4 tipos de excesso de pensamento e como lidar — Transcript

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1. 0:00You overthink, but have you noticed you
2. 0:02don't always overthink in the same way?
3. 0:04Sometimes you get worried about what is
4. 0:06going to happen. Other times a thought
5. 0:08that you don't want to have appears and
6. 0:10just won't leave your head. Other times
7. 0:12you keep going back to a situation that
8. 0:14already happened, trying to understand
9. 0:16what you could have done differently.
10. 0:18Or you spend so much time thinking,
11. 0:20planning, analyzing, trying to predict
12. 0:22everything that you end up having
13. 0:24trouble taking action. All of this
14. 0:27might just seem like: "Oh, I overthink.
15. 0:29" But there are different forms of
16. 0:32overthinking. And when you understand
17. 0:35which one is happening to you, it gets
18. 0:37easier, or as I like to say, less
19. 0:38difficult to know what to do. My name
20. 0:41is Sandra Bueno, I am a psychologist. I
21. 0:44want to talk to you here about four
22. 0:46different forms of overthinking and,
23. 0:48mainly, what you can do when you notice
24. 0:50you're stuck in one of them. The first
25. 0:53is excessive worry. The worry we have
26. 0:55is very much linked to the future. It's
27. 0:58when your mind starts to create
28. 1:00possibilities and tries to anticipate
29. 1:02problems before they happen. You keep
30. 1:04thinking like: "Oh, what if it goes
31. 1:06wrong? What if something happens? What
32. 1:08if I can't do it?" It's always the "
33. 1:09what ifs." What if I make the wrong
34. 1:11decision? You aren't necessarily
35. 1:13solving a problem when you're thinking
36. 1:15all of this. You end up trying to reach
37. 1:18a place of certainty about something
38. 1:20that hasn't happened yet. And so, the
39. 1:23more you think, the more scenarios
40. 1:24appear, the more situations you create.
41. 1:28So, what can you do to better deal with
42. 1:30this excessive worry? In practice, you
43. 1:34can do the following: grab a piece of
44. 1:35paper or a notepad on your phone, and
45. 1:37when you realize you're worried, write
46. 1:39down exactly what your worry is. You
47. 1:42won't just write: "I'm worried." No,
48. 1:44you are going to be very specific. I'm
49. 1:46worried because I might lose my job.
50. 1:48I'm worried because I don't know how
51. 1:50this conversation will end. After you
52. 1:53write it down, ask yourself: "Is there
53. 1:56anything I can do about this right now?
54. 1:58" If there is, you write down what the
55. 2:01next action is. So, a phone call, some
56. 2:04research, a conversation, a decision,
57. 2:06preparing for something. You will do
58. 2:09what is within your reach right now.
59. 2:11But if there is no possible action for
60. 2:14you to take today, you will not keep
61. 2:16trying to mentally solve a situation
62. 2:19that cannot yet be solved. For example,
63. 2:22you can write down that worry and also
64. 2:24set a specific time to think about it
65. 2:26again. For instance, at 7 o'clock I
66. 2:29will set aside 15 minutes to think
67. 2:31about this. And then when the worry
68. 2:35returns before that time, you can even
69. 2:37say it out loud or just think: "I'll
70. 2:39think about this at the time I set."
71. 2:43This helps you stop that attempt to
72. 2:45solve the future throughout the entire
73. 2:47day. Maybe you're even thinking like: "
74. 2:49Oh, no, that's not how it works. This
75. 2:51keeps coming into my head all the time.
76. 2:53" Before you think it's not possible,
77. 2:56imagine a place you're organizing or
78. 2:58leading with your children or at work
79. 3:01that is a mess, everyone wants to talk,
80. 3:03everyone wants to solve everything at
81. 3:05once. And then you get there and say: "
82. 3:08Let's put some order in here. You speak
83. 3:10first, then you, at such and such a
84. 3:12time we'll solve this." You organize
85. 3:14the situation. That is exactly what you
86. 3:17will do with your thinking. You
87. 3:19yourself will organize your thinking.
88. 3:21Perhaps you find it very difficult to
89. 3:23do this because you may have never done
90. 3:25it. Thoughts come to us, this is, this
91. 3:27is in our nature. Most people do this.
