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A Steven Wright Special - Live HBO Special "On Location" 1985 1080p — Transcript

by Live Music Is Better · 5,080 words · 852 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:14[Music]
0:22[Music]
0:28what
0:58is
1:28d
1:58h
2:28okay
3:28is
3:52ladies and gentlemen Sten
3:58Wright
4:28w
4:37thanks I got a postcard from my friend
4:39George it was a satellite picture of the
4:41entire Earth on the back he wrote wish
4:44you were
4:47[Applause]
4:50here I was doing peyote when I took my
4:54SS I got an
4:581800
5:02went to court for a parking ticket I
5:03pleaded
5:05Insanity I said you're on know why would
5:08anyone in their right mind Park in the
5:09passing
5:17Lane curiosity killed the cat but for a
5:20while I was a
5:28suspect when I die I'm going to leave my
5:30body to science
5:36fiction I was arrested today for
5:38scalping low numbers at the
5:46deli sold the number three for 28
5:53bucks I was once arrested for walking in
5:56someone else's
5:58sleep
6:03i' like to bring a flashlight to the
6:04movies and just have all the rows move
6:06down for no
6:12reason I used to be a narrator for bad
6:21mes I was walking through the forest
6:24alone and a tree fell right in front of
6:25me and I didn't hear
6:28it
6:29[Applause]
6:35are there any
6:38questions I'm feeling kind of
6:50hyper went to the hardware store I
6:52bought some used
6:55paint it was in the shape of a
6:58house
7:02I also bought some batteries but they
7:04weren't
7:06included so I had to buy him
7:13again with a batteries run
7:21on why is the alphabet in that
7:25order is it because of that
7:28song
7:29[Applause]
7:38guy who wrote that song wrote
7:45everything why is it a penny for your
7:47thoughts but you have to put your two
7:48cents
7:50in somebody's making a
7:58penny I like to tease my plants when I
8:01water them I water them with ice
8:07cubes I talk to myself a lot it bothers
8:10people though cuz I use a
8:19megaphone every once in a while I like
8:21to stick my head out my window look up
8:23at the sky and smile for a satellite
8:28picture
8:34it's my birthday recently for my
8:35birthday I got a humidifier and a d
8:38humidifier put him in the same room let
8:41him fight it
8:44out then I filled my humidifier with wax
8:47now my room's all
8:55shiny I went to a museum where they had
8:57all the heads and arms from the step
8:59states that are in all the other
9:11museums I had trouble going home from
9:13there cuz I had parked my car on a
9:14towway Zone when I came back the entire
9:16area was
9:22gone so I walked
9:25home everywhere is walking distance if
9:27you have the time
9:31they should iron
9:38this I used to work for the factory
9:40where they make hydrants but you
9:41couldn't park anywhere near the
9:47place I used to be a proof reader for a
9:49skywriting
9:56company years ago I worked in a natural
9:58organ organic health food store in
10:00Seattle Washington and one day a man
10:02walked in and he said if I melt dry ice
10:04can I swim without getting
10:11wet I said I don't know let me ask
10:18Tony two days later I was fired for
10:20eating cotton candy and drinking
10:21straight Bosco on the
10:26job so I figured I'd leave the area cuz
10:29I had no ties there anyway except for
10:31this girl I was seeing we had
10:32conflicting attitudes I really wasn't
10:34into meditation she really wasn't into
10:36being
10:42alive I told her I knew when I was going
10:44to die cuz my birth certificate has an
10:46expiration
10:52dat I decided to leave and go to
10:55California so I packed up my Salvador
10:57Dolly print of two blind folded dental
10:59hygienist trying to make a circle on an
11:01ETA
11:05[Applause]
11:11sketch and I head for the highway and
11:13began hitching within 3 minutes I got
11:15picked up by one of those huge trailer
11:17trucks carrying 20 brand new cars
11:19climbed up the side of the cab and they
11:20opened the door and the guy said I
11:21didn't have much room in here want you
11:22get in one of the cars in back so I did
11:26he was really into picking up people cuz
11:27he picked up 19 more
