YouTube transcript (SNSY4IElhGE) — Transcript

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1. 0:00I think that the more you flex whatever
2. 0:01that muscle is of like independent
3. 0:03thinking, the more it becomes the
4. 0:04default way that you think. And then
5. 0:07>> Without faith, we don't function. But
6. 0:09faith is a muscle.
7. 0:11And the more you use a muscle, the
8. 0:12stronger it gets.
9. 0:13>> If you're in a really tough time right
10. 0:15now,
11. 0:16you just got to wait.
12. 0:17>> We're all going to have problems, but
13. 0:19they're just opportunities for growth.
14. 0:26>> Only people who were naysaying it
15. 0:27against me will also be dead.
16. 0:30And so then it's like
17. 0:32just do it for me. And then
18. 0:34>> [music]
19. 0:34>> when I wake up every day, there's only
20. 0:36one voice I have to listen to.
21. 0:41I think that the more you flex whatever
22. 0:42that muscle is of like independent
23. 0:44thinking, the more it becomes the
24. 0:45default way that you think. And then
25. 0:48everyone else's action is to start
26. 0:49looking more and more insane to you. The
27. 0:51next series of hard conversations that I
28. 0:52had after I I left home was actually
29. 0:54like years later. So, I had I had
30. 0:58multiple partners in one I said I had a
31. 1:00I had a partner in one of my gyms, I had
32. 1:01a partner in four other gyms. I had uh a
33. 1:05partner in a chiro and dental marketing
34. 1:08agency. And all of them relied on me to
35. 1:11make money.
36. 1:13And so, all of their livelihoods were
37. 1:15still dependent on me, but I was
38. 1:16splitting everything and it was just it
39. 1:18was it was horrible for me at the time.
40. 1:19And so, I remember when I I ended up
41. 1:21getting in a DUI and, you know, I talked
42. 1:24to a uh a performance coach or whatever.
43. 1:29And he was like, "Your stress and these
44. 1:30conversations [music]
45. 1:31could literally kill you." He's like,
46. 1:33"They almost did." So, I I got in a
47. 1:34head-on collision at 60 mph and I walked
48. 1:36away. No injuries.
49. 1:38Um
50. 1:38>> [music]
51. 1:39>> but it was like my wake-up call, but not
52. 1:40to stop drinking. It was my wake-up call
53. 1:42that I needed to have these
54. 1:43conversations. [music] And that's what I
55. 1:44was avoiding when I was drinking. It
56. 1:46wasn't the alcohol. It was what were the
57. 1:47things that I'm avoiding that I'm using
58. 1:48alcohol to get away from. And so,
59. 1:51um
60. 1:52the next day,
61. 1:53I had the first conversation with the
62. 1:55first partner.
63. 1:56And it was horrible.
64. 1:58But the moment I was done, I was like, I
65. 1:59got to call the other guy. And I called
66. 2:01the other guy. I was like, this is how
67. 2:02it is. And the thing is is I had this
68. 2:04backstop of my death.
69. 2:06Of like, you almost just died because
70. 2:08you wouldn't have this conversation. And
71. 2:10so then it just gave me this courage to
72. 2:11just be like like and whatever the
73. 2:13reaction was, I was like, I'd rather be
74. 2:14alive.
75. 2:15Like and that was it. And so it's it's
76. 2:17weird though because death has been this
77. 2:18really recurring theme in my life that
78. 2:20like
79. 2:21the same thing happened when I was it
80. 2:22like the only thing that gave me enough
81. 2:24balls to stand up to my dad, to be fair,
82. 2:26from a distance from the car when I was
83. 2:27driving halfway across the country. Like
84. 2:28let's not make let's not make me into a
85. 2:30too big of a hero here.
86. 2:31Um
87. 2:32was the idea that like I started
88. 2:33thinking like every day I was like, I
89. 2:35hope I don't wake up. You know what I
90. 2:36mean?
91. 2:37Um and that was the that was that was
92. 2:39the thing where I was like, this is a
93. 2:40big enough problem that like if you
94. 2:41don't want to wake up, then then I was
95. 2:43like,
96. 2:44I have nothing to lose.
