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AB: "Night" Chapter Three — Transcript

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0:03Night, chapter three.
0:06The beloved objects that we had carried
0:08with us from place to place were now
0:10left behind in the wagon, and with them,
0:12finally, our illusions.
0:15Every few yards there stood an SS man,
0:17his machine gun trained on us. Hand in
0:19hand, we followed the throng.
0:22An SS came toward us wielding a club. He
0:25commanded, "Men to the left, women to
0:27the right."
0:29Eight words spoken quietly,
0:31indifferently, without emotion.
0:34Eight simple, short words.
0:37Yet that was the moment when I left my
0:39mother.
0:41There was no time to think, and I
0:42already felt my father's hand press
0:44against mine.
0:45We were alone.
0:47In a fraction of a second, I could see
0:49my mother, my sisters, move to the
0:51right.
0:52Tzipora was holding Mother's hand.
0:55I saw them walking farther and farther
0:57away.
0:59Mother was stroking my sister's blond
1:00hair as if to protect her.
1:03And I walked on with my father, with the
1:05men.
1:07I didn't know that this was the moment
1:08in time and the place where I was
1:10leaving my mother and Tzipora forever.
1:13I kept walking, my father holding my
1:15hand.
1:17Behind me, an old man fell to the
1:19ground.
1:20Nearby, an SS man replaced his revolver
1:23in its holster.
1:25My hand tightened its grip on my father.
1:28All I could think of was not to lose
1:29him, not to remain alone.
1:32The SS gave the order.
1:34"Form ranks of fives."
1:36There was a tumult. It was imperative to
1:38stay together.
1:40"Hey, kid, how old are you?"
1:43The man interrogating me was an inmate.
1:45I could not see his face, but his voice
1:46was weary and warm.
1:49"15? No, you're 18."
1:52"But I'm not.
1:54I'm 15." "Fool, listen to what I say."
1:59Then he my father who answered,
2:01"I'm 50."
2:03"No!" The man now sounded angry. "Not
2:0550, you're 40. Do you hear? 18 and 40."
2:11He disappeared into the darkness.
2:13Another inmate appeared unleashing a
2:15stream of invectives. "Sons of [ __ ]
2:17WHY HAVE YOU COME HERE? Tell me, why?"
2:20Someone dared to reply, "What do you
2:22think? That we came here of our own free
2:24will? That we asked to come here?"
2:27The other seemed ready to kill them.
2:29"Shut up, you [ __ ] or I'll tear you to
2:31pieces. You should have hanged
2:32yourselves rather than come here. Didn't
2:35you know what was in store for you here
2:37in Auschwitz? You didn't know? In 1944?"
2:42True.
2:43We didn't know. Nobody had told us.
2:46He couldn't believe his ears.
2:48His tone became even harsher. "Over
2:50there!
2:51Do you see the chimney over there? Do
2:53you see it? And the flames, do you see
2:55them?"
2:55Yes, we saw the flames. "Over there,
2:58that's where they'll take you. Over
3:00there will be your grave. You still
3:01don't understand?
3:03Sons of [ __ ] don't you understand
3:05anything? You'll be burned, burned to a
3:07cinder, turned into ashes."
3:10His anger changed into fury.
3:13We stood stunned, petrified.
3:15Could this be just a nightmare?
3:17An unimaginable nightmare?
3:20I heard whispers around me. "We must do
3:22something. We can't let them kill us
3:24like that, like cattle in the
3:25slaughterhouse. We must revolt."
3:28There were among us a few tough young
3:30men.
3:30They actually had knives and were
3:32arguing or urging us to attack the armed
3:34guards.
3:35One of them was muttering, "Let the
3:37world learn about the existence of
3:39Auschwitz. Let everybody find out about
3:42it while they still have a chance to
3:43escape."
3:45But the older men begged their sons not
3:47to be foolish.
3:48"We mustn't give up hope even now as the
3:50sword hangs over our heads. So taught
3:53our sages."
3:56The wind of revolt died down.
3:58We continued to walk until we came to a
4:00crossroads.
4:02Standing in the middle of it was, though
4:04I didn't know it then,
4:05Dr. Mengele,
4:07the notorious Dr. Mengele.
4:10He looked like a typical SS officer, a
4:12cruel, though not unintelligent, face
4:15complete with monocle.
4:17He was holding a conductor's baton and
4:19was surrounded by officers.