11:30we all had our own
11:34cars that he went 90 M an hour we all
11:37got speeding
11:45tickets I had a photograph on my license
11:47taken out of focus on purpose so when
11:50the police do stop me they
11:54go here you can
11:57go
12:02sometimes you can't hear me it's cuz
12:03sometimes I'm in
12:08[Applause]
12:12parentheses I bought some powdered water
12:15but I don't know what to
12:26add I'm entering the strangest sweep
12:28Stakes it's a contest you pay 50 cents
12:30you get a little card that has a number
12:31on it then you go up to any stranger you
12:33scratch a penny on his
12:36head if the number under there matches
12:38the number you have you win
12:41$100 I won
12:44twice I was beat up 11
12:51times I'm saving the money though cuz
12:53I'm playing trip to Spain so I bought an
12:55album that teaches you the language you
12:57put the album on you put headphones on
12:58your learn the language while you're
13:00sleeping during the night the wrecking
13:04skipped I get up the next day I could
13:06only stutter in
13:13Spanish but when I go I'm flying I'm
13:16flying air
13:17Bazaar it's a good Airline buy a
13:19combination one way round trip
13:24ticket you leave any
13:27Monday they bring you back previous
13:32Friday that way you still have the
13:35[Applause]
13:40weekend I'm going to court next week I
13:43have been selected for jury
13:48duty it's kind of an insane case 6,000
13:52ants dressed up as rice and robbed a
13:54Chinese
13:57restaurant
14:04I don't think they did
14:08it I know a few of them and they
14:10wouldn't do anything like
14:16that I lost a button
14:27hole am I going to get it B
14:33home I stayed up one night playing poker
14:36with Tarra
14:38cards I got a full house and four people
14:48died I have a telescope on the peephole
14:51on my door so I can see his that the
14:52door for 200
14:57miles who isn't
15:00who is it going to be when you get
15:04here I got an answering machine for my
15:07phone now when I'm not home and someone
15:08calls me up they hear a recording of a
15:10busy
15:15[Applause]
15:23signal I like to leave messages before
15:26the
15:27beep
15:30sorry my mind was
15:31wandering one time my mind went all the
15:33way to Venus in order a meal I couldn't
15:35pay
15:39for I have a map of the United States
15:41it's actual
15:46size it says 1 mile equals 1
15:51mile people ask me where I live I say
15:57E5
16:00where do you live
16:06E5 I bought one of those little glass
16:08ball things with the snow in it you turn
16:09it upside down then you turn it back and
16:11it starts snowing I bought one except
16:13the one I have has a little plow when it
16:15comes out and does it
16:20Ro it's good I like
16:23it last night I was in a bar and I
16:25walked up to this beautiful woman and I
16:27said do you live around here
16:33often she said you're wearing two
16:34different color socks he said yes but to
16:37me they're the same cuz I go by
16:42[Applause]
16:50thickness and she said how do you feel
16:52and I said well you know when you're
16:53sitting on a chair and you lean back so
16:54you just St two legs and then you lean
16:56too far and you almost fall over with
16:57just the last second you catch yourself
17:00I feel like that all the
17:04time I broke a mirror in my house I'm
17:06supposed to get seven years bad luck but
17:08my lawyer thinks he can get me
17:14five I finally went to the eye doctor I
17:16got contacts but they only need them
17:18when I read so I got flip
17:24poops came on my desk right next to my
17:26typewriter I have the oldest typewriter
17:28in in the world types in
17:31pencil onto my bed I have a shoe box
17:34full of telephone rings and whenever I
17:36got Lon I open it up just a little bit
17:37and I get a
17:38call one time I dropped the Box all over
17:41the floor and the phone wouldn't stop
17:42ringing so I had to have it disconnected
17:46I got another phone though I didn't have
17:47much money so I had to get an irregular
17:51phone it had no five on
17:57it phone had no number
17:59five I was walking on the street and I
18:01bumped into a good friend of mine he