97. 2:47And that was when that was when I think
98. 2:49on the last podcast we talked about this
99. 2:51where it's like, if everybody who who's
100. 2:53like at the bottom and feels like they
101. 2:55have nothing going for them,
102. 2:57reframe that as I have nothing going for
103. 3:01me, which also means that I have nothing
104. 3:03to lose by taking action, it makes you a
105. 3:05much more dangerous person.
106. 3:07And I think that was the flip that I've
107. 3:10had repeatedly shown to me in my life
108. 3:12that allowed me to take [music] the step
109. 3:14that I was afraid to take. Every
110. 3:15negative situation, and this is probably
111. 3:17good for the audience, but like if you
112. 3:18think back to all the negative
113. 3:19situations you had, like the really
114. 3:20really bad ones, when you expand the
115. 3:22time horizon, most times they become net
116. 3:25wins.
117. 3:27And so then it just means that like if
118. 3:29you're in a really tough time right now,
119. 3:32you just got to wait.
120. 3:33>> [laughter]
121. 3:34>> And then you get and then you'll get
122. 3:35your reference point back on all the
123. 3:36things that changed as a result because
124. 3:38most times when is bad, it can't
125. 3:41get worse. So then you feel like, well,
126. 3:43it can't get worse than this. And then
127. 3:44your action threshold decreases and you
128. 3:46take and you do all the things you know
129. 3:47you should have done anyways. And so
130. 3:48it's like we have this big stack of
131. 3:50should dos and we just wait until it's 2
132. 3:52miles.
133. 3:54I think a lot of times the decisions
134. 3:55that we make are predicated on the on
135. 3:57the conversations we need to have.
136. 3:59Because usually like the
137. 4:00>> [music]
138. 4:00>> And what's interesting is like
139. 4:03you can define commitment by eliminating
140. 4:05alternatives.
141. 4:06So, if you are committed you've
142. 4:08eliminated alternative actions. All
143. 4:10right, like you can say I'm committed,
144. 4:11but until you eliminate other options,
145. 4:13you're not committed. And so
146. 4:15a lot of people make decisions to end
147. 4:17relationships, [music] to quit their
148. 4:18job, to start the new thing.
149. 4:20But they don't become committed to the
150. 4:22decision until they
151. 4:23remove the other options. And then
152. 4:25you're forced to take action on it. And
153. 4:26so I think actually defining those two
154. 4:28two different things. Now, you could
155. 4:29define, you know, decision is to kill
156. 4:31off like dicidere from Latin. But from a
157. 4:34from an from a colloquial thing, I think
158. 4:36there are two different instances. It's
159. 4:37like I need to change this, and then I
160. 4:39do [music] change it. Um
161. 4:43And the making the decision is when it
162. 4:44would becomes a commitment.
163. 4:45>> What I think is important is that they
164. 4:47find what is so for them inside. They
165. 4:49find their connection with God. It's
166. 4:50like trying to touch God. You know the
167. 4:51story of the blind people touching God.
168. 4:53And one touches the tail, and they all
169. 4:55have a different perception of what God
170. 4:56is. They only getting a little piece of
171. 4:57it. God's so much more than that, right?
172. 5:01But faith you were born with, and I'll
173. 5:02prove it to you. Think of all the people
174. 5:04that are watching or listening right
175. 5:06now, our friends out there, who get up
176. 5:08every day and get in a car and drive it.
177. 5:10How the hell do you get up, drive a car
178. 5:1365 mph down a street where there's
179. 5:15nothing but a yellow line dividing you
180. 5:17from other people coming 65 mph at you,
181. 5:19and you know you know every single day
182. 5:22in every city on Earth people get killed
183. 5:24because person on the side crosses that
184. 5:27line. They fell asleep, they're trying
185. 5:28to text, they're upset, they're drunk.
186. 5:32Happens every single day of your life.
187. 5:33How the hell do you do that? There's
188. 5:35only one way, faith.
