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AB Night Chapter One — Transcript

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0:04Night Chapter 1.
0:07They called him Moisha the Beetle, as if
0:09his entire life he had never had a
0:11surname. He was the jack of all trades
0:13in the hidic house of prayer, a stibble.
0:16The Jews of Sigette, the little town in
0:18Transennsylvania where I spent my
0:20childhood, were fond of him. He was poor
0:22and lived in utter penery. As a rule,
0:25our town's people, while they did help
0:26the needy, did not particularly like
0:29them. Moisture the Beetle was the
0:31exception. He stayed out of people's
0:33way. His presence bothered no one. He
0:36had mastered the art of rendering
0:37himself insignificant, invisible.
0:41Physically, he was as awkward as a
0:43clown. His waifelike shyness made people
0:45smile. As for me, I liked his wide,
0:48dreamy eyes gazing off into the
0:50distance. He spoke little. He sang or
0:54rather he chanted and the few snatches I
0:56caught here and there spoke of divine
0:58suffering of the sheckcha in exile where
1:00according to Cabala it awaits its
1:02redemption linked to that of man. I met
1:05him in 1941.
1:07I was almost 13 and deeply observant. By
1:11day I studied Talmud and by night I
1:13would run to the synagogue to weep over
1:15the destruction of the temple. One day I
1:18asked my father to find me a master who
1:20could guide me in my studies of Cabala.
1:23You are too young for that. Mayanites
1:25tell us that one must be 30 before
1:27venturing into the world of mysticism, a
1:30world fraught with peril. First, you
1:32must study the basic subjects, those you
1:35are able to comprehend.
1:37My father was a cultured man, rather
1:39unscentimental. He rarely displayed his
1:42feelings, not even within his family,
1:44and was more involved with the welfare
1:45of others than with that of his own kin.
1:48The Jewish community of Seigette held
1:50him in highest esteem. His advice on
1:53public and even private matters was
1:55frequently sought. There were four of us
1:57children. Hilda, the eldest, then Beia.
2:01I was a third and the only son. Sapora
2:03was the youngest. My parents ran a
2:06store. Hilda and Beia helped with the
2:08work. As for me, my place was in the
2:10house of study, or so they said.
2:13There are no cabalists in Se yet, my
2:15father would often tell me. He wanted to
2:18drive the idea of studying Cabala from
2:20my mind. In vain, I succeeded on my own
2:23in finding a master for myself in the
2:25person of Moa the Beetle. He had watched
2:28me one day as I prayed at dusk.
2:30Why do you cry when you pray? He asked
2:34as though he knew me well.
2:36I don't know, I answered troubled. I had
2:40never asked myself that question. I
2:42cried because because something inside
2:46me felt the need to cry. That was all I
2:48knew. Why do you pray? He asked after a
2:52moment. Why did I pray? Strange
2:55question. Why did I live? Why did I
2:58breathe?
3:00I don't know, I told him, even more
3:03troubled and ill at ease.
3:05I don't know. From that day on, I saw
3:09him often. He explained to me with great
3:11emphasis that every question possessed a
3:14power that was lost in the answer.
3:16Man comes closer to God through the
3:18question he asks him. He liked to say.
3:22Therein lies true dialogue. Man asks and
3:25God replies. But we don't understand his
3:28replies. We cannot understand them
3:31because they dwell in the depths of our
3:33souls and remain there until we die. The
3:36real answers, Elizer, you will find only
3:39within yourself.
3:41And why do you pray, Moisha? I asked
3:44him.
3:45I pray to the God within me for the
3:48strength to ask him the real questions.
3:51We spoke that way almost every evening,
3:53remaining in the synagogue long after
3:55all the faithful had gone, sitting in
3:57the semi darkness where only a few
3:59half-burnt candles provided a flickering
4:01light.
4:03One evening I told him how unhappy I was
4:06not to be able to find and see a master
4:08to teach me the zor, the cobalistic
4:10works, the secrets of Jewish mysticism.
4:13He smiled indulgently. After a long
4:16silence, he said,
4:18"There are a thousand and1 gates
4:21allowing entry into the orchard of
4:22mystical truth. Every human being has
4:26his own gate. He must not heir and wish
4:28to enter the orchard through a gate
4:30other than his own. That would present a
4:33danger not only for the one entering,
4:35but also for those who are already
4:38inside."
