사람 보는 눈이 좋은 사람이 절대 놓치지 않는 4가지 — Transcript

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1. 0:00There are some people who are
2. 0:01exceptionally good at reading others.
3. 0:03When everyone praises someone as a good
4. 0:06person, they may hold back, or
5. 0:08conversely, they might discover
6. 0:10unexpected strengths in someone others
7. 0:12dismiss. Then, as time passes, they
8. 0:15hear this. "How did you know them so
9. 0:18well?" The curious thing is that these
10. 0:21people aren't necessarily quick-witted
11. 0:23or suspicious by nature. Instead, they
12. 0:27act a little differently when having
13. 0:29casual conversations with friends,
14. 0:31getting close to someone, or
15. 0:32discovering disappointing traits in
16. 0:34others. And that difference doesn't
17. 0:38surface in moments requiring great
18. 0:40insight, but in the trivial situations
19. 0:42we encounter every day. So, what is it
20. 0:44that makes people with a good eye for
21. 0:46others so different? Today, we will
22. 0:49examine four unconscious traits of
23. 0:51people who are good at reading others.
24. 0:54See if there is someone like this
25. 0:56around you, or if you yourself fit the
26. 0:58description. Hello. This is Friendly
27. 1:04Psychology. If you hit subscribe and
28. 1:06like, I will repay you with even better
29. 1:08videos. Shall we look at the first
30. 1:11trait? First, they listen more
31. 1:13carefully when others talk about
32. 1:14someone else than when they talk to
33. 1:16them directly. We tend to think we know
34. 1:18someone quite well if we have known
35. 1:20them for a long time. That’s because
36. 1:23we’re used to their personality and
37. 1:25how they treat us. But those who are
38. 1:28good at reading people pay attention to
39. 1:30moments we mindlessly pass by. That
40. 1:32moment is when that person talks about
41. 1:35someone else. People are much more
42. 1:38honest about their true thoughts when
43. 1:39talking about someone else's success or
44. 1:41failure than when talking about
45. 1:43themselves. For example, news pops up
46. 1:46in a group chat with friends. "Hey,
47. 1:48Minsu became a team leader this time."
48. 1:51Friends chime in with congratulations,
49. 1:53but one friend says this: "He’s
50. 1:54always been good at buttering up his
51. 1:56superiors.""That's why he got promoted
52. 1:58so fast." But another friend says this:
53. 2:01"Still, he worked without weekends all
54. 2:03last year.""He's finally getting
55. 2:05recognized." They heard the same news,
56. 2:08but one saw it as "sucking up" while
57. 2:10the other saw it as "hard work." Most
58. 2:13people just laugh and move past this
59. 2:14conversation. However, those with a
60. 2:17good eye for people keep one thing in
61. 2:20mind. "Ah, this friend thinks this way
62. 2:22first when someone else succeeds." Then
63. 2:25, a few months later, I share my own
64. 2:27news. "I'm moving to the company I
65. 2:29wanted to work for." As friends
66. 2:31congratulate me, that friend says this:
67. 2:34"I heard they're hiring tons of people
68. 2:36there." In that instant, the words that
69. 2:38friend said when Minsu got promoted
70. 2:40come to mind. Now that I think about it
71. 2:42, whenever someone succeeds, this
72. 2:44friend brings up other reasons before
73. 2:45offering congratulations. Similar
74. 2:47things happen at work as well. I have a
75. 2:49senior colleague who is always kind to
76. 2:51me. They buy me coffee and, if I look
77. 2:53busy, they check in on me, asking if
78. 2:55I've been struggling lately. But one
79. 2:58day during lunch, the conversation
80. 2:59turns to a colleague who isn't there.
81. 3:01Have you seen how they work? They are
82. 3:03incredibly slow. That’s why they’re
83. 3:05always working overtime. Thinking about
84. 3:07it, that senior colleague talks about
85. 3:09other coworkers in the same way. When
86. 3:11someone makes a small mistake, it's "
87. 3:12That's why they can't do the job." When
88. 3:14someone asks a question, it's "You
89. 3:15don't even know that and you're asking?
90. 3:17" Then, a sudden thought occurs to me.
