All Michael De Santa Voice Clips • Grand Theft Auto 5 • All Voice Lines • GTA V • Funny — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00oh man oh [ __ ] what is wrong with me of
2. 0:06all the things to pick a fight with I
3. 0:08gotta choose gravity well
4. 0:10this sucks oh man Somebody explain to me
5. 0:14how I'm not dead that was horrible ah
6. 0:18Jesus it's a miracle I'm not dead
7. 0:20that'll wake you up
8. 0:22wow wow there you go bam and I've
9. 0:28managed not to paralyze myself whoa
10. 0:31[ __ ] are you you're a [ __ ] dead you
11. 0:35have a [ __ ] clue you're [ __ ] with
12. 0:37yeah yeah [ __ ] yeah come on come on
13. 0:43[ __ ] come on [ __ ] you come on
14. 0:48that's in this [ __ ] kill me then
15. 0:52you [ __ ]
16. 0:55sounds interesting sounds like a plan
17. 0:58you seem like a nice girl you could make
18. 1:01an old man very happy oh that's an
19. 1:04interesting way of saying thanks [ __ ]
20. 1:07Franklin oh no Frank you poor [ __ ]
21. 1:10kid no Franklin T [ __ ] [ __ ] t t brother
22. 1:17a [ __ ] T hey watch it hey back off are
23. 1:22you [ __ ] drunk get lost ah please go
24. 1:27away come on get lost get the hell out
25. 1:31of here here get off my ass
26. 1:34sorry I'm sorry about that forgive me
27. 1:38get out the [ __ ] way oh [ __ ] sorry oh
28. 1:44you see them they okay nice work uh you
29. 1:48just hit him I ain't in this car calm
30. 1:51down all right this is gonna get nasty
31. 1:53bro hey why are we doing this bro come
32. 1:56on please why can't we just forget all
33. 1:58about it getting too old for this
34. 2:01[ __ ] you're young enough to be my
35. 2:03son yeah [ __ ] [ __ ] Beaver pal oh
36. 2:06please give it up already damn
37. 2:10you fool
38. 2:12you [ __ ] dick ah for [ __ ] sake this
39. 2:17was a nice car you know how much this
40. 2:20car costs hey you selfish prick you're
41. 2:23entitled piece of [ __ ] I like this car
42. 2:27oh you screwed up my car hey the car
43. 2:31well you don't see me driving so you're
44. 2:34gotta drive into me I see some bad
45. 2:37drivers but you
46. 2:39damn you fool
47. 2:43you [ __ ] dick oh for [ __ ] sake
48. 2:48Jesus real smooth bro nice driving hey
49. 2:53no more of that don't crash this car
50. 2:55again damn you fool look the [ __ ] out
51. 3:00you [ __ ] idiot you [ __ ] watch the
52. 3:05[ __ ] out will ya ah [ __ ] hey you hit me
53. 3:08[ __ ] idiot be careful calm it down
54. 3:14chill the [ __ ] out hey hey crap [ __ ]
55. 3:19what watch out no no hey I'm
56. 3:23self-actualizing over here how do you
57. 3:25know if you're ready when you're not
58. 3:27ready and kind of ready and ready all at
59. 3:30once trees talk
60. 3:32but they're not very interesting would
61. 3:34these trees just shut up you can't put a
62. 3:37price on self-actualization actually you
63. 3:40can and I'm paying it it ain't a cult it
64. 3:43ain't a cult it ain't a cult I got a
65. 3:47cloud Empire and a planet and I'm a king
66. 3:50like everyone else maybe I'm so scaredy
67. 3:54because I'm 47 000 places at the same
68. 3:57time they say I'm not present that's
69. 4:00cause I'm in a million Dimensions at
70. 4:02once oh brother brother brother brother
71. 4:05what have I got myself into whoa you
72. 4:09suck uh you really suck at this [ __ ]
73. 4:13darts it ain't for you buddy man you got
74. 4:16nothing nothing you can't throw thirds
75. 4:19for [ __ ] my friend all right don't [ __ ]
76. 4:22this up no pressure no pressure no
77. 4:26mistakes stay calm almost
78. 4:30140. nice a hundred and eighty well done
79. 4:35Buck 80 nice all right watch and learn
80. 4:39I'm warning you I can throw I'm warning
81. 4:42you I got a magic elbow I warn you I'm a
82. 4:46killer now
83. 4:47prepare to learn something hey pay close
84. 4:50attention ah God I feel like I might die
85. 4:53here hurry the [ __ ] up don't worry it's
86. 4:57only the rest of my life oh look at that
87. 4:59Bullseye and that's a bullseye there you
88. 5:03go bust unlucky your bust oh [ __ ] you're
89. 5:09gonna bust come on kid let's see some of
90. 5:12that new generation chisel come on kid
91. 5:15stay calm in the clutch whoa you got
92. 5:18game
93. 5:19yo you got it come on Frankie do it for
94. 5:23the kids in the hood let's see a little
95. 5:25F come on trap this one's for the meth
96. 5:27heads everywhere seriously T imagine
97. 5:29it's my face I love you T you know that
98. 5:33you always was good at Chuck and Spears
99. 5:35tea come on T show us that calm
