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10 Years Later, My Twin Got Offered His Dream Job. Dad Needed My Signature To Keep It — Transcript

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0:00My twin brother Luke and I crossed the
0:01graduation stage one right after the
0:03other. He went first. He always went
0:06first. The principal read his name, then
0:08read off a little card. Luke, who will
0:10play running back this fall for the
0:12University of Nebraska. The whole gym
0:15stood up and clapped. Then it was my
0:17turn. Same gown, same face. The
0:20principal looked at me and said, Luke.
0:22People laughed. He said, sorry, Levi.
0:26I looked for my family in row nine. The
0:28seats were empty. They were all down
0:30front by the stage. Dad holding his
0:33phone up, Mom fixing Luke's tassel.
0:35Nobody saw me walk. So, I walked down
0:38the steps straight to them. I pulled off
0:40my cap, put it in my mom's hands, and
0:42said, here, give this to him, too. Then
0:45I went out the side door by the trophy
0:47case. Not one of them came after me.
0:50That was 10 years ago. This spring, my
0:52dad drove two hours to my apartment with
0:54a piece of paper he needed me to sign.
0:56It had one sentence typed in the middle
0:58of it. I have never attended a
1:00University of Nebraska football camp. He
1:03needed it by Friday.
1:04The thing is, I had been to that camp. I
1:07still had the picture. And to explain
1:09why my dad drove two hours for that
1:11signature, I have to go back to when we
1:13were kids, and I have to tell you a part
1:15I didn't tell anybody for 10 years.
1:18I'm Levi. I'm 28. I'm a millwright at a
1:21grain elevator in Grand Island, which
1:23means when a conveyor or a leg or a fan
1:25quits at 3:00 in the morning during
1:27harvest, I'm the one they call. I've got
1:29a habit that the guys tease me about.
1:31Before I touch any motor, I put the
1:33handle of a long screwdriver against the
1:35housing and press my ear to the other
1:37end. A motor tells you what's wrong with
1:39it, if you let it. A bad bearing sounds
1:41like gravel in a coffee can. A good one
1:44sounds like a cat that's decided to
1:45stay.
1:46Luke and I grew up in Norfolk. Dad's
1:49name is Gary. He played on the offensive
1:51line at a small college in South Dakota
1:53for two years, until his knees quit, and
1:55he's been talking about it ever since.
1:57He sold farm insurance for 30 years, and
2:00every client he ever had heard about the
2:02Augustana game in 1983.
2:04Luke was born 4 minutes before me, and
2:06Mom put him first on every form we ever
2:09had. Mom is Lynette. She worked the
2:11front desk at a dental office and kept
2:13our house so clean you could hear the
2:15clock in every room.
2:17Luke and I are identical, but we're what
2:19the doctors call mirror twins. It's a
2:21real thing. When the egg splits late,
2:23the two babies come out like
2:24reflections. Luke is right-handed. I'm
2:27left-handed. Luke's hair swirls
2:29clockwise at the crown, and mine swirls
2:31the other way. We've each got a little
2:33brown birthmark, about the size of a
2:35thumbprint, behind one ear. His is
2:37behind the right ear. Mine is behind the
2:40left. Mom used to check it when we were
2:42babies to tell us apart. By the time we
2:44were five, she didn't need to check
2:46because Luke was the one Dad was
2:47throwing a football to. I played
2:49football until I was 14. I was fast, but
2:52I didn't like getting hit, and Dad could
2:54tell. He used to yell from the bleachers
2:56that I ran like I was late for a bus.
2:59The fall of ninth grade, I went out for
3:00cross country instead, and in the
3:02spring, I ran track. Dad came to one
3:04meet. He stood by the fence with his
3:06arms crossed, and on the way home, he
3:08said, "Track is for kids who can't take
3:10a hit." Then, he turned up the radio.
3:13The track coach was Coach Frusca. He was
3:16in his 50s then, built like a fence post
3:18with a stopwatch on a shoelace he'd had
3:20since the Carter administration. He
3:22didn't say much. He'd write your time on
3:24a clipboard, look at it, look at you,
3:27and nod. And that nod was worth more
3:29than anything my dad ever said to me.
3:32By junior year, I ran the 100 in 10.9. I
3:35placed fourth at state. The state meet
3:37is in Omaha. Nobody from my family came
3:40because that was the same weekend Luke
3:41had a recruiting visit, and Dad said,
3:44"You understand."
3:45I did understand. That was the problem.
3:48I always understood. Luke was a good
3:50running back. I want to be fair about
3:52that. He was strong, he didn't fumble,
3:55he could find a hole. He just wasn't
3:57fast. In the spring of our junior year,
4:00Dad took him to a combine in Omaha where
4:02college scouts timed kids in the 40-yard
4:04dash. Luke ran a 4.66.
