5 ways to connect with people — Transcript

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1. 0:07Exploring how to use your voice and body on stage
2. 0:10will help you tackle the most important piece of giving a powerful talk:
3. 0:15connecting with your audience.
4. 0:17People aren't computers.
5. 0:19They're social creatures with all kinds of unique traits.
6. 0:23Your first job as a speaker is to build a trusting human bond with your audience.
7. 0:30There are many ways to do that.
8. 0:31Here are five suggestions:
9. 0:341. Make eye contact.
10. 0:36Make eye contact with members of your audience right from the start of your talk
11. 0:40and continue making eye contact throughout.
12. 0:44Humans learn a lot about one another through eye contact.
13. 0:48Our brains can detect the tiniest muscle movements in someone else's eyes.
14. 0:52We use that information to figure out all sorts of things—
15. 0:56like how that person is feeling and whether or not we can trust them.
16. 1:01And while we’re doing that, they’re figuring out the same things about us.
17. 1:05Scientists have even shown that when two people stare at one another,
18. 1:10their brains start to adopt the same emotional state.
19. 1:14So when we make eye contact, our minds link up.
20. 1:202. Show vulnerability.
21. 1:22One of the best ways to put an audience at ease
22. 1:25is to reveal your own vulnerability.
23. 1:28It’s like a tough cowboy walking into a saloon
24. 1:31and opening his coat to show he's not carrying any weapons.
25. 1:35Everyone relaxes.
26. 1:37Take this example from Ethan Lisi,
27. 1:39who spoke at a TED-Ed Student Talks event in 2020.
28. 1:44“Another common stereotype that is often associated with autism
29. 1:49is that autistic people lack empathy.
30. 1:53And again, this is not true.
31. 1:56I actually have lots of empathy.
32. 1:58I’m just not really good at showing it.
33. 2:01Whenever a friend is trying to tell me
34. 2:04some of the struggles that they’re going through,
35. 2:06I often don’t know how to express my reply.
36. 2:10And that is why I don't show as much empathy as my non-autistic friends do.
37. 2:18Emotional expression, however much or however little, is difficult for me.
38. 2:24And that is because I am bursting inside
39. 2:27with every single emotion one feels at all times.
40. 2:32Though, of course, I cannot express it that way.
41. 2:35Otherwise, let’s say happiness, for example,
42. 2:39would come out as a huge burst of gleeful wheezing, hand flapping,
43. 2:44and loud vocal ‘woohoo!’
44. 2:49Whereas you may just smile.”
45. 2:52Ethan's willingness to open up about something vulnerable
46. 2:55helps the audience open up as well;
47. 2:58allowing them to see him, and perhaps the world, from a new perspective.
48. 3:02We feel connected.
49. 3:04We're ready and eager to learn more.
50. 3:07Sharing something vulnerable is a powerful tool
51. 3:10a speaker can use to connect to an audience.
52. 3:13But, as with anything powerful, it should be handled with care.
53. 3:17It is possible to share too much personal information in a talk,
54. 3:20in a way that makes the audience feel uncomfortable.
55. 3:24Make sure any vulnerable moments you include
56. 3:26are there to help support the message you are trying to deliver.
57. 3:30If they aren't doing that, it's probably best to leave them out.
58. 3:34Vulnerability related to your message is powerful.
59. 3:37Sharing something personal just for the sake of it is not.
60. 3:41If you're not sure whether or not a vulnerable moment is appropriate,
61. 3:46try your talk out on an honest friend.
62. 3:493. Make them laugh, but not squirm.
63. 3:53Concentrating on a talk can be hard work for an audience.
64. 3:56Humor is a wonderful way to keep everyone with you.
65. 4:00Remember Sophie Scott’s talk from Lesson One?
66. 4:03If Sophie is right, part of the reason laughter exists
67. 4:07is that it helps humans form bonds.
68. 4:10When you laugh with someone, you both feel you're on the same side.
69. 4:14It's a fantastic tool for building a connection.
70. 4:17Some of the very best speakers in the world
71. 4:19spend a lot of time building this connection in their talks.
72. 4:23However, take caution.
73. 4:24Spending a lot of time on funny stories,
74. 4:27while still delivering a meaningful message, is difficult.
75. 4:30It's not recommended for most talks.
76. 4:32But, if you can find just one short story that makes people smile,
77. 4:36it may unlock the rest of what you have to say.
78. 4:414. Park your ego.
79. 4:44Would you want to listen to someone who seems completely full of themselves?
80. 4:49Nothing hurts a talk more than the sense that the speaker is showing off.
81. 4:54If an audience gets that impression early on in a talk, look out.
82. 4:58They will likely stop listening.
83. 5:00TED Speaker Salman Khan put it beautifully,
84. 5:04“Be yourself.
85. 5:05The worst talks are the ones where someone is trying to be someone they aren’t.
86. 5:09If you are generally goofy, then be goofy.
87. 5:12If you are emotional, then be emotional.
88. 5:15The one exception to that is if you are arrogant and self-centered,
89. 5:19then you should definitely pretend to be someone else.”
90. 5:22Ego can show up in a lot of ways the speaker may not even be aware of,
91. 5:26such as: name dropping, telling stories just to show off,
92. 5:31boasting about your achievements, or making the talk all about you.
93. 5:35Remember that the purpose of your talk is to gift an idea,
94. 5:39not tell everyone how great you are.
95. 5:41Still, these things can be hard to catch yourself on.
96. 5:45Every leader needs someone she can count on for honest feedback.
97. 5:48Someone who's not afraid to tell her the truth about how she's coming across,
98. 5:52even if that's difficult to hear.
99. 5:54A good way to know whether or not your talk seems boastful
100. 5:57is to read it for that trusted person.
101. 6:00Give them the chance to say,
102. 6:02“That was great in parts, but honestly,
103. 6:04you came across a little full of yourself.”
104. 6:085. Tell a story.
105. 6:11We’re born to love stories.
106. 6:14They create interest, empathy, emotion, and a sense of mystery.
107. 6:18They can help an audience understand why a topic matters to you,
108. 6:22and encourage them to care about that topic, too.
109. 6:26Powerful stories can be great at any stage of a talk.
110. 6:29A great way to open, a great way to make your point in the middle,
111. 6:33and sometimes (though less often) a great way to end.
112. 6:37The stories that work best to connect with the audience
113. 6:39are the stories about you personally, or about the people close to you.
114. 6:44Tales of failure, awkwardness, bad luck, danger or disaster,
115. 6:49when told honestly, can really hook an audience.
116. 6:52They start really listening.
117. 6:55They start to share some of your emotions.
118. 6:57They start to care about you.
119. 6:59They start to like you.
120. 7:01But be careful.
121. 7:03The stories you tell must be authentic to you.
122. 7:06Again, stories that seem boastful will push an audience away.
123. 7:10Ask yourself: is it the real me telling this story?
124. 7:14A good test is to imagine whether or not you would tell the story
125. 7:17to a group of friends.
126. 7:19If so, how would you tell it?
127. 7:21Friends are good at knowing when you’re trying to be someone other than you.
128. 7:25And so are audiences.
129. 7:28Be yourself and you won't go wrong.
130. 7:31The suggestions and tools in this lesson should all be used
131. 7:34as part of a real desire to connect to your audience.
132. 7:39It's that connection that's important.
133. 7:42You’re a human, and your listeners are humans.
134. 7:46Think of them as friends and reach out with your gift.