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7 Habits That Changed My Life After 30 (Wish I Started Sooner) — Transcript

by Clark Kegley · 3,470 words · 493 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00If you want to change your life, you
0:01need to be consistently good, not
0:03occasionally great. And that's where
0:04your habits come in, and man, [music]
0:07they are even more important post 30,
0:09when your life is fuller and your
0:11Spotify wrapped is just podcasts about
0:13gut health. Here are seven habits that
0:15changed my life after 30. Try one or two
0:17of these out. I think you'll see a real
0:19difference.
0:22So, most of my 20s, I focused on lifting
0:24weights, bench pressing and leg day that
0:26happens once a month. I always thought
0:28that was enough until I started feeling
0:30kind of sluggish throughout the day. One
0:32day I was walking past this track and
0:33thought to myself, you know, maybe one
0:35day I should go running on it. That
0:36sounds fun. And then a voice kicked on
0:38and said, "Why not now?" So, I hopped
0:40the fence and for the first time in
0:42years, ran a couple laps around this
0:45track. My face was beat red by the end.
0:48I was clocking like 16-18 minute miles.
0:51I mean, I was barely running. I went
0:53home and felt amazing the rest of the
0:55day. Like better than I ever did when I
0:57went and lifted weights at the gym. It's
0:59so easy to write it off as, "Oh, I'm too
1:01tired to work out, you know, at the end
1:03of the day." But one thing that's helped
1:04me is realizing you don't need energy to
1:06work out, you get [music] energy from
1:09working out. That 1 hour you get out
1:12moving gives you 3 hours extra of
1:15productivity throughout the day. That's
1:16what I've noticed. And since changing my
1:18approach to that, instead of like how
1:21much weight can I lift, how can I lose
1:23weight to look good, like it really
1:26changed it it transformed my
1:27relationship with exercise because when
1:30you're doing it for a feeling, every
1:32single workout you do is a win. I used
1:35to come out of the gate just like
1:36running as fast and as hard as I can go,
1:39and I would be wiped for the rest of the
1:41week. I didn't want to do it again. And
1:43when I switched to doing zone two, that
1:45was something I could do multiple times
1:47a week and I didn't feel exhausted
1:49afterwards, like I needed to take a nap.
1:51Our steps decline as we age, so being
1:53more proactive with actual movements,
1:56ideally outdoors for me, has been a game
1:59changer, especially as I get older.
2:04Stanford did this one study that always
2:06stuck with me, and I think it's really
2:07relevant to where we are today. They
2:09gave a presentation to a class of
2:11college students, and at the end when
2:12they surveyed the students on how much
2:14they remembered from the presentation,
2:16only 5% remembered stats, and 63%
2:20remembered the stories. Obviously,
2:22reading can change your life and is
2:24important, especially as we get older,
2:26to keep learning. But I think what's
2:27even more important than just cramming
2:29more information and kind of having this
2:32info gluttony phase that we're in as a
2:35society with AI tools where you can get
2:37summaries and, you know, just a a couple
2:39clicks, information is just everywhere.
2:41What's more important and what I wish I
2:43did more of that is changing my life
2:45after 30 is reading stories. I'll give
2:48you some examples in a minute, but I'm
2:50even embarrassed to admit back in my 20s
2:52when I was in the phase of reading tons
2:55of nonfiction, if there was a story that
2:58the author put in there about someone or
3:01about themself, I would even skip it and
3:04I thought it was about the tactics.
3:06Like, okay, just give me the good stuff.
3:07Not not any of the fluff or filler. I
3:09you know, I want the how-to. And that
3:11mindset is prevalent even today, you
3:13know, you see every YouTube video,
3:14people are summarizing it in the
3:16comments and they want to get through as
3:18much information as fast as possible.
3:20What I learned is that sucks all the
3:22soul and nuance from things. And it's
3:25about the depth of the ideas, and the
3:29deeper they are, and the more time you
3:31spend with them, the more they'll stick
3:33with you, and the more they have the
3:34ability to change your life in the
3:35future. Stories are not just filler and
3:38nice to have. They're literally how we
3:39pass down culture, sitting around a
3:41campfire before we had written language.
3:43You know, you go into any elementary
3:45school and there's the craziest kids
3:47bouncing off the walls, and then, oh,
3:48when it's story time, they perk up and
3:50they're locked in. You got movies you
3:52saw 10 years ago and you can't recall
3:54the character names, but I bet you can
3:56recall the plot line or story. I started
3:59reading biographies like this one, Total
4:01Recall by the governor, Shoe Dog by Phil
4:04Knight, the story of Nike and building
4:06that company, this one by Walter
4:08Isaacson, anything by Walter Isaacson is
4:11amazing, Steve Jobs, controversial
4:13figure but the whole thing doesn't just
4:15glaze him. It's like 600 pages of behind
4:17the scenes how he built the first
4:18trillion-dollar company. Also by
4:20Isaacson, Da Vinci. Working my way
4:22through this guy about one of the most
4:24creative minds. And the main point is
4:27that his genius wasn't what propelled
4:29him forward, but it was his curiosity.
