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【頑張るほど逆効果】成功できない人ほど、結果にこだわる — Transcript

by 内田博史【金持ちの習慣】 · 3,949 words · 591 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00I’m sure you’ve had someone you
0:02were interested in at some point. But
0:05when you try desperately to win them
0:07over, things rarely seem to go well,
0:09right? Success is exactly the same way.
0:12If you want to be successful, try
0:13stepping back from chasing it for a
0:15moment. Of course, I’m not suggesting
0:18you give up. When the desire to succeed
0:21becomes too intense, it stops being
0:23passion and turns into obsession. And
0:26that, in turn, can cloud your judgment
0:28and derail your actions. Selma Manager,
0:33who shares mindset content on YouTube,
0:34says that sometimes letting go of what
0:36you want most brings you closer to the
0:38result. So, what is the difference
0:42between giving up and letting go? That
0:45is what I want to talk about today. I
0:47made this video in the hope that it
0:48will be a catalyst for your success.
0:52Hello everyone. Those of you watching
0:56this have surely worked hard for the
0:57things you want. If I just try harder,
1:00I’ll reach it one day. Hasn't that
1:03been the belief that has driven you
1:04until now? But even though you’re
1:06putting in the work, you don’t see
1:07the results you expect. You realize you
1:10feel like you’ve been running in
1:11circles in the same place for years. At
1:14times like that, you might think
1:15you’re just not trying hard enough.
1:17You push yourself even harder, thinking
1:19you must do more. But the harder you
1:21try, the more painful it seems to get.
1:24If any of this rings a bell, today’s
1:26video should offer you a major hint. In
1:30reality, the more strongly you crave
1:32something, the more you might be
1:33pushing it away. Success, money, work,
1:38relationships—even if these struggles
1:40look different on the surface, they
1:42share a common thread. In this video, I
1:46will reveal the true nature of why your
1:48hard work isn't leading to results. Is
1:54there something right now that you
1:55really want to achieve? Maybe you want
1:57a promotion. You want to increase your
1:59income. You want your business to
2:00succeed. Or perhaps you want to deepen
2:03your relationship with someone you love
2:04. And if you want it badly, aren't you
2:07ending up in a situation like this? You
2:09can’t stop worrying about how your
2:11boss perceives you. You find yourself
2:13obsessed with whether your social media
2:15followers and likes are increasing. If
2:17you run a business, you might find
2:18yourself constantly checking your bank
2:20account for sales. Or you might keep
2:22checking your phone to see if you've
2:24received a message from someone you
2:25like. And when things don't go as
2:28expected, your mood suddenly sinks. You
2:31start to worry that things won't work
2:32out. You become anxious that your
2:34dreams might never come true. These
2:37examples are, in fact, what is
2:38happening inside you. They are all
2:40essentially the same thing. Your mind
2:42is focused on how you haven't made
2:44progress yet. You aren't earning enough
2:47yet. Your business hasn't succeeded yet
2:49. Your relationship with that person
2:51hasn't advanced yet. Your mind is
2:55becoming filled with this reality of "
2:57not having achieved it yet." The more
3:01we want something, the more we find
3:03ourselves unconsciously chasing only
3:05the results. You might think that's
3:09only natural because you want it so
3:11badly, but Selma points out that there
3:13is one major problem here. It is what
3:17is known as the paradox of desire. The
3:21harder you try to tightly grasp what
3:22you want, the more it somehow slips
3:24through your fingers. The reason this
3:29happens is that the feeling of "wanting
3:31" turns into an attachment, where you
3:33feel you can't be happy without it. For
3:39example, if your mood rises and falls
3:41with every fluctuation in income, you
3:42are essentially entrusting your peace
3:44of mind to numbers in a bank account.
3:48If money increases, you feel relieved,
3:51perhaps even unable to sleep. When your
3:53income rises, you feel like you are a
3:55person of value. When you aren't
3:58earning as much as you'd like, you feel
3:59like a failure. Once it reaches this
4:02point, the issue is no longer just
4:04about wanting money. You are entrusting
4:09your peace of mind, confidence, and
4:10self-worth to money, demanding that it
4:12reassure you, make you confident, and
4:14prove your value. Selma views this
4:20state not as mere ambition or greed,
4:22but as an emotional attachment. Of
4:26course, wanting to succeed and wanting
4:27to be more prosperous is fine. Feeling
4:29that way is a very natural thing. The
4:33problem is that those results start to
4:34determine your self-worth. It’s
4:38perfectly fine to want what you want.
