12 Brutal Truths I Wish Everyone Knew About Nervous System Healing — Transcript

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1. 0:00Most people will not be able to heal
2. 0:02their nervous system. And it's not
3. 0:03because it's not possible, but it's
4. 0:05because they've been told the wrong
5. 0:07thing about healing. Over the last
6. 0:09decade, I've helped thousands of people
7. 0:11heal their nervous system. And I did it
8. 0:14by being brutally honest. [music] So,
9. 0:16I'm going to share with you the 12
10. 0:17brutal lessons I wish everyone knew
11. 0:19about nervous system healing. I'm not
12. 0:21going to give you lazy solutions like
13. 0:23breathing techniques or pulling on your
14. 0:26ear to activate a nerve. I'm going to
15. 0:28share with you the messy truth. Number
16. 0:30one, nervous system regulation is not
17. 0:33about feeling calm. If you think a
18. 0:36regulated nervous system is a calm one,
19. 0:38it's not. That is a numb nervous system.
20. 0:42Regulation simply means you can feel an
21. 0:44array of emotions without collapsing
22. 0:47into them. For example, you can see
23. 0:50injustice in the world, get angry about
24. 0:53it, and still be regulated. You can
25. 0:55grieve intensely about the loss of a
26. 0:58loved one and still be regulated.
27. 1:01Nervous system regulation is about being
28. 1:03fluid with emotions, sensations, and
29. 1:06thoughts without being controlled by
30. 1:09them. It's about letting these feelings
31. 1:11flow through you. Now, nervous system
32. 1:14regulation and healing are two different
33. 1:17things. Regulation is a practice. It's a
34. 1:21skill. Healing is a different concept
35. 1:23altogether. This brings up point number
36. 1:25two, which is healing is about resetting
37. 1:28your nervous system. When we talk about
38. 1:30healing the nervous system, we're
39. 1:32talking about a nervous system that's
40. 1:34stuck on high alert. This means it's
41. 1:37reading thoughts, bodily sensations,
42. 1:40pain as dangerous. Think of your nervous
43. 1:43system as like a smoke alarm system. A
44. 1:46smoke alarm system is used to determine
45. 1:49if there's a fire in the house. But when
46. 1:52your smoke alarm system has become
47. 1:54sensitive due to chronic stress, it
48. 1:56begins to react to everything. It'll
49. 1:58react even when there is no fire. So
50. 2:01healing your nervous system means you
51. 2:03reset that smoke alarm system. This
52. 2:06doesn't mean that you will never feel
53. 2:08discomfort again, stress, overwhelm, but
54. 2:11it means your nervous system will be
55. 2:13able to handle it from a place of
56. 2:15resilience, not from a sensitive state.
57. 2:18And if you want to know if your nervous
58. 2:20system has become sensitive, I have a
59. 2:22free quiz down below. You can take it
60. 2:24for free. Now, once you understand the
61. 2:26concept of healing, you might be
62. 2:27wondering, "What made me fall in this in
63. 2:29the first place?" This brings me to
64. 2:31point three, which is the root cause
65. 2:34doesn't matter. This is very provocative
66. 2:36because this means what made you fall
67. 2:39into the cycle of a sensitized nervous
68. 2:41system doesn't actually matter. It was
69. 2:43just the last domino. See, most people
70. 2:46try to look at what made them fall into
71. 2:48the cycle with the hopes that if they
72. 2:50can figure that out, they know how to
73. 2:53get out of the cycle. Maybe you fell in
74. 2:55from work stress. Maybe there was a
75. 2:57medical scare. Maybe it was just from a
76. 2:59panic attack. But the brutal truth is
77. 3:02that it doesn't matter. Because even if
78. 3:05you know what made you fall into the
79. 3:07cycle, the solution is still the same.
80. 3:10The process is identical, which is to
81. 3:13desensitize your nervous system. Now,
82. 3:15I'm not saying you shouldn't look at all
83. 3:17at what made you fall into the cycle.