4:21The baton was moving constantly,
4:23sometimes to the right, sometimes to the
4:25left.
4:26In no time I stood before him.
4:29"Your age?"
4:30he asked, perhaps trying to sound
4:32paternal.
4:35"I'm 18."
4:36My voice was trembling.
4:38"In good health?"
4:40"Yes."
4:42"Your profession?"
4:43Tell him that I was a student?
4:45"Farmer." I heard myself saying.
4:48This conversation lasted no more than a
4:49few seconds. It seemed like an eternity.
4:53The baton pointed to the left.
4:55I took half a step forward.
4:58I first wanted to see where they would
4:59send my father.
5:00Were he to have gone to the right, I
5:01would have run after him.
5:03The baton once more moved to the left.
5:06A weight lifted from my heart.
5:08We did not know as yet which was the
5:10better side, right or left, which road
5:13led to prison and which to the
5:14crematoria. Still, I was happy. I was
5:17near my father.
5:19Our procession continued slowly to move
5:21forward.
5:22Another inmate came over to us.
5:25"Satisfied?"
5:26"Yes." Someone answered. "Poor devils.
5:30You are heading for the crematorium."
5:33He seemed to be telling the truth. Not
5:35far from us,
5:36flames, huge flames were rising from a
5:39ditch.
5:40Something was being burned there.
5:42The truck drew close and unloaded its
5:45hold.
5:46Small children,
5:48babies.
5:49Yes, I did see this with my own eyes,
5:52children thrown into the flames.
5:55Is it any wonder that ever since then
5:57sleep tends to elude me?
6:00So that was where we were going.
6:03A little farther on, there was another
6:04larger pit for adults.
6:07I pinched myself. Was I still alive? Was
6:10I awake? How was it possible that men,
6:13women, and children were being burned
6:15and that the world kept silent?
6:17No.
6:18All this could not be real. A nightmare,
6:20perhaps. Soon I would wake up with a
6:22start, my heart pounding, and find that
6:24I was back in the room of my childhood
6:26with my books.
6:28My father's voice tore me from my
6:30daydreams.
6:31"What a shame. A shame that you did not
6:33go with your mother. I saw many children
6:35your age go with their mothers."
6:38His voice was terribly sad.
6:40I understood that he did not wish to see
6:42what they would do to me.
6:44He did not wish to see his only son go
6:46up in flames.
6:48My forehead was covered with cold sweat.
6:51Still, I told him that I could not
6:52believe that human beings were being
6:54burned in our times. The world would
6:56never tolerate such crimes.
6:59"The world
7:00The world is not interested in us.
7:03Today everything is possible, even the
7:05crematoria."
7:07His voice broke.
7:09"Father," I said.
7:12"If that is true, then I don't want to
7:13wait. I'll run into the electrified
7:15barbed wire. That would be easier than a
7:17slow death in the flames."
7:19He didn't answer.
7:21He was weeping.
7:22His body was shaking.
7:24Everybody around us was weeping.
7:27Someone began to recite Kaddish, the
7:29prayer for the dead.
7:32I don't know whether during the history
7:33of the Jewish people men have ever
7:35before recited Kaddish for themselves.
7:38Yisgadal veyiskadash meraba.
7:42"May his name be celebrated and
7:44sanctified," whispered my father.
7:48For the first time, I felt anger rising
7:51within me.
7:53Why should I sanctify his name?
7:56The almighty, the eternal and terrible
7:58master of the universe, chose to be
8:00silent.
8:01What was there to thank him for?
8:04We continued our march.
8:06We were coming closer and closer to the
8:08pit from which an infernal heat was
8:11rising.
8:1320 more steps. If I was going to kill
8:15myself, this was the time.
8:17Our column had only 15 steps to go.
8:20I bit my lips so that my father would
8:22not hear my teeth chattering.
8:2410 more steps.
8:26Eight.
8:28Seven.
8:30We were walking slowly as one follows a
8:32hearse, our own funeral procession.
8:36Only four more steps.
8:38Three.
8:40There it was now, very close to us, the
8:42pit and its flames.
8:45I gathered all that remained of my
8:47strength in order to break rank and
8:48throw myself onto the barbed wire.
8:51Deep down, I was saying goodbye to my
8:52father, to the whole universe, and
8:54against my will, I found myself
8:56whispering the words, "Yisgadal
8:58v'yiskadash sh'mei rabba." May his name
9:00be exalted and sanctified.
9:03My heart was about to burst.