4:32And that we have that same curiosity
4:34within us if we pursue it and tap into
4:36it. And obviously you can go more on the
4:37nose with stories from fiction itself.
4:40So, two that I read that I loved, Crime
4:43and Punishment, little harder to get
4:45through but I found definitely worth it.
4:47One I don't have pictured here is East
4:48of Eden. I'm working my way through that
4:50one right now. Nonfiction, pop
4:52psychology books have their place. I'm
4:53still a huge fan, but I think back to
4:55that Stanford study where 5% remembered
4:58stats and how-to and 63% remembered good
5:02stories.
5:05All right, if you're like most, your
5:06screen time is over 6 hours a day. And
5:08it's so easy to default now to just
5:10scrolling whenever we're bored. [music]
5:12But back in the day we used to have to
5:14fill boredom with things we were
5:16interested in. As a kid, your parents
5:18put you in classes or maybe you joined a
5:20sports team or it was a creative project
5:22or skateboarding. That in-between time
5:24where you're not at school, you're not
5:26at home, you're doing something. Now if
5:28you get asked what do you do for fun,
5:29I'm sure you have interests, but a lot
5:31of it goes to this guy. Or you ask the
5:33average person that and it's a movie
5:34they saw or a TV show they're watching
5:37or like a funny Instagram reel. For me,
5:40the biggest change was instead of
5:42spending more time on screens, [music]
5:44I got hobbies. Something you're doing
5:47just out of genuine curiosity because
5:49it's fun, not necessarily because it
5:51leads to a result. I think in the age of
5:53social media, too, we've been
5:55conditioned to think that if things
5:56aren't productive for us or they can't
6:00be monetized, then there's no point. But
6:03what I've learned is that optimizes all
6:05the fun and excitement out of your life.
6:08I have found so much joy in hobbies,
6:10whether it's drums or dog training or
6:13gardening. The things you're doing
6:15outside of work and resting that just
6:17make you more interesting as a person.
6:18So if you want to learn something you're
6:20curious about but never done, one of my
6:21favorite ways to do it is to take a
6:23class, and that's where today's sponsor
6:25comes in, [music] Skillshare. If you're
6:27looking to reconnect with your
6:28creativity and maybe avoid brain rot,
6:30Skillshare is where humans [music] come
6:32to learn from other humans. It has
6:33thousands of classes taught by industry
6:35pros in categories like content
6:37creation, [music] music production,
6:39productivity, even tools to level up
6:41your career. Four years ago, I took a
6:43class on how to speak confidently on
6:46camera by Nathaniel Drew, and all the
6:49behind-the-scenes nuance of what goes
6:51into planning a video, how do you shoot
6:54to tell a story, even the editing
6:56creative process. Those lessons stuck
6:58with me and changed how I created. And
7:00if you've never done something, it can
7:02be overwhelming. So what I love about
7:04Skillshare is their feature called
7:06learning paths. These are curated
7:08classes designed to be taken in order
7:11for you [music] to master a skill. So
7:12for example, if you wanted to start a
7:14YouTube channel, their learning path on
7:16content creation is designed to build on
7:18top of each other. [music] Instead of
7:20getting overwhelmed by disjointed
7:22one-off videos you find online. So if
7:24you're looking to reconnect with your
7:25creativity or pursue a hobby that makes
7:27your life feel fun again, the first 500
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7:31>> [music]
7:32>> or scan this QR code will get a
7:33one-month free trial to Skillshare. Now,
7:36here's the next
7:37>> [music]
7:37>> habit.
7:40This was some time ago. I was scrolling
7:42through my camera roll and found
7:44something that freaked me out. Like 60%
7:47of it was just screenshots of Uber Eats
7:50receipts or photos of my dog sleeping in
7:5319 different positions, right? The thing
7:55that freaked me out is what was missing
7:56from my camera roll was me. And I don't
7:59mean it in a narcissistic or
8:00self-centered way, but there were
8:01moments that I had lived with Danny
8:04where we went on a trip or I went home
8:07and was with my family or the people
8:09that mattered most and the irony hit me
8:10that the dumb things I didn't care
8:13recording were living there forever, but
8:16the memories that I really wanted
8:17recorded were nowhere to be found. That
8:19was a couple years ago and ever since
8:21then I made this habit that I wish I had
8:23started way sooner. Start documenting
8:27your life. Easy one, take more photos.