91. 3:19Do they talk about me like that when
92. 3:21I'm not around? So, what exactly do
93. 3:24people with a good eye for others
94. 3:26listen for? It’s not whether they
95. 3:28talk about others. It’s how they talk
96. 3:30about others. Whether "congratulations"
97. 3:33comes out first or "but" comes out
98. 3:35first when hearing good news about
99. 3:36someone, or whether "it's okay" comes
100. 3:39out first or "that's why they are like
101. 3:41that" comes out first when hearing
102. 3:43about someone's mistake—this opening
103. 3:45remark doesn't change as easily as
104. 3:47you'd think. And the opening remarks
105. 3:49they use for others will eventually
106. 3:51come back to me too. Just like what was
107. 3:53said about Minsu came back around when
108. 3:55I shared my news about changing jobs.
109. 3:57On the contrary, there are friends like
110. 3:58this too. The kind of friend who
111. 4:00complains about someone the whole time
112. 4:02but adds this at the end. But, you have
113. 4:03to give credit where credit is due.
114. 4:05They are really good at their job. A
115. 4:07friend like this is highly unlikely to
116. 4:09look down on me just because of one
117. 4:11mistake I made. Of course, you can't
118. 4:13fully know a person from a single
119. 4:15remark. That is why people with a good
120. 4:17eye for others remember the recurring
121. 4:19opening remarks, not just one instance.
122. 4:22In the end, people reveal what kind of
123. 4:24person they are when talking about
124. 4:26others. Is there anyone that comes to
125. 4:28mind right now? Someone who uniquely
126. 4:30starts with "but" the moment they hear
127. 4:32that someone did well. However, those
128. 4:34who listen carefully to others don't
129. 4:36blindly believe what they say.
130. 4:38Especially when everyone else is saying
131. 4:40someone is not great. Second, they
132. 4:42discover strengths even in people
133. 4:44others dislike. You have at least one
134. 4:47person like this around you, right?
135. 4:48Someone who strangely doesn't have a
136. 4:50very good reputation among people?
137. 4:52Isn't that person a bit prickly? Yeah.
138. 4:55They speak bluntly, and it's
139. 4:56uncomfortable to be around them. After
140. 4:58hearing things like this a few times,
141. 4:59even if you haven't had much personal
142. 5:01experience with them, you find yourself
143. 5:02avoiding that person. However, people
144. 5:04with a good eye for others use what
145. 5:06people say as a reference, but they
146. 5:07don't jump to conclusions based solely
147. 5:09on that. For example, there is a senior
148. 5:11colleague at work who is particularly
149. 5:13unpopular. Their tone is blunt, and
150. 5:15they rarely say what people want to
151. 5:16hear during meetings. When someone
152. 5:18suggests an idea, everyone else says, "
153. 5:20Oh, that sounds good," but this senior
154. 5:22always asks this. But is this actually
155. 5:25possible? How are you going to meet the
156. 5:27schedule? It’s not wrong, but it’s
157. 5:29a total buzzkill for the person hearing
158. 5:30it. So, colleagues say this about that
159. 5:33senior. "That person is always so
160. 5:35negative." Everyone thought so at first
161. 5:38. But one day, a problem erupts just a
162. 5:40day before an important presentation. A
163. 5:42huge error was found in the data
164. 5:44everyone believed was fine. The team
165. 5:47members panic and start trying to
166. 5:48figure out whose fault it is. Who
167. 5:50checked this? At that moment, the
168. 5:53senior who was always called prickly
169. 5:55speaks up quietly. "Let’s see who did
170. 5:57it later.""For now, let's divide up
171. 5:59what we can fix immediately." And they
172. 6:01start organizing the tasks that need to
173. 6:03be reviewed one by one. In the end, the
174. 6:05presentation preparations are finished
175. 6:07safely that night. Watching that, I
176. 6:09suddenly have this thought. "Huh, he's
177. 6:11a bit different from what I thought?"
178. 6:13He was uncomfortable because he always
179. 6:15pointed out problems, but when a real
180. 6:17issue hit, he was the first to find a
181. 6:19way to fix it. Then, when did that
182. 6:22senior become a prickly person? At
183. 6:24first, it was probably just one person.
184. 6:26Someone who suggested an idea in a
185. 6:28meeting and heard, "Is that actually
186. 6:29possible?" That's the person who heard
187. 6:31it. That person says this during lunch.