9:05There.
9:06I was face to face with the angel of
9:08death.
9:10No.
9:11Two steps from the pit, we were ordered
9:13to turn left and herded into barracks.
9:17I squeezed my father's hand.
9:20He said,
9:22"Do you remember Mrs. Schachter
9:24in the train?"
9:28Never shall I forget that night.
9:30The first night in camp that turned my
9:32life into one long night, seven times
9:35sealed.
9:37Never shall I forget that smoke.
9:40Never shall I forget the small faces of
9:42the children whose bodies I saw
9:43transformed into smoke under a silent
9:46sky.
9:48Never shall I forget those flames that
9:50consumed my faith forever.
9:53Never shall I forget the nocturnal
9:54silence that deprived me for all
9:56eternity of the desire to live.
9:59Never shall I forget those moments that
10:01murdered my God and my soul and turned
10:04my dreams to ashes.
10:06Never shall I forget those things, even
10:09were I condemned to live as long as God
10:11himself.
10:13Never.
10:17The barrack we'd been assigned to was
10:19very long.
10:20On the roof, a few bluish skylights. I
10:23thought, this is what the antechamber of
10:25hell must look like.
10:27So many crazed men, so much shouting, so
10:29much brutality.
10:31Dozens of inmates were there to receive
10:33us, sticks in hand, striking anywhere,
10:36anyone without reason.
10:38The orders came, "Strip! Hurry up! Raus!
10:42Hold on only to your belt and your
10:43shoes!"
10:44Our clothes were to be thrown onto the
10:46floor at the back of the barrack. There
10:48was a pile there already.
10:50New suits, old ones, torn overcoats,
10:52rags.
10:54For us, it meant true equality,
10:56nakedness.
10:57We trembled in the cold.
10:59A few SS officers wandered through the
11:02room looking for strong men.
11:04If vigor was that appreciated, perhaps
11:06one should try to appear sturdy.
11:08My father thought the opposite, better
11:10not to draw attention.
11:12We later found that he had been right.
11:14Those who were selected that day were
11:16incorporated into the Sonderkommando,
11:18the commando working in the crematoria.
11:21Bela Katz, the son of an important
11:23merchant of my town, had arrived in
11:24Birkenau with the first transport 1 week
11:27ahead of us. When he found that we were
11:29there, he succeeded in slipping us a
11:31note.
11:32He told us that having been chosen
11:34because of his strength,
11:35he had been forced to place his own
11:37father's body into the furnace.
11:41The blows continued to rain on us. "To
11:43the barber!"
11:45Belt and shoes in hand, I let myself be
11:47dragged along to the barbers.
11:49Their clippers tore out our hair, shaved
11:52every hair on our bodies.
11:54My head was buzzing.
11:55The same thought surfacing over and
11:58over, not to be separated from my
12:00father.
12:02Freed from the barber's clutches, we
12:03began to wander about the crowd, finding
12:05friends, acquaintances. Every encounter
12:08filled us with joy. Yes, joy.
12:11"Thank God, you are still alive.
12:15Some were crying.
12:16They used whatever strength they had
12:17left to cry. Why had they let themselves
12:20be brought here? Why didn't they die in
12:22their beds?
12:24Their words were interspersed with sobs.
12:27Suddenly, someone threw his arms around
12:29me in a hug. Yechiel, the Seghetter
12:32Rebbe's brother.
12:33He was weeping bitterly.
12:35I thought he was crying with joy at
12:36still being alive.
12:38Don't cry, Yechiel.
12:40Don't waste your tears.
12:42Not cry? We're on the threshold of
12:45death. Soon we shall be inside. Do you
12:48understand? Inside. How could I not cry?
12:53I watched darkness fade through the
12:54bluish skylights in the roof.
12:57I no longer was afraid. I was overcome
13:00by fatigue.
13:01The absent no longer entered our
13:03thoughts.
13:04One spoke of them, who knows what
13:06happened to them.
13:07But their fate was not on our minds. We
13:10were incapable of thinking. Our senses
13:12were numbed. Everything was fading into
13:14a fog. We no longer clung to anything.
13:17The instincts of self-preservation, of
13:19self-defense, of pride had all deserted
13:22us.
13:23In one terrifying moment of lucidity, I
13:25thought of us as damned souls wandering
13:28through the void.
13:29Souls condemned to wander through space
13:32until the end of time, seeking
13:34redemption, seeking oblivion without any
13:36hope of finding either.