4:07For a running back who wants to play for
4:09Nebraska, that's not slow, but it's not
4:11the number. A coach from Lincoln told
4:14Dad, "Bring him to our summer camp in
4:15June. Show us some speed and we'll
4:17talk." Dad drove home from
4:20Omaha like somebody had died. In June,
4:23the three of us went to Lincoln for that
4:25camp, Dad, Luke, and me. I'm going to
4:28tell you exactly what happened there,
4:30but not yet. I didn't tell anyone for 10
4:33years, and I want you to see the rest of
4:34it the way everybody else saw it first.
4:37What everybody saw was this. In August,
4:40Nebraska offered Luke a full
4:41scholarship. The coaches said his speed
4:44at camp jumped right off the page. Dad
4:46bought a red Husker flag the size of a
4:48bedsheet and hung it off the front
4:50porch. Mom ordered a yard sign. The
4:52paper ran a picture of Luke in our
4:54driveway holding a football. Luke signed
4:56in February at a little table in the
4:58school library with a red Nebraska ball
5:00cap on. There was a party that night at
5:02the Legion Hall with a banner of his
5:04face 8 ft wide. I stood by the coffee
5:07urn most of the night. My uncle came
5:09over and said, "You must be proud of
5:10your brother." And I said, "I'm proud of
5:12his legs." And my uncle laughed like it
5:15was a joke. That spring was my senior
5:17track season. At a meet in Wayne, I ran
5:20a 10.7, my best ever. Coach Ruska looked
5:23at the stopwatch, looked at me, and
5:25didn't nod. He said, "Your brother never
5:28ran a 4-5 in his life." I didn't say
5:30anything. He said, "You want to tell me
5:33something, Levi?" I said, "No, coach."
5:36He clicked the stopwatch back to zero
5:38and walked off to the high jump pit. He
5:40never asked me again, not once in 10
5:42years. My mom asked me a couple of weeks
5:45before graduation if I'd made plans for
5:47after. I said I'd been talking to Coach
5:49Rusco about a job out of town. She said,
5:52"That's nice." And then she asked
5:54whether I thought Luke needed a mini
5:55fridge for the dorm, or if that would
5:57just be clutter. That's the house I
5:59graduated out of. After I walked out the
6:01side door, I drove to the high school
6:03track and parked by the gate. I sat in
6:05the truck in my dress shirt and slacks
6:07until it got dark, and then I fell
6:08asleep there.
6:09My phone was on the seat. It didn't
6:11ring. I checked it at midnight, and
6:13again at 2:00 to be sure. At 6:00 in the
6:16morning, somebody knocked on my window.
6:18It was Coach Rusco, out for his walk,
6:20wearing a windbreaker and carrying a
6:22thermos. He said, "Rough night?" I said,
6:25"I gave my mom my cap." He thought about
6:28that for a while. Then he said, "You
6:30want to tell me about June?" I said,
6:33"No."
6:33He nodded, a real nod. "Then let's get
6:36you a job far enough away that you don't
6:38have to."
6:39His brother-in-law, Merv Pullman, ran
6:41maintenance at a grain elevator in Grand
6:43Island, 2 hours southwest. Merv needed a
6:46kid to carry tools and learn. I drove
6:48down 2 weeks later with everything I
6:50owned in the truck bed. Mom stood on the
6:52porch under the Husker flag and asked if
6:54I'd be back for the 4th. I said,
6:57"Probably not." She said, "Well, call
6:59your brother." and went inside. Merv was
7:0260 and missing the tip of his left
7:03pinky, and he had the patience of a man
7:06who'd spent 40 years waiting on parts.
7:08The first week, he handed me a long
7:10flathead screwdriver and said, "Put that
7:12to the motor. Put your ear on the
7:14handle. Tell me what you hear."
7:16I heard a hum. He said, "Listen longer."
7:20On the third day, I heard a little tick
7:21under the hum, like a fingernail on a
7:23table. He said, "That's a bearing that's
7:26going to cost somebody a Saturday."
7:28He was right. 2 weeks later, it seized
7:30during a night shift, and he sent me in
7:32to change it, and I've been listening to
7:34motors ever since.
7:35I did the apprenticeship, 4 years. I got
7:38my journeyman card at 22.
7:40Merv retired, and I took over most of
7:42his calls. I rented an apartment over a
7:44florist shop downtown, and everything I
7:47owned smelled faintly of carnations.
7:49I didn't go back to Norfolk.
7:51Here's how the next 10 years went for my
7:53brother, as far as I could tell from a
7:54distance.
7:56Luke went to Lincoln and redshirted his
7:57first year. That's normal. What wasn't
8:00normal was the testing. Every fall, the
8:02strength coaches time every player, and
8:05Luke ran a 4.67.