100. 5:38collected personality of yours he always
101. 5:41had a very well trained wrist there T
102. 5:43man I love me some darts I'm a [ __ ]
103. 5:47natural I'm I'm a natural at this yeah I
104. 5:49probably should have gone pro or
105. 5:50something hey you want to play some
106. 5:51darts so you want to play a little darts
107. 5:54fancy a game of darts and you are
108. 5:57history don't try to [ __ ] with the
109. 5:59master good night let's make it best of
110. 6:02three you good with best of three uh
111. 6:05let's do best of three okay [ __ ] this
112. 6:08man you are lucky you are one of the
113. 6:11lucky SOB you [ __ ] psycho humaniac
114. 6:16hit the [ __ ] board hey come on don't
115. 6:18be a prick hit the board hit the board
116. 6:21you lunatic yeah you're pretty good at
117. 6:24this oh you're certainly better at darts
118. 6:26than you are at life [ __ ] you're good at
119. 6:29darts aren't you wow you're good at
120. 6:31throwing things aren't you look at you
121. 6:34[ __ ] Dart Hustler how about some
122. 6:36arrows quick game of darts you did good
123. 6:39well done well played Bud all righty
124. 6:43then let's have a little chat you want
125. 6:46to make something out of this I'm sorry
126. 6:48where were we what's going on with you
127. 6:51[ __ ] alrighty then let's party so
128. 6:55how you doing you got a problem with me
129. 7:00you think you're tough don't you oh that
130. 7:04is foul the [ __ ] is this dog piss oh
131. 7:08Jesus that is horrible oh that's nice
132. 7:13oh sweet nice that's just what I needed
133. 7:18where's the fire hey what's the hurry
134. 7:21okay let's get there all right let's go
135. 7:25come on pick it up will ya oh what is
136. 7:28this funeral procession uh you do know
137. 7:31how to use the gas right where is this
138. 7:34prick
139. 7:35ah where is that guy where the [ __ ]
140. 7:40there he is what there there he is got
141. 7:43him over there [ __ ] behind you look
142. 7:46behind you there behind you look out
143. 7:49look down there there down there there
144. 7:53he is down there right there right in
145. 7:56front there right in front of you left
146. 7:59there left look left right look right on
147. 8:04the right he's up there look up there
148. 8:07look up one day I will know all maybe
149. 8:11you know this stuff seems kind of
150. 8:13interesting all right all those
151. 8:14celebrities they can't be wrong hmm
152. 8:17seems kind of interesting maybe my
153. 8:19shrink always said I needed some kind of
154. 8:21faith maybe
155. 8:23maybe you are out of control oh you're a
156. 8:27psycho you know that where the hell do
157. 8:29you get off hey show me some respect
158. 8:32it's on come on then this ought to be
159. 8:36interesting let's roll [ __ ] remember
160. 8:40I'm a bad person go on you got this
161. 8:43idiot finish it come on finish this crap
162. 8:47man how the hell do you do this ah God I
163. 8:52gotta learn to fly oh man do I suck at
164. 8:55flying I said goodbye can I help you I
165. 8:59need some time to myself good Lord you
166. 9:02look
167. 9:03wow what the hell are you wearing you
168. 9:06look like a [ __ ] I always worried you
169. 9:10were insane not anymore now I know it
170. 9:13wow that's horrible well done really
171. 9:17well done that's great for you that was
172. 9:21pretty awful you [ __ ] kidding me you
173. 9:24suck
174. 9:25[ __ ] ah crap man that is [ __ ] useless
175. 9:31the [ __ ] is wrong with me ah Dennis
176. 9:35total [ __ ] all right knock off the
177. 9:38cheating that was too good well done
178. 9:42Jesus [ __ ] Christ you're pretty good
179. 9:44at this [ __ ] you ain't playing around
180. 9:46are you nice look at that not bad for a
181. 9:52fat old fool like me not bad for a fat
182. 9:56old [ __ ] oh take a look at that you're
183. 9:59[ __ ] and you know it oh my God you suck
184. 10:03at this you really are desperate aren't
185. 10:05you my God you said and desperate you're
186. 10:09really sort of pathetic aren't you don't
187. 10:11[ __ ] this up for your own sake now do
188. 10:14your best that's all we can ask for come
189. 10:17on no pressure you're bound to lose
190. 10:19either way let's not [ __ ] this up good
191. 10:23luck pal you'll need it
192. 10:25crap I'm too old for this [ __ ] well done
193. 10:30[ __ ] way to [ __ ] it up you know what
194. 10:33I'm done sorry man I've had enough hey
195. 10:36sorry I gotta get out of here forgive me
196. 10:38but I've had enough and that's me done
197. 10:40quitter are you quitting come on run