4:39and Moista the Beetle, the poorest of
4:42the poor of Siget, spoke to me for hours
4:44on end about the Cabala's revelations
4:46and its mysteries.
4:49Thus began my initiation.
4:51Together we would read over and over
4:53again the same page of the Zor, not to
4:56learn it by heart, but to discover
4:58within the very essence of divinity.
5:02And then the course of those evenings, I
5:04became convinced that Moisha the beetle
5:06would help me enter eternity into that
5:09time when question and answer would
5:11become one.
5:15And then one day all foreign Jews were
5:18expelled from Sigette and Moisha the
5:20beetle was a foreigner.
5:23Cramm into cattle cars by the Hungarian
5:25police, they cried silently. Standing on
5:28the station platform, we too were
5:30crying.
5:32The train disappeared over the horizon.
5:34All that was left was thick, dirty
5:36smoke.
5:38Behind me, someone said, sighing.
5:42What do you expect? That's war.
5:45The deportes were quickly forgotten. A
5:48few days after they left, it was rumored
5:49that they were in Galacia working, and
5:52even that they were content with their
5:54fate. Days went by, then weeks and
5:57months. Life was normal again. A calm,
6:01reassuring wind blew through our homes.
6:04The shopkeepers were doing good
6:05business. The students lived among their
6:08books and the children played in the
6:09streets. One day, as I was about to
6:13enter the synagogue, I saw Moista the
6:15Beatles sitting on a bench near the
6:16entrance. He told me what had happened
6:19to him and his companions.
6:22The train with the deportiz had crossed
6:24the Hungarian border and once in Polish
6:27territory had been taken over by the
6:29Gestapo. The train had stopped. The Jews
6:33were ordered to get off and onto waiting
6:35trucks. The trucks headed toward a
6:37forest.
6:39There everybody was ordered to get out.
6:41They were forced to dig huge trenches.
6:44When they had finished their work, the
6:46men from the Gestapo began theirs.
6:49Without passion or haste, they shot
6:51their prisoners who were forced to
6:53approach the trench one by one and offer
6:56their necks.
6:58Infants were tossed into the air and
7:00used as targets for the machine guns.
7:03This took place in the Galatian forest
7:05near Colame.
7:07How had he, Moisha the Beetle, been able
7:10to escape?
7:12By a miracle, he was wounded in the leg
7:14and left for dead.
7:17Day after day, night after night, he
7:20went from one Jewish house to the next,
7:22telling his story and that of Mala, the
7:24young girl who lay dying for three days,
7:26and that of Toby, the tor who begged to
7:29die before his sons were killed.
7:32Moa was not the same. The joy in his
7:34eyes was gone. He no longer sang. He no
7:38longer mentioned either God or Cabala.
7:42He spoke only of what he had seen. But
7:45people not only refused to believe his
7:47tales, they refused to listen. Some even
7:50insinuated that he only wanted their
7:51pity, that he was imagining things.
7:54Others flatly said they thought he had
7:56gone mad. As for Moa, he wept and
8:00pleaded. Jews, listen to me. That's all
8:04I ask of you. No money, no pity. Just
8:07listen to me. He kept shouting in
8:10synagogue between the prayer at dusk and
8:12the evening prayer.
8:14Even I did not believe him. I often sat
8:17with him after services and listened to
8:20his tales trying to understand his
8:21grief. But all I felt was pity.
8:25"They think I'm mad," he whispered in
8:28tears like drops of wax flowed from his
8:31eyes.
8:33"Once I asked him the question, why do
8:36you want people to believe you so much?
8:38In your place, I would not care whether
8:40they believed me or not."
8:43He closed his eyes as if to escape time.
8:46"You don't understand," he said in
8:49despair. "You cannot understand. I was
8:52saved miraculously. I succeeded in
8:55coming back. Where did I get my
8:57strength? I wanted to return to see to
9:00describe to you my death so that you
9:02might ready yourselves while there's
9:04still time. Life, I no longer care to
9:07live. I am alone." But I wanted to come
9:09back to warn you. only no one is
9:12listening to me.
9:15This was toward the end of 1942.