18:03said how come you never call me
18:05anymore I said I can't call everyone I
18:08want my phone has no
18:12500 he said that's really
18:16weird he said how long have you had it I
18:19said I don't know my calendar has no
18:23[Applause]
18:27sevens
18:33I get up the other day and everything in
18:34my apartment had been stolen and
18:36replaced with an exact
18:42replica couldn't believe
18:45it called my friend in I said come here
18:48look at this stuff it's all an exact
18:49replica what do you
18:50think he said do I know
18:57you I bought one of those little glass
18:59ball things with the snow in it just
19:05[Applause]
19:10checking the human body is made up of
19:1298% water that means everybody's that
19:16far away from
19:22dring I live in a house that's on a
19:24median strip of a
19:27highway it's good I like it the only
19:29thing I don't like about it is when I
19:30leave my driveway have to be going 60 M
19:32an
19:39hour one i0 jet flew a little bit too
19:41close to my house I was walking from the
19:43living room to the kitchen and the
19:44steart is told me to sit
19:54down I was cleaning out my closet and I
19:56found an old bathing suit that I had
19:57made out of of
19:59sponges I remember one time we ordered
20:01into a pool and I left and no one could
20:03go swimming till I came
20:12back and my bread I have a nightlight I
20:14have a search
20:17NightLight goes back and forth across
20:19the room like
20:22this I have to get up in the middle of
20:24the night and go to the bathroom I have
20:25to time it so it don't get caught
20:29[Applause]
20:42I was walking my dog around my building
20:44on the
20:47ledge a lot of people are afraid of
20:49heights not me I'm afraid of
20:57widths I have a three-year-old dog and
20:59named him
21:02stay he was a lot of fun when he's a
21:05puppy cuz when I call him I say come
21:06here stay come here
21:09stay and he would
21:18go he's a lot smarter than that now now
21:21when I call him and just ignore me and
21:22keep on
21:26typing he's an Easter ger
21:34Che my girlfriend has a queen-sized bed
21:37I have a coester siiz
21:39bed it's red and green and has bells on
21:42it the ends curl
21:47up I woke up one morning she asked me if
21:50I slept good I said no I made a few
21:55mistakes when I was little and I'm back
21:57yeah out we had a quick
22:00sandbox I was an only child
22:09eventually one time the police stopped
22:11me for speeding and they said don't you
22:13know the speed limit is 55 M an hour he
22:16said yeah I know but I wasn't going to
22:17be out that
22:24long I used to be a waiter I was fired
22:27for clearing tables I was clearing them
22:30for
22:33takeoff had them all lined up
22:38outside people thought it was an outdoor
22:41Cafe I said no these are leaving at
22:49three: they going to fire me anyway cuz
22:52I told them I think they should put the
22:53wrapper on a straw on the inside cuz
22:55that's the part that you don't want to
22:56get dirty
23:06I like to skate on the other side of the
23:11ice I like to reminisce with people I
23:14don't
23:17know I like to fill my tub up with water
23:20then turn the shower on and act like I'm
23:21in a submarine that's been
23:26hit
23:31and I hate when my foot falls asleep
23:33during the day cuz that means it's going
23:34to be up all
23:37[Applause]
23:47night when I get real real bored I like
23:50to drive downtown and get a great
23:51parking spot then sit in my car and
23:53count how many people ask me if I'm
23:56leaving
23:58[Applause]
24:12can't remember the
24:16rest right now I'm having Amnesia and
24:18Deja Vu at the same
24:23time when I was a baby I kept a
24:26diary recently I was rereading and it
24:29said day one still tired from the
24:34move day two everybody talks to me like
24:36I'm an
24:43idiot last time I went skiing I had to
24:46get up at 5:30 in the morning I knew I
24:48couldn't do that so I slept with my skis
24:51on my ride came at 5:30 in the morning
24:54he couldn't wake me up so he carried me
24:55out of the house put my skis on to the
24:56roof rack of the car and drove right to
24:58the