84. 3:19I'm just saying that it's not the first
85. 3:21thing you need to resolve. The solution
86. 3:23to this is to focus on healing the
87. 3:25nervous system first. Then you can
88. 3:28identify what made you fall in in the
89. 3:30first place. You'll notice as you're
90. 3:32healing on the journey, what made you
91. 3:35fall in will express itself
92. 3:37automatically and you won't need to do
93. 3:39anything. You won't need to find it.
94. 3:41It'll actually come find you. Now, as
95. 3:43you do this, this still doesn't address
96. 3:45how do you handle each symptom. So, that
97. 3:47leads me to point four, which is you
98. 3:50don't have 10 problems. You have one.
99. 3:52This is the mistake so many people make
100. 3:55is that they treat each symptom,
101. 3:57sensation, feeling as a separate
102. 4:00problem. Digestive issues is a tummy
103. 4:02problem. Scary thoughts is a mind
104. 4:04problem. Palpations is a heart problem.
105. 4:07And what happens is that healing becomes
106. 4:10this game of whack-a-ole where you try
107. 4:12to solve one symptom but then two other
108. 4:14symptoms pop up and then the whole
109. 4:16process becomes overwhelming. You become
110. 4:19more confused. So instead of trying to
111. 4:21fix every problem, just treat everything
112. 4:24as one problem. We call this in our
113. 4:26coaching program the nervous system
114. 4:29umbrella. So moving forward, you don't
115. 4:31have 10 different problems. You don't
116. 4:32have 10 different symptoms. You have one
117. 4:35problem, which is a nervous system
118. 4:37that's stuck on protection mode. You
119. 4:39don't need to solve every symptom. As
120. 4:42you heal your nervous system, each
121. 4:44symptom will drop off on its own
122. 4:46timeline. Number five, your brain builds
123. 4:50resilience by getting better at feeling
124. 4:52bad, not rushing to feel better. So,
125. 4:55contrary to popular advice, healing
126. 4:58isn't like getting over a cold where you
127. 5:01wait to get better and then you go back
128. 5:03to live. In fact, that instinct to avoid
129. 5:06distress as much as possible actually
130. 5:09teaches your nervous system that
131. 5:11discomfort is dangerous. Your brain
132. 5:14actually builds resiliency through the
133. 5:16opposite approach, which is staying with
134. 5:19the bad feeling long enough to process
135. 5:22it rather than rushing to escape it.
136. 5:24Think of it as like building a muscle.
137. 5:26Tolerating discomfort means staying
138. 5:29present with it without needing it to
139. 5:32disappear immediately. Tolerating
140. 5:34discomfort teaches your nervous system
141. 5:36resiliency. And right now, that muscle
142. 5:39is very underdeveloped because you're so
143. 5:41used to running away from the sensation.
144. 5:43Number six, overthinking is not a
145. 5:46thinking problem. It's a trust problem.
146. 5:49See, overthinking is really easy to
147. 5:51understand. Overthinking happens when
148. 5:54your nervous system is searching for
149. 5:56certainty. It views uncertainty as
150. 5:59dangerous. And the way your brain does
151. 6:02this is by viewing all the different
152. 6:04case scenarios, grabbing the scariest
153. 6:07one, and then magnifying it as the most
154. 6:10likely outcome. It does this so it can
155. 6:12get a reaction out of you. So the
156. 6:15solution isn't to think your way out of
157. 6:18this. It's realizing that the thoughts
158. 6:21are also a symptom of a sensitized
159. 6:24nervous system. It's about throwing the
160. 6:26thoughts into the nervous system
161. 6:28umbrella. And what keeps momentum of
162. 6:32these thoughts is your engagement with
163. 6:34it, always fighting it, always analyzing
164. 6:37it. That overthinking is the fuel for
165. 6:41these scary thoughts. So instead of
166. 6:43arguing with the thoughts, you can just
167. 6:45witness it and just label it as an
168. 6:48anxious thought. This is the most
169. 6:50important thing you need to take away,
170. 6:51which is every thought will pass if you
171. 6:55don't identify with it. Now this is one
172. 6:58mistake that nobody talks about, which
173. 7:02is healing itself can become an
174. 7:05obsession. See, at first you might be
175. 7:07obsessed with the symptoms, right?