198. 10:44away then you ain't fooling anybody hey
199. 10:47you know that was pretty fun I had a
200. 10:49good time I had fun just now and there
201. 10:53it is
202. 10:54experience it wins out Olden but golden
203. 10:58that's right
204. 11:05yeah that one I'll take that that one
205. 11:08please same again uh give me another I
206. 11:11think another one of those bye goodbye
207. 11:13bye now [ __ ]
208. 11:15[ __ ] God damn it half a [ __ ] sake
209. 11:21[ __ ] [ __ ] this [ __ ] this is
210. 11:25total [ __ ] crap [ __ ] this crap
211. 11:31oh [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] damn ah this is
212. 11:37total [ __ ] [ __ ] what is this
213. 11:40[ __ ] what is this [ __ ] ah crap
214. 11:45[ __ ] ah [ __ ] oh no [ __ ] that did
215. 11:51the trick that was nice that hit the
216. 11:54spot not bad I'm not sure why people
217. 11:57call me fat I better start watching what
218. 12:00I eat this country makes you paranoid
219. 12:02about everything even food I gotta stop
220. 12:06stuffing my face keep this up and I
221. 12:09really will be a fat ass
222. 12:11Jesus [ __ ] oh my God damn what the [ __ ]
223. 12:17the [ __ ] Jesus the [ __ ] is going on
224. 12:23ah [ __ ] ah crap
225. 12:27[ __ ] you gotta be kidding me I don't
226. 12:30believe it ah give me a break somebody
227. 12:34please
228. 12:36[ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] ah [ __ ] that is total
229. 12:42[ __ ] are you [ __ ] me
230. 12:45[ __ ] damn ah give me a break oh come on
231. 12:51Ah hell crap this is so much crap damn
232. 12:57this [ __ ] ah [ __ ] are you kidding me
233. 13:01go [ __ ] yourself
234. 13:03[ __ ] you [ __ ] off why don't you [ __ ] off
235. 13:08yeah you [ __ ] off now hey hi hi there
236. 13:14hello oh hey hey there hello sweetheart
237. 13:19hey hello hi hey pal hey bro hey buddy
238. 13:26what's up hey man oh man you are one sad
239. 13:32sad woman I feel really sorry for the
240. 13:36pricker wakes up next to you when people
241. 13:38look at you do they turn to Stone oh man
242. 13:41you make me go Wheezy you're not exactly
243. 13:45a looker are you you piece of [ __ ] you
244. 13:49suck you know something you [ __ ]
245. 13:52pathetic you [ __ ] why do you exist how
246. 13:58the [ __ ] are you alive why are you still
247. 14:01breathing you make my skin crawl there
248. 14:06is no [ __ ] point to you you're an
249. 14:10irrelevant prick you [ __ ] kidding me
250. 14:13I know you were born a chick oh you know
251. 14:16something you reek you don't have many
252. 14:19friends do you pal you know I bet your
253. 14:22mom even hates you secretly you know
254. 14:25what you're one nasty [ __ ] you know what
255. 14:29you should see a doctor for that [ __ ]
256. 14:31when I say you suck I mean you really
257. 14:33suck hey you really you define
258. 14:38everything that's wrong with this place
259. 14:39you make me wanna puke you should get
260. 14:43some help with that personality of yours
261. 14:45what exactly is wrong with you I just
262. 14:48hope you have proper hatred for yourself
263. 14:51you're really making my skin crawl oh I
264. 14:55just love that old and bitter Vibe you
265. 14:58got going on
266. 14:59your generation really [ __ ] this
267. 15:01country up you're the ones that [ __ ]
268. 15:03up this place you moaning old bastard
269. 15:06your generation ran this country into
270. 15:08the ground you know you old [ __ ] just
271. 15:12love to complain no nah no no out of the
272. 15:17way I'm coming through hey clear out of
273. 15:20the way step aside moving [ __ ] what
274. 15:24the [ __ ]
275. 15:25Jesus ah [ __ ] what the hell [ __ ] what
276. 15:31was that Jesus what
277. 15:34[ __ ] oh oh crap thank you that's cool
278. 15:39thanks thank you thanks appreciate it
279. 15:43yeah whatever you say [ __ ] absolutely
280. 15:47whatever and I imagine your life is
281. 15:50really fun ah please shut the [ __ ] up
282. 15:55hey shut the [ __ ] up with that [ __ ] yes
283. 15:59yeah sure get in in now come on get in
284. 16:04well let's get out of here we gotta go
285. 16:06oh time to go oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] oh Jesus
286. 16:14oh man that
287. 16:16[ __ ] oh crap that hurt oh man
288. 16:23ow ah crap great cops [ __ ] beautiful
289. 16:30ah just in case I wasn't having enough
290. 16:32fun already I'm too old for this crap
291. 16:35I'm supposed to be retired some [ __ ]
292. 16:39retirement ah my golden years oh shank
