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7 Harsh Truths About Men I'd Share If You Were My Daughter — Transcript

by Tomisin Atobatele · 6,434 words · 852 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00what if I told you there are some
0:02brutally honest things that you must
0:04know about men before you begin to date
0:07them what if I also told you if you
0:10choose not to learn these things you
0:12will eventually be taught them through
0:15the painful experiences that you will
0:18have with men if you would rather hear
0:20it than experience it then join me on
0:23today's show where we'll be discussing
0:25seven harsh truths about men I'd share
0:28with you if you were my daughter that
0:31way you can learn of the reality you're
0:34bound to face as soon as you begin
0:37dating men number one men are the same
0:41everywhere you're under the impression
0:43that all the bad men live in the USA and
0:46so let's say you are living in the USA
0:49and because you live in the USA you
0:51think to yourself H I'm only going to
0:53meet horrible men here they all don't
0:55know what they want they're all really
0:58feminine they all want me to give them
1:00princess treatment none of the men in
1:02the USA are at all what I'm looking for
1:04but you want to know who is what I'm
1:06looking for he lives in Italy because I
1:09have this fantasy that when I take a
1:12trip to Italy I'm going to be staring at
1:14the Eiffel Tower it's going to be
1:16sparkling in my face there's going to be
1:17a slight breeze from the west and then a
1:20man is going to tap me on the shoulder
1:22I'm going to look back he's going to say
1:24Madame I just wanted to give you your
1:26perfume that you dropped back there and
1:28I wanted to let you know know that this
1:30scent is unlike any scent I've ever met
1:33I've ever smelt in my entire life and
1:35you say oh my gosh that's such a magical
1:37and kind thing of you to say and then
1:39the two of you kiss in front of the
1:41Moonlight while the Eiffel Tower is
1:43glowing and the stars are out at night
1:44here's the problem right someone said
1:46that's France oh that is in France right
1:48that a is not nilly right you get my
1:50point see when you begin to believe that
1:52hey all the good men or my fantasy is
1:55existing in uh Italy or France or
1:59wherever now you start to say okay the
2:02man of my dreams is from there not where
2:05I'm from he's from Italy so when I go to
2:07Italy or I go to France right whichever
2:10whichever one I go to France I go to
2:12Italy and I meet a guy I automatically
2:16begin to assume that guy is one of the
2:18good men because I met him in the the
2:21place where I imagined all the good men
2:24to exist but the problem is and this is
2:26where I come in as your dad to let you
2:28know some he truths about men men are
2:31the same everywhere meaning everywhere
2:34you go there will be bad men everywhere
2:37you go there will also be good men never
2:40be of the belief that just because a guy
2:43is from a different country a different
2:45city a different culture a different
2:48ethnicity that that necessarily makes
2:50him a bad or a good man okay you make no
2:55assumptions when you start dating guys
2:58that they're either bad or good simply
3:00because they're from a different area or
3:02simply because you're not accustomed to
3:03dating those type of men the reason I
3:05say that is because you can easily
3:07become tricked by men who just aren't
3:10from your area because you believe all
3:12the good men live in Italy or you
3:15believe all the good men live in France
3:17and so this man that you met in your
3:19magical moment on the Eiffel Tower while
3:21it was sparkling you said to yourself oh
3:24this is definitely the man I'm looking
3:25for so in everything that happens in
3:28your relationship from there on out you
3:30give him the benefit of the doubt
3:31because you're of the belief that oh
3:33you're exactly who I want you're the
3:35kindest most nice most appreciative most
3:37amazing gentleman I'll ever meet in my
3:39entire life and so I'm never going to
3:41doubt that I'm never going to question
3:43that because I know that I always wanted
3:46to meet a man in Italy and I know that
3:49the men in Italy are so amazing you want
3:51to know what the people from Italy or
3:53the people from France are saying about
3:55all the men in their area they're saying
3:57all our men are garbage you should go
4:00across the world to USA cuz that's where
4:03all the handsome big buff masculine men
4:07exist good men are everywhere meaning