188. 6:34"Ugh, that senior really ruins the mood
189. 6:36." People nearby join in. "Yeah, he's a
190. 6:40bit like that." And a few months later,
191. 6:42what you end up hearing is this. "Be
192. 6:45careful with that senior.""Everyone
193. 6:46dislikes him." There was only one
194. 6:48person who experienced it firsthand,
195. 6:49but before you know it, it has become "
196. 6:51everyone." Studies show that when
197. 6:52people hear the same thing repeatedly,
198. 6:54they feel it is more true than when
199. 6:56they heard it for the first time. Who
200. 6:58said it first or if it was an actual
201. 6:59experience fades away, and only the
202. 7:01fact that you heard it a lot remains.
203. 7:03So, people with a good eye for others
204. 7:05ask this at times like these. Did you
205. 7:07experience that yourself? It's not out
206. 7:10of doubt, but to verify how many people
207. 7:12among that "everyone" actually
208. 7:13experienced it. And if it is a
209. 7:15firsthand story, they look at one more
210. 7:17thing. Whether that prickliness is
211. 7:19aimed at the work or at the person. "We
212. 7:21can't meet this schedule." This is a
213. 7:23remark aimed at the work. "Are you
214. 7:25asking because you don't even know that
215. 7:26?" This is a remark that belittles the
216. 7:28person. Both are uncomfortable, but the
217. 7:30meanings are different. That senior was
218. 7:32always the former. He questioned the
219. 7:34schedule and feasibility, but he never
220. 7:35belittled anyone. However, do you
221. 7:37remember the person from earlier—The
222. 7:39one who said, "Are you asking because
223. 7:40you don't know that?" It was that very
224. 7:42senior who always bought me coffee and
225. 7:44was always kind. The person who was
226. 7:46kind to me was saying things that
227. 7:48belittled others, and the person
228. 7:49everyone avoided was only focused on
229. 7:51the work. People with a good eye for
230. 7:53others look beyond the simple label of
231. 7:55"not great" to see the situation within
232. 7:57. If you examine what bothered you,
233. 7:58don't you see the strengths you might
234. 8:00have missed? Have you ever avoided
235. 8:02someone based on rumors, only to find
236. 8:03out they were completely different
237. 8:05after meeting them? However, just
238. 8:07because we experienced something
239. 8:08doesn't mean our perception is entirely
240. 8:09accurate. We often misinterpret things
241. 8:11that happen right in front of our eyes.
242. 8:14Just like when we're waiting for a
243. 8:16friend who is 20 minutes late. Third,
244. 8:18they maintain boundaries even with
245. 8:20people they like. Imagine you agreed to
246. 8:22meet a close friend at 2 PM. But even
247. 8:25after the time passes, your friend
248. 8:26doesn't show up. Only after 20 minutes
249. 8:28do you finally get a message. Sorry.
250. 8:30I'm on my way now. Wait just a little
251. 8:32longer. What would you think if that
252. 8:34happened to you? If it were someone you
253. 8:36didn't particularly like, you might
254. 8:37think this: "Just as I thought, they're
255. 8:39the type who can't keep time." But what
256. 8:42if it’s a very close friend? "Did
257. 8:44something happen?""They’re usually
258. 8:45not the type to be late." Even though
259. 8:47the delay is the same 20 minutes, your
260. 8:49mindset changes completely depending on
261. 8:50who it is. In psychology, this is
262. 8:53called the halo effect. One good
263. 8:55impression makes all of that person's
264. 8:56other actions seem positive as well.
265. 8:58The problem arises when this doesn't
266. 9:00just happen once. That friend is 20
267. 9:02minutes late for the next meeting, and
268. 9:0330 minutes late for the one after that.
269. 9:05Finding the restaurant and making the
270. 9:07reservation is always my job. They
271. 9:09might even cancel the night before,
272. 9:11asking if you can meet on another day
273. 9:13instead. Yet, I still let it slide like
274. 9:15this: "They’re just a bit
275. 9:16scatterbrained, and it’s always fun
276. 9:18when we finally meet." Similar things
277. 9:20happen at work as well. My closest
278. 9:21colleague always asks me this right
279. 9:23before it's time to clock out. "Could
280. 9:25you just take a look at this for me?""