189. 5:37Without faith, you couldn't make that
190. 5:39drive. You would have to stay home and
191. 5:40do nothing, which is pretty much what we
192. 5:42did during COVID. People lost faith and
193. 5:44thought a little microbe was going to
194. 5:45destroy the planet, right? And it wasn't
195. 5:47true. We all found out it wasn't true,
196. 5:48unfortunately, the hard way after all
197. 5:50those shutdowns and all the problems and
198. 5:52so forth. So, without faith, we don't
199. 5:53function, but faith is a muscle.
200. 5:56>> [music]
201. 5:56>> And the more you use a muscle, the
202. 5:57stronger it gets. Faith unused does not
203. 5:59grow, it shrinks. Courage unused does
204. 6:02not grow, it shrinks. Passion
205. 6:03unexpressed does not grow, it shrinks.
206. 6:06So, but if you use more of it and you
207. 6:09rely on it more, you discover it's
208. 6:11there.
209. 6:13So, I show people how to make changes
210. 6:14quickly, but then to make it walk in,
211. 6:16you need rituals. Right? You can have
212. 6:18lots of goals, but goals don't mean
213. 6:20squat. It's like New Year's. People set
214. 6:22a New Year's resolution and 91% of
215. 6:24people never even get close to covering
216. 6:26it because they have this thing they
217. 6:27want, but they have no plan or they have
218. 6:29a little crappy plan, but they don't
219. 6:31have rituals, like things you're going
220. 6:32to do every day that make it automatic,
221. 6:34like the ones you're creating. Like, if
222. 6:35I do that, I'm going to do this instead.
223. 6:37You do that, you do this. And after a
224. 6:38while, you don't think about the ritual,
225. 6:39it takes over. It'll start to happen
226. 6:40automatically for you, right? So,
227. 6:43when I look at these situations like
228. 6:45working with these people, I looked at
229. 6:46it and said, "Okay,
230. 6:48anyone can get those values. They have
231. 6:49to be awakened." I start with a body,
232. 6:51and so all of a sudden, he started
233. 6:52running, and pretty soon he's running 2
234. 6:54and 3 miles in a day, doing all these
235. 6:55push-ups. And all of a sudden, he's
236. 6:57owning himself. He feels in control of
237. 6:59his body. Once you take control of one
238. 7:00part of yourself with discipline, I
239. 7:02always tell people, my original teacher,
240. 7:03Jim Rohn, used to say, "Discipline
241. 7:05weighs ounces, regret weighs tons."
242. 7:07Like, if you want to have a great life,
243. 7:09you got to learn to discipline yourself.
244. 7:10And if you discipline yourself in one
245. 7:11area,
246. 7:13it's amazing. You'll start disciplining
247. 7:14yourself in others. And discipline
248. 7:15sounds like a negative word, but what it
249. 7:17really means is taking back control.
250. 7:21And so, I watched that, then I started
251. 7:23feeding him books to read, As a Man
252. 7:24Thinketh. So, he started to feel his
253. 7:26thoughts are controlling and so forth.
254. 7:28And you know, by the time he got out, he
255. 7:29got out, uh, like, 8 years later, he was
256. 7:32a different human being. He was a loving
257. 7:33human being, in control of his life, a
258. 7:34peaceful human being. So, to answer your
259. 7:36question is, it's great to have a
260. 7:38father, but unfortunately, many of us, I
261. 7:40I four different ones, they didn't stick
262. 7:41around. Many of us didn't have that
263. 7:43strong father, but we can find that in a
264. 7:45mentor. And we're in a world today where
265. 7:48if you're conscious, you can go find
266. 7:49those mentors because those people are
267. 7:51online or you can join an organization
268. 7:54or something of that nature. So, the
269. 7:55answer to your question on a simplistic
270. 7:56level is
271. 7:57yes, it's great to have a father, but
272. 7:59not all fathers are there. Not all
273. 8:00fathers are great fathers, but there's
274. 8:02always someone out there that if you can
275. 8:04show you're up for something more than
276. 8:06yourself and you're trying to accomplish
277. 8:08something, somebody will move in your
278. 8:10direction. That's the grace of life. But
279. 8:12you have to first show you're committed.
