YouTube transcript (Uyoy6-ywcFw) — Transcript

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1. 0:09Hey,
2. 0:24>> I told you before I'm working on it.
3. 0:28>> It doesn't testosterone to be mindful
4. 0:31and to just touch me.
5. 0:34>> Love and
6. 0:35>> anyone can go constant effort.
7. 0:39>> What's so hard about doing this?
8. 0:41>> Nothing's hard about it. Love,
9. 0:43>> why can't you remember? They have four
10. 0:45kids.
11. 0:47>> I'm trying to make effort.
12. 0:49>> You're not trying hard enough. You're
13. 0:51not even close. Me asking for two kisses
14. 0:54and it blew up to that.
15. 0:55>> We got over this. Stop bringing it up.
16. 0:58This would have never happened with your
17. 1:00parents. This is ridiculous. I'm
18. 1:01fighting over a kiss.
19. 1:02>> Stop. I'm right here. Stop yelling at
20. 1:04me. I'm right in your
21. 1:05>> We have a baby together. I shouldn't be
22. 1:07fighting over more than a peck.
23. 1:10>> Hey,
24. 1:11>> you stuck your finger up my butt. This
25. 1:13is ridiculous.
26. 1:16I don't want to be just friends.
27. 1:27We're not friends
28. 1:29and it's my fault that you feel this
29. 1:31way, which is why I've told you I'm
30. 1:34trying to make an effort, which is why I
31. 1:36tried to bring up this last week.
32. 1:39>> I want you to go to therapy first.
33. 1:41>> We're both going to therapy,
34. 1:43>> but you need individual therapy. I don't
35. 1:45I've been through it. I I will be fine
36. 1:48with just together.
37. 1:49>> Therapy.
38. 1:50>> Okay. But you need individual therapy.
39. 1:51You will too.
40. 1:53>> I don't need it.
41. 1:55>> You need to go to therapy as much as I
42. 1:58need to go to therapy and then we go
43. 2:00together. We need individual therapy.
44. 2:03>> I've been to therapy for 12 years.
45. 2:04Therapists have quit on me cuz they say
46. 2:06I know how to communicate very well. Too
47. 2:09well
48. 2:11>> love.
49. 2:12>> I've like done this with my mom. I've
50. 2:13done this with past relationships. I've
51. 2:15done it with you.
52. 2:16>> The exact same thing that you just said
53. 2:18this morning. You said we are going to
54. 2:20therapy or else this will be over.
55. 2:22>> Yeah, we will. I will go to therapy with
56. 2:23you.
57. 2:24>> But I do not need individual. I do not
58. 2:27need it.
59. 2:27>> You will go to individual therapy
60. 2:29>> if it makes you happy. But they won't
61. 2:31say anything. I'm telling you right now.
62. 2:33I don't have problems.
63. 2:34>> You will go to individual.
64. 2:36>> I'm intimate. I'm mindful. I think about
65. 2:38you. Like I do everything you want.
66. 2:42>> You don't. And that's why you need
67. 2:44therapy more than I do. which is why
68. 2:47I've agreed. But you will still go to
69. 2:49individual therapy.
70. 2:50>> Why did you try to tell me I was the
71. 2:51problem this morning?
72. 2:56>> Love,
73. 2:58as you said last night, you said a lot
74. 3:01of things that hurt me. So, I said
75. 3:03things that were out of hurt.
76. 3:07I didn't want to go to therapy. I didn't
77. 3:09feel like I'd done anything wrong. You
78. 3:11hurt me years with this whole intimacy
79. 3:14thing.
80. 3:19I'm never going to
81. 3:20>> cry about it all the time.
82. 3:22>> I'm never going to leave.
83. 3:23>> And we should have gone to therapy about
84. 3:24it forever ago. And I've I asked you to
85. 3:27go to therapy about it forever ago. And
86. 3:30then he's only heightening our issues
87. 3:32that we had before.
88. 3:35We've had these issues. I've tried to
89. 3:37tell you. I've tried to warn you.
90. 3:40So I sent you to the doctor. But really,
91. 3:42I also told you about therapy.
92. 3:46You thought it was performance anxiety
93. 3:48and I was like, "Go to a therapist. Talk
94. 3:50to your therapist. Like, talk to
95. 3:51someone.
96. 3:55You just didn't listen to me." And it's
97. 3:57come to this now. I tried to warn you.
98. 4:01>> Nothing bad has happened tonight to the
99. 4:03point where you're acting like this.
