a boring video — Transcript

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1. 0:004 AM we're going to twitchcon baby
2. 0:02[Music]
3. 0:07oh this is supposed to be like plastic
4. 0:09that's what people do when they're
5. 0:11camping they [ __ ] out of the [ __ ]
6. 0:13sack of water so I'm going to twitchcon
7. 0:15to review my experience it's taking
8. 0:16place down in San Diego the plan was to
9. 0:18just drive down this way but uh oh
10. 0:20there's a car crash looks like I have to
11. 0:21go all the way around and then camp out
12. 0:23in this sick desert so I get to San
13. 0:24Diego that way to you know to review
14. 0:26twitchconz Michael why do you own a
15. 0:27salvage title run down piece of [ __ ]
16. 0:29pickup truck from the city of Los
17. 0:31Angeles
18. 0:32um because it's Swag first of all five
19. 0:34times cheaper than a normal truck and
20. 0:36the most important I make too much trash
21. 0:37at my house I put it in this truck and
22. 0:40then put on a high Vis vest and drive
23. 0:42around the place where I live until I
24. 0:44find places with dumpsters and dump the
25. 0:46trash and people just assume that I work
26. 0:48for the County of Los Angeles and No
27. 0:50One's Gonna bother you you have a high
28. 0:51Vis jacket and the white truck with the
29. 0:53light on top so [ __ ] where are we going
30. 0:55to twitchcon we're going to uh we're
31. 0:56going to twitchcon
32. 0:58piss number one
33. 1:00well this is a fun quirky story conflict
34. 1:02I came back from pissing and the truck
35. 1:04was doing some pissing of its own I
36. 1:06think it's leaking coolant not really a
37. 1:08car person but I want to say that the
38. 1:10coolant thing should have coolant inside
39. 1:11of it some water in there just to give
40. 1:13me two and mechanic store water is cold
41. 1:15sometimes so that's pretty much coolant
42. 1:17yep
43. 1:22up
44. 1:24hmm
45. 1:25[Music]
46. 1:27luckily it didn't matter because the
47. 1:29engine was so hot that in the five
48. 1:31minutes it took me to drive to the store
49. 1:32it already burned away all the water so
50. 1:34you know Small Miracles back to driving
51. 1:36to the desert and it was actually a
52. 1:37really nice drive it was blue skies good
53. 1:39day made the perfect place for the truck
54. 1:41to overheat on the side of the road
55. 1:42that's not good I'm sure that's bad I'm
56. 1:45sure that's a bad thing okay no no
57. 1:48listen to this
58. 1:53mmm good so good this coolant pipe was
59. 1:56leaking everywhere how do we fix that I
60. 1:58don't know cool yeah so I just took it
61. 1:59off so I just took it off and put it
62. 2:01back on and hoped it'll work I might
63. 2:03need a funnel
64. 2:05yeah that's pretty good ah [ __ ] we're
65. 2:08driving for a while and then we'll open
66. 2:09it back up and see
67. 2:12foreign
68. 2:21going to the desert but now you're
69. 2:23probably wondering why are you really
70. 2:24going to the desert and honestly I had
71. 2:26to get to twitchcon I don't need an
72. 2:27ulterior motive to do any of this
73. 2:28anyways my ulterior motive is because of
74. 2:30nystat no not that nice that his brother
75. 2:33van neistat he has a YouTube channel and
76. 2:35his videos are pretty [ __ ] weird but
77. 2:36they're also really good and he has this
78. 2:37one video called should I get a
79. 2:39motorcycle and I thought hey I should
80. 2:41get a motorcycle and now I have a
81. 2:43motorcycle and I thought it would be
82. 2:44really fun to ride around this desert
83. 2:45and that's it it's just for fun not
84. 2:46everything has to be a [ __ ] life
85. 2:47lesson anyway we're here yes this is
86. 2:49when I came all this way for God yes
87. 2:52bathroom I need a map I meant like a one
88. 2:56I could hold
89. 3:02that's pretty easy right now I am here
90. 3:04and I am trying to get to here
91. 3:07[ __ ] God
92. 3:08well let's turn right onto the road that