8:07The head strength coach that year was a
8:09man named Kenny Wall. I heard about him
8:11from Luke himself, the one Thanksgiving
8:13I went home at 20.
8:15Luke was telling it as a funny story at
8:16the table. Wall had looked at his
8:18clipboard and said, "Son, you ran a 4.48
8:21at my camp. What happened?" And Luke had
8:24said, "Hamstring." Dad laughed and said,
8:27"Those guys don't know how to train a
8:28kid. He tore that hamstring right before
8:30camp. Tough kid."
8:33Mom got up for more gravy. Luke looked
8:35at his plate. I said, "Pass the
8:37potatoes."
8:38That spring, the Norfolk paper ran a
8:40feature on Luke for its graduation
8:41issue. Hometown Husker, two years later.
8:45Mom mailed me the clipping in an
8:46envelope with no note, which was how Mom
8:49said things. There was a picture of Luke
8:51in a red practice jersey, and a picture
8:53of Dad on
8:54our front porch under the flag. Most of
8:57the article was Dad talking. He told the
8:59reporter about the summer camp. He said
9:01Luke had torn his hamstring six days
9:03before, and his doctor told him to sit,
9:05and Luke said, "No, Dad, drive me to
9:07Lincoln." He said his boy ran a 4.48 on
9:11one good leg. He said it was the
9:12proudest day of his life. I read it
9:14standing at my mailbox. Then, I read it
9:17again in the truck. I didn't throw it
9:19away. I put it in the shoebox with
9:21everything else from that summer, and I
9:23didn't open the shoebox again for eight
9:25years. Every man at the coffee table at
9:27the gas station on 13th Street had read
9:29that article. I know because Coach Ruska
9:32told me, years later, that Dad kept a
9:34copy folded in his wallet and took it
9:36out whenever somebody new sat down.
9:38Luke made it two seasons. He played a
9:41little on special teams. Then he left
9:43the program with a hamstring that,
9:44according to Dad, the trainers ruined.
9:47He finished his degree at Wayne State,
9:49came home, and became an assistant coach
9:51at our old high school. By 25, he was
9:53the head coach. He married a girl named
9:55Danielle, who teaches third grade and is
9:58nicer than anyone in my family deserves.
10:00I'll be honest. I didn't hate him. Luke
10:03wasn't a bad kid. He was a kid who had
10:05always been handed things, and you can't
10:07really blame a man for catching what's
10:09thrown at him. You can blame the people
10:11throwing.
10:12Three years ago, Luke called me for the
10:14first time in a long time. He was
10:16getting married in June and wanted me to
10:18be his best man. I said, "Why?" He said,
10:22"Mom wants the picture. You know, the
10:23twins picture." I said, "No." He said,
10:27"Levi, come on. It's one day." I said,
10:30"It was one day last time, too." And I
10:32hung up.
10:33Mom called that night and said I was
10:34being petty about something that
10:36happened when we were kids. I asked her
10:38if she still had my cap. She was quiet
10:40for a second. Then she said, "That's not
10:42the point." And I knew she did. I didn't
10:45go to the wedding. The twins picture
10:47ended up being Luke and Danielle's
10:48cousin, who apparently looked enough
10:50like me from a distance.
10:52Two summers before Dad showed up with
10:54his paper, I ran into Luke at the State
10:56Fair. It's in Grand Island, so I go
10:58every year for the pork chop on a stick.
11:00I was standing in line at the Beef Barn
11:02when somebody said my name, and it was
11:04Danielle. I'd never met her. She
11:06recognized me the way people always do,
11:08by doing a double take. She said,
11:10"You're Levi. Oh my gosh, you really do
11:13look exactly like him." Luke was 10
11:16steps behind her with two lemonades. He
11:18stopped when he saw me. Then he kept
11:20coming, because what else could he do?
11:22Danielle was nice. She asked about the
11:24elevator, and she actually listened to
11:26the answer. Then she said, "Luke says
11:29you were the fast one in high school. He
11:31says you were the fastest kid in
11:32Norfolk. I looked at Luke. Luke looked
11:35at the cattle. I said, "He said that?"
11:38She said, "He says it every time we
11:40drive past the track." Luke said, "Babe,
11:43we should go find the car before the
11:44fireworks." And they went. He didn't
11:46look back, but at the end of the barn,
11:48he put his hand on the back of his neck,
11:50right over the birthmark behind his
11:51right ear, the way he's done since we
11:53were six, when he's nervous. I thought
11:56about that for a long time afterward. My
11:58brother drove past the track and told
12:00his wife I was the fast one, which meant
12:02he knew exactly whose legs he'd walked
12:04across that stage on. He just never said
12:06it to anybody who could do anything
12:08about it.
