50 Funniest Answers & Moments With Steve Harvey On FAMILY FEUD — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00name something that makes a guy look
2. 0:03sleazy a mustache a m a
3. 0:11mustache a
4. 0:12[Music]
5. 0:14mustache tell me country where you think
6. 0:16the men are sexier than American men
7. 0:18United States of
8. 0:23America
9. 0:25America
10. 0:26what United States of America
11. 0:32[Music]
12. 0:34get him car get him distract them
13. 0:37distract come on there he
14. 0:40[Applause]
15. 0:42is what you doing is that your
16. 0:47wife Michelle what do you do I am we
17. 0:51have a company called drop Shades and we
18. 0:53have six boys I lived in a house full of
19. 0:56balls balls balls balls basketballs
20. 0:58footballs baseball just balls everywhere
21. 1:02I look can't get away from them
22. 1:05balls if you went to hell who you expect
23. 1:08see in the welcoming committee my
24. 1:12children I just the X give me the a I
25. 1:15just want to remind you that they're
26. 1:17right
27. 1:23there oh and now y'all High F tell me
28. 1:27the worst thing to have a dead battery
29. 1:29when you to use just be honest a sex toy
30. 1:33yes good sorry yes Mommy they used to
31. 1:38call them massagers I didn't ask for
32. 1:40explanation or nothing the
33. 1:42rabbit yes yes give me a word starting
34. 1:46with the letter P somebody might do to
35. 1:47your bottom say penetrate
36. 1:53huh baby I what did you say penetrate oh
37. 1:57my
38. 1:58God
39. 2:00if America had to sell a state to pay
40. 2:03some bills which one would sell for the
41. 2:05highest price Las Vegas
42. 2:11gooda uh you do realize at this point
43. 2:13what is happened yes Las Vegas is a city
44. 2:16it's all right it's all right tell me
45. 2:18something that makes your husband cry
46. 2:20when your mother-in-law is coming
47. 2:25over baby baby my mom's coming over what
48. 2:30he coming over
49. 2:31this in my next lifetime I want to be
50. 2:35Steve Harvey's
51. 2:37what
52. 2:39[Applause]
53. 2:48wife that ain't going to happen in no
54. 2:50damn
55. 2:54life so you married I am not not yet not
56. 2:57yet what's wrong well I'm just waiting
57. 2:59on him to to pop the question you think
58. 3:01so oh I know
59. 3:02so let me show you something come I'm
60. 3:05going to show you something come out
61. 3:06here now I want you to see something I
62. 3:07don't you pay attention to me and I'm
63. 3:09going to let you see something that you
64. 3:10don't know since you think you know
65. 3:18everything
66. 3:22surprise I'm here today on National
67. 3:24Television of all these
68. 3:26people asking you if you would do me the
69. 3:29honor of lightening up my
70. 3:42[Applause]
71. 3:48life name something you might hurt
72. 3:50yourself riding on oh Lord you know what
73. 3:54I'm thinking H you know what I'm
74. 3:56thinking a
75. 3:58penis
76. 4:00shut up nasty ass
77. 4:03audience well let's go meet him
78. 4:05everybody it's the dowy
79. 4:09family hold on one second
80. 4:16okay
81. 4:23brother boy
82. 4:28good
83. 4:31man
84. 4:32word what's up the
85. 4:35[Applause]
86. 4:39deal I've been friends with that dude
87. 4:41for 61
88. 4:43years
89. 4:46surprised grew up next door to me should
90. 4:49have told me you was coming man feel
91. 4:51like crying seeing your punk
92. 4:57ass right if you woke up during surgery
93. 5:01okay what would you hate to see the
94. 5:03surgeon holding those things that spin
95. 5:07you know the things that people Ed to
96. 5:08cut up people but it spins you know what
97. 5:10I'm talking about no I have no idea
98. 5:15[Applause]
99. 5:18[Music]
100. 5:25okay 25 seconds on the clock please we
101. 5:28ask 100 men how often do you call your
102. 5:33mother once a
103. 5:35month that's not me well who the hell
104. 5:38you think we talking about the the the
105. 5:40100 men I ass said 100 men and your ass
106. 5:43is a man and you sitting up here calling
107. 5:46your mama once a call your mama some
108. 5:49[Applause]
109. 5:52more that's 11 people going to hell
110. 5:55Easter Sunday in Peters August 5th
111. 5:58PG-13 this Mary what do you do well I
112. 6:01have the hardest job as a supervisor I
113. 6:03work at the Department of Motor Vehicles
114. 6:06don't give me
115. 6:07that it ain't the hardest job nasty
116. 6:11y'all the nastiest people what is the
117. 6:14number one job requirement when you
118. 6:17apply to work at the DMV you must hate
119. 6:21mankind no no no name something you'll
120. 6:25let your husband get away with doing but