293. 16:43you very much
294. 16:45holy [ __ ] that was bad crap God damn it
295. 16:50I need new sticks not where I meant that
296. 16:52one to go get out the sunscreen you're
297. 16:55heading for the beach have fun in there
298. 16:58I love my sandwich
299. 17:00[ __ ] this [ __ ] [ __ ] sand pit
300. 17:04ah [ __ ] oh man I gotta get a new coach
301. 17:08my swing's got a real kink in it yeah I
302. 17:11really want to try one of those new
303. 17:12drivers golf almost as confusing and
304. 17:15frustrating as marriage my game needs a
305. 17:18lot of work oh man I gotta get my head
306. 17:22in the game sometimes I just can't
307. 17:25concentrate on golf ever since high
308. 17:28school my entire Sports career has been
309. 17:30about idiocy triumphing over my talent I
310. 17:33really gotta work on my short game my
311. 17:36nerves are just shot I know I got the
312. 17:38talent it's my brain is [ __ ] up Come
313. 17:42On Son stay calm ah don't get The Yips
314. 17:46kid stay nice and calm kid deep breaths
315. 17:49like a yogi Focus kid Focus okay you
316. 17:54gotta keep the shoulders relaxed kid
317. 17:56Franklin relax breathe stay calm T
318. 18:01breathe hit cleanly through the balti
319. 18:05you know this really is you in your
320. 18:07natural environment isn't it you really
321. 18:09fit in well around here T hey and I
322. 18:12always knew you were the country club
323. 18:13type T ah Trevor don't get stressed and
324. 18:18angry now four four look out ah [ __ ]
325. 18:22four you piece of [ __ ] ah give me a
326. 18:27break [ __ ] [ __ ]
327. 18:31[ __ ] I hate myself and everything else
328. 18:35you have got to be [ __ ] me nice shot
329. 18:40you sandbagging me not bad that's the
330. 18:44way I played it nice lie we're not
331. 18:48getting any younger pal hurry the [ __ ]
332. 18:51up ah come on the [ __ ] you die on me
333. 18:54what's the problem [ __ ] hurry up
334. 18:57close but close don't count close but no
335. 19:02sick guys sweetheart ah [ __ ] what I hate
336. 19:07this [ __ ] game [ __ ] this club I hate
337. 19:10this sport I hate golf
338. 19:14ah [ __ ] yeah [ __ ] this [ __ ] I got all of
339. 19:19that one and away she goes [ __ ]
340. 19:23grip it rip it and watch it go oh [ __ ]
341. 19:27that baby's got wings
342. 19:29oh I heard that ball nice putt well done
343. 19:34you know I thought you'd blow that
344. 19:36[ __ ] thank you and good night fire in
345. 19:40the hole get in that get in hey there
346. 19:43well hello there hey beautiful how you
347. 19:46doing hey take care of yourself hey
348. 19:49there how you doing you okay there well
349. 19:52hello officer hello officer hi officer
350. 19:55no loitering moving along Now show some
351. 19:59respect for the law you look like you're
352. 20:02up to no good nothing to see here don't
353. 20:05look so frightened don't look at me like
354. 20:07I'm some kind of freak don't judge me
355. 20:10what do you think I'm rocking this look
356. 20:12huh you like what you see hey bro be
357. 20:15cool hey man peace hey kid I don't want
358. 20:18no trouble hey how you doing hey be cool
359. 20:21we got friends in common hey how you
360. 20:24doing homie easy now essay what's up I
361. 20:27say be cool APA stay cool hey there bud
362. 20:31you good buddy we all good buddy peace
363. 20:34sister peace Lady Peace brother hey
364. 20:38there you hippie puff phone hey there
365. 20:41she hipster oh what's up with you what's
366. 20:44your problem you hip [ __ ] great another
367. 20:47hipster hey there chunky well hello drug
368. 20:51addict hey there you drug adult fool
369. 20:54hello there hello hey big guy how you
370. 20:57doing jumbo what's up big dog hello sir
371. 21:00I mean Madam I mean whatever well hello
372. 21:03midop hello sweetness taxi taxi stop oh
373. 21:09taxi you got a good reason for that oh
374. 21:12that was cute try that again oh so now
375. 21:16you're a tough guy you know this car
376. 21:18ain't quite the party bus some other
377. 21:20time uh hey I'll take a rain check this
378. 21:24car ain't big enough no not now not now
379. 21:28thanks uh I don't think so I'd love to
380. 21:31but I'm married hey I'm trying to be a
381. 21:34good husband sorry I'm back with my wife
382. 21:36and I'm trying to be good get in the car
383. 21:38hey gorgeous jump in hop in that's Jesus
384. 21:44that's horrible that's uh get out of
385. 21:47here ah just get out of here I'm gonna
386. 21:50be sick that's just lovely yeah that's