281. 9:26You're the only one I can count on." At
282. 9:28first, you help out willingly. Because
283. 9:30you're close. But before you know it,
284. 9:31the colleague has left on time, and I'm
285. 9:33the one staying behind to finish their
286. 9:35work. People with a good eye for others
287. 9:37ask themselves one question in moments
288. 9:39like this. "Wait, if this were someone
289. 9:41I wasn't close with, would I still have
290. 9:43said it was okay?" If the answer is no,
291. 9:45then what I’ve been seeing wasn't
292. 9:47their behavior, but my own feelings.
293. 9:49That doesn't mean you have to cut off
294. 9:51the relationship immediately. Instead,
295. 9:52try saying this one day: "I love
296. 9:54hanging out with you, but waiting
297. 9:55around like this is getting a bit
298. 9:57difficult for me." And in this very
299. 9:59moment, the side of them you couldn't
300. 10:00see before is revealed. Some friends
301. 10:02will say this: "Oh, I'm really sorry.""
302. 10:05I think I took our friendship for
303. 10:06granted." And for the next meeting,
304. 10:08they are actually there waiting five
305. 10:10minutes early. On the other hand, some
306. 10:12friends will say this: "Hey, can't you
307. 10:13even understand that much between us?""
308. 10:15Why have you become so sensitive lately
309. 10:17?" I was clearly the one waiting, yet
310. 10:19suddenly, I’m the one being made out
311. 10:20to be the sensitive one. Usually, both
312. 10:22were fun and good friends. The
313. 10:24difference only showed the moment I
314. 10:26said I was uncomfortable. There are
315. 10:28those who say "sorry" first, and those
316. 10:30who say "you're being sensitive" first.
317. 10:33That’s why people with good judgment
318. 10:34don’t overlook everything just
319. 10:36because they like someone. Because me
320. 10:38liking someone and that person caring
321. 10:40for me are two different things. Have
322. 10:43you ever had a relationship where you
323. 10:44thought they were a good friend, but
324. 10:46looking back, you were the only one
325. 10:47always compromising? That doesn't mean
326. 10:50the fun times you spent together were
327. 10:52fake. It just means you’ve finally
328. 10:54put aside your affection for them for a
329. 10:55moment to see things clearly. And there
330. 10:57is one last thing that people with good
331. 11:00judgment have. They are people who look
332. 11:02inside themselves before looking at
333. 11:04others. That is, their own self. Fourth
334. 11:07, they know what kind of person they
335. 11:09are before judging others. There are
336. 11:11people everyone says are good, but
337. 11:14strangely don't get along with me. They
338. 11:16have a good personality, are capable,
339. 11:18and are popular with others. But after
340. 11:20spending time together, I somehow feel
341. 11:22tired. Conversely, there are people
342. 11:25others find boring, but whom I
343. 11:26strangely feel comfortable with. Why
344. 11:29does this difference arise? For example
345. 11:31, let's say you have a very active
346. 11:32friend. They find new places every
347. 11:35weekend and plan their trips tightly.
348. 11:37Everyone around them says this. They
349. 11:39are really full of energy. There’s
350. 11:41never a dull moment when you’re with
351. 11:43them. But I am someone who needs to
352. 11:45rest quietly on the weekends. After
353. 11:47following them around all day, I’m
354. 11:49exhausted when I get home, so I find
355. 11:51myself replying late when they reach
356. 11:53out. Excuses like "I'm busy this week"
357. 11:55start to pile up, and one day, I even
358. 11:58say this in front of another friend.
359. 12:00They only ever do what they want to do.
