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7 Cosas Que Siempre Deberías Guardar en Secreto Según el Tao — Transcript

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0:00There is something you do almost every
0:02day without realizing it, and it is
0:05emptying you from within. It is not
0:10what you eat, it is not how you sleep,
0:12and it is not your job; it is what you
0:14say. Think about the last time you
0:18talked about a project you were excited
0:21about. You talked about it with shining
0:24eyes, and a few days later, you didn't
0:27have the same drive. Think about the
0:31last time you talked about a problem
0:33with your partner. You were looking for
0:36relief, and the wound, instead of
0:40closing, grew larger. Think about the
0:45time you said how much you earned or
0:48how much you owed, and something
0:50changed in the way they looked at you.
0:54It was no coincidence. Twenty-five
0:57centuries ago, Lao Tzu wrote a phrase
1:00in the Tao Te Ching that almost no one
1:02dares to take seriously. It says: "
1:07Close your mouth, shut the doors, and
1:09you will not exhaust yourself in your
1:11entire life." Today you will discover,
1:17according to the Tao, the seven things
1:19you should never tell anyone, or at
1:22least not just anyone. The seventh is
1:27the hardest because it is something we
1:30do daily and almost no one sees as a
1:33leak. And at the end, I will tell you
1:38the story of a monkey who wanted the
1:40king to look at him, and why that cost
1:43him his life. But first, do something
1:47with me right now. Close your lips
1:52gently, without clenching. Rest the tip
1:57of your tongue on the roof of your
1:59mouth, just behind your top teeth, and
2:02breathe only through your nose. Once,
2:06slowly. The ancient Taoist masters
2:12practiced this daily. They said that
2:17this way energy does not escape through
2:19the mouth, that it stays inside,
2:21nourishing you. Staying silent is not
2:25hiding; it is having a door and knowing
2:28when to open it. The first thing you
2:32should never tell anyone is your dreams
2:34before they have roots. Think of a pot
2:38of water on the fire. If you put the
2:42lid on, the water boils quickly. All
2:46the heat stays inside. If you leave it
2:50uncovered, the steam escapes, the heat
2:54goes out the top, and the water takes
2:57much longer to boil. Sometimes it never
3:02even finishes. The exact same thing
3:06happens with your dreams when a goal is
3:10born: changing jobs, opening a small
3:13business, writing a book, moving
3:16somewhere else. You feel an enormous
3:20impulse to share it. It is natural. Do
3:24you want to be told it's a good idea,
3:27that someone believes in you? But when
3:31you tell it, something strange happens.
3:34You feel a small satisfaction, almost
3:37as if you had already made progress.
3:41But in reality, you haven't advanced at
3:43all; you have only let the steam escape
3:47. The excitement that was supposed to
3:51drive you to act has been consumed by
3:54words. And it's not just the Tao that
3:58says this. In 2009, a psychologist from
4:01New York University, Peter Gollwitzer,
4:04proved it with several experiments.
4:09People who announced their goal to
4:11others worked less to achieve it than
4:13those who kept it to themselves.
4:17Telling others gave them the feeling of
4:20having made progress, and that feeling
4:23took away the desire to actually move
4:25forward. And that is not the worst part
4:29. The worst comes later. The questions
4:34arrive. When is that happening? And how
4:38are you going to do it? Surely at your
4:41age...The doubts of others come, mixing
4:46with your own, and that look arrives,
4:50sometimes affectionate, sometimes not
4:53so much, saying without words: We'll
4:56see if it's true in the end. Laozi
5:00explained it with astonishing precision
5:03in chapter 64. What is still is easy to
5:08hold. What is still fragile breaks
5:13easily. What is still small is easily
5:17scattered. A newborn dream is exactly
5:23that: fragile, small, and any breath of
5:28outside opinion can scatter it. Look at
5:34the seed. It spends weeks in the
5:37darkness underground taking root. No
5:41one sees it, no one applauds it, and
5:44only when the root is strong does the
5:47first sprout appear. If the seed came
5:52to the surface before having roots, the
5:54first wind would carry it away.