13:40Around 5:00 in the morning, we were
13:41expelled from the barrack.
13:43The Kapos were beating us again, but I
13:44no longer felt the pain.
13:47A glacial wind was enveloping us. We
13:50were naked, holding our shoes and belts
13:53in order.
13:54Run!
13:56And we ran.
13:57After a few minutes of running, a new
13:59barrack.
14:00A barrel of foul-smelling liquid stood
14:02by the door.
14:04Disinfection.
14:06Everybody soaked in it. Then came a hot
14:08shower. All very fast. As we left the
14:11showers, we were chased outside and
14:14ordered to run some more.
14:16Another barrack, the storeroom.
14:19Very long tables, mounds of prison garb.
14:22As we ran, they threw the clothes at us,
14:24pants, jackets, shirts.
14:27In a few seconds we had ceased to be
14:28men.
14:29Had the situation not been so tragic, we
14:31might have laughed. We looked pretty
14:33strange. Meerkats, a colossus, wore a
14:36child's pants, and Stern, a skinny
14:39little fellow, was floundering in a huge
14:41jacket.
14:42We immediately started to switch.
14:45I glanced over at my father.
14:47How changed he looked.
14:49His eyes were veiled.
14:51I wanted to tell him something,
14:53but I didn't know what.
14:55The night had passed completely.
14:57The morning star shone in the sky.
15:00I too had become a different person.
15:03The student of Talmud, the child I was,
15:07had been consumed by the flames.
15:09All that was left was a shape that
15:11resembled me.
15:13My soul had been invaded and devoured by
15:15a black flame.
15:18So many events had taken place in just a
15:19few hours that I had completely lost all
15:22notion of time. When had we left our
15:24homes? In the ghetto?
15:27In the train? Only a week ago? One night
15:30One single night?
15:32How long had we been standing in the
15:34freezing wind? One hour?
15:37A single hour? 60 minutes? Surely it was
15:41a dream.
15:44Not far from us, prisoners were at work.
15:47Some were digging holes, others were
15:49carrying sand.
15:50None as much as glanced at us.
15:53We were withered trees in the heart of
15:55the desert.
15:56Behind me, people were talking.
15:58I had no desire to listen to what they
16:00were saying or to know who was speaking
16:03and what about. Nobody dared raise his
16:05voice, even though there was no guard
16:07around. We whispered.
16:09Perhaps because of the thick smoke that
16:11poisoned the air and stung the throat.
16:14We were herded into yet another barrack
16:16inside the Gypsy camp.
16:19We fell into ranks of five.
16:23And now, stop moving.
16:26There was no floor.
16:27A roof and four walls. Our feet sank
16:30into the mud.
16:32Again, the waiting. I fell asleep
16:34standing up.
16:36I dreamed of a bed,
16:37of my mother's hand on my face.
16:40I woke.
16:41I was standing, my feet in the mud. Some
16:44people collapsed, sliding into the mud.
16:46Others shouted, "Are you crazy? We were
16:47told to stand. Do you want to get us all
16:49in trouble?"
16:51As if all the troubles in the world were
16:53not already upon us.
16:55Little by little, we all sat down in the
16:57mud, but we had to get up whenever a
16:58capo came in to check if, by chance,
17:01somebody had a new pair of shoes.
17:03If so, we had to hand them over.
17:05No use protesting. Blows multiplied, and
17:08in the end, one still had to hand them
17:10over.
17:12I had new shoes myself.
17:14But as they were covered with a thick
17:15coat of mud, they had not been noticed.
17:18I thanked God in an improvised prayer
17:20for having created mud in this infinite
17:22and wondrous universe.
17:25Suddenly, the silence became more
17:27oppressive.
17:28An SS officer had come in, and with him,
17:31the smell of the angel of death.
17:34We stared at his fleshy lips.
17:36He harangued us from the center of the
17:37barrack.
17:38"You are in a concentration camp,
17:41in Auschwitz."
17:43A pause.
17:45He was observing the effect his words
17:46had produced.
17:48His face remains in my memory to this
17:50day.
17:51A tall man in his 30s, crime written all
17:55over his forehead and his gaze.
17:57He looked at us
17:59as one would a pack of leprous dogs
18:01clinging to life.