387. 21:55the power of the human Spirit oh you go
388. 21:58girl [ __ ]
389. 22:00sorry to hear that I'm sorry I'm sorry
390. 22:03about that what's up how you doing
391. 22:05beautiful hello and how are you how are
392. 22:09you doing hey what's going on how you
393. 22:11doing hey what's up what's going on yeah
394. 22:14how are you all cool hey what's up how's
395. 22:17it going how are you hey buddy what's up
396. 22:20what's up pal hey you cool pal what's up
397. 22:24man hey what's going on dude what's up
398. 22:26amigo hurry up come on let's get a move
399. 22:31on I got this wait here I got this let
400. 22:35me take care of this this is mine let me
401. 22:38deal with this Jesus
402. 22:41oh that almost got me all right I see we
403. 22:44ain't joking here what the [ __ ] too
404. 22:48close so sorry next time you'll listen
405. 22:51well you know what I mean now maybe
406. 22:54you'll shut up and listen sorry about
407. 22:56that are you [ __ ] kidding me give me
408. 22:59a [ __ ] break are you [ __ ] insane
409. 23:02ah give me a break bad idea I'd advise
410. 23:07against that course of action don't mind
411. 23:10if I borrow this for a while do you
412. 23:11sorry about this not really see can I
413. 23:15have your bike for a minute or six sorry
414. 23:18lady nothing personal forgive me
415. 23:21sweetheart come on lady don't fight it
416. 23:24excuse me I need to borrow your car lady
417. 23:28I'm gonna be using your car keep Coolio
418. 23:32baby it's just a car by monster car
419. 23:35Amigo don't act like a tough guy come on
420. 23:39bro time to move
421. 23:41hate to do this sorry pal the dead don't
422. 23:45drive I hope you didn't [ __ ] yourself
423. 23:47out get out all right come on come on
424. 23:50out let's go now sorry but I need this
425. 23:54ah it's insured don't be a dick all
426. 23:58right let's go move move let's move get
427. 24:01the [ __ ] out of here I need you out of
428. 24:04there let's go out now all right don't
429. 24:08try to be a [ __ ] hero get out now
430. 24:13brother sister keflam uncle aunt hey Kip
431. 24:17flop yeah
432. 24:36I'm very sorry boys I'm not having a
433. 24:40good day day who's next anyone hey sorry
434. 24:45look out excuse me come on let me out
435. 24:48hey let me out come on let me go can we
436. 24:52just listen to the radio all right hey
437. 24:54you mind if we just listen to the radio
438. 24:56Alamo C Alta banham Canyon Banning Bay
439. 25:01Tree Canyon Bowling Brook Penitentiary
440. 25:03Braddock pass Braddock tunnel Burton
441. 25:06calafia Bridge Cassidy Creek Chamberlain
442. 25:10Hills chilead Mountain State Wilderness
443. 25:13Chumash Countryside Cypress Flats Davis
444. 25:18quartz Del perro Del perro Beach
445. 25:21Downtown downtown Vinewood East Los
446. 25:25Santos East Vinewood Eclipse El burro
447. 25:28Heights El Gordo Lighthouse Elysian
448. 25:32Island Fort San Kudo Galilee Galileo
449. 25:35Observatory Galileo Park grandsonora
450. 25:39desert grape seed great Chaparral gwc
451. 25:43and golfing Society Harmony Howick heart
452. 25:47attacks Beach Humane labs and research
453. 25:50La Mesa La Puerta La Puerta freeway Lago
454. 25:54Zancudo landak Dam Land Act Reservoir
455. 25:57little soul Los Santos Freeway Los
456. 26:01Santos International Airport Maze Bank
457. 26:03Arena Mirror Park Mission Row morning
458. 26:07wood Mount Chiliad Mount Gordo Mount
459. 26:10Josiah Murrieta Heights North Chumash
460. 26:13North Yankton Pacific Bluffs Pacific
461. 26:17Ocean Polito Bay Polito Cove Polito
462. 26:21Forest Palmer Taylor Power Station
463. 26:24Palomino Highlands pillbox Hill Port of
464. 26:27South Los Santos procopio Beach Rancho
465. 26:30Raton Canyon Redwood lights track
466. 26:33Richard's Majestic Richmond Richmond
467. 26:36Glen Rockford Hills Ron alternates wind
468. 26:40farm San Andreas sanchiansky Mountain
469. 26:43Range Sandy Shores Sonora freeway Slab
470. 26:48City South Los Santos strawberry tatavia
471. 26:51mountains terminal textile City tongva
472. 26:55Hills tongva Valley Utopia Gardens
473. 26:58Venice Vernon Vespucci Vespucci Beach
474. 27:03Vespucci canals Vinewood Vinewood Hills
475. 27:06Vinewood racetrack West mirror Drive
476. 27:09West Vinewood Zancudo River had enough
477. 27:13ah you want to keep going I'm still
478. 27:16fresh ain't this a kick in the pants
479. 27:19really you want some more come on get up
480. 27:24I'm having fun oh [ __ ] oh too close look
481. 27:30out you got lucky buddy no no we need
