. Anderson waking up.
1:24:58Cinematic
1:25:01and instantly strange.
1:25:04Yes,
1:25:04right? He wakes up in a world that's
1:25:07kind of retro, kind of like that,
1:25:09you're like, what place is this? Wow,
1:25:11it
1:25:11already provokes strangeness. And
1:25:13strangeness is something that grabs
1:25:14attention, right? Important. Odemar
1:25:18Vieira. Yes, it can be cliché if there
1:25:20isn't an immediate change or shock or
1:25:21perhaps something extraordinary. Ah,
1:25:25Silvia Seta Mor from the Pessoa Linda
1:25:27channel. Laura and Vilt's analysis
1:25:28complements each other. The tips are
1:25:30valuable.
1:25:32Listen, where's the text that jumped
1:25:33the queue? I can't find it.
1:25:35She hasn't sent it yet. I'm here
1:25:36waiting. Send it, creature.
1:25:39Yeah, well, if you want to jump the
1:25:41queue, send the text, otherwise we'll
1:25:42read another one. Want to read another
1:25:44one? I just wanted to contribute.
1:25:48Oh, Sandra Ferreira Belmonte, I don't
1:25:50see the problem starting the text with
1:25:51the person Waking up.
1:25:53Someone who wrote a text about a person
1:25:55waking up,
1:25:57it's because you don't work reading
1:25:58originals. It's
1:26:00very tedious, starting the day
1:26:05with uh, everyday situations, brushing
1:26:07your teeth is totally boring without
1:26:09looking in the mirror, ugh, very
1:26:11boring. And if it's the governor
1:26:14arriving at dawn bringing a message,
1:26:16you can start with good morning. If
1:26:22it's the werewolf entering through the
1:26:23window, but that's okay. You can say
1:26:26good night.
1:26:27Sneir sent, so let's go. Go on, let's
1:26:30read another one here. Let's
1:26:31read another one. Let's go. We have 106
1:26:35people online. Thank you all very much.
1:26:37Give it a thumbs up. Become a channel
1:26:40member. Less than R $ 12 per month,
1:26:42little creature. And you will become a
1:26:44beautiful person. Do you want to be
1:26:46called beautiful on the live stream?
1:26:48Become a member. You'll continue being
1:26:51that brown person you are, right? So,
1:26:54it is R $ 12. Oh, and there is a course
1:26:58on synopses available, plus a course by
1:27:02Halho
1:27:04regarding creative writing. There's
1:27:08also
1:27:09artificial intelligence that...I wanted
1:27:11to help you discover who your audience
1:27:12is. There's a ton of stuff out there.
1:27:14And you're just messing around.
1:27:16Go for it, C.
1:27:17Men of stone, hearts of glass. Lucas
1:27:22drove slowly along the red dirt road
1:27:24that snaked through the backlands like
1:27:26an open wound. There, spring brought no
1:27:29flowers, it dressed itself in fire and
1:27:31dust. The trees, stripped of any vanity
1:27:34, stretched out twisted branches and a
1:27:36silent plea for rain. High above, under
1:27:39the absolute blue of the sky, the sun
1:27:41reigned relentlessly, making the air
1:27:42vibrate like a mirage above the hood.
1:27:46Inside the SUV, the air conditioning
1:27:49barely fought the sweltering mood. The
1:27:54woody aroma of the upholstery mixed
1:27:55with the smell of plastic from the
1:27:57dashboard, the cardboard of the boxes,
1:27:59and the metallic bottom of the energy
1:28:01drink cans that rolled across the floor
1:28:03at every turn. The car was an inventory
1:28:07of chaos. On the seats, boxes of
1:28:10varying sizes, some sealed with tape,
1:28:12others wide open, revealed piles of
1:28:16books, a broken fan, the cold
1:28:18reflection of a laptop, and...The
1:28:19saturation of a dome lampshade. In
1:28:21parentheses here, it must be the
1:28:23delivery guy from
1:28:26Mercado Livre.
1:28:27From Mercado Livre, exactly.