4:10good men are also in your town and in
4:12your city there's also very bad men in
4:15your town and in your city it's your job
4:17to decipher in the process of meeting
4:20them and getting to know them which they
4:23are for number two do not convince
4:25yourself that rich men are not the same
4:29as as the poor men okay we're going to
4:31draw a little bit of a graph here see in
4:34today's 2024 World you have a lot of
4:37people talking to you about how a man
4:40who really likes you will do what what
4:42will he do spend money and what will the
4:45poor broke men do that you don't want
4:47they will they'll make you pay but here
4:49I am as your father here to tell my
4:52precious daughter it doesn't matter
4:54whether he makes you pay or whether he
4:57pays for everything and spends a lot of
4:59money money the reason for that is
5:01because both rich men and poor men
5:05understand that there is a strategy to
5:07playing women they just do it slightly
5:10differently see the poor men in which
5:13you've been accustomed to and which
5:15everyone is trying to uh make you aware
5:18of they will use words and lies and
5:23manipulation to essentially trick you
5:26into believing into something that will
5:28then have you sleeping with them or
5:31allow them to take advantage of you
5:33whether it be physically or emotionally
5:34or get girlfriend treatment from you
5:36without them putting any effort or
5:38energy into you okay that's what the
5:41poor men will do now the rich men they
5:44have different a different level of
5:46resources but the outcome or the thing
5:49that they're trying to do if they're
5:50trying to play you is still the same so
5:53instead of using their words the rich
5:56man just use their money now how do they
6:00use their money they use their money by
6:02flashing it in front of you
6:04understanding that if I spend a lot of
6:07money on you if I uh you know take you
6:10out on fancy dates you've been watching
6:13all these other content creators and
6:15relationship advice gurus tell you make
6:17sure he's investing make sure he's
6:19spending all his money on you which is
6:21great but you've paid so much attention
6:23to that that even the rich men say to
6:25themselves I know majority of these
6:28women are paying attention to the the
6:29amount of money I'll spend I also know
6:32I'm a rich man meaning I have a lot of
6:34funds in excess meaning I can spend that
6:38money on her and make it look like I'm
6:41really invested in her and invested in
6:43this relationship you want to know why
6:45that's so amazing for the men because
6:47when they use their money to make you
6:49believe that they're actually invested
6:51in you they then get to rush this
6:55process uh quicker than you regularly
6:57would because you believe this is your
6:59man this is who you're looking for and
7:01then they say perfect now that you
7:03believe I'm your man now that your guard
7:05is down I'm going to get what I want
7:08from you I.E to sleep with you okay so
7:11in both of these scenarios just because
7:14they use different means to do that that
7:16doesn't mean that they're not trying to
7:17take advantage of you okay and I want
7:19you to recognize that because I don't
7:22want you to get fooled by dating rich
7:25men who will still play you okay because
7:28them Having excess as funds just means
7:31that instead of making you pay for that
7:33first date you want to know what they do
7:34instead they pay for the entire date
7:36they let you spend $300 on the meal then
7:39they say hey come back to my place let's
7:41drink a bottle of really expensive wine
7:43you go back to his place you get drunk
7:44off that expensive bottle of wine you
7:47you he says hey come sleep on my really
7:49expensive bed you come you lay down on
7:51his really expensive bed he smashes you
7:53with a nice expensive premium uh condom
7:56on and then he sends you on your way in
7:59a nice Uber XEL or Uber black all right
8:02and all the same you still end up
8:04getting used uh the way about going
8:07about it is just slightly different so I
8:10don't ever want you to think that
8:11Financial investment right when a man
8:13will spend money on you equals emotional
8:16investment okay because what both of
8:18these men are trying to do when they
8:20take advantage of you is they're trying
8:22to avoid actually emotionally investing
8:25you in you and this relationship while
8:28simultaneously getting from you the
8:30level of seriousness or investment that
8:32you would be giving to a man you are
