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23 YEARS ON DEATH ROW, Nick Yarris | EP 46 — Transcript

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0:00[Music]
0:03[Applause]
0:05good evening ladies and gentlemen
0:07welcome back to the graph Kings podcast
0:08you know where we are we're in Kent's
0:10hottest nightclub mumus and today we're
0:12joined by a very I would say unique
0:15guest someone with an incredible story
0:18someone who has spent 22 years on death
0:21row um it's an unbelievable story so I
0:24will let Nick Garis introduce himself
0:27and dive into it so first and foremost
0:29welcome uh to the Pod man appreciate
0:31coming down I really would uh like to
0:35First
0:36say what a wonderful treat it was in the
0:40course of a phone
0:42call having someone experience the real
0:45energy of just like being validated and
0:49I guess that's what I'm here to do
0:50tonight um share my story of self
0:55validation
0:57right every podcast is different and I I
1:01I try very assiduously to make sure that
1:05it's not only informative but it it goes
1:07to the heart of what I want to
1:10share so my name is Nick Yaris I was
1:14born in Philadelphia Pennsylvania in the
1:16United
1:18States I came to the United Kingdom in
1:212005 and I've been here for many years
1:24back and
1:25forth the story that leads me to this
1:29point of sitting before you now is that
1:32yes I was convicted and sentenced to die
1:36in America in Pennsylvania for a rape
1:39and murder of a woman that I never met
1:41in my life I was only a 20-year-old man
1:44with a very troubled childhood and it
1:47really destroyed all of the things that
1:49I had dreams and hopes for but it also
1:52was one of the greatest events of my
1:55life so in summary of my
1:58introduction I have have a
2:00uniquely deeply moving life that I'm
2:04very much aware of has impacted others
2:07and I'm grateful every time I get to
2:09introduce myself to an audience and say
2:14hello wow what introduction what an
2:16introduction yeah wow I think you're the
2:19second Us guest we've had on the show
2:21right yeah believe so yeah it's good to
2:23have you on man yeah a bit different
2:25from what we used to but we thought
2:26you'd be a perfect guest to align with
2:27our kind of core audience and stuff and
2:30you must have some crazy mental
2:32resilience to go through what you went
2:33through and that's what obviously we're
2:34trying to teach people as well and to
2:37have someone with your story on the pods
2:38and honor thank you very much for coming
2:39on man it's a pleasure I've not had one
2:41psychiatric counseling session in my
2:44whole life I've learned through
2:47self-determination and a lot of the life
2:50experiences that unfortunately were
2:53traumatic how to have a true sense of
2:56myself and this is what a lot of young
2:58men struggle with their life experience
3:01doesn't have to be traumatic for them to
3:03find this within themselves they just
3:05have to go through this change of
3:08believing in themselves because they are
3:10a gift that someone had you know it's
3:13it's a strange thing we have an
3:16appreciation factor that keeps fading
3:18from us in life and I think a lot of
3:20young men just need to hear us like I am
3:24honored to be on this podcast because I
3:26know it's dedicated and driven mostly to
3:28young men who are or men in
3:32particular and you're trying to wonder
3:34like what it is that we're
3:36doing we're trying to show you that
3:39despite all the things that you can go
3:41through there's a real quality in
3:43finding yourself and sharing that with
3:46your family and showing your growth and
3:48development in a positive way because
3:50that's what you were made for that's
3:53what guys are man we're we're the ones
3:55that show up after the battle's over and
3:57try and fix things or we go through the
3:59highs and lows but we're always there
4:01for for others you
4:03know that's the point of coming here I
4:06really believe and I'm glad of be on
4:07this podcast for that reason thank you
4:10man appreciate that this is exactly why
4:12I reached out to you because I I did say
4:14to Nick we we had like a a short
4:16conversation on the phone and I said
4:17look the boys don't even know I've
4:18reached out to you but when I speak to
4:20them I know straight away it's going to
4:22they're going to say yes get this guy on
4:24because your story itself is so it's
4:26unbelievable I don't think there's a lot
4:27of people that can go through what you
4:28have and come out of it with a positive
4:31mindset and do what you are doing I know
4:34it was so cool that in the span of 15
4:36minutes and 33 seconds on the phone I
4:40looked at the time
4:41afterwards you can change someone's life
4:44man yeah wow oh you got to know the
4:47backdrop to what I meant when I said the
4:49initial introduction I had a phone
4:52conversation with this man I was sitting
4:54in my car I'm in a little high low RV on
4:58my way I pull over because he calls me
5:02finally in the course of 15 minutes
5:06ozanne felt the energy rushing up his
5:09back up around his skull lighting up his
5:11head because he was hearing the truth
5:15the truth that he's been living and and
5:17really driving himself by was being
5:19reflected to him by someone he had never
5:21met but they were singing the same tune
5:24and his body was going crazy and I said
5:26I explained it to him see when you live
5:29a truth you're still true to who you are
5:33your nature of who you are and as a man
5:37when you meet a fellow representation of
5:39that energy it just lights you up it's
5:42like that bro feeling because that
5:44Soldier is exactly like you I agree man
5:47I love that and I hung up the phone
5:49knowing that I would be here you know I
5:53came here two hours before the podcast
5:56did I I let you know I told the boys I I
6:00I always did this wherever I go to speak
6:02is so important to absorb the energy of
6:05who I'm speaking to knowing that you
6:08grew up here that was the first thing I
6:09wanted to know I also like I love the
6:13idea that I get to have this feeling I'm
6:17paying homage to you by being here not
6:20in a blur but like I told you I want to
6:22really appreciate each effort because I
6:25don't know how much longer I'll have
6:27Clarity of mind because a lot people
6:29don't know this I endured so many
6:32beatings on death row in prison that I
6:34have um what's described as CTE brain
6:38injury now I don't have bandages and I I
6:41don't have bruises that you can see but
6:43I promise you it's a fullon thing where
6:45I have a floating disc in my eye and I
6:47have at
6:49times difficulty struggling against the
6:53feeling and want to be utterly black and
6:57Bleak so I have a really good thing that
7:00I've been working on it's called
7:02neuroplasticity healing and basically if
7:06you can understand a gymnasium Contex
7:09you know guys you can go in the gym and
7:11work out right and it changes your body
7:15physiologically I can teach you how to
7:18use your brain to erase all
7:21PTSD so basically you go into a mental
7:24gym and you start practicing meticulous
7:28polite Behavior with others why your
7:32brain has a built-in feature that allows
7:35you to rewrite that circular thought of
7:39negativity that's been bugging you
7:41because you're so fixated on the reward
7:44that your brain gets from The Smiling
7:47returning faces of your
7:49kindness now if you think this is
7:52mad I got out of prison and my mother
7:55made me a pro make me a made me make her
7:58a promise that I would be a polite
8:01person about 15 years after practicing
8:05that utter politeness to others I met a
8:07man named Robin Sharma the foremost
8:11authority on neuroplasticity healing and
8:14teaching he said unequivocally I was
8:17living every teaching methology I had he
8:22had ever shared and I had exp and I had
8:25somehow exponentially taken it to an art
8:28form what a compliment by a man who's
8:32yes people I hope you're enjoying the
8:34Pod so far just like we are if you guys
8:37could hit the Subscribe button you be
8:38doing the world of favors let's get back
8:40into it dedicated his life to teaching
8:43people about this
8:45healing think about it this way the core
8:50of
8:51Charisma comes from your self-confidence
8:54ability to be meticulously polite to
8:57someone without faltering
9:00this is why so many charismatic actors
9:03and others have this charm about them
9:06they're projecting exactly what I'm
9:08telling you you can
9:10develop that's why I haven't had one
9:12psychiatric counseling session since I
9:15got released in
9:172004 2004 wow how how did so for the
9:22listeners back home don't have a full
9:25debrief on your story how did you get
9:27released in 2004 okay do you want to go
9:30back before that first yeah let's go
9:32let's go let's go let's go back yeah
9:33let's go back to prior to prison Nick I
9:35want to give you a a good synopsis a
9:39cogent lead up to all of
9:43this Philadelphia Pennsylvania was the
9:46end of the slave railroad the
9:48underground slave railroad from the
9:51virginas and South America ended in
9:54Philadelphia because William Penn a
9:57Quaker and a forth thinking founder of