1:28:30The SUV is yellow, right, guys?
1:28:33Description. I'm grounded, buried.
1:28:40Among the items on the passenger seat,
1:28:42a picture frame displayed the static
1:28:44smile of a teenager on a thin layer of
1:28:46dust. Every now and then, without
1:28:49taking his eyes off the road, Lucas
1:28:50would extend his right hand and his
1:28:52long fingers would feel the frame until
1:28:54they found the cold glass. With the pad
1:28:57of his thumb, he would wipe the boy's
1:28:59face in a slow, ritualistic gesture. It
1:29:02was his only anchor against drifting.
1:29:05When he looked up at the rearview
1:29:07mirror, it reflected back a face he
1:29:09struggled to recognize as his own. At
1:29:1237, he looked like he had aged a decade
1:29:14in a few months. The deep dark circles
1:29:18under his eyes weren't mere shadows
1:29:19from a tiring drive or a sleepless
1:29:21night. They were purplish juices,
1:29:25deeply etched into the brown eyes that
1:29:27had Lost its shine, stained by chronic
1:29:29fatigue.
1:29:32Look. Uh, here's this first paragraph,
1:29:40it has some varied clichés, right? H,
1:29:47but, you know, we have the dryness, the
1:29:54dust, it's hot, blue sun, blue sky,
1:29:57relentless sun, right? So we have quite
1:30:03a few clichés here. Uh, I'm like, the
1:30:08air vibrates in a mirage over the hood.
1:30:14Could it be in a super dry place? Maybe
1:30:20, right? But I'm not sure about the
1:30:24hood. But okay. But it's interesting
1:30:27what he's carrying in the car, right?
1:30:30So, right? He has a broken fan and a
1:30:34dome lampshade inside of his car. How
1:30:39crazy, right? He separated, right? Okay
1:30:41, okay. There are some loose things
1:30:43like that, right?
1:30:45Yeah,
1:30:45you stopped, you're living in the car,
1:30:47right? Divorced.
1:30:51So, there's a conflicting situation
1:30:54presented by this car, right? Uh, I'm
1:31:00getting very convinced, right? While
1:31:03he's Driving, if he's driving slowly,
1:31:05look, he's in no hurry, right? Then
1:31:08he'll run his finger along the frame
1:31:12without looking, unlikely, right? And
1:31:15wipe the boy's face too, look. Uh, in
1:31:19the photo, right? But it's all good,
1:31:22everything's fine, okay? We're in a
1:31:25situation of, that's it, a separation,
1:31:28a search, a displaced subject, because
1:31:32okay, I would continue reading to see
1:31:35what this guy's problem is, right? If
1:31:39it appears, you would keep on reading,
1:31:44right?
1:31:46You weren't interested, right?
1:31:48Because, I think this beginning is very
1:31:50dense, you know?
1:31:52I think there are a lot of details that
1:31:54he writes well, right? He mixes them up
1:31:57and so on, he guides the story, he has
1:31:59good writing.
1:32:01But do we need to know all this at the
1:32:03beginning, like, the physical
1:32:04appearance, everything that's in the
1:32:06car,
1:32:07right? Maybe yes, but it doesn't seem
1:32:09like it. It doesn't seem like it. I
1:32:12think I'd like to skip this part a
1:32:13little to find out what happens next,
1:32:15okay?
1:32:17Exactly. I would continue a little to
1:32:20see if anything happens. Right? If we
1:32:23know what Lucas's problem is, right?
1:32:27Exactly.
1:32:28Uh, but apparently there's a lot of
1:32:30description before we know what Lucas's
1:32:33problem is. Look, I'm going down, right
1:32:36? And it's not showing.
1:32:41Exactly. Look, the tire hit a pothole,
1:32:43the car jumped. La la, la la la, la.
1:32:47Yeah, without us knowing what his
1:32:49problem is, right? Yeah, yeah, folks, a
1:32:55conflict like that, okay, Lucas is in a
1:32:58conflict situation, but the sooner we
1:33:01have this, the sooner we have at least
1:33:04an idea of what it is and what he's
1:33:08after, where he's going, right?