4:40But thinking, "I'll be happy once this
4:42comes true.""Once this comes true, I
4:44will be a person of value." Instead of
4:47thinking like that, try, "I’ll be
4:49happy if it comes true.""But I am still
4:51a person of value even if it hasn't
4:53happened yet." Stay in this kind of
4:55mindset. This difference is what
4:57separates a wish from an obsession. Try
4:59thinking about it this way. Suppose you
5:01have no value unless you produce
5:03results. Then what is a result? Is it
5:06sales, or clear-cut money and numbers?
5:09Then do babies have no value? They
5:11haven't produced any results, have they
5:13? How about a dog? It doesn't generate
5:16a single yen in sales, right? It hasn't
5:18produced any results. It sleeps, eats,
5:21and goes for walks, yet it still heals
5:23your heart. It has plenty of value,
5:25doesn't it? It's the same thing. "I
5:28want to obtain this.""But even without
5:30it, my life is unshakable." This
5:33feeling is the starting point of the
5:35concept of letting go. You may have
5:41tried methods like affirmations,
5:43visualization, or writing your ideal
5:45future in a notebook at least once.
5:49Selma also says that these methods
5:50themselves are useful for realizing
5:52your desires. However, the problem is
5:55what you do immediately after. "I
5:58believe in my ideal future."
6:00Immediately after writing, "I'm sure it
6:02will come true.""But when will it
6:04happen? Is there any sign yet?" Haven't
6:08you found yourself checking reality
6:09over and over like this? Think about
6:12that for a moment here. If you truly
6:14believe it will come true, why would
6:16you need to check so many times? For
6:18example, someone who believes morning
6:20will come tomorrow doesn't open the
6:22curtains in the middle of the night,
6:23checking, "It's definitely coming
6:25tomorrow, right?""It's getting light
6:27soon.""Are there any signs the sun is
6:29rising?" You wouldn't check like that,
6:31would you? But when it comes to your
6:34own wishes, you start checking again
6:35and again that it hasn't arrived yet.
6:39Selma describes this state as being
6:41just like repeatedly checking the
6:43delivery status of an Amazon Prime
6:44package. If it were a package, you
6:47could check where it is right now. But
6:49in life, there’s no notification
6:51saying, your success will arrive in
6:53three days. There is no status update
6:55that says, currently out for delivery.
6:58Even so, we want to check because we
7:00want to feel reassured. However, the
7:04tricky part is that checking more
7:05doesn't necessarily make you feel more
7:07secure. You check your sales, and if
7:11they haven't grown, you get anxious.
7:14You check your messages, and if there's
7:16no reply, you get anxious. You check
7:18your ratings, and if the feedback is
7:20poor, you get anxious. In other words,
7:24even though you check to find peace of
7:26mind, you end up showing yourself the
7:28reality that it hasn't happened yet.
7:32When you repeat this, you become
7:34anxious. You check. Nothing has changed
7:36yet. You become even more anxious. If
7:38you check again, you end up falling
7:40into this kind of negative loop. So,
7:43what’s needed to let go isn't trying
7:45hard not to think about it. First of
7:49all, you need to reduce the frequency.
7:52Truly believing doesn't mean checking
7:54for answers over and over again. Once
7:57you've done what you need to do, go
7:59back to your work for the day. Instead
8:02of using the time waiting for results
8:03to check, use it for your next action.
8:06That is what it means to believe and
8:08wait. This company is not everything.
8:14Even if you lose your current title,
8:16your life doesn't end. Even if you know
8:19logically that there are other ideal
8:21partners out there, you get scared when
8:23it's time to let go. Why is that? In
8:28truth, people fear not just losing
8:30their job or money, but what will
8:31remain of them after they are gone.
8:36They are actually afraid of that very
8:37thought. For example, you think you're
8:40successful because you have a high
8:41income. You think you're talented
8:43because you work at a famous large
8:45corporation. You feel you have value
8:48because you are wanted by others. When
8:53this happens, your income, title, and
8:55relationships are no longer just
8:57results, but become the things that
8:58prove your identity and worth. That is
9:04why, when you are about to lose it, it
9:06becomes more than just a matter of
9:08losing money or changing jobs. You are
9:10afraid of returning to the person you
9:12were before you were successful. You
9:13are afraid of becoming someone no one
9:15needs anymore. You are afraid of
9:17becoming a nobody. What you are truly
9:20attached to is not your job, your money
9:22, or even people. You are attached to
9:26the belief that having those things is
9:27what guarantees your self-worth. That
9:31is why you cannot let go. But if you do
9:35not realize this, you will keep
9:36clinging to dead-end jobs, continuing
9:38unprofitable ventures, and staying in
9:40relationships that drain you. "If I
9:44lose this, I lose my own value." It is
9:47because you think that way. But in
9:50reality, even if you lose your title,
9:52your sales drop, or you break up with
9:53your partner, your own worth does not
9:55vanish. All you lose is the label you
9:59have been using to define yourself
10:01until now. You were only afraid to let
10:04go because you convinced yourself that
10:06the label was who you were. Letting go
10:09does not mean quitting your job or
10:11giving up on money and success. It is
10:13not "this or nothing." It means
10:16stopping your grip on a single, fixed
10:17outcome that you feel must happen. Why
10:21is this so important? When people
10:23obsess over one result, their
10:24perspective becomes narrower and
10:26narrower. You cannot pull out, even
10:28when the numbers no longer make sense.