10:01America had a Creed that by virtue of
10:04being in the city of Philadelphia in
10:07your physical form you were a free
10:09person just the thought that if you
10:12could make it to
10:14Philadelphia by virtue of being standing
10:17in that street you could be a free
10:19person the City of Brotherly Love and
10:22when I was growing up it was so
10:24beautiful people had Garden contests in
10:27their neighborhoods to fac facilitate
10:30this contest of who had the best
10:32neighborhood it was really cool to get
10:34your face painted and go to Teddy
10:36Pendergrass concerts and all these
10:38things it was a great time to be a kid
10:42but then America
10:44lost so much in
10:471968 with the assassination of Martin
10:50Luther King Jr in
10:53Tennessee every major city in America
10:56started having race
10:57riots I remember this incident where
11:01rodder Rick Jones was my best friend in
11:03school and we raced all the time who
11:05could be the fastest that's all we
11:08did my parents my father sat me down on
11:11a sofa with my siblings and explained to
11:14me I couldn't be friends with rodick no
11:16more because of his skin color and I
11:18said why cuz he was faster than me and
11:21he goes
11:22no
11:24roderick's angry and everyone who's
11:26black is angry because the man they love
11:29was killed and I don't get this and I
11:33still distinctly remember he just said
11:35for your own safety don't be around
11:38anyone that's not white I couldn't I
11:41couldn't get it through my
11:43head
11:45so I lived in this real that my world
11:48was being upside down by the social
11:50torment of the country around me and
11:53then in an incident just after I get my
11:57head beaten in by a man who found me
11:59walking with my dog in the woods near my
12:01home and he raped me and he left me with
12:04all this shame and degradation in my
12:06brain and no one would believe me cuz I
12:09told the initial lie that he forced me
12:12to say that I had fallen off a wall and
12:15a shopping cart fell on top of my head
12:18so like young men the world over when
12:21we're shamed deeply like that I turned
12:25to anger and drugs and alcohol and I did
12:28everything I could to be just as vile as
12:30the man that attacked
12:32me I I remember I was so devastated by
12:37this
12:38feeling I literally would sneak out of
12:40my neighborhood to go night do nice
12:42Deeds for women at the shopping centers
12:44out in the suburbs so that they could
12:46thank me and make me feel good inside
12:49because in my neighborhood I was Nicki
12:52Aris and everybody was afraid of me and
12:53I was a thief and a junkie wow how old
12:57are you at this time Nick 15
13:00so by the time I'm 19 years old I've
13:04confronted my attacker in the
13:07woods he was coming down from uh
13:10railroad tracks and as he stood before
13:14me coming up close to me I had a a quart
13:17bottle of beer they call 32 o bottle and
13:22uh all of a sudden he became like the
13:26most milk toast person you could imagine
13:29blathering in front of me about the
13:31traumas that he went through as a child
13:34and how his father beat him and touched
13:36him and [ __ ] or whatever and I'm like
13:39you're not making any sense you're the
13:41monster in my dreams you're the guy who
13:44used to terrorize me when you caught me
13:46alone in the alley and you would rough
13:48me up and threaten to kill my family and
13:50my dog like how can you be weak but I'm
13:536'2 I weigh 200 lb and he's only 5' n
13:58Maybe 180 170 lbs I don't know but I'm 4
14:03in taller than him and I just got out of
14:05the juvenile facilities that taught me
14:07to be a violent offender man
14:10so I wanted him to be aggressive I
14:13wanted him to be the guy that always
14:15hurt
14:16me and he he was afraid of me and it
14:20freaked me out and I remember I took the
14:23beer out of his hand I threw it on the
14:25ground I called him names and I just I
14:28ran
14:29I left him standing there I couldn't
14:31even hurt the man that hurt me because
14:34in that moment I realized I was
14:36him I was
14:39disgusting I had no manner of speech no
14:42patience for anyone I stole from my own
14:44family man
14:48wow what a moment
14:50so I run off I go to Florida and I blow
14:54out a hotel room and they put me in the
14:57south Florida State mental Institution
14:59for 8 months and I get diagnosed with uh
15:04Aphasia a brain disorder brought on by
15:07head uh
15:08trauma and the doctors explained to me
15:11that as long as I was sober and not
15:13doing
15:14methamphetamine I had a good chance of
15:16healing so I go back to Philadelphia I'm
15:2019 years old for the first time in my
15:22life I'm sober I get a job in the
15:25Philadelphia start dating this girl
15:27everything's going good
15:29and then she breaks up with me I use it
15:33as a petty excuse like we do guys my
15:35girl broke up we I'm g go get high I'm
15:3919 I just turned 20
15:44right I go out and steal a car with my
15:46boy Eddie Peterson we get uh chased by
15:49the cops and the police catch me and
15:52beat my face in and stuck all kind of
15:54stitches in my mouth I didn't learn my
15:57lesson I went back to my parents house I
15:59started getting high
16:00again 3 weeks later I got tired of being
16:03cooped up in the house with my mouth all
16:05bashed in and I stole another car in
16:07Chester County Pennsylvania and I get
16:10pulled over this time but I'm so
16:11terrified and I had this
16:13Aphasia I don't move when the officer
16:17pulls up next to me I don't even know
16:19the radio's blasting I don't know
16:22anything I'm stricken with fear from the
16:24beating I just got from the Philadelphia
16:26police when this guy rips the door open
16:29and just like I hear the music all of a
16:32sudden and he ripping me out he puts his
16:34forearm on my throat and started choking
16:36me and I start
16:38resisting and due to this incident his
16:41weapon was
16:43discharged that was the end of my life
16:46at the age of 20 because the officer
16:49took time to compose himself and make up
16:51a cockamamy story that I had took his
16:54weapon that I had run back and punched
16:56him in his face and broke his eyeglasses
16:58and took his gun off him and he
17:01heroically overpowered me and took the
17:03gun from
17:04me I had no say in the matter I was a
17:0620-year-old junkie sitting in the back
17:08of a police cruiser and I had just been
17:11arrested three weeks before that for the
17:13same crime of stealing a car but there's
17:16no way anybody's going to believe you
17:17when you're a
17:19kid and the police knew this
17:22man so I did the stupid thing of all and
17:26this is one of the greatest mistakes of
17:28my life that I still live with I went to
17:31prison I was held in maximum security
17:34housing with no drug treatments and
17:36after I went through drug withdrawal I
17:39woke up to a cell with a newspaper in
17:42it on page three of the December 15th
17:461981 Delaware County Daily Times
17:48newspaper was a story about the
17:51abduction and mystery murder of Linda
17:53May Craig a 33-year-old mother of three
17:57who lived in the area of who worked
17:58across the state line in
18:01Delaware just getting gifts for her
18:03children over Christmas the police were
18:06baffled by her murder and the strangest
18:09thought came into my mind became a
18:12mantra what if what if I knew something
18:15about a crime like this I bet you I
18:18could tell the cops a lie and I could
18:19get out of here just like they're lying
18:21on
18:22me that's the mindset of a 20-year-old
18:25and this is what led to my downfall I
18:28literally talked my way into charges by
18:32convincing the police that I knew
18:33something about this crime and blaming a
18:36man in my neighborhood who had
18:38previously robbed me and rode me around
18:40in a rug in his back of his pickup
18:45truck the police found out I was lying
18:48they came back to me and they said very
18:53strenuously we know that you came
18:55forward because you killed Mrs Craig we
18:58know that you had a troubled childhood
19:01you broke up with your
19:03girlfriend and we know that you killed
19:05this woman and you were doing this as a
19:07CME for
19:08help and I said no man I I told you I
19:12didn't do the original crime I didn't
19:14take this officer's gun I didn't hurt
19:18him and sure enough the police decided
19:21this was an easy case to close because
19:23they had no idea and there's no DNA back
19:26in the 80s or any of these things
19:29they knew that the killer had B positive
19:32blood they took a swab of my blood and I
19:35am a B positive secretor of this Blood
19:38antigen and for them that was it after
19:41they found out that my blood matched the
19:44killer they formulated a plan that they
19:46were going to make this case
19:49fit they got witnesses that change their
19:51story about the original salent that
19:53they saw in the area of the attack being
19:565'5 5'6 seven long dark black greasy
20:00hair I promise you as bald as I am I was
20:03once just as blonde and I had long locks
20:06at the time so did I once as well yeah
20:09man I was I was a Shaggy Dog at one time
20:11I saw the pics man so I
20:14saw it was really disheartening that