5:58Practicing this first teaching is very
6:01simple. Talk about your fruits, not
6:05your flowers. When the project already
6:10exists, tell people. When you have the
6:14first result, share it. Before that,
6:18work with the lid on. And if you need
6:23to tell someone, make it one or two
6:26people, no more. And make sure they are
6:31the kind who water, not the kind who
6:33trample. The second thing you should
6:37never tell anyone is your financial
6:40situation. How much do you earn? How
6:44much do you have saved? How much do you
6:48owe? How much did your house cost? How
6:51much have you inherited? Money is one
6:55of those things that changes the way
6:57people look at you the moment it's
6:58known, and almost never for the better.
7:02If you tell them you're doing well,
7:04things appear that you didn't expect.
7:08Small jealousies, double-edged comments
7:11, relatives who suddenly need a loan,
7:14friends who start measuring what you
7:17have and they don't. And if you tell
7:21them you're doing poorly, something
7:23similar happens, but in reverse. They
7:26start looking at you with pity,
7:29treating you with care, and little by
7:32little, without realizing it, you also
7:35start to see yourself as someone who
7:38lacks. He warned about it in chapter 9.
7:43A room full of gold and jade, no one
7:46can protect it. He who boasts of wealth
7:51and status sows his own misfortune, but
7:54what matters most is not outside, it is
7:56inside. When you talk too much about
8:02your money, you give it a place in your
8:04life that doesn't belong to it, you
8:07turn it into your identity, you become
8:09the one who has or the one who has not
8:12and you cease to be simply you. Look,
8:17the river has seasons of flooding and
8:20seasons of drought. Some months it
8:24flows full and others it barely wets
8:26the stones, and it never goes out to
8:28announce its flow to the towns on the
8:31shore. It simply follows its course.
8:38There is another phrase that I find to
8:39be one of the most profound in the
8:41entire book. Who knows that he has
8:44enough? He is rich. Notice that it
8:49doesn't say who has much, it says who
8:51knows he has enough. And that wealth
8:55doesn't need to be proven to anyone
8:59because it doesn't depend on what
9:01others think of your bank account. The
9:04practice of this second teaching is to
9:07look at your numbers in private. Spend
9:12a few minutes alone to know exactly
9:14what your situation is. Without fear,
9:20without judgment, just looking. And if
9:24you need advice, look for it in someone
9:26who really knows and who knows how to
9:28keep it. But at family gatherings, at
9:33meals with friends, in the chat after
9:36eating, your money stays at home. What
9:40is not exposed is not compared and what
9:44is not compared leaves you in peace.
9:48The third thing you should never tell
9:51anyone is the good you do. It may seem
9:55strange. After all, telling about a
9:59good deed shouldn't hurt anyone, right?
10:04But notice what happens inside you. You
10:10help a neighbor with the groceries, you
10:13lend money to a relative who needs it,
10:16you spend the afternoon keeping someone
10:19company who is lonely and then, almost
10:22without realizing it, you mention it at
10:25a meal or in the middle of a
10:27conversation, casually. And just then
10:33something transforms, the gift becomes
10:36a medal. What you did for another
10:42person starts to serve you so they look
10:45at you, so they recognize your kindness
10:48, to prove to them who you are. It
10:53describes the wise man with these words
10:56. He does his work and does not rely on
11:00it. He finishes his task and does not
11:03stay to receive the credit. And
11:06precisely because he does not stay. The
11:09merit never leaves him. Look at the sun
11:12. Every morning it illuminates the
11:16entire earth, makes the wheat grow,
11:19warms the water, wakes the birds and
11:22never signs its work. It never expects
11:26a thank you. Look at the rain. It falls
11:31on the field of the good man and on the
11:34field of the selfish man, and it
11:36doesn't wait for someone to remember it
11:39. There is something almost magical in
11:43the good that is done in silence. It
11:46stays inside of you. It fills you in a
11:50way that no applause can match because
11:53you don't need anyone to know that you
11:56did it. In contrast, when you tell it,
12:00you need the other person's reaction.