121. 6:27just once
122. 6:35cheating stop nod in your head stay
123. 6:39still cuz you got to go back over there
124. 6:41right after
125. 6:43this they call the serial killer The
126. 6:46Gardener because he killed his victims
127. 6:49with
128. 6:50what a hoe a
129. 6:54hoe killer with a
130. 6:58hoe name something that gets past
131. 7:02around God Chris a joint a
132. 7:12joint now Chris I don't know what 100
133. 7:15people you thought we were talking to at
134. 7:18some nice little mall across good old
135. 7:20America but I'm pretty sure the people
136. 7:22didn't tell the survey people hey an
137. 7:24illegal
138. 7:28drug
139. 7:30[Applause]
140. 7:32[Music]
141. 7:34if you were fixing a girl up on a blind
142. 7:37date with Dracula name something
143. 7:39positive you might say about
144. 7:41him Cindy he loves
145. 7:45women Sean he's a good
146. 7:51sucker I'm sorry I don't know where they
147. 7:54came can't say
148. 7:57that a man might actually like his
149. 8:00mother-in-law if she had
150. 8:02what R big
151. 8:07breast my mother-in-law going to kill me
152. 8:09your mother-in-law going to kill you my
153. 8:11wife your
154. 8:13[Music]
155. 8:15wife name something people
156. 8:18squeeze chess chess T
157. 8:24titties that ain't what she said I have
158. 8:26a chest that ain't what she said named
159. 8:29something you would buy if you thought
160. 8:31your neighbor was a vampire a new house
161. 8:35Steve I want you to understand where
162. 8:37this answer is coming from our neighbor
163. 8:40vampire black people move we ain't
164. 8:42staying here we ain't working it out we
165. 8:44ain't going to be calling on 911 back it
166. 8:47up you'd rather do what than have
167. 8:51sex
168. 8:53[Applause]
169. 8:57shop I forgot to say anything yeah oh no
170. 9:01yeah you when I point at you you
171. 9:02supposed to smile yeah you supposed to
172. 9:04say something smile a I had no idea what
173. 9:06was going on either Here We Go Lacy name
174. 9:09of fruit that a man thinks is sexy when
175. 9:11a woman eats it
176. 9:13melon I can make it look something I
177. 9:16don't know if it's up there I don't even
178. 9:17care I'm having melon for lunch Name an
179. 9:21athlete who has so many trophies he'd
180. 9:22make a good trophy husband uh
181. 9:26um yeah you got this
182. 9:29I'm Kare Abdul
183. 9:32[Applause]
184. 9:36jab Kare Abdul Jabar let's see if it's
185. 9:39up there name something a wife might let
186. 9:43her husband do Sunday afternoon if he
187. 9:45goes to church with her Sunday
188. 9:47morning smash huh
189. 9:51[Applause]
190. 9:53Smash If you go to church with your wife
191. 9:57Sunday morning when y'all get get home
192. 9:59she going to let you
193. 10:01[Applause]
194. 10:02smash if that was true you know how
195. 10:05crowded Church would be name a traffic
196. 10:07sign a woman might say when a jerk at a
197. 10:11bar says what's your sign
198. 10:14uh C
199. 10:17railroad railroad railro it's a railroad
200. 10:20railroad it's a
201. 10:22railroad a a lady said that to me one
202. 10:25time I was like what's your what's your
203. 10:27name and she's like train is
204. 10:31crossing and
205. 10:33uh and then she and she walk the other
206. 10:37way I swear Steve I swear if they would
207. 10:41have asked me in this survey it it would
208. 10:44be one point it would be number
209. 10:49six Easter Sunday in Peters August 5th
210. 10:53PG-13 name something of his that a
211. 10:56person might pee on for Revenge you know
212. 10:59what Steve uhhuh Go Tell it I'm going to
213. 11:02pee all
214. 11:04over
215. 11:12him name something of his that a person
216. 11:16might pee on for Revenge you know what
217. 11:18Steve uhhuh go on tell it I'm going to
218. 11:21pee all
219. 11:24over
220. 11:27him
221. 11:32we ask 100 men name a part of your body
222. 11:35that's bigger than it was when you were
223. 11:3716 your
224. 11:49[Applause]
225. 11:57penis
226. 12:00[Applause]
227. 12:04not so good what do you think would be
228. 12:06the first word or words spoken by Donald
229. 12:10Trump's little
230. 12:11son a May me the one I'm sorry give me
231. 12:14the
232. 12:15[Applause]
233. 12:20money first time on TV yes
234. 12:24sir we asked 100 men name something that
235. 12:27gets you more excited than being with
236. 12:29the
237. 12:30woman
238. 12:33sex maybe it's with a man that's a good
239. 12:38answer it's okay Wendy that was a good
240. 12:40try thank you those is the nicest
241. 12:45people if Santa Claus was sick on