8:34actually in a relationship with okay
8:36number there's a little bit of a trick
8:38of devaluation that the men will give
8:41you when they meet you okay so we're
8:43going to split this board here into so
8:46on the top here we have short-term
8:48happiness and on the bottom here we're
8:50going to have long-term happiness now
8:53here's the thing about the way men will
8:56uh devalue you and encourage you to
8:58devalue yourself see in short-term
9:01happiness there's very particular things
9:03that men want out of you and their
9:06relationship with you for short-term
9:08happiness right so he'll tell you things
9:11like hey I want you to be really fun I
9:14love girls that are
9:15spontaneous okay I love girls that are
9:18adventurous I love girls that take risks
9:22go out of their comfort zone so you're
9:24thinking in your mind oh if I want to be
9:27uh really attractive to him if I want to
9:29be this really seductive version of
9:31myself I should be thinking outside the
9:34box I should be doing I should be crazy
9:36the crazier I am the more attractive I
9:39am to him because he's telling me all
9:41the ways he wants fun spontaneous
9:43adventurous just you know different
9:45right I can be different I I can get him
9:47to like me and so what do you do you go
9:50on the dance floor with him and then you
9:52know you just started meeting him you
9:54just started dancing with him you're
9:55thinking I want to be fun adventurous
9:56exciting so you unbutton his pants on
9:58the Dance Floor and you're feeling his
10:00singling while you're on the Dance Tour
10:02because you want to be fun spontaneous
10:04and exciting and adventurous right
10:06that's adventurous he's hard on the
10:08dance floor and you're feeling him up
10:10inside of his pants that's that's fun
10:12right spontaneous super fun okay but
10:13here's the problem this is short-term
10:15happiness but the thing is when you're
10:17dancing with him he's like oh this is
10:19exactly what I was looking for oh you
10:21crazy girl you crazy you you you target
10:24out a storm and it's fun in the moment
10:26but then you want to know what happens
10:27after he has that short-term happiness
10:29and he encourages you to do that down
10:31the line a couple of months he then says
10:34you know what I was I was I was thinking
10:36about our relationship and uh I just
10:39feel like we're we're not really on the
10:41same page it's a a very particular type
10:43of girl that I'm looking for and uh I
10:46feel like me and you just don't mesh I
10:47think um I'm looking for some someone a
10:50little bit more serious and I just feel
10:52like I feel like you just really just
10:54want to party and have fun so H I'm
10:57looking for a different type of vibe and
10:58you're sitting like wait um I thought
11:00you wanted fun and spontaneous yeah I
11:03wanted fun and spontaneous but you know
11:05a different type of fun and a different
11:07type of spontaneous you want to know why
11:09they do that because short-term
11:11happiness and long-term happiness are
11:13completely different what he wants for
11:15long-term happiness he wants serious
11:18commitment he wants to see that you have
11:20self-respect that you have boundaries
11:24all the things that he encouraged you
11:28not to do before before or encourage you
11:30to do the exact opposite before this is
11:33why you cannot listen to men when they
11:36tell you what they want they I'm
11:38actually going to go into dad mode here
11:40men will always tell you that they want
11:43something from you that benefits
11:45themselves they will never tell you that
11:48they want something from you that would
11:50make being in a relationship harder or
11:52more difficult so when you start asking
11:56men what they want and I'm talking about
11:58the men you're actually dating when you
12:00start asking the men that you're dating
12:02what they want from you understand
12:04they're going to tell you or give you an
12:06answer that serves their short-term
12:08happiness okay majority of the time most
12:11of the time just assume it's all the
12:13time they will never give you an answer
12:15that serves long-term happiness because
12:17you want to know if what would happen if
12:19he gave you an answer that served
12:21long-term happiness he would say hey uh
12:24actually tell me no a lot so that I know
12:26that you have boundaries have self
12:29respect so um you know don't always be
12:31available to me don't drop everything
12:34for me don't drop your career and your
12:36friendships for me hey say no to
12:39sleeping with me make me wait for it