482. 27:34something bigger hey this ain't gonna
483. 27:36cut it give me something bigger hey we
484. 27:38need Wheels where's our transport
485. 27:41where's our ride I need some help here
486. 27:43hey I need a hand I'm in trouble here
487. 27:47I'm in a pickle drop what you're doing
488. 27:50it get your ass over here get somebody
489. 27:53help me nice work that was a fine shot
490. 27:57you got it ah damn it no change
491. 28:01where's my [ __ ] change yeah [ __ ] I'm
492. 28:04tapped Out
493. 28:06Jesus [ __ ] Christ that's very
494. 28:11worrying I think you probably need a
495. 28:14shrink and I thought I needed therapy
496. 28:17man you're crazy no no really that's
497. 28:20fascinating you must really worry your
498. 28:23family whoa well that put me in my place
499. 28:28my God now I'm not sure what to say
500. 28:31about that that's America for you hey
501. 28:34watch out oh oh hey you want to get shot
502. 28:38in the face hey I'm walking here [ __ ]
503. 28:42[ __ ] no no no no
504. 28:46oh [ __ ] no Drive lose them lose this
505. 28:50heat drop them now stay calm we'll get
506. 28:54out of this let's go don't let them pin
507. 28:56Us in It Ain't Us thereafter oh I'm
508. 29:00getting jumpy those Sirens weren't for
509. 29:01us all right I'll break hey it's my
510. 29:04break I'm breaking you want to put a
511. 29:06little money on this how about we make
512. 29:08it interesting what do you say a little
513. 29:10wager come on One More Time come on rack
514. 29:13them up let's go again how about another
515. 29:15frame huh foul I'll take that I saw that
516. 29:19foul hey that's a foul yeah right you'll
517. 29:23get this well I'm confident the game
518. 29:25ain't about to end I got a feeling I'll
519. 29:28be taking a shot after this come on just
520. 29:30hit it it ain't brain surgery I never
521. 29:33seen you think this much about anything
522. 29:35you know that still got it and I'm the
523. 29:38king of the felt I'm an athlete pool is
524. 29:41a sport too bad you gotta put the balls
525. 29:45in the holes ah big fat NADA yeah
526. 29:49whatever Hey You Gotta Sink some of them
527. 29:51so you sunk it yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
528. 29:55[ __ ] show off hey let's see if you
529. 29:57can keep that up Lucky Bastard ah great
530. 30:01I'm playing ketchup all game long you
531. 30:03know some bastards get all the [ __ ]
532. 30:05luck
533. 30:06whoopee for you the king of the pool cue
534. 30:10it's that wrist action you've had so
535. 30:12much practice with ah you're breaking
536. 30:14you break break it already
537. 30:18my poor [ __ ] head man I should go
538. 30:21back to therapy man I never knew I hated
539. 30:24myself that much I'm starving and
540. 30:27miserable oh man I gotta stop smoking
541. 30:30that [ __ ] fantastic cannot wait man I
542. 30:34love the internet hey excuse me screw
543. 30:38you watch out move
544. 30:41[ __ ] out of the way move it this ain't
545. 30:45bumper cars how can you race you can't
546. 30:48drive move move you cheat oh man I feel
547. 30:54awful my heart
548. 30:57[ __ ] I feel
549. 30:59I am having a coronary damn almost yeah
550. 31:04not too bad for an old fart not bad for
551. 31:06a husband not quite over the hill yet
552. 31:10almost next time I'll win this [ __ ]
553. 31:14screw you hey get back here ah you are
554. 31:18kidding me ah [ __ ] get back here no you
555. 31:22do not oh [ __ ] get back here oh no you
556. 31:27don't get the hell back here come here
557. 31:30good night bye bye have fun back there
558. 31:35relax you've already lost bye good night
559. 31:39enjoy checking out my ass see you later
560. 31:43alrighty then let's do this okay let's
561. 31:47do this thing let's go for it ah you
562. 31:50think you can beat an old guy come on
563. 31:53let me join in the fun hey can I get in
564. 31:55on this race you'll probably beat me
565. 31:58easy but can I get in in now this is a
566. 32:01middle half crisis I can enjoy come on
567. 32:04look at that someone still got it come
568. 32:07on Michael you got this stay strong
569. 32:11let's go let's go yeah come on look at
570. 32:16that ah please turn that [ __ ] off for
571. 32:20the love of all it is [ __ ] holy turn
572. 32:23that [ __ ] [ __ ] off please don't make
573. 32:26me listen to this crap I kind of like
574. 32:29this station I like this one oh daddy
575. 32:32likes this one reloading I'm out I'm
576. 32:36reloading reload I need to reload cover
577. 32:39me reloading whatever he said let's do