176. 7:08You're constantly thinking, "What if my
177. 7:11life is over? What if this never goes
178. 7:13away? Why is this happening?" And then
179. 7:15you learn about healing that the fact
180. 7:17that this isn't a life sentence. And
181. 7:19initially, that feels very empowering.
182. 7:22But the trap is is that healing itself
183. 7:24can also become an obsession. It's the
184. 7:27same obsessive quality of how you feel.
185. 7:30It's just wearing a different disguise.
186. 7:32So instead of initially thinking, will
187. 7:34this go away? What if there's something
188. 7:36wrong? it shifts into what if the
189. 7:39symptoms come back? Does that mean I
190. 7:41haven't healed? How long before I get
191. 7:44better? Do you notice it's the same
192. 7:46search of certainty just wearing a
193. 7:48different outfit? So, the focus is that
194. 7:52healing itself cannot be the end goal.
195. 7:55You need to have goals and dreams beyond
196. 7:58this. And when I mean goals and dreams,
197. 8:01I'm not saying I just want to enjoy a
198. 8:03meal without feeling discomfort. That is
199. 8:05still you focusing on a feeling. It
200. 8:09sounds more like I'm going to focus on
201. 8:11this specific area of my life and if the
202. 8:14symptoms come join me, they can if they
203. 8:17want. I'm still going to prioritize this
204. 8:20part of my life. This way, when you do
205. 8:22this, healing doesn't become a
206. 8:24destination. It doesn't become a finish
207. 8:26line. You can be living your life while
208. 8:29having healing happen in the background.
209. 8:31Number eight, your brain will treat
210. 8:34healing like death. When you're on the
211. 8:36healing journey, it's not just about
212. 8:39overcoming your symptoms. You're also
213. 8:41letting go of an identity. As someone
214. 8:44who can't live their life because of how
215. 8:47they're feeling. And as you let go of
216. 8:49this identity of someone with a
217. 8:51sensitized nervous system, your brain
218. 8:54treats this identity loss like death.
219. 8:58And so whenever you're growing, whenever
220. 9:00you're doing things that challenge that
221. 9:02old identity, your brain will view this
222. 9:06growth as an attack. Because here's how
223. 9:08your brain works. An unhealed identity
224. 9:12is still familiar. Your brain still
225. 9:14prefers familiar comfort than unfamiliar
226. 9:18growth. Letting go of this identity,
227. 9:21your nervous system is going to try to
228. 9:23protect you. It's going to try to avoid
229. 9:24that because it's going to feel like
230. 9:26loss. And what magnifies this even more
231. 9:28is that your relationships will actually
232. 9:31also change. You may have built
233. 9:33relationships as someone who needed help
234. 9:36and support. And when you start getting
235. 9:38better, you stop using those
236. 9:40relationships as crutches. And the
237. 9:44people that you had those relationships
238. 9:45with will also feel an identity shift
239. 9:49because you're no longer relying on
240. 9:50them. You're able to become more
241. 9:53autonomous over your life. that is also
242. 9:55going to affect their identity because
243. 9:58much of their identity was being the
244. 10:00savior as someone that was helping you.
245. 10:03So the healing journey isn't just
246. 10:05overcoming the symptoms. It's also this
247. 10:07loss of identity. It's also going to be
248. 10:10a change in your relationships. Number
249. 10:12nine, healing is nonlinear. You will
250. 10:16feel on this journey like you're going
251. 10:18three steps forward and two steps back.
252. 10:21There is no way around it. And if you
253. 10:23think you're going backwards, you are
254. 10:26not. You'll consider some hard days as
255. 10:29setbacks. But I'm here to tell you I
256. 10:31fully reject this. I do not believe in
257. 10:33setbacks. What you call a setback is
258. 10:36just experiencing what we call as an
259. 10:40adjustment period. An adjustment period
260. 10:42is just a period where your nervous
261. 10:44system is re-calibrating itself to a
262. 10:47certain situation. That recalibration
263. 10:50feels like you're going backwards, but
264. 10:52it's not. Number 10 is about giving
265. 10:55yourself permission to feel like a
266. 10:57beginner at times. What I have found is
267. 11:00that people hold themselves back not
268. 11:03because of their ability to respond, but
269. 11:05it's their inability to feel like a
270. 11:08beginner at times. Feeling like a
271. 11:10beginner makes them feel like they're
272. 11:12starting all over again, that they're
273. 11:14losing the progress, that healing is
274. 11:16slipping through their fingers. But if
275. 11:18you can give yourself permission to feel
276. 11:21like a beginner at times, you will take
277. 11:24pressure off of your nervous system.