24:58mountain 177 mil away I woke up by this
25:01incredibly bizarre dream that I was
25:03skydiving
25:09horizontally but I'm sure that's
25:10happened to
25:14[Applause]
25:16you I spilled spot remover on my dog now
25:19he's
25:26gone
25:33I got up this morning couldn't find my
25:35socks so I called
25:39information I said hello information she
25:42said yes I said I can't find my socks
25:44she said they're behind the
25:49couch and they
25:52were I'm tired of calling up the movies
25:55and listening to that recording of
25:56what's playing so so I bought the
26:01album last time I went to the movies I
26:03was thrown out for bringing my own food
26:05in my argument was the concession s
26:07prices are outrageous besides I haven't
26:09had a barbecue in a long
26:17time I went to the cinnamon adults $5
26:21children 250 I said all right give me
26:23two boys and a
26:26girl
26:31one time I went to the drive-in in a
26:36cab well we cost me
26:44$95 I went to a place to eat it to
26:47breakfast anytime so I ordered French
26:49toast during the
26:55Renaissance I just get out of the the
26:57hospital I was in a speed reading
27:03accident I hit a
27:08bookmark flew across the
27:11room been knew a lot of painting lately
27:13abstract painting extremely abstract no
27:16brush no
27:17canvas I just think about
27:22it one time I went to a museum where all
27:24the work in the museum had been done by
27:26children they had all the paintings up
27:28on
27:36refrigerators I left the museum and I
27:37was walking down the street I saw a man
27:39who had wooden legs and real
27:48feet he asked me if I know what time it
27:50is I said yes but not right
27:56now
28:01the ice cream truck in my neighborhood
28:03plays Helter
28:06[Applause]
28:14Skelter I called the wrong number today
28:16I said hello is Joey there and the woman
28:17answered she said yes he
28:19is I said can I speak to him please she
28:22said no he can't talk right now he's
28:24only 2 months
28:26old
28:29I said all right I'll
28:35wait one time right in the middle of a
28:37job interview I took out a book and I
28:39started
28:40reading the guy said what the hell are
28:42you doing I said let me ask you one
28:44question if you're in a vehicle and you
28:46were traveling at the speed of light
28:48then you turned your lights on would
28:50they do
28:54anything he said I don't know I said if
28:56you get it then I I don't want to work
28:57for
29:09you I've never seen electricity that's
29:11why I don't pay for
29:15it he right right on the bill I'm sorry
29:17I haven't seen it all
29:24months for a while I didn't have a car I
29:26had a helicopter
29:28they had nowhere to park it seriously
29:30just tie a rope to it and leave it
29:37running there's a pizza place near where
29:39I live that only sells
29:41slices you go there and you see the guy
29:43throwing up little
29:53triangles today I was no that wasn't me
30:00[Applause]
30:02yesterday I saw a subliminal advertising
30:04executive just for a
30:08[Applause]
30:12second I'm writing a book I the page
30:14numers done now I just have to feel in
30:16the
30:19rest I wrote a song too but I can't read
30:22music so I don't know what it
30:26is sometimes I turn the radio on I say I
30:28think I might have written
30:34that I've written several children's
30:36books not on
30:42purpose whenever I'm around a little
30:44baby I always write down the noises he's
30:46making so that years later I can ask him
30:48what he
30:52meant first time I ever read the
30:54dictionary I thought it was a poem about
30:56everything
31:01I'm learning how to play the harmonica
31:02but the only way I can play it is to
31:04drive 100 miles hour put the harmonic in
31:05my hand stick my hand out of the
31:11[Music]
31:12window I've been arrested three times
31:15for
31:19practicing last time I tried to commit
31:21suicide was about an hour
31:24ago was down the street on the roof of
31:26this very tall building build I ran I
31:27leaped off the edge and I accidentally
31:29did a triple back flip landed standing
31:31on my feet nobody saw us but two little
31:33kittens one of them said to the other