578. 32:43this quick let's go let's go get the
579. 32:46money let's run [ __ ]
580. 32:49oh
581. 32:51this is not fun
582. 32:54oh man stop stop get me off get me off
583. 33:00now wow I love entrusting my safety to
584. 33:04Carneys oh man I love this crap come on
585. 33:07let's go I love roller coasters Rush
586. 33:10still got it yes yes stop yes I still
587. 33:16got it yes
588. 33:18I felt something
589. 33:28come on then make this nice you happy
590. 33:33now are we having fun now come on come
591. 33:38on [ __ ] I guess this is how you like
592. 33:41it huh I guess this is how the [ __ ] it
593. 33:43is [ __ ] you oh yeah thanks just heavy
594. 33:48and nasty I guess I'm not having a very
595. 33:50good day I know I know it ain't [ __ ]
596. 33:53cool yeah I'm an old fat ass [ __ ] with
597. 33:57a gun come on kill me I need some to
598. 34:00talk to my shrink about so you enjoying
599. 34:02the party all right let's do this thing
600. 34:06clean out that register now stay calm
601. 34:09and clean out your register give me
602. 34:11whatever you got in the register no
603. 34:13heroics just give me what's in the
604. 34:15register come on hurry up the clock is
605. 34:20ticking don't make me lose my patience
606. 34:22you [ __ ] discharged you just [ __ ]
607. 34:26shot me ah you kept me a prick oh the
608. 34:30cops cops right there [ __ ] here's the
609. 34:33heat hey it's 5-0 the cops are here come
610. 34:37on let's go [ __ ] start up you piece of
611. 34:42[ __ ] stay down keep your head down stay
612. 34:46in cover sorry pal sorry good night okay
613. 34:50well you're done absolutely sure thing
614. 34:55why the hell not gorgeous some other
615. 34:58time no I'm good baby abso [ __ ]
616. 35:01lutely oh hell yes
617. 35:03faux [ __ ] show fantastic I'm home
618. 35:07fake women absolute superficiality
619. 35:10silicone I'm home baby now this is a
620. 35:14surprise I like uh
621. 35:17why the hell not huh now this is the
622. 35:21life I love this town it's not cheating
623. 35:25if there's more than one it's research
624. 35:28ladies ladies please don't start
625. 35:30fighting over me baby you are great
626. 35:34please just don't tell me your life
627. 35:35story
628. 35:37um Peach Body Oil greatest smell in the
629. 35:41world you look great you're
630. 35:44this is
631. 35:46um
632. 35:46life is good sorry some other time not
633. 35:50right now gorgeous sorry babe gotta go
634. 35:53hey don't take this personally but I
635. 35:55gotta go I'll see you in a bit I'll be
636. 35:57over there when you need me there you go
637. 35:59hey there you go there there you go baby
638. 36:03you're earning it hey sweetheart bring a
639. 36:06friend over I know
640. 36:08go bring a friend over oh man this is
641. 36:11the life I don't even need mollus in
642. 36:14this place this is
643. 36:16this is fun finally tattooed superficial
644. 36:21women who actually like me I'd marry any
645. 36:24one of you if I hadn't already made that
646. 36:26mistake how about we go back to your
647. 36:28place how about we head somewhere
648. 36:31private
649. 36:32your place now there's a plan why did I
650. 36:36think of that of course I'm a married
651. 36:38man I'd really love to but I'm trying to
652. 36:41be good that was incredible you are a
653. 36:45girl of rare Talent thank you admit it
654. 36:49you like me we both know how you feel
655. 36:52about me come on admit it you love me
656. 36:56hey change of plan actually I gotta
657. 36:59change of plan new plan I changed my
658. 37:02mind oh Taxi Cab Taxi here hey let's go
659. 37:08come on get the lead out come on buddy
660. 37:11let's go I love you my darling I love
661. 37:14you my sweet remember it's just a game
662. 37:17Angel hey don't go all quiet on me baby
663. 37:20it's not sex
664. 37:22I love you you're great Amanda don't
665. 37:27take it too seriously remember I really
666. 37:30love you nothing says I love you like
667. 37:33letting me win my darling to think you
668. 37:36grew up in a trailer park by the way you
669. 37:40look beautiful I love how much you focus
670. 37:44when you play I love how seriously you
671. 37:46take this by the way you know you look
672. 37:49kind of sexy when you sweat I really
673. 37:51wish you'd make more jokes when we play
674. 37:52It's like a metaphor for married life
675. 37:55you busted my balls hey you're supposed
676. 37:58to hit him back whoo got away from you
677. 38:01huh let me guess the wind took it huh