278. 11:26See, what you are dealing with is a
279. 11:28practice, right? Think about it like you
280. 11:31being thrown into an NBA game, right?
281. 11:34Which is a professional basketball game
282. 11:36and you've never played basketball. When
283. 11:38you play with athletes that are
284. 11:39professionals and you don't know how to
285. 11:41play, you will get annihilated. Now, you
286. 11:44getting annihilated doesn't mean you're
287. 11:46terrible. You just don't have the
288. 11:48practice yet. And whenever you do start
289. 11:51practicing, there's going to be some
290. 11:52games that you're doing well in. There's
291. 11:54going to be some games where you're not
292. 11:56going to do so well. That is part of the
293. 11:58practice. And so, on this journey, give
294. 12:01yourself permission to feel like a
295. 12:02beginner. Everything is a practice.
296. 12:06Everything is an opportunity and your
297. 12:08inability to feel like a beginner is
298. 12:12often the thing that's going to hold you
299. 12:13back, not your symptoms. Number 11,
300. 12:16healing also means taking a look at the
301. 12:19role you played in your own suffering.
302. 12:23This is probably the most confronting
303. 12:25point of all because it forces us to see
304. 12:28the role that we played into this.
305. 12:30Whenever we're in this survival state,
306. 12:33it's really easy to feel like things are
307. 12:35happening to us, our symptoms are
308. 12:37happening to us, life circumstances are
309. 12:39happening to us, and we have no choice.
310. 12:42We feel like we're the victim. But part
311. 12:44of getting out of the survival state is
312. 12:47recognizing that we are not a victim. We
313. 12:50still have agency. We still have a
314. 12:53choice in how to respond. But you can't
315. 12:56respond unless you take accountability
316. 13:00for the situation that you're in. People
317. 13:02have difficulty with this because they
318. 13:04conflate taking responsibility as blame.
319. 13:08But this is not about blame. It's about
320. 13:10taking ownership over your healing.
321. 13:13Responsibility just means you have the
322. 13:16ability to respond. Responsibility isn't
323. 13:18blame. It's freedom. What responsibility
324. 13:21does is that it gives the keys to
325. 13:24healing back into your hands. You think
326. 13:27responsibility is an obligation. It's
327. 13:29not. It's the most liberating thing you
328. 13:32can do for this journey. And this leads
329. 13:35me to number 12, which is growth doesn't
330. 13:37stop after your nervous system heals.
331. 13:40Nervous system healing is not a finish
332. 13:42line. It's not like your symptoms go
333. 13:44away and then you never have problems
334. 13:46again. You will have problems. You will
335. 13:48have stressors. You will have
336. 13:50overwhelms. They will just be different
337. 13:52quality. They will be different types.
338. 13:54Part of this healing journey is about
339. 13:55developing a growth mindset, not a fixed
340. 13:58mindset. A fixed mindset says once I get
341. 14:01better, I can go back to my old ways and
342. 14:02I can live life and pretend this never
343. 14:04happened. A growth mindset says, "No,
344. 14:08this is something I learned from and
345. 14:10even after this, I will still be
346. 14:12learning. I will still be growing." This
347. 14:14healing journey will be the foundation
348. 14:16of your growth, but it's not the end of
349. 14:19your growth. And the people that look at
350. 14:21this as a finish line always get
351. 14:23frustrated and never hit it because
352. 14:26they're always trying to find ways to go
353. 14:28back to the way things were. These are
354. 14:30the 12 brutal lessons that I wish people
355. 14:33would know more about, especially when
356. 14:35they're on the healing journey. If you
357. 14:36want to know how to heal your nervous
358. 14:38system by doing nothing, make sure to
359. 14:40check out this video right here. Thanks
360. 14:42for watching.