9:19Thereafter, life seemed normal once
9:21again. London radio, which we listen to
9:24every evening, announced encouraging
9:26news. The daily bombings of Germany and
9:29Stalingrad, the preparation of the
9:31second front. And so we, the Jews of
9:33Siget, waited for better days that
9:35surely were soon to come. I continued to
9:38devote myself to my studies. Talmud
9:41during the day and Cabala at night. My
9:44father took care of his business and the
9:45community. My grandfather came to spend
9:48Rashashana with us at so as to attend
9:50the services of the celebrated Rebe of
9:52Bourch. My mother was beginning to think
9:54it was high time to find an appropriate
9:56match for Hilda.
9:58Thus passed the year 1943.
10:03Spring 1944.
10:05Splendid news from the Russian front.
10:08There could no longer be any doubt
10:10Germany would be defeated. It was only a
10:12matter of time, months or weeks perhaps.
10:15The trees were in bloom. It was a year
10:17like so many others with its spring, its
10:20engagements, its weddings, and its
10:22births. The people were saying, "The Red
10:25Army is advancing with giant strides.
10:27Hitler will not be able to harm us even
10:29if he wants to." Yes, we even doubted
10:33his resolve to exterminate us.
10:35Annihilate an entire people,
10:38wipe out a population dispersed
10:40throughout so many nations, so many
10:42millions of people. By what means? In
10:45the middle of the 20th century?
10:48And thus my elders concerned themselves
10:50with all manners of things, strategy,
10:53diplomacy, politics, and Zionism, but
10:56not with their own fate.
10:58Even Moista the beetle had fallen
11:00silent.
11:02He was weary of talking. He would drift
11:04through synagogue or through the
11:06streets, hunched over, eyes cast down,
11:08avoiding people's gaze.
11:11In those days, it was still possible to
11:13buy immigration certificates to
11:14Palestine. I had asked my father to sell
11:17everything, to liquidate everything, and
11:19to leave. I am too old, my son, he
11:23answered. Too old to start a new life,
11:25too old to start from scratch in some
11:27distant land.
11:29Budapest radio announced that the
11:31fascist party had seized power. The
11:34regent, Michelos Horthy, was forced to
11:36ask a leader of the pro-Nazi neolist
11:39party to form a new government.
11:41Yet, we still were not worried. Of
11:45course, we had heard of the fascist, but
11:46it was all in the abstract and meant
11:49nothing more to us than a change of
11:50ministry.
11:53The next day brought really disquing
11:55news. German troops had penetrated
11:58Hungarian territory with the
11:59government's approval.
12:02Finally, people began to worry in
12:03earnest. One of my friends, Moses
12:06Burkowitz, returned from the capital for
12:08Passover and told us, "The Jews of
12:10Budapest live in an atmosphere of fear
12:12and terror. Anti-Semitic acts take place
12:15every day in the streets, on the trains.
12:18The fascists attack Jewish stores,
12:20synagogues. The situation is becoming
12:23very serious.
12:25The news spread through Sigette like
12:27wildfire.
12:28Soon that was all people talked about,
12:32but not for long. Optimism soon revived.
12:37The Germans will not come this far.
12:39They'll stay in Budapest for strategic
12:42reasons, for political reasons.
12:46In less than 3 days, German army
12:48vehicles made their appearance on our
12:51streets.
12:55Anguish.
12:56German soldiers with their steel helmets
12:58and their death's head emblem. Still,
13:02our first impressions of the Germans
13:04were rather reassuring. The officers
13:06were billeted in private homes, even in
13:08Jewish homes. Their attitude toward
13:11their hosts was distant but polite. They
13:14never demanded the impossible, made no
13:16offensive remarks, and sometimes even
13:18smiled at the lady of the house.
13:21A German officer lodged in the Khan's
13:23house across the street from us. We were
13:25told he was a charming man, calm,
13:28likable, and polite. 3 days after he
13:31moved in, he brought Mrs. Khan a box of
13:33chocolates. The optimist were jubilant.
13:37Well, what did we tell you? You wouldn't
13:39believe us. There they are, your
13:42Germans. What do you say now? Where's
13:44their famous cruelty?
13:47The Germans were already in our town.
13:50The fascists were already in power. The
13:52verdict was already out. And the Jews of
13:55Sigette were still smiling.
14:00The 8 days of Passover.