12:41think about this logic men will never
12:44tell you that they will never encourage
12:46you to do that but simultaneously those
12:49will be the only moments or the only
12:51character traits that men will think of
12:53when they want long-term happiness so
12:56the men are always are actually going to
12:58be encouraging you to devalue yourself
13:01that's why I call it the devaluation
13:02trick they're going to encourage you to
13:04devalue yourself and then once you do
13:07that they'll say ah actually I you're
13:09not who I'm looking for you don't have
13:11the type of value or you're not the type
13:13of woman that I want in my life so don't
13:16fall for the trick of thinking oh when I
13:19ask the guy that I'm dating what he's
13:21looking for I'm going to listen to what
13:23he has to say about what he's looking
13:25for take it to heart and try and change
13:28and adjust myself to be more of that
13:30because they only want short-term
13:32happiness short-term happiness serves
13:35them the most you being fun spontaneous
13:38and adventurous serves him absolutely
13:41perfectly because when you do that
13:43you're not thinking of long-term
13:44consequences number four this is your
13:47life and this is the man's life in your
13:49life you have things like your girls
13:52your fam your job and your passions he
13:55also has very similar things right he's
13:58got his boys he's also got work Hobbies
14:01this is going to be a little bit of a
14:02fatherly talk here okay this is the
14:03whole point of the show you have to
14:05understand that in this life the person
14:08you need to look out for the most is you
14:10and it is always going to be a mistake
14:13when you begin sacrificing parts of your
14:15life for a man especially and this is
14:17the going to be the really dangerous and
14:19tricky part that I want to make you
14:20aware of see even the men that will come
14:23to you and tell you H Habib T I want to
14:26take care of you do everything for you
14:28your such an amazing queen of a woman
14:31you shouldn't be doing anything okay you
14:34shouldn't even be lifting a finger I
14:36want to take care of you you stop you
14:39need to stop going to school stop
14:41studying stop stop doing anything stop
14:43working you can't be working you're
14:46working at a restaurant as stop that
14:48immediately you're my woman now I take
14:51care of you I pay for everything I want
14:52to pay for your rent I want to pay for
14:54your Cardinal I want to do everything
14:56for you right sounds good in a dream in
14:58a fantasy in a Disney princess movie but
15:00you're not in that and here's the
15:02problem see what's going to happen when
15:05these guys come across you and they tell
15:07you how much of a queen you are and how
15:09they want to take care of everything
15:11even when they begin taking care of
15:13everything you lose each one of these
15:16things right you lose your job then you
15:19lose your passions right then you kind
15:22of lose your fem cuz you're spending all
15:23your time with him and you lose your
15:25girls okay so now your circle is EMP and
15:29you've essentially transferred all of
15:31this over here to him he's got all of
15:35this now and your circle is empty but
15:38here's the problem you have to
15:40understand these men that tell you this
15:43that you're dating can quite literally
15:46this is 2024 quite literally send you a
15:49text message and end the relationship
15:53when this man is your boyfriend that's
15:54how the kids are doing it by the way
15:56right they're doing it over text they
15:57don't even meet up to break up anymore
15:59when he is your boyfriend he owes you
16:03technically nothing all he owes you is
16:07to tell you that he's breaking up with
16:09you when he wants to stop being your
16:11boyfriend I'm not saying that to scare
16:13you while I kind of am we're having a
16:15fatherdaughter conversation here but
16:16what I want you to understand is do not
16:20let go of the things that are the most
16:23important to you in your life because
16:25you get a new boyfriend that man can
16:28pick up up the phone and send you a text
16:31message with a couple of words and end
16:33the entire relationship but once you've
16:36given him your work you you've let go of
16:39your girls you've let go of your family
16:41you've let go of your job and your
16:42passions now you have nothing and
16:45remember I always tell you as your
16:47father and I love you so much and I care
16:49about you I tell you relationships are
16:51like War everyone's fighting for control