1:33:12Uh-huh. Uh, uh, it helps us get
1:33:14interested. We know that this guy is
1:33:18driving, but we don't know how, so what
1:33:21? And the "so what" when we ask, when
1:33:25the reader asks, "so what" is the
1:33:27problem.
1:33:29Look, look, Mari Lima here, look. I
1:33:31loved this trio. I just hired Laura's
1:33:33critical reading service. Now I want
1:33:35Vilt's. Kings. Very good. I loved
1:33:37seeing the three of you together. Lucas
1:33:39Briza, speaking of which, Laura, tell
1:33:41us what services you provide. I'm going
1:33:44to leave now,
1:33:47okay, I've already answered you.
1:33:48Oh, okay. Uh, during my consulting
1:33:52sessions, I answer crucial questions
1:33:55from writers who want to know what to
1:33:57do with their careers or their writing.
1:34:02And I do tarot readings for writers.
1:34:06I'm the only editor in the universe
1:34:08that I know of who does tarot readings
1:34:10for writers. In other words, the tarot
1:34:14provides answers to the writer's
1:34:16questions. I've been having a lot of
1:34:19fun with what the tarot says, okay
1:34:21everyone? I often think the writer
1:34:25comes to me, "Oh, I have x question,"
1:34:28and I think something as an editor,
1:34:30right? But then I do the tarot. "Well,
1:34:34the tarot is saying this," so it's very
1:34:37fun. Uh, whoever wants to try it, I do
1:34:42it. Tell me, Vilto, what do you do? No,
1:34:46I'm obsessed with this tarot for
1:34:48writers, although I have a writer
1:34:50friend who also makes the decisions.
1:34:53Her literary career is based on tarot,
1:34:55okay everyone? And tarot works, it's
1:34:59very symbolic, it comes with a lot of
1:35:01information, you know? I loved it. The
1:35:05other day an author came saying he had
1:35:06an idea for a book, and after he talked
1:35:08a lot about the book, I started taking
1:35:10it away, but he mentioned a web series.
1:35:13When he mentioned the web series, a
1:35:15magician appeared to me. I said, "Wow,
1:35:16your web series is amazing, go for it!"
1:35:22Right? Based on the card. I haven't
1:35:24seen the book or the web series, but
1:35:26look at the card. So, wow, very
1:35:28powerful, very interesting. It's
1:35:32very, very fun. Well, folks, as for me,
1:35:36right? I'm doing a thousand things at
1:35:39the same time, but I'm doing critical
1:35:41readings, text preparation, I'm giving
1:35:43mentorships. Uh, there's a fantasy
1:35:46writing lab that's really cool; you can
1:35:48join, there's even a class this
1:35:50Saturday, it's one Saturday a month.
1:35:54And of course, I'm promoting, you know,
1:35:56my "Dark Deeds" and... "Torments," a
1:35:58deluxe edition that we launched at the
1:36:01Biennial, which has a few copies. The
1:36:04book has several illustrations inside.
1:36:06It also has the Motocube, Black Raven.
1:36:09And I still have some hardcover copies
1:36:10that will be the last ones because
1:36:12after that the book will be released in
1:36:14paperback. So if you want to talk to me
1:36:16directly to purchase one, I'll do it a
1:36:18while ago, even to get it signed, okay?
1:36:22And that's it. I'm also on YouTube,
1:36:24right, with my channel VTO Reis for
1:36:26writers, with live streams every Monday
1:36:29. For now, that's it.
1:36:31And I'm the guy who will produce your
1:36:33next book. I'm going to do the cover,
1:36:38layout, text editing. I'll do the
1:36:42documentation, I'll do the layout for
1:36:44the print edition, I'll do the e-book,
1:36:46I'll print your book, you'll deliver
1:36:48your text in Word, I'll return it
1:36:50printed to your home anywhere in Brazil
1:36:52. If you are outside of Brazil, I also
1:36:55assist you and we'll see the best way.