12:03And if the other person doesn't react
12:06as you expected, you feel a little
12:08empty, as if that act wasn't worth as
12:10much. The practice of this third
12:15teaching is a small challenge. This
12:19week, do something good for someone
12:22without that person knowing it was you
12:25and without telling anyone afterward.
12:30No one, not even your partner, not even
12:33your best friend. You are going to
12:37notice a huge urge to tell it. Observe
12:40it. That urge tells you how much of
12:43what you gave before, you gave for the
12:45applause. And when you manage to keep
12:49it to yourself, you will discover a
12:51different joy, quieter, deeper, truly
12:54yours alone. And before we continue, I
12:58ask for a small gesture. If what you
13:02have heard so far is helping you, leave
13:04me a like. Help these teachings reach
13:09more people. And if you are not yet
13:13subscribed, do so now so that these
13:16teachings find you the next time you
13:19need them. Because what comes next is
13:23what we miss the most without realizing
13:25it. The fourth has to do with your
13:31wounds, the sixth with love, and the
13:34seventh with something you probably did
13:38today. The fourth thing you should
13:41never tell anyone is your deepest
13:43wounds. At least not to just anyone. We
13:48all carry something. A loss that still
13:53hurts, a fear that wakes us up at dawn,
13:56a stage of life we are not proud of, an
13:59illness, a disappointment. And when
14:03something hurts, we want to let it out.
14:06It is human, it is necessary. But there
14:10is a huge difference between letting
14:12out your pain and leaving it anywhere.
14:16Think of a physical wound, an open
14:19wound on your hand. Would you show it
14:23to just anyone passing by on the street
14:25? Would you let just anyone touch it?
14:30You show it to the doctor, to someone
14:33who knows how to clean it, someone who
14:36will treat it with care. The same thing
14:40happens with the wounds of the soul.
14:42Not everyone who listens cares. There
14:46are people who listen to you to
14:49understand you, and there are people
14:51who listen to you to have something to
14:54tell, to compare themselves to you, or
14:57to remind you months later in the
14:59middle of an argument. Surely it has
15:03happened to you. You opened your heart
15:08to someone in a moment of weakness, and
15:12some time later, that confidence
15:15returned to you distorted, used, told
15:19by another mouth. And that second wound
15:24sometimes hurts more than the first.
15:28Lao Tzu says that he who knows others
15:32is intelligent, but he who knows
15:35himself is wise. Knowing yourself also
15:40means knowing which part of you needs
15:43intimacy to heal. Like a newly
15:47transplanted plant, for a few days it
15:50is left in the shade, not because it is
15:53hiding, but because it is still
15:55vulnerable. The practice of this fourth
16:00teaching is a single question. Before
16:05opening your wound in front of someone,
16:08ask yourself: does this person hold or
16:12feed it? There are those who hold your
16:18pain, listen to it, keep it, and help
16:20you carry it. And there are those who
16:25feed it, make it bigger. They comment
16:27on it, turn it into drama. Look for
16:31those who hold, someone who has already
16:33shown you over the years that they know
16:36how to keep things safe. And if what
16:40you are carrying weighs too much, look
16:42for someone prepared to accompany you
16:44through it. Asking for help like that
16:49is not weakness, it is wisdom.
16:53Remaining silent is not swallowing your
16:55pain, it is choosing carefully where
16:57you leave it. The fifth thing you
17:01should never tell anyone is what others
17:03have entrusted to you. Here, the door
17:06is not just yours; it belongs to
17:08someone else. When someone trusts you
17:13with a secret, they place in your hands
17:15something very valuable: a part of
17:18their life, a fear, a shame, perhaps a
17:20mistake. They give it to you because
17:24they believe it will be safe with you.
17:27And yet, how little it takes to betray
17:30that trust. Sometimes there is no bad
17:34intention. You tell it because you
17:37think it might help, because the
17:40conversation leads you there, or
17:42because you utter that well-known
17:45phrase: "Don't tell anyone," but at
17:48that moment, it ceases to be a secret.