92. 3:30Thoughts come and enter whenever they
93. 3:32want, they invade without permission
94. 3:34and take over. If you set a schedule, a
95. 3:38time to think about them, you are
96. 3:40rationalizing, you are no longer
97. 3:42letting thoughts dominate. Then you are
98. 3:45the one who will dominate the situation
99. 3:46. Let's move on then to the second type
100. 3:48of overthinking, which are intrusive
101. 3:50thoughts. These are those thoughts that
102. 3:53appear without you having chosen to
103. 3:54think about them. So, an image, a
104. 3:57phrase, a possibility, often an absurd,
105. 3:59unpleasant, frightening idea, things
106. 4:02that you even feel uncomfortable
107. 4:04thinking about. And the problem grows
108. 4:06when you start thinking like: "Why did
109. 4:08I think about this? Does this mean
110. 4:11something? Why did this cross my mind,
111. 4:13this thing so absurd? I need to get
112. 4:15this thought out of here." When we have
113. 4:17these thoughts, it's the first thing we
114. 4:19think. Then you start fighting against
115. 4:21the thought itself. But the more you
116. 4:24try to expel this intrusive thought,
117. 4:26the more attention you give it. So,
118. 4:29when you notice an intrusive thought
119. 4:31arriving, try a different response. No,
120. 4:34you are not going to argue with the
121. 4:36thought. You won't try to prove it's
122. 4:38wrong, you won't try to find out why
123. 4:40this thought appeared. And, most
124. 4:42importantly, you won't treat the
125. 4:44presence of a thought as if it already
126. 4:45requires a response from you. You will
127. 4:48just acknowledge it. That is an
128. 4:50intrusive thought. And then you return
129. 4:52to what you were doing. If the thought
130. 4:54appears again, then you can repeat: "I
131. 4:57noticed this thought, I know it's
132. 4:58intrusive." And go back without
133. 5:00fighting, without analyzing, without
134. 5:02trying to discover its meaning. A
135. 5:05thought is just a thought. You don't
136. 5:07need to respond to everything that
137. 5:09crosses your mind, nor give it space or
138. 5:11reason. Now let's talk about a third
139. 5:14form of this overthinking, which might
140. 5:17even seem productive, which is
141. 5:19excessive planning and analysis. You
142. 5:23have a decision to make, for example,
143. 5:25and then you start researching; then
144. 5:27you compare; then you think of another
145. 5:30possibility; then you imagine what
146. 5:32could happen; then you consider another
147. 5:34alternative and then you keep analyzing
148. 5:36, because it seems that if you think
149. 5:39enough, you will finally find the
150. 5:41perfect choice. But there is a problem
151. 5:44with that. At some point, thinking
152. 5:46stops being preparation and starts
153. 5:49being a way to delay action. So, what
154. 5:52can you do to deal with this excessive
155. 5:54planning once you've realized you've
156. 5:56reached that point? You can ask
157. 5:58yourself a simple question. What is the
158. 6:00next concrete action? You won't ask
159. 6:03yourself: "What is the perfect decision
160. 6:05?" Ask yourself: "What can I do right
161. 6:08now?" If you are thinking about
162. 6:10changing professions, for example,
163. 6:12perhaps you don't need to decide today
164. 6:15exactly what your whole professional
165. 6:17life will look like. The next step
166. 6:19might be to research a training course,
167. 6:22talk to someone in the field, or update
168. 6:24your resume. You don't need to solve
169. 6:27the entire path all at once. That is
170. 6:29what causes this anguish. You need to
171. 6:31identify what the next step is and then
172. 6:34take that step, because there is a
173. 6:36moment when more analysis, more
174. 6:38preparation, doesn't increase your
175. 6:40clarity, it only increases your delay
176. 6:43in acting. Let's talk about the fourth
177. 6:45type of overthinking, which is
178. 6:46rumination. Here, the direction of the
179. 6:50thought usually points to the past. You
180. 6:53keep going back to a conversation, a
181. 6:55decision you already made, or a
182. 6:56situation that happened. And then you
183. 6:59start thinking: "I should have said
184. 7:01that, why did I do that?""What if I had
185. 7:04chosen differently?""Did that person
186. 7:07really mean that?" You go to an event,
187. 7:10a party, a meeting, and afterwards you
188. 7:11keep just thinking about it. You keep
189. 7:14revisiting that situation, trying to
190. 7:16find an answer that finally makes your
191. 7:19mind rest, to stop thinking about it.
192. 7:22But most of the time, you aren't
193. 7:24finding a solution, you aren't
194. 7:26resolving the issue, you're just
195. 7:28repeating the thought. So, one way for
196. 7:32you to end this rumination can also be
197. 7:34to ask yourself a simple question. Is
198. 7:38there any action I can take right now
199. 7:40in response to what happened? If there
200. 7:42is, do it. If you need to apologize,
201. 7:45apologize. If you need to talk, talk.