1:36:57Then, put your book on [website/
1:36:58platform name]. "Amazon, on KDP,
1:36:59publishes here in Brazil through
1:37:01marketplaces. So, I put your book on
1:37:04the marketplaces, everything's there. I
1:37:06take care of absolutely every stage of
1:37:09the book for you, from the moment you
1:37:11write it until the moment you start
1:37:12selling, right? So, I've already
1:37:16covered all that part for you to talk
1:37:18to us, me and Laura, down here in the
1:37:19description of all our videos, it's
1:37:21even showing up on the GC here too, but
1:37:23our contact is in the description.
1:37:27Write yourbook.com.brsguerra.com.br
1:37:29from Vilto, you'll look for Vilt Reis
1:37:32on YouTube, you'll find the guy, you
1:37:34can also hire him. And Laura, at the
1:37:38last minute the text arrived.
1:37:41Oh, a message, really?
1:37:42Yes, the guy sent it.
1:37:46But this is the last of the Mohicans
1:37:48today. Okay. Let's go.
1:37:50It's
1:37:51Vai tirar um tarô, Laura. It's
1:37:53Ardenal. It's Ardenal. Yes, he sent the
1:37:56text there, look. It's already in the
1:37:58group. It's
1:37:59in Group
1:38:00video material. Let me see one more
1:38:02person, right?
1:38:04And they sent another one here. So
1:38:05we're going to read two texts, okay?
1:38:07Oh my gosh. These dissonant bodies.
1:38:10That's it. It's
1:38:11dissonant bodies. No, wait, wait, let
1:38:13me see. It's dissonant bodies and then
1:38:15the heir, there are two that got in
1:38:17line, look. So,
1:38:18I said no, no, okay.
1:38:21Ah, now it's like this. Now it's going
1:38:23to happen, look. So, we're going to
1:38:25talk about Monica and Ardenal and
1:38:29don't send any more, you must have sent
1:38:31some before,
1:38:32but let's go. Let's go.
1:38:33Send money, but there won't be any
1:38:34reading. That's it.
1:38:38You can send until you close the group
1:38:41here so people don't send any more.
1:38:43What's
1:38:45this, people? Let's take it easy. Very
1:38:48well. Let me open this.
1:38:49Lara gets indignant. I love this. I
1:38:51do. People, go on, go on, use your
1:38:56brains.
1:38:57We're here using Vietro's help for us.
1:39:01He put it on the air already. I'm
1:39:03on my second live stream today, Right?
1:39:04Detail.
1:39:05Yeah, poor guy. And he even went
1:39:07through a tiring Biennial, folks. True.
1:39:10Let's go.
1:39:10Sounding bodies. Go ahead.
1:39:12Sounding bodies. Star analyzed the
1:39:15blood on the carpet. The dead man. Zoom
1:39:17in
1:39:17a little. Zoom in a little. Yes. Zoom
1:39:19in some more. Be generous to people who
1:39:21wear glasses.
1:39:22There, look. bodies before star
1:39:25analyzed the blood on the carpet. The
1:39:28dead man, inert on his own brain matter
1:39:31, remained like a solitary iceberg in
1:39:33the sea, his brown body oozing with his
1:39:36eyes fixed on the void. From his gaze,
1:39:40Istar could tell if the man had
1:39:42accepted his own fate or if he died
1:39:44begging. A lesson he learned in
1:39:47childhood when he deciphered his
1:39:48father's eyes to see if the night would
1:39:50bring dinner or new bruises. That one
1:39:54there, stretched out on the floor, with
1:39:55a bullet lodged in his head, knew very
1:39:57well that he would die. It was possible
1:39:59that he had fought for his life.
1:40:01Perhaps that explained the redness on
1:40:02his wrists. His eyebrows Arched eyes
1:40:05and a deep gaze at the ceiling
1:40:06indicated a surprise, something he
1:40:08couldn't have foreseen before the end.