14:03The weather was sublime. My mother was
14:05busy in the kitchen. The synagogues were
14:07no longer open. People gathered in
14:10private homes. No need to provoke the
14:12Germans. Almost every rabbi's home
14:15became a house of prayer. We drank, we
14:18ate, we sang. The Bible commands us to
14:21rejoice during the 8 days of
14:22celebration, but our hearts were not in
14:25it. We wished the holiday would end so
14:27as not to have to pretend.
14:30On the seventh day of Passover, the
14:31curtain finally rose. The Germans
14:34arrested the leaders of the Jewish
14:36community.
14:38From that moment on, everything happened
14:40very quickly. The race toward death had
14:43begun.
14:44First edict, Jews were prohibited from
14:47leaving their residences for 3 days
14:49under penalty of death. Moista the
14:52beetle came running to our house. "I
14:54warned you," he shouted and left without
14:57waiting for a response.
15:01The same day, the Hungarian police burst
15:03into every Jewish home in town. A Jew
15:05was henceforth forbidden to own gold,
15:08jewelry, or any valuables. Everything
15:10had to be handed over to the authorities
15:13under penalty of death. My father went
15:16down to the seller and buried our
15:17savings. As for my mother, she went on
15:20tending to the many chores in the house.
15:23Sometimes she would stop and gaze at us
15:25in silence.
15:283 days later, a new decree. Every Jew
15:31had to wear the yellow star.
15:34Some prominent members of the community
15:36came to consult with my father, who had
15:38connections at the upper levels of the
15:39Hungarian police. They wanted to know
15:41what he thought of the situation. My
15:44father's view was that it was not all
15:46bleak. Or perhaps he just did not want
15:48to discourage the others to throw salt
15:50on their wounds. The yellow star. So
15:54what? It's not lethal.
15:56Poor father. Of what then did you die?
16:00But new edicts were already being
16:02issued. We no longer had the right to
16:04frequent restaurants or cafes, to travel
16:07by rail, to attend synagogue, to be on
16:10the streets after 6:00 in the evening.
16:13Then came the ghettos.
16:17Two ghettos were created in Sigette. A
16:19large one in the center of town occupied
16:21four streets, and another small one
16:23extended over several alleyways on the
16:26outskirts of town. The street we lived
16:28on, Serpent Street, was in the first
16:30ghetto. We therefore could remain in our
16:33house, but as it occupied a corner, the
16:35windows facing the street outside the
16:37ghetto had to be sealed. We gave some of
16:40our rooms to relatives who had been
16:41driven out of their homes. Little by
16:44little, life returned to normal. The
16:47barbed wire that encircled us like a
16:49wall did not fill us with real fear. In
16:52fact, we felt this was not a bad thing.
16:54We were entirely among ourselves.
16:58A small Jewish republic, a Jewish
17:00council was appointed, as well as a
17:03Jewish police force, a welfare agency, a
17:05labor committee, a health agency, a
17:08whole governmental apparatus.
17:11People thought this was a good thing. We
17:13would no longer have to look at all
17:14those hostile faces, endure those
17:17hate-filled staires, no more fear, no
17:20more anguish. We would live among Jews,
17:22among brothers. Of course, there still
17:25were unpleasant moments. Every day, the
17:28Germans came looking for men to load
17:30coal into the military trains.
17:32Volunteers for this kind of work were
17:34few, but apart from that, the atmosphere
17:36was oddly peaceful and reassuring. Most
17:40people thought we would remain in the
17:41ghetto until the end of the war, until
17:43the arrival of the Red Army. Afterward,
17:45everything would be as before. The
17:47ghetto was ruled by neither German nor
17:50Jew. It was ruled by delusion.
17:54Some two weeks before Shiovout, a sunny
17:57spring day, people strolled seemingly
18:00carefree through the crowded streets.
18:02They exchanged cheerful greetings.
18:04Children played games, rolling hazelnuts
18:06on the sidewalks. Some schoolmates and I
18:08were in Ezra Malik's garden studying a
18:10talmudic treatise.
18:13Nightfell.
18:15Some 20 people had gathered in our
18:17courtyard. My father was sharing some
18:19anecdotes and holding forth on his
18:21opinion of the situation.
18:22He was a good storyteller.
18:25Suddenly, the gate opened and Stern, a
18:28former shopkeeper who now was a
18:29policeman, entered and took my father's
18:31side. Despite the growing darkness, I
18:34could see my father turned pale.
18:37What's wrong? We asked. I don't know.
