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5 habits I stole from the most "locked-in" girl I know — Transcript

by coco xu · 3,488 words · 484 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00You don't want to start with motivation.
0:01Motivation is a byproduct of your
0:02[music] action. Have the audacity to be
0:04like, "Sorry, I'm busy. I can't be
0:05there." or "Sorry, I am not interested."
0:07So, the first few hours of my day, I
0:08don't make any decisions. Is it a hat?
0:10Is it a haircut? Or is it a tattoo? You
0:11[music] cannot be the victim of your
0:13reality. Hello, my friends, and welcome
0:14back to my channel. Today's topic is
0:16going to be something about lock-in that
0:18we don't talk about enough. Wait a
0:20minute. Wait a minute. I'm in New York
0:21City. I'm surrounded by very, very
0:23successful people, especially a lot of
0:24successful women. That's why I want to
0:26make this video, the five habits I stole
0:28from the most lock-in girl I know. Let's
0:31get into it. Number one, she does it as
0:33soon as possible. This goes from
0:35something very little to, you know,
0:36responding to an email, responding to a
0:38text, or just having an idea and
0:39executing it. Sometimes I think that the
0:41most sufficient, the most productive
0:43people are the ones that respond to your
0:45text message the fastest because they
0:46don't procrastinate doing that. Their
0:48time is so precious that they cannot
0:50afford to have leftover residual energy
0:52or unfinished tasks in the back of their
0:54minds, and that's why they do it as soon
0:55as possible. In the past, I was that
0:56type of girl that would write down ideas
0:58or start planning an idea whenever I
1:00have one. Even when it comes to
1:01something super small like a short-form
1:03video, I would be like, "Oh, this is a
1:05great thing to film about. Let me write
1:06it down on my notes app." or "Let me
1:07take some photos and do it later." If I
1:09don't do this thing within 24 hours, I
1:11probably wouldn't touch it for a long
1:13time. So, this first tip is actually the
1:15most life-changing. If anything I can do
1:17within 2 minutes, I just do it. If this
1:19email is popped up and I can respond to
1:21it in 2 minutes, I will do it. If I have
1:23some dishes that I need to reorganize
1:24and I have 2 minutes to spare, I will do
1:26it. And you realize that you stop
1:27negotiating with yourself, you stop
1:29putting tasks in the back of your mind.
1:30Personally for me, that helps a lot with
1:32clarity and not worrying about things
1:34because sometimes we have this very
1:35overwhelming feeling of having so much
1:37to do and putting everything on a to-do
1:38list when most of these things can be
1:40done the moment you think of it. So,
1:41this is something that really helped me
1:43become a person that execute fast. And
1:45very lastly on this point, I just want
1:47to mention that the most successful
1:48people aren't always the people with the
1:49best ideas, the people who are most
1:51talented, most intelligent. The most
1:53common denominator is that they are
1:55doers, okay? They take actions, they
1:57execute, and they get things done. So,
1:59the first tip, do it as soon as
2:01possible. Number two, she says no
2:03without writing an essay. This one I am
2:04most guilty for because I spent the
2:06first half of my life being the biggest
2:07people pleaser ever. I was a middle
2:09child, so for the longest time I thought
2:11if I was not difficult and
2:13accommodating, my parents would love me,
2:16my siblings would love me, and they did.
2:18They always say that I'm the most easy
2:19to deal with. My parents become very low
2:21maintenance, and I kind of grew with
2:23this really bad habit that I have to be
2:25easy and accommodating under all
2:27circumstances. And if I say no, or if I
2:29don't want to do something, I need a
2:31very, very good excuse for it. And
2:32that's why sometimes when there's
2:33hangouts that I don't want to go to or I
2:35can't go to, I have to explain to them
2:36in paragraphs why I won't be there. And
2:38in turn, that just gave me a lot of
2:40mental stress, and it kind of lowered my
2:42self-worth because I feel like I have to
2:43prove everything to everyone who's in my
2:44life. So, this girl that I know,
2:46whenever she doesn't want to do
2:46something, she responds, "Sorry, I won't
2:48be there." And it's actually kind of
2:49cool from the receiving end. I'm like,
2:51"Okay, I'm not going to judge her. I'm
2:52not going to be like, why?" I know she's
2:53a busy person. So, it kind of keeps that
2:55dynamic that she has her life together,
2:57and she doesn't owe me anything. And
2:58when you do overexplain why you can't be
3:00there, you're actually opening up the
3:01space for negotiation. So, keep it
3:03simple, have the audacity to be like,
3:04"Sorry, I'm busy. I can't be there." or
3:06"Sorry, I am not interested." It's fine.