10:30You cannot change your method, even
10:32when it is not working. You become
10:34blind to other, better options that are
10:36right in front of you. In other words,
10:39even though you are working hard to
10:41achieve a result, your attachment ends
10:43up clouding your judgment. Conversely,
10:46when you loosen your grip, you realize
10:47you do not have to do it this way. You
10:49do not have to insist on this specific
10:51path. You become able to think calmly
10:53again and see that there are other ways
10:54to do it. By letting go, your judgment
10:57returns, and you become capable of
10:58cutting your losses. You can change
11:00your direction. You can notice new
11:02possibilities. Ultimately, this means
11:05that by letting go of your attachment,
11:07your perspective widens, and as a
11:09result, your chances of success
11:11increase. So, how can we let go of this
11:17attachment? Simply deciding not to
11:21think about it at all starting today is
11:23meaningless. Selma explains that
11:27letting go isn't a decision completed
11:29in an instant, but a step-by-step
11:31process. The first stage is
11:35acknowledgment. I’m frustrated that I
11:37couldn't do it at work. I’m anxious
11:39because sales aren't growing as
11:40expected. I want to recover the income
11:42I lost. Truth be told, I haven't given
11:44up on that opportunity. If you feel
11:47that way, first, properly acknowledge
11:49those feelings. Forcing yourself to act
11:53like you don't care won't convince your
11:55emotions. If you claim you won't obsess
11:59over the numbers even though you were
12:00refreshing your sales dashboard
12:02constantly until yesterday, your mind
12:04will just say, "Wait, you were looking
12:05at it quite a lot, weren't you?" First,
12:09identify what you have lost and what
12:11hurts you. Honestly admit this to
12:13yourself. This is the first stage. The
12:16second stage is self-exploration. Here,
12:20you ask yourself, "Why am I so fixated
12:22on this specific result?" Is what you
12:26truly want that income or the title
12:28itself? Or is it a version of yourself
12:31that is successful, recognized by
12:33others, or free from money worries?
12:36What kind of state are you afraid of
12:37losing? Once you see this, you can
12:40gradually, naturally separate the
12:42outcome from your own self-worth. The
12:45third stage is emotional digestion. As
12:49the frustration and anxiety subside,
12:51you become able to step back and ask, "
12:53What can I learn from this experience?"
12:56or "What was I dependent on?" There is
12:59no need to force a failed project to be
13:01seen as a success. Instead, you start
13:05to see that event not as proof that you
13:07are a failure, but as data for your
13:08next decision. Oh, this is really,
13:12truly the case. The difference between
13:14those who succeed and those who don't
13:16lies right here. Successful people,
13:19when things don't go well, think about
13:20where they went wrong and what they
13:22need to improve. But people who aren't
13:26like that just get depressed about the
13:28failure itself. You see, no matter how
13:30much you dwell on it, you won't succeed
13:32. It’s just worrying. This is a waste
13:34of time. You should always think about
13:37what you need to improve whenever you
13:39fail. The fourth stage is to start
13:42moving again. Once you reach this point
13:45, there’s no need to rush around,
13:47desperate to regain what you’ve lost.
13:49Focus on what to do next, what to
13:51change, and where to go—direct your
13:53awareness to the future, not the past.
13:56If a project failed, improve it and try
13:58again. If there’s no potential,
14:00quickly start something else. The
14:03important thing is not to act to prove
14:05your own value, but to act based on
14:07what you will create next. And the
14:10fifth stage is liberation. When you
14:13reach this point, even if you remember
14:15past failures, your emotions won't run
14:17wild anymore. That was a failure. I
14:19made the wrong call. That’s all it is
14:21. Failure doesn’t define your worth;
14:23it becomes just an event from the past.