93. 3:10it wants me to go on to and
94. 3:13it's a pretty epic truck but I don't
95. 3:16think it can do sand or can they ah no I
96. 3:19would definitely get stuck okay I can't
97. 3:21park here so I'm gonna go up this road
98. 3:23and find a place to park this is the
99. 3:26closest thing that set it out of Road
100. 3:27and this doesn't look like a road it
101. 3:29really doesn't look like what the [ __ ]
102. 3:31is that what is that it's just rocks
103. 3:33that's not rope
104. 3:36and so I spent the next hour looking
105. 3:38around the desert for a campsite it kind
106. 3:40of feels like I'm playing Borderlands
107. 3:41but nothing's funny hey dude listen up
108. 3:44don't die in the desert I think this is
109. 3:46good it's a campground I don't see a
110. 3:48single other person at this point I just
111. 3:49wanted to ride around anywhere because
112. 3:50half the day was gone so I took the bike
113. 3:52down using these wooden steps that I
114. 3:54made because I have minion legs and then
115. 3:55I was ready to go
116. 4:00[Music]
117. 4:04I'm [ __ ] stupid
118. 4:08now I know I look professional but this
119. 4:11is actually my first time going into the
120. 4:12desert believe it or not so it's a
121. 4:14learning experience for us all more more
122. 4:16just me mostly me because I was there
123. 4:18and here's something I learned science
124. 4:20is really hard ah
125. 4:23I also learned that I was lost
126. 4:26realistically
127. 4:28so I got on the dirt trail and I had
128. 4:31eventually I pressed on didn't figure
129. 4:33out where I was just got tired of
130. 4:35looking in the map I knew it was the
131. 4:36right direction after a while because
132. 4:37the terrain started looking like this oh
133. 4:39my God it's all [ __ ] rocks oh my God
134. 4:42it's all [ __ ] sad but with no other
135. 4:44choice I just kept going and doing
136. 4:45desert things like climbing rocks and
137. 4:47screaming
138. 4:49you know desert things speaking of
139. 4:51desert things
140. 4:53[Music]
141. 4:55I was gonna say I'm a sand Whisperer oh
142. 4:57what the [ __ ] no if
143. 4:59you look like I have no idea what I'm
144. 5:01doing and that's because I don't I
145. 5:02[ __ ] suck at this the sun is way
146. 5:03harder to ride in than I thought it
147. 5:05would be but hey it's fun I think oh
148. 5:07[ __ ]
149. 5:16that's what I get that's what I get [ __ ]
150. 5:19the bikes on my leg oh God I'm gonna
151. 5:21have to cut it off
152. 5:22I think I can get out of this I'm gonna
153. 5:25turn around
154. 5:27hey oh I was feeling pretty silly after
155. 5:30that crash so I stopped here to eat and
156. 5:32take in The View
157. 5:36all right [ __ ] this and then immediately
158. 5:38turn around because I'm an hour and a
159. 5:39half away from my campsite and the sun
160. 5:41was getting pretty low and then for my
161. 5:42next trick I got the bike stuck it's
162. 5:44actually so stuck that it stands up on
163. 5:46its own so
164. 5:47[Music]
165. 5:49okay this is sand yeah
166. 5:53a few hundred years from now huh it's
167. 5:55gonna be sad well I was trying to get it
168. 5:57out I noticed this on my phone it's a
169. 5:58emergency dust storm alert for the area
170. 6:00you know pullover visibility zero don't
171. 6:02die on all that that sucks it's said to
172. 6:04pull over but I'm not on a road so I'm
173. 6:06pretty sure it doesn't apply to me
174. 6:07anyways I got the bike on stuck and I
175. 6:08was on my way
176. 6:09oh
177. 6:10baby yeah you know it wasn't the longest
178. 6:13Adventure ever but I had a lot of fun I
179. 6:14gotta see some cool stuff and it's about
180. 6:16time that I headed back so that I could
181. 6:17go to twitchcon
182. 6:21why always when I celebrate
183. 6:24oh oh
184. 6:25no oh [ __ ] oh no this is the dust storm
185. 6:31oh my [ __ ] god
186. 6:34[ __ ] okay I'm gonna get the [ __ ] out of
187. 6:35here