360. 12:02But if you think about it calmly, that
361. 12:05friend did nothing wrong. They just
362. 12:07suggested hanging out in a way they
363. 12:09enjoy. The friend was someone who gains
364. 12:12energy from meeting people, and I was
365. 12:14someone who gains energy from resting
366. 12:15alone. It wasn't that the friend was
367. 12:17bad; it was just that the two of us
368. 12:19recharged in different ways. Similar
369. 12:21things happen at work as well. I am a
370. 12:23person who feels at ease only when the
371. 12:25schedule and roles are set before
372. 12:27starting work. But my colleague is the
373. 12:30complete opposite. Let’s just give it
374. 12:32a try. The answer will come as we do it
375. 12:33. Every meeting, they bring up new
376. 12:35ideas and suggest we try them first
377. 12:37before deciding on a direction. People
378. 12:40praise that colleague for their drive,
379. 12:42but I feel anxious that the plans keep
380. 12:44changing. That person is too sloppy
381. 12:47with their work. But that colleague
382. 12:49might be looking at me and thinking
383. 12:51this. Why do they have to nitpick every
384. 12:53little thing? When you just need to get
385. 12:54things done quickly, that colleague is
386. 12:56reliable, and when it’s a task where
387. 12:58mistakes aren't allowed, you are the
388. 13:00reliable one. That is why people with a
389. 13:02good eye for others ask themselves one
390. 13:04question first when they feel
391. 13:05uncomfortable. Is this person not good?
392. 13:08Or are we just not a good fit? To
393. 13:09answer this question, you first need to
394. 13:12know what kind of person you are. Like
395. 13:14when you feel energized and when you
396. 13:16feel drained. Of course, repeatedly
397. 13:18breaking promises or ignoring people
398. 13:20isn't a personality difference; it's
399. 13:22just wrong behavior. However, if you
400. 13:24feel uncomfortable despite them not
401. 13:26doing anything particularly wrong, the
402. 13:28answer is often the latter. The
403. 13:30difference shows in the words that come
404. 13:31out of your mouth. Some people say, "
405. 13:33That person is no good," while others
406. 13:36say, "That person and I don't really
407. 13:38click." The first statement makes the
408. 13:40other person a bad person, while the
409. 13:42second one makes no one a bad person.
410. 13:44And if you know how to say the latter,
411. 13:46you can easily set the distance in your
412. 13:48relationships. Someone you might not go
413. 13:50on a trip with, but can work with. Like
414. 13:52the person you don't see often, but
415. 13:54think of first when things get tough.
416. 13:56Ultimately, having a good eye for
417. 13:57people starts with having a good eye
418. 13:59for yourself. Have you ever had someone
419. 14:01who everyone else liked, but who just
420. 14:03didn't fit with you? Maybe that wasn't
421. 14:06a misjudgment of character, but simply
422. 14:08because you both valued different
423. 14:10things. So far, we’ve looked at four
424. 14:12things that people with a good eye for
425. 14:14others do unconsciously. Remembering
426. 14:17people who respond with "but" when they
427. 14:19hear good news about someone. Asking, "
428. 14:21Did you experience that yourself?" when
429. 14:22someone says, "Everyone dislikes them."
430. 14:25Thinking twice about a friend you like,
431. 14:27wondering, "Would I feel the same if it
432. 14:28were someone else?" And knowing how to
433. 14:31say, "We don't quite click" instead of
434. 14:33"They're no good" when someone makes
435. 14:34you uncomfortable. These four things
436. 14:36don't require any special intuition or
437. 14:38social grace. It’s about listening a
438. 14:40bit more and distinguishing other
439. 14:41people's opinions from what you’ve
440. 14:43seen yourself. Having a good eye for
441. 14:45people isn't the ability to find the
442. 14:47best person in the world. It’s the
443. 14:49ability to recognize the person who is
444. 14:51right for you. Honestly, I felt quite
445. 14:53convicted while writing this script.
446. 14:55Did I judge someone too quickly based
447. 14:57on a one-dimensional aspect? Conversely
448. 14:59, could I be an uncomfortable person to
449. 15:02someone else? Come to think of it, we
450. 15:04all misunderstand others and get
451. 15:06misunderstood by them, too. Admitting
452. 15:09that others may have sides I don't know
453. 15:11, and knowing that I, too, am not a
454. 15:13perfect person to everyone. Perhaps
455. 15:15that is the attitude from which a
456. 15:17deeper insight into people begins to
457. 15:19grow. Have you ever had someone you
458. 15:21initially thought was no good, but
459. 15:23turned out to be quite a decent person?
460. 15:25If you have such an experience, please
461. 15:27share it in the comments. Thank you for
462. 15:29joining me today. Friendly Psychology
463. 15:31will continue to return with stories
464. 15:32that help us understand people and our
465. 15:34minds a little more deeply. Thank you.