100. 4:05>> Yes, it has. Cuz you don't understand
101. 4:07how much it means to me. And you will
102. 4:09never. But it breaks my heart because I
103. 4:13am married you
104. 4:15and I just want to feel loved by you in
105. 4:19the way that you know I like and I've
106. 4:22told you a million times I've given you
107. 4:23cheat sheets.
108. 4:24>> Understand?
109. 4:25>> I don't feel loved by you anymore
110. 4:27because of this. I only feel loved when
111. 4:30you like do like things like make food
112. 4:32for me or something. It's like not
113. 4:34intimacy.
114. 4:36It's not romance. It's not like igniting
115. 4:38anything.
116. 4:41Like I've honestly like lost the desire
117. 4:43to have sex with you because it doesn't
118. 4:45it just feels like a fight
119. 4:50and it's like I'm always the one trying
120. 4:52to be attractive and like trying on
121. 4:53lingerie music and things and you just
122. 4:55don't do it anymore. You stopped doing
123. 4:57it like a year ago. I can't remember
124. 4:58last time you like put on a candle, made
125. 5:01it all romantic. It's just it's just a
126. 5:03chore now.
127. 5:04>> I'll tell you now.
128. 5:07I've said before I'm sorry and all
129. 5:11>> sorry isn't good enough and you're this
130. 5:13you have to accept me how I am and how
131. 5:16my two pecs is not going to work
132. 5:19>> there will be
133. 5:20>> we can go to therapy but it will not
134. 5:22work if you do not fix these things and
135. 5:25your same fear of losing me to like
136. 5:27other people because of sex you need to
137. 5:30start actually taking it seriously and
138. 5:32be like oh I'm scared to lose her you
139. 5:34need to see it like that cuz right now
140. 5:36you don't you're too acts on it. You're
141. 5:38just like, she needs to deal with this.
142. 5:40This is who I am now. This attitude,
143. 5:42that's what I'm saying. It's like an
144. 5:43attitude. It's got to stop. It's just
145. 5:46like accept accept me how I am now. Even
146. 5:49though it's nothing like how I was a
147. 5:50year ago.
148. 5:52Like look at our life a year ago. We
149. 5:54were having sex like all the time. Like
150. 5:56we we were getting married now. We're
151. 5:58going to the honeymoon now. Like look at
152. 6:00our life now. I'm begging for kisses.
153. 6:02>> I understand.
154. 6:05Life shouldn't change that fast.
155. 6:07>> Stop chewing me up.
156. 6:09>> Life shouldn't change this fast. Our our
157. 6:11sex life shouldn't be this dramatic
158. 6:14downfall.
159. 6:15>> We got married. We had a kid. Everything
160. 6:18very very fast.
161. 6:20>> Doesn't matter. People with four kids,
162. 6:22five kids, still sex, they have more sex
163. 6:24cuz they have so many kids.
164. 6:25>> I'm trying to play catchup. And I have a
165. 6:28low sex drive which doesn't matter. It's
166. 6:30not about sex. It's just about touching
167. 6:32me, being mindful, kissing me. So,
168. 6:35>> it doesn't take anything to kiss me.
169. 6:38>> You listen to me.
170. 6:41>> I've actively told you I'm sorry. And
171. 6:43I've actively told you how much I know
172. 6:45it hurts you and I felt bad and I
173. 6:48genuinely did.
174. 6:50And I told you I was trying to fix it.
175. 6:52Why do you think it hurt me yesterday
176. 6:54when you said that I wasn't? And that's
177. 6:56why I was like, "No, I really was. I was
178. 6:58really trying."
179. 7:01It's gone to the these fights in the
180. 7:04past few days or weeks have been because
181. 7:06I just want the bare minimum. Not even
182. 7:09the bare minimum. I'm setting the bar so
183. 7:11low for you. I've changed my whole like
184. 7:14what I like and everything for you. I've
185. 7:16tried to be like, you know, it's okay
186. 7:17that he forgot about sex. It's okay that
187. 7:20he is like trying, but it doesn't really
188. 7:22feel like he's trying. I feel like I'm
189. 7:23like a dead fish. Like I'm just laying
190. 7:26there and I'm just like he's trying, I
191. 7:28guess. like I need to be thankful for
192. 7:29this, but it's like you're not really
193. 7:31wanting it.
194. 7:33>> Love,
195. 7:35>> it sucks.
196. 7:36>> I understand. You know, I'm hurt.
197. 7:38>> Love, it sucks cuz I can't be that way
198. 7:42if I'm consistently having to be at
199. 7:44battle with you.