8:29Um I'm not talking for social media so
8:31we can post them. I'm talking like
8:33things that you want to remember for
8:35yourself. I even got this camera as a
8:38single-use [music] item for the
8:41intention of just taking photos for
8:42myself. Whenever I pull out the phone,
8:44it kind of feels like work. So I like
8:45having a separate item that's just for
8:47documenting. [music]
8:48Obviously this can be videos as well. So
8:50every single year I made a habit of
8:53sitting down [music] with the camera and
8:55talking to it for 20 minutes. I like to
8:58cover the three biggest highlights of
9:00the year and the three biggest
9:02challenges of the year. How cool would
9:03it be if your grandparents had done that
9:05and you got to see you know, when they
9:07were your age talking through life.
9:10Another way I love documenting is
9:12keeping a journal. Okay? You know, this
9:14is great if you're like camera shy or
9:16you don't want to be the person pulling
9:17out your camera everywhere. Being as raw
9:20and real in your journal as possible,
9:22those are the entries I look back on and
9:25uh mean a lot. Really at the end of the
9:26day, life is about moments. You might as
9:28well grab a few more of them.
9:33When I was younger, I used to take pride
9:34in how little sleep I could get. You
9:36know, give me 5-6 hours, I'm good. But
9:39when you hit 30 and older, that catches
9:40up with you real quick. Especially when
9:42you hear things like sleep deprivation
9:45can impair your cognitive performance at
9:48the same levels of being legally drunk.
9:50>> [music]
9:50>> And men who sleep less than 5 to 6 hours
9:53a night have the same testosterone
9:55levels as someone who's 10 years older.
9:57Some dudes are like, "I'mma sleep 16
9:59hours and get so many gains." So this
10:02habit is to protect and perfect your
10:04sleep
10:05because every single thing in your life
10:07gets easier when you're sleeping better.
10:09Now, I'm no sleep expert, but here are
10:11the three best tips that really took my
10:13scores up into the higher range. Number
10:15one, falling asleep and waking up at the
10:17same time 7 days a week. Your body runs
10:20on a circadian rhythm and it starts
10:21secreting melatonin when it knows it's
10:23time to go to bed. Irregular sleep
10:25schedules kind of give your body that
10:27jet lag feeling and it's really hard to
10:29be consistent. Everyone's different, but
10:31for me that's usually around in bed by
10:339:00 and up around 5:00. Number six.
10:35Number two, any light can suppress
10:37melatonin even with your eyelids shut.
10:40So you want to make sure you get
10:40blackout curtains or at least wear an
10:43eye mask. It's cheap. It's like 10-15
10:45bucks on Amazon and I don't travel
10:47anywhere without this thing. And number
10:48three, ditching blue lights and getting
10:51yourself some of these. Again, another
10:53cheap Amazon purchase that made a huge
10:55difference. Basically, blue light from
10:57your screens tricks your body into
10:58thinking it's daylight and it's really
10:59bad before bed. So I liked these so much
11:02I even gave them out as Christmas
11:03stocking stuffers and my family loved
11:05it. Another hack I found super useful is
11:08to set up a shortcut. If you have an
11:09iPhone, it's the side button. I rigged
11:11it to where if I triple tap, 1 2 3, see
11:14how it turns it red? And man, a couple
11:16hours before bed, that makes a world of
11:19difference.
11:22So when we're talking about habits, I
11:24think there's equal benefits in not what
11:26you add in, but what you remove. And
11:28post 30 is the perfect time for you to
11:31audit your habits and ask which ones are
11:33sticking around longer than they need
11:36to. In the same way you can go out and
11:37hustle to make an extra thousand dollars
11:39or we could just not spend a thousand
11:41dollars and it's the same net benefit in
11:43your bank account. I think what you
11:44don't do gives you more confidence and
11:47energy. So, for me when I hit 30, I quit
11:49drinking. That was a huge thing that I
11:53was relying on.
11:55Um I felt like I had to alter my
11:56personality when I was in a group of
11:58people to be more likable so I would
12:00just drink and I noticed it started
12:02eating away at my confidence. I knew it
12:05wasn't healthy for me and I felt
12:06sluggish all the time. So, when I hit
12:0730, I did a 30-day experiment of no
12:11alcohol. Little did I know that would
12:12turn into something that has now been
12:15over 1500 days. And that one change
12:17allowed me to take my business seriously
12:20because I wasn't hungover all the time
12:21with like energy fluctuations. It
12:24allowed me to progress my relationship
12:25forward, get engaged, move here to
12:27Arizona and restart my life. So, this
12:29habit is to quit something. And the
12:32point here is not to self-attack and
12:33like judge yourself for it. We all have
12:35our thing. I have found when it comes to
12:37changing a bad habit, what doesn't work
12:40is shaming yourself into trying to
12:42change. What does is getting excited
12:45about the version of you who exists
12:47without that thing. So, when I quit
12:49drinking, I was like, who is that
12:52version that doesn't need alcohol to
12:54alter his personality? And that
12:56motivated me a lot. Like I'm like, I
12:58want to meet that dude. Practically, I
13:00would just make a list this week of all
13:02your bad habits and [music]
13:04don't try and quit all of them at once
13:06and say, "Okay, I'm never doing these
13:08things again." But [music] just pick the
13:10biggest one that you know has overstayed
13:12its welcome. Put all your energy into
13:14experimenting with quitting that for 30
13:17days and just getting curious on who the
13:19version of you is at this phase without
13:21that thing. Because a question that
13:23served me well when quitting is I asked
13:25myself, "If I could start over today,
13:28would I still choose to do this thing?