17:51It becomes a stone rolling downhill,
17:54faster and faster, with no one knowing
17:57where it will end. In China, there is a
18:01very old saying. Spilled water does not
18:04return to the pitcher. You can regret
18:07it, you can ask for forgiveness, you
18:10can explain that you didn't mean to,
18:13but what you have said is already out,
18:16it is already in another head, and from
18:19there it will pass to another and
18:21another. And there is something else
18:24that should be looked at honestly.
18:26Telling what another entrusted to you
18:29gives a small sense of importance. For
18:32a few seconds, you are the one who
18:34knows something that others do not. You
18:38are the center of the conversation, but
18:41it is a very high price for a few
18:42seconds of attention, because the
18:44person listening to you learns
18:46something about you. Learn that if you
18:50don't keep secrets, even if they smile
18:52at you, they will never tell you
18:54anything important again. The practice
18:57for this fifth teaching is to ask
18:59yourself a question before speaking
19:00about someone else's life. Whose story
19:04is this? If it isn't yours, treat it
19:08like a sealed letter someone gave you
19:10to keep safe. It is not your place to
19:14open it, and much less to read it out
19:17loud. Whoever knows how to keep what
19:21isn't theirs becomes someone rare and
19:24valuable, someone people seek out when
19:27they truly need it. And over the years,
19:31that is worth more than any brilliant
19:34conversation. The sixth thing you must
19:37never tell anyone is the problems in
19:40your relationship. And to understand
19:43why, I want to tell you a story that is
19:46over 2,000 years old. In ancient China,
19:49in the kingdom of Wei, there was a
19:52minister named Pang Kong. One day, the
19:56king entrusted him with a long journey.
19:59He had to accompany the prince to a
20:02distant city where they would live for
20:04a while. Before leaving, Pang went to
20:08see the king and asked him a strange
20:10question. "Your Majesty, if a man came
20:15to tell you there is a tiger loose in
20:17the market, would you believe him?""No,
20:22" said the king, "a tiger in the market
20:26is impossible.""And if two men came to
20:31tell you the same thing?" Pang insisted
20:34. The king pondered. "I would start to
20:40doubt," the king admitted. "And if
20:43three came?" asked Pang. "Then I would
20:49believe it," the king replied. Pang
20:55nodded slowly and said, "Your Majesty,
20:58everyone knows there is no tiger in the
21:02market, yet three men are enough to
21:05make one appear. The city I am going to
21:10is much farther away than the market.
21:14And those who will speak ill of me will
21:16be many more than three.""I ask you to
21:20remember that." The king promised him
21:23he would remember. Pang Kong left, and
21:28in his absence, the comments started to
21:32arrive. One, then another, then another
21:39. When he finally returned, the king no
21:43longer wanted to receive him. Three men
21:46had created a tiger. Now think about
21:50your relationship. You have an argument
21:53with your partner. You are hurt and you
21:57tell a friend, then your sister, then a
22:02coworker. Maybe you drop a phrase on
22:06social media without naming anyone, but
22:08everyone understands. And without
22:12realizing it, you have created a tiger.
22:16Because in a few days you reconcile,
22:19you talk with your partner, you hug,
22:23you understand everything better, but
22:26your friend, your sister, and your
22:29coworker were not at that
22:31reconciliation. They only heard the
22:36fight. You forgive, they don't. And
22:41from then on, every time your partner
22:44enters a family gathering, there are
22:47looks, there are silences, there is a
22:50tiger in the room that you put there.
22:54There is something else. When we tell a
22:57relationship problem, we almost never
22:59tell the whole thing. We tell our
23:03version, the part that proves us right.
