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Как ВЫИГРАТЬ любые ПЕРЕГОВОРЫ | Александр Добровинский — Transcript

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0:00If you come with a big pen, your
0:03company is worth as much as the pen.
0:06Out of 100, maybe one, or at most two.
0:10They say things that might interest me.
0:12Never promise what you can't deliver.
0:16Three main tips for making the right
0:18impression.
0:19I had a terrible experience, a complete
0:21nightmare, which I will never forget.
0:23I'll tell you. Alla Borisovna Pugacheva
0:27called me and said: "Alexander
0:30Andreyevich, you will lose. Presidents
0:33and ministers are taught this etiquette
0:36. Gestures in negotiations should be
0:38kept to a minimum." When you finish a
0:40thought, throw down the pen. So,
0:42basically, I've told you everything.
0:46Negotiations are rarely won with words,
0:48because at the decisive moment, it's
0:49not the words that matter, but the
0:51person speaking them. Sometimes one
0:53gesture is enough to lose respect and
0:56power. Today we are visiting the most
0:59famous lawyer, master negotiator, and
1:01expert in business etiquette, Alexander
1:04Andreyevich Dobrovinsky. Watch to the
1:07end and learn how to read people by
1:09their behavior, appearance, and
1:11micro-details. Alexander Andreevich,
1:13good afternoon. I'm
1:14glad you liked my advice, but if you've
1:17already come back, I'll continue then.
1:30Theoretical negotiations are divided
1:33into two categories: the category of
1:37requests and the category of demands.
1:40I've never in my life allowed myself to
1:43enter into negotiations without
1:45leverage. You have no right to sit down
1:49at the table without some opportunity
1:52to press, prove, surprise, demonstrate,
1:56and so on. Anything else is the same as
1:59getting on your knees and saying, "Have
2:01pity on me." People who ask are treated
2:04completely differently. People who
2:07prove something and demand—that's a
2:10special case, yes. The next nuance I
2:13wanted to tell you is that when you
2:16come to negotiations with a team, one
2:20or another on the team can always
2:23calmly attack their comrade and tell
2:26them what you're talking about.
2:29Everything is wrong. It's deadly. This
2:33should never happen in a team. You are
2:36one whole. And even if your comrade,
2:39the person sitting next to you, said
2:42complete nonsense, you still need to
2:45rework it and express a different point
2:48, thanking them for expressing their
2:51opinion. Yes, Oleg Nikolaevich, I don't
2:54know, has that perspective, and in his
2:57own way, he's absolutely right. But if
3:00you don't mind, I'll use what my
3:02colleague said, continue the thought,
3:05and then reverse it, if necessary. But
3:07when opponents are sitting across from
3:09you and when you start arguing, someone
3:11says, "What are you talking about? What
3:12, anyway? Where are you getting into?
3:14What are you talking about?" Consider
3:16the negotiations lost. Your team is in
3:19complete disarray. You can continue to
3:21tie you up like this and do whatever it
3:23takes to refuse you, you can be fired,
3:25and so on. You're not a team, you're
3:28disunited monsters who came for a
3:31reason. You see, you can't even deal
3:33with you. I also have a trendy word:
3:36life hack. I'll show you now.
3:39Besides the fact that you write without
3:42looking, which makes a very big
3:45impression, you should learn, and it's
3:48very simple, to write backwards. Look,
3:52it's very easy and, most importantly,
3:53completely elementary to do. Here's the
3:56letter A, and here's the letter B. And
3:59so you say: "This is how we trace
4:02ourselves. I'm drawing for you,
4:05right? Yes,
4:05and this is you." And between us here,
4:09if we sign a contract, then as a result
4:15, a lot of money will appear here.
4:19Well, this makes an impression, of
4:20course. You see, you're not writing to
4:23yourself, you're addressing someone and
4:26you agree, yes, this is interesting.
4:29Not only that, it requires several
4:31interesting things. If you do this with
4:34a cheap pen, you'll get it, but a good
4:39pen always attracts attention. I
4:42generally recommend using a pen. There
4:46are many reasons for this, you see? The
4:48thing is, when you take a ballpoint pen
4:51, you turn your hand any way you like.
4:54It's still a ballpoint pen, it will
4:56write in any direction. I read some
4:59really interesting research that showed
5:01that people who use ballpoint pens
5:03develop dementia earlier than those who
5:05use fountain pens. No, really, earlier
5:07than those who use a stylus. Why?
5:09Because your brain doesn't give your
5:11hand the task of constantly holding
5:13your hand tense and thinking about it.
5:16That is, thinking without reflecting,
5:18because otherwise you won't be able to
5:21move the pen if you hold it the other
5:23way around. Unlike a ballpoint pen, a
5:27fountain pen always looks better. Not
5:30only that, but there's one very funny
5:32thing—don't tell anyone—that I was
5:35once taught in my youth when I was
5:37working with a fountain pen. It always
5:41makes everyone happy. When you ask
5:45someone to sign, you open the pen and
5:48say, "Here, sign." So, take the pen,
5:50right? The person in front of you takes
5:52the pen and writes something here,
5:54right?
5:55And you say, "Uh, do you know why I put
5:58the cap back on?" Well, the average
6:00person says, "No." He says, "I'll
6:02explain it to you." Uh, my grandfather
6:04taught me to always leave the cap with
6:06me, because that way you won't
6:08accidentally put an expensive pen in
6:11your pocket. And if you do, you'll
6:14stain your shirt, so you always give it
6:18to me. A good joke, told at the right
6:21time, always makes everyone laugh and
6:23they'll be more inclined to like you.