13:31And if the answer is no, then you got
13:34your answer.
13:38To close this out, this is one we don't
13:40talk about enough, but hands down it is
13:43the hardest part about being older than
13:4630. There's been lots written about the
13:48loneliness epidemic that we're all
13:49facing. I think [snorts] antisocial
13:51media plays a role.
13:54But when you look at studies like
13:55chronic loneliness can increase your
13:58early death at the same rate as smoking
14:0115 cigarettes a day. And then you look
14:03at other studies like Harvard's longest
14:06happiness longitudinal study they're
14:08doing, and they say relationships, the
14:10quality of them in your life, is like
14:12the biggest factor in your happiness.
14:16One thing I learned from my fiance,
14:18Danny, is watching how close she is with
14:20the people in her life. I mean, there is
14:23no question in their minds that she's
14:25there for them. She is always on the
14:27phone calling people. She's so good with
14:30relationships, telling people what she
14:31appreciates about them. She'll even fly
14:34home 1,400 miles and, you know, attend
14:36their birthdays or bridal showers. I've
14:39always had friends. I think I lean
14:40extroverted and like people, but I've
14:43always had these packs of friends. I
14:45haven't had this one massive friend
14:47group that just, you know, we start and
14:49we end together and we do everything
14:50together. It's like I had my college
14:53pack of friends. Then I had the bands
14:55that I toured with, we got really close.
14:57And so when I hit 30, I was really
14:58looking at my the way Danny
15:02treats people and how close she is with
15:04them. I wish mine were like that. But
15:07this one habit changed my adult
15:09relationships, and that is be willing to
15:12go first. Going first means whatever
15:14you're waiting for someone else to do,
15:16you do it first. I realized I'd been
15:18waiting for people to check in on me and
15:20see how I was doing, But, I wasn't doing
15:23that to them and it's so hypocritical
15:25cuz they could be thinking the same
15:27thing. Oh, man, I wish Clark reached out
15:29to me more. I had friends here and I'm
15:30like, man, I wish they'd invite me to
15:32things, but I'm like, I haven't invited
15:34them to anything. I haven't made plans.
15:36Let me go first and reach out. And so,
15:38practically for me, what I have done to
15:40go first is I made a list of 10 to 15
15:43people that really like I care about
15:45their friendship, you know, they're
15:47coming to our wedding, they matter in my
15:49life.
15:49>> [music]
15:50>> And I just make a habit of calling them
15:52as much as possible. 15 times a day at
15:543:00 a.m. I'll go on a long walk and
15:56I'll usually be on the phone with
15:58someone for like an hour. I mean, I talk
16:00to people now more than I did when I
16:02lived 10 minutes away from them. Another
16:04quick tip I have is I think a ego gets
16:07in the way of adult relationships. We
16:09think,
16:10you know, if they wanted to hang out,
16:11they'd reach out to me. If they wanted
16:13to, they would. Ditching all of that
16:15because life is just busy and not
16:17personalizing things is even more
16:19important when you get older. People's
16:21lives are full of work or [snorts]
16:23family stress or kids now. I have
16:25something I call the rule of three where
16:27I'm willing to go first and reach out
16:29three times. You know, if I don't hear
16:31back, I'll reach out again. If I don't
16:33hear back, I'll reach out again. And I
16:34never take it personal. What happens if
16:36they don't respond after the third time?
16:38Then they're dead to you. Give it 6
16:40months and reach out a fourth time. Like
16:41so many times the thing we want is just
16:43blocked by our own ego and meaning that
16:45we've associated to it. The people you
16:47want in your life are probably waiting
16:49for someone to go first, too. Let me
16:51know in the comments what your favorite
16:52one is or if you have a habit that
16:54helped your life improve after 30. And
16:57I'll link up right here a perfect
16:58follow-up video to it
17:00that people seem to dig. So, I'll see
17:02you in that one. Big thanks to
17:04Skillshare for sponsoring this video.
17:05I'll link down below where you can learn
17:06more about them. Stop settling. Start
17:09living. Peace.

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