8 Signs You're Not "Nice", But A People Pleaser — Transcript

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1. 0:00do you think of yourself as a nice
2. 0:03person what do you think it is that
3. 0:05makes someone nice some might say
4. 0:08humility patience and consideration
5. 0:11While others might say it's generosity
6. 0:14empathy and forgiveness the bottom line
7. 0:16is a lot of it has to do with how you
8. 0:18treat other people but what about how
9. 0:21you treat yourself what if the niess you
10. 0:24show to others actually comes at the
11. 0:26expense of your own happiness and
12. 0:28well-being some people might try to take
13. 0:31advantage of those positive qualities
14. 0:33and use your good nature against you
15. 0:36worst of all is you might just let them
16. 0:38because you think that's what nice
17. 0:40people do so with that said here are
18. 0:43eight signs that you're not nice but
19. 0:46actually a people pleaser number one you
20. 0:49tend to over
21. 0:51apologize has anyone ever said to you
22. 0:53that you say sorry too much do you often
23. 0:56find yourself apologizing for things
24. 0:58that aren't even your fault or your
25. 1:00control while it's certainly an
26. 1:02admirable quality to be able to own up
27. 1:04to your mistakes and to take
28. 1:06accountability for the things you've
29. 1:08done wrong it's also important that
30. 1:11you're able to distinguish between
31. 1:13humility and self-blame when you
32. 1:16apologize over and over again when
33. 1:18there's no reason to or struggle with
34. 1:20excessive feelings of guilt then it's
35. 1:23most likely that you've started to
36. 1:25confuse being nice with being a people
37. 1:27pleaser number two you find it hard to
38. 1:30say no just like knowing when to
39. 1:33apologize many of us were taught at a
40. 1:35young age that it's always good to be
41. 1:37helpful and generous towards others what
42. 1:40you should also keep in mind however is
43. 1:42that it's also important to prioritize
44. 1:44your own needs and to establish healthy
45. 1:46boundaries by learning when to say no so
46. 1:50if you're someone who struggles to turn
47. 1:52down even the most ridiculous of favors
48. 1:54simply out of fear of hurting other
49. 1:55people's feelings or letting them down
50. 1:57then there's a good chance you're
51. 1:59probably a people pleaser number three
52. 2:02you agree with everyone think back to
53. 2:04the last time someone had asked you for
54. 2:06your opinion did you answer honestly
55. 2:09even when you knew they wouldn't agree
56. 2:11or it would go against what other people
57. 2:12believed in or do you tend to just
58. 2:15listen politely to those around you and
59. 2:17keep your thoughts to yourself no matter
60. 2:18how much you disagree with them while
61. 2:21it's certainly polite not to criticize
62. 2:23people for things that aren't any of our
63. 2:25business such as their looks their
64. 2:27weight and so on it is good and
65. 2:30important to speak your mind when it
66. 2:32comes to the things you really believe
67. 2:33in which brings us to our next Point
68. 2:36number four you change to better
69. 2:39accommodate others do you hide certain
70. 2:42parts of yourself when you're with
71. 2:43people truth be told many of us have
72. 2:45probably felt the pressure to conform
73. 2:47and change some aspect of ourselves to
74. 2:49seem more desirable to others be it in a
75. 2:52romantic context like to impress your
76. 2:54crush or in a social context such as to
77. 2:57act a certain way to fit in with the
78. 2:59popular kids or or to please your
79. 3:00parents but the moment you start to lose
80. 3:03sight of yourself and change too much of
81. 3:05who you are just to please the people in
82. 3:07your life you're inadvertently telling
83. 3:09yourself that their happiness matters
84. 3:10more than yours number five you feel
85. 3:13uncomfortable with conflict are you
86. 3:15always wondering whether someone is
87. 3:17upset with you or not perhaps you can't
88. 3:19stand the thought of anyone even total
89. 3:21strangers being mad at you even for the
90. 3:23things you know you're completely
91. 3:25justified in a sign that you may be a
92. 3:27people pleaser is if you're always
93. 3:29choosing to give in and apologize rather
94. 3:31than stand up for yourself and what you
95. 3:33think is right because you don't know
96. 3:36how or don't want to deal with conflict
97. 3:39in fact you may even go to Great Lengths
98. 3:41bending over backwards just to avoid it
99. 3:44number six you take responsibility for
100. 3:46other people's feelings empathy can be a
101. 3:49very beautiful thing and the ability to
102. 3:51put yourself in other people's shoes is
103. 3:53how you're able to understand and
104. 3:55connect with them deeply but be careful
105. 3:58remember that you're not responsible for
106. 4:00other people's feelings and that it's
107. 4:01not up to you to fulfill their emotional
108. 4:03needs don't make the mistake of doing so
109. 4:06just because you think it's the nice
110. 4:08thing to do it'll only leave you
111. 4:10frustrated stressed out and emotionally
112. 4:13drained number seven you constantly seek
113. 4:16external validation are you always
114. 4:18looking for some kind of approval from
115. 4:20people around you maybe you never feel
116. 4:23good about your accomplishments until
117. 4:24you receive praise from other people or
118. 4:27perhaps you need kind words and
119. 4:29appreciation to affirm your self-esteem
120. 4:32and we'll go to Great Lengths just to
121. 4:33get it but seeking too much external
122. 4:36validation and defining yourself
123. 4:38entirely by how others see you can be
124. 4:41problematic and self-destructive after
125. 4:43all you're going to have to learn sooner
126. 4:45or later that you can't please everybody
127. 4:48and that you can only make yourself
128. 4:50truly happy and number eight you don't
129. 4:53speak up when your feelings are hurt
130. 4:55last but certainly not least being too
131. 4:58much of a people pleased to speak up
132. 5:01when other people hurt your feelings
133. 5:02because you think it's not their problem
134. 5:05or that it might upset them is a clear a
135. 5:08sign as any that what you're actually
136. 5:10doing isn't being nice but that you're
137. 5:12being unfair to yourself just to make
138. 5:13other people happy in time if you
139. 5:16continue to keep it up you may end up
140. 5:18finding that it'll keep you from forming
141. 5:20authentic and mutually satisfying
142. 5:22relationships so do you think you might
143. 5:24be guilty of being too much of a people
144. 5:26pleaser let us know in the comments
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151. 5:39references and studies used in this
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