20:17they were picking on me mentally and I
20:19didn't have the fortitude to stand up
20:21for
20:22myself the most Sinister thing ever done
20:25to me during the course of that early
20:27part was detective Randy Martin took me
20:29back to prison and did this performance
20:33in front of the Pagan's motorcycle gang
20:35in which he hugged me and said that they
20:38were going to go kick some doors in now
20:41and that was setting me up to be a
20:44snitch and then the next day I wake up
20:48and the attack
20:50start guy tries to put my eye out with a
20:53sharpen boom they're throwing urine and
20:56feces at me they got cleans are in cups
20:59boiling water trying to Blind
21:02me I'll never forget and I hate doing
21:06this because it's the hardest thing I
21:08ever
21:10tell about the sixth day of the attacks
21:13all day long because anytime they open
21:15my door I was hurting people I was
21:17getting in that shower I was getting
21:19this filth off me and whoever is on the
21:21tear I was getting them so I was a
21:23bloody mess but a guy named Angel the
21:26headed a pagan he was the
21:30president he called for silence one
21:32night and he said we're not going to
21:34attack you tomorrow Nick no one's going
21:37to attack you when you come out of your
21:38cell you're free to come out again I was
21:41like yeah right you [ __ ] going
21:43to give me a
21:45break he said no cuz if you don't kill
21:49yourself we're just going to send
21:50someone to your parents house and kill
21:52them I was like man that's some dirty
21:55[ __ ] so
21:59The Story Goes and I always only told
22:02this part that after six days of being
22:05tortured I hung myself in my prison cell
22:08only to have a guard miss a inmate with
22:11their medication and come back by
22:13accident at 10 clock and catch me
22:15hanging from the radiator only to cut me
22:17down and tell me that he was not letting
22:19me cheat the state of Pennsylvania out
22:21of my punishment
22:23so it was pretty
22:25bleak and I went through some terrible
22:28experiences where my mother tried to
22:29come and see me and she was like Nikki I
22:32don't understand this I don't know what
22:34you're doing what are you up to but
22:36whatever you got to go through don't you
22:38dare hurt
22:39yourself I dreamed about you being born
22:42don't take that from
22:45me that's deep man [ __ ] H that's so
22:49deep yeah I mean I don't even know which
22:51point to go back to but I'm thinking as
22:53a 20-year-old male at that time when
22:56you're I'm guess and you had to go to
22:59trial you had to stand there and when
23:01they say and then bang that hammer and
23:02say look this is it you're going to
23:05prison for the rest of your life for
23:07death throw like what's going through
23:08your mind at that moment the courthouse
23:10got struck by light you could look it up
23:14in June of two
23:171982 my apologies I was on trial for the
23:21r and murder of Linda May Craig having
23:24already been found not guilty of all my
23:27original charges es by a jury after only
23:2915 minutes of
23:30deliberation because the police officer
23:32lied it's just cut right through that so
23:35they saw through his lie and I got
23:38exonerated from that and the prosecutor
23:41who lost that took it personally took
23:43over the homicide trial and a month
23:45after I was acquitted I was on trial
23:48for and the courthouse got struck by
23:50lightning in this Eerie
23:53moment author Craig the victim's husband
23:57was on the stand testifying and they
23:59showed him a photograph of his
24:02wife and it was done with those old
24:05projection system so there was the
24:07clicking and the whirling of the
24:09material yes guys just another gentle
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24:48let's get back to the show real I'll
24:50never forget
24:52this they showed the photograph of the
24:54victim being found in the parking lot
24:58and it was two
25:01children their Footprints were black
25:04where they initially were standing in
25:05blood but they came up through the snow
25:07and then they got lighter as they ran
25:09away an arcing form and it looked like
25:11an angel's Wing around this dead
25:14woman they showed that to the jury and
25:16the jury looked at me like I was a piece
25:18of dirt and then they never looked at me
25:22again and no one could look at me again
25:23it was bugging me and then later that
25:26day boom
25:29the courthouse itself got struck by
25:31lightning and they jumped up with their
25:33guns out like I was going to escape or
25:36something and they hustled me up into
25:37this big cell above the courthouse and I
25:41was up in this big empty
25:45cell and I was watching the courthouse
25:47below and because the power was knocked
25:50out everything was
25:53still it was lightly raining but you
25:56couldn't hear any noises on the street
25:58or anything so
26:00pristine and I looked down and I saw the
26:03faces of people that Babys sat me as a
26:06child who I grew up around and they were
26:09all sneering at me and saying all these
26:12horrible things to me and I was like
26:16[ __ ] no one's ever going to look at me
26:19man so I just heard this strange thing
26:22in my head
26:24like wasn't vocal was like an energy
26:28and I just knew that I had to look
26:30people in the eye when you don't do
26:32something wrong don't you dare lower
26:34your eyes I mean it if someone's falsely
26:37accusing you or something look them in
26:39the eye because it's the only strength
26:41that you have and as a 20-year-old boy
26:44facing the death penalty in the next few
26:46minutes that's all I had and you know it
26:49was remarkable when people are doing you
26:51wrong they can't look you in the eyes
26:53because the eyes of their soul are open
26:55I honestly believe that
26:59so Robert F
27:02Kelly sentences me to
27:05death and he can't look me in the eye
27:09and he asked me was I finished speaking
27:11at one point and I said no sir you can
27:14go to hell and I meant it like
27:17I If he had the courage to go and have
27:20that job where he had to put me as a
27:2220-year-old to death by telling me how
27:25they were going to pump 2300
27:28volts of electricity through my body and
27:30cook my brain with a sponge on
27:33top you got to look me in the eye mister
27:36and that's when I had courage like that
27:39was my first moment of Courage I really
27:41believed that because it was so hard to
27:43hear my sister cry out when they read
27:45the verdict
27:47of and being guilty of impr prison and
27:50murder of a
27:53woman they tortured me they did some
27:56really sick s to
27:58me
28:02then I learned
28:06something you can't go across your
28:10nature I started helping other men
28:13writing letters to their moms their
28:14sisters their wives girlfriend beautiful
28:18letters it took me many years to become
28:20an educated person but once I did I
28:23learned the value of sticking to my
28:25nature because at one point I got two
28:27guys off a death row and I had so many
28:30men love me that if anybody put their
28:33hands on me they were going to have to
28:34face a lot of
28:37pain fascinating that I used kindness on
28:41death
28:42row to barter my way out of
28:45torture I had officers actually protect
28:49me after a riot because they were so
28:52enamored with why I was a nice person
28:55despite everything that they were doing
28:57to to me and I'm going to give you an
29:00example my first two years on death row
29:03were so hard I was beaten and then drugg
29:06into my cell where a nurse ignored my
29:08bloody face to read off the correct
29:11formula for seeing a nurse or a doctor
29:14in that
29:14prison I was instructed that if I spoke
29:17in my cell four men would rush in with
29:20heavy armor and hold me down after
29:23beating me so that that same nurse could
29:25come into my cell with a KNE for Au
29:28thorine a medical drug that's used for
29:31psychiatric patients and basically put
29:34me in a mental straight jacket for a
29:36week with that drug that's just for
29:39speaking in
29:40myself see there was no death row I had
29:44to be thrown in with the punishment
29:46units because I was the second youngest
29:48person sentenced in Pennsylvania's
29:50history to death and they didn't have a
29:53death row for me so they just threw me
29:55in with the
29:56monsters
29:58that's where I
30:01began that's crazy damn I'm lost words
30:05first time I think I've been on this pod
30:06and actually not had know what to say I
30:08think any story I've yeah any story ever
30:11in my life I've never been that to not I
30:14don't know how you do it mate I don't I
30:16don't know how you enjoyed that and
30:17still here to tell the tal absolutely
30:19crazy I think I have tough days and
30:21about what you're telling me one
30:22important question I really want to ask
30:23you ni off I'm sure there's more
30:26obviously I want to hear more the story
30:27but just as this goes I was going to
30:29wait till the end to ask you but are
30:32you are you a man of
30:36God I made the Endeavor of reading all
30:40the world's religions because I wanted
30:42to have a enough respect for someone
30:44else to understand their