31:35one see that's how you do
31:48that a while ago I had no electricity in
31:51my house I had no lights I couldn't see
31:52what I was doing good thing my camera
31:55had a
31:56flash
31:58it's going all around my house like
32:01this wented to make a sandwich I took 60
32:04pictures of my
32:06kitchen the neighbors called the police
32:08I thought there was lightning in my
32:13house my house is made out of balls of
32:16wood when no one's home across the
32:18street except for little kids I come out
32:19and I lift my house up over my
32:22head tell him to stay out of my air or
32:24I'll throw it at
32:26him
32:29I put tape on the mirrors in my house so
32:31I won't accidentally walk through into
32:32another
32:37dimension have one of those oldfashioned
32:39type sinks so there's one faucet for the
32:41hot water and one for the cold water the
32:43showers like that
32:47too I have to keep running back and
32:54forth I put instant coffee into to a
32:57microwave of and I almost went back in
33:03[Applause]
33:17time I put a new engine in my car but
33:19didn't take the other one
33:21out now I can go 500 mil an
33:24hour the harmonica sounds amaz
33:35crazy I took the headlights off and I
33:37put the strobe lights
33:39on so when I drive at night it looks
33:41like I'm the only one that's
33:50moving I like my dental hygienist I
33:52think she's very pretty so whenever go
33:54to have my teeth cleaned while I'm in
33:56the waiting room I eat eat an entire box
33:57of Oreo
34:10cupcakes sometimes they have to cancel
34:12all the rest of the
34:24appointments when not I couldn't sleep
34:26so I get up
34:30then I got hungry so went down to the
34:31store that I know I was open 24 hours
34:33when I got down there there was a guy
34:34outside locking it up he said sorry we
34:36closed I said what do you mean you
34:38closed the science is open 24 hours he
34:40said not in a
34:46row but you can't have everything where
34:49would you put
34:54it the other day I got on an elevator
34:57and this old guy got on with me I was
34:58over near the buttons I pushed number
35:00four and I said where you going he said
35:03Phoenix so I pushed
35:06Phoenix to us opened two tumble weeds
35:08blew on we stepped off we were in
35:11downtown Phoenix I said you know you're
35:13the kind of guy I'd really like to hang
35:14around
35:18with he said well I'm going out to the
35:20desert you want to go I said sure So we
35:22hopped in his car and started driving
35:23out to the desert he told me he spent
35:25most of his life working on a research
35:27project for the government trying to
35:29find out who financed the
35:32pyramids he worked on a 30 years and
35:35they paid him an incredible amount of
35:36money he told him he was pretty sure it
35:39was a guy named
35:50Eddie we get out to his house 500 miles
35:52in the middle of the desert the phone
35:53rings he says you get it so I over I
35:56picked up man said stevenh right he said
35:58yes he said this is Mr hannes your
36:01student loan director from your
36:12Bay I said yeah he said you're 62 Bank
36:15payments behind found out today from The
36:17Institute you attended that they
36:19received none of the $177,000 we loaned
36:21you we'd really like to know what you
36:23did with it Mr L hands I'm not going to
36:25lie to you gave the money to my friend
36:27jigs
36:28Casey and he built a nuclear weapon with
36:32it I'd really appreciate it if you
36:34wouldn't call me
36:44anymore I have several Hobbies which I
36:46enjoy to the
36:50fullest have a large seashell collection
36:53which I keep scattered on the beaches
36:54all over the world
37:01maybe you've seen
37:06it I also collect rare photographs I
37:09have two very rare photographs one is a
37:10picture of Houdini locking his keys in
37:12his
37:16go the other one's a rare photograph of
37:18Norman Rockwell beating up a
37:25child
37:40Friday I was in a bookstore I started
37:42talking to this very French looking girl
37:44she was a bilingual illiterate she
37:45couldn't read in two different
37:50languages left the store and went down
37:52the street to my bus my bus came and I