6:25It's a nice, cute thing. I always use
6:28this, you see, and explain why I kept
6:30the cap for myself and gave the pen to
6:33sign. That's why fountain pens are
6:36something that few people use these
6:39days, but I kind of recommend them to
6:42everyone. They look good, write well,
6:44and make a good impression. If you show
6:47up with a big pen, your company is
6:50worth as much as the pen, and you don't
6:53value yourself. You see, that's an
6:56important point. There's also another
6:58thing, for example, with good pens and
7:01glasses, by the way, like gestures.
7:04When you finish a thought, throw the
7:06pen down. You can't say: "I'll put an
7:10end to this." No, throw down your pen
7:12calmly and say: "Well, that's basically
7:15all I've told you."
7:18And the same with glasses.
7:19And the same with glasses. You take
7:21your glasses and say: "Well, I'm still
7:24listening to you."
7:26Cool,
7:27you know? Uh, what does this give you?
7:30It creates the impression that you are
7:32a complete person and that you have
7:35finished your, uh, speech for this
7:38minute. Then another one with glasses
7:40is completely brilliant. I think that
7:41people with glasses are, in general,
7:44useful people for negotiations. Look,
7:46you took off...Now you say, yes, if I
7:49listen to you like this, that's one
7:52thing. And when you started speaking, I
7:54finished, I threw down my glasses, for
7:55example, and when you started speaking,
7:57I pick up the glasses and put them back
7:58on. This creates the complete illusion
8:01that I am listening to you even more. I
8:04put on glasses in order to hear you.
8:07Imagine the difference—I put on my
8:09glasses because it's a different
8:11gesture. You should never lean back in
8:13your chair like that when your opponent
8:15starts speaking. It's dismissive and
8:17looks terrible. On the contrary, lean
8:19toward them. You give this person your
8:23full attention by leaning back. And the
8:26moment they tell you to look for
8:28something, a cup of coffee, or
8:30something like that, no, no, you can't.
8:33You see, you've come to negotiate, and
8:36you simply must listen to the person
8:40who's speaking. If you look at major
8:42league negotiations—yes, there are
8:45presidents, ministers, and so on—
8:47they're taught this etiquette. Notice
8:49that there's almost never any tea on
8:52the table. Why? Because rattling dishes
8:56is a bad idea. It'll distract your
8:58attention. Yes, there's a glass of
9:00water and a bottle of water. Everything
9:03else is out of bounds. Eat in another
9:06room, please. Anything you like is
9:08allowed there. You're negotiating. All
9:09this rattling distracts your attention.
9:13You can't do anything that will go
9:16against you. Forget about a kettle that
9:18pours water, because you'll end up
9:20dripping on the table, which will be
9:22awkward, and so on. A glass of water is
9:25the last resort, and never any alcohol,
9:28even if they offer it to you and try to
9:30persuade you, etc. You can say, "Listen
9:32, we'll sign a contract, we'll come to
9:35an agreement, I'll be happy to invite
9:37you to some restaurant or cafe, and
9:39there we'll celebrate with a glass of
9:42champagne. We associate champagne with
9:44celebration, not a shot of vodka or
9:46even cognac, but a glass of champagne."
9:49And even if the person says out of hand
9:51, "I don't drink champagne." Of course,
9:53well, it should happen symbolically.
9:56And you mentioned that if someone comes
9:58with a bik pen, it speaks volumes about
10:00their status.
10:01Yeah.
10:01And how much do you pay attention to
10:04how a person is dressed and what
10:06accessories they have?
10:08Look, I always pay attention to
10:09everything, because it's interesting to
10:11analyze the person sitting in front of
10:13me. After all, if he showed up wearing
10:16a sports watch, that's one person. If
10:18there's nothing wrong with that. If he
10:20showed up wearing a different watch,
10:21that's a different person, he has
10:22different points of view. And I'm
10:24starting to think about what he might
10:27be interested in hearing from me and
10:29how to present such things to him. Once
10:32, a man came to see me, a very
10:35difficult person, and he was a very
10:38difficult person. This happened in
10:41France. But suddenly I saw him wearing
10:44a sports watch, and I somehow had to,
10:48you know, how to say, appease him. I
10:51suggested that he go to the Roman Goros
10:55semi-final, a tennis tournament. The
10:58tickets were crazy expensive. And it
11:01was impossible to get them. I knew how
11:02to get them. I said, "Well, listen, we
11:06were discussing when we were meeting,
11:09and just in case, I said," Zenith, I'll
11:11be there at 3:00 on Friday or I'll be
11:14busy at 4:00. "I'm going to the Roland
11:16Goros semi-final. You know, I gave up
11:18on it. And he says," Yes, listen,
11:20you're a lucky man, I dream of going
11:22and so on. "I said," I'll try to find
11:25you a ticket. "By the way, there's one
11:27more thing here. Never promise what you
11:30can't do. It's not I who will find you
11:33a ticket, but I will try to find you a
11:35ticket,
11:37even if I'm 100%sure that...Even if I'm
11:39100%sure. Why? Because you give the
11:42person an understanding that you will
11:44work for them, you will search, and I
11:46will find you a ticket, you take the
11:49ticket out of your pocket and give it
11:51to them, it's
11:52not so valuable,
11:53of course. And will you work for them?
11:56I said," I'll try to find you a ticket.
11:57"And when I called him back a few days
11:59later, I said," You know, I turned
12:01everything upside down, I found it, we
12:03signed a contract right after the
12:04tournament. "Even at the tournament, I
12:06think we were watching tennis, and I I
12:08took out the documents, and he said,"
12:10Listen, I'm so grateful to you, thank
12:11you very much, "and I signed them. The
12:13success of businesses and negotiations
12:16depends on such small details, which
12:18you can't even imagine. That's why you
12:21need to pay attention to everything.
12:22There's nothing wrong with a BIC pen.