30:46beliefs and then I wanted to seek the
30:49answer myself of what I was looking
30:52for at the conclusion of a three-year
30:54journey of reading all of the world's
30:56major religions I was handing a
30:59newspaper about DNA
31:02testing this is crazy just like the
31:04courthouse gets struck by light and a
31:06guy who's convicted of like 30 rap named
31:09Dennis Sheffield gives me a newspaper
31:12that's being thrown out and on the front
31:14page of the section of the technology
31:18was how sir Alec Jeff of leerer used the
31:23Bloods of all the men in the surrounding
31:26area to find that Colin Pitchfork
31:29murdered a female in leerer in
31:331988 87 it no 85 it was I'm sorry what
31:38year you in I was there I found I went
31:41in in 82 mhm long before DNA MH I wrote
31:46to the author Joseph woma who mentioned
31:48it in his book as well Joseph wamba got
31:52in touch with leester University and for
31:5512 of the next years of my life life I
31:57was pen pals with sir Alec Jeff who
32:00taught me about DNA
32:02science I knew I had unequivocally the
32:06ability to prove my innocence I just had
32:09to go through the onslaught of all the
32:12evidence being deliberately thrown away
32:14as they tried to murder me over the next
32:1615
32:18years I went through two riots I got
32:21beaten and stabbed multiple times and
32:25the guards used to enjoy for their own
32:28Amusement mostly Gladiator school where
32:31I was made to fight other men over and
32:35over and over and if they were smaller
32:38then may smashing the bits because if
32:40you don't fight you're getting beat
32:42down on to the fact that I went through
32:46this extraordinary thing of escaping
32:48from Death Row in 1985 being on the
32:51FBI's most wanted list and then turning
32:54myself back
32:56in the beating that I received for that
32:59left me with a brain injury broken teeth
33:02a detached retina and I realized when I
33:07went for the dental treatments for the
33:09broken
33:10teeth the dentist didn't return uh clean
33:13the return on the suction device that's
33:16stuck into the corner of your
33:18mouth and infected me along with others
33:21with hepatitis C and I had to go through
33:26the most hideous form of interfering
33:29drug treatment in 2002 that left me
33:33blinded in my own
33:35celf after 20 years of Madness and
33:38suffering and having a relationship to a
33:42woman burned a bits because while they
33:44were destroying the evidence she
33:46left I decided to do this remarkable
33:51thing I wrote a letter to the court
33:53seeking to dismiss my attorney so that I
33:56could ask to be
33:58executed I watched another man below me
34:01named Dale Carter be tortured by the
34:04state as he died of impacted bow
34:07syndrome that I was having in my
34:10body and the
34:12Glee and the shoden Freud that the staff
34:16displayed upon torturing him was all
34:18going to be aimed at me and I said
34:22no I had I had found God in my answer a
34:27spirituality searching I got my answer
34:30when I finished reading all of the
34:32world's religions and I was handed
34:35DNA I decided I wasn't going to be
34:38afraid of my death and that I was going
34:40to treat it like an eloquent
34:42experience by commandeering their little
34:47plan and asking to be executed and
34:50that's how I got the final DNA testing
34:52to be granted to me despite what they
34:54really believed about me
34:58when dam is it true that I read when you
35:01are on death row you can actually ask to
35:04be execute and they have to honor that
35:06that's a dead man's rule that the law
35:09states you as an individual sentenced to
35:12death have the right to be executed it's
35:16a right you know they used to torture me
35:18every month and ask me what to do with
35:20my body on the air see it is
35:25to they used to try and break
35:29me they would ask me each month at a
35:33program review committee meeting to
35:36admit my guilt dispense with my appeals
35:40and face my executioner CU I owed the
35:43state for what I had done to that
35:46woman and if that didn't work they would
35:49always try and make me fill out a DC
35:51136a form which was a disposal of my
35:55body form
35:58and what to do with my body and I
35:59thought man if you succeed in killing me
36:02do what you want with it cuz you
36:05win and I wouldn't do it for the longest
36:09time well I want to
36:12know
36:13is once you was once your innocence was
36:17proved once your innocence is proved how
36:20did they compensate you for all the
36:22years that you had to sacrifice of your
36:24life oh no
36:27when I first got out I was told I only
36:29had three years to live before I had to
36:31have a liver
36:32transplant all of the politicians didn't
36:35want to know me because the prosecutor
36:37said despite the DNA testing I somehow
36:40must have been
36:41involved despite DNA of two separate men
36:45I somehow must have been involved and I
36:48got no help from
36:51anyone initially I was sitting in my
36:53parents house in
36:55Philadelphia
36:58and I made a
37:00decision this was such a big event in my
37:03life I wasn't going to let it go for not
37:06I was going to use this amazing
37:08autodidactic effort of educating myself
37:11from a man who barely understood
37:14multiple syllable
37:17words to a fact that I within 10 months
37:21of my release I was here in England
37:24addressing a combined session of lower
37:27House of
37:27Commons I was on this morning with
37:30Philip scoffield and I was presenting a
37:33platform of economic embargo against
37:36Pennsylvania for what they did to me and
37:38my two friends that I believed were
37:40innocent whom I've now gotten
37:43free
37:45and I took myself so seriously that I
37:48went
37:49from being afraid to be out around human
37:53beings initially wondering how they
37:55would treat me to commanding the room in
37:58Parliament and in France and in Sweden
38:02and check this out 10 months after my
38:07release I was in Rome in front of 20,000
38:11people at the Coliseum taking myself so
38:14seriously I did one of the finest
38:17performances of my life on stage at the
38:21Coliseum I knew I wasn't this horrible
38:27loser that everyone painted me as I just
38:30projected that to everyone cuz I didn't
38:32love
38:33myself and it's true like my mother
38:36asked me only one thing when I got out
38:39please Nikki do me a favor be a nice man
38:43this family's been so hurt by what they
38:45did to your father me your brothers
38:49please do me a favor and say yes ma'am
38:52no ma'am thank you sir and no sir want
38:54to know why Nick cuz you represent the
38:58respect that I hold I was like wow I
39:02don't even have a right to be angry when
39:04my mom put me in Duty like that
39:08so I made an effort upon
39:11release that I wasn't going to waste my
39:14time being
39:16bitter I had dreams of all the witch
39:21that you have
39:23right and all along I've been dealing
39:26with this This creepy crawly bastard of
39:29a brain disorder that's been bugging me
39:31and bugging me it it pleads with me to
39:35get angry so in the morning I have a
39:37reminder on my phone that goes dear Nick
39:40you suffer from a brain injury remember
39:42you're a kind person don't be angry
39:44today I read it to myself every
39:48day I'm going to be an example of
39:52someone who is going to outlive
39:54expectations of losing my my marbles
39:57over the next 5 years from this disease
39:59that's supposedly incurable by using
40:03neuroplasticity what my mother gave me
40:06as a gift when I got out to keep
40:09going look at the manner and pattern of
40:12my
40:13speech can you imagine that there was
40:15one time in my life that I truly
40:17couldn't string together a really good
40:20cogent paragraph of
40:23speaking that I would be aimless in my
40:26dire ction I couldn't hold thoughts
40:28together and I damn sure couldn't
40:30perform a 2 and 1 half minute monologue
40:33before they executed
40:35me so I came up with this
40:38idea I was going to learn how to speak
40:41beautifully so that when they executed
40:43me for something I didn't do I didn't
40:46embarrass
40:48myself that's all I ever
40:50did famam I can't get my head round that
40:54you've not been compensated it blows my
40:57mind that's they can rob you of all them
40:58years of your life expect yeah but
41:01that's that's a slippery
41:03slop if you look for a payment in life
41:06for anything you go through what are you
41:10doing I'm going to give you an example
41:13of my strength I lost everything there's
41:16a man in the room over here who knows
41:18this I lived in the woods for the last
41:20four years I am homeless as I sit before
41:24you
41:25boys I I
41:28have basically enough fuel and a little
41:33bit for food money and stuff to get
41:36myself to the next
41:39destination I don't want anybody to
41:43believe that you have to be a success to
41:45be okay that's some [ __ ] you know
41:49how many people are rich or
41:50miserable but I know the difference
41:53between being poverty strict Sten and
41:57just
41:57without I'm not poverty stricken I have
42:00talent and ability I always make it
42:03back I'm just going through change I
42:07came back to England in April to reunite