280. 8:14You got to show you're going to do
281. 8:15something in my opinion. That to me is
282. 8:16what it takes. It's you're almost you're
283. 8:17almost doing the opposite would almost
284. 8:19be better for the most part. And then
285. 8:20all of a sudden you wake up one day and
286. 8:22you're in a boat with no paddles 5 ft
287. 8:24from Niagara Falls and you go oops.
288. 8:26That's a little late. So, you got to
289. 8:27decide, what is my life going to be
290. 8:29about? I don't even know my perfect
291. 8:31mission and purpose, but what do I want
292. 8:32my life essence to be about?
293. 8:36Don't make it so it has to be worded
294. 8:37perfectly. Just like, what am I here to
295. 8:39do? I'm here to love. I'm here to grow.
296. 8:40I'm here to give. I'm here to laugh. I'm
297. 8:42here to learn.
298. 8:43I'm here to honor. What am I here What
299. 8:45am I here for? And I think when people
300. 8:47start to tap into that, which people do
301. 8:49when they get in peak states. That's
302. 8:51what I do why I do seminars, by the way.
303. 8:53Books are fantastic for learning,
304. 8:54educating, and so forth, but
305. 8:56there's nothing like an event. Because
306. 8:58when you go to an event for 12 hours,
307. 9:00it's like if I said you're going to
308. 9:01learn a language and you're going to
309. 9:02learn a little bit at a time in college
310. 9:03or high school and people don't speak
311. 9:04the language. I drop you in Italy for 90
312. 9:07days with no teacher.
313. 9:09I'll come back in 90 days, you're
314. 9:10speaking Italian cuz you're in an
315. 9:11immersion. So, I do immersion with
316. 9:13people, but I also do it when people are
317. 9:15I put people in peak states. Like we
318. 9:16talked about biochemical states. And in
319. 9:18those states, you get answers. But when
320. 9:21you're like, "Huh, I don't know. Well,
321. 9:23ah, what's my purpose?" Ah,
322. 9:26in this state, you will never discover
323. 9:28it. Right? You're going to discover it
324. 9:30by not having the perfect answer. It's
325. 9:32like a business. You know, people say
326. 9:33don't put the cart before the horse. I
327. 9:35was interviewing a guy a couple days ago
328. 9:37with it for a group of entrepreneurs I
329. 9:38work with
330. 9:39around the world and um
331. 9:43he created a company he created
332. 9:46diapers.com and he he went online and
333. 9:49saw there were 200,000 look views for
334. 9:51for diapers and no one was selling them.
335. 9:53So, he figured how to do that, grew it,
336. 9:55sold it for half a billion dollars to
337. 9:56Amazon and then he built something
338. 9:58called jet.com which he sold to Walmart
339. 10:00in 1 year. 1 year business for 3.3
340. 10:03billion dollars, right? Just a genius
341. 10:05guy. But one of his philosophies is put
342. 10:07the cart before the horse. In other
343. 10:09words, get your in the game. You got an
344. 10:12idea? Put it on the line. Don't sit and
345. 10:14analyze it and work it all out. Try it.
346. 10:17What doesn't work, change, change,
347. 10:18change, change, change till you get
348. 10:19where you want to go. That's the game
349. 10:21that is life. Life is calling to you to
350. 10:24get in the game. If you get in the game,
351. 10:25you're going to have a time of your
352. 10:26life. You're going to love life. When
353. 10:27people say, "Oh, I'm bored. This is so
354. 10:29boring." I don't even remember a day I
355. 10:31was bored. The only way you can be bored
356. 10:32is put yourself in such a lousy state
357. 10:34over and over again that your brain is
358. 10:36bored with everything. But if you're
359. 10:38looking to serve something more than
360. 10:39yourself then you got to learn, you got
361. 10:40to grow and you'll feel a sense of
362. 10:42aliveness that comes from that. That's
363. 10:45That's the game. Grow and give.