18:40I've been summoned to a special meeting
18:42of the council. Something must have
18:43happened. The story he had interrupted
18:46would remain unfinished.
18:48I'm going right now, he said. I'll
18:50return as soon as possible. I'll tell
18:52you everything. Wait for me. We were
18:55ready to wait as long as necessary. The
18:57courtyard turned into something like an
18:59antichamber to an operating room. We
19:02stood waiting for the door to open.
19:04Neighbors hearing the rumors had joined
19:07us. We stared at our watches. Time had
19:11slowed down. What was the meaning of
19:13such a long session?
19:15I have a bad feeling, said my mother.
19:18This afternoon, I saw new faces in the
19:20ghetto. Two German officers. I believe
19:23they were Gestapo. Since we've been
19:26here, we have not seen a single officer.
19:29It was close to midnight. Nobody felt
19:32like going to sleep, though some people
19:34briefly went to check on their homes.
19:36Others left, but asked to be called as
19:38soon as my father returned.
19:40At last, the door opened and he
19:42appeared. His face was drained of color.
19:46He was quickly surrounded. Tell us, tell
19:48us what's happening. Say something.
19:51At that moment, we were so anxious to
19:53hear something encouraging. A few words
19:55telling us that there was nothing to
19:57worry about, that the meeting had been
19:58routine, just a review of welfare and
20:01health problems. But one glance at my
20:03father's face left no doubt.
20:07The news is terrible, he said at last,
20:10and then one word.
20:13Transports.
20:15The ghetto was to be liquidated
20:18entirely.
20:19Departures were to take place street by
20:21street starting the next day. We wanted
20:24to know everything, every detail. We
20:26were stunned. Yet, we wanted to fully
20:28absorb the bitter news. Where will they
20:31take us? That was a secret. A secret for
20:34all except one, the president of the
20:37Jewish council. But he would not tell or
20:40could not tell. The Gustapo had
20:43threatened to shoot him if he talked.
20:46There are rumors, my father said, his
20:50voice breaking, that we are being taken
20:52somewhere in Hungary to work in the
20:55brick factories. It seems that here we
20:58are too close to the front.
21:01After a moment's silence, he added,
21:03"Each of us will be allowed to bring his
21:05personal belongings. A backpack, some
21:08food, a few items of clothing, nothing
21:10else."
21:12again. Heavy silence. "Go and wake the
21:16neighbors," said my father. "They must
21:18get ready."
21:20The shadows around me roused themselves
21:22as if from a deep sleep and left
21:24silently in every direction.
21:26For a moment, we remained alone.
21:30Suddenly, Batia Reich, a relative who
21:32lived with us, entered the room. Someone
21:35is knocking at the sealed window, the
21:37one that faces outside.
21:39It was only after the war that I found
21:41out who had knocked that night. It was
21:44an inspector of the Hungarian police, a
21:47friend of my father's. Before we enter
21:49the ghetto, he had told us, "Don't
21:52worry, I'll warn you if there's danger."
21:54Had he been able to speak to us that
21:56night, we might still have been able to
21:58flee. But by the time we succeeded in
22:01opening the window, it was too late.
22:03There was nobody outside.
22:06The ghetto was awake. One after the
22:09other, the lights were going on behind
22:11the windows. I went into the house of
22:13one of my father's friends. I woke the
22:16head of the household, a man with a gray
22:18beard and the gaze of a dreamer. His
22:20back was hunched over from untold nights
22:22spent studying.
22:24Get up, sir. Get up. You must ready for
22:28the journey. Tomorrow you will be
22:30expelled. You and your family. You and
22:32all the other Jews. Where too? Please
22:34don't ask me, sir. Don't ask questions.
22:36God alone could answer you. For heaven's
22:39sake, get up. He had no idea what I was
22:42talking about. He probably thought I had
22:44lost my mind. What are you saying? Get
22:47ready for the journey. What journey?
22:49Why? What is happening? Have you gone
22:52mad?
22:53Half asleep, he was staring at me. His
22:56eyes filled with terror as though he
22:58expected me to burst out laughing and
22:59tell him to go back to bed, to sleep, to
23:02dream, that nothing had happened. It was
23:06all inest. My throat was dry and the
23:09words were choking me, paralyzing my
23:11lips. There was nothing else to say.
23:14At last, he understood. He got out of
23:17bed and began to dress automatically.