23:07And whoever listens to us out of
23:10affection takes our side. That feels
23:14good in the moment, but it fixes
23:17nothing, it only makes the distance
23:19greater. He advises in chapter 63 to
23:25deal with the difficult while it is
23:28still easy and the big while it is
23:32still small. A small crack, if you
23:37leave it alone and take care of it, can
23:40close. If you expose it to all the
23:45winds, it grows. I am not telling you
23:49to suffer in silence. If there is
23:53something serious, if there is abuse,
23:55if you are afraid, always ask for help.
24:01That is not exposing your relationship,
24:03it is taking care of yourself. But in
24:07day-to-day disagreements, before
24:09telling it, ask yourself an honest
24:11question. Am I looking for light or am
24:14I looking for a jury? Looking for light
24:18is talking to someone calm who wants
24:21the best for both of you and who can
24:23help you see what you don't see.
24:27Looking for a jury is something else,
24:30and a jury only listens to one side and
24:33always passes judgment against those
24:36who are not in the room. The practice
24:40of this sixth teaching is to wait 24
24:43hours. When you have a conflict with
24:48your partner and feel the urgent need
24:51to tell it, wait a whole day, just one
24:54day. You will discover that often,
24:59after those 24 hours, there is no
25:01longer a need to tell it, because you
25:04will have already resolved it between
25:07the two of you, which is where things
25:11for two should be resolved. And we
25:13arrive at the seventh, the one I
25:16promised you at the beginning, the most
25:20difficult to see. The seventh thing you
25:25should never tell anyone is everything.
25:29The need to show every moment you live,
25:34every achievement, every joy. We live
25:39in a strange time. It seems that if we
25:42don't show something, it's as if it
25:45never happened. A trip, a meal, a
25:50grandchild's first steps, a birthday, a
25:54walk by the sea. Everything ends up
26:00turned into a photo, post, or story,
26:03and you don't even need social media to
26:05fall into that need. It also slips into
26:11the family group, into the Sunday call,
26:14into the constant impulse for someone
26:17to know that we are well and that our
26:19life deserves to be watched. And here
26:24comes the story I promised you, told by
26:27Zhuangzi, the great sage who continued
26:30the work of Laozi. One day, the King of
26:34W was sailing down the great river with
26:36his court. Upon reaching a mountain
26:39where many monkeys lived, he decided to
26:42go up to see them. When the monkeys saw
26:46the king and his archers arrive, they
26:48all fled. They hid among the bushes in
26:52the thickest part of the forest. All
26:55except one. That monkey stayed behind
27:01and started doing acrobatics. He jumped
27:06from branch to branch, hung by one hand
27:08, and spun in the air. He wanted the
27:13king to see how agile he was. The king,
27:17curious, shot an arrow at him. And the
27:20monkey, with incredible speed, caught
27:23it in mid-air. He kept showing off,
27:28even prouder than before. Then the king
27:33signaled his archers, and they all
27:36fired at once. The monkey could not
27:40dodge them all. The king turned to his
27:44closest friend, a man named Yan Bu, and
27:48said, "This monkey boasted of his skill
27:52, trusted his agility to show off
27:55before me, and look where he ended up.
28:00Let this serve as a warning to you.
28:02Never use your gifts to show off before
28:05others." Yan Bu returned home in
28:09silence. He sought out a teacher. For 3
28:13years, he dedicated himself to
28:16stripping away his pride, the desire to
28:19shine, and the need to be seen. And it
28:24is said that after those 3 years, the
28:27whole kingdom spoke well of him. Notice
28:31the paradox. While he wanted to be seen
28:35, no one valued him. When he stopped
28:40needing it, everyone saw him. Laozi
28:45wrote it in chapter 22. He does not
28:50show off, that is why he shines; he
28:53does not boast, that is why he has
28:56merit. And in chapter 56, he wrote a
29:01phrase that has been repeated for
29:03centuries: "He who knows does not speak
29:07; he who speaks does not know," and
29:09right after, he adds something precious
29:13. Soften your glare. Join the dust of
29:19the road. It doesn't mean dimming
29:22yourself; it means stopping the
29:24blinding of others so they will look at
29:26you. Because when you need to show
29:29every moment of your life, something
29:32changes inside without you realizing it
29:34. You start living things just to tell
29:38others about them. You are at the beach
29:42, but thinking about the photo. You are
29:45with your grandson, but thinking about
29:48who will see it. And the moment, the
29:52real one, slips through your fingers.