16:53so now that you've given him everything
16:55in your life and you have nothing left
16:57for you what do you think happens if one
17:00day he wakes up and he says huh you know
17:03what I I was kind of feeling like our
17:06relationship would be much better if we
17:08had an open relationship I was just you
17:10know I was out and I was I was reading
17:12up on
17:13polyamory and you know I I was really
17:15starting it was really starting to
17:17connect with me how we should be
17:19interconnected with everyone else in the
17:21world and the universe and the stars and
17:25I just feel like I need to love on as
17:27many people as I possibly Cam and I feel
17:30like a open relationship would be the
17:33best example of that but I also feel
17:35like I think for the benefit of you and
17:38your loyalty to me I feel like it would
17:41be best served to be open one-sided so
17:44I'm open to give as much love as I can
17:46cuz you know I have a lot of love to
17:47give you know I'm a very loving person
17:49and then you end up saying
17:51well I mean you're paying my
17:54rent you're paying my car
17:57note h I have to rely on you to
18:00literally live I don't have a job if we
18:02break up so then you say I don't like it
18:06but sure whatever because now you have
18:08nothing and you sacrificed your entire
18:10life for a man who can break up with you
18:12over text and now you're in in between a
18:16rock and a hard place because you have
18:19no way to support yourself now because
18:22you've allowed him to do all the
18:24supporting of you it originally sounded
18:26amazing when he was going to support you
18:28and do everything for you but now that
18:30he's actually you know doing things that
18:33you don't like and you want to walk away
18:35you have no more leverage because in the
18:38process of allowing him to do everything
18:40for you you gave him all of your power
18:42now that he has all of your power he can
18:45flip the script on you turn into someone
18:47different and now you are forced to
18:49accept it because if you walk away you
18:52have no way to pay your rent you have no
18:54way to pay your car note you have no way
18:56uh to work you have no job no future no
19:00friends no nothing why because you
19:03believed a man when he first told you
19:05hey I want to take care of you and do
19:08everything for you you should be a
19:09stay-at-home wife he didn't give you
19:11stay-at-home wife ring but he told you
19:13you should be a stay-at home wife so you
19:15should quit going to med school quit
19:18getting your bachelor's degree quit
19:19going to college you can't work as a
19:22server you can't be at that restaurant I
19:24want you to be here with me all the time
19:26and I want to take care of you 247 seven
19:29it sounded amazing but he's just your
19:31boyfriend as much as I know these boys
19:33that you date you're going to love them
19:35and you're going to think they're
19:35amazing I want you to understand people
19:37change and things change and in a
19:40relationship you want to make sure you
19:41always keep your leverage that way
19:44anyone who tries to flip the script on
19:46you knows that you are more than willing
19:48to walk away your Leverage is your power
19:51and your power also subsequently equals
19:54your level of respect people will
19:56respect you when they know that you have
19:59a level of power and control as well
20:02people don't respect you when they see
20:04you have nothing and you need them
20:06that's when they begin to take advantage
20:08of you even in your relationships even
20:10with the men you think are so amazing
20:12and so awesome you can never give away
20:15your leverage you can never give away
20:17your power not saying that being a
20:19stay-at-home wife there's anything wrong
20:20with that but you should be a
20:22stay-at-home wife I'm going to give you
20:24a dose of reality here majority of the
20:26men in this world do not have Direction
20:29they don't know what they want they
20:31don't know where they want to go and
20:32they don't know how to get there that's
20:34just the reality of life I have to tell
20:35you you're my daughter I love you I care
20:37about you after we get out of that
20:39reality now I want you to realize there
20:41are men with direction that know what
20:44they want and how they're going to get
20:45there we want you to align yourself with
20:48those men only the rest of those you
20:51know large group of men who don't know
20:53what they want and don't know how to get
20:54there leave them absolutely alone why