23:20Then he went over to the bed where his
23:21wife lay sleeping and with infinite
23:23tenderness touched her forehead. She
23:26opened her eyes and it seemed to me that
23:28a smile crossed her lips. Then he went
23:31to wake his two children. They woke with
23:33a start. Torn from their dreams, I fled.
23:38Time went by quickly. It was already
23:404:00 in the morning. My father was
23:42running right and left, exhausted,
23:44consoling friends, checking with the
23:46Jewish council just in case the order
23:48had been rescended. To the last moment,
23:51people clung to hope. The women were
23:54boiling eggs, roasting meat, preparing
23:56cake, sewing backpacks. The children
23:58were wandering about aimlessly, not
24:00knowing what to do with themselves to
24:02stay out of the way of the grown-ups.
24:04Our backyard looked like a marketplace.
24:07Valuable objects, precious rugs, silver
24:09candlesticks, Bibles, and other ritual
24:11objects were strown over the dusty
24:13grounds. Pitiful relics that seemed
24:16never to have had a home. All this under
24:19a magnificent blue sky.
24:23By 8:00 in the morning, weariness had
24:25settled into our veins, our limbs, our
24:27brains. It's like molten lead. I was in
24:29the midst of prayer when suddenly they
24:31were shouting in the streets. I quickly
24:34unwound my felactories and ran to the
24:36window. Hungarian police had entered the
24:39ghetto and were yelling in the street
24:40nearby, "All Jews outside. Hurry."
24:45They were followed by Jewish police who,
24:47their voices breaking, told us, "The
24:50time has come. You must leave all this."
24:55The Hungarian police used their rifle
24:56butts, their clubs to indiscriminately
24:59strike old men and women, children and
25:02cripples. One by one, the houses emptied
25:05and the streets filled with people
25:06carrying bundles. By 10:00, everyone was
25:09outside. The police were taking roll
25:12calls once, twice, 20 times. The heat
25:16was oppressive. Sweat stream from
25:19people's faces and bodies. Children were
25:22crying for water. Water. There was water
25:25close by inside the houses, the
25:27backyards, but it was forbidden to break
25:30rank. Water, mother, I'm thirsty.
25:35Some of the Jewish police
25:36surreptitiously went to fill a few jugs.
25:39My sisters and I were still allowed to
25:40move about as we were destined for the
25:42last convoy, and so we helped as best we
25:44could.
25:46At last, at 1:00 in the afternoon came
25:48the signal to leave. There was joy. Yes,
25:52joy. People must have thought there
25:54could be no greater torment in God's
25:56hell than that of being stranded here on
25:57the sidewalk among the bundles in the
26:00middle of the street under a blazing
26:01sun. Anything seemed preferable to that.
26:05They began to walk without another
26:07glance at the abandoned streets, the
26:09dead empty houses, the gardens, the
26:12tombstones.
26:14On everyone's back there was a sack and
26:16everyone's eyes tears and distress.
26:20Slowly, heavily, the procession advanced
26:23toward the gate of the ghetto. And there
26:26I was on the sidewalk, watching them
26:28file past, unable to move. Here came the
26:32chief rabbi, hunched over, his face
26:34strange looking without a beard, a
26:36bundle on his back. His very presence in
26:39the procession was enough to make the
26:41scene seem surreal. It was like a page
26:43torn from a book, a historical novel
26:45perhaps, dealing with a captivity in
26:48Babylon or the Spanish Inquisition.
26:51They passed me by one after the other.
26:54My teachers, my friends, the others,
26:56some of whom I had once feared, some of
26:59whom I had once found ridiculous. All
27:02those whose lives I had shared for
27:04years. There they went, defeated, their
27:08bundles, their lives in tow, having left
27:10behind their homes, their childhood.
27:13They passed me by like beaten dogs with
27:16never a glance in my direction. They
27:18must have envied me. The procession
27:21disappeared around the corner. A few
27:23steps more and they were beyond the
27:24ghetto walls.
27:26The street resembled fairgrounds,
27:28deserted in haste. There was a little of
27:30everything. suitcases, briefcases, bags,
27:33knives, dishes, banknotes, papers, faded
27:36portraits. All the things one planned to
27:39take along and finally left behind. They
27:41had ceased to matter.
27:43Open rooms everywhere, gaping doors and
27:46windows looked out into the void. It all
27:50belonged to everyone since it no longer
27:52belonged to anyone. It was there for the
27:55taking. An open tomb,
27:58a summer sun.