3:08No one's going to judge you. You don't
3:09have to be rude, but you definitely
3:10don't have to be a people pleaser. When
3:11you focus on yourself, when you shift
3:13your energy inwards, when you prioritize
3:15every single task in order to optimize
3:16your own life, that's when you start
3:17seeing everything change, okay?
3:19Everything. So, now people don't even
3:20take offense when I say no to things,
3:21and I don't need to overexplain, and
3:23people understand that I have a busy
3:24schedule, and I have a lot of things I
3:25want to focus on. So, I think that
3:26actually helped me free up so much time
3:27and feel less guilty as a person or as a
3:29friend because a real one will
3:30understand why you're absent. Number
3:31three, she doesn't wait for motivation.
3:34This one is something that I want to
3:35stress to everybody. Sometimes people
3:37even ask me, "How are you always
3:38motivated to post videos?" You don't
3:40start with motivation. Motivation is a
3:41byproduct of your action. You need to do
3:43something first, and then you have
3:44momentum, and then you become motivated.
3:46I remember when I first started making
3:47content, I would always wait for the
3:48right mood or the right mindset or when
3:50I just feel ready, feel motivated to do
3:53something. But, that's a really, really
3:55volatile mindset because you're
3:56constantly relying on an external
3:58factor. And a lot of the times, I
3:59postpone doing something because I'm
4:00like, "Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm
4:01not in the mood for it. I'm not ready
4:02for it." And that is the biggest
4:03roadblock to any productivity or
4:05success. This person that I know, she
4:06sticks to the plan, not her mood. Like,
4:08she doesn't stop doing something when
4:09she's not in the mood for it, and she
4:10doesn't do something because she's in
4:11the mood for it. She does it because
4:13this is what she does. When it comes to
4:15either it's business or content, the
4:16people who excel aren't the people that
4:18negotiate with themselves every single
4:19time. Obviously, when you're sick, you
4:21can take a break. But, if you're not in
4:22the mood for it, you're not motivated,
4:23you feel tired, yes, but at the same
4:25time, do you want it? Do you really want
4:27this thing that you want to achieve?
4:28Because if you don't want it, sure, you
4:29don't have to push yourself. But, I can
4:30guarantee you every single person that
4:32excelled in their field have experienced
4:34moments of unmotivated, or they don't
4:36feel super good, they're not in the
4:37mood. But, they still did it because to
4:38them, that is a very important thing,
4:40and they don't want to negotiate with
4:41themselves. And I have so much respect
4:42for people who can focus on their own
4:43life and not depend every single action
4:46on their motivation or mood. So, this
4:47mindset is the key to consistency.
4:49Whether this is work, or just your
4:51fitness, your health, your diet, every
4:53single little step, you have to stick to
4:55the plan, you have to stay true to your
4:57goals, and you have to remember that
4:58action is what brings motivation into
5:00your life. You don't start with
5:02motivation alone. Number four, she
5:03decides fast. This is my biggest
5:05character flaw, being indecisive. When I
5:07was younger, my sister would tell me,
5:09"Oh, you're a Libra. Libras are
5:10indecisive because they're like a
5:12scale." And I don't know why, maybe it's
5:13confirmation bias, but I just keep
5:15convincing myself, "Yeah, I'm just an
5:16indecisive person. I just can't make
5:17decisions." And that's the biggest, most
5:19dangerous flaw. Because when you're
5:21indecisive, you end up wasting so much
5:23time and energy on making trivial
5:24decisions, and you don't realize this,
5:26but this consumes so much of your energy
5:28because it takes away the confidence you
5:29have for the rest of the day. When I
5:30wake up in the morning and I just cannot
5:31figure out what I want to wear to
5:32school, I'll be like, "Oh my god, I'm so
5:34incompetent." And that time wasted, you
5:36could have been doing something way more
5:37productive. I used to wake up so early
5:38in the morning, but still end up being
5:40late to school, and I just don't get it.
5:41I'm like, "What is going wrong there?"
5:43So, I timed myself, and I realized I
5:44usually spend around 20 minutes to just
5:46figure out what I want to wear. And
5:48that's such a small decision. I don't
5:49need to stress over it that much. No
5:51one's going to be like, "Oh, she wore a
5:52really good outfit." Or, "Oh, why did
5:54she wear that? It's so stupid." This is
5:55not a big deal in my life. I recently
5:56saw a video that says you can categorize
5:58every decision into three categories. Is
6:00it a hat? Is it a haircut? Or is it a
6:01tattoo? A hat is a very, very not
6:04permanent decision. That's like what you
6:05want to eat for dinner, what you want to
6:07wear to school that day, what do you
6:08want to buy on Amazon for your
6:10groceries. These are things that are
6:12easily reversible and have very tiny
6:15cost of this decision. So, when it comes
6:16to a hat decision, make it as fast as
6:18possible. So, I decided to give myself
6:19only 5 minutes for all hat decisions. In
6:22the morning, I put the timer, 5 minutes,
6:23pick my outfit. If I don't pick the
6:25perfect one, who cares, okay? The time
6:26the timer stops, I get out of the house.
