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7 de outubro de 2026 — Transcript

by Giovani Timotheo · 3,005 words · 407 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:01This video is a video made for myself.
0:09Uh, today is October 5th. Uh, on
0:15November 6th, I turn 25. Uh, and I
0:24would like to recover some memories so
0:27I can go back a little to my origins,
0:37strengthen myself, and be able to
0:42improve as a man. Uh, I feel there is a
0:48need. Lately I’ve been feeling very
0:54lost, uh, and I know it’s not
0:59shameful for me to, uh, do this for
1:04myself. Uh, I will divide this video
1:11into stages. Uh, I believe that it will
1:17be quite long. Uh, and the first phase
1:28would be from age 8 to 16, 17, until my
1:31high school graduation. Well, uh, in
1:46terms of friendships, uh, I was always
1:52a guy who had many friends, uh, I had
1:59an ease with communicating, uh, I
2:10didn't care much for school, you know,
2:12in terms of performance. Uh, I had
2:17present parents. Uh, so, until I was 17
2:26in my senior year of high school, I was
2:28always diligent at school. Uh, I always
2:34went every day. Uh, I believe it was my
2:40freshman year of high school, uh, I
2:43never had a single absence. Uh, and it
2:49was even funny because everyone was
2:51already on vacation, the school was
2:54already on break, and I think it was
3:00December 15th, 15th or 16th, I went to
3:02the bus stop. Uh, and the bus didn't
3:08come. Uh, so I liked it for the
3:17friendships, for the conversations, uh,
3:20for the good, well, at least I liked
3:24the school lunches, I went to a public
3:28school and at the end of my senior year
3:39, that's when I woke up to life, I
3:42didn't know it. Uh, of course, I was
3:48young, I didn't know how hard life was.
3:56Uh, now I will talk about the part with
4:02my parents. I talked about friendships.
4:06Uh, well, my parents, uh, always lived,
4:14and still live today, in a low-income
4:15community. Uh, we never had, like, a
4:26good financial situation. Uh, my father
4:33and mother never took me, uh, out to
4:36dinner. Uh, they never took me to hang
4:41out at a mall. Uh, I always went out,
4:47my mom always took me to the city
4:49center. Sometimes, uh, I have memories
4:53of her taking me to the park. Uh, but
4:58they never took me to McDonald's, you
5:03know? Uh, the first time I went to
5:09McDonald's, I was 16, I was a junior in
5:11high school, and I went with my friends
5:13. Uh, I remember to this day we went to
5:22a little street market and I even
5:25borrowed money from a friend to buy a
5:29cap, and it took me a year to pay this
5:32friend back, and it was something like
5:3620 reais. It took me a year to pay it
5:41off, even with him asking me for it. Uh
5:46, until my senior year of high school,
5:52uh, the clothes I wore were all things
5:55my mother earned. Uh, my parents never
6:04bought new clothes, new outfits, you
6:07know, for me to go to school. I was
6:14always raised that the best clothes,
6:16the new clothes, were for special
6:19occasions. Uh, so I came from a humble
6:26family, uh, a poor family from the
6:29community. And in my senior year of
6:39high school, toward the end, I woke up
6:41to life when I started taking an
6:43English course and began to see the
6:45social differences. Uh, where I
6:51attended, people dressed better, uh,
6:54communicated better, and that’s when
7:02I started comparing myself. Then, I
7:06started to realize where I was from and
7:09also used it as a reason to become a
7:12better person. Uh, after the English
7:20course, uh, I managed to pass the
7:22entrance exam for a technical school,
7:25Etec. I passed in the remaining spots,
7:35so I managed to get in after the spots
7:37were already filled. So I was doing
7:44high school and doing technical school,
7:47right? I was doing mechatronics. And
7:51that’s when I started meeting people,
7:54uh, better off in life, I would say,
8:03and Etec opened doors for me, even
8:10though I didn’t finish; I stayed
8:13halfway, I only studied for a year, uh,
8:17uh I had to drop out because of college
8:23, which I’ll talk about later. Uh,
8:32and there, after high school, I kept
8:34doing Etec for 6 months and I got my
8:37first job as a finance apprentice. Uh,
8:45it was a very good job for me. Uh, I
8:52would say it was, I wouldn't say it was
9:01luck, but something that was meant for
9:03me, because I got to work in finance,
9:05and it was, to give you an idea, the
9:14company had 3,000 employees. Uh, and I
9:20joined the finance department and
9:22worked close, not directly, but close
9:24to the owners. So, being there opened,
9:34started to open my mind—uh, I don't
9:37know how to pronounce it—but I
9:39started to have a broader vision. uh,
