6 habits I did to stop wasting my evenings after work — Transcript

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1. 0:00I read something the other day that kind
2. 0:01of stopped me in my tracks. From the
3. 0:03time you turn 18, you have about 25,000
4. 0:07mornings left. But then it kind [music]
5. 0:09of hit me. If you only get 25,000
6. 0:11mornings, that means you only get 25,000
7. 0:14evenings, too. I'm 39, which means I've
8. 0:17already used about half of mine. And
9. 0:19[music] if I'm really honest, a lot of
10. 0:21those evenings tended to look the same.
11. 0:23Finish work, pick up my phone, go to bed
12. 0:26feeling like I wasted my evening, and
13. 0:28rinse and repeat. Every day felt like
14. 0:30the movie Groundhog Day, and I just felt
15. 0:32like I wasn't really living. So, if you
16. 0:34feel like you've been spending your
17. 0:35evenings on autopilot after work, or
18. 0:37you're just not doing the things that
19. 0:38you actually want to be doing, [music]
20. 0:40then let me take you through the routine
21. 0:42that helped me finally stop wasting my
22. 0:44evenings after work. Starting with the
23. 0:46first thing, and that is to actually
24. 0:48sign off.
25. 0:49I work from home a lot of the time,
26. 0:51which means there are zero boundaries.
27. 0:52And one thing that I really wanted to
28. 0:54work on when I did start working for
29. 0:56myself was to really start to protect my
30. 1:00evenings. But if you're an entrepreneur,
31. 1:01you work for yourself, or you work on
32. 1:03salary where you don't really have any
33. 1:05specific hours, you're always just kind
34. 1:07of like on call or available on email,
35. 1:10then I think you know exactly what I'm
36. 1:11talking about here. So, I've been trying
37. 1:13this method that I learned from Cal
38. 1:14Newport, where you have an actual
39. 1:16shutdown routine. And it's really easy,
40. 1:18so let me walk you through it.
41. 1:20Basically, when your day is done, you
42. 1:21should do a couple of things. Set
43. 1:23yourself up for success for tomorrow,
44. 1:25and say out loud, "Shutting down."
45. 1:29But [laughter] I really like that
46. 1:29because it sets a clear end [music]
47. 1:31phase. And basically, what it's meant to
48. 1:33do is eliminate any sort of stressful
49. 1:35work-related thoughts that could be
50. 1:36lingering
51. 1:37>> [music]
52. 1:37>> into your evening and relaxation time.
53. 1:40But it doesn't leave you hanging because
54. 1:42you have taken the time to either write
55. 1:44out your to-do list or time block your
56. 1:46day, so you know exactly what you're
57. 1:48going to be doing when work starts again
58. 1:49tomorrow.
59. 1:50>> [music]
60. 1:50>> So, I'm just going to time block my day
61. 1:53for tomorrow. So, tomorrow's Saturday,
62. 1:55it's kind of more of a chill day, but I
63. 1:57do have a bit of things going on, so I
64. 1:59am just going to get up early and go to
65. 2:01the gym. Then I am driving home to see
66. 2:03my parents for the weekend, so I've got
67. 2:06that in. And then I just put this as
68. 2:07optional if I have some down time
69. 2:09tomorrow. Um I might edit a little bit
70. 2:13of this vlog that you're watching right
71. 2:14now, so a little bit meta. But the
72. 2:16bigger thing that I had to sort of
73. 2:17figure out was what I'm doing on Monday
74. 2:20when I get back from the weekend. It's
75. 2:22basically a whole day of editing. I've
76. 2:24added in a few breaks, some meal times.
77. 2:27I do have a run scheduled for Monday
78. 2:29that I do not want to miss. That's a
79. 2:31non-negotiable. The time that it happens
80. 2:33might not be quite as exact. I just know
81. 2:36exactly what I'm doing so I can jump
82. 2:38right in. Shutting down.
83. 2:43But before I do anything else, I am
84. 2:45going to do the second step of my
85. 2:46evening routine, and that is creating a
86. 2:49tweener moment. As in an in-betweener
87. 2:52moment that creates a clear transition
88. 2:54between work ending and your evening
89. 2:56starting. So let's do it right now.
90. 3:01>> As you breathe in,
91. 3:02noticing how the body
92. 3:04>> It takes your brain about 23 minutes to
93. 3:06fully switch from one task to another.