12:09Dad called on Christmas most years. The
12:11calls were all the same. He'd tell me
12:13about Luke's season, whether they'd made
12:15the playoffs, what Luke said at the
12:16banquet. Then he'd say, "You should come
12:19up and see a game." I'd say, "No."
12:22One year, the year Luke's team lost in
12:23the state quarterfinals, Dad called in
12:25November instead and asked if I'd help
12:27him put a new motor on his garage door
12:29opener. I said, "I was booked." He said,
12:32"For your own father?" And I said, "I'm
12:35booked, Dad." And that was true. I was
12:37booked on purpose.
12:39And then, this spring. It was a Tuesday
12:42in April. I'd been up most of the night
12:43with a fan motor at the elevator, and
12:45I'd just gotten to sleep when somebody
12:47knocked on my apartment door at 9:00 in
12:49the morning. I opened it, and there was
12:51my dad in his good jacket with a manila
12:53folder under his arm. He was 63. He'd
12:56gotten heavier, and his knees had gotten
12:58worse. He'd climbed the stairs one at a
13:00time, and he stood there breathing hard
13:02and smelling like carnations from the
13:04shop downstairs. He said, "Can I come
13:07in?"
13:07I let him in. I didn't offer him coffee.
13:10He sat at my kitchen table, which is a
13:12card table, and looked around the
13:13apartment like he was pricing it. He
13:15said, "Your brother's a finalist for a
13:17college job." I said, "Good for him."
13:21"Running backs coach, out at the college
13:22in Kearney. Real money, Levi.
13:25Health insurance for Danielle. It's the
13:27job he's been waiting for his whole
13:29life. I said, "Okay."
13:32He opened the folder and slid a single
13:34sheet of paper across the table. It was
13:36typed. One sentence in the middle, a
13:38line underneath for a signature, a line
13:41for a date.
13:42I have never attended a University of
13:44Nebraska football camp.
13:46I read it twice. I didn't touch it. Dad
13:49said, "There's a strength coach out
13:50there now, Wall. He used to be at
13:52Nebraska. He's got some story in his
13:55head. He told the athletic director the
13:57kid at that camp got down in his stance
13:58with his left hand every single time.
14:01And Luke goes right-handed. And then he
14:03goes and looks up Luke's old player bio,
14:05and the bio says twin brother Levi. Dad
14:09tapped the paper. So, the athletic
14:10director calls Luke in and asks him
14:12straight out, "Did your brother ever go
14:14to a camp in your name?" And Luke tells
14:16him no. And the man says, "Fine. Get me
14:19one sentence from your brother, signed,
14:21and we're done. We'll make the offer."
14:23I said, "So, Luke lied to him?" Dad
14:26said, "Luke protected himself."
14:29From what, Dad? From what happened.
14:32He leaned back. The card table wobbled.
14:34Nobody's asking you to do anything. It's
14:37a piece of paper.
14:38I said, "No."
14:40He blinked. I don't think he'd planned
14:42for no. I think he'd planned the drive,
14:45the folder, the jacket, the sentence.
14:47He'd planned me signing it. He said,
14:50"It's one sentence."
14:52I said, "It's a lie, and it's got my
14:54name under it." He said, "Levi, one of
14:57you had a shot. Somebody had to take
14:59it." I said, "Somebody did. It was me."
15:03He stood up. He left the folder on the
15:05table. At the door, he said, "He
15:08resigned from the high school last week.
15:10The athletic director told him he was
15:11the pick. He told his players at the
15:13spring banquet. If this falls through,
15:15he's got nothing."
15:17He waited for me to say something. I
15:19didn't. He said, "Friday." And went down
15:22the stairs one at a time.
15:24I sat at that card table for a long time
15:27after he left. Then I went to the closet
15:29and got down a shoe box I hadn't opened
15:31since I moved to Grand Island. Here's
15:33what happened in June when we were 17.
15:36Six days before the Nebraska camp, Luke
15:38came home from a seven-on-seven
15:39tournament in Columbus limping. Dad said
15:42he'd pulled his hamstring. Mom iced it
15:44for him on the couch every night that
15:46week, 20 minutes on, 20 minutes off with
15:48a timer on the stove. Luke lay there
15:51with his leg up watching TV. Dad paced
15:53the kitchen.
15:55On Thursday night, Dad came out to the
15:56garage where I was changing the oil in
15:58my truck. He sat down on a bucket. I'd
16:00never seen him sit on a bucket in my
16:02life. He said, "That camp is his one
16:05chance. If he doesn't go, they'll forget
16:07his name. You know how it works."
16:10I said, "So, he goes next year." He
16:12said, "There is no next year. Senior
16:15season, they've already got their list.
16:17This is it."