28:02We had spent the day without food, but
28:03we were not really hungry. We were
28:05exhausted.
28:07My father had accompanied the deportes
28:09as far as the ghetto's gate. They first
28:12had been herded through the main
28:13synagogue, where they were thoroughly
28:14searched to make sure they were not
28:16carrying away gold, silver, or any other
28:18valuables. There had been incidents of
28:20hysteria and harsh blows. "When will it
28:23be our turn?" I asked my father. the day
28:27after tomorrow. Unless things work out,
28:30a miracle, perhaps.
28:33Where were the people being taken? Did
28:36anyone know yet? No. The secret was
28:39wellkept.
28:41Night had fallen. That evening, we went
28:44to bed early. My father said, "Sleep
28:47peacefully, children. Nothing will
28:49happen until the day after tomorrow,
28:52Tuesday."
28:54Monday went by like a small summer
28:56cloud, like a dream in the first hours
28:58of dawn. Intent on preparing our
29:00backpacks, on baking breads and cakes,
29:03we no longer thought about anything. The
29:06verdict had been delivered.
29:08That evening, our mother made us go to
29:10bed early to conserve our strength, she
29:12said. It was to be the last night spent
29:15in our house.
29:17I was up at dawn. I wanted to have time
29:19to pray before leaving. My father had
29:22risen before all of us to seek
29:24information in town. He returned around
29:268:00. Good news, we were not leaving
29:29town today. We were only moving to the
29:31small ghetto. That is where we were to
29:33wait for the last transport. We would be
29:35the last to leave. At 9:00, the previous
29:39Sunday scenes were repeated. Policemen
29:42wielding clubs were shouting, "All Jews
29:44outside."
29:47We were ready. I went out first. I did
29:50not want to look at my parents' faces. I
29:53did not want to break into tears. We
29:55remained sitting in the middle of the
29:57street like the others two days earlier.
29:59The same hellish sun, the same thirst,
30:02only there was no one left to bring us
30:04water. I looked at my house in which I
30:07had spent years seeking my God,
30:10fasting to hasten the coming of the
30:12Messiah, imagining what my life would be
30:14like later. Yet, I felt little sadness.
30:18My mind was empty. Get up. Roll call. We
30:23stood. We recounted. We sat down. We got
30:27up again. Over and over. We waited
30:30impatiently to be taken away. What were
30:33they waiting for? Finally, the order
30:35came. Forward. March.
30:39My father was crying. It was the first
30:42time I saw him cry. I had never thought
30:45it was possible.
30:47As for my mother, she was walking, her
30:50face a mask, without a word, deep in
30:53thought. I looked at my little sister,
30:55Sapora, her blonde hair neatly combed,
30:58her red coat over her arm, a little girl
31:01of seven.
31:03On her back, a bag too heavy for her.
31:07She was clenching her teeth. She already
31:09knew it was useless to complain. Here
31:12and there, the police were lashing out
31:13with their clubs. Faster.
31:16I had no strength left. The journey had
31:19just begun and I already felt so weak.
31:22Faster, move, faster, move, you lazy,
31:25good for nothings. The Hungarian police
31:28were screaming.
31:30That was when I began to hate them. And
31:33my hatred remains our only link today.
31:37They were our first oppressors. They
31:40were the first faces of hell and death.
31:43They ordered us to run. We began to run.
31:47Who would have thought that we were so
31:48strong? From behind their windows, from
31:51behind their shutters, our fellow
31:52citizens watched as we passed. We
31:56finally arrived at our destination.
31:58Throwing down our bundles, we dropped to
32:00the ground. Oh God, master of the
32:03universe, in your infinite compassion,
32:05have mercy on us.
32:09The small ghetto. Only 3 days ago,
32:12people were living here. people who own
32:15the things we were using now. They had
32:17been expelled and we had already
32:19forgotten all about them. The chaos was
32:23even greater here than in the large
32:24ghetto. Its inhabitant evidently had
32:27been caught by surprise. I visited the
32:29rooms that had been occupied by my uncle
32:31Mandel's family. On the table, a
32:34half-finish bowl of soup, a platter of
32:36dough waiting to be baked. Everywhere on
32:39the floor there were books. Had my uncle
32:42meant to take them along?