94. 3:08And I know the biggest temptation after
95. 3:10work is going to be to switch from your
96. 3:12bigger screen to your smaller one. But
97. 3:14if you do that, you're just setting
98. 3:15yourself up for an evening of over
99. 3:17stimulation and drained energy. So
100. 3:19creating some kind of low stimulation
101. 3:21tweener moment will just give your brain
102. 3:23some time to clear all the leftover
103. 3:25clutter from the work day. I haven't
104. 3:26left the house all day since I went to
105. 3:28the gym this morning, so I'm going to go
106. 3:30on a walk. I'm going to the store. What
107. 3:32kind of cookies do you want?
108. 3:33>> The round ones. The round cookie ones.
109. 3:36>> With the chocolate in it and the chips?
110. 3:38>> Yeah, I think they have those in there.
111. 3:39>> Okay. Cool. I will get those. And if you
112. 3:42don't work from home, this moment can
113. 3:43already be built into your daily
114. 3:45routine. It could be your bike ride or
115. 3:47drive home from work where you can do it
116. 3:49in silence or listen to music. [music]
117. 3:50It can be changing straight into your
118. 3:52gym clothes to tell your brain that it's
119. 3:53time to get your evening workout in, or
120. 3:55it could just be tidying up your dishes
121. 3:57from lunch so that you don't have to
122. 3:58worry about it later. The specific
123. 4:00activity matters less than giving
124. 4:02yourself a moment to change states. This
125. 4:04is actually a perfect moment to thank
126. 4:06the sponsor of today's video, Headspace.
127. 4:08This is actually a really cool
128. 4:09partnership for me because I actually
129. 4:10got introduced to it around 10 years ago
130. 4:12when Jeff started using Headspace.
131. 4:14>> Was it 10 years ago?
132. 4:15>> Yeah. And I've always really loved that
133. 4:17delightful British man's voice.
134. 4:18>> It's not an old
135. 4:19>> I didn't say old.
136. 4:20>> I said it's an old British man's voice.
137. 4:22>> His name is Andy. Did you know that?
138. 4:24>> Yes. It's not an old [laughter] British
139. 4:25man's
140. 4:27>> Let's do one.
141. 4:27>> Let's do one. Do one?
142. 4:28>> Yeah, let's do an Andy.
143. 4:30>> Do an Andy.
144. 4:31>> So take a moment to sit comfortably.
145. 4:34>> Sit comfortably.
146. 4:35>> And when you're ready,
147. 4:36>> No, not that comfortably.
148. 4:38>> begin three nice big deep breaths,
149. 4:40breathing in through the nose
150. 4:41>> Meditation is something I always know I
151. 4:42should be doing, but I often have a
152. 4:44really hard time sticking to it
153. 4:45consistently. But when I do it, I'm
154. 4:47always reminded of just how much it can
155. 4:48really help. Using Headspace for just 5
156. 4:51minutes a day has been reported to
157. 4:52reduce stress in just 7 days, improve
158. 4:55sleep quality. But Headspace has made it
159. 4:57really easy to just pop in and do even
160. 4:59just 3 minutes to calm down and check
161. 5:01in. How was that?
162. 5:03>> That's actually a good little reminder.
163. 5:04I had a meditation practice for many
164. 5:07many years, and just that couple of
165. 5:08minutes was like a a reminder of that
166. 5:11feels
167. 5:11>> [music]
168. 5:11>> good and that I should do it again.
169. 5:13>> Yeah, I've never been consistent with
170. 5:15it, but I feel so much better after even
171. 5:17just
172. 5:17>> Yeah, I know. It's very true. I mean,
173. 5:19just a couple of breaths and and you can
174. 5:21feel
175. 5:22>> Yeah.
176. 5:22>> feel the difference. You don't need a
177. 5:23lot of time.
178. 5:24>> Same time tomorrow?
179. 5:26>> No. I like it in the morning.
180. 5:28>> [laughter]
181. 5:29>> So if you ever wanted to give meditation
182. 5:30a try or just doing something to take a
183. 5:33little moment for yourself, you can try
184. 5:34Headspace for the next 60 days
185. 5:36completely for free if you just use the
186. 5:37link down below in the description or
187. 5:39you can scan the QR code right here.
188. 5:41That is two full months of free access.
189. 5:43Two months, that's so good. Thanks,
190. 5:45Headspace. Okay, hold on.
