Am I Just Making Excuses? — Transcript

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1. 0:00You do what you've been rewarded for
2. 0:01doing in the past and you avoid things
3. 0:02you've been punished for in the past.
4. 0:03That I will absolutely agree with to the
5. 0:04day
6. 0:04>> But don't you believe even as a child,
7. 0:06let's say, you could be shaped by your
8. 0:08parents. So, let's just say you're told
9. 0:09by your parents, you are worthless, you
10. 0:11can never do anything. Like, that's hard
11. 0:13to break, I think, as an adult.
12. 0:14>> disagree with the fact that they're hard
13. 0:15to break. I'm just saying,
14. 0:17you choose to believe it.
15. 0:19There's a choice.
16. 0:21>> Could it also be that your brain is
17. 0:22wired in such a way that the the neural
18. 0:25pathways all point to you being
19. 0:27worthless, and you're told that you will
20. 0:30amount to nothing, and it's so ingrained
21. 0:33that when you become an adult, it's just
22. 0:36like these are patterns that are really
23. 0:38difficult to break cuz you've been told
24. 0:40your entire life and you believe one
25. 0:41thing, and shattering all of that takes
26. 0:44a lot of work.
27. 0:45>> So, to anyone who has that that
28. 0:47paradigm,
29. 0:49you're right.
30. 0:50It's not your fault. You're never going
31. 0:53to be successful.
32. 0:55Now what?
33. 0:59Okay, well, maybe I can do something
34. 1:00about it. Okay, great. You know what I
35. 1:01mean? Like, there's like there's no
36. 1:03there's like there's no benefit. You
37. 1:05know what I mean? Like, if someone like
38. 1:07cuz I I get Q&A's every once in a while
39. 1:08and someone's like, "I can't grow my
40. 1:09business because of my kids, right?
41. 1:11Like, they take up all my time and it's
42. 1:12just impossible for me to do the
43. 1:13things."
44. 1:14Uh so, what would you tell me?
45. 1:16I say, "You're right.
46. 1:17You're never going to be successful and
47. 1:19it's not your fault."
48. 1:21And then you can just watch the person
49. 1:22just writhe. They're just like,
50. 1:25"Well, I mean." And I'm like, "What?
51. 1:27You're going to fight me on the fact
52. 1:28that you're going to be successful?
53. 1:29Great. The fighter showed up. So, what
54. 1:30are we what are we talking about?
55. 1:32Do you want my permission to not be
56. 1:33successful or do you want to accept that
57. 1:34you're not going to be like what do you
58. 1:35want?" And they're like, "Well,
59. 1:37okay." And I'm like, "Well, yeah,
60. 1:38there's your answer." Like, whatever
61. 1:39reason you're giving yourself is the
62. 1:41very reason you should do the thing.
63. 1:42Like, if your mom was mean as [ __ ] to
64. 1:43you your entire life and she told you
65. 1:44you're worthless, that's a great reason
66. 1:46to be successful.
67. 1:47There's just as many people who've had
68. 1:48terrible upbringings who became
69. 1:49successful as people who didn't.
70. 1:50>> you tell that person who says, "I have
71. 1:52kids, I can't be, you know, give the
72. 1:53business the time it needs." Why
73. 1:54wouldn't you tell that person
74. 1:55practically, "Well, you're going to have
75. 1:57to structure your day better, you're
76. 1:59going to have to sacrifice some time
77. 2:00with your kids, you're going to have to
78. 2:01wake up a little earlier, it's going to
79. 2:02suck in the beginning, you'll get used
80. 2:03to it. Why not go in with that approach?
81. 2:06>> Cuz I think that person's looking for
82. 2:07permission.
83. 2:09I think they're looking for an excuse
84. 2:10that's reasonable that protects their
85. 2:11ego.
86. 2:11>> I don't think so. I think sometimes
87. 2:12people just need to be told what to do.
88. 2:14>> Maybe.
89. 2:14>> They they might know what the answer is,
90. 2:16but if you tell them what the answer is,
91. 2:19they'll do it and they'll believe it
92. 2:20because you're the one telling them.
93. 2:21>> Well, this person was saying, I I'm not
94. 2:23going to be successful like in the
95. 2:24premise of saying, this person said, I'm
96. 2:26not going to be successful. Here's my
97. 2:27excuse, tell me it's okay that I have
98. 2:29this excuse. Then I say, you're right.
99. 2:31It's not your fault, you're never going
100. 2:32to win.
101. 2:33And then all of a sudden their whole
102. 2:34psyche changes cuz they want to
103. 2:35contrast, they want to rebel against
104. 2:36that. And they're like, what do you
105. 2:36mean? I mean, I'm totally in like,
106. 2:38great. Cool, so you agree. So you are
107. 2:40going to win. So what are we talking
108. 2:41about? Right, so like the it's it's just
109. 2:43this back and forth that people always
110. 2:44rebel. Um and I just find I just find
111. 2:46that that context interesting because a
112. 2:48lot of times if you actually just like
113. 2:49put a knife in and just twist and say,
114. 2:51sure, let's take it to the natural end,
115. 2:52you'll never win. Okay, how do you feel
116. 2:53now?