14:26This is the state of having truly let
14:28go. Of course, these five stages
14:30don’t proceed in a straight line. You
14:33might have felt over it yesterday, only
14:35to dwell on it again today. But
14:37that’s okay too. "Letting go" doesn't
14:39mean forgetting everything completely
14:41in one shot. You might get curious and
14:43circle back, but still, you loosen your
14:45grip bit by bit. This is how you
14:47distance yourself from being swayed by
14:49results. Finally, I will introduce
14:54concrete actions to help you let go of
14:56attachment. The first is to reduce
14:59actions that strengthen that attachment
15:01. Saying you want to let go of results
15:04while constantly refreshing your sales
15:05screen. Checking emails or chats
15:08repeatedly because you're worried about
15:10your evaluation. Saying you want to
15:12move on from an ex while checking their
15:14social media and re-reading old
15:16messages every morning. Doing this is
15:20like saying you’re letting go of an
15:21attachment while feeding it every
15:23single day. Set specific times to check
15:26. Avoid checking the numbers more than
15:29necessary. Instead of trying to stop
15:31thinking about them through sheer
15:33willpower, it's important to create an
15:34environment where you simply can't keep
15:36checking. The second point is to stop
15:39searching for answers. What did I do
15:41wrong? While reflecting on what might
15:44have happened if you'd made a different
15:46choice is fine, thinking about these
15:47questions forever won't give you a
15:49perfect answer. Instead of analyzing an
15:52unchangeable past over and over, it is
15:54more important to accept the facts as
15:56they are and move forward. It makes
15:59things much easier if you divide these
16:00matters into what you can control and
16:02what you cannot. The third point is to
16:05redirect your energy. Rather than
16:08trying not to think about it, move your
16:10body, meet people challenging
16:11themselves with new work, or fill your
16:13schedule with new plans. Don't just try
16:16to let go in your head; change your
16:18actions and environment to shift where
16:20your focus is directed. The fourth
16:23point is to not mistake peace for
16:25boredom. People who are obsessed
16:29sometimes find that what they really
16:31want isn't the result itself, but the
16:33intense emotional stir or the
16:34excitement of the experience. Sales go
16:38up and you get excited. They go down
16:40and you get anxious. Someone praises
16:42you and your mood lifts. The reaction
16:44is poor and you immediately feel down.
16:47When this continues, a peaceful state
16:49where nothing is happening starts to
16:51feel boring. But true success isn't
16:55about having your emotions move like a
16:57roller coaster every single day. You
17:00can make calm judgments. You avoid
17:01doing unnecessary things. You work
17:03steadily until the results come. It's
17:05more like this. Some people even create
17:08their own problems because they can't
17:09stand the peace. So, please keep in
17:12mind that peace is not the same thing
17:14as boredom. And the final point is to
17:17let go while you still have attachment.
17:20Anyone can walk away once they have
17:22completely lost interest. By that time,
17:24you'll have forgotten all about it, and
17:26there won't be any reason to be
17:28attached anyway. True letting go is
17:30tested when you still want to succeed
17:31or still want to get it back. It’s
17:33when you still feel like you want that
17:35chance. Even so, withdraw from a
17:37business that doesn't pay off. Distance
17:39yourself from work that drains you.
17:41Stop chasing someone who won't turn
17:43around. Let go of what isn't best for
17:46you, even if you still want it. That is
17:50what it truly means to let go. By
17:52letting go, you stop chasing what’s
17:54over and look at what you can build. To
17:57let go is not to lose. It is loosening
18:01your grip on the past to move toward
18:03new possibilities. So, what did you
18:08think? There is so much information in
18:09the world today that it's hard to know
18:10what to trust. Even if you find real
18:12information, you're too busy and forget
18:14it. "I'll just do it later.""I'll do it
18:15eventually," and in the end, you never
18:17do. Watching YouTube or Netflix has
18:18nothing to do with your growth. You
18:20drift through the day doing trivial
18:21things. I want to say, isn't it about
18:23time you stopped living such a wasteful
18:25life? You found this eccentric YouTube
18:27channel, clicked on a suspicious
18:28thumbnail, and watched it all the way
18:30here. I’m genuinely impressed that
18:32you listened to this shady red panda
18:34talk for over 20 minutes. I think you
18:36must be quite a unique person. But you
18:39know, even if you are unique, you
18:40didn't judge me by my suspicious look
18:42or strange way of speaking, and you
18:44listened this far. I believe that makes
18:47you someone smart who can see the
18:48essence of things. Because it’s you,
18:50I want you to take today’s message
18:52home and make it a part of you. It will
18:53seriously change your life. So, stop
18:55spending time on social media or mobile
18:57games that have nothing to do with your
18:59growth. Make sure to put what I said in
19:01this video into practice and turn it
19:03into a habit. Now, my radio show, "The
19:08Radio to Grab Luck," is broadcast every
19:11Thursday at 6:40 PM. So, on Thursdays
19:15at 6:40 PM, tune your radio to InterFM.