12:24It's perfectly fine to sign with a BIC
12:26pen. You can show up in jeans, a shirt,
12:29and so on. You just scan the person
12:32sitting across from you, and they scan
12:34you, and that's it. I remember this
12:37really aggressive guy came up to me
12:39once and said," Can I be informal with
12:40you? "" I say, 'Look, I won't mind at
12:44all if, uh, you talk to me like you,
12:47but let me tell you, I personally
12:50wouldn't be comfortable if I said
12:52anything different than you did.' He
12:56trailed off, and we developed a great
12:59relationship for a long time. You talk
13:02to me like you, no problem. There's one
13:04more thing I wanted to mention, and
13:06that's aggression. You should never
13:07respond to aggression with aggression.
13:09People, it happens very often that your
13:11opponent is aggressive, uh, I don't
13:14care about your company, who you are,
13:17and so on. The calmer you are, the more
13:22aggression will be destroyed right
13:24there on the spot. Do you understand?
13:26If it's rudeness, you need to get up
13:28and leave. But if it's just aggression,
13:30a person who takes you and tries to,
13:33yes, do something to you, respond
13:35absolutely calmly, with a smile.
13:38Because the better you can withstand
13:40this aggressive blow, the stronger you
13:42are. I have always believed and still
13:45believe that shouting and A raised
13:47voice is a sign of weakness.
13:49Negotiations happen all sorts of times.
13:50There are negotiations with
13:52subordinates, and my mother used to
13:53negotiate with me, and I with her, when
13:55she forced me to eat semolina porridge,
13:57which I hated. That's also a
13:59negotiation. I came to an interesting
14:01conclusion many years later. Uh, when
14:03you speak quietly, uh, and don't yell,
14:07several things happen. Firstly, it
14:09creates a kind of, you know,
14:11self-confidence. And, secondly, people
14:14strain and lean in to hear you. And
14:16that attracts attention. As soon as you
14:18yell, they shy away from you.
14:20And what do you pay attention to first
14:22when you meet someone?
14:24Where is the person looking, uh? How do
14:27they greet you? I don't like, for
14:29example, weak hands, you know. I, uh,
14:31only then look, first look into the
14:34eyes, see how the person reacts, smiles
14:37, whether they know how to smile. And
14:40we start a conversation. And only then
14:42do I kind of scan a little, in what
14:44She's a child, gestures are very
14:45important, of course. You see, when a
14:48person sits in front of you, uh, and
14:50holds his head all the time, then
14:52there's something wrong with his
14:54mentality. Do you understand why he
14:55needs to hold it? There are a lot of
14:57thoughts there that will run away,
14:58right? Or you speak, and the person
15:01there makes some gestures. Gestures in
15:03general should be minimal during
15:05negotiations. To relieve your own
15:08stress, I'll go back again, you need to
15:11hold something in your hand, because
15:13you're nervous. Not only that, when you
15:16hold something in your hand, your
15:18tactile nerves go into this thing. It
15:20doesn't matter if it's a pen or
15:22something else, but, uh, your gestures
15:25are reduced to a minimum. You stop
15:27waving your arms, yes, you stop moving,
15:30you all go somewhere here, and it looks
15:33, in general, quite harmless and normal
15:36. That's how I quit smoking. By the way
15:38, I was an avid smoker. One day my
15:41daughter came to me, who I think she
15:43was about eight years old. She had read
15:46a lot, she was a very smart girl. She
15:48had read some articles and said: "Dad,
15:50I find it so interesting and good to be
15:51with you in this world. Why do you
15:54smoke so that we live fewer years
15:57together?""It made such an impression
15:59on me that I literally quit smoking the
16:02next day. But I realized that it wasn't
16:05the narcotic nicotine that I was
16:08missing, yes, but the tactility. That
16:12is, I needed to twirl some kind of
16:14cigarette in my hands. I went and
16:15bought myself one at the nearest store,
16:18this happened in Thailand. I went and
16:20bought myself one thing, which I never
16:23part with again. 28 years have passed.
16:27I bought myself these, they're not
16:28clear, they're just these little balls,
16:30and I started twirl them in my hands. I
16:33just, you know, after breakfast I
16:35wanted to smoke, I just twirl them in
16:37my hands. Is
16:38there any way to refuse an influential
16:41person or someone so that it's polite?
16:45You can say several things. You can say
16:48:" I'd be happy to, but there's a
16:50conflict of interest. "
16:52You leave immediately. What conflict? I
16:54can't say, sorry. Well,
16:57I have a client who would be unhappy if
17:02I told him. There's nothing special
17:04about it, but I can't cross that line.
17:05I promised not to work in your sphere,
17:07don't tell anything. You have no common
17:11ground. It's just that I can't
17:14sacrifice my client, or my friend or my
17:16relative. Forgive me, for God's sake.
17:19Is there a
17:20phrase after which you understand that
17:22you are dealing with a weak
17:24interlocutor? I wish.
17:25Yes, of course. I understand a weak
17:28interviewer when he starts asking. You
17:30see, requests can also be different. I
17:33am in this chair where you are now,
17:36well, probably at least 10 times a week
17:39, people come to me who want to work
17:42for me or young guys who want to study.
17:46Out of 100, maybe one, at most two.
17:51They say, uh, some things that might
17:53interest me. I'll explain to you. They
17:56come, people come, there are young guys
17:59, students, uh, or there are colleagues
18:03who come to get a job, absolutely
18:06everyone, uh, says, well, out of 198,
18:09they say the same thing. Thought.