18:03"Remember," he went on. "Remember it
18:05always. Let it be graven in your
18:07memories. You are in Auschwitz, and
18:09Auschwitz is not a convalescent home. It
18:12is a concentration camp. Here, you must
18:14work. If you don't, you will go straight
18:16to the chimney, to the crematorium. Work
18:19or crematorium. The choice is yours.
18:23We had already lived through a lot that
18:24night. We thought that nothing could
18:26frighten us anymore.
18:28But his harsh words sent shivers through
18:30us.
18:30The word chimney here was not an
18:32abstraction.
18:34It floated in the air mingled with the
18:36smoke.
18:37It was perhaps the only word that had a
18:39real meaning in this place.
18:42He left the barrack.
18:44The kapos arrived shouting, "All
18:46specialist, locksmiths, carpenters,
18:48electricians, watchmakers, one step
18:50forward."
18:52The rest of us were transferred to yet
18:54another barrack, this one of stone.
18:57We had permission to sit down.
18:59A gypsy inmate was in charge.
19:02My father suddenly had a colic attack.
19:04He got up and asked politely in German,
19:06"Excuse me,
19:08could you tell me where the toilets are
19:09located?"
19:11The gypsy stared at him for a long time
19:14from head to toe.
19:16As if he wished to ascertain that the
19:18person addressing him was actually a
19:19creature of flesh and bone, a human
19:21being with a body and a belly.
19:24Then as if waking from a deep sleep, he
19:26slapped my father with such force that
19:29he fell down and then crawled back to
19:31his place on all fours.
19:33I stood petrified.
19:35What had happened to me?
19:38My father had just been struck in front
19:40of me and I had not even blinked.
19:43I had watched and kept silent.
19:45Only yesterday I would have dug my nails
19:47into this criminal's flesh.
19:49Had I changed that much so fast?
19:54Remorse began to gnaw at me. All I could
19:56think was, "I shall never forgive them
19:58for this."
20:00My father must have guessed my thoughts
20:01because he whispered in my ear, "It
20:03doesn't hurt."
20:06His cheek still bore the red mark of the
20:08hand.
20:09"Everybody outside!"
20:11A dozen or so gypsies had come to join
20:13our guard. The clubs and whips were
20:15cracking around me. My feet were running
20:18on their own. I tried to protect myself
20:20from the blows by hiding behind others.
20:23It was spring.
20:24The sun was shining.
20:26Fall in 5 by 5.
20:30The prisoners I had glimpsed that
20:31morning were working nearby. No guard in
20:34sight, only the chimney shadow.
20:37Lulled by the sunshine and my dreams, I
20:39felt someone pulling at my sleeve. It
20:41was my father.
20:42Come on, son.
20:44We marched.
20:46Gates opened and closed. We continued to
20:48march between the barbed wire.
20:51At every step, white signs with black
20:53skulls looked down on us. The
20:55inscription, warning, danger of death.
20:58Psh, what irony.
21:00Was there here a single place where one
21:02was not in danger of death?
21:05The gypsies had stopped next to a
21:06barrack.
21:07They were replaced by SS men who
21:09encircled us with machine guns and
21:11police dogs.
21:12The march had lasted half an hour.
21:15Looking around me, I noticed that the
21:16barbed wire was behind us. We had left
21:19the camp.
21:21It was a beautiful day in May.
21:23Fragrances of spring were in the air.
21:25The sun was setting.
21:27But no sooner had we taken a few more
21:29steps than we saw the barbed wire of
21:31another camp.
21:33This one had an iron gate with the
21:35overhead inscription,
21:37Arbeit macht frei, work makes you free.
21:41Auschwitz.
21:44First impression, better than Birkenau.
21:47Cement buildings with two stories rather
21:49than wooden barracks. Little gardens
21:51here and there.
21:53We were led toward one of those blocks.
21:55Seated on the ground by the entrance, we
21:57began to wait again.
21:58From time to time, somebody was allowed
22:00to go in.
22:01These were the showers, a compulsory
22:03routine. Going from one camp to the
22:05other several times a day, we had, each
22:07time, to go through them.
22:09After the hot shower, we stood shivering
22:11in the darkness. Our clothes had been
22:13left behind.
22:15We had been promised other clothes.
22:17Around midnight, we were told to run.
22:19Faster! The faster you run, the faster
22:22you'll get to sleep.
22:24After a few minutes of racing madly, we
22:26came to a new block.
22:28The man in charge was waiting.
22:30He was a young Pole
22:31who was smiling at us.
22:33He began to talk to us, and despite our
22:34weariness, we listened attentively.