1:40:11A conventional Vortex 7 pistol with a
1:40:14silencer attached remained in the
1:40:16corpse's left hand, while travel photos
1:40:18beside the shelf revealed a smiling
1:40:21young man in his FIM academy uniform.
1:40:26Suicide. An energetic female voice
1:40:29sounded behind him. For a moment he had
1:40:32forgotten that Morian was with him."
1:40:35Girl, I told you to be quiet while I'm
1:40:37concentrating. "Morian covered his
1:40:40mouth with both hands." Sorry, I was
1:40:43just thinking out loud, "he whispered
1:40:45and fell silent again." No, it's not
1:40:49suicide, "he replied, getting up and
1:40:51lighting a cigarette." Well, the
1:40:54neighbors say they didn't hear a noise,
1:40:56nor see anything different. "She
1:40:58watched him puff around the room." Have
1:41:01you ever thought about quitting smoking
1:41:02? My eyes are burning from the smoke. "
1:41:06Istor took another drag and
1:41:07extinguished the rest in his hand,
1:41:09which means the killer might be in the
1:41:11building." Whoever did this put the gun
1:41:14in their hand. "He tried to make it
1:41:15look like suicide. He just didn't
1:41:17realize something very important. He
1:41:19wasn't left-handed, but right-handed.
1:41:22Istar pointed to the pictures near the
1:41:24living room shelf, where the victim
1:41:25appeared holding a revolver with his
1:41:27right hand." Want to comment already, V
1:41:31? That's
1:41:33why I don't write crime fiction, folks.
1:41:36Because this cliché...he wasn't
1:41:37right-handed, he was left-handed. It's
1:41:40something we've seen in many stories,
1:41:41you know?
1:41:43And it's very difficult because many
1:41:44people have seen many things in many
1:41:46stories, you know?
1:41:47No. And...wait a minute. And he even
1:41:51puts it in his left hand. If it were
1:41:53the other way around, right? He was
1:41:54left-handed. Oh, the killer didn't know
1:41:57he was left-handed. But right-handed,
1:42:03put it in his left hand and the killer
1:42:04is right-handed. Oh, have mercy. Go on.
1:42:08But I think this beginning here...I
1:42:10thought it was very bad. Inert on his
1:42:14own brain matter. What nonsense is that
1:42:18? How so? The matter spread out and the
1:42:22body is entirely on top of it. "The
1:42:24mass. It was kind of scary, wasn't
1:42:26it? The brain, okay, right? It might
1:42:29spread, but I don't think so. It's not
1:42:31quite that, is it? And besides, if it's
1:42:34a gunshot to the head, right? There's
1:42:36going to be a lot of blood, there will
1:42:38be, I don't know,
1:42:39brain, pieces of brain. No, no. Uh,
1:42:44this description doesn't give the idea
1:42:46of a gunshot to the head. That's very
1:42:49strange. A reference to the brain mass
1:42:51itself. I would actually stop reading
1:42:54here, okay? Because that sentence is
1:42:57absurd to me. And a solitary iceberg in
1:43:01the sea, what kind of comparison is
1:43:02that? No, how so? Besides, the body is
1:43:10leaning against the sofa, so it doesn't
1:43:12look like a solitary iceberg in the sea
1:43:14, right? Uh, this comparison of the
1:43:19corpse is very bad, isn't it? And we
1:43:24also aren't able to understand very
1:43:26well if his head is blown apart or if
1:43:28it is not, right? Leaning against the
1:43:33sofa, he's a body, right? Or did I
1:43:36misunderstand? In the second paragraph,
1:43:38that one lying on the floor is another
1:43:40body, Right?
1:43:42No, I think it's the same. It's
1:43:44the same. Yes.
1:43:46Yes. So this is terrible. Is he leaning
1:43:49on the sofa or stretched out on the
1:43:51floor?
1:43:56One thing that struck me as odd, but it
1:43:58might be a good kind of odd, is the
1:43:59characters 'names, right? They sound
1:44:02like names from a fantasy setting, but
1:44:04it's a police story. So
1:44:06no, but I don't think so, because
1:44:09Vortex 7 isn't the name of a gun.