9:47even coming from the bottom. So, I
9:55worked for a year as a finance
9:56apprentice. Uh, during this
10:04apprenticeship, I managed to get into
10:07college with a 100%free scholarship. Uh
10:15, that was thanks to my mother's
10:17strength; she helped me a lot, you know
10:19, during that phase. Uh, I got in
10:25through a low-income quota, so I did I
10:33did college and I ended up, since my
10:38contract was for an apprentice, I ended
10:44up leaving the company because the
10:46period arrived and it ended and I ended
10:50up leaving, really. Uh, then the
10:54pandemic hit, I spent a year away, a
10:57year studying EAD and I got a second
11:04job. Uh, this second job was as an
11:13intern, I spent 2 years interning, then
11:16I became a third-party, uh they hired
11:19me as a contractor, right? I had to
11:25open my business. And I liked it. I
11:34stayed 5 years at this multinational.
11:39Uh, I learned a lot of things, I
11:40graduated, uh, I finished, right, my
11:51degree, I did economics, after
11:53graduation I did an MBA uh in financial
11:59management. Uh, I started talking about
12:05my professional life and I ended up
12:07getting lost. Uh, so I came from a
12:16humble family, a poor family, but
12:21life's opportunities uh made me see a
12:27level that my family didn't provide me.
12:37So, I wouldn't say it was luck. But
12:45there were doors that kept opening uh
12:47in my favor. Uh, even not being smart,
12:55I consider myself someone who was
12:57always hardworking after I started my
12:59English course in high school. And what
13:09affected me the most were the friends.
13:17Why? Because friends, I kept losing
13:25them along this journey. Uh, so, a good
13:37part of them. Uh, I had no one to share
13:41with. Uh, my friends, I feel they grew
13:49distant from me. No, I wouldn't say
13:54envy, but they saw that I wasn't really
14:00in the same circle as them anymore. Uh,
14:06and I felt bad. for not being involved
14:10with them and they wouldn't call me. Uh
14:15, and I wanted to go back in time a
14:29little uh to the college days. When my
14:42father found out I was going to study
14:44economics, uh, he was a bit skeptical
14:56of my ability. Uh, I remember his words
15:02to this day. He said I would be wasting
15:09my time. Said that that wasn't for me,
15:17that I would be throwing my time away.
15:27Uh, my father was always into manual
15:30labor, right? He worked as a carpenter
15:37and he was a bit skeptical of me, I'd
15:47say, because I was always raised by my
15:49mother. My parents always argued, uh,
15:55they argue to this day. Uh, they are
16:01still married, live together, but I
16:07always had a bit of a troubled
16:08childhood. Uh, there was always
16:16fighting at home and my father he was
16:25always aggressive, I I would say, with
16:31me, with with my sisters and even with
16:34my mother. Uh, so I was raised for the
16:44most part by my mother. Uh, I respect
17:00my father. And I still respect him
17:04today. I want to share something about
17:14a relationship, a dating experience I
17:17had about 4 years ago. I met a girl and
17:31, the first times we started going out,
17:44I noticed that she came from a wealthy
17:50family, wealthy in structure, wealthy
17:53in, I would say, with good relatives, a
18:02close family, and I can also say she
18:08was quite successful. Now that I've
18:17talked a bit about my life, we were
18:20totally different. And in the first
18:33days we started going out, I started
18:35lying, saying some nonsense to her, to
18:43impress her. Since I come from a humble
18:47family, I never had anything charming
18:50to talk about, I would say. Eh, good
18:56subjects. to use as an advantage. I
19:01think that's nonsense now, but so many
19:08lies even make me look foolish. I went
19:15as far as telling her my parents had a
19:17car and we didn't have one. I told her
19:25I had passed the university entrance
19:28exam and got a 100%scholarship. Another
19:36lie, because the scholarship was 100%,
19:38but I had gotten in through low-income
19:40quotas. So, there were little things I
19:47kept saying to impress her, and I ended
19:49up losing my way. We dated for 3 years,
19:59it was 3 years with a good relationship
20:07. We never fought, we never argued and
20:19I always took her out. Every weekend we
20:25would do something. We played tennis,
20:33we even did some swimming, and trained
20:37together at the gym. Her parents lived
20:43on the coast of São Paulo. So, as I am
20:50near the capital, I always used to
20:52drive down to her parents 'house. And I
21:02have great memories. Great memories. So
21:09, I was always a helpful guy, I would
21:14say, during those three years I planned
21:17things. Eh, we were on the same page.