37:54got on started walking toward the back
37:56back sat down beside this beautiful
37:59blonde Chinese
38:05girl I said hello and she said hello I
38:08said isn't an amazing day she said yes
38:10it is I guess I said what do you mean
38:13you
38:13guess she said well things haven't been
38:15going too well for me lately and I said
38:18like what she said I can't tell you I
38:20don't even know
38:22you and I said yeah but sometimes it's
38:24good to tell your problems to an
38:25absolute total strange on a
38:30bus she said well I've just come back
38:32from my analyst and he's still unable to
38:34help me and I said what's the
38:36problem and she paused and said I'm a
38:40nyphomaniac and I only get turned on by
38:42Jewish
38:46Cowboys then she said by the way my
38:48name's Diane and I said hello Diane I'm
38:50Bucky
38:55Goldstein
39:18when I first moved into my house there
39:19was a switch on the wall it didn't
39:20control any lights or anything I just
39:22flick it up and down every once in a
39:23while and about a month later I got a
39:25letter from a woman in
39:28Germany saying cut it
39:40out I have a microwave fire
39:44place can lay down in front of the fire
39:46for the evening in 8
39:50[Applause]
39:54minutes for a while if Liv in Vermont
39:56with a guy named Winnie we lived in a
39:59house that ran on static
40:02electricity if we wanted to cook
40:04something we had to take a sweater off
40:06real
40:08quick we wanted to run a blender we had
40:10to rub balloons on our
40:15head I thought I was a procrastinator
40:18till I met Winnie Winnie got a birth
40:20mark when he was
40:25eight
40:28all when he did all day was practice
40:31limbo he got pretty good he could go
40:34under a
40:39rug people come over they say what's
40:41that I said that's
40:45win about 6 months after we were living
40:48there I looked outside my window I saw a
40:49bird wearing sneakers hit a little
40:52button on it so I ain't flying
40:55nowhere
40:57so I opened the window I said what's
40:58your problem buddy he said I'm sick of
41:01this stuff every year it's the same
41:02thing went to here some of there witer
41:03here some of there he said I don't know
41:04who thought this up but it certainly
41:06wasn't a
41:10bur I said well I was just making
41:13breakfast come on
41:14in do you want some eggs
41:25sorry
41:26Stones I love the stones I can't believe
41:28they're still doing it after all these
41:29years watching whenever I can Fred and
41:35[Applause]
41:43Barney last summer I drove cross country
41:46with a friend of mine we split the drive
41:47and we switched every half
41:52mile the whole way across we only had
41:54one cassette tape to listen to
41:57I can't remember what it
42:02was we were in Selena Utah when we
42:05arrested for not going through a green
42:08light we pleaded
42:12maybe I asked the judge if you knew what
42:14time it is and he told me and I said no
42:16further
42:23questions for absolutely no reason went
42:25to camp I was feeling good I just
42:27received my degree in calcium
42:30anthropology the study of
42:37Milkman when we driving over the Border
42:39back into the United States they asked
42:40me if I had any
42:41Firearms I said what do you
42:53need I was traveling with my friend
42:55George some people think George is weird
42:57cuz he has sideburns behind his
43:03ears I think he's weird cuz he has false
43:06teeth but he has braces on
43:15them last time I went camping I
43:17accidentally borrowed a circus
43:21tent I didn't know it till I got there
43:23and I set it
43:25up
43:29people complaining CU they couldn't see
43:31the
43:36lake it was a forest nearby it wasn't
43:38just any Forest it was a forest where
43:40they get
43:43paneling it's a long thin
43:50Forest my friend George is a radio
43:52announcer and when he walks under a
43:54bridge you can't hear him talk
43:58[Applause]
44:25w
44:27my watch is three hours fast and I can't
44:29fix it so I'm going to move to New
44:42York couple of nights ago I came home
44:44very late it was the next
44:48night was having a little bit of trouble
44:50getting it to my apartment I