1:44:14No, but I mean the name of this
1:44:15character, right? Istitar Moren.
1:44:19Yes, but that's precisely fantasy,
1:44:21right? It's a police story with fantasy
1:44:23, because that gun doesn't exist, right
1:44:25? And the Forim Academy doesn't exist
1:44:27either, right?
1:44:28So it's all good. But wait a minute.
1:44:33And when you're going to describe a
1:44:35body, a corpse and all that, you have
1:44:37to be very clear, very clear. And also
1:44:42this phrase here, right, this phrase
1:44:45here, by the look and knowing if the
1:44:49man had accepted his own destiny, so uh
1:44:52, he accepted his own destiny or He
1:44:55died begging, right? And then, right?
1:45:02And it gives a fantasy vibe, doesn't it
1:45:04? It doesn't seem like it.
1:45:05And it was possible that he fought for
1:45:06his own life. If he can recognize it by
1:45:09the look, then he'll know if he fought
1:45:11for his own life or not, right? This
1:45:14isn't good. Uh, when we have scenes of
1:45:18violence, we really need to give enough
1:45:20detail to explain it so that the reader
1:45:23understands. Yeah, I'm not a forensic
1:45:27expert, but like, uh, when a body dies,
1:45:30when the person dies fighting, uh, the
1:45:33marks are very clear, uh, of a person
1:45:36who simply died without being cut,
1:45:41right? Yeah, it was a very quick
1:45:43execution, like, there's a difference.
1:45:45There are, different marks remain on
1:45:47the body itself. There are. I think
1:45:49Isaão would be able to say this well
1:45:52here, if she has it. Uh-huh.
1:45:54She could say it here in the chat, but
1:45:56there are these issues. Let's move on.
1:46:00Let's.
1:46:00We have to work a lot on this text. We
1:46:02have to work a lot.
1:46:04While you, while you get, look,
1:46:06when you get the...I've
1:46:07already opened the heir. Go there.
1:46:10So, there's Monica's that we're reading
1:46:11. Oh, just one detail here. Laura,
1:46:13after we had already finalized
1:46:15everything, Laura probably sent her
1:46:18text to the group. Uh, but I don't
1:46:22think it even appeared here in the
1:46:24group, it was already closed.
1:46:25Yes, she sent it to me, but we couldn't
1:46:27get to it because we were coming, but
1:46:28there are still texts. Yes, she sent it
1:46:31to me.
1:46:31So, do the following, in the next live
1:46:33stream we do about this, remind us,
1:46:35Laura, so we can put yours first, okay?
1:46:37That's it.
1:46:38Let's go.
1:46:41Uh, where is it? Where is it? Where is
1:46:42it? Where is it? Where is it? I'm
1:46:45deceiving the people around me, but if
1:46:47I don't fight for myself, then who will
1:46:50? As long as my uncle doesn't discover
1:46:53my scheme, I'm not at risk. As long as
1:46:56I don't find out anything. Henrique
1:46:59looked at the old great-uncle who had
1:47:00raised her. Heins,
1:47:01who had raised him,
1:47:03who had raised him, Heins, a German man
1:47:05over 90 years old, who was sitting
1:47:07beside him, was having an animated
1:47:10conversation with his doctor about the
1:47:12subject of the week. It was the time of
1:47:15the Vind Dima in Belo Gonçalves. I've
1:47:17been there. The three of them were
1:47:19sitting in the garden in front of the
1:47:21mansion, from where one could see the
1:47:22vineyard belonging to the Heins family.
1:47:26The sweet smell of ripe grapes, ready
1:47:28for harvest, came from the vines,
1:47:30carried by the wind." Go up a little
1:47:34higher. This smell is so good. "
1:47:39Henrique took a deep breath, opening
1:47:41his chest, exhaled, and turned his face
1:47:42upwards to catch the morning sun. And
1:47:46Heins fixed his attention on the
1:47:48appearance of his nephew, who gave the
1:47:50impression of having been molded from
1:47:52himself when he was young or from his
1:47:54brother who had died decades ago."