22:37"Comrades,
22:39you are now in the concentration camp
22:41Auschwitz.
22:43Ahead of you lies a long road paved with
22:45suffering.
22:46Don't lose hope. You have already eluded
22:50the worst danger, the selection.
22:52Therefore, muster your strength and keep
22:54your faith. We shall all see the day of
22:57liberation. Have faith in life, a
22:59thousand times faith.
23:01By driving out despair, you will move
23:03away from death.
23:05Hell does not last forever.
23:07And now, here is a prayer, or rather a
23:10piece of advice.
23:12Let there be camaraderie among you. We
23:14are all brothers and share the same
23:16fate. The same smoke hovers over all our
23:19heads.
23:20Help each other.
23:22That is the only way to survive.
23:24And now, enough said. You are tired.
23:27Listen, you are in block 17. I am
23:30responsible for keeping order here.
23:32Anyone with a complaint may come to see
23:34me.
23:35That is all.
23:36Go to sleep.
23:38Two people to a bunk.
23:40Good night."
23:42Those were the first human words.
23:46No sooner had we climbed into our bunks
23:48than we fell into a deep sleep.
23:51The next morning, the veteran inmates
23:53treated us without brutality.
23:56We went to wash. We were given new
23:57clothing. They brought us black coffee.
24:01We left the block around 10:00 so it
24:03would be cleaned.
24:04Outside, the sun warmed us.
24:06Our morale was much improved. A good
24:09night's sleep had done its work.
24:11Friends met, exchanged a few sentences.
24:13We spoke of everything without ever
24:15mentioning those who had disappeared.
24:17The prevailing opinion was that the war
24:19was about to end.
24:21At about noon, we were brought some
24:22soup, one bowl of thick soup for each of
24:25us. I was terribly hungry, yet I refused
24:28to touch it.
24:29I was still the spoiled child of long
24:31ago.
24:32My father swallowed my ration.
24:35We then had a short nap in the shade of
24:37the block.
24:38The SS officer in the muddy barrack must
24:40have been lying. Auschwitz was, after
24:42all, a convalescent home.
24:45In the afternoon, they made us line up.
24:47Three prisoners brought a table and some
24:49medical instruments. We were told to
24:51roll up our left sleeves and file past
24:53the table.
24:55The three veteran prisoners, needles in
24:57hand, tattooed numbers on our left arms.
25:01I became A-7713.
25:04From then on, I had no other name.
25:09At dusk, a roll call.
25:11The work commandos had returned. The
25:13orchestra played military marches near
25:15the camp entrance.
25:16Tens of thousands of inmates stood in
25:18rows while the SS checked their numbers.
25:21After the roll call, the prisoners from
25:23all the blocks dispersed looking for
25:25friends, relatives, or neighbors among
25:27the arrivals of the last latest convoy.
25:31Days went by.
25:33In the mornings, black coffee.
25:35At midday, soup.
25:37By the third day, I was eagerly eating
25:39any kind of soup.
25:41At 6:00 in the afternoon, roll call
25:43followed by bread with something. At
25:469:00, bedtime.
25:49We had already been in Auschwitz for 8
25:50days.
25:52It was after roll call. We stood waiting
25:54for the bell announcing its end.
25:56Suddenly, I noticed someone passing
25:57between the rows.
25:59I heard him ask, "Who among you is
26:01Wiesel from Sighet?"
26:03A person looking for us was a small
26:06fellow with spectacles and a wizened
26:08face.
26:09My father answered, "That's me. Wiesel
26:12from Sighet?"
26:14The fellow's eyes narrowed.
26:16He took a long look at my father.
26:18"You don't know me?
26:20You don't recognize me? I'm your
26:22relative, Stein. Already forgotten?
26:24Stein, Stein from Antwerp. Reizel's
26:28husband. Your wife was Reizel's aunt.
26:30She wrote to us in such letters.
26:34My father had not recognized him. He
26:36must have barely known him, always being
26:38up to his neck in communal affairs and
26:40not knowledgeable in family matters.
26:42He was always elsewhere, lost in
26:44thought.
26:45Once a cousin came to see us in Sighet.
26:47She had stayed at our house and eaten at
26:49our table for 2 weeks before my father
26:51noticed her presence for the first time.
26:54No, he did not remember Stein.
26:56I recognized him right away. I had known
26:59Ryssel, his wife, before she had left
27:01for Belgium.