202. 7:47If you have any doubts, if something
203. 7:50remains unclear to you, ask. But if
204. 7:53there is no concrete action you can
205. 7:55take, think that continuing to mentally
206. 7:58revisit the situation won't change what
207. 8:01happened. And then, the moment you
208. 8:04realize this, you return to your
209. 8:06present, notice where you are, what you
210. 8:08are doing, what is around you. And then
211. 8:11you ask yourself: "What is happening in
212. 8:14my life right now?" Because rumination
213. 8:16keeps you emotionally stuck in a
214. 8:19situation that has already ended.
215. 8:21Action, when you take it, when it
216. 8:23exists, moves you forward. And when
217. 8:26there is no action possible anymore,
218. 8:28returning to the present helps you
219. 8:30break out of this cycle. Now that
220. 8:33I’ve shown you these four types of
221. 8:35overthinking and some strategies to
222. 8:38deal with each one, I really want you
223. 8:40to do one thing with me here. Think
224. 8:44about that situation that is occupying
225. 8:46or was occupying your head before you
226. 8:48started watching this video. Try to
227. 8:52identify for this specific situation if
228. 8:54it’s a worry about the future, if
229. 8:56it’s an intrusive thought you're
230. 8:58trying to push away, if it’s a
231. 8:59situation you’re analyzing and
232. 9:01preparing for too much before acting,
233. 9:03or if it’s something from the past
234. 9:05you keep ruminating on. Because each
235. 9:08type of thought calls for a different
236. 9:10response; as you saw here with worry,
237. 9:12if that’s the case for this situation
238. 9:14you’re living, identify what is under
239. 9:16your control. And if there is no action
240. 9:19possible right now, deliberately
241. 9:22postpone that worry. If it’s an
242. 9:25intrusive thought, you will acknowledge
243. 9:27the thought without arguing with it and
244. 9:29return to your present. If it’s a
245. 9:31case of excessive planning, you will
246. 9:33stop trying to solve everything and
247. 9:35find the next concrete step for you to
248. 9:37resolve it. And if what you're
249. 9:39experiencing now and this excess of
250. 9:41thought is rumination, ask yourself if
251. 9:43there is any possible action to take.
252. 9:46If there isn't, return to your present.
253. 9:49And realize one important thing: you
254. 9:50don't need to prevent these thoughts
255. 9:52from appearing. We aren't able to do
256. 9:55that. Your mind is going to think. The
257. 9:57goal is not to turn every thought into
258. 10:00a task you need to solve. Now, before
259. 10:03we finish here, I want to invite you to
260. 10:06check out my new space. It's a place
261. 10:08for us to continue this conversation
262. 10:10beyond these videos, which is my
263. 10:11website, sandrabueno.com. It's not just
264. 10:14a simple site that you visit once, and
265. 10:15then never return to, or grab some
266. 10:17information and then forget about it. I
267. 10:20designed it as a place for you to come
268. 10:22back to, a place where you will find
269. 10:24different paths within my work
270. 10:25depending on what you're looking for or
271. 10:27experiencing at the moment. So the
272. 10:30address is right here: sandrabueno.com,
273. 10:32no "br" at the end, okay? And a QR code
274. 10:34will appear here for you. If you're
275. 10:36watching me on TV, grab your phone
276. 10:38right now, point it at this QR code,
277. 10:40and it will direct you straight to my
278. 10:42site. So let's recap before we wrap up.
279. 10:45So what did we talk about here today? I
280. 10:47told you that there are different ways
281. 10:49we can overthink. I showed you four
282. 10:52ways here. We talked about worry, which
283. 10:54is when you look at the future and try
284. 10:56to anticipate what might still happen.
285. 10:59We talked about intrusive thoughts,
286. 11:00which appear without us wanting them to
287. 11:02. Excessive planning and analysis,
288. 11:06which can turn that preparation into
289. 11:08procrastination, and rumination, which
290. 11:10is what keeps you stuck in situations
291. 11:12that have already happened. For each of
292. 11:16these forms of overthinking, there is a
293. 11:18different response. Tell me here in the
294. 11:21comments which one you are experiencing
295. 11:23. I did an analysis here with you of
296. 11:25what you're living through today. Tell
297. 11:27me a little bit about what you're going
298. 11:28through and how you're struggling to
299. 11:30deal with it. Oh, one more thing, I'll
300. 11:32also leave you a link to my book, "Como
301. 11:33é difícil ser gente"(How hard it is
302. 11:35to be human), in the first pinned
303. 11:36comment. If you haven't read it yet, I
304. 11:38strongly recommend that you do. There's
305. 11:40a physical version and a digital
306. 11:42version of it, okay? If you want to
307. 11:43dive even deeper into this subject we
308. 11:45discussed here, I'll leave another
309. 11:47video on the screen for you, deal?