19:18If you can't listen in real-time,
19:20please listen via the internet. You can
19:22listen on a site called radiko. I am
19:23also waiting for your questions for the
19:25radio show. [email protected] Please send
19:31them here. Please include your radio
19:33name and address when you send it in.
19:35If your message is featured on the show
19:37, I'll send you my book signed by me.
19:39This channel uploads new videos three
19:41times a week at 8:00 PM. Our next video
19:43is also going to be an incredibly
19:45insightful one. Please look forward to
19:47it. Right, let's wrap up today's points
19:52. We talked about how the more you
19:54chase what you want, the more it runs
19:56away. Placing your self-worth in
19:59reassurance or outcomes rather than
20:01being happy now causes attachment. We
20:04discussed how the more you check on
20:05things, the greater your anxiety grows.
20:07You feel the urge to check the reality
20:09of the situation repeatedly. This
20:10happens simply because you are feeling
20:12anxious. While still holding your
20:14desires, focusing on what you need to
20:16do today leads to letting go. We talked
20:20about why people feel like it's the end
20:21if they lose something. The more you
20:24tie your worth to one job, title,
20:26income, or relationship, the more you
20:28fear losing it. It is important to
20:31loosen the belief that this is all
20:32there is. We talked about how you can't
20:35let go of attachment in an instant.
20:38Letting go is a process of
20:39acknowledging your emotions and
20:41understanding the reasons for your
20:42attachment to gradually regain control
20:44of your life. Still want it, yet don't
20:47cling to it. Even if the desire remains
20:50, don't chase what isn't best for you.
20:53That choice is also a form of true
20:55letting go. Letting go doesn't mean
20:57giving up on what you want. It means
21:01not letting results dictate your
21:02happiness and becoming someone who can
21:04move forward no matter what happens. I
21:07discuss these topics in more detail in
21:09my newsletter. I cover things that I
21:11can't talk about on YouTube. Topics
21:13that would get deleted immediately if I
21:15uploaded them here. The mindset for
21:17success and wealth, neuroscience, the
21:19subconscious, the Law of Attraction,
21:21and the inside scoop on money that the
21:23wealthy won't share publicly. I dive
21:25quite deep into these subjects in my
21:26newsletter. If you sign up now, you'll
21:29get limited-time access to a seminar
21:31video I previously held for a fee, now
21:33free of charge. Every day, I receive so
21:35many comments from people who watch my
21:37newsletters and videos. Look at this.
21:39These are all of them. I can't reply to
21:41every single one, but I do read them
21:43all. If you watch my newsletter or
21:45videos, please do send me your thoughts
21:46. Usually, people would ask you to
21:49subscribe if you liked this video or
21:50found it interesting, but you don't
21:52have to subscribe here. The Cell
21:54Manager's channel is more educational
21:56than my mediocre one, so feel free to
21:58check that out and subscribe there
22:00instead. Instead, I would really
22:02appreciate a like, a comment, and some
22:04hype. I am truly happy to receive your
22:05comments. I shed tears of joy. It
22:07really motivates me and my YouTube team
22:09. So please, keep those comments and
22:11questions coming. I want as many
22:12Japanese people as possible to learn
22:14the mindset needed to succeed. I run
22:16this YouTube channel believing that if
22:18more people become successful and
22:20wealthy, Japan will become a strong
22:22nation once again. Thank you for
22:25watching until the end today as well. I
22:28want as many Japanese people as
22:30possible to learn the mindset needed to
22:32succeed. I run this YouTube channel
22:34believing that if more people become
22:36successful and wealthy, Japan will
22:37become a strong nation once again.
22:39Thank you for listening until the end.
22:41Before you head to Japan, you should
22:43really be doing some strength training
22:44or exercise. You haven't signed up for
22:46a personal gym yet, have you?
22:48>> Oh, sorry. Yeah. I forgot. I'll get it
22:52sorted right away.

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This page contains the full transcript of 【頑張るほど逆効果】成功できない人ほど、結果にこだわる by 内田博史【金持ちの習慣】, generated from the public captions YouTube serves with the video. The transcript has 3,949 words across 591 segments, with the original timestamps preserved so you can click any line to jump to that moment in the embedded player.

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