21:26Everything got complicated when I
21:34started living on my own. Eh, I still
21:41pay rent to this day. And one thing
21:49about being in her circle of friends,
21:58it affected my mental state, because
22:01her friends were successful, even more
22:04than her. Some of her friends had
22:11families, owned businesses. Eh, lived,
22:19or live, in mansions and own luxury
22:23cars, I would say. So, whenever I
22:34participated in something with her
22:37friends, it somehow affected me.
22:46Because I knew where I came from, I
22:48knew that that environment didn't
22:50belong to me and I tried in some way to
22:57keep up. So, if there was a party, I'd
23:08go, pay my tab, pay for Letícia, who
23:13was my girlfriend, and I didn't care
23:17about money, I didn't care until I
23:21moved out. So, speaking of the good
23:31times, of the three years we had
23:33together, uh, on the third Valentine's
23:44Day, it was the third year we were
23:46celebrating Valentine's Day, I took her
23:49to dinner at a restaurant. Uh, and that
23:55bill, if I'm not mistaken, had come to
23:58620 for someone who earned about 2.5 a
24:07month, it was, I had spent it without
24:14planning. So I felt, I still feel,
24:21right, that love blinded me a little,
24:24because I stopped recognizing where I
24:36came from and started having a life
24:39that wasn't my life, no, it wasn't my
24:46financial reality. Uh, and then after I
25:00started living alone, things started to
25:03get tight. Uh, for a good while I
25:09wasn't saving money anymore and I had a
25:18good relationship with Letícia, who
25:20was my girlfriend. We had plans to get
25:25married, okay? It was all already
25:28arranged, right? We had been together
25:33for 2 years, we were going to date for
25:354 years, we were going to get engaged
25:41and we would get married at 30. So,
25:47I've always been a planner and a
25:48dreamer. Uh, we got close to 4 years
26:07and then when I moved out, that was
26:08when everything started to crumble.
26:16Because I saw the money disappearing, I
26:23saw my rent to pay, so I saw the
26:29expenses I had with her and didn't see
26:32my financial progress, uh, because I
26:43had a slightly broader vision, right,
26:45of the environment I was inserted into.
26:55Uh, I've always been a bit paranoid
26:57about making an idea work, uh, creating
27:00a business, not to be rich, but because
27:03of a vision of, I would say, an
27:14entrepreneur, uh, creating jobs, uh. Uh
27:20, so, when I started living alone, uh,
27:29I had the opportunity to join a company
27:35that was a bit broken, I'd say. Uh, I
27:43had the owners' trust, but it was
27:52requested, not on their part, but what
27:57I saw, uh, I started giving myself a
28:04lot, I started focusing on work, on
28:07trying to make money. And with that, I
28:15stopped paying attention to Letícia,
28:18who was my girlfriend. Uh, a lot of it
28:36was a lack of maturity, uh, a lack of
28:47not knowing what to do. Uh, every time
28:54we had a disagreement, uh, I would stop
28:57responding to her, kind of like a
29:05silent treatment, but it wasn't
29:07intentional, because I didn't know how
29:10to deal with the situation. I thought,
29:15you see, that she was already the woman
29:19of my life. I thought it was already a
29:23done deal, right? But I didn't have a
29:28good track record with her, uh, because
29:34of the lies I told about my life, and
29:41things kept getting worse. So, after I
29:50started living alone, I thought it
29:52would get better. I mean, she was never
29:56really that present with my family. Uh,
30:01maybe because of my parents '
30:02relationship, right? I never insisted
30:06that she participate at home, but
30:15following this relationship and
30:22self-control. Uh, she kept warning me
30:28that she would break up with me if I
30:29didn't change. And I was always wanting
30:39to provide the best for her, uh, to be
30:48on her level, because she was a
30:53sweetheart, an expensive person,
30:57expensive, not because, you know, uh,
31:02expensive, her normal was above mine.