16:18I wiped my hands. I knew where it was
16:20going before he got there. He said,
16:23"Nobody knows you two apart. Nobody up
16:25there has ever seen you." I said, "Dad."
16:28He said, "You'd just be keeping his
16:30spot. That's all. You go up, you run a
16:33little, they see the name, they keep him
16:34on the list. His film is what gets him
16:37the offer, not one camp, the film. You'd
16:40just be holding the door."
16:42I was 17. My dad had never once sat on a
16:45bucket to talk to me.
16:46I said, "Yes."
16:48Saturday morning, we drove to Lincoln.
16:50Just Dad and me. Luke stayed home on the
16:52couch, according to Dad. At a gas
16:54station in Wahoo, my phone buzzed. It
16:56was a text from Dad, who was standing 10
16:58ft away pumping gas. It said, "Remember,
17:02you're Luke today. Answer to his name.
17:04Keep your left hand in your pocket."
17:07I still have that phone. It's in the
17:08shoe box. It still turns on if you leave
17:11it plugged in for an hour.
17:12At the camp, they gave me a white
17:14wristband with Luke written on it in
17:16marker and the number 312.
17:18They gave me a red shirt. There were 200
17:21kids. Coaches walked around with
17:23clipboards and stopwatches and parents
17:25lined the fence of the indoor field. I
17:27tried to get down in a right-handed
17:29stance for the 40. It felt like writing
17:31with the wrong hand. The first time I
17:33stumbled out of it. A coach with a gray
17:36goatee said, "Get down however you're
17:38comfortable, son." So, I put my left
17:40hand down. I'm a track kid. I'd started
17:43out of blocks a thousand times. I ran a
17:454.48.
17:47I didn't know that was fast for
17:48football. I knew it was fast for me.
17:51I'd never run a 40 on grass in my life,
17:53only a hundred on a track with coach
17:55Ruska yelling splits.
17:57The kid next to me in line was from
17:58Kansas, a big linebacker with a farmer's
18:01tan. He said, "Man, where did you come
18:04from?"
18:04I almost said, "Norfolk, Levi." I caught
18:07it halfway. I said, "Norfolk." He said,
18:11"What's your name?"
18:12I looked at my wrist like I had to
18:14check. I said, "Luke." He said, "Well,
18:17Luke, you just made the rest of us look
18:19bad."
18:20I remember thinking that was the first
18:23time anybody had ever said my brother's
18:25name to me like it was a compliment. The
18:27coach with the goatee looked at his
18:29stopwatch, looked at the guy next to
18:31him, and they both looked at me.
18:33I found out 10 years later that the guy
18:35next to him was Kenny Wall. I ran the
18:37shuttle and the vertical, and I caught
18:39some passes. I kept my mouth shut, and
18:41every time somebody said Luke, I turned
18:43around. At the end, they gave everybody
18:46a little printed card with their
18:47results. Mine said Luke at the top, and
18:50under that, 40-yard dash 4.48.
18:54On the way out, a camp photographer was
18:55taking pictures at the finish line of
18:57the sprints. I'd run one last 40 for
18:59fun, and as I crossed the line, I turned
19:01my head to look at the clock. That
19:03picture went up on the camp's recruiting
19:05page that week. A kid in a red shirt,
19:07wristband on, head turned to the right
19:09so you can see the left side of his
19:11neck, and behind his left ear, there's a
19:13little brown birthmark the size of a
19:14thumbprint. Luke's is behind his right.
19:17I kept the wristband. I kept the results
19:19card. I printed that picture at the
19:21drugstore a few weeks later. I'm still
19:23not sure why. I think some part of me
19:25knew I'd need to be able to prove I'd
19:27been there someday to someone.
19:30In August, the offer came. The letter
19:32talked about Luke's toughness and his
19:34film. It also said, in so many words,
19:37that his camp speed had made the staff
19:38take a second look. Dad read that line
19:41out loud at supper twice. I waited for
19:43somebody to look at me. Nobody did. Dad
19:46never said thank you. Not that night,
19:48not ever. Luke never said it, either.
19:51After a while, I understood they weren't
19:53going to because if they said thank you,
19:55they'd have to say what for. So, that's
19:57what the gym stood up for at graduation.
20:00Not just my brother. My 4.48 with his
20:03name on it. And then the principal
20:05called me by his name, too. And my
20:07family was down front taking his
20:08picture, and I walked down and gave Mom
20:10the cap. Here, give this to him, too.
20:13You already gave him everything else of
20:14mine.
20:15That's the part I never told anybody.
20:17Not Coach Ruska, not Merv, nobody. I sat
20:21there with the shoe box open on the card
20:23table. The wristband and the card and
20:25the picture and the old phone and Dad's
20:27typed sentence next to them. I wasn't
20:29going to sign it. I knew that. What I
20:31didn't know yet was what I was going to
20:33do instead. Wednesday night, Mom called.