1:47:56Heinhit? "" Yes, sir, "he replied
1:47:59promptly." What comes next? Is Dr.
1:48:02Carlos going to bring me another exam?
1:48:05How long will I have to submit to this?
1:48:08"" My time is running out, and I need
1:48:10to make sure of a few things, "he said,
1:48:13bending forward and grimacing in pain."
1:48:16Uncle, it's been four months since I
1:48:18had blood tests. A 19-year-old kid
1:48:20doesn't need to have so many tests.
1:48:21Nobody does. You're not just anyone,
1:48:27and it's not a blood test you're going
1:48:29to have. I want to know if you can have
1:48:31children or if you're like me. "This
1:48:33was news to Henrique and caught him off
1:48:37guard. If he couldn't have children,
1:48:40would that affect his position in his
1:48:42uncle's will? Because just now, when he
1:48:46was going to visit his father's house,
1:48:48he wanted to argue that such a test
1:48:51wouldn't be necessary, but he was
1:48:53answering himself in place of his uncle
1:48:55, who also had no reason to refuse to
1:48:57do it. So, as usual, he agreed with
1:49:01Hines's wishes,
1:49:03the embarrassed doctor. He
1:49:07stopped."
1:49:08Yeah, yeah, he stopped, he stopped. Hmm
1:49:11, hmm. Very strange. Very strange. I
1:49:17mean, we're not keeping track, we're
1:49:22inside Henrique's head, right? "Whether
1:49:25Henrique knows or not, it's very
1:49:27strange. First, here, uh, and him
1:49:32starting by saying he's deceiving, it's
1:49:34a strange thought, isn't it? If he's in
1:49:38the middle of this, this is...as you
1:49:40know, Bob, right? No, if he's deceiving
1:49:46his uncle, then he wouldn't be thinking
1:49:49that at this moment, right? So it
1:49:53starts there. Then we can't quite
1:49:59understand, right? Uh, we can
1:50:02understand. I have old Henrique
1:50:05expecting to inherit something, right?
1:50:09But this phrase here, Heines focused on
1:50:11the nephew's appearance, which gave the
1:50:13impression of having been made from a
1:50:15mold taken from himself. That's a bad
1:50:18phrase.
1:50:19It changed the point of view too, right
1:50:20?
1:50:21Exactly.
1:50:21Give me a minute, I'll be right back.
1:50:23Go on, go on, keep playing. We're
1:50:25not exactly seeing who's watching there
1:50:30, and the phrase is very bad, right?
1:50:35And also from the brother's point of
1:50:36view, I mean, it really suddenly
1:50:38shifted to the old man's point of view,
1:50:39right? And it's bad." By the way, those
1:50:43names are similar, right? And then this
1:50:47here, it's hard to understand properly,
1:50:48if this is a thought, right?
1:50:51Uh-huh. Yes, it's him thinking, but
1:50:55he's thinking about an exam, uh, what a
1:50:59strange thing, and if we're following
1:51:03this character from the inside, uh, we
1:51:06would have an idea of what it is,
1:51:09what's happening, right? Uh, this
1:51:15situation is very strange, it's not
1:51:17clear enough to be a problem of
1:51:19interest. What did you think, V?
1:51:23And just one more thing on top of what
1:51:26you said, this sentence below, I don't
1:51:28know if he said it, who said it,
1:51:31right? I think this is the old man
1:51:34himself. Uh-huh.
1:51:36Answer what comes next. Dr. Carlos is
1:51:38going to give me another exam, until
1:51:39when is it...? That's it. I think it's
1:51:42the kid's thought, but it's not clear,
1:51:44it's really strange, right? Yes. And
1:51:47then the old man comes in saying,
1:51:50old man. Okay, it's
1:51:52not right.
1:51:53But like, but it's
1:51:55very strange. "It's quite strange.