364. 10:47If you do those two things, you're going
365. 10:48to have a magnificent life. If you
366. 10:50don't, it doesn't matter. You could have
367. 10:51a billion dollars and a million people
368. 10:52loving you and you won't love yourself.
369. 10:57That's right. He He He has nothing to do
370. 10:58with her. If you're in a lousy state and
371. 10:59then you see your wife or husband or
372. 11:01boyfriend or girlfriend or children even
373. 11:03in a lousy state about your work or
374. 11:04something else. And you do that over and
375. 11:06over again, they get linked together and
376. 11:07you look at one day you have a great
377. 11:08day, you look at them and you feel
378. 11:09pissed off or you feel overwhelmed or
379. 11:10you feel stressed. So, that's why it's
380. 11:12so important to learn how to manage your
381. 11:14own psychological emotional state. It's
382. 11:16like if you can learn to live in a
383. 11:17beautiful state of mind, that's the
384. 11:19greatest gift you could give your wife
385. 11:20besides your love is that no matter what
386. 11:23happens
387. 11:24shit's going to happen in your life.
388. 11:26There's going to be stuff that's really
389. 11:27tough. There's going to be stuff that
390. 11:28seems impossible. But when I'm really
391. 11:30happy, my brain comes up with the even
392. 11:32faster and I'm a lot easier to be
393. 11:33around, [laughter] you know? Other
394. 11:34people want to be around you. So, it's
395. 11:36like I've learned to train myself. It's
396. 11:38not I'm not perfect. It's not like I
397. 11:39won't get pissed off or frustrated,
398. 11:40overwhelmed, or stressed. It's just I
399. 11:42give myself 90 seconds, and I kick my
400. 11:44ass out of it because that will not
401. 11:46serve anyone I love.
402. 11:48Then they take on worried about you or
403. 11:50worried about the situation. It's like,
404. 11:51"No. Everything's solvable.
405. 11:54It might take more time than we want,
406. 11:55but we're going to solve this. But in
407. 11:56the meantime, we're going to live in a
408. 11:57beautiful state cuz there's so much that
409. 12:00grace and that God has given us, and we
410. 12:02need to appreciate that. And then we'll
411. 12:04figure out these things."
412. 12:07Problems are a sign of life. I remember
413. 12:08I met Norman Vincent Peale when he was
414. 12:1092 years old. He wrote the original He
415. 12:12was a minister. He wrote uh Power of
416. 12:13Positive Thinking. And I was 32.
417. 12:16He invited me up to Canada. He was doing
418. 12:18a seminar. My career was starting to
419. 12:19take off. So, I got a chance to go meet
420. 12:21him. I went backstage with him, and I
421. 12:23remember him saying to me, I said, "You
422. 12:24know," I said uh He said, "Call me
423. 12:26Norman." I said, "Norman," I said,
424. 12:28"I I'm just curious." I said, "Why are
425. 12:30you still doing seminars at 92?" And he
426. 12:32goes, "Well, there's still a few
427. 12:33negative people out there." I thought,
428. 12:34"Okay, I got 60 more years of this going
429. 12:36forward, right?" But then I asked him, I
430. 12:38said, you know, when he started out was
431. 12:40horse and buggy. He's seen
432. 12:41rocket radio, television, cars. I mean,
433. 12:44imagine what he saw in his lifetime in
434. 12:46that century.
435. 12:47I said, "What's the most important
436. 12:49lesson that people need to have?"
437. 12:51He said, "They need to understand the
438. 12:53power of problems."
439. 12:55And I said, "What do you mean?"
440. 12:57He said, "Well, the only people without
441. 12:59problems are people in cemeteries." I
442. 13:01said, "I think I heard that somewhere."
443. 13:02He said, "I said that in 1940 whatever
444. 13:04six or something, right?" He goes, "But
445. 13:05they don't give my full quote. My full
446. 13:08quote was, 'The only people without
447. 13:09problems are in cemeteries. So, if you
448. 13:11don't have any problems, you should get
449. 13:12on your knees and beg for some and pray
450. 13:14for some right now cuz problems are a
451. 13:16sign of life.'"