42:10with my wife unfortunately that fell
42:13apart it happens right so I have to
42:16start
42:17over and that's what I it's fascinating
42:20this will be like the last time I speak
42:22in England for a long time I I going to
42:26leave in 2 days to go start my life over
42:32why I have to believe just like I did
42:35when I first got
42:37out this has been so big of an event it
42:40can't be for not I'm sorry like I've
42:43been shot stabbed strangled I had my
42:45throat slit got run over by a car I hung
42:48myself in prison I lived through a
42:50prison riot I escaped from death row
42:52without getting my brains blowed out but
42:55I've gone through
42:56so many illnesses
42:59injuries and I'm still on my path of
43:03still doing good I can't explain it I
43:06know this is crazy
43:09but it feels like I'm actually on this
43:13just amazing incredible beautiful
43:16journey and at times I catch myself
43:19smiling and Glee just to catch the
43:21nighttime sky I'm so happy to be alive I
43:24swear to God I shouldn't be
43:28here I feel like if resilient was a
43:30person it would be you honestly Nick I
43:33want to I want to try
43:35and deep delve
43:39into what it was I don't know how to
43:41word this properly but what it was that
43:43kept you going and keeps you going now
43:45like what what is that but what is it
43:48you believe that your your mission
43:50is or do you believe that God has put
43:53you on a
43:55mission
43:56if you believe in G I believe in good
43:59now I'm not talking about good manners I
44:03I believe and I shape my life around
44:08good I realize
44:11something I have an energy and this gift
44:15of my energy I don't know exactly where
44:17I'm going with
44:19it but I don't want to cause it any more
44:21damage and mess it up I I'm so tired of
44:25suffering
44:26I've
44:27been I've been through so many
44:30highs I had my baby girl die in my arms
44:346 months old from Sid's death by putting
44:37her down for a crib
44:39nap my my parents are both dead I don't
44:43have any family
44:46left I can't believe I gone through all
44:49this suffering for no reason that's not
44:52fair
44:54so maybe I have have this beautiful
44:58notion and I like this about
45:01myself I'm going to give it purpose and
45:04meaning by being good I'm going to be
45:07the good in someone else's life and
45:09offer them good make them strong make
45:12them
45:14happy I don't care what's taken from me
45:16look what I can still
45:18give I promise you I love the fact I
45:24still have a purpose
45:27isn't that relevant isn't that what we
45:28all want have a
45:32purpose yeah that's beautiful man I feel
45:34like you're doing that through all of
45:36these movements that you've been doing
45:38after you've come out as well cuz I know
45:40you've been on few different platforms
45:41and I think a lot of people viewing and
45:43watching this will be Star Trek and just
45:48they it's difficult to listen to but at
45:50the same time it's like your the misery
45:53you've been through a lot of people will
45:54look at that and go wow that my life
45:56what what have I been complaining about
45:58that's why we share what what have you
45:59been complaining I'm okay with that I I
46:03got a message this morning from a kid
46:04who's 17 years old who's been struggling
46:07with
46:07addiction the first thing I taught him
46:09about his kindness he said no one's ever
46:11taught me that it's like dude that's the
46:15core of your development and within a
46:18few messages the kids are right you know
46:20he's
46:21[Music]
46:23trying let's put it in perspective all
46:25right
46:29right you only can reach people like
46:32this if you have nothing I figured it
46:35out boys I swear to God if I was a huge
46:38Rich smashing
46:41success what a waste it would have all
46:44been cuz nobody would have been able to
46:46share this deeply personal experience
46:49that I'm going through I can only get
46:52someone not to kill thems because I'm
46:54struggling
46:56if they know I'm homeless right now they
46:58know I don't have anything and I and I'm
47:00still able to do
47:02this you will hang on for me won't you
47:06like you will send me the message and
47:08tell me you heard
47:10me you will tell me how you help someone
47:13else because you're like
47:15me I figured it out boys I swear to God
47:19the reason before now I couldn't have
47:22all of my dreams Smash and just blow up
47:26I had to save and get in touch with
47:28people that really needed me I'm okay
47:31with that I did the same thing on death
47:34row I know they killed people I know
47:37that they were horrible on the outside I
47:39know when they drugged out minds they
47:41did some brutal [ __ ] but I was living
47:43next to men and I treated them like men
47:47and I stayed true to my nature by
47:50treating them with
47:52respect do you get that about yourself
47:55you're in the same situation now believe
47:57me every one of you watching this video
48:00is living under a death sentence there's
48:03no appeal process there's no appeal
48:06involved and you won't even know you're
48:08dying unless you've been diagnosed with
48:09a terminal illness and yet you go on as
48:13if you're not living with the Sword of
48:15Damocles over your head and you're all
48:18about to die at some point I'll never
48:21live that way that's the blessing I had
48:24from being told I'm going to strap you
48:27down and kill you I took every day since
48:30that as a precious gift because I get it
48:33I'm living with my death sentence but I
48:35don't have to live like I'm on The
48:37Gallows and I dare not waste it with
48:41anger wow [ __ ] hell that's a really
48:43good way looking at it you know yeah
48:47absolutely St perspective like I a bit
48:51of a shitty Dave and say hopefully
48:53you're enjoying it so far first and
48:54foremost and secondly if you guys can
48:57please subscribe to our Channel it would
48:58mean the well to us so let's get back to
49:00the show thank you for I come to the PO
49:02today and I was I'm now listening to you
49:05and I've not had a shitty day it's just
49:08so all means nothing all right but at
49:10the same time I always want this please
49:13don't dismiss the stones in your shoe
49:17they hurt you man what you have to learn
49:21is that there's either a lesson there or
49:23you override it with your mental
49:26structure of going out and instead of
49:29being focused on that being nice there's
49:32a lovely bartender across from us and in
49:36the course of sitting down with my
49:38lovely friend David sinon who came here
49:40the director of fear of 13 for those of
49:42you who don't know it we made the woman
49:45feel exceptionally good by being polite
49:47to her that really matters to her man
49:51more importantly I couldn't have time to
49:53think about my [ __ ] day if I'm out there
49:55doing that that so wow that's the key to
49:58it I I've been in the gym so long I can
50:01light up the room with charm and
50:03Charisma where I can get someone like
50:06ozanne to listen to me so deeply on a
50:09[ __ ] phone that he gets it that's
50:14what the power of Charisma comes from
50:16your own neuroplasticity healing you
50:19don't need therapy if you're out there
50:21every day being polite to someone
50:23because within months all you'll be
50:26seeking is that next polite interaction
50:29and don't be thinking oh people are
50:31going to play me for a mug because I'm
50:32being nice guess what the svest most
50:35coolest gangsters I ever met in my life
50:38knew how to play that role you don't
50:41have to be aggressive in Macho if you
50:43got it if you got
50:45Swagger be smooth man because if you
50:49think about it you're erasing all the
50:52toxins that have driven you to the point
50:54to feel that need of
50:56aggression I can handle myself I promise
50:59you I'm a dangerous
51:01individual I pray never to hurt anyone
51:04get it a man with confidence doesn't
51:07want conflict he wants growth and he
51:09wants people to love him you ain't going
51:11to get it with hard attitude and if you
51:13think I'm a mug I'll step into any alley
51:16with you and show you don't need to
51:19because I'll befriend you before that
51:21and we'll hang out and be cool that's
51:22the way I look at it wow
51:26statement it's it's almost cool nowadays
51:28to be the complete opposite of what
51:30you're saying it's crazy like cuz that
51:32is not true though but look we the young
51:36guys think yeah we keep only getting so
51:38much information about that so that's
51:41why this podcast counts the more you
51:44expose young people to being able to not
51:47need to project an aggressive form to
51:51project that
51:53they're I hate to say this that you're
51:55down like you have to be ored you have
51:58to push people back because if you let
52:01someone in then they're going to break
52:02your trust guess what they stole your
52:05kindness you've been played you have no
52:08more personality development because
52:11you're not opening up to this beautiful
52:13thing that's
52:14you look it comes down to this what do
52:18you want I used to stand in front of my
52:20prison cell for
52:228,057 days and I would ask myself
52:25if that door open Nikki what do you