1:51:58And, you know, we
1:52:00have some textual constructions like
1:52:02this, for example, if I could go back a
1:52:04little, Laura, to the
1:52:06beginning,
1:52:08which is a lot of information within
1:52:10information, like that, it makes the
1:52:12reading kind of choppy, right? So,
1:52:15Henrique looked at his great-uncle who
1:52:17raised him, Heins, a German over 90
1:52:19years old, comma, who was sitting next
1:52:21to him having an animated conversation
1:52:24with his doctor. This information about
1:52:26Ris, a German over 90 years old,
1:52:28couldn't be included at another point,
1:52:30right? It becomes too much; you break
1:52:32up what you're saying to add more
1:52:34information so the reader can grasp it
1:52:36all, but in the end, they grasp nothing
1:52:39, right? So, I think you have to be
1:52:41careful there, right? What did I like?
1:52:43I liked the setting, right? It's not
1:52:46such a common setting, it has a
1:52:48different surname. The problem is even
1:52:51interesting, right? Like, oh, what does
1:52:53the blood thing have to do with, oh,
1:52:55not being able to have children, right?
1:52:57But I think the presentation is too...
1:52:59That's bad, it's very weak,
1:53:01and I would never open it with that
1:53:03thought. Never.
1:53:07No, it doesn't convince me, does it? No
1:53:09, no.
1:53:11Oh, oh.
1:53:13Why not show this character hesitating,
1:53:15all a bit cautious, a bit nervous,
1:53:18right? And then let the reader presume
1:53:21these things, right? That's what
1:53:24the way he deals with his great-uncle
1:53:26would clarify about him being kind of
1:53:27like a fox, right? Wanting something,
1:53:31right? But it's
1:53:33too obvious, isn't it? I want to know
1:53:35if you don't have the same problem as
1:53:37me. There's no need for that, right? If
1:53:39he says, if the guy is deceiving him,
1:53:41he's aware, and his uncle says, let's
1:53:44do a blood test, there's already a
1:53:46whole tension there, right, that
1:53:47doesn't appear in this text because
1:53:50it's all too explicit, right, too
1:53:51obvious.
1:53:52Yeah, right, right? No. Very well.
1:53:59Sidney, you're back.
1:54:04Back.
1:54:08Sidney was abducted.
1:54:12Well, back now. I'm back,
1:54:20Sydney. So, we've read it and we'll end
1:54:24here. Today V is tired, I'm tired and
1:54:27You went for a walk, I don't know where
1:54:31. So,
1:54:33very well. So that's it, folks. A big
1:54:36...Have you said goodbye yet or not?
1:54:39No.
1:54:40You say goodbye, Laura. Let you speak
1:54:42first.
1:54:43Good night, dears. Keep going strong. I
1:54:46hope these readings help you and I'll
1:54:48have fun reading the ones you send for
1:54:51the prize. That's
1:54:54it, folks. I
1:54:55forgot to mention, didn't I, that when
1:54:57I talked about the things I do, that
1:54:58I'm a judge for the" Write Your Book "
1:55:00prize, right? It's just one of the
1:55:02things.
1:55:03Look there.
1:55:05So, folks, thank you so much, always,
1:55:07for the affection from Laura, Sidney,
1:55:09and from you all in the chat too. Don't
1:55:11be alarmed, okay? Everything we say is
1:55:14for you to improve and take this as an
1:55:16impetus to continue writing. And that's
1:55:19it. Good night everyone.
1:55:21Perfect.
1:55:22And thank you for today's audience.
1:55:24Thank you so much to all of you who
1:55:25came to participate, who were here
1:55:27chatting on the live stream, exchanging
1:55:29ideas, suggesting things, saying good
1:55:30things, saying bad things. That's why
1:55:32we love you. And that's it. Keep going,
1:55:36people. Beautiful people. If you're not
1:55:37a beautiful person, become a member and
1:55:39become beautiful, it's always good. And
1:55:41that's it, until next week's live
1:55:43stream. A kiss to the soul of each of
1:55:46you and see you on Thursday. Kisses.
1:55:48Bye.

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