27:02He told us that he had been deported in
27:041942.
27:06He said, "I heard people say that a
27:07transport had arrived from your region,
27:10and I came to look for you. I thought
27:11you might have some news of Ryssel and
27:13my two small boys who stayed in
27:15Antwerp."
27:17I knew nothing about them.
27:19Since 1940, my mother had not received a
27:21single letter from them.
27:23But I lied.
27:24"Yes, my mother did hear from them.
27:27Ryssel is fine. So are the children."
27:31He was weeping with joy.
27:33He would have liked to stay longer to
27:34learn more details, to soak up the good
27:36news, but an SS was heading in our
27:38direction and he had to go, telling us
27:40that he would come back the late next
27:42day.
27:44The bell announced that we were
27:45dismissed.
27:46We went to fetch the evening meal, bread
27:48and margarine.
27:49I was terribly hungry and swallowed my
27:51ration on the spot.
27:53My father told me, "You mustn't eat all
27:56at once. Tomorrow is another day."
28:00But seeing that his advice had come too
28:01late and that there was nothing left of
28:03my ration, he didn't even start his own.
28:06"Me?
28:07I'm not hungry." he said.
28:10We remained in Auschwitz for 3 weeks.
28:13We had nothing to do. We slept a lot.
28:16In the afternoon and at night.
28:19Our one goal was to avoid transports, to
28:22stay here as long as possible. It wasn't
28:24difficult. It was enough never to sign
28:26up as a skilled worker.
28:27The unskilled were kept until the end.
28:30At the start of the third week, our
28:32Blockältester was removed. He was judged
28:34too humane.
29:35"A transport just arrived from Antwerp.
29:37I shall go to see them tomorrow. Surely
29:39they'll have news."
29:41He left.
29:43We never saw him again.
29:45He had been given the news.
29:48The real news.
29:51Evenings as we lay on our cots, we
29:53sometimes tried to sing a few Hasidic
29:55melodies.
29:57Akiba Drumer would break our hearts with
29:59his deep, grave voice.
30:02Some of the men spoke of God,
30:04his mysterious ways, the sins of the
30:06Jewish people, and the redemption to
30:08come.
30:09As for me,
30:11I had ceased to pray.
30:13I concurred with Job. I was not denying
30:16his existence, but I doubted his
30:17absolute justice.
30:19Akiba Drumer said, "God is testing us.
30:23He wants to see whether we are capable
30:25of overcoming our base instincts, of
30:27killing the Satan within ourselves. We
30:30have no right to despair. And if he
30:32punishes us mercilessly,
30:34it is a sign that he loves us that much
30:36more.
30:38Hirsch Canood, well versed in Kabbalah,
30:41spoke of the end of the world and the
30:42coming of the Messiah.
30:44From time to time in the middle of all
30:46that talk,
30:47a thought crossed my mind.
30:50Where is mother right now?
30:53And Zipporah?
30:55"Mother is still a young woman." My
30:57father once said. "She must be in a
31:00labor camp and Zipporah, she's a big
31:02girl now. She too must be in a camp."
31:07How we would have liked to believe that.
31:10We pretended.
31:11For what if one of us still did believe?
31:15All the skilled workers had already been
31:16sent to other camps.
31:18Only about a hundred of us simple
31:20laborers were left.
31:22"Today, it's your turn." announced the
31:24block secretary. "You are leaving with
31:26the next transport."
31:29At 10:00, we were handed our daily
31:31ration of bread.
31:33A dozen or so SS surrounded us.
31:35At the gate, the sign proclaimed that
31:37work meant freedom.
31:39We were counted and there we were in the
31:42countryside on a sunny road.
31:45In the sky, a few small white clouds.
31:48We were walking slowly.
31:50The guards were in no hurry.
31:52We were glad of it.
31:54As we were passing through some of the
31:55villages, many Germans watched us
31:58showing no surprise.
31:59No doubt they had seen quite a few of
32:01these processions.
32:03On the way, we saw some young German
32:05girls.
32:06The guards began to tease them.
32:08The girls giggled.
32:10They allowed themselves to be kissed and
32:12tickled bursting with laughter.
32:14They all were laughing, joking, and
32:16passing love notes to one another.
32:19At least during all that time, we
32:21endured neither shouting nor blows.
32:24After 4 hours, we arrived at the new
32:26camp,
32:27Buna.
32:29The iron gate closed behind us.
32:41Mhm.

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