18:13Alexander Denievich, I would like to
18:14work for you. I want learn. I am loyal,
18:18I will be a loyal person. I want to
18:22become just like you. I want to be a
18:25big shot there, famous, and so on and
18:27so forth. And so they tell you this,
18:29then they put their biography, their
18:32resume there. And they tell you this
18:34for 15 minutes. I listen to them
18:38carefully, I listen to everyone, I
18:40listen carefully, and then I say:" No.
18:42"Uh, I say:" Just don't be offended,
18:44but I'll let you in on a secret. Maybe
18:46someday you'll go somewhere else and
18:48not make this mistake. "He says:" What
18:50did I do? I told you about myself. I
18:52said that I want to learn from you. I
18:54said that I want to be just like you. I
18:56said that I will do everything and so
18:58on. I say: "I understand, you told me
19:01about yourself, but you didn't say why
19:03I need it. Understand? I will teach you
19:06. Do you want me to teach you? Well,
19:07let's say I will teach you. You will
19:09sit here, you will nag me, you will
19:11communicate with people, you will teach
19:14me everything, I need to teach you
19:16everything. And why do I need this? He
19:19says:" What was I supposed to do? ""
19:20I'll tell you, you shouldn't have sold
19:23yourself to me in such a way that
19:25you're decent. Listen, why should it
19:28ever occur to me that I'd hire a
19:30dishonest person, or, uh, you
19:32hardworking people, but that I should
19:35hire a lint. These are self-evident
19:38things. To sell yourself, you have to,
19:41and this is a negotiation, by the way,
19:43you have to explain why I need it.
19:46Rarely, I tell you, one in a hundred
19:48explains why he, this person sitting
19:50across from me, is interesting to me,
19:53what benefit he will bring to all the
19:55people who work here. No one thinks of
19:58this, and that's the most important
19:59thing. So, some time ago you asked me a
20:02question: "What to do when there is no
20:04leverage?""The only way is to create
20:07leverage and prove that, uh, you and
20:09your product or your thoughts are
20:12interesting to your interlocutor. Then
20:14you don't resort to asking, but on the
20:17contrary, you show, uh, respect to the
20:20person and want to do good for him. You
20:23can explain the reasons later, but you
20:25must prove that you are needed or that
20:28your company is needed, you see, when
20:30there is no leverage in negotiations,
20:32this is all that remains.
20:34Well, after all, probably even when
20:35getting to know each other, this works.
20:37It always works. A person wants to be
20:39talked about and given something, and
20:41not just come there and be told what I
20:42am like, where I studied, where I grew
20:44up. So what?
20:45Let me exaggerate the thing, and you
20:48will understand how important it is.
20:51People who declare their love, there is
20:54a boy, a girl, a girl to a boy, they
20:57say everything from themselves, he or
20:59she does not care at all about what the
21:02person opposite thinks. Maybe he is
21:05married, married, generally
21:06uninteresting, and so on. In love, we
21:09are egoists. And few people understand
21:12that, uh, in fact Love is a different
21:16thing, you know? You have to either
21:19love and you've come to terms with the
21:21fact that it doesn't matter at all how
21:23a person treats you, which is also
21:25entirely possible. Or, on the contrary,
21:27you have to understand whether a person
21:29is interested in you at all, whether a
21:32person has any feelings or not. And
21:34this, if you want to awaken love, you
21:36have to prove it with actions, words,
21:38and so on, and not just fall on your
21:41head and say:" Look, I want to marry
21:43myself "and or" I want to marry you. "
21:45This will lead to nothing.
21:46And does this happen in negotiations,
21:48when it's advantageous to appear weak?
21:50I had a terrible case, an absolutely
21:53nightmarish one, which I will never
21:56forget. I'll tell you. I was leading a
22:01process and simply twisting that side,
22:06as they say, into a ram's horn. I had a
22:10winning position, everything was fine
22:12and so on. A girl came, a young girl,
22:16uh, by the way, very attractive. We
22:20were sitting in my negotiating room,
22:22and she understood everything. She She
22:24burst into tears and said:" As
22:26Andreevich, have pity on my client, or
22:28my client, it doesn't matter. This is
22:30my first case. I was entrusted with my
22:32first case in our office, and I'm
22:35blowing it completely. I have neither
22:37the strength, nor the understanding,
22:39nothing. Well, maybe your client can
22:42take some step and at least give up
22:45some little thing there.
22:47I felt so sorry for her. I called my
22:50client and said: "Listen, you can't
22:52take away everything. Come on, even in
22:55a casino, when you lose everything,
22:57they give you some small money so you
22:59can take a taxi home." Uh, I talked him
23:04into it, and he took this step. This
23:07story didn't cost him much, but he did
23:10it. When we signed the settlement
23:12agreement, the girl said: "Andrevich,
23:15I'm so grateful to you. Let's have
23:17dinner somewhere, drink coffee, and so
23:19on. A young, beautiful woman, with
23:22pleasure. Uh, we finished our business
23:25well, and so on. We went with her, I
23:28remember very well, where there was a
23:30nice cafe, Vogue, opposite TsUM, where
23:33a nice crowd gathered. We went there,
23:36ordered something, something like that.
23:39I'm not a drinker, but there was a
23:41glass of champagne, uh, after all, she
23:44asked to raise a glass to our success.
23:46And when we started talking, she looked
23:48at me and said:" Well, how did I treat
23:50you? "I said:" What do you mean? "She
23:54said:" I started crying, and you were
23:56confused, you felt sorry for me. I saw
23:58it. Thank you very much. "Of course,
24:00this is not the first time for me, but
24:03I saw you, that you can, uh, react to
24:06my tears. I looked at her and said:"
24:08What a you are. "I told her:" We
24:10both laughed and became friends for
24:13life. "We have been friends for 20
24:14years and we have been working together
24:16for 20 years and adore each other and
24:18so on. That was my case. Weakness took
24:21hold of my chest. But since then I know
24:24that if a woman’s opponent is sitting
24:27in front of me, it is generally much
24:30more difficult to talk to a woman than
24:33to a man. But that’s why the reaction
24:38is unclear. But if a woman is sitting
24:41and cries, I will be 90%sure that this
24:44is Tabakov’s workshop or there, you
24:47know, the late Sergei Ponavich
24:50Gerasimov or there Ezenshtein.