31:09Uh, I think that's the best way to
31:11explain it, because whoever has, um,
31:19being quite frank, whoever is rich
31:20doesn't know they are rich, but they
31:22have a different life than someone who
31:24is poor, right? Uh, not in this
31:31specific case, but her normal was just
31:35too much for me and I always tried to
31:41keep up, tried to keep up with her, her
31:43friends, and after I started living
31:50alone, everything got complicated,
31:52really complicated. Uh, so, I started
32:09to miss appointment times, I started to
32:20not plan things with her, I spoke very
32:22little. And thinking about it now, she
32:29was right to break up with me, because
32:39thinking it over, I lied to her. I lied
32:46. I kind of hid things. Uh, I didn't
32:55say what was really happening. So, this
33:02somehow affected me not being
33:03transparent with her. Uh, I was always
33:11one to foot the bill, pay for
33:15restaurants. Uh, we traveled, uh, we
33:23had trips planned and paid for. And
33:37thinking it over, she was right to
33:39break up with me. I thought that our
33:47relationship was already secure. I
33:52thought she was already the woman of my
33:54life and I started to focus on work, to
34:02try to raise my level to make more
34:11money, because I thought that was what
34:18was important. So, adding up all the
34:27lies that I told her about my life, uh,
34:37adding up all the times things got out
34:40of my control and I couldn't get along
34:44with her. The time I asked for space, I
34:53was already living on my own. I asked
34:57for space because, uh, I felt like I
35:03was on the verge of burnout from all
35:05the pressure I, I had at work. And, on
35:13her part, uh, she, she pushed me for a
35:16good reason, always told me to change
35:19and, uh, asked for my attention and,
35:27and I didn't, I didn't know how to
35:28balance everything. Uh, so I was a
35:36flawed guy, I would say, in her life.
35:44Uh, I hadn't stopped to think about so
35:49many details like that that now make
35:55sense regarding our breakup. Uh, it's
36:04been about 3 months since she broke up
36:05with me. Uh, and to conclude, I need to
36:22say what I expect from myself, because
36:25I need a direction, I need a goal. Yeah
36:30, it's been difficult. to recover, but
36:39I'm turning 25 in a few days. And what
36:45I expect from myself is to be able to
36:52improve as a person. Uh, I'm an athlete
36:59. Now I'm enjoying discovering new
37:11places. Yeah, so I need to get to know
37:21myself again. That's what I tell myself
37:27, that I need to learn to return to my
37:39humility again. I might be rambling
37:44right now, but I need to be more humble
37:51. And one thing my mother says, and she
37:59even told me yesterday, uh, I need
38:05closeness to God. Uh, I need to go back
38:10to attending church, I need I need to
38:21improve my religious spirit. I end this
38:27video this way, uh, hoping that I can
38:32become a better person. Who knows,
38:39maybe in the future I'll meet a good
38:42person on my level, because I think
38:51that Letícia, she definitely won't
38:54come back to me. Uh, I had already
39:04chosen her to be the woman of my life,
39:09but I didn't know how uh to take care
39:18of her, I let her slip away. Uh, but if
39:27God allowed it, it's because perhaps He
39:30saw that it was consuming me too much.
39:39Uh, perhaps He must have seen that I
39:42set my identity aside to become someone
39:45I wasn't. So, I'm going to move on with
39:53faith in God and I need to start taking
39:58care of myself again. I need to start
40:02taking care of myself again and know
40:04where I came from, where I want to go.
40:09So, I'll end this video this way. M.

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