20:58because you you are eventually not going
20:59to be you're going to be my daughter
21:01always but eventually you're going to
21:03grow up and be that man's wife and in a
21:06regular heterosexual relationship he is
21:08going to be the head of the household
21:11right he's going to be the leader not
21:12that you're not capable and intelligent
21:14and you not smart yourself as an
21:17individual but he will be the head of
21:19your household and he has to be able to
21:21lead not only you but also your children
21:24as well that you're going to have with
21:26him and even though you're still my
21:28daughter I'm eventually going to give
21:30you away and you're G to have your own
21:33family and build your own family and
21:35your own tribe without me if that man
21:37doesn't have direction or know what he
21:39wants he will never be able to lead you
21:42and your children that's very bad
21:43because I can't help you then I can't
21:45help to come in and provide direction to
21:48your relationship and your immediate
21:49family even though I'm your dad and I
21:51love you I have my own woman and my own
21:54family and my own things to tend to and
21:56as you become an adult you have have to
21:58VI off and you have to trust that your
22:00man is capable of making good decisions
22:03because if your man is a man without
22:05Direction and one day he says oh you
22:08know I just I don't really like to think
22:10too hard you know I just like to one day
22:12if I'm over here I go to the left and
22:14then maybe one day if I'm feeling it I
22:16go to the right and then another day you
22:18know I might go over here and then I
22:20might go up one day and oh today I want
22:22to go to and now I want to go down and
22:24I'm here one day and here and another
22:26day and I'm here and I'm here and I'm
22:27here and I'm here and I'm here here and
22:28I'm here and I'm here all of a sudden
22:30you're in a maze and you want to know
22:32what happens when you're in a maze you
22:34become very confused you don't know
22:35where's in you don't know where's out
22:38you don't know how to get out you don't
22:39know how to get to the center and you
22:40don't know how to get to your
22:41destination you're just wandering around
22:44in circles make sure when you begin
22:46dating men ex out all of the other stuff
22:49about feeling good and you just want to
22:51be in la la land and you and all the
22:53other stuff figure out first if that guy
22:55has Direction in his life if he doesn't
22:58you'll be wasting all of your time if he
23:01does then you can start thinking about
23:04all the other stuff in a relationship
23:06and whether he's the one that you're
23:07looking for if you meet men without
23:10Direction they will literally drive you
23:12around in circles until that car runs
23:16out of gas in which case you will then
23:19step out and say it was fun while we
23:21were driving around in circles I'm going
23:23to go off somewhere else and do
23:25something else you're going to sit in
23:27the car you're going to want wonder what
23:28am I supposed to do now I've wasted
23:30years of my life here direction is a man
23:33who knows what he wants out of life
23:35where he wants to be even if he's not
23:37there right now and how he wants to get
23:39there and then the fourth part of that
23:42is a man who actually takes action on
23:44those things that he wants out of life
23:47okay and that can be anything as long as
23:50he has a clear path of where he wants to
23:52be and it doesn't have to be oh I want
23:54to be a billionaire I want to be a
23:56millionaire I want to uh solve world
23:58world hunger I want to cure cancer it
23:59doesn't have to be that as long as he
24:01has a clear path or direction of where
24:04he wants to go and he has some sort of
24:07idea or semblance of how he's going to
24:09get there and he actually puts that plan
24:10into action that's a man with Direction
24:13number six very important here when you
24:15date guys one of the first things you
24:17need to take notice of is his habits
24:20because habits are a snapshot of where
24:23he will be in the future habits have a
24:25direct correlation to success or or lack
24:29of success in his future and success
24:31doesn't just have to mean monetary
24:33success success can just mean having a
24:35rich and Abundant Life so I want to give
24:37you a little bit of an analogy uh so
24:39that you can better understand this say
24:41this is his room here let's say one day
24:43he decides to leave one dirty dish there