52:29want and I realized it if what you want
52:34isn't taken from someone else if what
52:37you want is Meaningful and good you
52:41deserve it don't let nobody take that
52:43from you man you should have everything
52:46that everyone else has without anybody
52:49making you feel cheap and small about
52:51that but make sure what you want isn't
52:54to someone else's degradation that that
52:56you hurt them for it man don't be that
52:59guy cuz you're letting everyone down man
53:02and I do apologize I've made several
53:05references to only the guys listening I
53:08know there's a lot of females that re
53:10really respond to this because you watch
53:12this to learn about
53:14men please
53:17know in humbleness I understand women
53:20are so much stronger than men you can do
53:23Fantastical things that we can't do but
53:26you need us to be stronger than you and
53:30how you play that game of chess is all
53:33down to how it plays for you in a
53:36relationship you can always get me to
53:39jump up and do you a solid or a favor or
53:42whatever you want to call it by saying
53:45the follow oh Nikki can you do me a
53:47favor and I would jump right at it but
53:49if you come at me and tell me what you
53:51need done it's going to be a resistance
53:54factor that you've already laid in place
53:57so think about your words because you
53:59can get the same man to paint your house
54:02as the one that'll break it down wow
54:04based on your
54:07words I want to touch
54:10on what you said about your re what
54:13you've come into recently you're you're
54:15now homeless you you said I didn't
54:16actually know that before the Pod when
54:18you show me your pictures of your RV
54:21whatever it may be that you showed me on
54:22your phone I didn't actually know that
54:24you was homeless know he was living out
54:25of that so that's that come to shock to
54:27me how did how did that happen I don't
54:30understand but I lost everything from Co
54:33my wife and I separated she went through
54:36some personal issues and she had to fly
54:38back to the United Kingdom with her two
54:40children I stayed in Oregon and was
54:43living in the woods with my dogs I had a
54:46very traumatic experience where one of
54:49my dogs died in my arms triggering the
54:52PTSD from my daughter's dying in my arms
54:54and and it was really hard on me damn I
54:57decided I had to leave America because
55:00the NHS was offering free health care
55:03for my CTE brain injury related issues
55:07that I need help with so I believe that
55:10my wife was um doing a lot better and
55:13that we could come and
55:14reunite and I gave away my RV that I was
55:19living into a family that had an
55:20autistic child and his name's Nick how
55:22cool was that and then when I got here
55:25to England a guy named Nick up in
55:27Peterboro gave me a car on tick and let
55:30me start off yes guys so as you know we
55:33have recently partnered up with ipam
55:35they are specialized Chartered Surveyors
55:37based in the very heart of London and in
55:40Kent so guys you're probably thinking
55:42who are ipam ipam are Specialists when
55:44it comes to letting Leasing and
55:46strategic Investments guys ipam Pride
55:48themselves on not only working on behalf
55:50of the occupier but also on behalf of
55:53the owner what charted surveyor do you
55:54know that offers a 24/7 support system I
55:57Pam those chter surveyors if you're
55:59looking to make a Strategic investment
56:00in property or just simply looking to
56:02find out some information about the
56:03property World hit ipam up on their
56:05website drop them a DM on Instagram and
56:08all of their socials will be below this
56:09video so massive love to ipan for
56:11sponsoring the graph Kings now let's get
56:13back to the Pod so I've been homeless in
56:17England since um March March this year
56:20of this year yeah I've been living out
56:22of a car and then I got a enough money
56:26um to buy a small
56:281992 citran Hyo RV um so it has you know
56:34a sink a bed and a stove in it so I
56:38bought the vehicle hoping that my good
56:40friend Alex who has bone cancer was
56:44going to come over and we were going to
56:46take his um fulfillment dream of going
56:49to
56:50Scotland because I met him three years
56:53ago and I've been keeping him going ever
56:55since with loving this guy but he's got
56:57a rare form of cancer that's killed
56:59everybody within three uh 6 months of
57:01diagnosis and he's managed to hold on
57:04for 10 years despite multiple surgeries
57:06and everything
57:08so my dream now is in the next couple
57:11days I'm leaving the United Kingdom and
57:14I'm going to go start over and I'm going
57:16to see how I do where here well
57:19obviously you said you're leaving the UK
57:20so where abouts you going to start over
57:23I'm thinking of going IR land man I I
57:27left my daughter's ashes there when I
57:29visited the Trinity's
57:31college and my grandmother was Irish he
57:34came from Cork my grandfather was
57:36English Silas Martin I don't know where
57:38he came from but I've been in every
57:43other part of the UK and I want to go
57:46over my dream is to have a nighttime
57:48radio program and talk to people and get
57:50them not to kill themselves yeah wow I
57:53want people to spend not a podcast
57:56episode of listening to others
57:58speak I would like to talk to you if
58:00you're thinking about it I've been there
58:03I hung myself in a prison cell I get it
58:05there's a lot of Shame and humiliation
58:07if you want to know what's on the other
58:09side if you survive it don't do it cuz
58:12it's really
58:13shameful
58:15so I just I I dream of having a
58:18nighttime radio program called talk to
58:20me and I want to get through to people
58:23and just make them laugh and shake it
58:26off and come back to me I've had
58:30literally over the last 20
58:33years about 5 to 7,000 people not kill
58:37themselves because of my efforts to beg
58:39them not to do it so know I've always
58:42thought wanting to kill yourself is like
58:46having that thought process where you
58:48have to be in your mind is is C it's
58:51dark as it is but then Having the
58:53courage to actually do it to attempt it
58:55is a complet not a different level well
58:58I'm going to give you an example Robin
59:00Williams was one of the most lovable
59:03human beings in the world could you ever
59:04imagine him taking a rope and hanging
59:06another human being never he would never
59:09hurt another human being in the manner
59:11that he hurt himself that that shows
59:13there's a snapping fissure that takes
59:15place at some point where the pain and
59:18anger makes you so
59:22convinced that you have to do this thing
59:26you can't not do
59:29it I live with a brain disease that
59:31makes me want to kill myself you hear
59:35me I live right now with a disease that
59:39makes me want to get angry at loss and
59:42it makes me want to kill
59:44myself I can't help it I know I have a
59:47brain injury it's not my fault if I can
59:51hang on and deal with this thing
59:53actively hurting me I know you get that
59:57feeling and you can do this get it
1:00:00whoever you are listen to this I know
1:00:02that feeling and you're so convinced
1:00:04it's real but then you're spitting in
1:00:07the face of every ancestor that fought
1:00:09through the plague or the war or disease
1:00:11to give you this gift all the struggles
1:00:14that they have you just what kick them
1:00:15in the face like you ain't [ __ ] like all
1:00:18your suffering didn't mean anything cuz
1:00:20look I own the top of the pyramid that's
1:00:22not cool man cuz somewhere down the line
1:00:25someone put you as a dream don't give
1:00:28that dream up man
1:00:30because you I know it doesn't make sense
1:00:33but you could be the determining factor
1:00:35in someone else's life W endlessly man
1:00:39thank God I didn't kill myself because
1:00:41there's so many people that would have
1:00:43never met me through the film that I
1:00:47made with David and I I I was telling
1:00:50him again tonight when I was sitting
1:00:52before this podcast I'm grateful I am
1:00:55that I got this
1:00:56opportunity to touch people's lives man
1:00:59you don't get that gift often do you so
1:01:03don't overestimate that please I know
1:01:07obviously that you've been
1:01:10through
1:01:12unexplainable situations and
1:01:14circumstances and I know this this might
1:01:16sound crazy
1:01:18but I kind of believ that you was almost
1:01:21meant to go through them things to be
1:01:23the person that you are now in the miss
1:01:24that you're on I believe that too
1:01:27honestly what 4 days ago I I was driving
1:01:30down the street and a little
1:01:31three-year-old boy broke through the
1:01:32gate was going to run out in the traffic
1:01:35and only because I was right there at
1:01:37that moment I'm exactly where I'm
1:01:39supposed to be in my life how is that
1:01:43possible I should have been dead so many
1:01:45times and when I experienced this thing
1:01:47again it gives me so much invigorating
1:01:49hope you know that moment you turn the
1:01:52corner and that person you've been
1:01:53thinking about is right there yeah you