6:28I cannot waste more time on a decision
6:30that is so trivial. The second type is a
6:32haircut. A haircut is a little bit more
6:34permanent, but you know over time it's
6:35going to grow out. When you get a bad
6:37haircut, it does feel bad in the moment,
6:38and it's going to feel bad for a couple
6:40of weeks. But, you know, further down
6:41the line, it's not going to be a big
6:42deal. That includes stuff like
6:43purchasing a little furniture piece, or
6:45getting a haircut, changing your
6:47hairstyle, even signing a lease to a new
6:49apartment. Even though it feels like
6:50it's a big deal, there is an end date to
6:52it. So, when it comes to these
6:53decisions, I'll give myself a day or two
6:55to sit on the decision. And I realized
6:57in the past I couldn't distinguish the
6:58difference between a hat decision and a
7:00haircut decision. So, I spent equally as
7:01long time on both of those. And now, I
7:03decided to spend more time on my haircut
7:05decisions and less time on my hat
7:07decisions. And lastly, is a tattoo
7:08decision. The tattoo decision is
7:10obviously permanent. Of course, you can
7:12wash your tattoo and get rid of it, but
7:13there's so much more cost and so much
7:15more effort associated with it. So, a
7:17tattoo decision is something that you
7:18should really, really put your mind to
7:20it. That's something like buying a
7:21house, you know, moving your entire life
7:23to an entire new country. So, these are
7:24things that have a higher consequences
7:26if you want to change your mind. And in
7:27some cases, you can't change it or can't
7:29go back to where it was entirely. Only
7:31when it is a tattoo decision, I am
7:33allowed to dwell on it. And luckily in
7:34my life, I don't really have that many
7:35tattoo decisions. So, that is good. What
7:37I want to say here is that being
7:38decisive is such a a
7:40I had no idea how much time I wasted
7:42just making small decisions. So, the
7:43first few hours of my day, I don't make
7:45any decisions. I do everything based on
7:47routine. And that's why all the
7:48productive people, they have very rigid
7:49routines. Because when you have
7:50routines, you're not negotiating with
7:51yourself, you're not overthinking,
7:53you're not experiencing any decision
7:54fatigue. You're just doing it. And when
7:56you just do it, you feel productive, you
7:57feel good, you feel clear-headed. And
7:59later on in the day, you can start
8:00making decisions. So, even if I do like
8:02online shopping or any form of small
8:04decision-making, I always do it at night
8:05because I know that's the last thing I
8:06can do today. And then if I get tired, I
8:08go to bed. So, if you want to be
8:09successful, it is non-negotiable that
8:11decisions fast. And I've done a lot of
8:12internships, I've worked with a lot of
8:14successful CEOs and founders in New York
8:16City. And that is the most common trait
8:18they have. They never waste their time
8:19making small decisions. They have their
8:21Instacart automated for groceries, and
8:23they just do the same thing every single
8:24month. They wear the same outfit every
8:25single day. They drink the same coffee,
8:27they have the same breakfast. They don't
8:28negotiate with themselves, they don't
8:29waste time on small decisions. And last
8:31but not least, number five. She is never
8:33the victim. Every single person
8:35experiences some sort of adversity in
8:36their life. Even though some people may
8:38have more severe traumas, it is very
8:40important that we always have a positive
8:41mindset moving forward. I know it's
8:43hard, I know some people have it way
8:44harder, but you cannot be the victim of
8:46your reality. An example of this in my
8:48own life is that for the longest time, I
8:50feel like I wasn't loved as a child
8:51because my parents would neglect me, and
8:53they're really busy people. I was thrown
8:55into boarding school for a bit. I was
8:56the middle child, obviously there's a
8:58whole syndrome thing going on. And I
8:59don't know why up until I was like 19, I
9:01kept thinking that I wasn't loved. I was
9:03just in that mindset, and I forgot to
9:04look around and see everything I'm
9:06grateful for. And I was like, I have
9:07siblings who love me. My parents
9:08definitely love me, they just don't have
9:09time. And they just don't have the same
9:11mindset of expressing it because the
9:12whole Asian love thing is very implicit,
9:14you know? They would do things for me,
9:15acts of service, but they've never
9:16verbally told me they're proud of me or
9:18they love me. That doesn't mean they
9:19don't love me. And ever since I switched
9:20my mindset that I no longer want to be a
9:22victim, I want to celebrate my life, I
9:23want to be more grateful for everything
9:25that I already have, everything started
9:26changing. I started seeing things in
9:28different lenses, I started realizing
9:29how much love I'm surrounded by, and I
9:31started telling my parents how much I
9:32love them, and in turn, I feel more
9:34loved. I feel like I grew up in a very
9:36healthy environment. And I know at times
9:38it's very easy for us to fall into this
9:39mindset of why me? Why am I experiencing
9:41this? Why doesn't it work out for me,
9:42but it worked out for them? But you
9:44really you really have to have the
9:45faith, whether you're religious or not.