32:44We settled in. What a word. I went
32:47looking for wood. My sisters lit a fire.
32:49Despite her fatigue, my mother began to
32:51prepare a meal. We cannot give up. We
32:55cannot give up, she kept repeating.
32:58People's morale was not so bad. We were
33:01beginning to get used to the situation.
33:03There were those who even voiced
33:05optimism. "The Germans were running out
33:07of time to expel us," they argued.
33:10Tragically, for those who had already
33:11been deported, it would be too late. As
33:14for us, chances were that we would be
33:16allowed to go on with our miserable
33:17little lives until the end of the war.
33:21The ghetto was not guarded. One could
33:23enter and leave as one pleased. Maria,
33:26our former maid, came to see us. Sob,
33:29she begged us to come with her to her
33:30village, where she had prepared a safe
33:32shelter. My father wouldn't hear of it.
33:35He told me and my big sisters, "If you
33:38wish, go there. I shall stay here with
33:40your mother and the little one.
33:43Naturally, we refused to be separated.
33:47Night. No one was praying for the night
33:50to pass quickly. The stars were but
33:53sparks of the immense confflration that
33:55was consuming us. Were this confflration
33:59to be extinguished one day, nothing
34:01would be left in the sky but extinct
34:03scars and unseeing eyes.
34:06There was nothing else to do but to go
34:08to bed in the beds of those who had
34:10moved on. We needed to rest to gather
34:13our strength. At daybreak, the gloom had
34:16lifted. The mood was more confident.
34:18There were those who said, "Who knows?
34:21They may be sending us away for our own
34:23good. The front is getting closer. We
34:25shall soon hear the guns and then surely
34:28the civilian population will be
34:29evacuated."
34:31They worry less we join the partisans.
34:34As far as I'm concerned, this whole
34:35business of deportation is nothing but a
34:37big farce. Don't laugh. They just want
34:39to steal our valuables and jewelry. They
34:41know that it's all been buried and that
34:43they'll have to dig to find it. So much
34:45easier to do when the owners are on
34:46vacation.
34:48On vacation.
34:50This kind of talk that nobody believed
34:52helped pass the time. The few days we
34:54spent here went by pleasantly enough and
34:57relative calm. People rather got along.
35:00There were no longer was any distinction
35:02between rich and poor, notables and the
35:04others. We were all people condemned to
35:06the same fate, still unknown.
35:11Saturday, the day of rest, was the day
35:13chosen for our expulsion.
35:16The night before we had sat down to the
35:18traditional Friday night meal. We had
35:20said the customary blessings over the
35:22bread and the wine and swallowed the
35:24food in silence. We sensed that we were
35:27gathered around the familial table for
35:29the last time.
35:31I spent that night going over memories
35:33and ideas and was unable to fall asleep.
35:36At dawn, we were in the street ready to
35:39leave. This time there were no Hungarian
35:42police. It had been agreed that the
35:45Jewish council would handle everything
35:47by itself.
35:49Our convoy headed toward the main
35:50synagogue. The town seemed deserted, but
35:54behind the shutters, our friends of
35:56yesterday were probably waiting for the
35:57moment when they could loot our homes.
36:00The synagogue resembled a large railroad
36:02station, baggage and tears. The altar
36:06was shattered, the wall covering
36:08shredded, the walls themselves bare.
36:10There were so many of us, we could
36:12hardly breathe. The 24 hours we spent
36:15there were horrendous. The men were
36:18downstairs, the women upstairs. It was
36:20Saturday, the Sabbath, and it was as
36:23though we were there to attend services.
36:26Forbidden to go outside, people relieved
36:28themselves in a corner. The next
36:31morning, we walked toward the station
36:33where a convoy of cattle cars was
36:34waiting. The Hungarian police made us
36:37climb into the cars, 80 persons in each
36:40one. They handed us some bread, a few
36:44pales of water. They checked the bars on
36:47the windows to make sure they would not
36:48come loose.
36:50The cars were sealed. One person was
36:53placed in charge of every car. If
36:55someone managed to escape, that person
36:57would be shot.
36:59Two Gustapo officers strolled down the
37:01length of the platform. They were all
37:03smiles. All things considered, it had
37:05gone very smoothly.
37:08A prolonged whistle pierced the air. The
37:11wheels began to grind. We were on our
37:14way.
37:16[Music]

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