24:53And how can you tell if a man is
24:54blyshing?
24:55Rarely. Uh, a man rarely blythes. He is
24:59different, you understand? A man is
25:01more confident, that is, he is
25:02confident in himself. And when he He's
25:04bluffing, you can tell right away, you
25:08know? He starts telling some fantastic
25:11stories that don't hold up at all. You
25:15can tell right away. Men rarely bluff.
25:18Before you speak, you have to think
25:21carefully, because in Russian, a word
25:24isn't a bluff, you can't catch it once
25:27it's out. It's true. Words hurt, but
25:31words do another very important thing.
25:33They characterize you. You know? If you
25:37say," Well, what are you talking about,
25:39huh? "Then you'll look like one person.
25:43But if you tell them," Forgive me, but
25:46I'm going to have to disagree with you
25:49for a minute. "Be completely different.
25:52"
25:52It turns out that the manifestation of
25:54a strong person is precisely the
25:56reduction of all qualities: volume,
25:58movements. Yep.
25:59The number of words, some kind of fuss.
26:02All that.
26:03And what is it? All this says that you
26:06are the master of your word, you know
26:09how to carry yourself and you are
26:11confident in yourself. The people
26:14sitting opposite you do not reflect as
26:17I am telling you now, but in their
26:20heads, without realizing it, this is an
26:23absolutely 100%feeling. The person sits
26:26confidently, completely. Why should he
26:27shout? Why should he wave his hands? He
26:29does not flicker. And you do this,
26:33holding a pen in your hands or glasses
26:36and so on.
26:36Alexander Andreevich, can you give
26:38three main tips on how to make the
26:40right impression?
26:41It all depends on the situation you are
26:44in. One thing if you came to a gangster
26:46shootout. And another if you came to
26:48talk to a lawyer. And third, if you are
26:50talking about business. You wouldn’t
26:51come to a gangster shootout in a bow
26:53tie and in, I don't know, in a suit.
26:55You will look different. But there is
26:58one thing you never have the right to
27:02change. It's yourself. If you, I'll
27:06talk to myself now, if I, a
27:08bespectacled man, come to talk to some
27:11losers, and I often did this in my life
27:14, especially in the nineties, and I
27:17talk to them in their language, then I
27:20will look ridiculous. The first golden
27:23rule: always never betray yourself. But
27:28also don't make yourself look
27:29ridiculous. Once again, there's no
27:31point in coming with a bow tie to talk
27:34to bandits there. Second, you asked for
27:37three. The second rule is, when you
27:40come to negotiations, you have no right
27:44not to be prepared. You must
27:48know everything about the matter, and,
27:50uh, about the people sitting opposite
27:53you. And from this grows the culture
27:55there. uh, the behavior of the person
27:58whom you must understand, his strengths
28:01and weaknesses. And the third, what
28:04everyone always forgets. This will
28:08surprise you, it's so trivial, and you
28:10should abandon the plan. No
28:13one will does, believe me, no one ever
28:15does this. And you have to get from
28:18point A to your final goal. And when
28:21you prepare for negotiations, you have
28:23to understand what and how you will say
28:25. That's what's gradual. Not only that,
28:28there should also be responses, because
28:29you never know what the answer will be.
28:32You have to work through all this. No
28:33one does this.
28:35Teach me how to at least briefly draw
28:37up such a plan. Episode three. But this
28:43is the most important thing.
28:45Then so. If this video gets 500,000
28:48views. We will ask Alexander Andreevich
28:51to make a third episode with us.
28:53Make a deal. Thank you.
28:55Many years ago, Ruslan Baysarov, a
28:58wonderful well-known businessman who
29:01has since become my friend, fought to
29:04keep his son from being taken to the
29:07United States. He wanted his son, who
29:10at the time was living with Alla
29:12Borisova Pugacheva, with Kristina
29:14Arbakayta, to want to stay, so that his
29:16son would stay in Russia. Alla Borisova
29:19Pugacheva called me literally a few
29:22days after it became It is known that I
29:25will represent Ruslan's interests. And
29:28Alexander Andreevich told me, you will
29:32lose. I am Pugacheva. I said: "You know
29:36, you are a People's Artist of Russia,
29:39and my mother, when she raised me,
29:42called me Sasha, the People's Artist of
29:46our family." Therefore, you and I are
29:48equal and we will still fight. And I
29:51will take the next step. She went to
29:54you, this will surprise. To demand that
29:58I stop fighting. You will never guess
30:01to whom. It just completely shocked me.
30:05She went to the Chief Rabbi of Russia
30:09Berlazar, who called me and said: "Alla
30:11Borisovna was with me." I said: "So
30:14what? She asked Asa Andreevich to tell
30:17you that I will not tell you." I said:
30:20"What is it?" She said that I should
30:22insist to you that you withdrew from
30:25the process. And I said: "Alla
30:27Borisovna, this is the same as if I
30:30refused to serve the people." I will
30:33never, let alone tell him, I can't ask
30:37him and I will never ask him. "He said,
30:41" Well, you're wrong. "And she left. He
30:45called me and told me everything. But
30:47the most amazing thing, of course, in
30:50this story was that Alla Borisovna gave
30:54in in the end and couldn't do anything.
30:57That's why the People's Artist of the
31:00Dobrovinsky family defeated the
31:02People's Artist of the Russian
31:04Federation Allo Fukachevo. And the boy
31:07stayed in Russia.