678. 38:05you know I always had a lot of talent my
679. 38:09shots are great my head is all over the
680. 38:11place if I get my game going you are
681. 38:14history if I had to play tennis instead
682. 38:16of football at school I could have gone
683. 38:18pro I got the shots of a decent player
684. 38:21it's my head that doesn't work oh man
685. 38:24this game is so frustrating I always
686. 38:27think I'm a better player than I really
687. 38:28am I was a good player in high school
688. 38:31okay stay calm now no no no you're doing
689. 38:34good ah don't get stressed come on it's
690. 38:38just a game yo you're really taking this
691. 38:41too seriously relax breathe deep
692. 38:44everyone loves you try to stay calm
693. 38:47you're doing good I'm proud of you nope
694. 38:50that's no good oh just out out and just
695. 38:55out
696. 39:00hurry up will ya come on hey we played
697. 39:04tennis or waiting to die Jesus will you
698. 39:07[ __ ] up please wow some rally Jesus mind
699. 39:11my heart please hey you can play you got
700. 39:15a tennis game in there pal wow you can
701. 39:18really play lucky you lucky bastard well
702. 39:22[ __ ] that's lucky well done you lucky
703. 39:26[ __ ] out that [ __ ] was out that was
704. 39:30out out unlucky net
705. 39:33[ __ ] bad luck he's teaching you good
706. 39:36that coach tennis yoga you've really led
707. 39:41us into the middle class it's been a
708. 39:43long time since I saw you sweat and
709. 39:45heard you moan my little buttercup hey
710. 39:48at least we still play tennis together
711. 39:51ours might be a marriage in name only
712. 39:53but at least we still got tennis
713. 39:57I don't even want to think about that
714. 39:58coach
715. 39:59I'm sorry baby it's a new life now I'm
716. 40:03glad we got back together but I'm still
717. 40:05gonna beat you I love you baby but I'm
718. 40:08still gonna win hey remember what
719. 40:11Freelander said about not taking it too
720. 40:13seriously my sweet this is gonna be so
721. 40:16much fun just can't wait my angel tennis
722. 40:21but fun isn't this civilized okay baby
723. 40:25it's your training against my natural
724. 40:27athleticism Man Against Woman the
725. 40:30original battle now
726. 40:33let's try not to get divorced over this
727. 40:35okay we both know you're gonna lose T
728. 40:37hey we both know you don't stand a
729. 40:40chance sorry T but there's only one way
730. 40:43this can go for you bad we both know
731. 40:46you're doomed now don't eat me when you
732. 40:50lose T don't go on a meth binge when you
733. 40:52lose okay well at least I hope you
734. 40:55learned something still got the old
735. 40:57magic I ain't washed up yet oh man I
736. 41:01feel awful this is horrible this is the
737. 41:04midlife crisis of a dork oh yeah this
738. 41:07sucks in every conceivable way I gotta
739. 41:10take better care of myself oh God this
740. 41:12is just so many forms of wrong turning
741. 41:15it off this is going off I'm turning on
742. 41:17the radio I'm putting this on oh man
743. 41:21give me a break this is terrible this is
744. 41:26garbage who writes this crap
745. 41:30his show always was [ __ ] ah who
746. 41:34thinks of this [ __ ] oh I got dive
747. 41:37bombed [ __ ] feathers thump bird you
748. 41:41got the whole [ __ ] Sky to fly in well
749. 41:43beats being shot by a dick with a
750. 41:46crossbow hey they need to be called
751. 41:48that's the owner's fault
752. 41:50why weren't you tied up uh you're
753. 41:52heading to the glue factory somebody
754. 41:54shoot him and that's one for the pot I
755. 41:57know what I'm having for dinner you
756. 41:59should have heard me coming evolve some
757. 42:02ears yeah dumb animal get out of the
758. 42:05road you stupid beast that's your
759. 42:07[ __ ] selection wrong time to cross ah
760. 42:12we're flipped nice work we rolled
761. 42:15beautiful driving you flipped us oh baby
762. 42:20you went off that thing whoa you hit
763. 42:22that jump oh we're on fire hey there's a
764. 42:26fire we're burning what okay where the
765. 42:30[ __ ] is it Dad you're stealing my
766. 42:32[ __ ] money hey wait up wait a second
767. 42:35oh hold on
768. 42:39foreign
769. 43:00like hell at least I can still push
770. 43:03myself you're driving can you drive hey
771. 43:06you mind driving hey I was enjoying that
772. 43:09you know I was kind of enjoying that
773. 43:11holster it put it away oh I got one too
774. 43:16I know people pal well done pal let's
775. 43:20shut your [ __ ] mouth