200. 7:46>> I We only fight about sex.
201. 7:48>> Stop fighting me about it.
202. 7:49>> Then be more intimate and do things like
203. 7:51your dad.
204. 7:51>> I told you I will. I told you and I said
205. 7:54I was sorry.
206. 7:55>> You shouldn't be on your dad for sex
207. 7:56advice. You're young. You should
208. 7:58literally be singing these things. We
209. 7:59just got married.
210. 8:00>> Stop yelling. I'm not raising my voice
211. 8:02at you.
212. 8:14>> Your dad's right though. We can go to
213. 8:16therapy all we want, but you need to
214. 8:20really, really want it. And you need to
215. 8:21change how you were before and be that
216. 8:25person. I'm married now. I fell in love
217. 8:26with that person, not this person.
218. 8:30>> It was before. What are you talking
219. 8:32about?
220. 8:35>> When we first started dating, when we
221. 8:36were engaged, I remember when we got
222. 8:38engaged and we came home and he ripped
223. 8:39my clothes off right away. What happened
224. 8:41to that dude? I think back to that all
225. 8:44the time. I'm just like, where did that
226. 8:45dude go who wouldn't even like wait till
227. 8:48we got home? Where'd he go?
228. 8:51I'm 24. You're 27.
229. 8:55I could be at the club like this is like
230. 8:57a young years like prime years.
231. 9:02>> All I can tell you is how I will try and
232. 9:04fix it.
233. 9:05>> Not try. You need to fix it to save our
234. 9:08relationship cuz it's an ongoing issue.
235. 9:11>> If therapist can't do it for you,
236. 9:13>> stop cutting me off on a bunch of
237. 9:15things. It's really annoying.
238. 9:18>> It's just so upsetting.
239. 9:20>> You keep cutting me off.
240. 9:29I told you I will be better.
241. 9:33I will make effort
242. 9:38and I can't say anything and I can't do
243. 9:40anything other than say I will.
244. 9:52Buddy,
245. 9:56>> I got a seat though. I'm going to take
246. 9:59your word for it.
247. 10:00>> But you're also going to have to give me
248. 10:02some time.
249. 10:04>> Starts tomorrow.
250. 10:05>> Nope.
251. 10:06>> What do you mean? No.
252. 10:07>> No.
253. 10:08>> What?
254. 10:08>> I need time. Look, all we've done is
255. 10:11argue and fight.
256. 10:12>> How am I going to feel better?
257. 10:13>> You are going to You're going to give me
258. 10:16some time until I can get to that point.
259. 10:18It's hard to be intimate and hard to do
260. 10:21that with with someone that keeps
261. 10:22fighting on you.
262. 10:24>> Just last week at your parents house
263. 10:25after we had a little fight, you were
264. 10:27like, "Let's do it."
265. 10:28>> It we waited a full day.
266. 10:33So, give me some time. I'm not saying
267. 10:36it's going to be I'm not saying it's
268. 10:38going to be a week. I'm saying give me a
269. 10:41day.
270. 10:41>> You're asking me to like move with you
271. 10:43again. Like, I don't have time. Look.
272. 10:57Doesn't have to be sex, but I at least I
273. 10:59need you to be more intimate starting
274. 11:01tomorrow.
275. 11:02>> It won't be tomorrow. I'm telling you
276. 11:03now. It won't be. I need some time.
277. 11:07>> Not even a kiss.
278. 11:08>> Not saying not even a kiss. That's
279. 11:10>> what I'm saying.
280. 11:13>> Yeah.
281. 11:17But we have to fully squash this cuz I
282. 11:20know it hurt to hear but the situation
283. 11:23still hasn't changed. And I still said I
284. 11:25will try and be I will be intimate with
285. 11:27you.
286. 11:29>> Changed for me because you've gased me.
287. 11:31>> I haven't gased at you.
288. 11:33>> Thinking that other couples don't do it
289. 11:35this much and that it was just a
290. 11:36courting thing. You told me it was just
291. 11:38a courting thing and our relationship
292. 11:39has matured.
293. 11:40>> I don't even know what courting is. You
294. 11:42told me our relationship has just
295. 11:43matured and it's adult thing and that
296. 11:44you're no longer in the courting phase.
297. 11:46>> I never said cording phase.
298. 11:48>> You do. You know what cording is. It's
299. 11:50like when you're trying to please
300. 11:51someone. Yes, you do. You know what it
301. 11:52is cuz you said it to me.