242. 12:47Christmas Eve who might he ask to
243. 12:49deliver the presents okay I'm thinking
244. 12:51outside the box he already knows the
245. 12:53route Easter Bunny yeah that's
246. 12:56right he's going there anyway he knows
247. 12:59the round he knows all where all the
248. 13:01kids are good answer that is good answer
249. 13:04she teaches Zumba outside the box but
250. 13:07it's hard for me to see the tie in
251. 13:09between the bunny and
252. 13:12[Music]
253. 13:14[Applause]
254. 13:20Christmas of
255. 13:22bunny name of reason you'd like to see
256. 13:25Steve Harvey perform at chipping D's
257. 13:29[Music]
258. 13:31oh then a slow ass response your
259. 13:38package
260. 13:40yeah I don't care if it ain't up there
261. 13:43good
262. 13:47answer if I weren't married I'd be blank
263. 13:52stripping ladies and gentlemen Big Daddy
264. 13:57rich
265. 13:58[Applause]
266. 14:00name something you think Steve Harvey
267. 14:01spends a lot of money on wife Steve yes
268. 14:05yes that should be the number one
269. 14:10answer oh no not
270. 14:12women Marjorie name something you can't
271. 14:15wait to get out of at the end of your
272. 14:16day
273. 14:20marriage is there a lawyer in the house
274. 14:22now his whole ass is in trouble all of
275. 14:24it not half his butt is in a
276. 14:27crockpot simmer it cuz it's going to
277. 14:29simmer till they get
278. 14:32home name something that a person with
279. 14:34long legs might not be able to fit into
280. 14:38long
281. 14:39pants good
282. 14:44[Applause]
283. 14:48answer Steve do you want to shut up name
284. 14:52something your wife might be better at
285. 14:54if she took lessons sex how long oh God
286. 14:58I don't know what you was thinking I'm
287. 15:01trying to win $20,000 yeah you think
288. 15:04this the best way to win this
289. 15:06$20,000 this the dumbest thing you could
290. 15:09have said all right let's turn around
291. 15:11can I rub your head for good luck can
292. 15:12you rub my head for good luck I I don't
293. 15:15please ma'am
294. 15:17okay okay my mother asked me to oh go
295. 15:21ahead on the back on the
296. 15:24back
297. 15:26okay thank you you know your your
298. 15:29fingers kind of went down my neck a
299. 15:31little bit you like that yeah I like
300. 15:34that my wife going to shoot
301. 15:38you it's Steve Harvey's birthday what
302. 15:41did his wife give
303. 15:43him a car
304. 15:46yes
305. 15:48yay a big hat a big hat go sit your ass
306. 15:53over there somewhere that's not nice a
307. 15:55big hat probably true though watch this
308. 16:04in your nightmares you're naked in bed
309. 16:06with a woman who looks just like your
310. 16:09who sh father
311. 16:13father I don't want to be B with my
312. 16:15father still I'm sorry that's a bad
313. 16:17dream there do your woman look like your
314. 16:22daddy what do you think Steve Harvey's
315. 16:24wife would say is the best thing about
316. 16:26it I know this is a PG show
317. 16:32uh-oh but I'm going to say you probably
318. 16:34lay that thing down
319. 16:41in see if it's up there it ain't up
320. 16:44there but I know it's true though it a
321. 16:46got be up there on that
322. 16:50board name something a burglar would not
323. 16:53want to see when he breaks into a house
324. 16:56Rob necked Grandma neck huh
325. 17:00I don't want to see that
326. 17:04either
327. 17:05Grand name something you've never had
328. 17:08but you know you want it
329. 17:13Jimmy you didn't hear it but I did say
330. 17:15it in the mic Jimmy uh two
331. 17:20women what not me he said at the
332. 17:23beginning he said
333. 17:27manah
334. 17:28[Music]
335. 17:31name a reason a man thinks his wife
336. 17:34looks as young as she did the day he
337. 17:36married it
338. 17:39alcohol that's the best
339. 17:42answer I've ever heard what's the first
340. 17:46thing you do when you realize your wife
341. 17:48is mad at you
342. 17:52lie I'm not married so I mean I I don't
343. 17:55know I'm not
344. 17:56married well let me tell you something
345. 17:58you don't know how real that answer
346. 18:01is what do you think you would do the
347. 18:03first day of being
348. 18:06divorced
349. 18:09[Applause]
350. 18:16three you sing opera I do I sing
351. 18:19professionally for a little bit let's
352. 18:20hear
353. 18:23something was a
354. 18:24[Music]
355. 18:26reell of
356. 18:29[Music]
357. 18:42[Music]
358. 18:49refusing girl I was in that that's
359. 18:52pretty good thank
360. 18:55[Music]
361. 18:57you