24:47let's say he slurps up some spaghetti
24:49some macaroni and cheese I don't know
24:50some craft dinner he makes some sort of
24:52concoction and he eats it halfway
24:55through and he leaves the rest of the
24:57plate there while he plays video games
24:59okay now leaving one plate in his room
25:02is not necessarily going to be the
25:04difference between life and death then
25:06on day two instead of washing that plate
25:09or taking it to the sink he leaves it
25:11there and then he eats something
25:13else and then he leaves another dirty
25:15plate on day number three once again he
25:19slurps his spaghetti and he leaves his
25:22dirty plate while he eats or while he uh
25:24plays video games and this goes on for
25:27multiple
25:29multiple multiple days and all these
25:33plates continue to sit there and sit
25:36there and sit there for weeks until they
25:41all start sprouting mold so now you got
25:44maggots over here right you got maggots
25:47all over the place you got flies all
25:49over the place you got uh you know you
25:51start having rats you start having mice
25:54and this whole room turns into a pigy
25:57that you know the air isn't even
25:59breathable anymore because of how
26:01disgusting it is someone said roaches
26:03yeah we can add the roaches here okay it
26:04only started with one plate but the
26:07habit of leaving the plates in the room
26:10and never washing them over and over and
26:13over again is what accumulated over time
26:16to this whole room being basically
26:19unlivable are you following what I'm
26:21saying it doesn't become unlivable in
26:24one night it becomes unlivable when the
26:27habits pile up over the course of time
26:30so the same thing with the men that
26:31you're dating you
26:34need to take notice of their habits
26:37whether good or bad because those habits
26:39will directly shape your future and the
26:43future of your relationship with him if
26:45that man has bad habits your future and
26:48your relationship will be shaped
26:50directly by those things so let me give
26:52you an example of what we would describe
26:55as a bad habit let's say for the sake of
26:57example your your man has a really bad
26:59habit of uh you know not communicating
27:02to you when he's not going to show up
27:04somewhere okay and let's just say he
27:07really has a horrible habit of flopping
27:08on you he'll promise you that you'll go
27:10out one day and then all of a sudden you
27:12know he just never says anything to you
27:14doesn't speak to you and he disappears
27:16for that whole day and you don't know
27:18what's going on until you know the next
27:20day now over the course of time you
27:21might think well you know standing me up
27:23on one date is not that big of a deal
27:26but as you're building and building this
27:28relationship with this man what you're
27:30actually seeing is the habit of not
27:33being uh not being responsible and the
27:36fact that you can't count on him to do
27:38what he says he was going to do so you
27:40want to know how that habit of not being
27:42able to be someone you can count on
27:44manifest in the future of your
27:46relationship now in the future when you
27:48guys are married he then says to you oh
27:51you have this really really important
27:54event that's going on today yeah I'll
27:56make sure that I'll finish work on time
27:59or early I'll come back and I'll drive
28:01you there cuz I know we only have one
28:03car and I know this is a really
28:04important event for you to go to for the
28:06future of your job right cuz your boss's
28:08going to be there and everyone's going
28:09to be there you're like cool perfect you
28:11can finish work early you can get here
28:12drive me there and I'll be all good and
28:14then in the time that you rely on him
28:16when you need him the most you can't
28:18count on him because he forgets and
28:20fumbles and stumbles and is like oh I
28:22had a really busy day at work and then
28:24he just never shows up to pick you up
28:25there and you don't get this job because
28:28because you couldn't show up there on
28:29time because you were counting on him to
28:32drive you there and he was still at work
28:34and so it sounds small in theory but
28:36when those habits build up over time
28:39they manifest themselves in different
28:41ways in your relationship Point number
28:42seven here sustainability versus
28:45intensity you will hurt yourself and the
28:50happiness of your future relationships
28:53if you focus more on intensity then you
28:56do sustainability there is one that