302. 11:54>> I didn't say cording. I've never
303. 11:56>> I'm using your words. I wouldn't say
304. 11:58cording. I would have just said why you
305. 12:00were eating.
306. 12:03>> Love.
307. 12:04>> The bottom line is
308. 12:09you got to figure it out.
309. 12:11and fast.
310. 12:15I'm done with I've already waited two
311. 12:17years.
312. 12:46You can keep looking at me like you're
313. 12:48super pissed off with me.
314. 12:51>> I'm just staring cuz you're not talking.
315. 12:59>> You did gas at me though.
316. 13:01>> Love, I can tell you. Many couples don't
317. 13:04have sex as much as you. You even looked
318. 13:05it up last night and you were like two
319. 13:07to three times a week and you're using
320. 13:08Google.
321. 13:10>> Talk to your friends and family, not
322. 13:11Google.
323. 13:13>> I just talked to family and you told me
324. 13:15not to talk to family.
325. 13:16>> Yeah. Well, your dad just spit it out.
326. 13:18You didn't really ask.
327. 13:19>> I didn't ask.
328. 13:20>> Exactly. So,
329. 13:21>> okay. But either way, love,
330. 13:25all I can know is what I know. Babe, if
331. 13:29you you have to think about it, look
332. 13:31back at our life and say, "George, how
333. 13:32many people accidentally got pregnant
334. 13:35>> that we know?"
335. 13:37>> People at the gym, Dan's daughter,
336. 13:40>> I don't focus focus.
337. 13:41>> People having a lot of sex, a lot more
338. 13:42than you think.
339. 13:46I'm not crazy for wanting sex more. It's
340. 13:48a normal thing. Especially, it just
341. 13:50means I'm attracted to you and I'm like
342. 13:53wanting the spark and like to keep the
343. 13:55romance alive. I'm not saying it's not
344. 13:57there, but just trying to keep it alive.
345. 14:00I want to have sex. I feel in the mood.
346. 14:02Like, and it's not even I'm always in
347. 14:04the mood. It's like some things you do
348. 14:06get me in the mood. Like
349. 14:07>> things that like this used to not be a
350. 14:10problem because when we first started
351. 14:11dating, I was like a new thing
352. 14:13>> and you were probably more excited about
353. 14:15me than you are now. Cuz now you've had
354. 14:17sex with me a lot. And you're just like,
355. 14:18I'm not super excited about it cuz I've
356. 14:19had sex many times.
357. 14:21>> Can you listen?
358. 14:24If you were to continue and hear my dad
359. 14:26and what he had to say, you're only
360. 14:29taking the tip of the iceberg and
361. 14:30running with it. He said, "There are two
362. 14:33partners. One partner has a high sex
363. 14:35drive." And he goes, "I'm sorry, that's
364. 14:37me." And then he said, "The lone is your
365. 14:41mom. So your mom can maybe have sex
366. 14:44maybe four times a month."
367. 14:48>> It's not true. I've heard of them have
368. 14:50sex and I've heard your family say they
369. 14:52have sex more than that. That's not
370. 14:53true.
371. 14:54>> But he said there's always a negative or
372. 14:57there's always one with a low and then
373. 14:59one with a high.
374. 15:00>> We know this.
375. 15:01>> But he said that there has to be some
376. 15:05effort. I said, "Yeah, and that's the
377. 15:07problem that I have is I just haven't
378. 15:09put in the effort." He goes, "Well,
379. 15:10that's what you need to fix."
380. 15:12>> It would fix like all our issues. All of
381. 15:14them. Like I That's what I'm pissed
382. 15:16about. I know that I've messed up and I
383. 15:19know that I need to fix it, which you
384. 15:21just got to give me the opportunity.
385. 15:25>> I even told you the other day like I'm
386. 15:27not
387. 15:28>> stop going on. Just understand.
388. 15:31>> I'll understand. when I see you fix it
389. 15:33cuz then I'll know you actually like are
390. 15:36trying and you actually know how much
391. 15:37you've hurt me and you actually like are
392. 15:40trying to understand
393. 15:42and like where I've come from
394. 15:44>> and that I'm not just being mean and I'm
395. 15:46not just being crazy.
396. 15:48>> Never said any of that.
397. 15:54It's just a bummer because I've tried so
398. 15:57hard to communicate this issue for two
399. 16:00years and now I'm to the point where I
400. 16:02was screaming about it and crying about
401. 16:05it.