44:51accidentally took out a car key and I
44:53stuck it into the door and turned it and
44:54the building started up
44:57so I drove it around for a
45:01while went too fast and the police
45:03pulled me over they said where do you
45:04live I said right
45:12here and I parked in the middle of a
45:14highway and I ran out the front door and
45:16yelled at all the cars to get the hell
45:17out of my
45:22drive nobody who lives in the building
45:24noticed that the building had been moved
45:25cuz everybody who lives in the building
45:27is absolutely insane the man who Liv
45:29above me designed synthetic hair balls
45:32for ceramic
45:41cats the woman was me tried to rob an
45:43apartment store with a pricing
45:47gun she walked in and said give me all
45:49the money in the vault or I'll mark down
45:51everything in this
45:54store
46:00it's a good apartment to live in CU they
46:02allow pets I have a
46:05pony I have a shling pony named Nikki
46:08like to ride him around the apartment if
46:10have to flip an album orever to the
46:11stereo if want to make a sand I add him
46:13into the kitchen sometimes his hoof
46:15slide on the tiles and he falls
46:18down last summer he was involved in a
46:20bizarre electrolysis
46:24accident
46:26all the hair was removed except for the
46:28tail now I rent him out to Hari Krishna
46:31family
46:34[Applause]
46:41pegnant
46:44last whenever I move this glass
46:50breaks last night I had a dream that all
46:52the babies prevented by the pill showed
46:54up
46:58they were
47:03mad I was cesarian
47:05born you can't really
47:11tell although whenever I leave a house I
47:13go out through the
47:17[Applause]
47:20window friend of mine named Dennis his
47:22parents are
47:23midgets but he's not a
47:26he's a
47:29dwarf he's this
47:34big he's the guy who poses for
47:40[Applause]
47:52[Music]
47:54trophies
47:55[Applause]
48:01when you're tell about the girl I'm
48:02seeing now I met her in Macy's New York
48:04City she was buying clothes and I was
48:06putting slinkies on the
48:11[Applause]
48:23escalators the girl I'm seeing now her
48:25name is
48:28Rachel she's a very pretty girl she
48:31has emerald eyes
48:34and long flowing plaid
48:39hair and last week in August we went
48:42camping way up in
48:44Canada and we laying around in the woods
48:47and stuff and I don't know how she did
48:48it but she got poison ivy on her
48:54brain
48:56and the only way she could scratch it
48:58was if she thought about
49:11sandpaper she's a rich girl she's from
49:13somewhere
49:16else and her father is an incredible
49:19millionaire you know how he made his
49:23money he's the guy design that little
49:26diagram that shows you which way to put
49:28batteries in
49:33[Music]
49:33[Applause]
49:35something hey
49:37hey Rachel
49:40dear how I wish you were
49:45here hey
49:47hey I can almost see
49:54you
49:56having sex with
49:58Rachel is
50:00amazing it's like going to a concert it
50:02really
50:03[Music]
50:05is she yells a
50:07[Music]
50:13lot she throws frisbees around the
50:21room when she wants more she likees a
50:24match
50:29hey
50:30hey Rachel
50:33dear how I
50:35wish you were
50:38here hey
50:40hey I can almost see
50:54you
51:10I went skiing in
51:13England that's a rare package steal two
51:15weeks in England One Night in
51:16Connecticut two weeks in
51:20England I said yes I'll take it I got on
51:23this chair lift with this guy I didn't
51:24know anyone how up the mountain without
51:26saying a word then he turned to me he
51:27said you know this is the first time
51:28I've been skiing in 10 years I said y
51:31way you take such a long time off he
51:33said I was in
51:36jail said you want to know why he said
51:38not
51:39really then I said all right you better
51:41tell me why and he said I pushed a total
51:44stranger off of Ferris
51:48wheel I said I remember
51:52you thank you very much thanks a lot
52:10thanks for coming I
52:24appreciate
52:29[Applause]
52:54w
53:54I
54:11It's a small world but I wouldn't want
54:14to paint
54:24it
54:28[Music]
54:34oh

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