9:46You need to have faith that everything
9:48will work out for you. Everything is
9:49planned out for a reason. If you can't
9:51get someone to like you, they are not
9:52your person. If you can't get that job
9:54that you think you're qualified for,
9:55that is not your career. If you've been
9:57following this channel for a while, you
9:58know that I recruited for consulting a
9:59while ago. That was a hard pill for me
10:01to swallow that I wasn't doing super
10:02well in the process, but I think it's
10:03because it's not for me. I have a more
10:05entrepreneur edge to me. I love to
10:06learn. I love new things. I love
10:07fluidity and agency. I love creativity
10:10and just doing things on my own. So, I
10:11think, you know, a career like
10:13consulting now in hindsight is really
10:15not suited for me. So, rejection is
10:16redirection. And every bad thing that
10:18happened to you, you don't know it yet.
10:19I made a short form video saying this,
10:21but there's a Chinese idiom called Sai
10:23Weng Shi Ma, Yan Zhi Fei Fu. When the
10:25old man loses his horse, a series of
10:26event happened to him, right? You will
10:28never ever know whether it's good or
10:29bad. When he first lost his horse, the
10:31villagers think this is a bad event. The
10:32horse came back with a lot of wild
10:34horses and suddenly, oh, he's lucky.
10:36Then, his son went on the horse and he
10:37fell off and broke his leg and everyone
10:39is like, wow, terrible event, right? A
10:41few days later, the whole country went
10:43into war and they came to the village to
10:44draft for armies. And now the old man's
10:46son get excused, so he is a lucky man
10:48again. So, the moral of the story is you
10:49can never know when an event is going to
10:51take you until you get to that point.
10:53So, don't make judgments too early and
10:54just, you know, whether it's good or
10:56bad, don't be so sure that this is why
10:58it happens. Everything will happen for
10:59you and you have to always believe
11:00there's no such thing as this is bad or
11:02I'm unlucky. Everybody is lucky in their
11:04own way. You just need to stay grounded
11:06and focus on the positive and everything
11:07that is already given to you or you
11:08already have in your life because it's
11:10so much so much better of an experience
11:12living when you can focus on the
11:13positives and think of yourself as a
11:15survivor as opposed to a victim. And
11:17that is all, guys. That is everything I
11:18wrote down. I was journaling a few days
11:20ago and I thought this is something I
11:21really want to talk about on this
11:22channel. I don't want to just make
11:23another self-improvement video. I really
11:25want you guys to see how certain habits
11:27and certain people affected me. I
11:28believe that proximity is the biggest
11:30power you can have and moving into New
11:32York City is such a blessing for me
11:33because I get to surround myself with
11:35very hard working and successful people
11:37and learn from them. And if you want to
11:38ask me, "Who is she? Who is this
11:40person?" It is not just one single
11:41person. It is people that I've
11:42experienced all around in my life. Other
11:44successful content creators, female
11:46entrepreneurs, my professors, and my
11:49managers that I used to work with, and
11:50every single person in the city that I
11:51look up to. They've taught me these
11:53lessons that carried on with me. And
11:55sometimes people ask me, "How are you so
11:56productive? How are you so motivated?" I
11:58always share these lessons that I
11:59learned. I hope you guys enjoy these
12:01kind of videos. I definitely love
12:02sitting down and yapping and talking to
12:04you guys. So, if you guys enjoy these
12:05videos, let me know. I will make more.
12:07And don't worry, I have a vlog coming up
12:09for you guys. So, we're going to mix it
12:11all up. If you want to see more of my
12:12day-to-day life, follow me on Instagram
12:15and other platforms. I will make sure we
12:17keep in touch and make sure we keep
12:18growing together. Um yeah, that's the
12:20end of the video, guys. I'm so grateful
12:21for you guys. I'm so grateful for
12:22everything. The sun is out. It's a
12:23beautiful day. I'm just excited to start
12:25the day. So, thank you guys for
12:26watching. Love you all. Bye. Bye. Bye.
12:27Bye.
12:29>> I know
12:30it's I'm better alone.
12:33I'm so happy when I'm sad. I'll [music]
12:35make it up to deal.
12:39Cuz I just need to see
12:41>> [music and singing]
12:42>> what that's
12:43supposed to mean. So, I can make me make
12:46it better.

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