29:57Besides, everything you show opens the
30:00door to the gaze of others, to their
30:03envy, to their comparison, to their
30:06judgment. And you never know what
30:10enters through that door when you leave
30:12it wide open. There are joys that weigh
30:15more when they have no witnesses. A
30:18sunset that only you see. A
30:22conversation that only exists between
30:24two people. A laugh that no one
30:28recorded. The practice of this seventh
30:32teaching is to save one moment a day,
30:35just one. Something beautiful that
30:40happens to you today that you will not
30:43photograph, publish, or tell. You live
30:47it, you feel it, and you keep it. At
30:52first, it will be hard for you. You
30:56will feel like it’s being wasted, but
30:58over time you will discover that those
31:01saved moments are the ones you remember
31:04most, because you lived them fully. And
31:08now, before finishing, I want to teach
31:11you an exercise. It’s called The
31:15Gatekeeper. It is very short, one
31:18minute, and you can do it at any time
31:21of the day. If you can, do it with me
31:25now. Close your lips gently. Rest your
31:31tongue on the roof of your mouth like
31:33at the beginning and breathe slowly
31:35through your nose. Now imagine that in
31:42your mouth there is a door, a simple,
31:45old wooden door, and in front of that
31:48door there is a guardian. A calm old
31:53man who is in no hurry at all. That
31:57guardian does not let anything out
31:59without first asking three questions.
32:02The first question is, whose is this?
32:07If it belongs to someone else, the door
32:09does not open. The second question is,
32:14is it the right time? If it is still a
32:18seed, if it is still an open wound. If
32:22you are still hot-headed, the door
32:26waits. And the third question is, will
32:30this person take care of it? If it is
32:33someone who supports, the door opens.
32:37If it is someone who fuels the fire,
32:39the door stays closed. Breathe again.
32:44Feel the guardian there, calm,
32:48attentive. He is not a jailer, he is
32:52someone who protects you. And the next
32:57time you feel an urgent desire to tell
32:59something, make this gesture. Lips
33:03closed, tongue on the palate, one
33:06breath through the nose and let the
33:09guardian ask his three questions.
33:14Almost always, that single breath is
33:16enough to know what to do. Seven things
33:22you should never tell anyone. One, your
33:27dreams before they have roots. Talk
33:31about your fruits, not your flowers.
33:36Two, your money. What is not exposed is
33:40not compared. Three. The good you do,
33:46let it stay between you and life. Four.
33:51Your deepest wounds to those who
33:53don’t know how to hold them. Five.
33:57What others entrusted to you. Spilled
34:00water does not return to the pitcher.
34:04Six. Your relationship problems. Three
34:09voices are enough, tiger. Seven. The
34:15need to show everything is not
34:16displayed, that is why it shines. And
34:21behind the seven, a single teaching,
34:24which Laozi left written 25 centuries
34:27ago. Close your mouth, close the doors,
34:31and in all your life you will not wear
34:34yourself out. I propose something to
34:38you for the next 7 days. Do not try to
34:41apply all seven at once. Choose only
34:45one, the one that touched you most
34:47today. You already know which one it is
34:50. And every time you notice that the
34:53door opens unintentionally, call the
34:55guardian. If you feel that today is the
34:58day you begin to conserve your energy,
35:01write these words in the comments. I
35:04close the door, and tell me from which
35:07city or country you are joining me. And
35:11if this video has given you a bit of
35:13peace, leave me a like. It is a small
35:17gesture, but it helps these teachings
35:20reach whoever needs them today. Come
35:24back with me for a moment to the
35:27beginning, to that project that lost
35:31strength, to that wound that grew
35:34larger, to that gaze that changed.
35:40Perhaps you were not missing anything,
35:43perhaps you just had the door open.

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