402. 16:08I tried so hard to just sit you down and
403. 16:11talk to you about it peacefully.
404. 16:15>> Hey, we've been over it multiple times.
405. 16:19This is why I feel like I don't have a
406. 16:21problem communicating because I've sat
407. 16:23you down about this peaceful
408. 16:26>> for two years. It just didn't get fixed.
409. 16:30And now I'm to this point that I didn't
410. 16:33start this way.
411. 16:36So it's not fair to say I can't
412. 16:38communicate cuz I didn't start this way.
413. 16:45I remember sitting down on the couch at
414. 16:47St. George. I always just sat down
415. 16:52trying to tell myself and my knees
416. 17:15It's the same reason why every therapist
417. 17:17quit on me. I try I would try to sit my
418. 17:21mom out trying to sit like people have
419. 17:24try I try to say it nicely. I try to
420. 17:27word it in a normal time.
421. 17:31I do all the things.
422. 17:33All the homework
423. 17:36never work.
424. 18:06think before I go back to therapy. I
425. 18:08need a minute
426. 18:10cuz
427. 18:15>> so bad hearing like, "Oh, you've tried
428. 18:17everything like it's just not working."
429. 18:20Cuz I've heard the same time as we go.
430. 18:24We have known each other at first, but
431. 18:26I'm telling you, it's really more
432. 18:27upsetting when I tell them things I've
433. 18:30tried and they tell me it sounds like
434. 18:32you've tried everything and the other
435. 18:34person isn't working with you because
436. 18:38that happened every time.
437. 18:45You don't understand.
438. 18:48You don't understand how much I went to
439. 18:51therapy before in the past.
440. 18:56>> That's not normal.
441. 18:59I've had people break up with me cuz I
442. 19:01was too perfect. I literally had a
443. 19:04boyfriend and be like, "You're too
444. 19:05perfect. You never do anything wrong."
445. 19:06Like, it just makes me feel like I'm the
446. 19:08terrible person all the time.
447. 19:18That's a little much.
448. 19:19>> No, I'm not kidding.
449. 19:21>> I'm not kidding.
450. 19:22>> I'm going to tell you now, you do stuff
451. 19:23wrong.
452. 19:24>> No, not I didn't. And back then I
453. 19:27didn't. I literally that person. I never
454. 19:28did anything wrong. In every argument we
455. 19:30try like had, I was always like super
456. 19:32calm. I like would sit him down like do
457. 19:35this stuff like and he literally just
458. 19:36was like I feel like a terrible person.
459. 19:38I feel like an idiot. Like I just like
460. 19:41you're too nice and I feel like you're
461. 19:43too good for me and like I just can't do
462. 19:48>> I'm for like a year a year and a half
463. 19:51and I just like left cuz I was this is
464. 19:53literally exact reasoning was it was too
465. 19:55perfect and it made him feel like [ __ ]
466. 20:24Can we please try to just be more normal
467. 20:28tomorrow and start it all fresh?
468. 20:30>> Love, I was normal. I was normal when
469. 20:33>> Well, you're saying now that you can't
470. 20:35and that it's going to take time and I
471. 20:37just don't have time and I just wanted
472. 20:39to start.
473. 20:40>> As far as intimacy goes, I might just
474. 20:42need a I might only need half the day.
475. 20:46>> I just need a second.
476. 20:48>> It's hard. It's hard to be all over
477. 20:50someone when that someone has been
478. 20:52fighting with that person.
479. 20:56>> You just got to understand that.
480. 21:11things have happened.
481. 21:14>> Is he hungry?
482. 21:17>> Yeah,
483. 21:21>> he's doing 30 minutes.
484. 21:26>> Do you want to bring your stuff
485. 21:27downstairs now?
486. 21:30I don't know. What else do you have to
487. 21:32say?
488. 21:35>> Nothing.
489. 21:45>> You come downstairs
490. 21:47to
491. 21:48cooped up in the office.
492. 21:58Think about it.
493. 22:02Love is not that hard.
494. 22:20>> It's not cuz you just said that you
495. 22:22wanted to move on through all this. You
496. 22:26want to sit up here and be sad?
497. 22:30You were the one that just
498. 22:33>> I understand that. But you were just the
499. 22:35one that said let's move forward.
500. 22:37>> Just like last night.
501. 22:39>> So you were trying to say not let us
502. 22:42move forward.
503. 22:54No one said that you're not intimate.
504. 23:28Come on.
505. 23:34You ready to hug it out again?
506. 24:04No hug.
507. 24:12Okay.