191. 5:48Oatmeal
192. 5:50chocolate chip cookies. Saving these for
193. 5:52after dinner. So, even if you don't even
194. 5:53have plans in your evening, like maybe
195. 5:55your plans are literally to just stay at
196. 5:57home and get cozy. You don't always need
197. 6:00to be going to concerts, going to the
198. 6:01gym, going out to dinners, doing
199. 6:03anything fancy to feel like you haven't
200. 6:05wasted your evenings. But, I think
201. 6:07having these deliberate tweener moments
202. 6:09really helps to create a transition from
203. 6:11work time to you time. Cuz what I'm not
204. 6:14trying to immediately do is sit down and
205. 6:16start scrolling. Which kind of brings me
206. 6:17into the next thing that I want to talk
207. 6:19about, and that is to make a plan.
208. 6:22Because not every evening needs to be
209. 6:23productive, but you do want to have some
210. 6:26kind of an idea of what you plan to do
211. 6:28after work. Some nights I have runs
212. 6:30planned and I'm going to be active.
213. 6:31Other nights, on rare occasions, we have
214. 6:34dinner plans with friends.
215. 6:36Try to make that happen more often. And
216. 6:37other nights, I genuinely need just like
217. 6:39a calm and chill night at home.
218. 6:42But, if you don't make that decision
219. 6:43ahead of time, then someone else is
220. 6:45going to make that decision for you, or
221. 6:47it's going to be your algorithm.
222. 6:49The whole point of this, regardless of
223. 6:50what your plans are for the evening, is
224. 6:52to just do anything but scrolling.
225. 6:55Because that is always the number one
226. 6:56thing that I want to be doing, but if I
227. 6:58do that, I just end up down some rabbit
228. 7:01hole where I've actually wasted my life
229. 7:02watching other people live theirs.
230. 7:04Scrolling can be a form of winding down,
231. 7:08especially after a tense work day, but
232. 7:10you don't want to be doing that the
233. 7:11entire night. But, knowing what you want
234. 7:13to do with your evening is not the same
235. 7:15as actually doing it.
236. 7:17Doing the thing you said you were going
237. 7:18to do when you said you were going to do
238. 7:20it is probably the biggest battle,
239. 7:22especially after a long and exhausting
240. 7:24day after [music] work, where all you
241. 7:25want to do is a whole lot of nothing.
242. 7:28But, I found there was one simple trick
243. 7:30that was so critical to get me to stop
244. 7:32wasting my evenings after work. And that
245. 7:34is just don't sit down. My roommate in
246. 7:37pharmacy actually used to say it best.
247. 7:38He always said, "The hardest lift is
248. 7:40your butt off the couch." And once I'm
249. 7:42there, yeah, my willpower totally melts
250. 7:44right into the cushion and I'm a goner
251. 7:46for the night. So, we're not doing that
252. 7:48anymore. And I need to get ready to go
253. 7:50out
254. 7:51to go to dinner with my friends because
255. 7:54I am working on not wasting my evenings,
256. 7:57especially in the summer. I feel like
257. 7:59it's really easy to let life pass you by
258. 8:02if you just give in to how tired you
259. 8:04feel after work, especially on a
260. 8:06particularly draining day. And I think
261. 8:08once you get into a cycle of coming
262. 8:10home, feeling exhausted, and then just
263. 8:13giving in to the little dopamine hits
264. 8:15and scrolling, not seeing your friends,
265. 8:17not socializing,
266. 8:19it actually makes
267. 8:21socializing later and not wasting your
268. 8:23evenings a little bit harder to do. But,
269. 8:27I'm going to go have a nice dinner with
270. 8:29my friends and I'm going to dress up,
271. 8:32have a nice meal,
272. 8:33and it's going to be good. You know,
273. 8:35maybe you
274. 8:37don't want to do things that cost a lot
275. 8:39of money. Like, going to dinner isn't
276. 8:40cheap, you know? So, like, maybe you can
277. 8:42go on a walk with your friend or do an
278. 8:44exercise class. I was literally talking
279. 8:46to my colleague today. She was saying
280. 8:48her plans tonight were literally to
281. 8:50go out and get a little coffee with her
282. 8:52friend and just walk around the city for
283. 8:55hours.
284. 8:56And she was saying that they had never
285. 8:58once gone to dinner together.
286. 9:01They just hang out and go on walks. And
287. 9:03that's enough. That's enough to fill
288. 9:05your cup and to
289. 9:06not waste your evening away. You can
290. 9:08pull the millennial cat eye wings out of
291. 9:10my cold dead hands. I will not
292. 9:13stop doing them.
293. 9:15>> And yet, at the same time, it sets up a
294. 9:16framework in which the mind can let go
295. 9:20and unwind. So, we move.