28:59you're are more likely to lean towards
29:01because of how it makes you feel
29:04unfortunately sometimes you have to
29:07understand that what your what your body
29:09and your emotions are going to try to
29:11get you to do actually doesn't serve you
29:13it's a very strange thing that happens
29:15but it happens to all of us see
29:18intensity is very
29:21intoxicating it feels like being drunk
29:24when someone can be so intense and so
29:26passionate with you
29:28when you first meet them you feel like
29:30you're in a fairy tale you feel like
29:32you're being whisked away you feel like
29:34you're in a dream and it feels good to
29:36all of us to be swept up like you're in
29:39a music video or you're in a movie the
29:42problem is though in real relationships
29:46what you're going to realize is no one
29:49no one is capable of
29:51sustaining such a high level of music
29:55video or movie or fantasy or what pad
29:58level of intensity with you it is quite
30:02literally impossible for someone to be
30:05that emotionally focused on you
30:09247 for that person or that relationship
30:12to even exist now that's not a bad thing
30:16and I don't want you to think that you
30:17should stop believing in love or that
30:19love is not real or that you can't feel
30:21emotions intensely but what I want you
30:23to understand is when you're focusing
30:25more on intensity you'll always get
30:28tricked because you're going to be
30:29focused on how you feel on a minute by
30:32minute basis because that intoxicating
30:35feeling is very fleeting right like I
30:38said it can't be sustained so when
30:40you're in that mode when you're looking
30:42for that you only want to think about
30:46your short-term happiness to feel good
30:48in that moment like you're in that
30:50fantasy but the problem is when you're
30:52no longer in that fancy because it's
30:54impossible to sustain that level of
30:56intensity you then spend the rest of
30:58your time searching for that same
31:01intoxicating feeling and then you put
31:04yourself in this vicious cycle where
31:07because the intoxicating feeling can't
31:09last you spend a lot of time not having
31:12this feeling and then instead of
31:15actually focusing on what you should be
31:16focusing on which is sustainability you
31:18spend all of that time desperately
31:20focused on recreating that intoxicating
31:24level of intensity you will go in a
31:27hamster wheel chasing around your uh
31:31that same high sustainability is what
31:34actually has to do with your future
31:35happiness and you want future in
31:37long-term happiness you don't want to be
31:40happy for just one day do you I'm asking
31:43you do you want to be happy for one day
31:46of the year or do you want to be happy
31:48for 365 days of the year because
31:51sustainability is what actually you you
31:54should be looking for if you want to
31:56feel safe in your relationship ship so
31:58why do I say all of these things to be
32:00looking out for when you're dating men
32:02cuz when you're thinking about
32:03sustainability and you're analyzing the
32:05information being given to you on your
32:08dates you'll be analyzing it from the
32:10perspective of how does what is going on
32:12right now either serve or do a
32:16disservice to the future of my
32:18relationship meaning if I were to
32:21continue to see this same action right
32:23for the next couple of years or the next
32:26couple of decades would I be happy or
32:29unhappy and if I would be unhappy right
32:32with the if I'm unhappy with the things
32:34that are going on right now in the F in
32:36Future's time will this thing be even
32:39worse what is the outlook on this
32:41situation based on how it's going right
32:43now these are the things I know it's not
32:46fun to think about I know it's not like
32:48a movie it's not like a fantasy it's not
32:50like a whatpad story but these are the
32:52things that are the most important
32:53because when you start dating looking
32:55for sustainability you start making
32:58decisions for future you and then you
33:00want to know who ends up being the
33:02happiest future you when you make uh
33:05decisions for intensity you're making
33:07decisions for the shortterm you but you
33:09want to know who ends up being the most
33:11unhappy and the most miserable future
33:14you because future you looks back on the
33:16decisions that uh you know short-term
33:18you made for intensity purposes and says
33:21damn I really wish I didn't make that
33:23decision or choose that guy

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