20:36I hadn't heard her voice in almost a
20:38year. She said, "Your father says you're
20:40being difficult." I said, "Did he tell
20:43you what the paper says?" She said, "He
20:45told me it's a formality. He said you'd
20:47understand." Then she said something
20:49I've thought about a lot since. She
20:51said, "You helped your brother once,
20:53honey. You were so sweet about it. You
20:56offered. Why can't you just help him one
20:58more time?" I said, "Is that what he
21:00told you? That I offered?" She said,
21:03"Well, didn't you?" I didn't answer
21:05that. I asked her if she still had my
21:07cap. She said, "Levi, not this again."
21:10And I said, "Good night." I sat there
21:12after she hung up and turned that word
21:14over.
21:15Offered. 10 years and my mother thought
21:18I'd raised my hand. I didn't know yet
21:20how much of what she'd been told was
21:22made up. I just knew some of it was.
21:25On Thursday, the day before Dad's
21:26deadline, Luke showed up at the
21:28elevator. I was on top of a bin on the
21:30catwalk, 60 ft up, with my screwdriver
21:33to a fan motor when the plant manager
21:35radioed up that my brother was in the
21:36parking lot. I came down. Luke was
21:38standing by his truck in a gray coaching
21:40pullover with his whistle still around
21:42his neck from habit. He looked like me
21:45if I slept less and worried more. He
21:47said, "You didn't sign it." I said, "I'm
21:50not going to." He said, "Levi, please.
21:53I've got a house payment. I resigned.
21:56They already gave my job to my defensive
21:58coordinator. If I don't get Kearney, I
22:00don't have anything in the fall." I
22:02said, "Then tell the athletic director
22:04the truth. He might still hire you.
22:06People respect that." He laughed, but
22:08there was nothing behind it. "Tell him
22:10what? That my brother got me a
22:12scholarship? That I was never fast
22:14enough? That's the whole thing, Levi.
22:17That's everything I am up there."
22:19I said, "You were good enough to play
22:20two years in Lincoln. You're good enough
22:22to coach. You just weren't 4.48."
22:25He looked at the elevator like he'd
22:27never seen one. Then he said, "It wasn't
22:29even my idea, okay? I wasn't even hurt.
22:32Dad said you were faster and nobody
22:34would ever know. I was at the lake that
22:36whole week." He stopped. I said, "You
22:39were at the lake."
22:41He said, "Forget it."
22:42I said, "Mom iced your leg for a week
22:45with the timer on the stove."
22:47He got in his truck. He said, "Just sign
22:50the paper, Levi." And drove off.
22:52I stood in that parking lot a long time.
22:55A.
22:57Grain truck honked at me to move. That
22:59night I went looking. It took me about
23:0120 minutes. Luke's old high school
23:03teammate, a kid named Corbin, had posted
23:06a bunch of pictures from the lake 10
23:07summers ago, Lewis and Clark Lake, up on
23:10the South Dakota line. The date on them
23:12was the Saturday of the camp. In one of
23:14them, my brother is wakeboarding behind
23:16Corbin's dad's boat, both legs bent and
23:19fine, grinning, flying over the wake.
23:21So, there wasn't a hamstring. There
23:23never was. Dad didn't send me because
23:25Luke got hurt. Dad watched Luke run a
23:284.66 in Omaha, came home, and decided
23:31right then which of his sons he was
23:33going to send to Lincoln. He just needed
23:35a week of ice on the couch to make me
23:36say yes.
23:38I printed the lake picture at the
23:39drugstore the next morning. Same
23:41drugstore, 10 years later. The girl at
23:43the counter asked if I wanted it glossy.
23:45I said, "Matte was fine."
23:47Friday came. Dad called at noon. I let
23:50it ring.
23:51He called at 3:00. I let it ring.
23:54At 4:00, I called the college in Kearney
23:55myself and asked for the athletic
23:57director. His name was Palmquist. He
24:00sounded tired. I told him who I was.
24:03There was a long pause. Then he said,
24:05"Your brother told me you'd be calling
24:06with a signed statement." I said, "I'm
24:09not calling with a statement. I'm
24:11calling to ask if I can come out Monday
24:12and show you some things." He said,
24:15"What kind of things?" I said, "Things
24:17you'll want to see before you make that
24:18offer."
24:19He was quiet for a second. Then he said,
24:22"Your brother's a good coach. His kids
24:24love him. I want you to know I'm not out
24:26to get anybody."
24:27I said, "Neither am I, sir. I'm just not
24:30signing something that isn't true." I
24:32said, "The kind your strength coach
24:34already knows about."