31:09Beautiful.
31:11But we must give credit to Al Borisovna
31:14. Some time later, her ex-husband at
31:17the time, Philipp Bedrosovich Kirkorov,
31:21got into trouble. He came to her; they
31:25lived in the same house. He came to her
31:27and asked for advice on what to do. And
31:31do you know what Alla Borisovna did?
31:33She said," Listen, call Dobrovinsky. "
31:37Only he can get you out of this mess."
31:42I got Philip Bedrosovich out. And since
31:47then, my friends and he's been a
31:49wonderful client of ours, and so on.
31:51And even for a while, he was a
31:53wonderful person here, but he has this
31:56amazing, amazing ability to always get
31:59into some kind of trouble. It's not at
32:02all unique. Once, we had a corporate
32:04party, and I, in winter, yes, before
32:07the New Year, it was many years ago, I
32:10said: "You know, we should start our
32:13working day in the morning in the
32:15office with a prayer for the health of
32:18Philip Bedrosovich." Because the number
32:21of cases that poor Philip, an
32:23absolutely charming person, constantly
32:25gets into, is generally, you know,
32:28absolutely immeasurable, every time
32:30with poor Philip. Well, he's bright,
32:32he's a handsome person, everyone looks
32:36at him. Try going to a cafe with him,
32:39yes, there 208 or however many he's
32:42seen at once, and so on. In general, a
32:44public figure is always very attacked.
32:47Being a public figure is very difficult
32:49, in fact. It's a difficult story.
32:51Everyone's interested in everything:
32:53with whom, what, why, and so on. Philip
32:56is a wonderful person, my friend. I
32:57absolutely adore him, but he came from,
33:00uh, Alla Borisova. Can you imagine,
33:03Alexander Andreevich, the story is
33:05amazing. Could you tell us another
33:07story from real life, which happened?
33:09What, was all this fantasy before or
33:11something? This is all real life. What
33:14other story can I tell you? It was many
33:17years ago. Two of my wonderful
33:19colleagues were sitting in the next
33:22conference room. They are guys from the
33:25Caucasus. He and she work together,
33:29absolutely amazing lawyers. And a
33:33client who communicates with them came
33:36in, one of my colleagues looks into the
33:40room and says: "Avich, you know, we
33:43don't, but if you kind of take it on,
33:46the lady is offering a very large fee."
33:50I walk in, a beautiful young woman is
33:53sitting there and she says: "You know,
33:55I was recommended to you because you
33:57keep your word, and I know that you
34:01won't cheat and you will do it." The
34:04guys are sitting there like this. I
34:07don't really understand what's going on
34:08. She says: "You know, my husband, a
34:10banker, was arrested. He's not really
34:13my husband. We live together in a civil
34:15marriage, so to speak. He stole
34:17somewhere around 250-300 million
34:19dollars from the bank, and he was
34:21arrested. I know where the money is,
34:23but I have nothing to do with this
34:25money, because I'm just his mistress.
34:27Yes, we've been living there together
34:29for 3-4 years, but if something happens
34:33to him, and it will happen to him. I
34:35say:" How do you know? "She says:" Well
34:38, I know, he took money from people
34:41like that, so what will happen? "I say:
34:43" Okay, do you want me to defend him? "
34:45She says," No, he has some stupid
34:47lawyers there. I want something
34:49completely different. "I say," What do
34:50you want? "She says," I brought him a
34:54flask, I want him to give me his sperm,
34:58and I, uh, will take it to the
35:01specialists and, uh, I'll uh, get
35:04pregnant. There will be an implant,
35:07I'll get pregnant from him. "I
35:09understood why my Dagestani friends
35:11were sitting like that. I say," Well,
35:13how can you explain it, why and what's
35:16going on? "She says," I'll explain it
35:17to you. "The girl was like," Yes, "she
35:20says," I'll explain it all to you. "So,
35:22look, I have nothing to do with him.
35:24Yes, I am his mistress. If I get
35:27pregnant and something happens to him
35:30in the camp, he dies, for example, then
35:33my child will be the heir, and I will
35:36be in charge of all the property until
35:39the child turns eighteen. I say,"
35:43Excuse me, but what if nothing happens
35:45to him? "She says," It will happen, I
35:48assure you. "
35:50I say," I'm still listening. "She says,
35:53" Well, for the flask, well, just make
35:55sure it's not some Uzbek who's sharing
35:57a cell with him who gives it to me. I'm
36:00paying $ 50,000 for the flask. "What
36:04should I say to that? I say," You know,
36:08I can't imagine how this could happen
36:10at all, but in fact, I can talk to him,
36:13if you want, I'll go to a meeting and
36:15maybe we can somehow arrange a date for
36:18you and there you are at the moment of
36:21ovulation and so on. "She says," Well,
36:24go ahead. "The three of us went. Uh, he
36:28sat in sailor-like silence. I say, I
36:30tell him the story that your supposed
36:33Tanya wants a child with you, because
36:35you never know what could happen. How
36:38long will it take you to get out, will
36:40the child be big and so on and so forth
36:42. Or small, but it doesn't matter. M.
36:44He says," And how do you imagine this?
36:46"I say," Well, I don't know how I
36:48imagine it, but there are flasks, of
36:50course. "Uh, he says," Well, I can't
36:53just do that. "I say," Well, listen,
36:56what can I do? "He says," Do you have
37:00any literature with you? "" And I say,
37:05'I don't have any literature, I only
37:08have a newspaper with me.' He says, '
37:11Well, let's look at the newspaper.' We
37:13opened the newspaper, and there was a
37:15portrait of who she was? Candace Rice.