452. 13:18And he said he was sitting at a table
453. 13:19one day with Gene Tunney, who was the
454. 13:22heavyweight boxer of the world in the
455. 13:23'40s actually or '50s.
456. 13:25I'm not old enough to remember when it
457. 13:26was.
458. 13:27And he said "They are both speakers and
459. 13:28they're on this dais and having lunch
460. 13:30right before the speech." And you know,
461. 13:32he's buffed out like crazy. He's
462. 13:34unbelievable muscular specimen.
463. 13:37And so, Norman said, "I turned to him
464. 13:38and said, 'How do you get muscles like
465. 13:39that?'"
466. 13:41And he said, Gene turned to him and
467. 13:42said, "You really want to know or you
468. 13:43just asking?"
469. 13:45>> [laughter]
470. 13:45>> He thought to himself, I I really was
471. 13:47just asking, but now I really do want to
472. 13:49know. So, he goes, "No, I really want to
473. 13:51know." And he goes, "Every day I push
474. 13:54against unbelievably intense resistance
475. 13:57and that's what sculpts and builds these
476. 13:58muscles."
477. 14:00And Norman sat there for a little bit
478. 14:02and he said, "I thought about it,
479. 14:03thought about it." He goes, "I think
480. 14:04that's why God gives us problems cuz by
481. 14:06pushing through those we sculpt our
482. 14:08souls."
483. 14:09I never forgot that.
484. 14:11So, it's like
485. 14:12your goal that you're never going to get
486. 14:13rid of problems. If you're in business,
487. 14:14you have problems. You might call them
488. 14:15challenges, but they're problems. But,
489. 14:18what makes you a leader is you solve
490. 14:19them quickly.
491. 14:20And the goal is just get better quality
492. 14:22problems.
493. 14:25You know, I remember when Apple was
494. 14:27trying to be able to, you know, sell
495. 14:28something or go bankrupt. And then all
496. 14:30of a sudden they come up with the iPod
497. 14:32and you know, the music and
498. 14:34pretty soon they didn't have enough of
499. 14:35them. It's a new quality problem. People
500. 14:37are suing them cuz they, you know, they
501. 14:39scratch too easily, but they're making a
502. 14:40billion dollars. It's a new problem.
503. 14:42It's a better quality problem for their
504. 14:43business. We're all going to have
505. 14:45problems, but they're just opportunities
506. 14:47for growth. They're that call to
507. 14:48adventure. It's the hero's journey.
508. 14:50First season,
509. 14:51somewhere in three to five years.
510. 14:53Varies for people. Most of it.
511. 14:56Huge chemistry
512. 14:57and everything seems to be perfect and
513. 15:00easy and you have the best relationship
514. 15:02in the world and everybody envies you
515. 15:04because you still have polarity and if
516. 15:06things go well, you have so much
517. 15:07attraction. When you're attracted to
518. 15:08somebody, you make everything great.
519. 15:10Everything they say is great. But then
520. 15:12there's some days where you'll start to
521. 15:13gradually, as time goes by, run into
522. 15:16challenges.
523. 15:17May not even be each other.
524. 15:19And you deal with those challenges and
525. 15:20the frustration around each other and
526. 15:22some of that feeling gets in there and
527. 15:23maybe she starts to say, "Man, why does
528. 15:26he always say that?" Or you think, "Why
529. 15:29can't she ever get ready? Why are we
530. 15:31always late?"
531. 15:32Little that you feel a little
532. 15:33resistance to. But if you don't solve
533. 15:36it,
534. 15:37it'll start to build over the time until
535. 15:38the resistance starts to be a little bit
536. 15:41of rejection, right? And then you might
537. 15:43start saying something that doesn't feel
538. 15:45fair. And then some people just go into
539. 15:46depression and they stay in a
540. 15:47relationship 20 years and they have two
541. 15:48different lives and they live together,
542. 15:50but they're really not there.