188. 6:37[ __ ] this
189. 6:39who could have seen this coming no one
190. 6:42no one could have seen this coming but
191. 6:44there's another problem this area is
192. 6:45called a wash it's where water flows out
193. 6:47of the hills when it rains the water
194. 6:48Cuts these paths in the ground and they
195. 6:50go all over the place it doesn't look
196. 6:52that confusing from up here this is a
197. 6:53Google Earth picture that I cropped to
198. 6:55hide the watermark but when you're on
199. 6:56the ground and it's dark and there's
200. 6:57[ __ ] sand in the air it's way harder
201. 7:00to see where you're going so at some
202. 7:01point I went the wrong way I don't know
203. 7:03where but I went the wrong way and the
204. 7:04trail started looking less and less and
205. 7:07less like a trail
206. 7:15worse I discovered that sand isn't
207. 7:17really sand but tasty little rocks that
208. 7:19you can breathe and eat yummy woman in
209. 7:21my Widow tummy they taste so good
210. 7:24what the [ __ ] but it was getting pretty
211. 7:27hard to breathe I'm gonna put a [ __ ]
212. 7:28dust mask on by dust mask I mean a shirt
213. 7:31so I had to stop and wrap a t-shirt
214. 7:33around my face so I wouldn't breathe any
215. 7:35more yummy rocks okay get the [ __ ] out
216. 7:37of here
217. 7:39this way I think
218. 7:41and yeah I think I found it that looks
219. 7:43like the trail but not for long that
220. 7:45doesn't look anything like the [ __ ]
221. 7:46Trail oh there it is but I feel like
222. 7:49this scary music's gonna come back I
223. 7:51couldn't find the [ __ ] Trail okay
224. 7:52this one I was on just ended I didn't
225. 7:54even turn around this time just kept
226. 7:55going towards where I thought the road
227. 7:56was which is definitely not what you're
228. 7:58supposed to do in this situation I'm not
229. 7:59sure what you are supposed to do but
230. 8:01it's definitely not this and I had no
231. 8:02idea where I was I was just riding
232. 8:04around hoping to find something which
233. 8:06makes this next part really boring so
234. 8:07I'm gonna put some Minecraft parkour
235. 8:09video on the screen to keep your
236. 8:10attention look at that a Subway Surfers
237. 8:12oh and I'll go to Reddit and read the
238. 8:13top post of today am I the [ __ ] for
239. 8:16kicking my dog in the head and then I'll
240. 8:17post it on Tick Tock and then I'll post
241. 8:19that on YouTube sorts and then I'll post
242. 8:21that short talk on my Instagram oh wow
243. 8:23is that the road
244. 8:24God
245. 8:29and I felt pretty relieved
246. 8:33what happened is I saw these power lines
247. 8:35way off in the distance and those are
248. 8:36usually near civilization so I just went
249. 8:38towards them until I found the road and
250. 8:39then I was free
251. 8:42[Music]
252. 8:52foreign
253. 8:54I think for dinner tonight I will make
254. 8:56scrambled eggs and spam look at how good
255. 8:59this looks it's like fried rice
256. 9:02[Music]
257. 9:09good night
258. 9:12[Music]
259. 9:18good morning I had a nightmare that
260. 9:20someone was walking around my tent at
261. 9:22night so I'm probably gonna have to
262. 9:23deduct points from twitchcon for that
263. 9:26but other than that it was pretty good
264. 9:27and uh let's all get packed up and we'll
265. 9:30head to twitchcon
266. 9:32[Music]
267. 9:34not much happened on the 100 mile drive
268. 9:36from the desert to San Diego I had a lot
269. 9:38of time to think about how fun it had
270. 9:40been so far and how I wished I could
271. 9:41have stayed a little bit longer but as I
272. 9:43rolled into town I was overcome with
273. 9:45optimism you see I lost track of why I
274. 9:47came down to San Diego in the first
275. 9:48place and so I was excited to finally
276. 9:50get started on my review of twitchcon
277. 9:534 out of ten it's all right
278. 9:56[Music]
279. 10:05thank you
280. 10:06[Music]
281. 10:08foreign