117. 2:54Great, so then you making all of that
118. 2:55fanfare about all these reasons why it's
119. 2:58justified that you won't win, how does
120. 2:59that serve you? It doesn't. So you might
121. 3:01as well act as though it didn't matter
122. 3:02anyways and do the stuff that is
123. 3:04required. Just to be clear for everybody
124. 3:05like I share the stuff that worked for
125. 3:07me. If if what you're doing is working
126. 3:08for you, then
127. 3:09I love you, keep crushing it. You know
128. 3:11what I mean? Like I I just share this
129. 3:12stuff because people ask, you know, I
130. 3:14they're like, how did you do this by
131. 3:15this time or whatever and I share my
132. 3:17worldviews and they're relatively
133. 3:18contrary. Not a lot of a lot of people
134. 3:20believe as little as I believe about
135. 3:22anything, really. Um there are a few
136. 3:24things that I absolutely believe through
137. 3:25and through and then the everything else
138. 3:27for the most part I feel is noise. And
139. 3:28that has helped me a lot because
140. 3:30um it has gotten me out of like, you
141. 3:32know, 99% of the Oh, 99, who knows? But
142. 3:34like
143. 3:35a vast majority of the content that I
144. 3:36see on the internet is there's a lot of
145. 3:37fluff. There's a lot of just like just
146. 3:40BS, a lot of people giving advice that
147. 3:41have never done the thing that they're
148. 3:42trying to give advice on. Um
149. 3:44and so
150. 3:46it's like when people talk about like
151. 3:47the you know, energy and manifesting and
152. 3:49you know, psychology and affirmations
153. 3:51and all these things, it's like
154. 3:53even even this the statement like have
155. 3:55you heard be do have? Heard that? It's
156. 3:57like a pretty big in like the personal
157. 3:58development space. It's like be the
158. 3:59certain way so you do the things to get
159. 4:01what you want or have the thing, right?
160. 4:02And it has to you have to be the person
161. 4:03first then you can to do the things to
162. 4:05have the thing, right? That's like a big
163. 4:06everyone's like be do have.
164. 4:08I think it's complete [ __ ] Because
165. 4:13being is a function of doing.
166. 4:15If we were to say who is this person, we
167. 4:18would describe their identity by the
168. 4:19things they do.
169. 4:21Like he is a carpenter. He's into these
170. 4:23things. He does he takes these actions.
171. 4:24That is what creates his identity, how
172. 4:26we describe him.
173. 4:27So if being is a function of doing, then
174. 4:29we can just cut being out, right? So
175. 4:31it's just doing and then have. But if
176. 4:34the having comes from the doing,
177. 4:36then
178. 4:38that's an after effect. That's an
179. 4:39outcome, not the thing that created it.
180. 4:42And so the doing creates the having.
181. 4:44And so you can cut out the have. And so
182. 4:46it just comes down to doing.
183. 4:48And so we don't need to like obsess
184. 4:49about like am I a good person, am I a
185. 4:51bad person, am I a villain, am I an
186. 4:52[ __ ] That's the point we're making
187. 4:53the very beginning of this. It's like
188. 4:56maybe you are an [ __ ] Maybe you are
189. 4:57a loser.
190. 4:59You can still do the stuff to win and
191. 5:00win anyways. If Graham identified as a
192. 5:03loser tomorrow, like truly through his
193. 5:05being identified as a loser and still
194. 5:07made the same video and posted it, it
195. 5:08would still crush.
196. 5:11And for me that's actually given me a
197. 5:12lot of
198. 5:15shelter in hard times.
199. 5:17Which is like I don't need to be the
200. 5:20best whatever. And I don't even need to
201. 5:21be in a great mood. I don't need to
202. 5:23identify as like some shining knight
203. 5:25hero.
204. 5:26But I can still run these ads or make
205. 5:28these calls or do these outreach
206. 5:29attempts or make this partnership deal
207. 5:31and I will still get the end result. And
208. 5:33to me that is very
209. 5:35reassuring because it puts a lot more
210. 5:36into my control.
211. 5:38>> Do you think that you would do better in
212. 5:39that case if you're feeling bad, if you
213. 5:42were feeling better about yourself, that
214. 5:45you would have a better result?
215. 5:47>> If the exact same activity was done, no.
216. 5:49>> Yes.
217. 5:51>> If the same number of If I send the same
218. 5:52100 emails to the same exact people,
219. 5:54whether I'm in a bad mood or good mood,
220. 5:55the same response rate's going to come
221. 5:56back.
222. 5:56>> If you feel like you're in a really
223. 5:58great mood, don't you feel like you
224. 5:59could craft those emails in such a way
225. 6:01that's maybe 1% better?
226. 6:03>> about.
227. 6:04If we just stick to what they're doing,
228. 6:05it's cuz then at that point it's like,
229. 6:06"Shit, great, we shifted the doing." But
230. 6:08like, the doing itself can just be done.
231. 6:10And I like that a lot because for people
232. 6:13who are in hard times, it's like you can
233. 6:15you don't have to feel confident to do
234. 6:17[ __ ] You can still get the result for
235. 6:19it. Like you don't need to be confident
236. 6:21to go up to the girl. You can just go up
237. 6:21to the girl and not be confident and
238. 6:23still ask her out. Basically, what I'm
239. 6:25trying to prevent against is the person
240. 6:26who's waiting to be in a good mood to
241. 6:27work.
242. 6:29Because that sometimes that good mood
243. 6:30never comes. But the work still needs
244. 6:31doing.
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