296. 9:22>> Let's get dressed. If you dive into the
297. 9:24thing you genuinely want to be doing
298. 9:26immediately before sitting down, it will
299. 9:28be a lot easier to get over the
300. 9:29temptation to get into relaxed mode
301. 9:31first.
302. 9:32>> Yes.
303. 9:33>> Okay, let's go.
304. 9:35Okay, that was such a gorgeous night. I
305. 9:36didn't film in the restaurant, but my
306. 9:39cup
307. 9:40is full. And guess what? It's only 8:00.
308. 9:42Sun's still out. Feeling good. Like,
309. 9:45what would my night have been tonight if
310. 9:47I just decided to stay home and watch
311. 9:48TV? It would have been like every other
312. 9:50night
313. 9:51that I spend doing that. This is a
314. 9:53memory. It's something to talk about
315. 9:55next time I see my friends. It's worth
316. 9:57it.
317. 9:58Always worth it. It's like going to the
318. 10:00gym. You never want to go at the
319. 10:01beginning or you want to back out or you
320. 10:03want to stay in your comfort zone.
321. 10:06Then once you go,
322. 10:08you're always glad that you did.
323. 10:10So, here's the thing about a really good
324. 10:11and realistic evening routine. You are
325. 10:14still going to want to rot, and I think
326. 10:16all of us will. But, I think it's
327. 10:17important to make sure that you connect
328. 10:19first because I notice that when you're
329. 10:21tired, it's really easy to spend the
330. 10:22entire evening beside someone that you
331. 10:25love without actually spending any time
332. 10:27with them at all. Ooh, just a little
333. 10:29spill.
334. 10:30So, Jeff and I have been making a
335. 10:32deliberate effort to spend some time
336. 10:33together before we decide to go our
337. 10:35separate ways in the evening on separate
338. 10:38screens.
339. 10:39Connection doesn't have to mean doing
340. 10:40anything elaborate, either.
341. 10:42It could just be eating with your
342. 10:43partner while watching your favorite
343. 10:44show together. Or things like going for
344. 10:46a walk, playing with your kids, or doing
345. 10:48an ordinary task like cleaning together
346. 10:50while you chat about your day. And
347. 10:52having that communication and routine
348. 10:54set up front has really actually helped
349. 10:56us feel more like partners and not
350. 10:57roommates. All without feeling guilty
351. 10:59about wanting to have our own downtime
352. 11:01or be by ourselves.
353. 11:03Because if you're both away at work for
354. 11:05the day, then your evenings are often
355. 11:06all the time you have together. So, it's
356. 11:08definitely a balancing act.
357. 11:13Have a closing shift. One of the biggest
358. 11:15lessons I had to learn is that if you
359. 11:17don't have a good evening routine, then
360. 11:19you're not going to have a good morning
361. 11:20routine, either.
362. 11:22Which is exactly why I started
363. 11:23implementing a closing shift.
364. 11:26Basically, this is just a series of
365. 11:28small habits that you can do every
366. 11:29single night to set yourself up for a
367. 11:31good sleep and an even better morning.
368. 11:34I like to think of this routine as
369. 11:35taking care of your future self. So,
370. 11:37doing things like tidying up the kitchen
371. 11:39and running the dishwasher before bed,
372. 11:41so you don't have to wake up to a
373. 11:42stressful mess in the morning, or
374. 11:44picking out your gym outfit the night
375. 11:45before, so you don't have to figure out
376. 11:46what to wear at 6:00 a.m.
377. 11:48>> [music]
378. 11:48>> If you look like a highlighter if you
379. 11:49run, you go faster.
380. 11:51>> I like to shower at night to prime my
381. 11:52body for sleep, and I really like to
382. 11:54take my time with my skin care routine
383. 11:56instead of rushing through it, or let's
384. 11:59be real, not doing it at all. If I don't
385. 12:01do any of this, I'm usually kind of a
386. 12:03disaster in the morning, and it
387. 12:04basically sabotages any hope of
388. 12:06productivity I have for the next day.
389. 12:08And that is when you really risk wasting
390. 12:10your evenings, because now you're legit
391. 12:12too tired to do anything. So, a good
392. 12:14closing shift will really stop that
393. 12:15negative habit loop.
394. 12:17I'm trying to read this book, and
395. 12:20I think I just need a story. I don't
396. 12:22know if I actually want to learn
397. 12:23anything before bed, so I need some
398. 12:26recommendations down below.
399. 12:28Good night.