37:18The president's aide, I think she was
37:21some kind of African-American, as they
37:23say now. They used to say negresinka, I
37:26don't know why. The word has become
37:28terrible in the Russian language.
37:31African-American Candace Rice. You
37:33can't say she's a beauty queen. He
37:36looks at this page in Kommersant and
37:40says, 'No, I can't do that.' We were
37:44paid for the visit. We left. I say, '
37:47You know, I met in the country.' I say,
37:48'You know, the only thing I can do is
37:50talk to the prison warden to arrange
37:52meetings for you there.' Although you
37:54are not my wife, something might happen
37:56there. "And we broke up. I didn't see
37:59her again for many years. There was a
38:01children's Christmas party, which I
38:03went to with my children in one of the
38:05luxury stores in Moscow, where they
38:07were holding a party for children. And
38:10I look, some girl is looking at me, uh,
38:13holding the hand of a three-or
38:15four-year-old child and says:"
38:17Aleksandrovich, don't you remember me?
38:20"I say:" Sorry, no. "She says:" Do you
38:23remember the story with the flask? "I
38:25say:" Of course, how can you forget
38:27something like that? "She says:" This
38:30is his child. "I say:" So everything
38:31worked out. "She says:" What are you
38:33talking about? "I say, 'I don't
38:35understand.' She says, 'That cowardly
38:37creature, Sergei, gave away all the
38:40money and released him.' Wait
38:42a minute, now comes the most
38:44interesting part. If you want to be a
38:46guest on my next podcast and tell a
38:49wider audience about yourself and your
38:51business, write to me and find out the
38:54details. You can also attract new
38:56clients and subscribers to your
38:58projects. Place an ad in my next videos
39:02. All contacts are via the QR code and
39:04in the description of this video. Like,
39:07subscribe to the channel, and we'll
39:10continue. You're
39:11simply a master at telling stories. You
39:13can sit down and listen to it. I'll
39:15tell you one of my favorites. My friend
39:17, unfortunately, now deceased, our
39:20great director Stanislav Govorukhin,
39:22called me and said, 'We've known each
39:24other for a long time, been friends for
39:26a long time, well, he's not with us,
39:29unfortunately.' And he said, 'Sasha,
39:31I'm making a film. A black-and-white
39:34thriller, great, you'll like it.' Uh,
39:37which is called 'It's a remake of the
39:40French film' Putin '.'" Ishafota ". In
39:43Russia it will be called Weekend. And I
39:48really need you there. A big, good role
39:51, a good cast. Very much. But you have
39:56to play the lawyer. I say:" Stas,
39:57what's the problem? I'm here
40:00for you, well, listen, to star in
40:01Govorukhin's film. "Can you imagine?
40:04Maxim Matvey, Domagaro, Sukhorukov,
40:06Guseva, Maxim Matveyev, Govorukhin
40:09himself, I think it was a stellar cast.
40:12It turned out to be an excellent film.
40:14Govorukhin calls me and says:" Sasha,
40:17we have a premiere today in October and
40:19in general we have a crazy distribution
40:22planned, and I ask you to come and go
40:24on stage. "Can you imagine, going on
40:29stage with such a cast, and with
40:31Govorukhin himself. A huge cinema. I
40:34arrive, I must say, very self-ironic. I
40:39have never taken myself seriously.
40:43Which, by the way, also helps in
40:44negotiations. Let me explain to you why
40:47: if you consider yourself a king and a
40:50god, and some incompetent person stands
40:53in front of you, then there's no merit
40:56in winning a case against a fool. But
40:59if you win against someone you consider
41:01smarter than you, more cunning, or, I
41:03don't know, more resourceful than you,
41:05all the laurels are yours. I always
41:07live with this. I believe that
41:10self-irony saves the world. At least,
41:13it does for me. It's never failed me.
41:17But then, when I pulled up to the
41:19cinema in Oktyabr, something happened.
41:21It was the first time in my life that
41:23something clicked in my head. And I
41:25open the cinema door. There's a red
41:28carpet, hundreds of reporters. Well, a
41:30Govorukhin film is always an event.
41:32They lead me onto the red carpet, and I
41:34realize that I'm starting to become
41:36some kind of completely
41:37incomprehensible creature, serious, you
41:39know? And something that has never
41:40happened to me before. I start getting
41:42interviewed there, these are fans,
41:45girls, flowers, cameras, the clicks
41:47blind me, and so on. Then I go up to
41:50the second floor, because the stage
41:51exit is on the second floor. And then
41:54there were monitors hanging all around
41:57the perimeter, and excerpts from our
42:00film were showing. Guseva flashes there
42:04, Maxim Matveyev, Domagaro, me,
42:07Sukhorukov, and so on. All of this is
42:10on in a row. It's, you know, such an
42:13incredible feeling. And I can already
42:15see myself at the Cannes Film Festival.
42:18So, I'm walking, uh, Portman is hanging
42:21on me, hugging me, and Angelique,
42:24Angelina Jorley is there, you know,
42:27hysterically biting her nails. Oscar,
42:30of course, of course, Oscar. And you
42:33know, I start to feel kind of puffed up
42:34. That's it. I don't understand when it
42:36never happened, by the way, it never
42:37happened after that either. And I need
42:39something to burst with my own
42:41importance. I'm a brilliant actor. I
42:45starred in Gvarukhin's film. I don't
42:48understand what's happening to me. And
42:49there's a crowd of journalists standing
42:51around me. And they say to me:" Is it
42:53true that you want to quit practicing
42:55law and become a professional actor and
42:57act full-time? "And is it true that you
43:00, I say:" No. "Well, I'm thinking, is
43:04it true that Alexander Strizhenov
43:06invited you to star in his comedy The
43:10Grandfather of My Dreams? I say:" True.