24:35Monday, I drove 45 minutes west to
24:37Kearney with the shoebox on the
24:39passenger seat. Palmquist's office was
24:41in the basement of the gym with a window
24:43at ground level, so you could see
24:44people's feet walking by. He was about
24:4750 in a polo shirt with reading glasses
24:49on his head. Kenny Wall was sitting in
24:51the corner. He was older and thicker
24:53than I'd imagined, with forearms like
24:55fence posts. He looked at me for a long
24:58time when I walked in. He said, "Left
25:00hand."
25:01I said, "Yes, sir."
25:03I sat down and laid it all out on
25:04Palmquist's desk, one thing at a time,
25:07the way Merv taught me to lay out parts
25:09before a rebuild. The white wristband.
25:12Luke. 312. The printed results card.
25:16Luke. 40-yard dash, 4.48.
25:19The camp photo, with my head turned and
25:21the birthmark behind my left ear. Then I
25:23turned my head and showed them the real
25:25one.
25:26The old phone, plugged into his wall
25:28with the text from the gas station in
25:29Wahoo.
25:31"Your Luke today, answer to his name.
25:33Keep your left hand in your pocket."
25:35And the lake picture. My brother on a
25:37wakeboard, the same Saturday, 150 mi
25:40north of Lincoln.
25:42I said, "My brother wasn't hurt. My dad
25:44sent me because I was faster. I was 17,
25:47and I went. That part's on me. I'm not
25:50here to get my brother in trouble. I'm
25:52here because my family asked me to sign
25:54my name under a lie, and I won't."
25:56Palmquist picked up the wristband and
25:58turned it over. He set it down. He said,
26:01"Your brother sat in that chair 2 weeks
26:03ago and told me he'd never even heard of
26:05a twin going to a camp." Looked right at
26:07me. Wall said, quietly, "I timed that
26:10kid." He meant me. "I timed him, and I
26:13went home and told my wife we just found
26:15the fastest back in the state. Then the
26:17kid showed up in August and ran a 4.67,
26:20and I spent 2 years thinking I'd done
26:22something wrong with him." He shook his
26:24head. "10 years. I thought it was me."
26:27Palmquist sat back. "Why now? You could
26:30have told somebody this 10 years ago." I
26:32said, "10 years ago, nobody asked me to
26:35sign anything. They just asked me to
26:37keep quiet, and I did. This time, they
26:39want my name on it. My name's the one
26:42thing I've still got that's mine." Wall
26:44made a little sound in the corner, like
26:46a laugh with no air in it. Palmquist
26:48asked if he could make copies. I said,
26:50"Yes." He walked them down the hall
26:52himself. When he came back, he shook my
26:54hand and said, "For what it's worth, I'd
26:57rather have a man who brings me a shoe
26:58box than a man who brings me a
26:59sentence." I drove home. I didn't call
27:02anybody. Palmquist called Luke that
27:04Wednesday and withdrew the offer. He
27:06didn't make it a scene. He told him the
27:08job was going to another candidate and
27:10that if he ever wanted to talk about
27:12why, he knew where the office was. Luke
27:14called the high school the next morning
27:15and asked for his old job back. The
27:17school board had already signed his
27:19defensive coordinator to a contract.
27:21They offered Luke a long-term substitute
27:23spot in the math department for the
27:25fall. He took it because the house
27:27payment doesn't care. That Saturday, I
27:29drove to Norfolk. It was the first time
27:31I'd been inside my parents' house in 8
27:33years. The Husker flag was still hanging
27:36off the porch.
27:37Faded almost pink. Dad opened the door
27:40before I knocked. He'd heard my truck.
27:43He said, "You've got some nerve." I
27:45said, "I brought something for Mom." Mom
27:48was at the kitchen table. Luke was
27:50there, too, in the chair by the window
27:52with his elbows on his knees. Nobody
27:54offered me a seat, so I stood. Dad
27:56started before I'd taken my jacket off.
27:59"You ruined your brother over a 40-yard
28:01dash. A 40-yard dash 10 years ago. Do
28:04you understand what you did? He's going
28:06to be teaching fractions to
28:0715-year-olds."
28:09I said, "I didn't ruin anybody, Dad. You
28:12did. You just used my legs to do it."
28:14Dad said, "I gave this family a shot." I
28:17said, "You gave Luke a shot. You gave me
28:20a wristband with his name on it." Luke
28:22said to the window, "Dad, just tell
28:24her." Dad said, "There's nothing to
28:27tell." Mom said, "Gary, what is he
28:29talking about?" Mom knew about the camp.
28:32She'd known since that Saturday. Dad had
28:34told her Luke was hurt and I'd offered
28:36to fill in and she thought it was sweet.