1:01:55pick up the phone you're going to send
1:01:56the text and that person calls you s
1:01:59yeah you feel a pain you can't
1:02:03understand that pain and then you talk
1:02:04to your friend and they got back a and
1:02:05you're like damn my [ __ ] was hurting all
1:02:07day there's a connectivity something's
1:02:10going on I don't understand it I might
1:02:12sound crazy for the following bear with
1:02:15me the Western me medical philosophy in
1:02:19treating hepatitis is just like cancer
1:02:22nearly kill the host and you can kill
1:02:24the
1:02:25virus when they were poisoning me with
1:02:28interon and rivon I went into a dream
1:02:31stasis for seven months where my dreams
1:02:35were chaotically different than any time
1:02:38in my life I was seeing myself as an
1:02:40older person with events and places I'd
1:02:42never seen
1:02:43before and I got out of prison I got my
1:02:46life back and all of a
1:02:50sudden the dreams start happening man
1:02:53like and I call them glimpses just
1:02:56before they unfold I'll remember the
1:02:58dream on death row that I had about the
1:02:59incident so much so that I was standing
1:03:02in front of my parents house in 2010 and
1:03:05I turned to Jesse and I said there
1:03:07there's going to be an accident with
1:03:09this car that's going past us it was a
1:03:11learner driver who was making a left
1:03:13turn coming at us was a police patrol
1:03:16car just putting on their lights just
1:03:17like in my dream and as they turned on
1:03:19the lights they blew up this um Street
1:03:23and the learner driver kept making the
1:03:25left turn and they T-boned them and she
1:03:27turned to me she said how did you know
1:03:29that was going to happen I said you
1:03:31ain't going to believe this but I
1:03:32dreamed about that on death
1:03:35row so look I don't know what any of
1:03:38that means but I got some crazy [ __ ]
1:03:40going on in my life
1:03:44like I can't explain my life I literally
1:03:48I'm apologizing to you I'm not putting
1:03:50on
1:03:51errors I've had some Next Level [ __ ]
1:03:53happen to me that makes me unable to
1:03:56explain my own life before you I've had
1:04:00incidents happen that are so huge I
1:04:03should have never attained them but they
1:04:05were meant for me whether they were
1:04:07tragic loss difficult ordeals or
1:04:11sublimely beautiful where the president
1:04:13of the European Union is on stage with
1:04:16the former president of switzland and
1:04:19they both tell me in unison how
1:04:22beautiful I am when I was a convicted
1:04:24murderer 20 years before that and
1:04:26everybody thought I was a
1:04:30monster Nick did you ever sit there and
1:04:33think what your life or where you would
1:04:35be in life if you had never gone to
1:04:37prison in I already know that answer
1:04:39both my brothers and all my childhood
1:04:40friends are dead oxyon wiped out
1:04:45Philadelphia Philadelphia has 500
1:04:47murders a year I would be
1:04:50dead and God did me a favor put me on
1:04:52Death Throne I was so violent and so
1:04:55angry initially the only chance I had to
1:04:58survive in prison was to be on death row
1:05:01in solitary confinment so I couldn't
1:05:03kill
1:05:04others
1:05:06and they could beat me enough to make me
1:05:10humble I know that sounds
1:05:12crazy but I only learned how to love
1:05:15other human beings from torture from
1:05:17physical torture be it them cutting my
1:05:20fingernails off me sideways with these
1:05:22metal shears my God
1:05:25what making me beat a man that couldn't
1:05:27defend himself so badly I shattered his
1:05:30hip and I had to live with it I get
1:05:33it but I had to learn Love
1:05:36Somehow that's crazy that is actually
1:05:39crazy to even comprehend what you just
1:05:41said man no it makes perfect
1:05:44sense the world is going to have
1:05:47extraordinarily cruel people in it not
1:05:50human beings people and they're going to
1:05:53do things to hurt you the measure of who
1:05:55you are is in the aftermath do you shine
1:05:58brightly because you got robbed or you
1:06:00go around squabbling about it make
1:06:02everybody miserable can't wait to tell
1:06:05everybody the [ __ ] that's been done to
1:06:06you or do you find somebody like I just
1:06:10recently did and give them a car because
1:06:12the person that alerted you to their
1:06:16life did some Sinister [ __ ] by bad
1:06:19mouthing me that's what I just did
1:06:22remember the car I told your audience I
1:06:23got given by that guy
1:06:25Nick well after I paid it off I gave it
1:06:28to a friend of mine who needs a car
1:06:31because I have the little RV I already
1:06:33finished paying for it and she doesn't
1:06:35have a car and she had all these mental
1:06:37problems and stuff so give her the car
1:06:41look take control of what hits you in
1:06:42life see these guys are feeling the
1:06:44impact of the information about the
1:06:47ordeal but what I do with my
1:06:50pain every year on my
1:06:52birthday I go out out and give my
1:06:54birthday away someone else I don't have
1:06:57gifts and parties and birthday cake no
1:06:59man I a gift so every year I go out and
1:07:03give my birthday to somebody that's what
1:07:06I do I couldn't believe it when you told
1:07:07me that I love that I couldn't believe
1:07:09it can't hurt my feelings and you can't
1:07:11let me down because I'm not having a
1:07:12party and I can't post anything about it
1:07:15because oh man look who's at my party
1:07:17there's no party I'm out being good to
1:07:19someone and doing something CU it's my
1:07:22birthday so that's what I do man I I
1:07:25like
1:07:26that you're a special guy man you've had
1:07:29the hardest life I think I've ever met
1:07:31ever heard yeah I don't think I've ever
1:07:32met anyone with a harder life than you
1:07:34ever all I did is what you need to do is
1:07:36find your own
1:07:38Beauty I am
1:07:41absolutely un and I mean this unwavering
1:07:45and accepting I've learned how to become
1:07:47a beautiful man from my suffering tears
1:07:51didn't make me this the feelings behind
1:07:55the tears were
1:07:57real and I I get that it's your
1:08:00expression that the Zenith that you can
1:08:03climb in your expression of your
1:08:05feelings is going to be your growth
1:08:08development I've cried every possible
1:08:11teer I've shared every human emotion
1:08:14both privately and out loud and that's
1:08:17how I grew that's it the only thing's
1:08:21going to make you beautiful is pain I
1:08:24know it sounds crazy but I cherish love
1:08:28so much
1:08:30because people would spit in my food or
1:08:33beat me or try and make me feel dirty
1:08:36and break my will and call me horrible
1:08:40names and my answer to that was that's
1:08:43not fair I'm a nice person and you're
1:08:45not going to do that to me and I'm not
1:08:47going to let that happen I'm going to
1:08:48love myself I'm going to see myself as
1:08:51beautiful and I don't care about that
1:08:52word I'm not ashamed of it I get that
1:08:55about myself there's a beauty in every
1:08:59part of nature why not accept your own
1:09:02that's the first step right acceptance I
1:09:04always say off the back of like um
1:09:07everything that you've experienced who
1:09:08would you say like you've come across
1:09:11and been in the rooms of that is kind of
1:09:12stuck by you that we may know apart from
1:09:15David of
1:09:18course oh man there's so many people
1:09:21that are
1:09:22just intrinsic to my life David sinon
1:09:28brought the world to me in a cell-like
1:09:33feature so that I could bring myself
1:09:36before the world a LIF lingering
1:09:40gift I I like the fact that I have and I
1:09:45always hold dear an affinity for having
1:09:50the experience of being Father Figure to
1:09:53some someone else my friend Alex roli
1:09:57right now calls me his father he lost
1:10:00his dad 25 years
1:10:02ago I met him this unique
1:10:06experience I I have to tell you this we
1:10:11were in
1:10:12Oregon camping
1:10:14together Alex has been homeless his
1:10:17entire cancer
1:10:19Journey he had his dog with him named
1:10:21bishop and we stood before the Pacific
1:10:23ocean beautiful
1:10:25night the surf was surface was so
1:10:29pristine
1:10:31smooth we had an event happen to us the
1:10:35Milky
1:10:37Way suddenly lit up the surface the
1:10:41whole ocean had this ribbon of
1:10:45undulating lights from the Milky Way We
1:10:49Were stunned we' never seen like
1:10:51anything like this before in our lives
1:10:54he turned to me and related a story that
1:10:57he went to Scotland and he felt alive
1:10:59when he found out that he was
1:11:01genetically Scottish and he turned to me
1:11:04and he said I just want to feel alive
1:11:07like that
1:11:10again I shook his hand and I said Alex
1:11:14I'm going to tell the world your story
1:11:16and we're going to go to Scotland
1:11:19together I don't know how but I'm going
1:11:21to fulfill your dream of feeling alone
1:11:23live again and I'm going to be there to
1:11:26witness it that was 3 years ago and now
1:11:31I got a film crew on its way to
1:11:33Washington State to film Alex then he's
1:11:35going to come here and I'm going to get
1:11:37on a train with him where we're going to
