진짜 수준 높은 사람들만 가지고 있는 심리적 특징 5가지 — Transcript

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1. 0:01We often believe that people who
2. 0:02suppress their emotions well are mature
3. 0:04. People who don't get angry, don't
4. 0:07show when they're struggling, and
5. 0:09always smile through it. However,
6. 0:11recent psychological studies completely
7. 0:14overturn this common notion. Maturity
8. 0:18does not come from suppressing emotions
9. 0:20, but rather from how one expresses
10. 0:22them. Today, we are going to talk about
11. 0:27five surprising psychological traits
12. 0:29hidden in the tone, attitude, and
13. 0:31behavior of truly high-level people.
14. 0:34First, they use a way of speaking that
15. 0:36leaves room for discussion instead of
16. 0:38making definitive statements. Instead
17. 0:39of saying, "It’s definitely like this
18. 0:41." They say, "In my opinion, it seems
19. 0:44like this." This way of speaking is not
20. 0:47just modesty; it aligns with the growth
21. 0:50mindset mentioned by Carol Dweck.
22. 0:53People who keep the possibility open
23. 0:55that they might be wrong trigger less
24. 0:57defensiveness in the person they are
25. 0:58talking to. Conversely, communication
26. 1:01research shows that an overly confident
27. 1:03, definitive tone can trigger a threat
28. 1:06response in the listener's brain,
29. 1:07actually reducing persuasiveness. You
30. 1:10can easily understand this by thinking
31. 1:11about a meeting. In front of someone
32. 1:13who insists, "This method is the right
33. 1:15one," you hesitate to offer a different
34. 1:17opinion, but when someone asks, "I
35. 1:19think this way might be better; do you
36. 1:21have any other thoughts?" You naturally
37. 1:23feel comfortable adding your own input.
38. 1:26Ultimately, a single phrase that leaves
39. 1:28room for input encourages the other
40. 1:30person to open up and makes the
41. 1:32conversation much richer. Second, they
42. 1:34do not interrupt before the other
43. 1:36person has finished speaking. The core
44. 1:38of active listening, emphasized by
45. 1:40psychologist Carl Rogers, is the
46. 1:42attitude of hearing the other person
47. 1:44out without judgment. The quality of a
48. 1:46conversation is entirely different
49. 1:47between someone who prepares what to
50. 1:49say next while listening and someone
51. 1:51who focuses solely on what the other
52. 1:52person is saying. In that brief silence
53. 1:54of listening without interruption until
54. 1:56the end, the other person feels a sense
55. 1:58of being understood. When a friend
56. 2:01confides in us about a hard time, we
57. 2:03often turn the topic to ourselves by
58. 2:05saying, "I've been through that, too."
59. 2:08Even if the intention was to comfort,
60. 2:10the other person may feel a moment of
61. 2:11disappointment as if their story was
62. 2:13cut short. On the other hand, after
63. 2:15listening until the end, saying, "That
64. 2:17must have been really hard." Even
65. 2:18without any specific advice, you
66. 2:20strangely feel at ease with someone who
67. 2:22says that. A simple attitude toward
68. 2:24listening can change the temperature of
69. 2:26a relationship. Third, they do not
70. 2:28react immediately even in moments of
71. 2:30anger; they take a moment to pause.
72. 2:32Brain science tells us that when strong
73. 2:34emotions surge, the amygdala reacts
74. 2:36faster than the prefrontal cortex,
75. 2:38which is responsible for rational
76. 2:40judgment. Words spoken in the heat of
77. 2:42the moment during what is called an "
78. 2:45amygdala hijack" usually end in regret.
79. 2:47That is why high-level people choose to
80. 2:49endure a few seconds of silence when
81. 2:51they feel a flash of anger. Because
82. 2:54that brief pause is the most certain
83. 2:56way to protect a relationship. It is
84. 2:58easy to understand if you recall a
85. 3:00moment when you felt provoked by the
86. 3:02tone of a message you received. Some
87. 3:04people act impulsively and send a sharp
88. 3:06reply immediately, but others put their
89. 3:08phone down for a moment, take a deep
90. 3:10breath, and look at the screen again.
91. 3:12In those few seconds, words driven by
92. 3:14emotion and words spoken with restored
93. 3:16reason become completely different
94. 3:18sentences. Ultimately, the simple act
95. 3:20of pausing filters out words that you
96. 3:22would later regret. Fourth, they use a
97. 3:25style of speaking that expresses their
98. 3:27own feelings instead of blaming others.
99. 3:29Instead of saying, "Why do you act like
100. 3:31that?" They say, "I felt a bit hurt in
101. 3:34that situation." The "I-Message"
102. 3:37technique, proposed by psychologist
103. 3:39Thomas Gordon, is a way to accurately
104. 3:41convey your feelings without blaming
105. 3:44the other person. Blaming words invite
106. 3:47defensive rebuttals, but expressing
107. 3:49your own feelings draws out empathy
108. 3:51from the other person instead. This
109. 3:53difference becomes even more apparent
110. 3:55with lovers or close acquaintances. If
111. 3:58you tell someone who is late for an
112. 3:59appointment, "Why are you always late?"
113. 4:02they will immediately prepare an excuse
114. 4:04or a rebuttal. On the other hand, if
115. 4:06you say, "I felt a bit anxious waiting
116. 4:08by myself because you were late," the
117. 4:10person feels sorry before they feel
118. 4:12defensive, even in the same situation.
119. 4:14Conveying your feelings as they are
120. 4:16without casting blame. That alone
121. 4:18completely changes the direction of the
122. 4:20conversation. Fifth, they do not add
123. 4:23excuses when they apologize. Instead of
124. 4:25"I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it at
125. 4:28the time," they say "I'm sorry." An
126. 4:30attitude of fully acknowledging, "It
127. 4:32was my fault for saying that."
128. 4:34According to research on apologies by
129. 4:36organizational psychologist Roy Lewicki
130. 4:38, effective apologies clearly express
131. 4:41accountability and contain no excuses.
132. 4:43A single word of apology without
133. 4:45excuses restores a relationship more
134. 4:47firmly than ten words of explanation.
135. 4:49The difference becomes clear if you
136. 4:51recall a time you made a mistake at
137. 4:53work. "I'm sorry, but actually I had a
138. 4:55lot of other work that day." If you say
139. 4:58this, excuses are heard before the
140. 5:00apology. On the other hand, "I missed
141. 5:02checking it." That single phrase, "I am
142. 5:05sorry," is short but feels much more
143. 5:07sincere. The simple order of admitting
144. 5:09the fault before explaining the reason
145. 5:11is what makes the other person open
146. 5:13their heart again. In the end, a
147. 5:15high-caliber person may not be someone
148. 5:18with special talents, but someone who
149. 5:20chooses differently in their small
150. 5:22words and brief pauses. If today's
151. 5:24video helped you reflect on your tone
152. 5:26and attitude more kindly, please join
153. 5:28us with a subscription and a like. I
154. 5:30will return with sharper and warmer
155. 5:32insights to protect your inner self.