43:13"By the way, I later starred in a very
43:15good role in it. I say:" True, we're
43:17discussing it. "Gee. How interesting
43:19are they? And what other plans do you
43:21have there? Well, journalists. At this
43:23time, some young man, a short
43:25bespectacled man, pushes the
43:27journalists aside. And he says:" Hello.
43:29"I say:" Good afternoon. "There,
43:31naturally, I sign autographs on
43:33programs. He says:" Hello. "" Good
43:35afternoon. "Tell me, please, did you
43:36study at Avgik?
43:37I say," Yes, I studied at Avgiki. "He
43:40says," Exactly, you slept with my
43:41grandmother. "Well, you know
43:44journalists, right? Everyone tensed up,
43:47everyone fell silent. Microphones, like
43:50snake heads, immediately began to focus
43:53on this story. I don't even know how to
43:55react. I say," Oh, uh, excuse me, uh,
43:59who's your grandmother? "Well, I think
44:02he came for child support a little late
44:04, so we can talk. And who's your
44:06grandmother? He says," My grandmother
44:08worked in the library on the fourth
44:10floor at Avgiki. "I remember my student
44:15days well. And there were various
44:17adventures in the acting department, in
44:20economics, in film studies, in art.
44:24There was nothing in the library. I say
44:29," You know, unfortunately, I don't
44:32remember your grandmother and Roman in
44:35the library. "He says to me," Aren't
44:37you ashamed? How about you? "I didn't
44:39come to ask for anything. My
44:40grandmother told me so much about you,
44:42how good you were, how kind and gentle
44:44you were, how well you looked after her
44:47. And here you are, journalists, your
44:49ears, you know, elephantine,
44:51microphones are shaking with happiness.
44:54I say:" Listen, I swear to you, I
44:55don’t remember. "Yeah, he says:"
44:57I’m not asking for anything. "I say:"
44:59I understand, but I can’t imagine.
45:02There you are, your grandmother and I,
45:04in those shelves with the Soviet screen
45:06. Here are the collected works of
45:07Vladimirovich Lenin, here is something
45:09else, and your grandmother and I. "No,
45:12he looks at me and says:" Wait, are you
45:15Karen Shekhnazarov? I must say, I was
45:21so hysterical. Well, everyone was
45:25laughing, personalizing me. I picked up
45:28the phone, called Karen and said: "
45:30Listen, what did you have in the
45:33library at Avgik?" Karen paused and
45:36said: "How do you know that?" And since
45:40then, I've never felt overwhelmed by my
45:44own importance, either on set or during
45:47trials or in life. All of this was, I
45:50hope, the last time it happened to me.
45:52Well, this story has always stayed with
45:55me, of course.
45:56I have this idea. Could you pose a
46:00detective story or a riddle to our
46:03viewers, and whoever can guess the
46:06outcome
46:07will receive your wonderful autographed
46:09book as a gift?
46:10Deal? Well, let me think about it. I
46:13think no one will argue that Russia is
46:16an absolutely unique country. We have
46:19our own history, which is incredibly
46:21interesting. It's often tragic, often
46:23surprising, but certainly interesting.
46:28I think we are the only example in the
46:32history of civilization when
46:35counterfeits, fakes, are sold on the
46:39second-hand market. What are we talking
46:46about? That's the story. If anyone
46:49answers or comes close, they will
46:52receive a book as a gift.
46:54I have a little quickie. Let's try to
46:57answer it. What is more important:
46:59money or reputation?
47:01Reputation, of course. If you have a
47:02reputation, then money comes naturally.
47:06But can an intelligent person be poor?
47:09Intelligence is a human ability to
47:12analyze, nothing more. We become
47:15smarter when we can analyze a situation
47:19within a certain sphere. Imagine that
47:23you are in the middle of some sphere,
47:25yes, you, and you analyze the situation
47:28from all angles. The more spherical
47:30your analysis, the smarter you are. If
47:33analysis can lead you to what you want
47:36—it could be money, it could be fame,
47:39it could be anything—then you are on
47:41the right path and you are an
47:43intelligent person. If your analysis
47:45doesn't give you this, then you are a
47:47fool. A
47:48cold communication style in
47:49negotiations is more effective than an
47:51emotional one. I believe so. Emotions
47:55overwhelm you and prevent you from
47:58concentrating. When I sit at the
48:00stadium and support my team, I am
48:03emotional. And these emotions prevent
48:05me from being fair. I am not giving
48:07this example by chance, you understand?
48:09I am a football fan. I go there to
48:12cheer for my team. And when something
48:15happens, I always blame everyone: the
48:17opponent, the referees, the rules, and
48:20so on, because I'm emotional about it,
48:22but at the stadium I can afford to be
48:25emotional. It won't lead to anything. I
48:27just worry with my friends, shout, clap
48:31, rejoice or grieve. That can't happen
48:34in negotiations. Your emotions can't
48:37overwhelm you, because otherwise you'll
48:39blame everyone: the referees, the
48:41opponents, the situation, the clients,
48:43and so on. Alexander Andreevich, if you
48:45take away everything: money, power,
48:47arguments, what's the most important
48:50thing in negotiations? You'll be
48:51surprised by my answer, right? The
48:54absence of fear of losing. If you go in
49:02with the feeling of a winner, then
49:04you're confident, and if you're afraid,
49:07it's better not to go.
49:09It was incredibly interesting. Thank
49:11you so much for inviting us back to
49:14your luxurious office.
49:15Thank you.
49:17Like, subscribe to the channel, and let
49:20us know in the comments which of
49:22Alexander Andreevich's secrets you
49:24liked best. And, of course, remember
49:27that we're giving away these three
49:29wonderful books, and you need to guess
49:32the outcome.

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