$10 For Each Patient You DON'T Touch | House M.D. | MD TV — Transcript

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1. 0:01How can I help you this beautiful
2. 0:02morning?
3. 0:03You got any cases?
4. 0:04Three.
5. 0:06Got a teenage African-American lung
6. 0:08transplant recipient.
7. 0:08days you'll be doing nothing but clinic
8. 0:10work.
9. 0:11I just said
10. 0:12You're lying.
11. 0:13Well, then why'd you ask?
12. 0:15Because if you told the truth, I was
13. 0:16only going to give you 1 day of clinic
14. 0:18duty.
15. 0:18That's dishonest. I refuse to
16. 0:20participate in
17. 0:21You'll do it. You owe me. I kept you out
18. 0:23of jail. I can put you back.
19. 0:30Perjurer.
20. 0:31Felon.
21. 0:35How can I help you this beautiful
22. 0:36morning?
23. 0:37I told the nurse I have a runny nose.
24. 0:40But I don't I
25. 0:41I think I have
26. 0:42syphilis or gonorrhea.
27. 0:46I think I have an STD.
28. 0:51I think I have a
29. 1:04You ordered a CT on a patient with a bug
30. 1:06in his ear.
31. 1:06How'd you know I was here?
32. 1:07Ran into Cameron in the clinic.
33. 1:09Ran into?
34. 1:11You ordered pointless tests just to
35. 1:13Wouldn't have been pointless if you
36. 1:14hadn't run into Cameron.
37. 1:16She got punished. She's stuck with
38. 1:17another dying patient. Is that Vicodin?
39. 1:20Breath mint.
40. 1:21Thought you were going to kiss me.
41. 1:22What happened to rehab?
42. 1:23I got out.
43. 1:27It was a scam?
44. 1:28Enough foreplay. You going to kiss me or
45. 1:30not?
46. 1:30You are going back to the clinic or
47. 1:32jail.
48. 1:33You perjured yourself to keep me out of
49. 1:35jail. How are you going to
50. 1:36I only did that because I thought you
51. 1:37were getting clean.
52. 1:40So, it's do clinic duty or go to jail.
53. 1:42Yes.
54. 1:43Then it'll be finish your paperwork or
55. 1:45go to jail. Help with fundraising or go
56. 1:47to jail. Do your job or go to jail.
57. 1:50I think I'd rather go to jail.
58. 1:54You owe me.
59. 2:05Beautiful.
60. 2:07Thank you.
61. 2:08It's dry.
62. 2:10Who cares?
63. 2:11It's beautiful.
64. 2:13My lawn were half as well maintained as
65. 2:14that, pigeons wouldn't have the nerve to
66. 2:16poop on it.
67. 2:18Good grooming is important.
68. 2:20Is that a shot?
69. 2:22People do judge you on your appearance.
70. 2:24When you entered, I noted your shirt
71. 2:25hadn't been pressed, you hadn't shaved
72. 2:26in quite some time. I extrapolated you
73. 2:29were a person for whom detail was not a
74. 2:30major concern. I was worried you might
75. 2:32apply that same standard in your work.
76. 2:34You use toenail clippers up there?
77. 2:36They're longer, so they allow me to
78. 2:38better reach the upper hairs.
79. 2:39I'm wearing a rumpled shirt and forgot
80. 2:40to brush my hair this week. You've got
81. 2:42athlete's foot in your nose.
82. 2:47I'm ready to be judged.
83. 2:50Okay.
84. 2:51$50 to any patient who's willing to
85. 2:54leave here right now.
86. 2:58House.
87. 2:59You can't
88. 3:01I don't care. People do not
89. 3:02They'll leave 50 bucks. They're not all
90. 3:04that sick.
91. 3:06Or they're poor and desperate, which is
92. 3:08why this place is here.
93. 3:10If they're that poor, then they'd rather
94. 3:11have 50 bucks.
95. 3:12Can I have the money?
96. 3:14Look. It's monogrammed. He doesn't need
97. 3:16money. Ergo, he's not sick.
98. 3:18Then the blood?
99. 3:19Could be anybody's. Monogram's
100. 3:21definitely his.
101. 3:24We need to talk.
102. 3:28It doesn't matter what you say, do, or
103. 3:30threaten. I will find a way out.
104. 3:32How can we make this more interesting to
105. 3:34you?
106. 3:34How can we make the sky green? How can
107. 3:36we make the tall short? You cannot make
108. 3:38the uninteresting interesting.
109. 3:41I'll pay you $10 for every patient you
110. 3:42diagnose without touching.
111. 3:45You pay me $10 for everyone you have to
112. 3:47touch.
113. 3:49You're making this into a game for me.
114. 3:52From which I can only conclude this
115. 3:53isn't a game for you.
116. 3:54No.
117. 3:56Why? You think if I deal with enough
118. 3:57people I'll find some humanity?
119. 4:01Yes.
120. 4:05I have to do this myself.
121. 4:08I got a bum leg. Say ah.
122. 4:10Ah.
123. 4:13Feels rough.
124. 4:14Yes, it's a rash.
125. 4:17I'm going to need more than rough.
126. 4:21It's just rough. Can't you feel it?
127. 4:23I could, but then what satisfaction
128. 4:26would you get?
129. 4:30Got it.
130. 4:31Start counting.
131. 4:35How many?
132. 4:3626.
133. 4:40Okay.
134. 4:41Either you suck at math or you're going
135. 4:43to die in 2 seconds.
136. 4:47You suck at math.
137. 4:50Diagnosis.
138. 4:52Prescription.
139. 4:53You owe me 30.
140. 5:10I owe you 10.
141. 5:13Test results are back for your STD
142. 5:14patients. I'm not paying you for them.
143. 5:16You already touched them.
144. 5:21How old are you?
145. 5:2330.
146. 5:24I've never seen an after school special.
147. 5:27Dawson's Creek?
148. 5:28How you get to 30 and not know about
149. 5:30condoms?
150. 5:31Oh god, I I have an STD.
151. 5:33No.
152. 5:34But you will.
153. 5:35Every patient who comes in here for an
154. 5:37STD test has one thing in common.
155. 5:39They had a SWS. Sex while stupid.
156. 5:43How old are you?
157. 5:4660.
158. 5:48You're lying.
159. 5:50That's not the point. Have you never
160. 5:51seen Dawson's Creek?