1:11:39ride up to Scotland so I can fulfill the
1:11:42promise to my
1:11:44friend that's what keeps me
1:11:47going wow when when's this happening
1:11:50with Alex it's we're trying to raise the
1:11:52funding now now to get uh the second leg
1:11:55of the journey Mikey Perry is in
1:11:58Australia this is
1:12:00crazy I'm in
1:12:02Reading I'm at the D wolfield estate
1:12:05hotel and I meet a man from Australia
1:12:09who's a former UK
1:12:11resident and I drove down here in a car
1:12:15and I had a bag of Jelly Bellies jelly
1:12:18beans under the passenger seat that I
1:12:20had been desperately trying to reach
1:12:22with my Clumsy fingers
1:12:24my hands are all broken and I couldn't
1:12:26get them out and I get finally the bag
1:12:30out cuz I'm so
1:12:32hungry and I take them into the hotel I
1:12:34open them up on the bar and I said
1:12:36anybody want a Jelly Belly Mike Perry
1:12:39senior starts telling me this story of
1:12:41how he had a woman represent him who
1:12:43worked for that company and how he used
1:12:45to always had to bring him home for his
1:12:47children and then his son walks over
1:12:49Mikey and Mikey when you see this you
1:12:52remember we start talking about jelly
1:12:55beans and I tell you the story about my
1:12:57friend Alex and the next thing I know
1:12:59you go back to Australia and you make
1:13:02one of the most badass movie trailers
1:13:04for a documentary and I just sent it to
1:13:07ozanne tonight so it's really cool that
1:13:11without even meeting Alex you made one
1:13:14of the best documentary film trailers of
1:13:17all time that work inspired me now to
1:13:21hold on until December
1:13:24so Mikey and them are going to go to uh
1:13:27to Washington State and film and then
1:13:30I'm going to hold on here until the
1:13:31third week or fourth week of December
1:13:33and meet you guys here and we'll finish
1:13:36the film and then we're going to take it
1:13:38forward and we're going to help everyone
1:13:40because the name of the documentary
1:13:43is why don't you just kill yourself and
1:13:46why is it such a controversial
1:13:49name someone had the cheek to ask my
1:13:52friend who explained to them after
1:13:54having a 22in piece of bone operated on
1:13:58and removed from his body and have all
1:14:01kind of horrible things suffering him by
1:14:03being homeless with cancer for 10
1:14:05years why didn't he just kill himself
1:14:09and when I heard that I told my friend
1:14:12Alex good they just gave us the name of
1:14:15your movie and he said what I said yeah
1:14:17Alex that's the name of the movie cuz
1:14:20we're going to give the world the most
1:14:21beautiful eloquent answer for why you
1:14:24don't kill yourself and you're going to
1:14:27represent that answer and he looked at
1:14:29me he said Nick I love you man so that's
1:14:34the name of the documentary and that's
1:14:36why I'm here and that's why I'm going to
1:14:38go and take a break for a couple months
1:14:40until they come over and then I'm going
1:14:42to finish my promise to my friend Alex
1:14:45after that we'll
1:14:47see wow man wow listen man first of all
1:14:52where have you traveled from today
1:14:53Lincoln share yeah it's been a it's been
1:14:55a mission I got up at 5 this morning
1:14:57I've been going ever
1:15:00since where you I do apologize I have
1:15:03something to say um Anthony
1:15:07sandani um is good friend of mine and
1:15:11for the last six years you watched me
1:15:13take this ride young man I could never
1:15:15do an interview where someone asked me
1:15:17about the most important people but
1:15:19thank you for my friendship with
1:15:21Muhammad Ali's daughter mayay and thank
1:15:23you for all the times you shared Erica
1:15:26and the children with me if it wasn't
1:15:28for you sir I honestly wouldn't have
1:15:30made it to this point and I gota I just
1:15:33was struck by that one thing I do
1:15:35apologize for not mentioning your name
1:15:39Anthony I'm sorry about that that's cool
1:15:42floor is yours man what's the plan after
1:15:44the Pod where you going to go now you
1:15:45going to I'm going to yeah so I'm hours
1:15:48and hours away from anywhere I'm going
1:15:50to camp out in my camper tonight
1:15:53and I'm supposed to do uh a podcast
1:15:57tomorrow with uh uh alfit from Holland
1:16:00and if I can pull that off then I'm
1:16:02going to start driving north to
1:16:04Liverpool and I'm trying to get all the
1:16:06resources together to go up there and
1:16:10throw my hat in a ring with Shelly and
1:16:12Keats and all of the greatest writers of
1:16:14the world from Ireland and I want to
1:16:17release new works I've been talking to
1:16:20David about a new stage play I've
1:16:22written a new book
1:16:23I have a new TV series that I wrote that
1:16:26I think is going to be like the next Law
1:16:27and
1:16:28Order and
1:16:31so I have to go with the self-belief
1:16:34approach I can't step out here and then
1:16:37all of a sudden pull back now so it's an
1:16:40easy question for me to answer I'm going
1:16:42to keep trying to use my talent and
1:16:44ability to get my life in order I paid
1:16:47the price for covid unlike anybody else
1:16:50I've come back and I'm just on the cut
1:16:53of having someone care about me a new
1:16:56life and new opportunities for work nice
1:17:00man' well I've got to ask you one sort
1:17:02of last little sort of closing question
1:17:04for you
1:17:05dude when you get to that day when you
1:17:09move on to the next
1:17:11life what is it you want to be able to
1:17:13look back on your life and
1:17:15say like what is it you want your legacy
1:17:17to be that's funny you stole that word
1:17:20from me I want I want to leave a legacy
1:17:23all right so what is a
1:17:25legacy the legacy is in the memories of
1:17:28the people that will be last alive that
1:17:31knew you so I want the
1:17:36legacy of every young person that I make
1:17:39an effort with to carry forward like
1:17:42I've already achieved immortality I'm a
1:17:45published author I wrote monsters and
1:17:47madmen I wrote Fear of 13 I I wrote the
1:17:50kindness approach about neuroplasticity
1:17:52healing
1:17:53I can't ever possibly die I'm a
1:17:55published author I I love that I've
1:17:58given myself immortality in a way that
1:18:02maybe 500 years from now someone will
1:18:05read a copy of my book and they're
1:18:07sitting in a prison cell and they get
1:18:09their [ __ ] together I don't
1:18:12know wow yeah what an impact nice ma'am
1:18:15where do you want to leave man like what
1:18:17do you want I can tell you what I want
1:18:19to leave you with you're the person that
1:18:23I got out of prison hoping for you're
1:18:25the person that I was banking on being
1:18:27like and you're the person that I need I
1:18:31need good people like these young men to
1:18:34open up their hearts to me and give me a
1:18:35chance because I wasn't always good and
1:18:39I'm forever embarrassed about that and I
1:18:42apologize for anybody that wants to take
1:18:44a aim at me go ahead I deserve it I
1:18:46don't mind but I promise you for the
1:18:50ones that really got this message I love
1:18:53you I man I love you for coming home and
1:18:55taking care of the kids and I love you
1:18:57for being the best mate to your mate I
1:18:59know he won't stop drinking I know he's
1:19:01driving but you're a great friend and I
1:19:03love you like I get that about men I and
1:19:06women too thank you for being the good
1:19:09ones cuz that's who I came out here to
1:19:11meet yeah
1:19:13wow apprciate man appreciate you making
1:19:15the journey appreciate coming pardon it
1:19:17was honestly man a pleasure meeting you
1:19:18was captiv most incredible experiences
1:19:20ever I know if I can make it to J Jan
1:19:22January I'll have lived 20 years free I
1:19:27I'm I'm really looking forward that I
1:19:29only have three more years to go before
1:19:32I can be a free person as long as I just
1:19:35spent the last 23 years on death row so
1:19:39my hope is that I can go and do all
1:19:42these wonderful things that I've spoken
1:19:44about but even if I don't I promise you
1:19:46I'm not going to be a bitter pill and
1:19:48[ __ ] this up and let you down thank you
1:19:50for watching thank you for sharing and
1:19:53I'm really grateful that I reached out
1:19:54to ozanne and shared this with you guys
1:19:57it means a lot to me thank you and to us
1:20:00yeah man we're grateful and listen guys
1:20:02if you've made it this far into the PA
1:20:03that's one probably the one of the
1:20:05deepest pods we've ever had one of the
1:20:06great storytelling we've ever had and
1:20:09like I said once again thank you very
1:20:11much for coming on bro and listen guys
1:20:12anyone watching this that this is like
1:20:16properly resonated with reach out to
1:20:18Nikki leave a comment in the comment
1:20:20section below reach out to any of us
1:20:23um you know everyone knows where to hit
1:20:25us up on Instagram Nicki on Instagram us
1:20:28boys um yeah
1:20:31man like subscribe we'll see you in the
1:20:34next peace peace
1:20:36[Music]
1:20:37[Applause]
1:20:41[Music]
1:20:43[Applause]
1:20:43[Music]
1:20:44[Applause]
1:20:45[Music]
1:20:51peace

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