28:38A brother helping a brother. What she
28:40didn't know was where Luke had been that
28:42day. I put the lake picture on the table
28:44in in of her. She looked at it for a
28:46long time. She looked at the date in the
28:49corner. She looked at Luke. Luke said,
28:51"Mom." She said, "I Iced your leg for a
28:54week." Her voice was flat. 20 minutes
28:57on, 20 minutes off. I set the timer on
29:00the stove. Luke didn't say anything. She
29:02turned to Dad. "You let me ice his leg."
29:05Dad said, "Lynette, it was a long time
29:08ago." She said, "You let me ice his leg
29:11and you let me think Levi offered." The
29:13kitchen clock ticked. I'd forgotten how
29:16loud it was. Then Mom got up and went
29:18down the hall. She came back with
29:20something in her hands. It was my
29:22graduation cap. The tassel was still on
29:24it, black and gold with the little brass
29:262016 charm. She'd kept it in the closet
29:29for 10 years. She held it out to me. She
29:32said, "I should have given this back to
29:34you that night." I looked at it and I'll
29:36tell you, I thought about taking it for
29:39about 2 seconds. I said, "No, Mom. I
29:42told you what to do with it. Give it to
29:44him, too." Dad said, "Lynette, take it
29:47easy." She said, "Don't."
29:49That was all. Just the one word. I'd
29:52never heard her say it to him in 28
29:54years. Dad turned to me then because I
29:56was the one he still thought he could
29:58move. He said, "You happy now? You got
30:01what you wanted?" I said, "I wanted my
30:03name, Dad. That's all I ever wanted from
30:05you. You didn't even notice when they
30:07got it wrong at graduation." He opened
30:09his mouth and closed it again. I left
30:12the cap in her hands and I left. Mom
30:14moved in with her sister in Columbus 2
30:16weeks later. As far as I know, she's
30:18still there. Dad called me once in June.
30:21He didn't say hello. He said, "Your
30:23mother won't come home." Like it was a
30:25part he'd ordered and the warehouse had
30:27lost. I said, "I know, Dad." And he hung
30:30up. He took down the Husker flag in
30:32July. A neighbor told Coach Ruska who
30:34told me. Dad had been telling the camp
30:36story at the coffee table at the gas
30:38station on 13th Street for for years.
30:41How his boy ran a 4.48 with a bad
30:43hamstring. The story got around Norfolk
30:46pretty fast, the real version, and the
30:48coffee table found a new topic. Now when
30:50he walks in, they talk about the
30:51weather.
30:52Luke teaches fractions. He's not bad at
30:55it from what I hear. He hasn't called
30:57me. I don't expect him to.
30:59Kenny Wall sent me a letter in August,
31:01handwritten on the college's letterhead.
31:03It said he'd gone back through his old
31:05notebooks from that camp, and next to
31:07number 312 he'd written in pencil,
31:10"Hands left, check." He said he never
31:13checked. He said he was sorry he didn't.
31:15He said if I ever wanted to know what
31:17I'd have run at 20, he'd have guessed
31:194.42.
31:20I put the letter in the shoebox.
31:22On a Sunday in September, I drove up to
31:24Norfolk one more time. Not to the house,
31:27to the high school track. Coach Rusco
31:29was waiting by the gate in his
31:30windbreaker with the thermos. He's 66
31:33now. He still has the stopwatch on the
31:35shoelace. He said, "So, June?" I said,
31:39"June."
31:40I told him the whole thing standing by
31:42the long jump pit. He listened without
31:44moving. When I finished, he said, "I
31:46knew it was you. I didn't know the
31:48rest."
31:49Then he pointed at the starting line
31:50with his thermos. "Go on, 40 yards.
31:53Let's see what's left." I said, "Coach,
31:56I'm 28. I climb grain bins for a
31:58living."
31:59He said, "Then you've got good legs.
32:02Go."
32:02So, I walked down to the line. I got
32:05down in my stance, left hand on the
32:06track, the way I always should have, and
32:08I ran.
32:10He looked at the stopwatch. He looked at
32:11me, and he nodded. He said, "4.61.
32:15You're slow."
32:17I said, "I'm 28." He said, "Your brother
32:20never ran that either."
32:22Then he held out his
32:24hand, and I knew what he wanted. I took
32:26the little results card out of my shirt
32:28pocket. Luke at the top in printed
32:31letters. 40-yard dash, 4.48.
32:35He clicked his pen, drew one straight
32:37line through Luke, and wrote Levi above
32:39it in big block capitals, the way he
32:41used to write times on his clipboard. He
32:43handed it back and said, "There. Now
32:46it's right. It's pinned inside my locker
32:48at the elevator now, next to the
32:49screwdriver." Some nights during
32:51harvest, when a motor quits at 3:00 in
32:53the morning, I open the locker, and
32:55there it is, Levi, 4.48.
32:59I put the handle to the motor and
33:00listen. It always tells me what's wrong
33:03if I let it.

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